Children & affection= »-(¯`v´¯)-»

[*IslamicGirl*]

:start:

:salams

I have noticed children are naturally affectionate, they love showing their love so openly and you can gain their pleasure through the smallest deeds i.e. buying a lollipop or a bag of sweets.

The thing that upset me was this ‘trend’ of people – even some Muslims who do not show love and affection to their children let alone kids in general. As if it’s some sort of norm not to display affection openly. Maybe the reason is culture?

Once a sister remarked to another sister that she was surprised her father showed affection so openly for his daughter because their dad never did ( :sub: :( )

We have heard of accounts of RasoolAllah Peace and Blessings of Allah be upon him and his family openly showing affection to children esp to the Leaders of Paradise- Imam Hassan and Imam Hussain :love:

Hazrat Osama bin Zaid RadiyAllahu Anhu narrates that one night I visited RasoolAllah Sallallahu Alaihi wa Sallam and saw him carrying something on his back which I could not recognise. When I finished my task I enquired, ‘What are you carrying Ya RasoolAllah Sallallahu Alaihi wa Sallam?’ RasoolAllah Sallallahu Alaihi wa Sallam moved the cover and I saw that he was carrying Imam Hasan and Hussain. He then said, ‘O Allah! These two are my sons and the sons of my daughter. O Allah! I love them and love those who love them.’ [Tirmidhi, Mishkat] :love:

Have you encountered people like this? How do you encourage these people to show affection to their children? I guess to me it’s probably a culture thing- to look ‘macho’ you don’t display affection but if not in public then why not in front of the family? These children have talked about feeling left out, but how does one actually explain to parents that showing love and affection is a good thing? A Sunnah of RasoolAllah Peace and Blessings of Allah be upon him and his family.

:wswrwb:

[stephenoskie]

I love my nieces and newphews but i can be strict so i didnt know what to choose on the poll

[ummbilal]

the trick is getting the balance right, there is nothing worse than spoilt and obnoxious children who dont do as they are told or have any manners,

[Alifah]

I love children...until they grow up and learn how to lie, cheat,flatter...When they are small they are so innocent...but then their hearts get tougher, thoughts become dirtier, words become falser...And they are not so amiable and nice angels any longer...

[Zesty]

Like sister Umbilal says- there needs to be a balance but yes- i give affection in bucketloads :inlove: I cant help it. I just happen to love kids. I spent the day with my cousin yesterday- her son just cant get enough of me, hes always always troubling me! He knows that im going to grab him and tickle him and play "monsters" with him :rolleyes: :inlove:

My dad has always been really loving and affectionate with both me and my sister. Must admit- alot of my asian mates and muslims friends in particular found that really odd and bizarre cos that just didnt happen in their home. Quite sad really. I still go up to my dad now, throw my arms around him and give him a big fat kiss on the cheek :inlove: :o

[.: Anna :.]

there is a hadith where a man told rasoolallah :saw: that he has several kids and he never shows affection to them, and rasoolallah :saw: disapproved of that, and told the man its not good. mayb someone can post that hadith insha allah.
showing affection to them is not the same as spoiling

[ummbilal]

there is a hadith where a man told rasoolallah :saw: that he has several kids and he never shows affection to them, and rasoolallah :saw: disapproved of that, and told the man its not good. mayb someone can post that hadith insha allah.
showing affection to them is not the same as spoiling

(73) Aisha r.a. said : A desert Arab came to Rasulullah s.a.w. and said : "Do you kiss children ?, We do not kiss them". Rasulullah s.a.w said : "What can I do for you if Allah has taken away mercy from your heart ? " ( Bukhari, Muslim )

[.: Anna :.]

:jkk: sis :D

[*IslamicGirl*]

:start:

:salams


showing affection to them is not the same as spoiling

Exactly sis, i'm talking about the affection that spills out of you whether it is in public or not i.e. you see your cosuin ina pushchair across the street, you wouldn't feel ashamed to bend down and talk to him in whatever lingo you connect with?

Or you see your sister after ages and embrace her- it doesn't have to be public just general affection which many keep in check for some unknown bizarre reason.

:wswrwb:

[GuCcI]

my 2nd cousin grew up with no affection from dad and stepmom. no real guidance in life. now, (my age) shes a single mom living in a shelter :smack: still no guidance from dad


it screws up ur life. ive lost count of how many times she ran away from home.

sadder thing is her dad doesnt try all that hard to bring her back :scratch:

[THE PATH 2]

MOTHERS like to play good cop bad cop:D

guess who they make bad cop

seriously..from those whose answered..who has 4 kids aged from 5 to 15:)

[*IslamicGirl*]

:start:

:salams

my 2nd cousin grew up with no affection from dad and stepmom. no real guidance in life. now, (my age) shes a single mom living in a shelter :smack: still no guidance from dad


it screws up ur life. ive lost count of how many times she ran away from home.

sadder thing is her dad doesnt try all that hard to bring her back :scratch:

:sub: that is so sad, and that is one of the results of not showing love and affection.

I know a lot of people think that if you do not have affection from your parents when you grow up you will end up being cold towards your children, but i don't think that's true. Each individual can learn to grasp affection and love as it comes naturally. Some just try to stifle it by ot showing any esp to their children. And that is :sub: so sad.

:wswrwb:

[zahra_unknown]

Where is the love? :inlove: :love: :there:

[carol_au]

You know.. there are many reports of war orphans who though given food and warmth and all their basic needs still were dying in orphanages until it was realised that these children were dying simply because no one gave them physical affection. Once they were cuddled when being fed, or played with .. they started to thrive.

I have tried to find a good link to this story, but time is preventing me.

Allah (swt) created us with the need for love and affection in our lives and children need it so much. They need boundaries for security and within that security they need as much unconditional love and acceptance as we can give them.

They need our time, they need our attention, they need our guidance, our understanding and our acceptance.. this is all part of giving love and into this will come the boundaries and requirements and consequences of behaviour. But they need all that in an atmosphere of unconditional love.. so that even when they are disciplined, they know it's because they have stepped out of the expected behaviour, but they also know they don't need to be scared of mum and dad, but will find love and acceptance with them.

How often have I seen Muslim teenagers scared of going home from school to parents and telling them of a detention or a meeting required with a teacher. The fear and the tears in many of these students is so sad to see and the time it takes to re assure these students is long.

The worth of our children is not how well they do at school or how well they behave. Sadly, if we withhold ourselves and our unconditional love from our children..they will seek our time, attention and even proof of our love in ways we would prefer them not to.

[Zesty]

Good post sister carol :)

[dhakiyya]

strictness doesn't stop you being affectionate in the least. Kids are naughty maybe 5% of the time... then you have to be strict. The other 95% of the time when they are being good inshaAllah, give them lots of attention and affection inshaAllah. Even if a kid is just playing quietly ontheir own, doesn't stop you from giving them a quick hug or stroking their head and saying how nicely they are behaving.

[carol_au]

lol Dhakiyya.. i can still remember when my youngest son was just starring school and i was helping in the classroom. I passed his seat and had this uncontrollable urge to ruffle his hair gently just to let him know that I was thinking of him.

Imagine how I felt when I realised I had "ruffled the hair of the wrong student" .. and my son was sitting next to him.. with exactly the same colour of hair and hair cut :o

hehe.. my son and I still enjoy a hug when we are together and he is 16 now masha'Allah. May Allah watch over him and always be with Him. Ameen!!

[ImaanSeeker]

I absolutely love young children. Life would be boring without them. I love their spontaneity, its priceless.

[aishah_28]

I can never imagine my life without my children

[THE PATH 2]

mu daughters will one day be married

so i value everyday with them:o

[*IslamicGirl*]

:start:

:salams

Where is the love? :inlove: :love: :there:

Reminds me of this Bosnian Nasheed i have:

'in the smile of a child, in the blue of the sky'

:wswrwb: