On Behalf....

[LastFriday]

:aku_salam:

A proposal came for my sister :D The brother wants to meet ME first and speak to me. As do my parents. They want me to talk to him and see how his character is. Its funny though, because the brother wants to speak to me as well o.O. Don't ask why, because I don't get it my self! What kind of questions should I ask him to get to know this mans characters. Pretty weird since I'm 2 years younger than my sis and I'm nervous my self lol. But, I really don't know what to say, what should I tell him about my sis and what shouldn't I =\ It sucks because my own sister won't really give me a clear cut answer :S So I'm the one under pressure lOl....Now my sister is like a cultural butterfly, she is very social and knows a lot of people and outgoing. We also differ a little bit deen wise...so don't know I mean, ya I'm confused :S

[Cashew]

There are of course the very basic things, such as what sort of Islamic education he wants for his children, if he plans on living with his parents after the wedding, etc.

But I think the bigger issue isn't so much the questions themselves -- because anyone can misrepresent himself -- but how he reacts to the questions.

Usually within the first few seconds of meeting someone -- our immediate "gut reaction" to the person -- we get a good idea of who the person is.

I'm not necessarily talking about a "good" or "bad" judgment, just a solid basic impression of the person's personality.

Using that impression, you should have some idea whether he's a good match for your sister.

[Chained_Water]

Important to learn about his family.. meet his whole family.. why not go around to his house and meet him in that setting.. what they say about marrying a whole family and not just one person is usually true [whether we like it or not :p ] ..also seeing a person with their family in their home environment gives you a truer picture..

don't base it on one meeting either.. maybe become "friends" with the dude and go pop round his house often or go out with him.. you'll get a better sense of who he is and what he's like..

there's about a million threads on questions.. but thats more relevant to your sis.. you dunno what she wants in a husband, all you can do is get a general idea of if he's worth her consideration, it's upto her to see for herself ultimately.. but search for the question threads anyway.

:wswrwb:

[MG]

i feel my thread "100 pre-marital questions" would be useful here :D

[RashidD]

Important to learn about his family.. meet his whole family.. why not go around to his house and meet him in that setting.. what they say about marrying a whole family and not just one person is usually true [whether we like it or not :p ] ..also seeing a person with their family in their home environment gives you a truer picture..

don't base it on one meeting either.. maybe become "friends" with the dude and go pop round his house often or go out with him.. you'll get a better sense of who he is and what he's like..

there's about a million threads on questions.. but thats more relevant to your sis.. you dunno what she wants in a husband, all you can do is get a general idea of if he's worth her consideration, it's upto her to see for herself ultimately.. but search for the question threads anyway.

:wswrwb:

Just to note though, don't judge him based on his family as he may be different to them. Perhaps as a slight base, but they might be cultural and him Deeni on the other hand etc.

Erm, get to know his character is a good one... Perhaps take him out to a restaurant for dinner as well just to see how he acts and interacts with others.

[GuCcI]

be the "older brother" type brother even though your're not :up:

[sis_sarah]

be the "older brother" type brother even though your're not :up:

no no no
omg tht would be a re-enactment of my bro and trust me u dnt wanna do tht
my bro's younger than me and so protective that it gets really annoying, so dnt do it, trust me.

[GuCcI]

no no no
omg tht would be a re-enactment of my bro and trust me u dnt wanna do tht
my bro's younger than me and so protective that it gets really annoying, so dnt do it, trust me.

so is my brother but its cute

AND more importantly,

it'll keep mr.prospective in line :up:

[muslimma]

:aku_salam:

A proposal came for my sister :D The brother wants to meet ME first and speak to me. As do my parents. They want me to talk to him and see how his character is. Its funny though, because the brother wants to speak to me as well o.O. Don't ask why, because I don't get it my self! What kind of questions should I ask him to get to know this mans characters. Pretty weird since I'm 2 years younger than my sis and I'm nervous my self lol. But, I really don't know what to say, what should I tell him about my sis and what shouldn't I =\ It sucks because my own sister won't really give me a clear cut answer :S So I'm the one under pressure lOl....Now my sister is like a cultural butterfly, she is very social and knows a lot of people and outgoing. We also differ a little bit deen wise...so don't know I mean, ya I'm confused :S

ask him to tell you about himself that way you could see what he prioritises and thinks is important...;)

and then ust let the convo flow...but ust dont start blushing yourself even if you are a bit nervous...haha :p

[LastFriday]

no no no
omg tht would be a re-enactment of my bro and trust me u dnt wanna do tht
my bro's younger than me and so protective that it gets really annoying, so dnt do it, trust me.

o.O Why not?? I do that right now and always have. And she doesn't mind! Actually she takes advantage of it :smack: and makes me go out and buy groceries and stuff! It gets annoying to ME!

ask him to tell you about himself that way you could see what he prioritises and thinks is important...;)

and then ust let the convo flow...but ust dont start blushing yourself even if you are a bit nervous...haha :p

Ok, the meeting happened and BOY WAS IT AWKWARD! We talked about our selves for like 45 minutes when finally getting down to business lol. and It was weird, because my sister, though she is religious she is also very socially and culturally active...if you know what I mean. She does the things that a normal desi girl would do I suppose. She is a full time hijabi but also very outgoing and fashoni if you can say so! We are sort of different to be honest. She and my mom love watching stupid indian Soap Operas and other stupid cultural crap...so it was kind of hard for me to explain what kind of a spouse she's looking for :smack:

[Deeds]

:salams

Did you find they had a similar out-look in life?

Maybe same interests?

[Wolfn]

:aku_salam:

A proposal came for my sister :D The brother wants to meet ME first and speak to me. As do my parents. They want me to talk to him and see how his character is. Its funny though, because the brother wants to speak to me as well o.O. Don't ask why, because I don't get it my self! What kind of questions should I ask him to get to know this mans characters. Pretty weird since I'm 2 years younger than my sis and I'm nervous my self lol. But, I really don't know what to say, what should I tell him about my sis and what shouldn't I =\ It sucks because my own sister won't really give me a clear cut answer :S So I'm the one under pressure lOl....Now my sister is like a cultural butterfly, she is very social and knows a lot of people and outgoing. We also differ a little bit deen wise...so don't know I mean, ya I'm confused :S





You go up to him, yank his collar so his face is next to yours, and whisper "you hurt my sister and I will hurt you in ways that will make you useless to a woman"






That line was from Sin City.

[Treasured Soul]

I know you've had the meeting .. but just some general thoughts for future meetings or perhaps second meeting ...

well bro ... we are what we are ... not all of us are perfect and we cant expect perfection from others ... i'm just generally speaking.

The best thing to do is ask the bro to behonest and your honest in return. Theres no need to unite two ppl that are not compatible ... it will save alot of heart ache in the end.

I wouldnt point out my sis flaws but if he says something like 'I want my wife to stay at home and observe pardah all the time' ... well then you need to think, will my sis be able to live such a life? Cuz she is socially active as you have mentioned it.

So rather than worring about 'hiding' flaws ... look for compatibility ... flaws/no flaws ... see what they have in common, what they dont ... and which are potential hazards :o

But as you practice it will become easier with time :)

[GAL-actic]

You go up to him, yank his collar so his face is next to yours, and whisper "you hurt my sister and I will hurt you in ways that will make you useless to a woman"






That line was from Sin City.

Oh yeah ofcourse lol :smack:





So what happened? any updates?

[PiElle2]

ask him what he did/eat for the last week and his plans for the following week you'll generally know what sort of guy he is... LOL

well... he's gonna be your BIL...