View Full Version : Too Many Rules
Culture.
that's right. that thing thats making my life so complicated :rubeyes:
Now im being grilled about wat i can and cant do when i arrive at my "husband's home" :rolleyes: ... which is actually his parents home :smack:
The dos and donts of a new bangla bride: (my parents says)
The Don'ts :nono:
"dont speak unless you are asked to speak" :rubeyes: how am i gonna live!
"dont speak in a loud voice" :rolleyes:
"dont sound like a man wen you speak" hehehe :p
"dont approach elders unless they call for you"
"dont eavesdrop"
"dont sit near elders unless they call you to sit"
"dont look at anyone" - keep your gaze down
"dont offer to help with something that u dont know how to do- u'll only embarass US" :0:
"dont ask your motherinlaw for your gold jewellry shes keeping in safety"
"dont call your motherinlaw 'aunty'" :smack:
"dont call your husband with his first name, especially in front of his family" :eek:
"dont be stuck up"
thats a lot of donts :( so...
The Do's :up:
"do ask elders wat can be done around the house to help" :coolsis:
"do offer to do the dishes"
"do offer to help in the kitchen"
"do offer to do anything cooking related" :zzz:
"do be freindly,respectful,polite,etc. with the inlaws"
"do act in a way so we`re not given a bad name" :eek3:
funnily enough there are more donts than dos :rolleyes:
feel free to add more to my wonderful list which i will be tested from... :help:
erm...how can you not speak unless you're asked to speak and offer to do the dishes/do cooking related stuff?:scratch:
...and supposing you get past that issue, I dont know how, what if you're told to do something you cant do - what then?:scratch:
lastly - people who sit away from others, dont try to talk to them, dont look at them and only look at the floor are generally perceived as unfriendly...
-You'd better just do as you're told Gucci :p
Muhammad2
19-02-08, 11:22 PM
She could get one of those little signs that Wile E Coyote always seemed to have handy.
Baybars
19-02-08, 11:41 PM
Culture.
that's right. that thing thats making my life so complicated :rubeyes:
Now im being grilled about wat i can and cant do when i arrive at my "husband's home" :rolleyes: ... which is actually his parents home :smack:
The dos and donts of a new bangla bride: (my parents says)
The Don'ts :nono:
"dont speak unless you are asked to speak" :rubeyes: how am i gonna live!
"dont speak in a loud voice" :rolleyes:
"dont sound like a man wen you speak" hehehe :p
"dont approach elders unless they call for you"
"dont eavesdrop"
"dont sit near elders unless they call you to sit"
"dont look at anyone" - keep your gaze down
"dont offer to help with something that u dont know how to do- u'll only embarass US" :0:
"dont ask your motherinlaw for your gold jewellry shes keeping in safety"
"dont call your motherinlaw 'aunty'" :smack:
"dont call your husband with his first name, especially in front of his family" :eek:
"dont be stuck up"
thats a lot of donts :( so...
The Do's :up:
"do ask elders wat can be done around the house to help" :coolsis:
"do offer to do the dishes"
"do offer to help in the kitchen"
"do offer to do anything cooking related" :zzz:
"do be freindly,respectful,polite,etc. with the inlaws"
"do act in a way so we`re not given a bad name" :eek3:
funnily enough there are more donts than dos :rolleyes:
feel free to add more to my wonderful list which i will be tested from... :help:
Poor Gucci! How unfortunate. :D
I'd definitely break the "gold" rule, which some might consider to be THE golden rule!
Who's doing the grilling?
LastFriday
19-02-08, 11:55 PM
:rotfl: hahah
Saudi Prince
19-02-08, 11:59 PM
Culture.
that's right. that thing thats making my life so complicated :rubeyes:
Now im being grilled about wat i can and cant do when i arrive at my "husband's home" :rolleyes: ... which is actually his parents home :smack:
The dos and donts of a new bangla bride: (my parents says)
The Don'ts :nono:
"dont speak unless you are asked to speak" :rubeyes: how am i gonna live!
"dont speak in a loud voice" :rolleyes:
"dont sound like a man wen you speak" hehehe :p
"dont approach elders unless they call for you"
"dont eavesdrop"
"dont sit near elders unless they call you to sit"
"dont look at anyone" - keep your gaze down
"dont offer to help with something that u dont know how to do- u'll only embarass US" :0:
"dont ask your motherinlaw for your gold jewellry shes keeping in safety"
"dont call your motherinlaw 'aunty'" :smack:
"dont call your husband with his first name, especially in front of his family" :eek:
"dont be stuck up"
thats a lot of donts :( so...
The Do's :up:
"do ask elders wat can be done around the house to help" :coolsis:
"do offer to do the dishes"
"do offer to help in the kitchen"
"do offer to do anything cooking related" :zzz:
"do be freindly,respectful,polite,etc. with the inlaws"
"do act in a way so we`re not given a bad name" :eek3:
funnily enough there are more donts than dos :rolleyes:
feel free to add more to my wonderful list which i will be tested from... :help:
I seek refuge from Jahannam! What's this? :mad:
insomniac
20-02-08, 12:07 AM
:rubeyes: thas some annoying stuff....can ya ditch the in laws in any way possible :confused:
all the don't will become do's :D
RashidD
20-02-08, 12:23 AM
Much of those don'ts can be categorised as just being good conduct i guess... Don't speak loudly/ like a man/ eavesdrop/ lower your gaze etc.
Umm 'Umarah
20-02-08, 12:34 AM
These things are important Gucci, you don't want to bring shame on your family.
also
Don't walk down the stairs loudly or like an elephant.
Don't sit at the table and eat before everyone else. always ask others do they want some ( this is Sunnah, basic adhaab) and if people are eating, and your mother in-law and your sister in-law haven't eaten yet, wait for them and eat with them.
Don't laugh loudly like a hyena, and when you sit, don't slouch in front of your in-laws.
Don't start joking and flirting with your hubby in front of people. (makes others around you feel uncomfortable)
Don't ever say you can't or dont want to do something, always at least try or say you'll do it later.
don't think of your in-laws as outsiders, they are going to be your family, so treat them like real family, life will be much easier that way.
always be nice to everyone and smile, even if you're annoyed. You should learn to adapt in any kind of situation, so be prepared for it. Sometimes, if you change your attitude in certain situations, you can deal with them better, remember you can't change people you can only change yourself.
fa sabrun jameel. Insha'Allah
:rubeyes: thas some annoying stuff....can ya ditch the in laws in any way possible :confused:
all the don't will become do's :D
yeah theres no way unless we're on our honeymoon. we're getting married back home in la village remember :nervous:
some of it is kinda strange though... why do i have to keep my gaze low in front of my mil and her sisters and their mother :scratch:
These things are important Gucci, you don't want to bring shame on your family.
also
Don't walk down the stairs loudly or like an elephant.
Don't sit at the table and eat before everyone else. always ask others do they want some ( this is Sunnah, basic adhaab) and if people are eating, and your mother in-law and your sister in-law haven't eaten yet, wait for them and eat with them.
Don't laugh loudly like a hyena, and when you sit, don't slouch in front of your in-laws.
Don't start joking and flirting with your hubby in front of people. (makes others around you feel uncomfortable)
Don't ever say you can't or dont want to do something, always at least try or say you'll do it later.
oh that stinks, i always laugh like a hyena :(
the shame thing is wat everyone keeps stressing :( its a lot of pressure :rubeyes:
insomniac
20-02-08, 12:48 AM
yeah theres no way unless we're on our honeymoon. we're getting married back home in la village remember :nervous:
some of it is kinda strange though... why do i have to keep my gaze low in front of my mil and her sisters and their mother :scratch:
maybe it's to stop the girls from becoming defiant and staring the other girls out and then reaching for their pistols and peowwww - western shootouts in the making (Bengali style) :p
http://www.jacksonholenet.com/images/content/oldwestdaysposter2006.jpg
ok too much Frosties for me :torture:
for real tho as sis Umm Umarah pointed out, be polite, early stages you have to remain very polite to make a good impression and slowly you'll be able to slip into yourself a bit (obviously the good bits - we all got our bad bits in our pesonality which we wana ditch)
I seek refuge from Jahannam! What's this? :mad:
wats wrong with u :rolleyes:
Umm 'Umarah
20-02-08, 12:56 AM
yeah theres no way unless we're on our honeymoon. we're getting married back home in la village remember :nervous:
some of it is kinda strange though... why do i have to keep my gaze low in front of my mil and her sisters and their mother :scratch:
I don't think they mean all the time, i think that's just in the initial stages when you're a new bride. if you start looking up staring at everyone it would mean to them you are lacking in hayaa. When these oldies got married, they had their heads down so badly their necks would ache for days. (so, I've been told)
oh that stinks, i always laugh like a hyena :(
the shame thing is wat everyone keeps stressing :( its a lot of pressure :rubeyes:
honestly, ukhti, your behaviour would reflect on your parents and your upbringing... first thing people will say is "didn't her parents, her mother teach her to do/or not to do that"
You don't want people to say anything bad about your parents especially when it's not their fault.
Rosalie-Beauty
20-02-08, 12:56 AM
I utturly and sorrily pity you. I too dislike much of culture.
good luck and dont worry, we will be expecting lots of "rant" posts after you move in. :D
honestly, ukhti, your behaviour would reflect on your parents and your upbringing... first thing people will say is "didn't her parents, her mother teach her to do/or not to do that"
You don't want people to say anything bad about your parents especially when it's not their fault.
yeah, thats y my mom taught me to make tea, rice and daal in the past few weeks :(
i hate how my parents' rep is on my shoulders? :rubeyes:
(*_Hamzah
20-02-08, 02:20 AM
oh that stinks, i always laugh like a hyena :(
the shame thing is wat everyone keeps stressing :( its a lot of pressure :rubeyes:
Ignore that piece of advice from Umm 'Umarah she has no sense of homour. If you want to laugh cover your mouth with your hand and face down, and if it’s the excitement get to much for you to handle then run to your room and let it out.
$HugoBoss$
20-02-08, 02:28 AM
Ignore that piece of advice from Umm 'Umarah she has no sense of homour. If you want to laugh cover your mouth with your hand and face down, and if it’s the excitement get to much for you to handle then run to your room and let it out.
I think everybody on this forum would be better off if we ignored you.
I think everybody on this forum would be better off if we ignored you.
excuse me, please dont speak to my brother that way :torture:
wat he said makes perfect sense... sometimes its hard to hold in laughter and its best to just leave the room if u cant hold it in. its better than laughing out loud and everyone staring at the new bride.
(*_Hamzah
20-02-08, 02:38 AM
I think everybody on this forum would be better off if we ignored you.
LOL, Hugo what was the name of the doctor that preformed lobotomy on you?
Rosalie-Beauty
20-02-08, 02:38 AM
I would laugh out loud. Why not? Do you want them to know you as someone your not?
(*_Hamzah
20-02-08, 02:42 AM
excuse me, please dont speak to my brother that way :torture:
wat he said makes perfect sense... sometimes its hard to hold in laughter and its best to just leave the room if u cant hold it in. its better than laughing out loud and everyone staring at the new bride.
Insha'Allah if you have children, boy or a girl, teach them the same thing like cooking, cleaning, snow plowing and fishing
And have a routine you can stick with, like
4.00 Fjr
4.30 back to sleep
7.00 wake up
7.15 wash
7.45 make breakfast
8.30 clean up
Don’t keep on delay house duties they only pile up
$HugoBoss$
20-02-08, 02:44 AM
excuse me, please dont speak to my brother that way :torture:
wat he said makes perfect sense... sometimes its hard to hold in laughter and its best to just leave the room if u cant hold it in. its better than laughing out loud and everyone staring at the new bride.
Laughing is good, it's sunnah.
$HugoBoss$
20-02-08, 02:45 AM
LOL, Hugo what was the name of the doctor that preformed lobotomy on you?
No it wasn't, his name was doctor love :coolbro:
Rosalie-Beauty
20-02-08, 02:47 AM
Laughing is good, it's sunnah.
totally agree, and it releases endorphins in the brain, which is a natural pain reliever. So laugh to your hearts content to keep the pain of cultural rules at bay. :D
ummbilal
20-02-08, 02:48 AM
Culture.
that's right. that thing thats making my life so complicated :rubeyes:
Now im being grilled about wat i can and cant do when i arrive at my "husband's home" :rolleyes: ... which is actually his parents home :smack:
The dos and donts of a new bangla bride: (my parents says)
The Don'ts :nono:
"dont speak unless you are asked to speak" :rubeyes: how am i gonna live!
"dont speak in a loud voice" :rolleyes:
"dont sound like a man wen you speak" hehehe :p
"dont approach elders unless they call for you"
"dont eavesdrop"
"dont sit near elders unless they call you to sit"
"dont look at anyone" - keep your gaze down
"dont offer to help with something that u dont know how to do- u'll only embarass US" :0:
"dont ask your motherinlaw for your gold jewellry shes keeping in safety"
"dont call your motherinlaw 'aunty'" :smack:
"dont call your husband with his first name, especially in front of his family" :eek:
"dont be stuck up"
thats a lot of donts :( so...
The Do's :up:
"do ask elders wat can be done around the house to help" :coolsis:
"do offer to do the dishes"
"do offer to help in the kitchen"
"do offer to do anything cooking related" :zzz:
"do be freindly,respectful,polite,etc. with the inlaws"
"do act in a way so we`re not given a bad name" :eek3:
funnily enough there are more donts than dos :rolleyes:
feel free to add more to my wonderful list which i will be tested from... :help:
I've got a good one
DO GET YOUR OWN PLACE ASAP !
(*_Hamzah
20-02-08, 02:50 AM
Laughing is good, it's sunnah.
I don’t think nobody is disagreeing with that everything should be done with etiquettes, suppose Gucci inlaws made a good joke, and she found it funny does that suggest she should start rolling on the floor, and jump up and down?
Of course not!
(*_Hamzah
20-02-08, 02:51 AM
I've got a good one
DO GET YOUR OWN PLACE ASAP !
Why when he in-laws are housing here and feeding her?
The sisters only wants to make a good and lasting impression, what is wrong with that
Rosalie-Beauty
20-02-08, 02:53 AM
I don’t think nobody is disagreeing with that everything should be done with etiquettes, suppose Gucci inlaws made a good joke, and she found it funny does that suggest she should start rolling on the floor, and jump up and down?
Of course not!
Well I dont think she would do that anyway. But why not laugh freely? How is she supposed to bond with her new family if she's is not even allowed to let out a squeak of a laugh? Acting fake just puts pressure on everyone and creates a stiff awkwardness.
ummbilal
20-02-08, 02:53 AM
Why when he in-laws are housing here and feeding her?
The sisters only wants to make a good and lasting impression, what is wrong with that
nothings wrong with that, lets just say things werent all roses and smiles when i lived with my inlaws!(they are not muslim btw)
and i'd recommend any new couple to get their own place asap as it can be very hard living with inlaws esspecially with all the culture stuff thrown in.
MustBePatient
20-02-08, 02:55 AM
@hugo boss, there are reports that too much laughter hardens the hearts. It should be seen in the light of the other hadiths that condemn too much laughter and be taken into moderation. Also should be taken into context of the hadiths that report much tears and sadness on the part of the Nabi (Sallallahu Alayhi Wa Aulihi Wa Salam).
$HugoBoss$
20-02-08, 02:56 AM
I don’t think nobody is disagreeing with that everything should be done with etiquettes, suppose Gucci inlaws made a good joke, and she found it funny does that suggest she should start rolling on the floor, and jump up and down?
Of course not!
First of all nobody rolls on the floor or jumps up and down when someone cracks a joke, laughing loud and hard is sometimes uncontrollable and people know that.
The only time i would control my laughter is when someone might get offended but thats a different situation.
Plus if she doesn't laugh they might think she's a robot or they might get the impression that she's unhappy.
thanks guys.... now im even more confused :p
hard heart, stiff person, good impression... wow :rubeyes:
Rosalie-Beauty
20-02-08, 02:58 AM
@hugo boss, there are reports that too much laughter hardens the hearts. It should be seen in the light of the other hadiths that condemn too much laughter and be taken into moderation. Also should be taken into context of the hadiths that report much tears and sadness on the part of the Nabi (Sallallahu Alayhi Wa Aulihi Wa Salam).
yes of course, everything should be taken and done in moderation. But the main point was that she should just be herself.
(and yes GuCci, I know were talking about you like you're not here) :o
yes of course, everything should be taken and done in moderation. But the main point was that she should just be herself.
(and yes GuCci, I know were talking about you like you're not here) :o
rude obnoxious and snobby? id rather be someone else :outta:
(*_Hamzah
20-02-08, 03:03 AM
nothings wrong with that, lets just say things werent all roses and smiles when i lived with my inlaws!(they are not muslim btw)
and i'd recommend any new couple to get their own place asap as it can be very hard living with inlaws esspecially with all the culture stuff thrown in.
Or my sister in law lived with us in our big abode and they really loved it, when my first sister in law fell pregnant , my parents where so strict on her till this day she is still sadden by it, the strict sanction impose on her which was she didn’t have to do nothing in the house :p. It can work but it’s a give and take, and my dad made it a habit of giving them their own space by regularly taking the family out and leaving them to have their own space
$HugoBoss$
20-02-08, 03:04 AM
rude obnoxious and snobby? id rather be someone else :outta:
Just don't look fake thats all, smile like you mean it.
Or my sister in law lived with us in our big abode and they really loved it, when my first sister in law fell pregnant , my parents where so strict on her till this day she is still sadden by it, the strict sanction impose on her which was she didn’t have to do nothing in the house :p. It can work but it’s a give and take, and my dad made it a habit of giving them their own space by regularly taking the family out and leaving them to have their own space
thats true, u cant expect your inlaws to treat u like royalty if u treat them like crap.
alhamdulillah so far my mil seems to be a great person and she really loves me, id never do anything to take advantage of that i just wanna be good so she likes me forever :o
Rosalie-Beauty
20-02-08, 03:05 AM
rude obnoxious and snobby? id rather be someone else :outta:
you judge yourseldftoo harshly. If you really were those things then you would only be wishing about marrige and in-laws.
And besides they probably already like you, considering that they let you marry their son.
So stop worrying about irrelevant things. :up:
(*_Hamzah
20-02-08, 03:05 AM
First of all nobody rolls on the floor or jumps up and down when someone cracks a joke, laughing loud and hard is sometimes uncontrollable and people know that.
The only time i would control my laughter is when someone might get offended but thats a different situation.
Plus if she doesn't laugh they might think she's a robot or they might get the impression that she's unhappy.
Wow your going to make a really good doctor by not listening to your patience ;), I said it’s about etiquettes and not making a show of yourslef
MustBePatient
20-02-08, 03:06 AM
Imam Jaffar (as) says:
Silence is the mark of those who are certain of the realities which have already come to be, and about which the Pen has already written. It is the key to every rest in this world and the next: it brings Allah's pleasure, a lightening of the reckoning and a protection from errors and mistakes. Allah has made it a veil for the ignorant and an adornment for the man of knowledge.
Through silence, passions can be set aside, and with it come self-discipline, the sweetness of worship, removal of hardheartedness, abstinence, virtuousness and resourcefulness. Therefore lock your tongue to speech which is not absolutely necessary, especially when you do not find anyone worth talking to; except, that is, when you are talking specifically about matters to do with Allah.
Rabi' ibn Khuthaym used to place a parchment before him, upon which he would write down everything he said during the day. In the evening he would call himself to account while he was still alive, seeing what he had said both for and against himself. Then he would say, 'Oh! The silent have indeed been saved!'
One of the Companions of the Messenger of Allah used to put pebbles in his mouth. When he wanted to say something he knew was both to Allah, in Allah and for the sake of Allah, he would remove them from his mouth. Many of the Companions used to breathe like someone drowning, and speak like someone who was ill.
People's destruction or salvation lies in speech and silence. Good fortune belongs to those who are given knowledge of what is incorrect and correct in speech, and the science of silence and its advantages, for it is one of the qualities of the prophets and one of the distinguishing marks of the select. Whoever knows the value of speech is an expert in the company of silence: once a person has been exposed to the subtleties of silence, and has been entrusted with its treasures, then both his speech and silence are worship. No one is privy to this worship of his except the King of all, the All-compelling.
$HugoBoss$
20-02-08, 03:06 AM
you judge yourseldftoo harshly. If you really were those things then you would only be wishing about marrige and in-laws.
And besides they probably already like you, considering that they let you marry their son.
So stop worrying about irrelevant things. :up:
Or maybe they wanted payback from there son so they picked gucci :rotfl:
(*_Hamzah
20-02-08, 03:06 AM
thats true, u cant expect your inlaws to treat u like royalty if u treat them like crap.
alhamdulillah so far my mil seems to be a great person and she really loves me, id never do anything to take advantage of that i just wanna be good so she likes me forever :o
It didn't take long until my mother and father considered my babhi as their own daughter :inlove:
Rosalie-Beauty
20-02-08, 03:07 AM
Or maybe they wanted payback from there son so they picked gucci :rotfl:
oh and are'nt you encouraging? :torture:
ummbilal
20-02-08, 03:09 AM
sister Gucci you are polite and respectful(inshallah) and your inlwas love you already so you'll be fine inshaallah just try to be as helpful as you can and show your inlaws love.
then you'll be fine sister inshallah and enjoy your new extention to your family.
Or maybe they wanted payback from there son so they picked gucci :rotfl:
LOL :p haha .. maybe :p
sis ummbilal:
i hate housework. i try to avoid it as much as possible. i was forced and locked into the kitchen to learn how to make tea and rice :crying:
"daddddyyy saaave me" i screamed from the window.... my father looked at me with sad eyes as my mother dragged me to the stove, i could see his heart shatter into a million peices - for his little girl was growing up and had to learn how to cook :torture:
:crying:
(*_Hamzah
20-02-08, 03:13 AM
sister Gucci you are polite and respectful(inshallah) and your inlwas love you already so you'll be fine inshaallah just try to be as helpful as you can and show your inlaws love.
then you'll be fine sister inshallah and enjoy your new extention to your family.
Exactly, Gucci forget your list you know what is wrong (disrespectful) and what is right, enjoy the right and forbid the bad that includes ignoring Hugo Boss
Just relax, the poet said it beautifully here:
To speak to :allah: no breath is lost
To walk with :allah: no strength is lost,
To wait for :allah: no time is lost
But your trust in Allah and you wont be stressed
(*_Hamzah
20-02-08, 03:15 AM
LOL :p haha .. maybe :p
sis ummbilal:
i hate housework. i try to avoid it as much as possible. i was forced and locked into the kitchen to learn how to make tea and rice :crying:
:crying:
Tea takes no more then 5 minutes to brew , rice and curry can be done in an hour, so your not confine to the kitchen all day, you will grow up faster then you think. If you want to
ummbilal
20-02-08, 03:16 AM
sister Gucci tea n rice huh???
maybe it is better to live with your inlaws for a while huh as man cannot live on rice alone.....! or can your future hubby cook?
Rosalie-Beauty
20-02-08, 03:17 AM
LOL :p haha .. maybe :p
sis ummbilal:
i hate housework. i try to avoid it as much as possible. i was forced and locked into the kitchen to learn how to make tea and rice :crying:
"daddddyyy saaave me" i screamed from the window.... my father looked at me with sad eyes as my mother dragged me to the stove, i could see his heart shatter into a million peices - for his little girl was growing up and had to learn how to cook :torture:
:crying:
somehow, this tragic account sounds familiar...:scratch:
(*_Hamzah
20-02-08, 03:21 AM
sister Gucci tea n rice huh???
maybe it is better to live with your inlaws for a while huh as man cannot live on rice alone.....! or can your future hubby cook?
I’ll have you know tea and rice is the Bengali staple diet :up:
okay... i guess the thing thats scary is the whole save my parents from shame aspect. its like u better be good or else ur parents are gonna hear it :rubeyes:
like my parents tried their best with me but im a hopeless case :p
Rosalie-Beauty
20-02-08, 03:25 AM
okay... i guess the thing thats scary is the whole save my parents from shame aspect. its like u better be good or else ur parents are gonna hear it :rubeyes:
like my parents tried their best with me but im a hopeless case :p
C'mon, if you have to, use some of that GuCci charm.
ImaanSeeker
20-02-08, 03:27 AM
LOL :p haha .. maybe :p
sis ummbilal:
i hate housework. i try to avoid it as much as possible. i was forced and locked into the kitchen to learn how to make tea and rice :crying:
"daddddyyy saaave me" i screamed from the window.... my father looked at me with sad eyes as my mother dragged me to the stove, i could see his heart shatter into a million peices - for his little girl was growing up and had to learn how to cook :torture:
:crying:
lol, tea and rice, thats it??? Even I can do that.
yeah my fiance can cook everything literally... everything.
brother imanseeker:
mashallah, you've just lit your green light you're ready to get married now :p :up:
rosalie:
ur only 15.... wen i was ur age i was stil playing in the mud :inlove:
no i wasnt :p
im off to bed its late
Rosalie-Beauty
20-02-08, 03:40 AM
yeah my fiance can cook everything literally... everything.
brother imanseeker:
mashallah, you've just lit your green light you're ready to get married now :p :up:
rosalie:
ur only 15.... wen i was ur age i was stil playing in the mud :inlove:
no i wasnt :p
im off to bed its late
hmm....I dont recall mud being a part of my day today. :scratch:
(*_Hamzah
20-02-08, 03:49 AM
hmm....I dont recall mud being a part of my day today. :scratch:
Gucci grew up on a farm that;s why :o
$HugoBoss$
20-02-08, 04:21 AM
Exactly, Gucci forget your list you know what is wrong (disrespectful) and what is right, enjoy the right and forbid the bad that includes ignoring myself
Just relax, the poet said it beautifully here:
To speak to :allah: no breath is lost
To walk with :allah: no strength is lost,
To wait for :allah: no time is lost
But your trust in Allah and you wont be stressed
Couldn't agree anymore.
ImaanSeeker
20-02-08, 04:37 AM
brother imanseeker:
mashallah, you've just lit your green light you're ready to get married now :p :up:
lol, you learn basic life skills, when you go far away to attend uni, without your mum.
Fitnah Bolice
20-02-08, 08:17 AM
lol, you learn basic life skills, when you go far away to attend uni, without your mum.
Also when you go on jaamat :up:
Muhammad2
20-02-08, 08:45 AM
What exactly are you supposed to call your husband if you can't use his first name? :confused:
Fitnah Bolice
20-02-08, 09:13 AM
What exactly are you supposed to call your husband if you can't use his first name? :confused:
Aji suntay ho?
ummbilal
20-02-08, 09:34 AM
lol, you learn basic life skills, when you go far away to attend uni, without your mum.
not everyone, my brothers flat mate used to go home once every couple of weeks and return with lots of tupperware pots of curry to last him until the next visit!!!
Allhumdulilah his mum and dad didnt trust his ability to feed himself!!
I also experienced "the beauty" of culture differences...there also were dos and donts in my husband's house I couldn't get used to..I was supposed not to eat at presence of my husband's father and brothers(at last I managed to follow this rule but concerning only the father). I was supposed to sit at home the whole day...keeping house...All these are true BUT they've forgotten that I'm a foreigner and in my country I got used to other type of behaviour..I mean not chatting with males or something like this...But when I need to go shopping or e.g.to library I never asked for permission..When my husband says Don't do it I wonder WHY I shouldn't do it.I can't comply with the order if I don't understand its reason at all. And I don't like when after my question "why shouldn't I do it" he says "It's my will!" or "I I said you shouldn't ask the reason". As for other cultural points - I'm not used to kissing elders' hands(I mean women) - you know, they kiss(or make a show of kissing) a hand and then touch it with the forehead. Some things are too complicated to me..
I also experienced "the beauty" of culture differences...there also were dos and donts in my husband's house I couldn't get used to..I was supposed not to eat at presence of my husband's father and brothers(at last I managed to follow this rule but concerning only the father). I was supposed to sit at home the whole day...keeping house...All these are true BUT they've forgotten that I'm a foreigner and in my country I got used to other type of behaviour..I mean not chatting with males or something like this...But when I need to go shopping or e.g.to library I never asked for permission..When my husband says Don't do it I wonder WHY I shouldn't do it.I can't comply with the order if I don't understand its reason at all. And I don't like when after my question "why shouldn't I do it" he says "It's my will!" or "I I said you shouldn't ask the reason". As for other cultural points - I'm not used to kissing elders' hands(I mean women) - you know, they kiss(or make a show of kissing) a hand and then touch it with the forehead. Some things are too complicated to me..
Sis….you’re Turkish, right? If not...your Turkish is very good. I noticed from the other thread :p Do you mind if I ask which culture/race you married into? Just curious.
ebolebo
20-02-08, 10:19 AM
\"dont sound like a man wen you speak\" hehehe :pWhat would this mean ? do not adopt a bass voice ? do finish off any phrase by a girlish giggle ? do not speak about football, motor cars, cricket, politics ?
Or, quite simply, do not try to sound too intelligent ?
e
parwaaz
20-02-08, 10:25 AM
i think it puts undue pressure on a girl, who is leaving her parents home and moving to a somewaht unknown territory, by saying dont bring shame on us.i think parents can better train them by telling do's and don'ts without using the wild card " dont bring shame on us by doing.....................
Also, it is strictly forbidden in our family too to call your husband by his name.Is it just cultural or does Islam forbid it, If so i am really intrested in seeing some Hadiths. BEcause people in our family make a big fuss if a husband is called by his name.
so women have to resort to ......eahhhhhhhhhhhhhh, ahhhhhhhhhhhhm................ can you come down for your lunch please????
Sis….you’re Turkish, right? If not...your Turkish is very good. I noticed from the other thread :p Do you mind if I ask which culture/race you married into? Just curious.
That's not a secret. I am Russian married to a Turk
Umm 'Umarah
20-02-08, 10:35 AM
What exactly are you supposed to call your husband if you can't use his first name? :confused:
I think it's disrespectful to call your husband by his first name, but that's just me, i'm a little old fashioned. You don't have to call someone by their name to get their attention, if you're looking at them and talking to them, it's enough to know it is them that you're addressing.
Those that think moving out is the solution, if you move out, you still have to cook for yourself if not for anyone, you still have to clean and do housework if not for anyone. later, when you have children you're going to have to do all of this for your children too, most of it is basic adhaab anyway.
Better to learn now, and not give it too much thought, you're going from being single to being married responsibilities change in life, for you and for your husband.
insomniac
20-02-08, 10:38 AM
^^ I guess that's the customs you're used to :)
I feel it's a bit holding up on a pedestal thing....reminds me of bollywood and the response below...
Aji suntay ho?
:rotfl:
Another common one:
Bilal's papa :vomit:
Culture.
that's right. that thing thats making my life so complicated :rubeyes:
Now im being grilled about wat i can and cant do when i arrive at my "husband's home" :rolleyes: ... which is actually his parents home :smack:
The dos and donts of a new bangla bride: (my parents says)
The Don'ts :nono:
"
"dont ask your motherinlaw for your gold jewellry shes keeping in safety"
"dont call your motherinlaw 'aunty'" :smack:
"dont call your husband with his first name, especially in front of his family" :eek:
"dont be stuck up"
thats a lot of donts :( so...
The Do's :up:
"do ask elders wat can be done around the house to help" :coolsis:
"do offer to do the dishes"
"do offer to help in the kitchen"
"do offer to do anything cooking related" :zzz:
"do be freindly,respectful,polite,etc. with the inlaws"
"do act in a way so we`re not given a bad name" :eek3:
funnily enough there are more donts than dos :rolleyes:
feel free to add more to my wonderful list which i will be tested from... :help:
Contratulations on your wedding Gucci.
From whatever cultural background you hail from it is only good sense to keep your mother-in-law on side.;)
I have learned these things
Your hubby was his mothers baby before he was yours:)
Defer her to her - what ever you might think of her - she's definitely got more experience than you
Try not to take sides (at least in public;)) if your mother in law and your hubby have a disagreement
Umm 'Umarah
20-02-08, 10:54 AM
I don't really see anything humourous or overly shocking or cultural about adopting certain manners. In daily life, we all do this anyway, when you go to school, college, university, work, job interviews, when you're hosting guests, when you go to someone else's house, when you stand up for salaah, you have to be a certain way. the list goes on. Controlling your thoughts and actions are all part of being Muslim. If we didn't do this we'd be the same as animals.
The Deen
20-02-08, 10:57 AM
Also, it is strictly forbidden in our family too to call your husband by his name.Is it just cultural or does Islam forbid it, If so i am really intrested in seeing some Hadiths. BEcause people in our family make a big fuss if a husband is called by his name.
Assalamu Alaykum,
I thought it was lacking Islamic adab to do that because of seeing family around me, but I recently read a fatwa by Mufti Ebrahim Desai sahib who said the following:
In the name of Allah, Most Gracious, Most Merciful
Assalaamu `alaykum waRahmatullahi Wabarakatoh
It is compulsory upon the wife to respect her husband. If calling her husband by his name is regarded as disrespectful by him or in that family or community, then it will be prohibited for her to call her husband by his name.
And Allah knows best
Wassalam
Mufti Ebrahim Desai
Darul Iftaa, Madrassah In'aamiyyah
What would this mean ? do not adopt a bass voice ? do finish off any phrase by a girlish giggle ? do not speak about football, motor cars, cricket, politics ?
Or, quite simply, do not try to sound too intelligent ?
e
just wat it says literally?
-----------------------
my parents dont refer to each other with their first names either and my uncles and stuff find it very rude to even refer to spouse with their name, so if im talking to my uncle or something ABOUT him wat do i say, "my husband"? "apnader jamaiy"? "amar jaan"? :rubeyes:
one time me his sister and him were talking and i said something using his first name and he was like :eek: and later explained to me that i shouldnt do that :o
That's not a secret. I am Russian married to a Turk
Wow Mashallah. I'm suprised though. Generally Turkish men don't 'forbid' their wives leaving the home without their permission. Say if she wants to pop down to her mums or go shopping at a decent time.......she doesn't have to specifically phone him up and say 'Can I go?'.
If he's in the house...ask for his permission....or even better...he could go with you.
As for other cultural points - I'm not used to kissing elders' hands(I mean women) - you know, they kiss(or make a show of kissing) a hand and then touch it with the forehead. Some things are too complicated to me..
Again this is in our culture :p It just needs some getting used to. lol. If you don't feel comfortable with it...speak to your husband. He can't force you to kiss an elderly womans hand.
Wow Mashallah. I'm suprised though. Generally Turkish men don't 'forbid' their wives leaving the home without their permission. Say if she wants to pop down to her mums or go shopping at a decent time.......she doesn't have to specifically phone him up and say 'Can I go?'.
If he's in the house...ask for his permission....or even better...he could go with you.
Again this is in our culture :p It just needs some getting used to. lol. If you don't feel comfortable with it...speak to your husband. He can't force you to kiss an elderly womans hand.
And what's your culture? U see I said that my husband is Turk, since he lives in turkey speaks Turkish etc.But he is of Kurdish origin...So his family in comparison with other ones is a bit "old-fashioned"...As for asking for permission - he wants me to ask him even about everything. May be he feels confident knowing that he can let his wife go and can prohibit..Some refund for complex of inferiority..i don't know.
As for kissing hands...Some women thank and take away their hand, but some of them really get hurt if you don't do it. They consider it as a lack of respect. There was an another case. They tried to make me kiss the elbow of some male relatives...Explainig that you can't kiss their hands because it'll spoil their wudu(taharat) - Kurds are Shafii so even accidental touch of woman spoils the wudu. So if you can't kiss their hand, you'll kiss their elbow.
I absolutely denied doing it. There is no such thing in shariat. You see, sometimes culture doesn't conform to religion..
And what's your culture? U see I said that my husband is Turk, since he lives in turkey speaks Turkish etc.But he is of Kurdish origin...So his family in comparison with other ones is a bit "old-fashioned"...As for asking for permission - he wants me to ask him even about everything. May be he feels confident knowing that he can let his wife go and can prohibit..Some refund for complex of inferiority..i don't know.
As for kissing hands...Some women thank and take away their hand, but some of them really get hurt if you don't do it. They consider it as a lack of respect. There was an another case. They tried to make me kiss the elbow of some male relatives...Explainig that you can't kiss their hands because it'll spoil their wudu(taharat) - Kurds are Shafii so even accidental touch of woman spoils the wudu. So if you can't kiss their hand, you'll kiss their elbow.
I absolutely denied doing it. There is no such thing in shariat. You see, sometimes culture doesn't conform to religion..
Oh I understand. Kurdish people cannot (in my opinion) be classified as Turks. First and foremost, they have a language of their own!
It's silly to ask permission for everything.....you have to be given some independence. Otherwise you'd depend on him for every little thing. Islam say's that women should ask for their husband's permission when leaving the house.....but Islam doesn't expect women to be reliant on men ALL the time. If you want to go shopping during the day.....why would he prevent you? It's normal to want some fresh air.
As for kissing the elbow of men....or even women? :eek3: That's just weird! It's not in the Turkish culture.....and even if it was...any sane person would object to it! You have every right to refuse.
The sad fact is...some Muslim's tend to mix Islam with culture. They make what's haraam halaal and what's halaal haraam. It's a shame that this common misunderstanding exists in all Muslim countries....not just Turkey.
Your husband needs to be more understanding. He needs to realise that BEFORE making demands....he must give a valid reason and provide evidence from the quran/shariah law.
ebolebo
20-02-08, 02:39 PM
It is compulsory upon the wife to respect her husband. If calling her husband by his name is regarded as disrespectful by him or in that family or community, then it will be prohibited for her to call her husband by his name. Interesting.
Can the husband call his wife by her name ?
RashidD
20-02-08, 02:40 PM
And what's your culture? U see I said that my husband is Turk, since he lives in turkey speaks Turkish etc.But he is of Kurdish origin...So his family in comparison with other ones is a bit "old-fashioned"...As for asking for permission - he wants me to ask him even about everything. May be he feels confident knowing that he can let his wife go and can prohibit..Some refund for complex of inferiority..i don't know.
As for kissing hands...Some women thank and take away their hand, but some of them really get hurt if you don't do it. They consider it as a lack of respect. There was an another case. They tried to make me kiss the elbow of some male relatives...Explainig that you can't kiss their hands because it'll spoil their wudu(taharat) - Kurds are Shafii so even accidental touch of woman spoils the wudu. So if you can't kiss their hand, you'll kiss their elbow.
I absolutely denied doing it. There is no such thing in shariat. You see, sometimes culture doesn't conform to religion..
I am Sri Lankan, and also follow the Shafii madhab. Just to note, in our madhab then touching of non-mahrem women whereever, if skin to skin, breaks the wudhu.
Also, touching non-mahrams etc is forbidden according to the mu'tamad opinions of all the madhabs.
parwaaz
20-02-08, 02:50 PM
Assalamu Alaykum,
I thought it was lacking Islamic adab to do that because of seeing family around me, but I recently read a fatwa by Mufti Ebrahim Desai sahib who said the following:
In the name of Allah, Most Gracious, Most Merciful
Assalaamu `alaykum waRahmatullahi Wabarakatoh
It is compulsory upon the wife to respect her husband. If calling her husband by his name is regarded as disrespectful by him or in that family or community, then it will be prohibited for her to call her husband by his name.
And Allah knows best
Wassalam
Mufti Ebrahim Desai
Darul Iftaa, Madrassah In'aamiyyah
but i feel that is Mufti's own opinion, why has he not backed it with evidence.I am not saying we should go shoutuing husbands names at the top our voice.But I do feel it is a culture thing, therefore elders should say that is is cultural and not mislead the youngsters by trying to make it islamic.they make women feel like they have committed a major sin by calling husbands name.
And if the husband allows it, no other family member should have objections:D
Wassalam
Oh I understand. Kurdish people cannot (in my opinion) be classified as Turks. First and foremost, they have a language of their own!
It's silly to ask permission for everything.....you have to be given some independence. Otherwise you'd depend on him for every little thing. Islam say's that women should ask for their husband's permission when leaving the house.....but Islam doesn't expect women to be reliant on men ALL the time. If you want to go shopping during the day.....why would he prevent you? It's normal to want some fresh air.
As for kissing the elbow of men....or even women? :eek3: That's just weird! It's not in the Turkish culture.....and even if it was...any sane person would object to it! You have every right to refuse.
The sad fact is...some Muslim's tend to mix Islam with culture. They make what's haraam halaal and what's halaal haraam. It's a shame that this common misunderstanding exists in all Muslim countries....not just Turkey.
Your husband needs to be more understanding. He needs to realise that BEFORE making demands....he must give a valid reason and provide evidence from the quran/shariah law.
The problem is that my husband doesn't have enough knowledge. He doesn't know reading Quran - inshallah this year he'll start. I went through a long way towards islam, I worked a lot to improve my knowledge so I am more likely to prove anything than him - because he has superficial knowledge...May be his wish to define some limits comes from this unawareness
The Deen
20-02-08, 03:34 PM
Interesting.
Can the husband call his wife by her name ?
Ask a Mufti http://groups.yahoo.com/group/askimam/
or
http://www.askimam.org/
The Deen
20-02-08, 03:34 PM
but i feel that is Mufti's own opinion, why has he not backed it with evidence.I am not saying we should go shoutuing husbands names at the top our voice.But I do feel it is a culture thing, therefore elders should say that is is cultural and not mislead the youngsters by trying to make it islamic.they make women feel like they have committed a major sin by calling husbands name.
And if the husband allows it, no other family member should have objections:D
Wassalam
Ask Mufti sahib for the evidence, but the answer is clear but if you need evidence ask at http://groups.yahoo.com/group/askimam/
or
http://www.askimam.org/
feel free to add more to my wonderful list which i will be tested from... :help:
I can't think of any off the top of my head but watch a Hindu wedding as depicted in a 1950s bollywood movie as it seems as though that's where most of that list of dos and don'ts came from:smack:
I think most of Umm Umarah's advice was fair as it's more along Islamic etiquette lines than the cultural cr@p BUT I think that some of it is contradictory:
don't think of your in-laws as outsiders, they are going to be your family, so treat them like real family, life will be much easier that way.
always be nice to everyone and smile, even if you're annoyed. You should learn to adapt in any kind of situation, so be prepared for it. Sometimes, if you change your attitude in certain situations, you can deal with them better, remember you can't change people you can only change yourself.
To me that advice looks contradictory because if you treat them like your own family, you'd feel secure enough to behave like your natural self but if you're expected to go overboard in making an effort to be nice even when you're unhappy then that's not being natural.
I have a loud laugh too but I think part of the reason you're expected to speak more quietly or avoid laughing or eye contact etc is because some regions of where we call 'back home' are really backward and women who don't know you will think you're promiscuous or strange men will think you're flirtatious because you're not putting on a shy demure act. There's nothing in Islam which prevents you from calling your husband by his first name. Just play it by ear and do what you can manage but don't force yourself to put on an act.
RashidD
20-02-08, 04:25 PM
I can't think of any off the top of my head but watch a Hindu wedding as depicted in a 1950s bollywood movie as it seems as though that's where most of that list of dos and don'ts came from:smack:
I think most of Umm Umarah's advice was fair as it's more along Islamic etiquette lines than the cultural cr@p BUT I think that some of it is contradictory:
To me that advice looks contradictory because if you treat them like your own family, you'd feel secure enough to behave like your natural self but if you're expected to go overboard in making an effort to be nice even when you're unhappy then that's not being natural.
I have a loud laugh too but I think part of the reason you're expected to speak more quietly or avoid laughing or eye contact etc is because some regions of where we call 'back home' are really backward and women who don't know you will think you're promiscuous or strange men will think you're flirtatious because you're not putting on a shy demure act. There's nothing in Islam which prevents you from calling your husband by his first name. Just play it by ear and do what you can manage but don't force yourself to put on an act.
They are family, but not as close as your own family yet. I suppose that closeness develops InshaALLAH... But during the first few days i guess there's that shyness right? I'm pretty sure people knew what Umm 'Umarah meant...
LiveIslam
20-02-08, 04:29 PM
I’m a Bengali myself, but with me I hardly know what you have to do when you get married. Anyways i was chatting to my cousin one day about marriage. She was telling me what you have to do when the marriage is going ahead. She said when you are getting married the bride side has to provide for Allthe furniture for the husband's house, so this could be anything from a bed to plates and spoon.
When I heard this I was so angry as it goes against Islam. I mean isnt the husband meant to provide for the wife not the other way round. whats the point of the man paying dowry to the lady when the lady has to do all this might as well him keep it as the money is going to go towards the furniture, to me it sounds like the bride is paying the groom dowry. and this is basically putting the brides family in bankrupt.
Bengali culture can just be so sad and upsetting. To me more the more i hear this kind of rubbish the more i hate marriage.
:mad::mad::mad:
i think the shyness will come automatically wen im put on the spot :p
She said when you are getting married the bride side has to provide for Allthe furniture for the husband's house, so this could be anything from a bed to plates and spoon.
yeah a lot of families do that even my parents were wondering if they should do that too? but we're not.
we're only buying saris for the women on their side of the family and men's long shirt thing watever u call it for the men :scratch: but thats just the exchange of gifts custom i think? cuz as far as i know their family getting that sort of thing for my family as well :rubeyes:
LiveIslam
20-02-08, 04:38 PM
yeah a lot of families do that even my parents were wondering if they should do that too? but we're not.
we're only buying saris for the women on their side of the family and men's long shirt thing watever u call it for the men :scratch: but thats just the exchange of gifts custom i think? cuz as far as i know their family getting that sort of thing for my family as well :rubeyes:
i dont think it is an exchange gift coz my cuzin i was speaking to she had to do that for her sister wedding but they didnt buy any furniture for the brides side only cothes but then they brought clothes for them to
i dont think it is an exchange gift coz my cuzin i was speaking to she had to do that for her sister wedding but they didnt buy any furniture for the brides side only cothes but then they brought clothes for them to
lol so isnt that the exchange. because the gift u give, u end up receiving a gift of equal or higher value.
if one said gives furniture the other side cant give anyless that carries less value than the furtniture because then the whole "shame on that side" things comes back :rolleyes:
LiveIslam
20-02-08, 04:43 PM
lol so isnt that the exchange. because the gift u give, u end up receiving a gift of equal or higher value.
if one said gives furniture the other side cant give anyless that carries less value than the furtniture because then the whole "shame on that side" things comes back :rolleyes:
yer i get it with the clothes, both family gave each other clothes but when it came to the furnitures only the bride gave it and not the groom. so i dnt see the exchange there
yer i get it with the clothes, both family gave each other clothes but when it came to the furnitures only the bride gave it and not the groom. so i dnt see the exchange there
the furniture is done as a underlying "take good care of my daughter type bribe" but its custom.... back in the days in some families if the brides side didnt give wat the husband demanded (car, motorcycle, etc.) the girl's life would become hell on earth
ImaanSeeker
20-02-08, 04:48 PM
Bengali culture is probably the most inherently non-Islamic(and most hindu influenced) of any predominantly Muslim culture in the world.
Which is sad.
LiveIslam
20-02-08, 04:50 PM
Bengali culture is probably the most inherently non-Islamic(and most hindu influenced) of any predominantly Muslim culture in the world.
Which is sad.
tell me about it :(
Bengali culture is probably the most inherently non-Islamic(and most hindu influenced) of any predominantly Muslim culture in the world.
Which is sad.
oh please every culture is influenced by something nonislamic in one way or another :rolleyes: but yea its sad
LiveIslam
20-02-08, 04:54 PM
the furniture is done as a underlying "take good care of my daughter type bribe" but its custom.... back in the days in some families if the brides side didnt give wat the husband demanded (car, motorcycle, etc.) the girl's life would become hell on earth
when my cuzin was telling me this i was getting really upset. she sed when her sister got married they had to give everything but someone on the goom side said all the stuff wouldnt fit so they left it. but even if it is 'take care of my daughter....' it shouldnt be like that.
ImaanSeeker
20-02-08, 04:56 PM
oh please every culture is influenced by something nonislamic in one way or another :rolleyes: but yea its sad
I definitely agree that all cultures are not purely Islamic. But when looking at other cultures, at least they have some good Islamic aspects as well.
I don't think I can say the same with Bengali culture.
LiveIslam
20-02-08, 05:00 PM
I definitely agree that all cultures are not purely Islamic. But when looking at other cultures, at least they have some good Islamic aspects as well.
I don't think I can say the same with Bengali culture.
yer i would agree with IS i mean we have been looking for a groom for my sis for 3 years now but we havent found any. this is becuase of my parents they are being to picky and doing things in the bengali culture. even my uncles are starting to get angry with my parents becuase of this
when my cuzin was telling me this i was getting really upset. she sed when her sister got married they had to give everything but someone on the goom side said all the stuff wouldnt fit so they left it. but even if it is 'take care of my daughter....' it shouldnt be like that.
i know it shouldnt, but thats how it is. it all falls on wat type of family ur marrying into. my inlaws arent anything like that alhamdulillah, my dad told them straight up nothing unislamic can take place during this whole marriage thing and they agreed and if they didnt my dad woulda gave'm the boot :up:
I definitely agree that all cultures are not purely Islamic. But when looking at other cultures, at least they have some good Islamic aspects as well.
I don't think I can say the same with Bengali culture.
we do too... dont tell me u need a list :p
insomniac
20-02-08, 05:03 PM
Bengali culture is probably the most inherently non-Islamic(and most hindu influenced) of any predominantly Muslim culture in the world.
Which is sad.
You can hold Pakistani culture right up there with it.
Definitely is sad.
ImaanSeeker
20-02-08, 05:12 PM
You can hold Pakistani culture right up there with it.
Definitely is sad.
It's up to our generation(assuming your not an old auntie) to make a change, InshaAllah.
RoadWarrior
20-02-08, 05:21 PM
It's up to our generation(assuming your not an old auntie) to make a change, InshaAllah.
well I actually think we are. My mum says that when they came into UK hardly anyone wore hijaab, as in the headscarf alone. Now we see women in niqaab! more than ever! which is why we have all these issues about niqaab in media because now there are so many sisters like this, it's burning in the eyes of the west.
In addition, before in asian cultures and even now, hijaab just mean covering the head. But now many young girls wear Jilbaab in addition. Also, colleges and schools have things like prayer rooms, and if there isnt one students ask for one. this includes work places. whereas before no-one did or said anything.
Even though we think that the youth are going down, we shouldnt forget those that are doing well mashallah...I think theres a upwards trend...as well as there is a negative one
ImaanSeeker
20-02-08, 05:39 PM
well I actually think we are. My mum says that when they came into UK hardly anyone wore hijaab, as in the headscarf alone. Now we see women in niqaab! more than ever! which is why we have all these issues about niqaab in media because now there are so many sisters like this, it's burning in the eyes of the west.
In addition, before in asian cultures and even now, hijaab just mean covering the head. But now many young girls wear Jilbaab in addition. Also, colleges and schools have things like prayer rooms, and if there isnt one students ask for one. this includes work places. whereas before no-one did or said anything.
Even though we think that the youth are going down, we shouldnt forget those that are doing well mashallah...I think theres a upwards trend...as well as there is a negative one
Excellent point bro. Things are definitely looking positive for the future. MashaAllah, especially in the UK and Europe(and slowly slowly in the US) where Muslim culture has started to pervade into the crevices of mainstream society. The credit for the most part is those youth who let loose of their cultural shackles and embraced Islam in its entirety.
My Shaykh said beautifully the other day:
"We didn't come to integrate and assimilate, we came to dominate."
Dominate with the mubarak teachings of Quran and the Sunnah of our Beloved Prophet :saw: .
THE PATH 2
20-02-08, 05:43 PM
[COLOR="Magenta"
some of it is kinda strange though... why do i have to keep my gaze low in front of my mil and her sisters and their mother :scratch:
[/COLOR]
thats just wrong
i advise living alone with husband
as per shariah law ..allowed and advised
as a 40 year old ive seen sons suicidal and daughter in laws shattered by culture
Islamiyyah
20-02-08, 06:17 PM
Gucci you are so joking, right? Omg omg I would go insane!! There are not supposed to BE any rules after you get married.
And your gonna live with your in-laws? :rubeyes:
insomniac
20-02-08, 07:18 PM
It's up to our generation(assuming your not an old auntie) to make a change, InshaAllah.
:insha:
ebolebo
20-02-08, 07:29 PM
My Shaykh said beautifully the other day:
\"We didn\'t come to integrate and assimilate, we came to dominate.\".I m afraid you won t get very far with that approach.
While people in *Western* countries may have, in many cases, a balanced and open view of Islam (less so however after 9/11 and 7/7), it s attitudes like your Shayk s that foster hostility.
Expect more problems and incomprehension in the future.
Most people don t take a positive view of this kind of mindless arrogance.
insomniac
20-02-08, 07:32 PM
Gucci you are so joking, right? Omg omg I would go insane!! There are not supposed to BE any rules after you get married.
And your gonna live with your in-laws? :rubeyes:
c'mon sis there are some rules and some compromises after marriage :)...obviously some of the do's and don'ts on the list are unrealistic but some are more than feasible...
Gucci you are so joking, right? Omg omg I would go insane!! There are not supposed to BE any rules after you get married.
And your gonna live with your in-laws? :rubeyes:
only for most of the summer then im coming back
imported_londoner
20-02-08, 08:17 PM
I m afraid you won t get very far with that approach.
While people in *Western* countries may have, in many cases, a balanced and open view of Islam (less so however after 9/11 and 7/7), it s attitudes like your Shayk s that foster hostility.
Expect more problems and incomprehension in the future.
Most people don t take a positive view of this kind of mindless arrogance.
The same arrogance demonstrated by the colonial powers when they raped and looted their way through asia, africa an dthe middile east???
ImaanSeeker
20-02-08, 08:39 PM
I m afraid you won t get very far with that approach.
While people in *Western* countries may have, in many cases, a balanced and open view of Islam (less so however after 9/11 and 7/7), it s attitudes like your Shayk s that foster hostility.
Expect more problems and incomprehension in the future.
Most people don t take a positive view of this kind of mindless arrogance.
lol. Take it easy dude. I am not preaching any sort of violent upheaval.
My Shaykh is referring to the rampant vice and immorality that exists in the west(and for that matter, the world). In Islam, we don't assimilate and integrate with such behavior and culture.
Instead, we turn to the foundations of our religion, which is based on brotherhood, caring for you neighbors, treating everyone fairly, modesty, honesty, and moral uprightness.
These are the cornerstones to Islam, and with these values that have been given to us in the Quran and Sunnah of our Beloved Prophet :saw: we expect to make a difference in a society that is immersed in immorality, immodesty, and greed.
That is what my Shaykh is referring to, and that is what Islam is all about.
ebolebo
20-02-08, 08:56 PM
lol. Take it easy dude. I am not preaching any sort of violent upheaval.
My Shaykh is referring to the rampant vice and immorality that exists in the west(and for that matter, the world). In Islam, we don\\\'t assimilate and integrate with such behavior and culture.
Instead, we turn to the foundations of our religion, which is based on brotherhood, caring for you neighbors, treating everyone fairly, modesty, honesty, and moral uprightness.
These are the cornerstones to Islam, and with these values that have been given to us in the Quran and Sunnah of our Beloved Prophet :saw: we expect to make a difference in a society that is immersed in immorality, immodesty, and greed.
That is what my Shaykh is referring to, and that is what Islam is all about.You are putting a *positive gloss* on what is, to all effects, a *hate speech*
However, your interpretation is hardly much more positive.
*Western* society (whatever this may mean) is not immersed in immorality, immodesty and greed.
Or, better said, not any more than other societies, including Islamic societies.
Of course, being democracies where individual freedoms are very much viewed positively, many aspects which are well hidden in other countries will be much more apparent.
However, whether you take drugs, pornography, prostitution, rape, murder, don t worry ... they are just as much present in *Islamic* countries.
They just often take other forms, or are much better hidden. Just swept under the rug.
Or, alternatively, certain behaviours which you consider as crimes (e.g. homosexuality) we don t consider as crimes at all. But they re just as present in *Islamic* countries as over here.
And, on those aspects, possibilities of influencing our societies are next to nil.
Best regards.
PS Sorry for derailing your thread, Gucci... all the best for your marriage...
e
PS Sorry for derailing your thread, Gucci... all the best for your marriage...
thats okay, i do it like every thread anyway :p
ImaanSeeker
20-02-08, 09:32 PM
You are putting a *positive gloss* on what is, to all effects, a *hate speech*
However, your interpretation is hardly much more positive.
*Western* society (whatever this may mean) is not immersed in immorality, immodesty and greed.
Or, better said, not any more than other societies, including Islamic societies.
I said the whole world, I never said Islamic countries are free of vice. Read my post again, please. So the premise of your argument, as I understand, is that immorality is everywhere, including Islamic countries. I agree with that.
To pass on Islamic values of love, peace, and brotherhood, is not hate speech. In fact, it is the very breath of fresh air that this polluted world is desperate for.
It's sad you make such interpretations of my statements to fit your prejudiced sentiment toward Islam. I don't know why you feel this way, and I am sorry that you do.
If you actually knew who I was, and what the Islamic community in my area has done for both Muslims and non-muslims alike, your view may have been different.
We don't hate anyone, rather we hate those actions that are detrimental to the society at large.
$HugoBoss$
20-02-08, 09:33 PM
If i was a girl i would live with my in laws, running a house on your own, forget about it.
The same arrogance demonstrated by the colonial powers when they raped and looted their way through asia, africa an dthe middile east???
I take it 'rape' is a euphemism with regard to British Imperialists.
ebolebo
20-02-08, 09:53 PM
I said the whole world, I never said Islamic countries are free of vice. Read my post again, please. So the premise of your argument, as I understand, is that immorality is everywhere, including Islamic countries. I agree with that.
To pass on Islamic values of love, peace, and brotherhood, is not hate speech. In fact, it is the very breath of fresh air that this polluted world is desperate for.
It\'s sad you make such interpretations of my statements to fit your prejudiced sentiment toward Islam. I don\'t know why you feel this way, and I am sorry that you do.
If you actually knew who I was, and what the Islamic community in my area has done for both Muslims and non-muslims alike, your view may have been different.
We don\'t hate anyone, rather we hate those actions that are detrimental to the society at large.IS
I don t know you, I don t know your Sheyk, I don t know your community. So, I may be completely misinterpreting your intentions.
I know that a Sheyk who addresses his followers by :
\"We didn\'t come to integrate and assimilate, we came to dominate\" is damaging relations between non-Muslims and Muslims.
Things then can be explained, mellowed down, etc etc, but the damage is done.
I am also rather exceeded by this description of our societies (or even the whole world) as havens of sin and decadence.
Reality is, society is changing, and behaviours which used not to be accepted are now more and more being accepted (especially in the moral/sexual area).
I view this as extremely positive evolution, in many cases.
Best regards
e
ImaanSeeker
20-02-08, 09:58 PM
IS
I don t know you, I don t know your Sheyk, I don t know your community. So, I may be completely misinterpreting your intentions.
I know that a Sheyk who addresses his followers by :
\"We didn\'t come to integrate and assimilate, we came to dominate\" is damaging relations between non-Muslims and Muslims.
That's because you choose to put a negative spin on it. Something that many nonmuslims are quick to do these days.
Reality is, society is changing, and behaviours which used not to be accepted are now more and more being accepted (especially in the moral/sexual area).
I view this as extremely positive evolution, in many cases.
Best regards
e
This is what you may feel, but I don't feel the same way. There some positive cases with this behavioral change, but in many if not most cases, it is detrimental to society.
We agree to disagree.
If i was a girl i would live with my in laws, running a house on your own, forget about it.
its true in some cases, depends on the willingness to cooperate from both the girl and the inlaws... it would just stink to be covered all day at home because your brother in law is there, you know? i think thats wats gonna iritate me the most :o
LOL :p haha .. maybe :p
sis ummbilal:
i hate housework. i try to avoid it as much as possible. i was forced and locked into the kitchen to learn how to make tea and rice :crying:
"daddddyyy saaave me" i screamed from the window.... my father looked at me with sad eyes as my mother dragged me to the stove, i could see his heart shatter into a million peices - for his little girl was growing up and had to learn how to cook :torture:
:crying:
OMG haven't you heard the old saying the way to man's heart is through his belly you need to brush off your cooking skills. I suggest you listen to your sweet mammy and learn.
Khuram_2k?
21-02-08, 12:37 AM
OMG haven't you heard the old saying the way to man's heart is through his belly you need to brush off your cooking skills. I suggest you listen to your sweet mammy and learn.
lol, correcto !:up:
Ibn Sina
21-02-08, 01:00 AM
I think there's a rule about complaining about the rules ... isn't there? :scratch:
$HugoBoss$
21-02-08, 06:03 AM
I think there's a rule about complaining about the rules ... isn't there? :scratch:
Yeah but than Gucci wouldn't have any room to breathe if that was true :p
thin_black_ice
21-02-08, 06:05 AM
Culture.
that's right. that thing thats making my life so complicated :rubeyes:
Now im being grilled about wat i can and cant do when i arrive at my "husband's home" :rolleyes: ... which is actually his parents home :smack:
The dos and donts of a new bangla bride: (my parents says)
The Don'ts :nono:
"dont speak unless you are asked to speak" :rubeyes: how am i gonna live!
"dont speak in a loud voice" :rolleyes:
"dont sound like a man wen you speak" hehehe :p
"dont approach elders unless they call for you"
"dont eavesdrop"
"dont sit near elders unless they call you to sit"
"dont look at anyone" - keep your gaze down
"dont offer to help with something that u dont know how to do- u'll only embarass US" :0:
"dont ask your motherinlaw for your gold jewellry shes keeping in safety"
"dont call your motherinlaw 'aunty'" :smack:
"dont call your husband with his first name, especially in front of his family" :eek:
"dont be stuck up"
thats a lot of donts :( so...
The Do's :up:
"do ask elders wat can be done around the house to help" :coolsis:
"do offer to do the dishes"
"do offer to help in the kitchen"
"do offer to do anything cooking related" :zzz:
"do be freindly,respectful,polite,etc. with the inlaws"
"do act in a way so we`re not given a bad name" :eek3:
funnily enough there are more donts than dos :rolleyes:
feel free to add more to my wonderful list which i will be tested from... :help:
Asalaam.
Yeah i know where they are comming from..
Abiiiit like Mine :rolleyes::rubeyes:
When are you getting married????:inlove:
$HugoBoss$
21-02-08, 06:06 AM
Asalaam.
Yeah i know where they are comming from..
Abiiiit like Mine :rolleyes::rubeyes:
When are you getting married????:inlove:
Not before me :outta:
thin_black_ice
21-02-08, 10:01 AM
Not before me :outta:
Haha when are yoo getting married then? :hidban: :D
muslimma
21-02-08, 10:20 AM
its true in some cases, depends on the willingness to cooperate from both the girl and the inlaws... it would just stink to be covered all day at home because your brother in law is there, you know? i think thats wats gonna iritate me the most :o
oh man hats gunna be howrrible :(
esp cos you married and youd wanna luk bwoootiful al the time :love: :hidban:
..thats not an assumption is it..:scratch: or is it me that is a bit @)
sunrise
21-02-08, 10:56 AM
Culture.
that's right. that thing thats making my life so complicated :rubeyes:
Now im being grilled about wat i can and cant do when i arrive at my "husband's home" :rolleyes: ... which is actually his parents home :smack:
The dos and donts of a new bangla bride: (my parents says)
The Don'ts :nono:
"dont speak unless you are asked to speak" :rubeyes: how am i gonna live!
"dont speak in a loud voice" :rolleyes:
"dont sound like a man wen you speak" hehehe :p
"dont approach elders unless they call for you"
"dont eavesdrop"
"dont sit near elders unless they call you to sit"
"dont look at anyone" - keep your gaze down
"dont offer to help with something that u dont know how to do- u'll only embarass US" :0:
"dont ask your motherinlaw for your gold jewellry shes keeping in safety"
"dont call your motherinlaw 'aunty'" :smack:
"dont call your husband with his first name, especially in front of his family" :eek:
"dont be stuck up"
thats a lot of donts :( so...
The Do's :up:
"do ask elders wat can be done around the house to help" :coolsis:
"do offer to do the dishes"
"do offer to help in the kitchen"
"do offer to do anything cooking related" :zzz:
"do be freindly,respectful,polite,etc. with the inlaws"
"do act in a way so we`re not given a bad name" :eek3:
funnily enough there are more donts than dos :rolleyes:
feel free to add more to my wonderful list which i will be tested from... :help:
:eek: :rubeyes::rubeyes:
if i had to live with in laws id make sure they felt like it's my own home too... the way it should be.. ur not a robot
i wld hate to feel like i'm 'imposing' on them or i'm not welcome :(
don't speak unless spoken to? isn't meant to be your new home?? and won't they think your rude and impolite
arrghhh culture you can never win:torture:
Khuram_2k?
21-02-08, 11:21 AM
inshallah when i get married i'll be in my own home:up: i'd hate to be living with the rest of the family while married. not that i hate my family or anything like that:D
GAL-actic
21-02-08, 11:24 AM
Culture.
that's right. that thing thats making my life so complicated :rubeyes:
Now im being grilled about wat i can and cant do when i arrive at my "husband's home" :rolleyes: ... which is actually his parents home :smack:
The dos and donts of a new bangla bride: (my parents says)
The Don'ts :nono:
"dont speak unless you are asked to speak" :rubeyes: how am i gonna live!
"dont speak in a loud voice" :rolleyes:
"dont sound like a man wen you speak" hehehe :p
"dont approach elders unless they call for you"
"dont eavesdrop"
"dont sit near elders unless they call you to sit"
"dont look at anyone" - keep your gaze down
"dont offer to help with something that u dont know how to do- u'll only embarass US" :0:
"dont ask your motherinlaw for your gold jewellry shes keeping in safety"
"dont call your motherinlaw 'aunty'" :smack:
"dont call your husband with his first name, especially in front of his family" :eek:
"dont be stuck up"
thats a lot of donts :( so...
The Do's :up:
"do ask elders wat can be done around the house to help" :coolsis:
"do offer to do the dishes"
"do offer to help in the kitchen"
"do offer to do anything cooking related" :zzz:
"do be freindly,respectful,polite,etc. with the inlaws"
"do act in a way so we`re not given a bad name" :eek3:
funnily enough there are more donts than dos :rolleyes:
feel free to add more to my wonderful list which i will be tested from... :help:
:rofl1: Good luck!:up:
Not before me :outta:
2nd week of july buddy.
have fun on that cruise :up:
sis_niqabi
21-02-08, 02:48 PM
Culture.
that's right. that thing thats making my life so complicated :rubeyes:
Now im being grilled about wat i can and cant do when i arrive at my "husband's home" :rolleyes: ... which is actually his parents home :smack:
The dos and donts of a new bangla bride: (my parents says)
The Don'ts :nono:
"dont speak unless you are asked to speak" :rubeyes: how am i gonna live!
"dont speak in a loud voice" :rolleyes:
"dont sound like a man wen you speak" hehehe :p
"dont approach elders unless they call for you"
"dont eavesdrop"
"dont sit near elders unless they call you to sit"
"dont look at anyone" - keep your gaze down
"dont offer to help with something that u dont know how to do- u'll only embarass US" :0:
"dont ask your motherinlaw for your gold jewellry shes keeping in safety"
"dont call your motherinlaw 'aunty'" :smack:
"dont call your husband with his first name, especially in front of his family" :eek:
"dont be stuck up"
thats a lot of donts :( so...
The Do's :up:
"do ask elders wat can be done around the house to help" :coolsis:
"do offer to do the dishes"
"do offer to help in the kitchen"
"do offer to do anything cooking related" :zzz:
"do be freindly,respectful,polite,etc. with the inlaws"
"do act in a way so we`re not given a bad name" :eek3:
funnily enough there are more donts than dos :rolleyes:
feel free to add more to my wonderful list which i will be tested from... :help:
no offense. but these are some strange rules. why can't you call your husband by his name? and what are you suppose to call him?
and why can't you ask your MIL for jewelery that belongs to you?
GAL-actic
21-02-08, 02:56 PM
no offense. but these are some strange rules. why can't you call your husband by his name? and what are you suppose to call him?
Maybe just husband? " Husband are we leaving?" "Husband what time is it?" "Husband can you pass me the blahblah..." lol
That sounds awful
LiveIslam
21-02-08, 03:06 PM
Maybe just husband? " Husband are we leaving?" "Husband what time is it?" "Husband can you pass me the blahblah..." lol
That sounds awful
if you think thats sounds awful then u havent heard what my parents call each other 'hello' what a name.
its in the bengali culture that you cant call ur husband by name as it is disrepectfull, but then why did your parents give you a name? and why did Allah say to give good names to people if you cant call them by their names. :scratch:
Isnt there a thread somewhere about the "calling your hubby by his name" rule? :rotfl: My aunt still calls my uncle by saying "are you listening" in my language! :rotfl: its sssoooo funny!
Umm 'Umarah
21-02-08, 11:14 PM
Isnt there a thread somewhere about the "calling your hubby by his name" rule? :rotfl: My aunt still calls my uncle by saying "are you listening" in my language! :rotfl: its sssoooo funny!
I think that's quite cute.:o
ImaanSeeker
21-02-08, 11:20 PM
Does anyone know what the Ummahatul Mumineen called our Beloved Prophet :saw: ?
Umm 'Umarah
21-02-08, 11:26 PM
Rasulullah. :saw:
ImaanSeeker
21-02-08, 11:33 PM
Rasulullah. :saw:
I was going to make the case that there is nothing wrong with calling your husband with something other than his name, due to this reason, but I don't think its a strong enough reason, lol.
Umm 'Umarah
21-02-08, 11:44 PM
lol, I thought so. It's not sinful or unislamic to call your husband by his name, it's cultural. Someone posted a thread about kunya's somewhere, and Prophet :saw: would call Aaisha Radiyallahu anha nicknames such as Aaish. He was mostly addressed by the people with "Ya Rasulullah". I think all women should call their husband habibi, how cute is that:inlove: or moron when they act like one.
I’m a Bengali myself, but with me I hardly know what you have to do when you get married. Anyways i was chatting to my cousin one day about marriage. She was telling me what you have to do when the marriage is going ahead. She said when you are getting married the bride side has to provide for Allthe furniture for the husband's house, so this could be anything from a bed to plates and spoon.
Bengali culture can just be so sad and upsetting. To me more the more i hear this kind of rubbish the more i hate marriage.
:mad::mad::mad:
You shouldn't hate marriage over stupid cultural baggage but it's fair to hate the culture cos' it's unIslamic. Just don't marry a cultural Bengali then innit;)
Umm 'Umarah
21-02-08, 11:55 PM
lool, I am yet to see a non-cultural bengali. You can't detach culture from a bengali man, especially as most bengali men are mummies boys, who come from very cultural mummies, who almost religiously impose the cultural nonsense on everyone else.
ImaanSeeker
22-02-08, 12:03 AM
lool, I am yet to see a non-cultural bengali. You can't detach culture from a bengali man, especially as most bengali men are mummies boys, who come from very cultural mummies, who almost religiously impose the cultural nonsense on everyone else.
That's what I've noticed with bengalis in the UK, as well. It's what happens when you get a lot of bengalis concentrated in one area.
But it's a bit different over here, I think mainly due to the fact that bengalis are more of a minority(and more spread out) here than in the UK. So either you get completely americanized bengalis or MashaAllah practicing bengalis(although still not as many as there should be). There are few cultural bengalis left here.
RashidD
22-02-08, 12:07 AM
That's what I've noticed with bengalis in the UK, as well. It's what happens when you get a lot of bengalis concentrated in one area.
But it's a bit different over here, I think mainly due to the fact that bengalis are more of a minority(and more spread out) here than in the UK. So either you get completely americanized bengalis or MashaAllah practicing bengalis(although still not as many as there should be). There are few cultural bengalis left here.
That's a tragedy... I'd personally prefer them being cultural than being americanised...
Khuram_2k?
22-02-08, 12:08 AM
culture hurts the younger generation like me but its slowly fading away:up:
in another 30 years it will be gone.
ImaanSeeker
22-02-08, 12:10 AM
That's a tragedy... I'd personally prefer them being cultural than being americanised...
hmm, I'd probably have to agree with you on that.
RashidD
22-02-08, 12:12 AM
hmm, I'd probably have to agree with you on that.
I mean, i was making assumptions but i think we're still on the same page...
Example: If she's not in purdah or hijab then I'd rather a girl wear shalwar kameez instead of more immodest western clothing.
That's just one example.
ImaanSeeker
22-02-08, 12:14 AM
I mean, i was making assumptions but i think we're still on the same page...
Example: If she's not in purdah or hijab then I'd rather a girl wear shalwar kameez instead of more immodest western clothing.
That's just one example.
I was thinking along the same lines..
hahahaha makes u think sister were u better off before marriage or after :D, im sure ur in laws wont be that harsh tho its just ur parents being overly cautious as always :D
mubarak on ur wedding anyway my invite get lost in the post?
wasalam
Stylish-Girly
22-02-08, 09:52 PM
Sounds tuff Mabrook, i say do the dont's and dont do the do's :p im only jokin
The rules are too strict, just be good and nice to everyone, it depends how his family is.. if they're expectin all that :rubeyes: then start takin notes
lool, I am yet to see a non-cultural bengali. You can't detach culture from a bengali man, especially as most bengali men are mummies boys, who come from very cultural mummies, who almost religiously impose the cultural nonsense on everyone else.
yup, he likes his mom and fish :p
afsalim
23-02-08, 09:09 AM
Culture.
that's right. that thing thats making my life so complicated :rubeyes:
Now im being grilled about wat i can and cant do when i arrive at my "husband's home" :rolleyes: ... which is actually his parents home :smack:
The dos and donts of a new bangla bride: (my parents says)
The Don'ts :nono:
"dont speak unless you are asked to speak" :rubeyes: how am i gonna live!
"dont speak in a loud voice" :rolleyes:
"dont sound like a man wen you speak" hehehe :p
"dont approach elders unless they call for you"
"dont eavesdrop"
"dont sit near elders unless they call you to sit"
"dont look at anyone" - keep your gaze down
"dont offer to help with something that u dont know how to do- u'll only embarass US" :0:
"dont ask your motherinlaw for your gold jewellry shes keeping in safety"
"dont call your motherinlaw 'aunty'" :smack:
"dont call your husband with his first name, especially in front of his family" :eek:
"dont be stuck up"
thats a lot of donts :( so...
The Do's :up:
"do ask elders wat can be done around the house to help" :coolsis:
"do offer to do the dishes"
"do offer to help in the kitchen"
"do offer to do anything cooking related" :zzz:
"do be freindly,respectful,polite,etc. with the inlaws"
"do act in a way so we`re not given a bad name" :eek3:
funnily enough there are more donts than dos :rolleyes:
feel free to add more to my wonderful list which i will be tested from... :help:
LOL. We Bengalis can relate to this so well. My parents (especially my dad) is also lecturing me what to do and what not to do in front of my in-laws. One of which is "Under no circumstance you are to laugh or giggle at the wedding" ....otherwise people would call me "Besharam Jamai".
Stylish-Girly
23-02-08, 10:45 AM
yup, he likes his mom and fish :p
Thats why you guys be so brainy, Gucci how do you feel about the rules? Are your inlaws cool and that
My brother's (now ex) in laws are Bengali and they're the most Westernised coconuts I've ever met and yet when it came to their daughters wedding they went completely overboard on the cultural aspects. They decided that after her Mehndi she should not leave her house at all (for the whole week) until the wedding day because that was considered to be unlucky. My mum was quite shocked and wondered how someone with such a westernised upbringing would go along with restrictions like that. They used to come up with other old wives tales too like saying their cooking has to be stirred in one direction and if they change directions whilst stirring then it'll rain on the wedding day (it did rain on their wedding day so maybe they stirred something incorrectly lol) :rofl1:
BARAA IBN MALIK
23-02-08, 09:15 PM
lool, I am yet to see a non-cultural bengali. You can't detach culture from a bengali man, especially as most bengali men are mummies boys, who come from very cultural mummies, who almost religiously impose the cultural nonsense on everyone else.
why stick to one culture
when muslims come from all back groundz?
diin and akhlaq is most important
Medievalist
23-02-08, 09:24 PM
My two pence worth is that dont do anything you dont know how to do, and whatever you do do, make sure you do it properly. If you get that wrong, then people might think or say that its not your fault, but you didnt learn it at your mothers house/your mother never taught you.
ana_mujahid
23-02-08, 10:27 PM
:rotfl::rofl1::rotfl:
do not speak if not spoken2 :p
My two pence worth is that dont do anything you dont know how to do, and whatever you do do, make sure you do it properly. If you get that wrong, then people might think or say that its not your fault, but you didnt learn it at your mothers house/your mother never taught you.
right. that's wat someone else was telling me but i dont remember who... so many peices of advice coming from all directions :scratch:
:jkk:
LOL. We Bengalis can relate to this so well. My parents (especially my dad) is also lecturing me what to do and what not to do in front of my in-laws. One of which is "Under no circumstance you are to laugh or giggle at the wedding" ....otherwise people would call me "Besharam Jamai".
yeah well at least you'll have a handkercheif to cover your mouth with (:p). its 100x worse if the bride even smiles! :(
afsalim
24-02-08, 05:12 AM
yeah well at least you'll have a handkercheif to cover your mouth with (:p). its 100x worse if the bride even smiles! :(
LOL. No sis. Thats no longer in practice. Last time I saw a groom with a handkerchief was around 15 years back. Weddings are far dull now.
ummbilal
24-02-08, 06:43 AM
I mean, i was making assumptions but i think we're still on the same page...
Example: If she's not in purdah or hijab then I'd rather a girl wear shalwar kameez instead of more immodest western clothing.
That's just one example.
some shalwar kameez is more reveling than jeans and a top, i've seen sisters wearing see through fitted ones and think its ok as its the clothes from back home authubilahi.
haram is haram bro, you should prefer hijaab and jilbab with no compromise.
Irfan GBH
24-02-08, 07:06 AM
She could get one of those little signs that Wile E Coyote always seemed to have handy.
Assuming the in laws can read, and gucci can write in bangla, thats a good idea. I know where you can get cheap marker pens :D
RashidD
24-02-08, 07:54 AM
some shalwar kameez is more reveling than jeans and a top, i've seen sisters wearing see through fitted ones and think its ok as its the clothes from back home authubilahi.
haram is haram bro, you should prefer hijaab and jilbab with no compromise.
I wasn't saying it was ok or saying it wasn't haraam, just to make it clear. That's why i said "if they're not..." and i was referring to loose opaque shalwar kameez.
There is no compromise on issues of halaal and haraam.
LOL. No sis. Thats no longer in practice. Last time I saw a groom with a handkerchief was around 15 years back. Weddings are far dull now.
oh really... lol who knows maybe they still do it in the village :o
Assuming the in laws can read, and gucci can write in bangla, thats a good idea. I know where you can get cheap marker pens :D
gucci can only write at a grade 5 level :p
curious_man
25-02-08, 09:53 AM
Culture.
that's right. that thing thats making my life so complicated :rubeyes:
Now im being grilled about wat i can and cant do when i arrive at my "husband's home" :rolleyes: ... which is actually his parents home :smack:
The dos and donts of a new bangla bride: (my parents says)
The Don'ts :nono:
"dont speak unless you are asked to speak" :rubeyes: how am i gonna live!
"dont speak in a loud voice" :rolleyes:
"dont sound like a man wen you speak" hehehe :p
"dont approach elders unless they call for you"
"dont eavesdrop"
"dont sit near elders unless they call you to sit"
"dont look at anyone" - keep your gaze down
"dont offer to help with something that u dont know how to do- u'll only embarass US" :0:
"dont ask your motherinlaw for your gold jewellry shes keeping in safety"
"dont call your motherinlaw 'aunty'" :smack:
"dont call your husband with his first name, especially in front of his family" :eek:
"dont be stuck up"
thats a lot of donts :( so...
The Do's :up:
"do ask elders wat can be done around the house to help" :coolsis:
"do offer to do the dishes"
"do offer to help in the kitchen"
"do offer to do anything cooking related" :zzz:
"do be freindly,respectful,polite,etc. with the inlaws"
"do act in a way so we`re not given a bad name" :eek3:
funnily enough there are more donts than dos :rolleyes:
feel free to add more to my wonderful list which i will be tested from... :help:
just be urself. respect ur in laws. love the kids. smile a lot. try to blend in nice and slowly. ask ur husband to help u understand his family culture etc.
treat ur mother in law like ur own. try to be patient in hardship.
But never be afraid to stand up for yourself. be tactful though..
lot depends on ur husband and how strong he is... my wife was petrified living with my family but my nephews and niece helped her with their innocence. all she did was play with em initially and then slowly blended in. i was always there to make her feel less nervy.. but the 3 months we spent with my family before moving in our own house were brilliant because it built her relationship with my faamily. my mum loves her now.. she loves the fact that my wife wears a scarf and prays etc..
good qualities shine through... if u got goodness in ur heart it will melt away on the negative feelings from everyone's hearts... if people r not just towards u be patient and just take it out on ur husband like my mrs does loll....
the husband has to be the bridge between his family and wife. stronger the bridge better the relationships...
Stylish-Girly
25-02-08, 11:51 AM
Wow i got blanked bigtime alrite :boom: -Gucci's Yard-
:wavey:
Wow i got blanked bigtime alrite :boom: -Gucci's Yard-
:rotfl: i didnt blank on purpose! i got tired of my own thread :o but here's the answer :p
Thats why you guys be so brainy, Guc