The Opposite of Hope

[shayr1]

What do you do
When your world crashes down on you
When you realise: this is life
Uglier than you can imagine

You 've read about the holocaust
About chechnya kosovo and palestine
Watch horror movies all day
People twisted, deceitful and lying

Sometimes you even shed a tear or two
For all that's bad in the world
But when that evil touches you
Your world shakes: what can you do?

When there's no comfort around you
You're out on this journey alone
Then you remember Allah
And you're head pounds a little more

You should've been more careful about salaah
About those times you said 'maybe tomorrow'
Because now that you're in need
It would've helped if you were closer to Him



hmmmm this isnt finished.

please comment :D i can take critisism :torture:

[Omar Mukhtar]

good poem, but does'nt rhyme.

[shayr1]

good poem, but does'nt rhyme.

DOES TOO!! :(:crying:

no ok ok i can take it.

anyone else? :D

[Ibn Al-Jarrah]

subhanallah u wrote it? :up:V V Good:up:

yeh um try n make it rhyme or sumin,or add more syllables? or have the same number of syllables in each line

[shayr1]

i admit it, i'm officially stalking this thread. :D :ragepc:

thx for the comment...not gonna change it though. would you swap your newborn if it was ugly? no, you just accept it for what it is.

more comments please, before mods kick me out for being over obsessive :nuts:


i will resort to blackmail.

[Baybars]

Excellent, and completely true. Also, it doesn't have to rhyme, to necessarily be poetry.

[shayr1]

Excellent, and completely true. Also, it doesn't have to rhyme, to necessarily be poetry.

:wavey: thanks baybars.

:nuts:

[Asma_Here]

Ma Shaa Allaah..

I cannot criticise it, Allaah's name is mentioned.. And Salaah... Wow... tht's very true whatever you put up.. It rhymes with one's life for sure!

May Allaah help you in offering your Salaah everytime!!!

Ameen

[shayr1]

:aku_aameen:

more comments please

:nuts:

[Asma_Here]

What do you want more comments for..? o.O

[shayr1]

fame, a buzz, some recognition, get my mind off work, coz im mad, who knows?

more comments please

:nuts:

[Asma_Here]

Haha x.x

Beware of showing off with such a thing... I presume you are not the author of this poem?

[shayr1]

how can i show off when people don't even know who i am? i am an anonymous authour, trying to get feedback anonymously. no showing off there.

*sigh* maybe i should just make this my sig

more comments please :D

:nuts:

[Asma_Here]

It's obvious. You know who you are. So do your angels. And ofcourse, Allah. You can't hide like this.

[Dappodan1]

reads a bit like a statement, message is nice not very profound or eloquent

[urban_rose]

What do you do
When your world crashes down on you
When you realise: this is life
Uglier than you can imagine

You 've read about the holocaust
About chechnya kosovo and palestine
Watch horror movies all day
People twisted, deceitful and lying

Sometimes you even shed a tear or two
For all that's bad in the world
But when that evil touches you
Your world shakes: what can you do?

When there's no comfort around you
You're out on this journey alone
Then you remember Allah
And you're head pounds a little more

You should've been more careful about salaah
About those times you said 'maybe tomorrow'
Because now that you're in need
It would've helped if you were closer to Him


hmmmm this isnt finished.

please comment :D i can take critisism :torture:

Mistakes in those highlighted in red above ^
missed out capital letters for countries and 'you're' which should have been 'your' :up:

other than that....not bad :)

[Omar Mukhtar]

it doesn't have to rhyme, to necessarily be poetry.

poems depends on the rythm of words.

[shayr1]

It's obvious. You know who you are. So do your angels. And ofcourse, Allah. You can't hide like this.

but how can it be called showing off? showing off means showing that you yourself are better then the rest. but you dont even know who i am! if someone donates to charity anonymously, they aren't showing off because people don't know who they are. similarly, if someone anonymously bigs up their poem they aren't showing off because people don't know who they are.

u get me ? :)

reads a bit like a statement, message is nice not very profound or eloquent

:rolleyes: well, i can see where that came from. read your post, i said i was sorry. lets settle this like big kids. :D

Mistakes in those highlighted in red above ^
missed out capital letters for countries and 'you're' which should have been 'your' :up:

other than that....not bad :)

thanks *glows* i can't edit the poem now, though

more comments please

:nuts:

[shayr1]

poems depends on the rythm of words.

yeah, i know, the rhythm sucks. day-mn.

[Asma_Here]

then you could be showing off anonymously.. x.x or it's the emoticons you post make you look like a show off.. >_>

I am sorry if I hurt you.. I am going out of this!!

Sorry again

[shayr1]

I am sorry if I hurt you.. I am going out of this!!

Sorry again


i'm sorry too:crying:

are you leaving coz the craziness is too much? maybe rubbing off on you a lil bit? i'm sorry.

:nuts:

[Omar Mukhtar]

You got any more poems you wanan share wid us.

[shayr1]

ummmm, *thinks.....can't let my fans down*

*sweats*

of course i have!

ummm

roses are red
violets are blue
sugar is sweet
, and so are you


But the roses are wilting,
the violets are dead,
the sugar bowl's empty
and so is your head.

:nuts:

[Ibn Al-Jarrah]

ummmm, *thinks.....can't let my fans down*

*sweats*

of course i have!

ummm

roses are red
violets are blue
sugar is sweet
, and so are you


But the roses are wilting,
the violets are dead,
the sugar bowl's empty
and so is your head.

:nuts:

i can write better than that (http://www.ummah.com/forum/showthread.php?p=2456116#post2456116)

[Ambibi]

poetry doesnt have to rhyme, i think its nyc, ive written a lot of poems that dont rhyme too, but its the way you translate it what makes it what it is.

[shayr1]

well until i think of another poem so longggg


:mujahida: I'LL BE BACK :mujahida: