Men They Move On?

[UniQue_BeDouin]

Asalamu3laikum..I have a question for the brothers on this forum...If u were intrested in a girl (for marriage) but it was takeing quite a while to get a reply would u move on or wait a little longer? jazak allah khair barak allah feekon btw sisters i want your opinions aswell vice versa

[Omar Mukhtar]

If you interested in marrying someone you should'nt make them have to wait, let them know ASAP. If you take a while to reply they might think that you have doubts about marrying them and it'll make them worry and stressed out, so moving on would be best option.

[PiElle2]

Hmmm... i would say... usually men won't tell the women what they are doing because they don't want to hurt the women directly...

[Fitnah Bolice]

No harm in having a little sabr, she may well be waiting for divine guidance (istikhara) to show her the path to take, could be other reasons, i.e. her family doing some background checks, getting character references of the brother in question. As long as you're not made to wait months on end, then wait it out, otherwise move on.

[PiElle2]

Hmmm... i would say... usually men won't tell the women what they are doing because they don't want to hurt the women directly...


oops... you are a bloke... sorry... women do like to take their own sweet time...:D

[GuCcI]

well if u think the potential is really good theres no harm in waiting.... your patience can pay off in the end.

my fiance waited for years for me :p :outta:

[UniQue_BeDouin]

well in this case the girl is eager to marry this guy and he knows it..its the mum who is playing the waiting game and he also knows this...its been almost two years shes waited for her mum to respond in the affermetive why cant he?

[LastFriday]

well in this case the girl is eager to marry this guy and he knows it..its the mum who is playing the waiting game and he also knows this...its been almost two years shes waited for her mum to respond in the affermetive why cant he?

If she has waited for 2 years and is waiting on her mum, then that shows a lot dedication on her behalf doesn't it? It would leave her heart broken if the guy moved on...I would think. But to be 100% Honest. He should move on as this is leading to a haram situation no? (1) they're not engaged (are they?) (2) His Mom has doubts, so family issues (3) Is it a relationship?? Surely 2 years, they have met and talked often. And in that case its not right. But then again, if they are in Love, its better for them TO get married. Stop them from ruining other peoples lives because lets face it, 2 years they've been waiting! Some Love that is, and if all of a sudden it ends and they marry some one else, how will it feel to the other person??

[Metroid]

I keep moving, I do not like waiting for long. This is not the first time I experienced that. It seems that women, contrary to men are not straight forward. In case of Proposals, it seems they find it so difficult to "say no" even if they are not interested in the dude. Silence is a "no" in most cases.

[insomniac]

I keep moving, I do not like waiting for long. This is not the first time I experienced that. It seems that women, contrary to men are not straight forward. In case of Proposals, it seems they find it so difficult to "say no" even if they are not interested in the dude. Silence is a "no" in most cases.

some women.

[GuCcI]

funny this topic should come up. i was having a heart to heart (:p) with a freind last nite who got a proposal months ago, seems like a pretty religious brother mashallah and hes really interested in her. but shes only in her 1st year of univrsity and the brother placed a condition that she must move back to bd with her after she graduates cuz hes here on a student visa so shes confused and hasnt been able to give him a straight answer and its been like more than 3 months :rubeyes:

her parents arent helping cuz they say she'll get other proposals but at the same time they remind him that this guy is doing his phd in some computer thing we hav no idea wat :hidban:

anyway, she majorly stressed and cant give a yes or no :(

[Riceball]

Girls usually wait for me, not the other way round! :up:

[LastFriday]

Girls usually wait for me, not the other way round! :up:

Your not special :rolleyes: All of our moms wait for us :) :p

[wifeseeker]

men move on, believe me.
otherwise it cud lead 2 a haram situation i.e. its cleaner n healthier 2 keep the 'finding out about each other' period short.
some of u say u waited 2yrs etc 4 a positive answer, in my opinion thats way 2 long (probably why i'm still single). if the guy seems rite then make ur family visit his n c wat he's like at home n in the community. giv the poor bleeder an answer. he must hav a golden heart 2 wait 2 yrs 4 a woman.
generally speaking i think its an asian thing to have long engagements, or waiting periods. mayb i need 2 go 4 non asian women!

[MG]

men move on, believe me.
otherwise it cud lead 2 a haram situation i.e. its cleaner n healthier 2 keep the 'finding out about each other' period short.
some of u say u waited 2yrs etc 4 a positive answer, in my opinion thats way 2 long (probably why i'm still single). if the guy seems rite then make ur family visit his n c wat he's like at home n in the community. giv the poor bleeder an answer. he must hav a golden heart 2 wait 2 yrs 4 a woman.
generally speaking i think its an asian thing to have long engagements, or waiting periods. mayb i need 2 go 4 non asian women!


dont do that, marrying a non-muslim woman can have serious repercussions futurewise, in regards to the deen continuing in your family

[Meriem]

If she has waited for 2 years and is waiting on her mum, then that shows a lot dedication on her behalf doesn't it? It would leave her heart broken if the guy moved on...I would think. But to be 100% Honest. He should move on as this is leading to a haram situation no? (1) they're not engaged (are they?) (2) His Mom has doubts, so family issues (3) Is it a relationship?? Surely 2 years, they have met and talked often. And in that case its not right. But then again, if they are in Love, its better for them TO get married. Stop them from ruining other peoples lives because lets face it, 2 years they've been waiting! Some Love that is, and if all of a sudden it ends and they marry some one else, how will it feel to the other person??


I'm sorry but if the mum is not considering the brother's offer for whatever reason regardless of how the girl feels about him he should move on marriage is a very serious matter and playing someone's feeling is morally wrong.

[ajnabee]

dont do that, marrying a non-muslim woman can have serious repercussions futurewise, in regards to the deen continuing in your family


erm the brother said non-asian - not non-muslim... so errr...

[Meriem]

dont do that, marrying a non-muslim woman can have serious repercussions futurewise, in regards to the deen continuing in your family

he said non Asian not a non muslim.:smack:

you don't think asians are the only muslims do you? :buttkick: i remember my cousin a while back who used to get a warm welcome everytime he went the near by masjid from Asian brothers. He soon realised they thought he was a convert. :help:

[MG]

erm the brother said non-asian - not non-muslim... so errr...


yeh i know, could mean both ways...wasnt sure what he meant so thought i wuld still mention it, no harm done.

[Treasured Soul]

I always thought men move on quicker than gals ... but i guess i was wrong :o

you have a few months to decide whether you cant to marry the sister or brother .. then its time to move on ... when ppl take too long deciding, like two years .. then io guess the person has to be worth waiting for! but the chances of that person saying yes are very slim ... maybe if they cant find anybody else and consider it as a last resort :smack:

I've got someone waiting for like two years and is still waiting ... told him to move on right from the beginning cuz im not sure when im going to be ready for marriage, but he insists on waiting :rubeyes:

[Metroid]

What I do is:
Give the Girl up to 2 weeks to decide if she wanna know more about me for the next 6 months. At the 6th month, I will ask her to make a decision if she want to get married. This way, we save each other time and troubles.
Form what I know women take even a while to even decide if she want to know more about you. The usually don't say anything keeping you waiting:rubeyes: and this is not even a proposal yet:rant:

[Treasured Soul]

are men usually more keen on getting married too?

[LastFriday]

are men usually more keen on getting married too?

Depends on which kind of a man your speaking of. A practicing one, then of course they want to get married.

[UniQue_BeDouin]

If she has waited for 2 years and is waiting on her mum, then that shows a lot dedication on her behalf doesn't it? It would leave her heart broken if the guy moved on...I would think. But to be 100% Honest. He should move on as this is leading to a haram situation no? (1) they're not engaged (are they?) (2) His Mom has doubts, so family issues (3) Is it a relationship?? Surely 2 years, they have met and talked often. And in that case its not right. But then again, if they are in Love, its better for them TO get married. Stop them from ruining other peoples lives because lets face it, 2 years they've been waiting! Some Love that is, and if all of a sudden it ends and they marry some one else, how will it feel to the other person??

In this situation thiers no haram going on..they speak only with mahrams around or she gets her brother to speak to him or he gets his sister to speak to her. No its not a relationship outhu billah these two people are religous..no his mum doesnt have doubt its her mum...and well right now this girl she has been left heart broken his moved on (soon to be engage) and she still sits in the shadow of what was going to be a happy ending...it sucks its not fair..who does she seriosuly blame her mother or this guy? i say both..if he was dedicated to her like she was to him he could have waited but then again men move on...

[Tahiyah]

how long ya been waiting? its not good to rush these things. if you were really serious about her, wouldnt you atleast be willing to wait long enough to get a reply?

do something nice to let her know your waiting, send some flowers to her and her mum..

[abdusamad]

move on.

[LastFriday]

In this situation thiers no haram going on..they speak only with mahrams around or she gets her brother to speak to him or he gets his sister to speak to her. No its not a relationship outhu billah these two people are religous..no his mum doesnt have doubt its her mum...and well right now this girl she has been left heart broken his moved on (soon to be engage) and she still sits in the shadow of what was going to be a happy ending...it sucks its not fair..who does she seriosuly blame her mother or this guy? i say both..if he was dedicated to her like she was to him he could have waited but then again men move on...

Are you kidding me? That sounds wrong on so many levels. How can she not have a relationship and still be left HEART BROKEN to a point where she "sits in the shadow of what was going to be a happy ending". Tell her to, move on! there are plenty of good bro's out there who will really love her and treat her like their Queen. Sounds to me like 2 years of a controlled non-Marital RELATIONSHIP. A ridiculous mockery in all honesty, how can it be controlled...! I mean If they had only talked with their mehrams present, how did she get so ATTACHED to him that she is "sitting in the shadow..." autho billa. Her priorities are out of sync. Yes she needs to get married, but who is she trying to please? Hopefully, Allah (swt). Just My 2cents, hopefully, I'm not misinterpreting things. Correct me Insha'Allah.

[$HugoBoss$]

Sabr ka pal mita hota hai :up:

[Metroid]

how long ya been waiting? its not good to rush these things. if you were really serious about her, wouldnt you atleast be willing to wait long enough to get a reply?

do something nice to let her know your waiting, send some flowers to her and her mum..

It is not good to rush things but also make someone wait too long is waste of his precious time.
Even if the man loves the girl, he should just move on and get another woman is is more serious about relationship. Long waiting is a Western Idea of doing things.
I think, people need not more than 12 months to finally decide of getting married. More than that is just some ridiculous amount of time. If two people are not meant to be together, it does not matter how long they know each other and their union will fail.
I've seen successful couple who met in as little as 4 days

[Sulaiman Harun]

:start:

:salams

Patience is most fitting here I suppose wAllahu A'alam

[(*_Hamzah]

Asalamu3laikum..I have a question for the brothers on this forum...If u were intrested in a girl (for marriage) but it was takeing quite a while to get a reply would u move on or wait a little longer? jazak allah khair barak allah feekon btw sisters i want your opinions aswell vice versa

Are you serious? Wait for the wife to get dress, I would move on in a jiffy :coolbro:

[UniQue_BeDouin]

Are you kidding me? That sounds wrong on so many levels. How can she not have a relationship and still be left HEART BROKEN to a point where she "sits in the shadow of what was going to be a happy ending". Tell her to, move on! there are plenty of good bro's out there who will really love her and treat her like their Queen. Sounds to me like 2 years of a controlled non-Marital RELATIONSHIP. A ridiculous mockery in all honesty, how can it be controlled...! I mean If they had only talked with their mehrams present, how did she get so ATTACHED to him that she is "sitting in the shadow..." autho billa. Her priorities are out of sync. Yes she needs to get married, but who is she trying to please? Hopefully, Allah (swt). Just My 2cents, hopefully, I'm not misinterpreting things. Correct me Insha'Allah.

Masha allah Your right..she needs to move on..jazak allah khair

[UniQue_BeDouin]

Are you serious? Wait for the wife to get dress, I would move on in a jiffy :coolbro:

lmao patience brother :P

[UniQue_BeDouin]

you know what triggers me is the fact this girl she has no patience but from this experience shes grown to have sabar..hmm its starting to seem that allah might have let this happen to teach her sabar..but subhanallah how it didnt work out...well it shows now that masha allah she had more sabar then this guy..may allah reward her for her patience and hardships ameen..jazak allah khair for your opinions guys it really helps :inlove:

[Hekmaa]

a lot of these issues come down to deen and in deen eeman. For a person with high level of eeman the halal and haram in Islam always remains clear, like the Prophet SAW said, Al halalu bayin wal haramu bayin. Halal is clear and Haram is clear.

The problem arises when our eemans are shaky, when we are doing deeds but they are just empty shells, when that is the case then we get confused about what is clearly halal and what is clearly haram.

With this issue you have asked about, if one puts all the sentimental stuff aside and puts all the emotional stuff that the sisters and brothers get wrapped around aside, the following is what Islam says:

When this brother approached the sisters family, and the brother is of noble character, is of deen, and can support the sister as the religion requires. Also there is compassion between them, and they are attracted, as per the requirement of deen. Then they should get married, there is no procrastinating, this is the amr of Allah swt and the sunnah of His beloved.

For people of eeman it is simple, you treat your parents kindly, but if they want to prevent you from the orders of Allah swt, then there is no confusion in what should be done. Therefore if that sisters Eeman was in the right place she would know what she should have done in a position where it is Allah swt vs Parents, ya'ane where is the difficulty? Even a child knows which avenue to take.

However because our eemans are shaky and our deeds are empty shells, shaytan and our nafs makes our emotions look important to us, wa zayana lahumushaytanu a'malahum, and shaytan beautifies for them their deeds. That is when they wait in haram, wait on the wrong of the parents while forsaking the command of Allah swt. If one was to ask that same person, if your mother asks you to stop praying would you stop. They would say "of course not".

Our Salaf mention a father who prevents his daughter from getting married to a proposal from a pious person is in fact carrying the burden of their child making zina. This is in accordance with the hadith of the Prophet SAW "If one whose religion and character pleases you proposes to you, you should marry him. If you do not do so, there will be tribulations in the land and great evil". Great evil is Zina and the side effects of Zina.

When such happens then how long is one to wait?

Who can determine that length?

Secondly, in this case it was the brother but in many cases it is the sister as well.

The reality is, follow deen, do what deen says. Just to put things in perspective a long hadith the essence of which i summaries here, a habashi came to the Prophet SAW and complained to the Prophet SAW that he has been trying to find a wife and he cant, because he is black and because he is poor. So the Prophet SAW sent him to so and so's house, a person of noble lineage, and told him to propose to his daughter and if he protests tell him Rasoolullah SAW sent you. The habashi went to this house, this mans daughter was known well amongst the women of madeena for her beauty and goodness of character.

When the habashi ghulam arrived and mentioned to her father his intentions, the father chased him out. The man came back to the Prophet SAW and explained what happened. The Propeht SAW sent for this family and they were brought, and the father of this girl was arguing with the Prophet SAW about this ghulam and his daughter, ya'ane big miss match, and how this could be possible, she from a noble lineage and he a freed slave. Whilst this argument was going on, the voice of the daughter could be heard from under her niqaab "Oh my father success, oh my father success", meaning dont look at his appearance look at what i will be fulfilling, the sunnah of the Prophet SAW. The nikkah was made and she saved her father from a huge error and fulfilled the sunnah.

If all the sisters look at deen with the eye of eeman, why would there by any wait, and why would there be "oh she waited longer than him" or "he waited longer than her", what use is there in that wait when the damage has already been done.

There is no difference between a parent telling a child dont pray your witr salah, and telling the child dont get married to this person. Is a daughter or a son ready to listen to a parent and not pray witr salah? when Islam clearly says "there is no obedience to the servant over what is the command of the Creator". So why do they punish themselves and delay what has been made halal for them?

How does the ummah expect to solve the current issues it is facing when on a basic level, we cant get our youth married. One point brought up earlier, if Allah swt has switched the heart of a person towards someone, then that person is forced to marry someone else, that is 4 lives, ruined.


Asa faa Asa faa,

[MMS]

the amount of time he waits correlates with how good looking the sister is

:outta:

[Metroid]

a lot of these issues come down to deen and in deen eeman. For a person with high level of eeman the halal and haram in Islam always remains clear, like the Prophet SAW said, Al halalu bayin wal haramu bayin. Halal is clear and Haram is clear.

The problem arises when our eemans are shaky, when we are doing deeds but they are just empty shells, when that is the case then we get confused about what is clearly halal and what is clearly haram.

With this issue you have asked about, if one puts all the sentimental stuff aside and puts all the emotional stuff that the sisters and brothers get wrapped around aside, the following is what Islam says:

When this brother approached the sisters family, and the brother is of noble character, is of deen, and can support the sister as the religion requires. Also there is compassion between them, and they are attracted, as per the requirement of deen. Then they should get married, there is no procrastinating, this is the amr of Allah swt and the sunnah of His beloved.

For people of eeman it is simple, you treat your parents kindly, but if they want to prevent you from the orders of Allah swt, then there is no confusion in what should be done. Therefore if that sisters Eeman was in the right place she would know what she should have done in a position where it is Allah swt vs Parents, ya'ane where is the difficulty? Even a child knows which avenue to take.

However because our eemans are shaky and our deeds are empty shells, shaytan and our nafs makes our emotions look important to us, wa zayana lahumushaytanu a'malahum, and shaytan beautifies for them their deeds. That is when they wait in haram, wait on the wrong of the parents while forsaking the command of Allah swt. If one was to ask that same person, if your mother asks you to stop praying would you stop. They would say "of course not".

Our Salaf mention a father who prevents his daughter from getting married to a proposal from a pious person is in fact carrying the burden of their child making zina. This is in accordance with the hadith of the Prophet SAW "If one whose religion and character pleases you proposes to you, you should marry him. If you do not do so, there will be tribulations in the land and great evil". Great evil is Zina and the side effects of Zina.

When such happens then how long is one to wait?

Who can determine that length?

Secondly, in this case it was the brother but in many cases it is the sister as well.

The reality is, follow deen, do what deen says. Just to put things in perspective a long hadith the essence of which i summaries here, a habashi came to the Prophet SAW and complained to the Prophet SAW that he has been trying to find a wife and he cant, because he is black and because he is poor. So the Prophet SAW sent him to so and so's house, a person of noble lineage, and told him to propose to his daughter and if he protests tell him Rasoolullah SAW sent you. The habashi went to this house, this mans daughter was known well amongst the women of madeena for her beauty and goodness of character.

When the habashi ghulam arrived and mentioned to her father his intentions, the father chased him out. The man came back to the Prophet SAW and explained what happened. The Propeht SAW sent for this family and they were brought, and the father of this girl was arguing with the Prophet SAW about this ghulam and his daughter, ya'ane big miss match, and how this could be possible, she from a noble lineage and he a freed slave. Whilst this argument was going on, the voice of the daughter could be heard from under her niqaab "Oh my father success, oh my father success", meaning dont look at his appearance look at what i will be fulfilling, the sunnah of the Prophet SAW. The nikkah was made and she saved her father from a huge error and fulfilled the sunnah.

If all the sisters look at deen with the eye of eeman, why would there by any wait, and why would there be "oh she waited longer than him" or "he waited longer than her", what use is there in that wait when the damage has already been done.

There is no difference between a parent telling a child dont pray your witr salah, and telling the child dont get married to this person. Is a daughter or a son ready to listen to a parent and not pray witr salah? when Islam clearly says "there is no obedience to the servant over what is the command of the Creator". So why do they punish themselves and delay what has been made halal for them?

How does the ummah expect to solve the current issues it is facing when on a basic level, we cant get our youth married. One point brought up earlier, if Allah swt has switched the heart of a person towards someone, then that person is forced to marry someone else, that is 4 lives, ruined.


Asa faa Asa faa,

well said bro:up:

[wifeseeker]

dont do that, marrying a non-muslim woman can have serious repercussions futurewise, in regards to the deen continuing in your family

ya allah.
i sed non asian, not non muslim.
i just want a pious wife inshallah.

[MG]

ya allah.
i sed non asian, not non muslim.
i just want a pious wife inshallah.


see my reply after to that to sis ajnabee....:smack:

[LastFriday]

a lot of these issues come down to deen and in deen eeman. For a person with high level of eeman the halal and haram in Islam always remains clear, like the Prophet SAW said, Al halalu bayin wal haramu bayin. Halal is clear and Haram is clear.

The problem arises when our eemans are shaky, when we are doing deeds but they are just empty shells, when that is the case then we get confused about what is clearly halal and what is clearly haram.

With this issue you have asked about, if one puts all the sentimental stuff aside and puts all the emotional stuff that the sisters and brothers get wrapped around aside, the following is what Islam says:

When this brother approached the sisters family, and the brother is of noble character, is of deen, and can support the sister as the religion requires. Also there is compassion between them, and they are attracted, as per the requirement of deen. Then they should get married, there is no procrastinating, this is the amr of Allah swt and the sunnah of His beloved.

For people of eeman it is simple, you treat your parents kindly, but if they want to prevent you from the orders of Allah swt, then there is no confusion in what should be done. Therefore if that sisters Eeman was in the right place she would know what she should have done in a position where it is Allah swt vs Parents, ya'ane where is the difficulty? Even a child knows which avenue to take.

However because our eemans are shaky and our deeds are empty shells, shaytan and our nafs makes our emotions look important to us, wa zayana lahumushaytanu a'malahum, and shaytan beautifies for them their deeds. That is when they wait in haram, wait on the wrong of the parents while forsaking the command of Allah swt. If one was to ask that same person, if your mother asks you to stop praying would you stop. They would say "of course not".

Our Salaf mention a father who prevents his daughter from getting married to a proposal from a pious person is in fact carrying the burden of their child making zina. This is in accordance with the hadith of the Prophet SAW "If one whose religion and character pleases you proposes to you, you should marry him. If you do not do so, there will be tribulations in the land and great evil". Great evil is Zina and the side effects of Zina.

When such happens then how long is one to wait?

Who can determine that length?

Secondly, in this case it was the brother but in many cases it is the sister as well.

The reality is, follow deen, do what deen says. Just to put things in perspective a long hadith the essence of which i summaries here, a habashi came to the Prophet SAW and complained to the Prophet SAW that he has been trying to find a wife and he cant, because he is black and because he is poor. So the Prophet SAW sent him to so and so's house, a person of noble lineage, and told him to propose to his daughter and if he protests tell him Rasoolullah SAW sent you. The habashi went to this house, this mans daughter was known well amongst the women of madeena for her beauty and goodness of character.

When the habashi ghulam arrived and mentioned to her father his intentions, the father chased him out. The man came back to the Prophet SAW and explained what happened. The Propeht SAW sent for this family and they were brought, and the father of this girl was arguing with the Prophet SAW about this ghulam and his daughter, ya'ane big miss match, and how this could be possible, she from a noble lineage and he a freed slave. Whilst this argument was going on, the voice of the daughter could be heard from under her niqaab "Oh my father success, oh my father success", meaning dont look at his appearance look at what i will be fulfilling, the sunnah of the Prophet SAW. The nikkah was made and she saved her father from a huge error and fulfilled the sunnah.

If all the sisters look at deen with the eye of eeman, why would there by any wait, and why would there be "oh she waited longer than him" or "he waited longer than her", what use is there in that wait when the damage has already been done.

There is no difference between a parent telling a child dont pray your witr salah, and telling the child dont get married to this person. Is a daughter or a son ready to listen to a parent and not pray witr salah? when Islam clearly says "there is no obedience to the servant over what is the command of the Creator". So why do they punish themselves and delay what has been made halal for them?

How does the ummah expect to solve the current issues it is facing when on a basic level, we cant get our youth married. One point brought up earlier, if Allah swt has switched the heart of a person towards someone, then that person is forced to marry someone else, that is 4 lives, ruined.


Asa faa Asa faa,

Wow....Simply Brilliant!....That is so well said bro! Really a good reminder and I think All parents should read that.

[Hekmaa]

Some people have asked me why 4 lives. Well you have the two people who loved each other and wanted to get married, B1 and S1. They were not allowed to marry and forced to marry people they didnt want to marry.

So the brother (B1) marries a sister (S2), his life is ruined, and he ruins the life of the sister he marries.

The sister (S1) marries a brother (B2), her life is ruined and she ruins the life of the brother she marries.

By ruin it means that they will always remember the person they wanted to marry and also how life could have been. At any moment of hardship the first thought would be "if i married the person i wanted this wouldnt happen".

This is why religion says marry only those who you have want to marry.

Also for those people who asked if they could use this to show to other people, our Salaf have said "knowledge is like a light, so let people light their candles with it", therefore this is not knowledge from me, it is from Allah swt and you are all welcome to share it.

[UniQue_BeDouin]

Jazak Allah Khair masha allah well said thanks..barak allah feek

[Umm 'Umarah]

Some people have asked me why 4 lives. Well you have the two people who loved each other and wanted to get married, B1 and S1. They were not allowed to marry and forced to marry people they didnt want to marry.

So the brother (B1) marries a sister (S2), his life is ruined, and he ruins the life of the sister he marries.

The sister (S1) marries a brother (B2), her life is ruined and she ruins the life of the brother she marries.

By ruin it means that they will always remember the person they wanted to marry and also how life could have been. At any moment of hardship the first thought would be "if i married the person i wanted this wouldnt happen".

This is why religion says marry only those who you have want to marry.

Also for those people who asked if they could use this to show to other people, our Salaf have said "knowledge is like a light, so let people light their candles with it", therefore this is not knowledge from me, it is from Allah swt and you are all welcome to share it.


All the B1's should be thrown off a cliff not marrying their S1's in the first place. If you can't walk the walk then don't talk the talk. There is no such thing as a man being 'forced' into marriage.

there should never be a B1 and S1 relationship to begin with, then there would never be an outcome of lives being ruined as a result of it.

also, maybe B1 and S1 we're never meant for each other.
Top signature btw.. :jkk:

[MMS]

S1 and B1 shouldnt be so bollywoodfied, they shouldnt be so attached to one another and if they are not to be married they should accept what Allah has decreed and move on.

personally i dont think any man is worth me going against my parents wishes

even if i do really 'love' a person and want to marry them but my parents disagree, i'd be ready to sacrifice the bollywood dreams for my parents happiness insha'Allah

its just temporary anyway *shrug*

[.: Anna :.]

It doesn't have to be a relationship.. but if you want to marry someone, they want to marry you, and then something prevents it like parents start to make an issue etc or something comes up to make it difficult, obviously people will feel something bc they wanted to marry that person. that is not bollywoodified, it is natural to feel like that :S I doubt after people found someone that they both want to get married, that they will feel nothing whatsoever towards them until the marriage is completed. They dont have to go sneak out and meet up and all that stuff in order to develop some feelings..

[wifeseeker]

see my reply after to that to sis ajnabee....:smack:

all is 4given.
by the way good observation from sis ajnabee.
like u sed, no harm dun
i get knocked down but i get up again...
hah

[MG]

all is 4given.
by the way good observation from sis ajnabee.
like u sed, no harm dun
i get knocked down but i get up again...
hah


inshallah it wasnt to knock u down at all brother,so chill :)

[Metroid]

Can someone plz Tell me what bollywoodified or bollywoodify mean:o

[MG]

Can someone plz Tell me what bollywoodified or bollywoodify mean:o



i.e. u believe all the fairy tales in bollywood films and cant differentiate between real life and ........Bollywood!!!

[Metroid]

i.e. u believe all the fairy tales in bollywood films and cant differentiate between real life and ........Bollywood!!!

OOOOHHHH:shock: now i understand what going on in forums when they say bollywood:rubeyes:

[afsalim]

Asalamu3laikum..I have a question for the brothers on this forum...If u were intrested in a girl (for marriage) but it was takeing quite a while to get a reply would u move on or wait a little longer? jazak allah khair barak allah feekon btw sisters i want your opinions aswell vice versa

Walaikumussalam.

No, I would wait until I get my answer. If she says yes, Alhamdulillah. If she says no, subhanAllah (because I know that Allah SWT has stored someone better for me) and I'll move on.

[Hekmaa]

The issue is not about relationships or a person, but the principle.

The reality is very simply, when does a person make the call that this is my obligation to parents and this is my obligation to Allah swt.

Allah swt says in the Holy Quran that on the day of Questioning everyone will be standing "faarda", alone. That day there is no hiding behind "oh it was my parents".

If parents are going to reject a person based on reasons of jahiliyah i.e colour, race, language then it is not about one person, but about groups and groups of people.

One decent brother comes to propose and he is Arab, parents say no because he is not from Malaysia. Another decent brother comes to propose, his Spanish the parents say no, again, because he is not Malaysian.

How long does that sister have to sacrifice her haqq for what was allowed to her by Allah swt and His rasool SAW? To marry a decent Muslim brother. Not a decent Kashmiri, or Afghan or Arab.

That is not Islam, for a sister to sit at home at age of marriage, whilst the parents are rejecting proper brothers based on reasons not acceptable to Allah swt.

If she is just accepting this from the parents, dont let her think she is doing something good by deen. She cant come and say " i dont think any brother is worth me going against my parents" and feel that she is doing something right. On an emotional level it may seem all warm and fuzzy, but neither is Allah swt nor the angels of deeds emotional and fuzzy.

Allah swt talks in the Holy Quran about the example of Bani Israaeel, how He swt promises them the holy city only if they enter it. Simple task, that is all the effort required from them. However even in that, they did not do it and asked Musa AS that he and Allah swt go and empty it, then they will come.

That mind set is a mindset that comes from weakness of Eeman, when people can not stand for what Allah swt has made clear for them, and they can see the answer right in front of them. All they have to do is a little sacrifice and Allah swt will bless them in it. Instead of doing that, they do what bani israaeel did, hide behind the ignorance of the parents and say wait for Allah swt to do it for them.

Islam is against lewdness, against vice and what is clearly made Haram. It is not against having feelings of marriage for a person and proposing to them and getting to know them in family interviews or through other people who know them. There is Hikayah from Taabieen, that they would go hide behind walls and trees, and try to educate themselves about the woman they wanted to marry.

Finally if your understanding of respect for parents is to reject brothers because parents dont like the language he speaks. So be it, but dont give yourself the right to make fun of sisters and brothers who know the importance of the saying of Prophet saw "If one whose religion and character pleases you proposes to you, you should marry him. If you do not do so, there will be tribulations in the land and great evil". The bond of a parent and child is never that weak that it breaks by marriage, however shaytans whisper creates fears in the heart. Fears of losing parents, of upsetting them in order that he may stop you from fulfilling half your eeman.

Why doesnt shaytan give that great importance to parents when you are doing haram? Why doesnt the heart then think "oh i am going to lose them, i am going to hurt them". But instead it is in a big rush and you dont even remember parents. However when it comes to marriage, to half your eeman, then you remember "OMG my parents".

[wifeseeker]

brother hekmaa, u r special 2 this forum.
u giv luvly sound advice.
u talk straight n tell it how it is.
i admire u 4 that.
if we all had a great attitude like u then mayb we (as a web community) cud make our lives easier 4 each other by helping each other.
my particular hardship is that i need a wife.
but after hardship comes ease.

[MG]

brother hekmaa, u r special 2 this forum.
u giv luvly sound advice.
u talk straight n tell it how it is.
i admire u 4 that.
if we all had a great attitude like u then mayb we (as a web community) cud make our lives easier 4 each other by helping each other.
my particular hardship is that i need a wife.
but after hardship comes ease.


i give "luvly" advice to ... look at me answering Metroid's bollywood posts :(

[wifeseeker]

i will.
i'll look into the matter deeply!
allah knows best.