What's the typical age for marriage in Muslim societies in the ME?

[hen]

The reason I ask is I just finished reading a book origianlly written in Arabic by a Lebanese author. The book is fictional but supposedly a reflection of what life is like for women in the gulf states. The marrying age seemed very young to me. IN the Us women get married mid-20's to late 20's typically.

Hen

[Khawlah]

Hen,

I do not think that there is a preferred age. To get married is a good thing and it is fulfilling half of your religion so you should be keen to get married but it's really down to the individual. A muslimah may start looking for a husband when shes 20 but not actual find the right man until shes 24! Allah knows. I personally feel that it is good to get married young, by young I mean from 19 to early twenties. That way you have plenty of time to have children. I find these days in western society women have a career and don't get married till they're about 30 and then have children quite late. I preferred not to do this but I guess its a personal choice.

By the way, Lebanese society is just that. It is not islamic shariah.

Take care.

[EVILution]

I say one should never get married too young, I see that as a mistake, especially at a time like this.
I say it's up to the person to make the decision.

[jamila]

Hen
Getting married young, for both men and women, is a sunnah. I think women were expected to be looking to get married from about the age of 14 or 15. Never the less, there is no shame to wait until you are older.

Nowadays, with more and more girls seeking higher education (in dunya subjects, unfortunately) the tendency is to put off marriage until completion of University. For men, in Saudi Arabia, so I have been told, the situation is almost at crises level. They are waiting until their late twenties to marry because they are unable to earn sufficient money for the incredibly high mahr my saudi sisters ask for (I was amazed! They ask for 2 1/2 thousand dollars or more, as a norm). My demand was far more modest. His active help encouraging, directing and, where necessary, paying for my learning of the deen.
jamila

[F R E S H]

I reckon as soon as a muslim male has found the perfect bride and in a suitable position to support his family he should get married, that could be late teens or early twenties !!!,,,but remember perfect bride !!!! lol

[Khawlah]

salaam sister Jamila,

I know that it is sunnah to marry young but can you please provide the evidence that getting married at the age of 14 or 15 is sunnah. It would be useful. Barakallahfikki

[Bash ah Rat]

Assalamu alaikum

As far as I know I dont think there is a specific age to when you should get married but I beleive it is written that you should get married as soon as possible. This is so that you remain chaste as the older you get the more desires you have and the more chance of you committing haram.

Consumation of marriage is allowed from puberty onwards but you can get married before that.

I think what needs to be taken into account is the persons involved, are they mature enough? do they want to get married? etc... Children these days mature at a older age and therefore maybe it is better to marry them off later, but then there is more chance of them committing fornication.

I think each case should be judged on its own, as for some people it is better for them to get married at a young age.

[jamila]

Assalam alaykum, Kawlah,

You're right to pull me up on referring to specific ages. I was just thinking on when puberty strikes and regular menses begin. Like bash ah rat says, its sunnah to get married as soon as you are able, to lessen the chances of lewd and illicit relations before marriage.

I recall a hadith in which the Prophet, salahu alayhi wassalam, said that we get hasana for having sex (with our spouses). He was talking to men at the time. I am paraphrasing now: They said. Really? We get hasana for something we love doing? He said, is it not sinful to fornicate outside marriage, because you are disobeying Allah? Is not there a punishment for every sin, measured? So to keeping it within marriage, as Allah has ordained, will get the appropriate reward because you are obeying His command.

That was what I meant.

jamila

[EVILution]

Originally posted by Khawlah
salaam sister Jamila,

I know that it is sunnah to marry young but can you please provide the evidence that getting married at the age of 14 or 15 is sunnah. It would be useful. Barakallahfikki

Aslaam u Alaikum,

Hmmmm, marriage at 14/15 years of age, lol, I'm going to faint, lol. I think that at the time of the Prophet Muhammad(saw) that age would have been fine, nowadays ages 24/25 would be fine, I am comparing with the women of that time with this period.

Waslaam.

[julaybib]

I think it was quite common in the old days that boys and girls were married as soon as they reached puberty. Thus marriage at 15 didn't surprise people that much. Nowadays, the norm has shifted toward 24-25 years of age before people start thinking about marriage. And in the west I think it is now quite common to find people that get married at the first time at the age of 30's. So the trend moves toward delaying marriage. This really raises a lot of question in my head. So far I've seen 2 major reasons why parents and people in general like to delay marriage.

The first is economical reason. Let's face it, today's jobs (that pays well) usually require a college-level qualification, that needs ~23 years of education. So bachelors usually wait until they can get a good job before they get married and this means living 24 years or so of their life alone. If on average puberty comes at the age of 14, then these guys need to stay away from sex for about 10 years while they actually have a great need of it. Not everyone can do it in a clean way and I think that's why we see a jump of pre-marital sexual relationship in the modern era. So in order to make early marriage possible we should think of a way so that young families can support themselves (or maybe parents should be generous enough to support them for a while).

The second reason is a psychological one. People think that you are not mature enough until you reach a 20+ age, and immaturity is one of the major reason of marriage break up (so they say). I even once saw an article in a widely read magazine that says that teenagers should enjoy their life (while learning about life) so that they don't miss a thing when they get married (that is supposed to be full of restrains and rules), naudzubillah. I think the creation of 'teenager' term is not a productive one. In Islam we only know 2 stages, childhood (where you have less religious obligation) and puberty (where you are now an adult, and accountable for everything you do). Kids today are really childish and show little responsibility, even when they have reached puberty, and they spend their teen years not to learn about life in a responsible way, but to engage in wild adventures that can be costly for their life, and they are backed by society norm that sees this as something natural. I believe this is wrong, and we should teach them more about responsibilities and commitment before they reach puberty.

I know that it is more complex than what I say, so feel free to express your opinions. But I believe that the reason to delay marriage is a situation that we create by ourselves, and unless we do something about it we will see it as a norm. And may be we simply have to live with more pre-marital relationships (and...zina) blossoming around us. Frankly, there is little we can do when those hormones start their work.

[EVILution]

Aslaam u Alaikum Julaybib,

I agree with what your saying on both reasons, so yes marriage should be delayed as much as possible until your ready for it.

Waslaam.

[Bash ah Rat]

Assalamu alaikum

I was reading a book last night on this very issue and there is a general consensus of opinion of the scholars that it is fard to get married as soon as possible if it is viable for you i.e.

- you have the money for it
- someone is willing to marry you
- and to a lesser extent, the person is of equal status

Also a guardian should allow for their son/daughter to get married if the above criteria is available.

This issue of guardians asking for excessive dowry (as is the case in Saudi Arabia) is wrong as men often have to work for a few years and this can mean marriage is delayed till late 20's and I think we have covered the benefits of getting married early (especially for men)

[EVILution]

Aslaam u Alaikum bros and sis'

Now what I've read so far about marriage is that you should marry if you have this, this and this, but not one of you has mentioned what if a practising muslim doesn't want to get married ever, is he/she committing a sin?

Waslaam.

[Bash ah Rat]

Muslim Youth, I don’t know how exactly you would decipher these hadith in relation to your question whether refraining from marriage is a sin or not:

Sahih Muslim, Book 008, Number 3233:
Abdullah (b. Mas'ud) (Allah be pleased with him) reported that Allah's Messenger (may peace be upon him) said to us: 0 young men, those among you who can support a wife should marry, for it restrains eyes (from casting evil glances) and preserves one from immorality; but he who cannot afford It should observe fast for it is a means of controlling the sexual desire.

Sahih Muslim, Book 008, Number 3236:
Anas (Allah be pleased with him) reported that some of the Companions of Allah's Apostle (may peace be upon him) asked his (the Prophet's) wives about the acts that he performed in private. Someone among them (among his Companions) said: I will not marry women; someone among them said: I will not eat meat; and someone among them said: I will not lie down in bed. He (the Holy Prophet) praised Allah and glorified Him, and said: What has happened to these people that they say so and so, whereas I observe prayer and sleep too; I observe fast and suspend observing them; I marry women also? And he who turns away from my Sunnah, he has no relation with Me

From this I derive the opinion that it is a very strong sunnah at the very least if not even a fard, but I do not have that much knowledge to say whether it is fard.

On a related note, which is not really answering you question directly, but is indirectly relavent:

Mankind has been created with certain attributes; the attribute that is relevant here is sexual desires, which can only be, fulfilled (halal means) through marriage. How we fulfil these attributes is how we will be judged i.e.

- Halal, get married and have sexual relations in this confined environment. This will lead to reward from Allah (swt)
- Haram, commit fornication. This will lead to punishment from Allah (swt)

Allah (swt) has created the attributes, and the halal and the haram to fulfil them so why should we suppress the attributes (by not getting married) if we have been given guidance as to fulfilling them in a halal way.

Our existence is to please Allah (swt) and therefore we should please him through the halal things in life, which in this case is to get married.

[EVILution]

Jazak-Allah-Khair brother,

I understand what you are saying but what if I don't need to get married, you know what I'm getting at then is it necessary for me, huh.

Waslaam.

[Bash ah Rat]

Assalamu alaikum

Even though you don't need too, you have to look at the bigger picture as I explained before. Whether it is a sin or not I cannot answer, but I do not think it is a sin.

If you got a marriage proposal and you did not mind the person but because you did not want to get married you did not, that would be wrong.

Lets just clarify in terms of Islam, everything that pertains to marriage says that you should get married. If you do not and you do not have a valid reason then you are going against the sunnah.

General Comments:

Now looking at in a situation where lets say you do not want to get married, later on in life you may regret it in terms of:

- not having children,
- in old age you may have no company
- what will you have in your life
- everyone else will be involved in there own lives and family

[EVILution]

Aslaam u Alaikum brother,

Can I ask you what would you say should be the reason for a muslim to not want to get married?, lol, the disadvantages you gave well let's say they're taken care of.

Waslaam.

[julaybib]

I think you should get a hold on Al Ghazali's Ihya Ulumuddiin. He doesn't view marriage as an obligation. One reason that he said would make it permissible for someone not to get married is that if it would only make him a worse person (religiously) than when he is on his own. After all, everything we do should be aimed to please Allah.
But this is not as simple as it sound. How can you say that you are worse off after marriage? Consider this. Earning a living for your family will give you reward. Having a good time with your spouse is also rewarded. Even sexual intercourse, a big no no for the maritally-deficient people, is rewarded. I think there is even a hadith that the worshipping quality of a married person is usually better too. If everything that you do in your life give you so much reward, then how can we be afraid of getting worse after marriage?
The only thing that I think can make it happen is when you marry a kuffar, and he/she actively encourage you to join his/her belief. But hey, there are more than 1 billion muslims around the world, what are we worried about?;)

[Bash ah Rat]

Assalamu alaikum

As far as I am aware the only reason for not getting married is if you feel that, following your deen will diminish or weaken. For this reason you look for piety (in terms of deen) in your spouse,

So obviously if you felt that all the proposals you were getting were from people that were not deen orientated then that would give you a reason not to marry. However even if they were not deen orientated but they would let you practice your deen then I think it is still better to get married.

As long as you believe marrying will not worsen your deen then you should get married but if you feel it will worsen it then I beleive that is valid enough reason.

Julaybib, im not sure if you meant this but muslim women are only allowed to marry muslim men, not kuffar. Whereas muslim men are allowed to marry ah le kitab (people of the book, jews and christians)

[Muslim Sista]

Originally posted by F R E S H
I reckon as soon as a muslim male has found the perfect bride and in a suitable position to support his family he should get married, that could be late teens or early twenties !!!,,,but remember perfect bride !!!! lol

In your dream bro you'll never find a perfect bride unless ofcourse her parents want to get rid of her so they can live a burden free life, you might just be in luck.

[F R E S H]

What are you saying about all the muslims women out there huh are you saying they will no make perfect muslim brides, now if i was to go on ure opinion then getting married would take an eternity !

[Muslim Sista]

Didn't mean to offend you! anyway it was just a joke, so why all the excitement huh?

[F R E S H]

i took it as a joke that is why i i generalised all muslim women will not make a good muslim wife when we know, well us men hope that it is not true !

[Outcider]

An interesting topic! What in Western Europe causes most astonishment is that often marriages are arranged by parents at a young age. Children of 10 or 11 may already know who his or her husband or wife will be.

How common is this nowadays?

Should I already say that I am not criticizing this practice. I just wouldn't consider it natural myself.

[AnnaMarie]

I last heard that In Western Europe rich families already meet with the parents of their childrens future spouses very early on.I guess its to keep in all in the money.

[Outcider]

AnneMarie, yes, that may be the case, but mainly with royal families. I have not heard of anything else. Of course, it may exist. I wonder what the practice is in Saudi Arabia?

Ibn ul ibn aadam obviously has no knowledge of the current Muslim practice...

[Outcider]

Ibn ul ibn aadam, is it not permissible to agree with somebody? Read my post again. If you know of the marriages of royal families in European countries, you know that wealth has come to wealth, in other words rich people have married rich people.

Having lived in Europe for quite a few years, in more than one country, I know that it is not customary or compulsory in affluent socities to look for wealthy fiancés or fiancées.

It happens, though, and in my mind it is often beneficial to both parties. Living with someone from a similar background is often easier, don't you agree?

By the way, do you or any one your friends, have any information about the royals of Saudi Arabia. If I am correct at all, it would be out of question to marry someone from "lower ranks".

[Bash ah Rat]

Assalamu alaikum

To an extent Islam says that one should marry from equal status as in the case of these rich people, it would be better for the people to get married to other people who have the similar upbringing. This would allow a common and loving bond to develop without having people to change or adapt to a new way of life.

The true reason however I think as to why these royals get married within there own circles is so that they maintain their stranglehold on the wealth they have stolen from the muslim ummah.

May Allah (swt) curse them and account them for the wealth they have accumulated and missused.

[Usmanb]

Sallaam

To the best of my understanding didn't the Prophet Muhammad (P.B.U.H) matty women of older and younger age to signify that that age or class doesn't matter in marriage (Considering the girl has met sexual maturity of course).

Outsider, i am not sure you understand what is meant by Arranged marraiges in nowadays terms. I will explain it to you as far as i understand and as far as i have seen.

Arranged marriages to some is that two families get together and decide that such and such are going to get married without asking the kids/adults/people. Which is of course against Islam. ANyway what happens now is that when for example a male is right to marry (all factors considering) the parents will discuss the issue with the young male and the male will tell the parents what he wants and then the parents go and search.

This is what happens where i live and with my family or something very close to that. Hope that helps.

Allah Hafiz

Usmanb

[Usmanb]

Sallaam

ibn ul ibn aadam, actually no i have not considered script writing. I call it as i have seen it.

Usmanb

BTW are you trying to have a go at me or something?

[Ebony]

re: Ibn ul ibn aadam

Cnt say it was 'comedy' ...i never found anything in it like tht...sure ur not high on something? i;m sure its air :D

Ws

[Usmanb]

Sallaam

ibn ul ibn aadam, sorry i took your post the wrong way, sarcasm is hard to read.

Allah Hafiz

Usmanb