View Full Version : Mahar and Masareef of marraige
assalam alaikum
these days marraige is not easy work or simple work...
these days if you have money then you can get marry......
every one have changed...the demand of marraige has increased.......
in some culture the groom family demands and in another culture brides family demands....
there are few people marry simple marraige according to sunnah....
Mahar:
increased to 50 thousand or 1000 thousand.......i am talking about dirhams....
Demands:
land.....50 thousand (dhs)gold, huge wedding hall with nice and luxtuary food....
bride dress(10 thousand)....House(including all stuff in it)......and farm.....honeymoon (15 to 20 thousand dirhams).
now a days every bride demand for it.....i think only in arab countries...
some times only in nikkah they spend 200,000.....(thats too much).
i hate marraige where they spend lots of money...its not sunnah....
but i prefer to demand 50 thousand dirhams with gold and simple marraige......and if not gold then i prefare to increase my mahar up to 60 or 70 thousand dirhams....and all simple marraige...(inshaALLAH) :inlove: :inlove: :inlove:
and i don't know how you will demand and what is in your culture....
wassalam
demand? lol bangali girls dont get a say in how much they want :p
demand? lol bangali girls dont get a say in how much they want :p
subhanALLAH...
why????
its a right of women....or in your man demands???
i dono i think its elders who decide on that stuff amongst themselves but most of it is '"just in case" situation u must do this this this' type thing :confused:
some villagey demand furniture, cars, high end stuff, etc. but according to customs both side of family have to exchange gifts right so like my fiance doesnt have "demands" and if he did this marriage wouldnt be taking place :p but my family wil have to give him and his family a bunch of stuff :rolleyes:
i dono i think its elders who decide on that stuff amongst themselves but most of it is '"just in case" situation u must do this this this' type thing :confused:
some villagey demand furniture, cars, high end stuff, etc. but according to customs both side of family have to exchange gifts right so like my fiance doesnt have "demands" and if he did this marriage wouldnt be taking place :p but my family wil have to give him and his family a bunch of stuff :rolleyes:
subhanALLAH
in here every thing is asked by grooom....and groom gets nothing ...not even wedding dress :D....
in islam bride is not the one who should spend..its all up to groom....
and family is the one here who demands that much.....
and what brides take in her husband home is all gift from her father...so no one touches her thing...
~Warda~
17-02-08, 12:43 PM
subhanALLAH
in here every thing is asked by grooom....and groom gets nothing ...not even wedding dress :D....
in islam bride is not the one who should spend..its all up to groom....
and family is the one here who demands that much.....
and what brides take in her husband home is all gift from her father...so no one touches her thing...
Thats how it should be:inlove:
In our culture, the bride and grooms family settle on a mahr...and the groom also pays for the brides clothes...but the brides family also have to get him something to wear for one of the wedding days. The brides family also give the grooms mum and sisters a gift ( i think that comes from hindu culture). It used to be compulsory but now i think people have realised its not part of islam so some people do give it and some dont. And in our family, the brides parents buy all the bedroom furniture( if they can afford it)...weird i know, but it remains the brides property :D
Oh and the bride gets loads of gifts from here in-laws as well as her parents ofcource:inlove:
A lot of culture is involved, but it really should be simple, because simplicity is the best.:up:
Thats how it should be:inlove:
In our culture, the bride and grooms family settle on a mahr...and the groom also pays for the brides clothes...but the brides family also have to get him something to wear for one of the wedding days. The brides family also give the grooms mum and sisters a gift ( i think that comes from hindu culture). It used to be compulsory but now i think people have realised its not part of islam so some people do give it and some dont. And in our family, the brides parents buy all the bedroom furniture( if they can afford it)...weird i know, but it remains the brides property :D
Oh and the bride gets loads of gifts from here in-laws as well as her parents ofcource:inlove:
A lot of culture is involved, but it really should be simple, because simplicity is the best.:up:
yes...subhanALLAH.....
i prefare that every thing should be spend by groom not bride.....
wedding day is like eid day for bride :inlove: :hidban: :hidban: :hidban: :hidban:
Saudi Prince
17-02-08, 01:02 PM
i hate marraige where they spend lots of money...its not sunnah....
but i prefer to demand 50 thousand dirhams with gold and simple marraige......and if not gold then i prefare to increase my mahar up to 60 or 70 thousand dirhams....and all simple marraige...(inshaALLAH) :inlove: :inlove: :inlove:
and i don't know how you will demand and what is in your culture....
wassalam
Do you really think you're going for something simple when you said 60,000 durhoms?! This is the a verage and people think it is a bit too much so if you really want to follow the sunnah then go for something less than that like 15,000 durhoms without anything extra.
Do you really think you're going for something simple when you said 60,000 durhoms?! This is the a verage and people think it is a bit too much so if you really want to follow the sunnah then go for something less than that like 15,000 durhoms without anything extra.
what???.........15,000???
am i crazy????
i said no honeymoon..no wedding dress ...no farm...no huge wedding hall.....no house....no gold............nothing....
then why should i ask 15,000?????....if i want my wedding simple then i will prefare my mahar more...
where i will go with 15,00 when he will divorce me????.
how i will feed my kids?????
every thing is expensive these days......
brother .....your wife will not accept you if you will give her just 15,000 with simple marraige......
Saudi Prince
17-02-08, 01:22 PM
what???.........15,000???
am i crazy????
i said no honeymoon..no wedding dress ...no farm...no huge wedding hall.....no house....no gold............nothing....
then why should i ask 15,000?????....if i want my wedding simple then i will prefare my mahar more...
where i will go with 15,00 when he will divorce me????.
how i will feed my kids?????
every thing is expensive these days......
brother .....your wife will not accept you if you will give her just 15,000 with simple marraige......
You are just being gready! You don't want the money to be spent on a nice hall and good party but to go into your pocket!
And when you get divorced there is another money called mata3!
And I was not talking about myself although I prefer my wife to ask for something little rather than proving to me that she marries me for my money!
oh boy.... :rolleyes:
and so it begins :1popcorn:
Saudi Prince
17-02-08, 01:29 PM
oh boy.... :rolleyes:
and so it begins :1popcorn:
finish your popcorn kiddo then go and play away.
You are just being gready! You don't want the money to be spent on a nice hall and good party but to go into your pocket!
And when you get divorced there is another money called mata3!
And I was not talking about myself although I prefer my wife to ask for something little rather than proving to me that she marries me for my money!
BROTHER......i did not say that i will ask expensive wedding hall or lots of gold or house or farm...
i said simple marraige......and Mahar is like a safty for woman.....so if i will prefare not wedding pary and simple wedding so i like to prefare more MAHAR....
and it will also depand on groom....if he is not rich and can't pay then it is ok..and if he is rich then he would give all these stuff without asking...
and you know in khaleejh groom some times spend more then 200,000 dirhams....by their own will..and it is culture....
You are just being gready! You don't want the money to be spent on a nice hall and good party but to go into your pocket!
And when you get divorced there is another money called mata3!
And I was not talking about myself although I prefer my wife to ask for something little rather than proving to me that she marries me for my money!
and yes i want it in my pocket...
its a HAQ....islam gave us HAQ......
AND IT WILL BE MY MONEY WETHER I PUT IT IN MY POCKET OR SPEND IT....
right sisters????
Khuram_2k?
17-02-08, 01:47 PM
yes you have the right ofcourse but how do the people who have just finished studying afford this without his family giving him a load of cash, but the point is the money that he has will probably be spent on your future anyway.
Is mahr the same as dowry?
If so, I don't understand why people make life difficult for themselves. Dowry is something you state in the nikkah, right? All I'd want from my husband is to take me to hajj in the future.
It's sad that nowadays people abuse the concept of dowry...and demand a lot of money from the grooms side.
Saudi Prince
17-02-08, 01:57 PM
and yes i want it in my pocket...
its a HAQ....islam gave us HAQ......
AND IT WILL BE MY MONEY WETHER I PUT IT IN MY POCKET OR SPEND IT....
right sisters????
No it is not haqq to ask for too much! The prophet SAAW said the lesser the mahr the more barakah in marriage. So, why don't you follow this?
Saudi Prince
17-02-08, 01:57 PM
Is mahr the same as dowry?
If so, I don't understand why people make life difficult for themselves. Dowry is something you state in the nikkah, right? All I'd want from my husband is to take me to hajj in the future.
It's sad that nowadays people abuse the concept of dowry...and demand a lot of money from the grooms side.
kubs, are you sure you're honest here? ;)
yes you have the right ofcourse but how do the people who have just finished studying afford this without his family giving him a load of cash, but the point is the money that he has will probably be spent on your future anyway.
...then marry one who ask less mahar....
the one can afford then only he can pay lots of mahar or spend lot in wedding...
no way.....Mahar is Mahar....IT IS A RIGHT OF EVERY MUSLIM WOMEN...
and spending on her in the future is something else..not mahar ...it is a duty...
kubs, are you sure you're honest here? ;)
Why would I not be honest?
I'm completely serious. In my nikah, I'd ask him to take me to hajj. Everything else, i.e. taking care of the family, supporting me financially..is obligatory on him anyway.
No it is not haqq to ask for too much! The prophet SAAW said the lesser the mahr the more barakah in marriage. So, why don't you follow this?
look brother....if my husband will afford that much Mahar THE IT IS OK...AND IF NOT THEN IT IS DIFFERENT THING...
why a one should take less mahar if his husband is business man or millionare...
its all depend upon groom..and his capacity of spending...
Why would I not be honest?
I'm completely serious. In my nikah, I'd ask him to take me to hajj. Everything else, i.e. taking care of the family, supporting me financially..is obligatory on him anyway.
yes.....mahar is different and obligatory is different...
you chose to be vist hajj as mahar and i choose to be money my mahar...
Abood, can you do something about the big heavy green writing? Try to leave lines in between and you know, keep the font smaller? At this rate I'll need some high prescribed lenses. :rubeyes:
Abood, can you do something about the big heavy green writing? Try to leave lines in between and you know, keep the font smaller? At this rate I'll need some high prescribed lenses. :rubeyes:
sister....
i have same problem...i don't feel comfortable with small font...and meanwhile i have no glasses.....
i don't where i put my 1 of the glasses and another one>>>>>>hehehehe :D
Seriously, if you don't do sommat about it, I shall have to report your posts..and thats the devil ure bringin out of me :smack:
Seriously, if you don't do sommat about it, I shall have to report your posts..and thats the devil ure bringin out of me :smack:
WHAT???
then don't read my posts....i have same problem you have..
Saudi Prince
17-02-08, 02:49 PM
Why would I not be honest?
I'm completely serious. In my nikah, I'd ask him to take me to hajj. Everything else, i.e. taking care of the family, supporting me financially..is obligatory on him anyway.
Good wife but make sure you don't chnge your mind one day. :)
WHAT???
then don't read my posts....i have same problem you have..
c'mon sis..I'm being nice here..
Let's compromise..:)
c'mon sis..I'm being nice here..
Let's compromise..:)
hmmmmmmmmmm
ok....i will do what you will say...only because you are my sister in islam.
Good wife but make sure you don't chnge your mind one day. :)
Inshallah I won't.
~Warda~
17-02-08, 07:33 PM
Do you really think you're going for something simple when you said 60,000 durhoms?! This is the a verage and people think it is a bit too much so if you really want to follow the sunnah then go for something less than that like 15,000 durhoms without anything extra.
Ermm...how much is 15,000 dirhams in pounds?
mizfissy815
17-02-08, 08:10 PM
assalam alaikum
these days marraige is not easy work or simple work...
these days if you have money then you can get marry......
every one have changed...the demand of marraige has increased.......
in some culture the groom family demands and in another culture brides family demands....
there are few people marry simple marraige according to sunnah....
Mahar:
increased to 50 thousand or 1000 thousand.......i am talking about dirhams....
Demands:
land.....50 thousand (dhs)gold, huge wedding hall with nice and luxtuary food....
bride dress(10 thousand)....House(including all stuff in it)......and farm.....honeymoon (15 to 20 thousand dirhams).
now a days every bride demand for it.....i think only in arab countries...
some times only in nikkah they spend 200,000.....(thats too much).
i hate marraige where they spend lots of money...its not sunnah....
but i prefer to demand 50 thousand dirhams with gold and simple marraige......and if not gold then i prefare to increase my mahar up to 60 or 70 thousand dirhams....and all simple marraige...(inshaALLAH) :inlove: :inlove: :inlove:
and i don't know how you will demand and what is in your culture....
wassalam
50-100 thousand dirhams?!:rubeyes:
What if the practicing brother can't afford that? And mind you, many in UAE will not be able to bring that to you in one go...unless they've been saving up and working for quite a while which means he's probably old and already married.
100,000 dirhams is approx. Ł13,000 or $27,000...
There is a massive difference between living the UK and living in UAE and as such, the 'expected/average' mahr will differ. UAE is relatively cheap to live particularly outside of Dubai...depending on where in UAE, 50,000 dirhams can pay the rent of a 4 bedroom villa for a year! And as such, peoples' salaries are allocated with that in mind. Not many people in UAE earn 100,000 dirhams a year...
Saudi Prince
17-02-08, 11:59 PM
50-100 thousand dirhams?!:rubeyes:
What if the practicing brother can't afford that? And mind you, many in UAE will not be able to bring that to you in one go...unless they've been saving up and working for quite a while which means he's probably old and already married.
100,000 dirhams is approx. Ł13,000 or $27,000...
There is a massive difference between living the UK and living in UAE and as such, the 'expected/average' mahr will differ. UAE is relatively cheap to live particularly outside of Dubai...depending on where in UAE, 50,000 dirhams can pay the rent of a 4 bedroom villa for a year! And as such, peoples' salaries are allocated with that in mind. Not many people in UAE earn 100,000 dirhams a year...
mizfissy815, how much do you think is a reasonable mahr for an average person?
Saudi Prince
18-02-08, 12:00 AM
Ermm...how much is 15,000 dirhams in pounds?
around 2000 pounds.
RashidD
18-02-08, 12:09 AM
around 2000 pounds.
That's still blinking mad for me... But then again i live in Sri Lanka where conditions are different i guess...
Khuram_2k?
18-02-08, 12:57 AM
50-100 thousand dirhams?!:rubeyes:
What if the practicing brother can't afford that? And mind you, many in UAE will not be able to bring that to you in one go...unless they've been saving up and working for quite a while which means he's probably old and already married.
100,000 dirhams is approx. Ł13,000 or $27,000...
There is a massive difference between living the UK and living in UAE and as such, the 'expected/average' mahr will differ. UAE is relatively cheap to live particularly outside of Dubai...depending on where in UAE, 50,000 dirhams can pay the rent of a 4 bedroom villa for a year! And as such, peoples' salaries are allocated with that in mind. Not many people in UAE earn 100,000 dirhams a year...
lol, maybe i should have checked the dirham exchange rate before i commented, ok so now i agree 100k dirhams is perfectly reasonable or maybe not enough for a wife but that also depends on the country you are in ofcourse. i know for a fact when i get married i'll have to give more than that but im happy to. some aernt
LastFriday
18-02-08, 01:09 AM
See how much we have to do! Give Mehr, work, take care of err body, go to Jihad :rolleyes: And what do we get in return *cough* nags, wheres my diamond *cough*
:salams
Even going to hajj will cost around Ł4000 per person (standard). Which is the equivalent of around 29,000 dharims. Nearly double the price some Arabs think is a suitable amount for mahr.
Each individual has to base mahr on what their future spouse can afford. Also its good to remember that Islamic marriages are not based upon amount of mahr. :)
LastFriday
18-02-08, 02:53 AM
:salams
Even going to hajj will cost around Ł4000 per person (standard). Which is the equivalent of around 29,000 dharims. Nearly double the price some Arabs think is a suitable amount for mahr.
Each individual has to base mahr on what their future spouse can afford. Also its good to remember that Islamic marriages are not based upon amount of mahr. :)
Seriously. You're entering a relationship of a lifetime with someone, you're no longer alone or work individually. When you get hurt your spouse should feel it too so I don't know how a spouse, I mean how can you expect your to be husband to pay up such a large amount. In the end the money is going to come back in the family....make no sense.
50-100 thousand dirhams?!:rubeyes:
What if the practicing brother can't afford that? And mind you, many in UAE will not be able to bring that to you in one go...unless they've been saving up and working for quite a while which means he's probably old and already married.
100,000 dirhams is approx. Ł13,000 or $27,000...
There is a massive difference between living the UK and living in UAE and as such, the 'expected/average' mahr will differ. UAE is relatively cheap to live particularly outside of Dubai...depending on where in UAE, 50,000 dirhams can pay the rent of a 4 bedroom villa for a year! And as such, peoples' salaries are allocated with that in mind. Not many people in UAE earn 100,000 dirhams a year...
brother you know how much local peoples of this country get salary???
20 thousand each month and with that they even give home and free education...and depending upon his salary some times its 30 thousand dirhams.
they usually give mahr less like aroud 20 thousaand because they spend 50 thousand dirhams for gold and 70 or 80 thousand dirhams for wedding plainning...
my brothers friend is just now marraied and he spend 10 thousand dirhams just for curtain....imagine...10 thousand dirhams just for curtain of his room...
so i don't prefare gold or huge and expensive wedding...i prefare MAHAR :D
and the will increase the mahar if bride is not asking gold or expensive wedding party....
See how much we have to do! Give Mehr, work, take care of err body, go to Jihad :rolleyes: And what do we get in return *cough* nags, wheres my diamond *cough*
so what..there is also roll of women after marraige.....washing ,cooking,cleaning,looking after children...and many....
if you have money to spend in wedding and money for mahar they marry....
lol, maybe i should have checked the dirham exchange rate before i commented, ok so now i agree 100k dirhams is perfectly reasonable or maybe not enough for a wife but that also depends on the country you are in ofcourse. i know for a fact when i get married i'll have to give more than that but im happy to. some aernt
yes...may be i should increase my demand....to 200,000 dirhams....
RashidD
18-02-08, 03:30 AM
I've got a question... What do the sisters that are asking such high mahr and wedding prices have to offer?
See, i don't agree with this insanely high mahr issue because it kills the spirit of marriage... Look how hard it is for people to get married now. SubhanALLAH sometimes we make the halaal harder than the haraam.
Then you get even more twisted systems where the girl pays to the guy.
No offence to you sister and in the end the mahr amount is i suppose at your discretion somewhat but these are just some thoughts i had. :jkk:
:wswrwb:
I've got a question... What do the sisters that are asking such high mahr and wedding prices have to offer?
See, i don't agree with this insanely high mahr issue because it kills the spirit of marriage... Look how hard it is for people to get married now. SubhanALLAH sometimes we make the halaal harder than the haraam.
Then you get even more twisted systems where the girl pays to the guy.
No offence to you sister and in the end the mahr amount is i suppose at your discretion somewhat but these are just some thoughts i had. :jkk:
:wswrwb:
if you have money then marry and if not then marry a 1 who don't accept anything for you...
its a choice on man..
Mahar is compulsory....
LastFriday
18-02-08, 03:40 AM
if you have money then marry and if not then marry a 1 who don't accept anything for you...
its a choice on man..
Mahar is compulsory....
and we wonder why so many sisters are still unmarried.
Ratio for men to women is like 5-1 I think.
and we wonder why so many sisters are still unmarried.
Ratio for men to women is like 5-1 I think.
hmmmmmmm
yes you are right.....
but still it depends on man...if you have money then you can marry...
LastFriday
18-02-08, 03:47 AM
hmmmmmmm
yes you are right.....
but still it depends on man...if you have money then you can marry...
And if we don't? I think its a little bit unreasonable for the bride to ask for mehr...especially such a ridiculously high one!
RashidD
18-02-08, 03:52 AM
And if we don't? I think its a little bit unreasonable for the bride to ask for mehr...especially such a ridiculously high one!
IIRC she's perfectly within her rights to ask for mahr. We're just advising that it shouldn't be an exorbitant one. This may result in her being the loser as brothers may not be able to afford her mahr and move to other marriageable prospects.
And if we don't? I think its a little bit unreasonable for the bride to ask for mehr...especially such a ridiculously high one!
up to bride..and i think if a man is rich then ofcourse he should agree with that amount...
and if you don't then marry that girl who ask less....you said that there are many sisters are unmarraied.....so i think many among them will ask less...
you know how much the women of quraish tribe ask????
they ask double then i did...only because that tribe is more rich and high then other.....they like to marry a tribe with a same standard of her tribe...
and ALLAH knows best.
IIRC she's perfectly within her rights to ask for mahr. We're just advising that it shouldn't be an exorbitant one. This may result in her being the loser as brothers may not be able to afford her mahr and move to other marriageable prospects.
brother.....
ALLAH have already written in my destiny who i will marry...not now but the day we were born.......
ALLAH have given a partner to each sexs.......
and if brothers rejects me then i don't care....i am sure that ALLAH have written some thing good for me....
i agree what ALLAH chose for me...
LastFriday
18-02-08, 04:03 AM
up to bride..and i think if a man is rich then ofcourse he should agree with that amount...
and if you don't then marry that girl who ask less....you said that there are many sisters are unmarraied.....so i think many among them will ask less...
you know how much the women of quraish tribe ask????
they ask double then i did...only because that tribe is more rich and high then other.....they like to marry a tribe with a same standard of her tribe...
and ALLAH knows best.
Same standards? Thats silly. In Islam were all equal, to a certain degree. A rich person isn't any better than a poor person. I think the concept of asking such a high mehr demeans the character of the bride. As I said earlier, what kind of a relationship are you entering? Informal? A one where you just want to get your half of the deen complete or a real loving relationship where you both work off of each other? Even if the brother is rich, sisters should be a little considerate :rolleyes: Same goes for the bros, if you are really wealthy then sure be generous. But I think the sisters should show a little more gratitude, show some signs of responsibility and not sink down to materialistic things. Seems shallow to me. :rolleyes: JUST MY 2 CENTS!
RashidD
18-02-08, 04:07 AM
brother.....
ALLAH have already written in my destiny who i will marry...not now but the day we were born.......
ALLAH have given a partner to each sexs.......
and if brothers rejects me then i don't care....i am sure that ALLAH have written some thing good for me....
i agree what ALLAH chose for me...
That is true. ALLAH also gave you an example to follow for success. It is in following the example that we gain success.
Same standards? Thats silly. In Islam were all equal, to a certain degree. A rich person isn't any better than a poor person. I think the concept of asking such a high mehr demeans the character of the bride. As I said earlier, what kind of a relationship are you entering? Informal? A one where you just want to get your half of the deen complete or a real loving relationship where you both work off of each other? Even if the brother is rich, sisters should be a little considerate :rolleyes: Same goes for the bros, if you are really wealthy then sure be generous. But I think the sisters should show a little more gratitude, show some signs of responsibility and not sink down to materialistic things. Seems shallow to me. :rolleyes: JUST MY 2 CENTS!
so how you think that mahr should be???
2000 dirhams???
no way...
nowdays brothers are not like in oldren days....
they marry and don't care of children and wife..and after some times live children to wife and run away.....then for that women is forced to do job in between non-mehram...
many man are soo cruel that they don't even spend money for his family...
eat and drink and sit in home and asks wife to do job and feed him and children.....
mahar is safty...it can be work after a man give divorce or some problem arrives....
as not every sisters are good same like not every brother is good...
with 20,000 where women will go with her children????
from where she feeds them???every thing is expensive now days......
even today a men are so cruel that they reject to marry that woman who have already children....
RashidD
18-02-08, 04:14 AM
Sister, you complain about brothers but then you go on to slander your brothers in Islam and show this mentality even before getting married.
Why the negative mindset? Suspicion of a muslim is from shaitaan and we should think the best of our brothers and sisters in Islam.
InshaALLAH if the brother is practising then he will hold fast to his Deen and protect his family and not abandon them.
May ALLAH grant you a pious husband, ameen.
Sister, you complain about brothers but then you go on to slander your brothers in Islam and show this mentality even before getting married.
Why the negative mindset? Suspicion of a muslim is from shaitaan and we should think the best of our brothers and sisters in Islam.
InshaALLAH if the brother is practising then he will hold fast to his Deen and protect his family and not abandon them.
May ALLAH grant you a pious husband, ameen.
ameen..and you too...
but i will still say....mahar is safty for muslimahs... :D
LastFriday
18-02-08, 04:21 AM
so how you think that mahr should be???
2000 dirhams???
no way...
nowdays brothers are not like in oldren days....
they marry and don't care of children and wife..and after some times live children to wife and run away.....then for that women is forced to do job in between non-mehram...
many man are soo cruel that they don't even spend money for his family...
eat and drink and sit in home and asks wife to do job and feed him and children.....
mahar is safty...it can be work after a man give divorce or some problem arrives....
as not every sisters are good same like not every brother is good...
with 20,000 where women will go with her children????
from where she feeds them???every thing is expensive now days......
even today a men are so cruel that they reject to marry that woman who have already children....
Sister thats not a good mentality to have before getting married. I mean if you enter a marriage thinking like that, then you're setting your self up for disaster! Have some trust in the brother you marry. After all its not like your going to marry someone completely random you have never talked to or have met. These are the questions you ask him when you have your first meeting with him, with your wali present of course. You try to find out his character and dedication before hand. Sure there are brothers that are mean and cruel, but we can say the same for the women to no? Jealousness, blowing things out of proportion.
If the sister gets divorced, she shouldn't go anywhere, rather try to get remarried ASAP!
Sister, you complain about brothers but then you go on to slander your brothers in Islam and show this mentality even before getting married.
Why the negative mindset? Suspicion of a muslim is from shaitaan and we should think the best of our brothers and sisters in Islam.
InshaALLAH if the brother is practising then he will hold fast to his Deen and protect his family and not abandon them.
May ALLAH grant you a pious husband, ameen.
Thuma Ameen! Same To Every One, May Allah Grant Us all a caring, dedicated, non-materialistic, loving, virtuous, pious, Beautiful! Spouse :D :up:
Sister thats not a good mentality to have before getting married. I mean if you enter a marriage thinking like that, then you're setting your self up for disaster! Have some trust in the brother you marry. After all its not like your going to marry someone completely random you have never talked to or have met. These are the questions you ask him when you have your first meeting with him, with your wali present of course. You try to find out his character and dedication before hand. Sure there are brothers that are mean and cruel, but we can say the same for the women to no? Jealousness, blowing things out of proportion.
If the sister gets divorced, she shouldn't go anywhere, rather try to get remarried ASAP!
first of all i don't agree to talk or meet with my future husband before the nikkah even with the presence of my wali...
and as i said mahar is safty for women and it will work someday for her
and another thing...now a days its very difficult to find good brother....
and who will marry a woman who have children...only few brothers accepts that woman...
LastFriday
18-02-08, 04:35 AM
first of all i don't agree to talk or meet with my future husband before the nikkah even with the presence of my wali...
and as i said mahar is safty for women and it will work someday for her
and another thing...now a days its very difficult to find good brother....
and who will marry a woman who have children...only few brothers accepts that woman...
You yourself said, you believe in Allah (swt) and what he has prescribed for you. Then why not put your trust in him when getting married???? You say, he (swt) has already chosen a partner for every one, then getting married and then getting a divorce is all part of the greater plan, no???? And why not meet the spouse? Isn't there a hadith where the prophet (pbuh) ordered a man to go see his spouse! Why disregard that order, but agree on this whole mehr issue.
If Allah (Swt) destined you to get married and then get divorced, surely he (swt) will have some one better for you and it was a test for you. But then again, if everything is preplanned then the outcome of the test is already pre-determined?
RashidD
18-02-08, 04:39 AM
first of all i don't agree to talk or meet with my future husband before the nikkah even with the presence of my wali...
Why not?
Why not?
because it against islam....
and i don't wanna be a show piece....
You yourself said, you believe in Allah (swt) and what he has prescribed for you. Then why not put your trust in him when getting married???? You say, he (swt) has already chosen a partner for every one, then getting married and then getting a divorce is all part of the greater plan, no???? And why not meet the spouse? Isn't there a hadith where the prophet (pbuh) ordered a man to go see his spouse! Why disregard that order, but agree on this whole mehr issue.
If Allah (Swt) destined you to get married and then get divorced, surely he (swt) will have some one better for you and it was a test for you. But then again, if everything is preplanned then the outcome of the test is already pre-determined?
khair inshaALLAH...but islam does not force a woman or man to see his or her spouse....
its up to bride that how much mahra she choose......there no such condition that she is not allowed to choose mahar....she is free to chose mahar as much as she wants....
you can't get marry unless you don't pay mahar...
RashidD
18-02-08, 06:50 AM
because it against islam....
and i don't wanna be a show piece....
It's not against Islam to meet your husband before you marry, but there are etiquettes and guidelines as to how it should be done. Please consult a trustworthy sheikh InshaALLAH.
~Warda~
18-02-08, 09:43 AM
around 2000 pounds.
:eek: Thats a bit much...most brothers in this country wont be able to afford that much in one go...
Anyway, personally, i dont think the mahr should be taken sooo seriously. I understand some sisters ask for a high mahr just incase she gets divorsed, but why get married with that thought in mind? What happened to optimism?:D We should all follow the example of what Rasulullah :saw: own daughter, Fatima (ra) received for her mahr insha-Allah.
It's not against Islam to meet your husband before you marry, but there are etiquettes and guidelines as to how it should be done. Please consult a trustworthy sheikh InshaALLAH.
jazakALLAH khair brother...
i know about it...but i prefare not to meet my future husband before nikkah ...i prefare my parents do that my their self..
:eek: Thats a bit much...most brothers in this country wont be able to afford that much in one go...
Anyway, personally, i dont think the mahr should be taken sooo seriously. I understand some sisters ask for a high mahr just incase she gets divorsed, but why get married with that thought in mind? What happened to optimism?:D We should all follow the example of what Rasulullah :saw: own daughter, Fatima (ra) received for her mahr insha-Allah.
jazakALLAH khairan ukhti...
sister do you know how much fatima(r.a)took her mahar??
LastFriday
18-02-08, 12:30 PM
because it against islam....
and i don't wanna be a show piece....
What? Where did you get that fatwa...
LastFriday
18-02-08, 12:32 PM
khair inshaALLAH...but islam does not force a woman or man to see his or her spouse....
its up to bride that how much mahra she choose......there no such condition that she is not allowed to choose mahar....she is free to chose mahar as much as she wants....
you can't get marry unless you don't pay mahar...
But it forces to pay Mahr?
But it forces to pay Mahr?
the mahr is part of the marriage contract no?
What? Where did you get that fatwa...
i did not hear from fatwah....
but i chose not to show my self to non-mehram
Tranquillity
18-02-08, 03:52 PM
jazakALLAH khairan ukhti...
sister do you know how much fatima(r.a)took her mahar??
I heard it was the equivalent of about 250 UK pounds.. about fifty times less than yours.
The problem clearly is that a lot of Muslims have fallen into the trap of comparing themselves to others- 'look, my cousin spent that much money so it's good that I'm not spending as much'- but in matters of our deen we are supposed to compare ourselves to those more pious than us and who are better examples than the mothers of the believers?
I heard it was the equivalent of about 250 UK pounds.. about fifty times less than yours.
The problem clearly is that a lot of Muslims have fallen into the trap of comparing themselves to others- 'look, my cousin spent that much money so it's good that I'm not spending as much'- but in matters of our deen we are supposed to compare ourselves to those more pious than us and who are better examples than the mothers of the believers?
some says that it was just 4 dirhams....
and people use to buy many camel with that much money...
so it means that it was soo much at that time...
~Warda~
18-02-08, 06:29 PM
jazakALLAH khairan ukhti...
sister do you know how much fatima(r.a)took her mahar??
I thinks its roughly about Ł350 at the moment.
some says that it was just 4 dirhams....
and people use to buy many camel with that much money...
so it means that it was soo much at that time...
Read this:
When Fătimah radhiyallahu anhă reached the age of fifteen, proposals for her marriage began to come from high and responsible families. But the Prophet sallallahu alayhi wasallam remained irresponsive.
Ali radhiyallahu anhu, who was 21 at the time, says: It occurred to me that I should go and make a formal proposal, but then I thought, “How could this be accomplished, for I possess nothing.” At last, encouraged by the Prophet’s kindness, I went to him and expressed my intention to marry Fătimah radhiyallahu anhă. The Prophet sallallahu alayhi wasallam was extremely pleased and asked, “Ali! Do you possess anything to give her in mahr?” I replied, “Apart from a horse and an armour I possess nothing.”
The Prophet sallallahu alayhi wasallam said, “A soldier must, of course, have his horse. Go and sell away your armour.”
So, Ali radhiyallahu anhu went and sold his armour to Uthmăn radhiyallahu anhu for 480 Dirham and presented it to Rasoolullah sallallahu alayhi wasallam. Bilăl radhiyallahu anhu was ordered by the Prophet sallallahu alayhi wasallam to bring some perfume and a few other things and Anas radhiyallahu anhu was sent to call Abu Bakr, Uthmăn, Talhah, Zubayr with some companions from the Ansăr radhiyallahu anhum.
When these men arrived and had taken their seats, the Prophet sallallahu alayhi wasallam recited the khutbah (sermon) of nikăh and gave Fătimah radhiyallahu anhă in marriage to Ali radhiyallahu anhu. He announced, “Bear you all witness that I have given my daughter Fătimah in marriage to Ali for 400 mithqăl of silver and Ali has accepted.” He then raised his head and made du‘ă saying, “O Allah, create love and harmony between these two. Bless them and bestow upon them good children.” After the nikăh, dates were distributed.
http://www.idauk.org/pub/leaf/shr/10.html
I thinks its roughly about Ł350 at the moment.
Read this:
http://www.idauk.org/pub/leaf/shr/10.html
jazakALLAH laf khair sister...
the Prophet(peace be upon him asked how much you possess???
then if the brother who will come to marry me will be rich then ofcourse i will ask money as much as he can give..inshaALLAH
wassalam
mizfissy815
19-02-08, 07:33 PM
brother you know how much local peoples of this country get salary???
20 thousand each month and with that they even give home and free education...and depending upon his salary some times its 30 thousand dirhams.
they usually give mahr less like aroud 20 thousaand because they spend 50 thousand dirhams for gold and 70 or 80 thousand dirhams for wedding plainning...
my brothers friend is just now marraied and he spend 10 thousand dirhams just for curtain....imagine...10 thousand dirhams just for curtain of his room...
so i don't prefare gold or huge and expensive wedding...i prefare MAHAR :D
and the will increase the mahar if bride is not asking gold or expensive wedding party....
I'm a sister...;)
And yeah, 20,000 IF you've got a semi-professional job...what about the rest of the population? A very, very small percentage of UAE's population can afford 70,000 in gold in one day...bought over the course of your years together, then that's different. But by the wedding day?
Sister, you do realise that the majority of the population do not, and probably never will spend 10,000 dirhams on a curtain right? You seem to be looking at only a tiny group of people and basically discarded some 80% of UAE's population.
mizfissy815
19-02-08, 07:35 PM
mizfissy815, how much do you think is a reasonable mahr for an average person?
Completely dependent on the situation of the guy, and what country we'd be residing.
What maybe an 'average' mahr in the UK will not be seen the same in most parts of the world, including the Arab nations.
I'm a sister...;)
And yeah, 20,000 IF you've got a semi-professional job...what about the rest of the population? A very, very small percentage of UAE's population can afford 70,000 in gold in one day...bought over the course of your years together, then that's different. But by the wedding day?
Sister, you do realise that the majority of the population do not, and probably never will spend 10,000 dirhams on a curtain right? You seem to be looking at only a tiny group of people and basically discarded some 80% of UAE's population.
don't worry sister....
ask every emarati...and you will fine 80% of people do that...
and there is a serves for locals ...they can take money from there for marraige and it is from government...and it is called as (SONDOOQ AL ZAWAAJH).
jazakALLAH khair
mizfissy815
20-02-08, 08:11 PM
don't worry sister....
ask every emarati...and you will fine 80% of people do that...
and there is a serves for locals ...they can take money from there for marraige and it is from government...and it is called as (SONDOOQ AL ZAWAAJH).
jazakALLAH khair
Isn't the Sondooq meant only for Emarati nationals? That's basically less than 15% of UAE's population...
Isn't the Sondooq meant only for Emarati nationals? That's basically less than 15% of UAE's population...
yes
when did i say that foreigners can support this much money???
assalam alaikum
these days marraige is not easy work or simple work...
these days if you have money then you can get marry......
every one have changed...the demand of marraige has increased.......
in some culture the groom family demands and in another culture brides family demands....
there are few people marry simple marraige according to sunnah....
Mahar:
increased to 50 thousand or 1000 thousand.......i am talking about dirhams....
Demands:
land.....50 thousand (dhs)gold, huge wedding hall with nice and luxtuary food....
bride dress(10 thousand)....House(including all stuff in it)......and farm.....honeymoon (15 to 20 thousand dirhams).
now a days every bride demand for it.....i think only in arab countries...
some times only in nikkah they spend 200,000.....(thats too much).
i hate marraige where they spend lots of money...its not sunnah....
but i prefer to demand 50 thousand dirhams with gold and simple marraige......and if not gold then i prefare to increase my mahar up to 60 or 70 thousand dirhams....and all simple marraige...(inshaALLAH) :inlove: :inlove: :inlove:
and i don't know how you will demand and what is in your culture....
wassalam
These kind of marriages don't last long which is shame really you spend every hard earned penny to show off and at end the only thing you get is a bunch of ungrateful guests who would subject you to scrutiny.
be wise don't entertain others at your expense.:nono:
These kind of marriages don't last long which is shame really you spend every hard earned penny to show off and at end the only thing you get is a bunch of ungrateful guests who would subject you to scrutiny.
be wise don't entertain others at your expense.:nono:
jazakALLAH alf khair
i also don't like this kind of marraige
i just want MAHAR...no expensive wedding...
just mahar and simple wedding :inlove:
inshaALLAH
Fitnah Bolice
20-02-08, 10:17 PM
yes
when did i say that foreigners can support this much money???
:rotfl:
Yea the rest of us (asians) we all miskeens.
Too funny.
:rotfl:
:rotfl:
Yea the rest of us (asians) we all miskeens.
Too funny.
:rotfl:
i did not say that :( :( :( :(
what can i do if your culture is like that???
every 1 have there choice ...
jazakALLAH alf khair
i also don't like this kind of marraige
i just want MAHAR...no expensive wedding...
just mahar and simple wedding :inlove:
inshaALLAH
Mansha-Allah me too simplicity is the best and its also part of the Sunnah of our beloved prophet (PBUH).
Don't let anyone change your mind sis if you're not already married that is people tend to use phrases like you'll only marry once make the best night of your life.:zzz:
RashidD
21-02-08, 12:00 AM
i did not say that :( :( :( :(
what can i do if your culture is like that???
every 1 have there choice ...
If asian culture is like what?
LastFriday
21-02-08, 01:11 AM
jazakALLAH alf khair
i also don't like this kind of marraige
i just want MAHAR...no expensive wedding...
just mahar and simple wedding :inlove:
inshaALLAH
:rotfl: just mahar? Cmon sis...
:rotfl: just mahar? Cmon sis...
yes just mahar.....
(100,000)dirhams :inlove:
oh i have a question,
wen does the mahr have to be presented to the bride? wen they get married? years after marriage?
if theres a divorce does she have to give it back?
$HugoBoss$
26-02-08, 02:47 PM
yes just mahar.....
(100,000)dirhams :inlove:
She wants cash in her bank account ;)
She wants cash in her bank account ;)
yes...subhanALLAH :D
$HugoBoss$
26-02-08, 03:28 PM
yes...subhanALLAH :D
Smart :up:
What if your husband is rich and wants to have a fancy wedding, even than will you say no???
majidd84
26-02-08, 04:01 PM
Sister, I wholeheartedly agreed with this post of yours entitled: 'why muslim youth??? why not marraige ??why falling in sin??'
But you must understand that when a strange female we've never even seen or met demands a large sum of mahr, things start to get really risky for us guys.
Imagine proposing to a female I've never even met, I don't know her, I have no idea what she's like at all...I pay a large sum of mahr, and once we're married she turns out to be a psycho or something like that...the thought of that is enough to turn a guy off marriage. A cousin of mine divorced his wife after 6 months of marriage and spending over 50,000sr on her. Ouch.
I am married though, and I consider myself blessed, Alhamdulilah, I got to know my wife before I married her (and she was never 'a piece of show' to me or anyone else...it was all halaal and decent), so I knew exactly why I wanted to marry her, I knew she was worth it, and even when we married I was the one who insisted on a full mahr, even if I'll have to pay it in installments over the next couple of years.
I'm sure the 'Muslim youth' would be more open to marriage (instead of falling into sin) when brides start being a little more sensible in considering the financial situation of her groom-to-be...'youths' aren't exactly rich, alot of us are still studying or trying to stabilize ourselves in the career world we've just thrown ourselves into, fresh from college. Sure, mahr is the woman's right, no Muslim can deny that, but there are limits, we should keep in mind the real reason of wanting marriage in the first place, there is alot more to nikah than the amount of mahr you choose to set, money shouldn't be getting in the way...ofcourse you can always choose to marry someone alot older and richer...but that won't guarantee happiness.
Smart :up:
What if your husband is rich and wants to have a fancy wedding, even than will you say no???
errrrr..
you are right...
in here its a traditional of Arabs they put wedding ceremony...
what will i do???
i will tell him sunnah and if he insist to do that then i won't say any thing...
i will enjoy :hidban: :hidban: :hidban:
khair inshaALLAH
and ALLAH knows best..
majidd84
27-02-08, 03:31 AM
oh and one more thing:
"aqallahuma mahran, aktharuhuma barakah."
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