View Full Version : A question for the happily married couples...
Salam,
This question is being asked of practising Muslim couples. This question is NOT about serious matters in which one or both spouses commit some serious haraam. My question is: how do you deal with each other's little niggly annoying habits? I'll list some examples of things that would annoy me about a spouse even if he were pious and decent and would like to find some answers as to how other couples learn to live with stuff like:
- What if he passes gas in bed?:rubeyes:
- What if he never puts a plate under his sandwiches and therefore leaves crumbs scattered all over the place?
- What if I have my hands full with kids/chores and call him to bring a pint of milk on his way home but he consistently forgets so I often start the day without my much needed cuppa:torture:
- I don't want to become a nagging, pestering wife, but what do I do if I politely advise my (hyperthetical) husband about these things and he ignores my advice?
- What if he passes gas in bed?:rubeyes:
You joke about it :up:
- What if he never puts a plate under his sandwiches and therefore leaves crumbs scattered all over the place?
You mock his lack of hygiene and tell him to clean up after his mess. Joke he'll need to wash his hands before he comes anywhere near you
What if I have my hands full with kids/chores and call him to bring a pint of milk on his way home but he consistently forgets so I often start the day without my much needed cuppa:torture:
You shout at him, and give him a few days with the kids so he knows how you feel.:D
I don't want to become a nagging, pestering wife, but what do I do if I politely advise my (hyperthetical) husband about these things and he ignores my advice?
It's okay to get mad, especially if he annoys you. But you two will eventually work the communication out. There has to be consideration from him, and respect too. Make sure you marry such a man in the first place.
I once heard of a couple who divorced cos the wife couldnt stand the fact that he left crumbs in the margerine tub
Wen u love somebody u learn to overlook the small little things, plus im sure ur hubby will try his best to please u!If not- just get the rolling pin out and invest in a good gas mask :up:
LastFriday
12-02-08, 07:32 PM
You joke about it :up:
You mock his lack of hygiene and tell him to clean up after his mess. Joke he'll need to wash his hands before he comes anywhere near you
You shout at him, and give him a few days with the kids so he knows how you feel.:D
It's okay to get mad, especially if he annoys you. But you two will eventually work the communication out. There has to be consideration from him, and respect too. Make sure you marry such a man in the first place.
You're married?
Le Croyant
12-02-08, 07:51 PM
fartin & burpin is something both spouses vl have to get over..
it's like ur baby poo... baby poo is yuck but ur baby poo is ok.
don't nag him over small things, if the plate is big issue for u keep the sandwich in the plate for him, if he doesn't listen.. i say talk to him, if he still doesn't then forget abt it... it's worth naggin over.
abt him forgettin to get milk, i do forget to get some stuff at times but even she forgets to put something on the list at times, for which i have to go back to the store. Infact, every woman in family suffer frm this, as soon we come back frm the store...send us back for 1 more thing.
in other words, we all have shortcomings.
Metroid
12-02-08, 11:33 PM
- What if he passes gas in bed?:rubeyes:
that should not be a problem. If he farts in bed, next time do the same as well. it will be amusing:)
You're married?
lol no, but hes a smart cookie mashallah :p
Salam,
This question is being asked of practising Muslim couples. This question is NOT about serious matters in which one or both spouses commit some serious haraam. My question is: how do you deal with each other's little niggly annoying habits? I'll list some examples of things that would annoy me about a spouse even if he were pious and decent and would like to find some answers as to how other couples learn to live with stuff like:
- What if he passes gas in bed?:rubeyes:
- What if he never puts a plate under his sandwiches and therefore leaves crumbs scattered all over the place?
- What if I have my hands full with kids/chores and call him to bring a pint of milk on his way home but he consistently forgets so I often start the day without my much needed cuppa:torture:
- I don't want to become a nagging, pestering wife, but what do I do if I politely advise my (hyperthetical) husband about these things and he ignores my advice?
:wswrwb:
we all have habits, and its cool being married and u see what each others habits are, just see them as sweet, or if theyre a bit annoying just think to yourself about the good in him, and turn it around ... aww Allah bless him, he left his crumbs again after he made his own sandwhich, what a good man to make his own sarnies, i`ll tidy it up for him cos hes been out working hard all day masha Allah.. and keep some coffee whitener in the cupboard for emergencies when u run out of milk ;)
seriously its no big deal so what he leaves his clothes on the floor, or hes a bit messy, as long as hes doing his duties as a husband, whats a few crumbs between husband and his wife.
:wswrwb:
we all have habits, and its cool being married and u see what each others habits are, just see them as sweet, or if theyre a bit annoying just think to yourself about the good in him, and turn it around ... aww Allah bless him, he left his crumbs again after he made his own sandwhich, what a good man to make his own sarnies, i`ll tidy it up for him cos hes been out working hard all day masha Allah.. and keep some coffee whitener in the cupboard for emergencies when u run out of milk ;)
seriously its no big deal so what he leaves his clothes on the floor, or hes a bit messy, as long as hes doing his duties as a husband, whats a few crumbs between husband and his wife.
wow mashallah sis if only all of us could turn the situation around like that.
i can see myself just constantly yelling and nagging. the thought of seeing the good and turning it around would never occur to me :( im gona be a bad wife :o
:wswrwb:
we all have habits, and its cool being married and u see what each others habits are, just see them as sweet, or if theyre a bit annoying just think to yourself about the good in him, and turn it around ... aww Allah bless him, he left his crumbs again after he made his own sandwhich, what a good man to make his own sarnies, i`ll tidy it up for him cos hes been out working hard all day masha Allah.. and keep some coffee whitener in the cupboard for emergencies when u run out of milk ;)
seriously its no big deal so what he leaves his clothes on the floor, or hes a bit messy, as long as hes doing his duties as a husband, whats a few crumbs between husband and his wife.
so romantic sis :inlove:
Saudi Prince
13-02-08, 12:31 AM
:wswrwb:
we all have habits, and its cool being married and u see what each others habits are, just see them as sweet, or if theyre a bit annoying just think to yourself about the good in him, and turn it around ... aww Allah bless him, he left his crumbs again after he made his own sandwhich, what a good man to make his own sarnies, i`ll tidy it up for him cos hes been out working hard all day masha Allah.. and keep some coffee whitener in the cupboard for emergencies when u run out of milk ;)
seriously its no big deal so what he leaves his clothes on the floor, or hes a bit messy, as long as hes doing his duties as a husband, whats a few crumbs between husband and his wife.
How about if he smells. What would you do? ;) Maybe think..well he smells but he doesn't stink. :)
RashidD
13-02-08, 12:47 AM
Think to yourself that if he dies before you, you'll probably look at the crumbs and miss him. It's at that point where i think you'd find the true feelings come out.
Think that at least he brought some of the stuff from the store. Some husbands don't even do that.
Many women have this idea that they've been slaving away at home to look after kids and cook. How much do you think he slaves to put the food which you just cook, onto your plate? Don't you think these things worry (some) men?
Khuram_2k?
13-02-08, 03:45 AM
:wswrwb:
we all have habits, and its cool being married and u see what each others habits are, just see them as sweet, or if theyre a bit annoying just think to yourself about the good in him, and turn it around ... aww Allah bless him, he left his crumbs again after he made his own sandwhich, what a good man to make his own sarnies, i`ll tidy it up for him cos hes been out working hard all day masha Allah.. and keep some coffee whitener in the cupboard for emergencies when u run out of milk ;)
seriously its no big deal so what he leaves his clothes on the floor, or hes a bit messy, as long as hes doing his duties as a husband, whats a few crumbs between husband and his wife.
what if he's sat at home claiming benefits and not working while doing the above? im sure that would make your blood boil.
LastFriday
13-02-08, 06:27 AM
:wswrwb:
we all have habits, and its cool being married and u see what each others habits are, just see them as sweet, or if theyre a bit annoying just think to yourself about the good in him, and turn it around ... aww Allah bless him, he left his crumbs again after he made his own sandwhich, what a good man to make his own sarnies, i`ll tidy it up for him cos hes been out working hard all day masha Allah.. and keep some coffee whitener in the cupboard for emergencies when u run out of milk ;)
seriously its no big deal so what he leaves his clothes on the floor, or hes a bit messy, as long as hes doing his duties as a husband, whats a few crumbs between husband and his wife.
WOW! Masha'Allah very well said! Guys have too much stuff to do to begin with. Can't be nagged and bothered about little things like that. Sure we'll try our best but....cmon! A mans a man. You gotta live with it. If you wanted everything, shoulda married a woman, but we know thats just wrong and not allowed!
What if he has a sleep disorder which means that he shouts swear words in his sleep? Is ****ing **** you ****er endearing?
:rotfl: that is messed up on so many levels!
How about if he smells. What would you do? ;) Maybe think..well he smells but he doesn't stink. :) just run him a hot bath..muslims are clean anyway masha Allah :up:
Think to yourself that if he dies before you, you'll probably look at the crumbs and miss him. It's at that point where i think you'd find the true feelings come out.
Think that at least he brought some of the stuff from the store. Some husbands don't even do that.
Many women have this idea that they've been slaving away at home to look after kids and cook. How much do you think he slaves to put the food which you just cook, onto your plate? Don't you think these things worry (some) men?
absolutely :jkk: amin, i am so glad i am not a brother alhamdulillah, the responsability they have is just sooo much towards their wives, its a huge burden for brothers to make sure they are fulfilling the rights of their wives and children, especially living in the western world having to put up with all the pressures of work, avoiding freemixing, and if u live in an area with few muslims it must be so depressing having to listen to all the talk that goes on at work about what they did on the weekend, politely declining to attend the christmas and office parties, the friday night get togethers down the pub, the "cake" day when its your birthday and everyone expects u to bring cake in etc. audu billah what a headache. last thing he needs when he gets back from all that is to be bombarded with how did he forgot the milk, and why did he leave crumbs on the counter, a muslims home should be a safe haven from the outside world, its not easy being a man.
what if he's sat at home claiming benefits and not working while doing the above? im sure that would make your blood boil.
if he couldnt be bothered to work,and wasnt looking then yes it would, but if it was a genuine case of complete necessity because he had done all he could to find work, then thats different.
icarrim
15-02-08, 10:42 AM
These are problems encountered with him.With somebody else surely there will be other types of problems : perhaps worse or perhaps more tolerable. One may never know. These are the imponderables of marriage.
Any marriage to survive requires compromise for the interest of all.
Cartman
15-02-08, 10:45 AM
if i fart in bed, i expect her to take it in
GAL-actic
15-02-08, 10:50 AM
You're married?
I was gonna ask the same lol
that should not be a problem. If he farts in bed, next time do the same as well. it will be amusing:)
:wacko::rotfl:
wow mashallah sis if only all of us could turn the situation around like that.
i can see myself just constantly yelling and nagging. the thought of seeing the good and turning it around would never occur to me :( im gona be a bad wife :o
Haha lol...No you won't insha'Allah.
mashcaster
15-02-08, 10:52 AM
Salam,
This question is being asked of practising Muslim couples. This question is NOT about serious matters in which one or both spouses commit some serious haraam. My question is: how do you deal with each other's little niggly annoying habits? I'll list some examples of things that would annoy me about a spouse even if he were pious and decent and would like to find some answers as to how other couples learn to live with stuff like:
- What if he passes gas in bed?:rubeyes:
- What if he never puts a plate under his sandwiches and therefore leaves crumbs scattered all over the place?
- What if I have my hands full with kids/chores and call him to bring a pint of milk on his way home but he consistently forgets so I often start the day without my much needed cuppa:torture:
- I don't want to become a nagging, pestering wife, but what do I do if I politely advise my (hyperthetical) husband about these things and he ignores my advice?
Something is wrong with this view! Seriously wrong. 2 secrets to a happy marriage are:
1. Change yourself, don't expect your other half to change.
2. Don't expect anything in return, but give everything.
Ideally both husband and wife should be like that. If it is a one way thing, then it becomes a little difficult but can still work.
There are more secrets, but I think I will keep them to myself for now.
THE PATH 2
15-02-08, 10:54 AM
the worst thing a woman can do is nag and the classic is to change the man into an obedient boy
a married couple need at least 10 years to bond and get to know each other
the man also needs to develop and be disciplined ..this takes time
mummys boys make the worst husbands:D
real men should be prepared for marriage before marriage
but its still a learning curve..even the 2nd time:D
Salam,
This question is being asked of practising Muslim couples. This question is NOT about serious matters in which one or both spouses commit some serious haraam. My question is: how do you deal with each other's little niggly annoying habits? I'll list some examples of things that would annoy me about a spouse even if he were pious and decent and would like to find some answers as to how other couples learn to live with stuff like:
- What if he passes gas in bed?:rubeyes:
- What if he never puts a plate under his sandwiches and therefore leaves crumbs scattered all over the place?
- What if I have my hands full with kids/chores and call him to bring a pint of milk on his way home but he consistently forgets so I often start the day without my much needed cuppa:torture:
- I don't want to become a nagging, pestering wife, but what do I do if I politely advise my (hyperthetical) husband about these things and he ignores my advice?
Sis the Husband can also come up with complaints similar, the point to note is that we aught to Overlook minor stuff ...
If he Deliberately does the Above stuff then you have some serious issues ...
If he Ignores your advice then he doesn't care about your Opinion, thats a serious issue ... you need to try and get the message across to him, but if he he doesn't care at all then there is something wrong with him, as he Deliberately wishes to remain careless ...
:jkk:
Everyone has annoying habits. Just depends on how much you can deal with it and overlook it I suppose.
Unwillingness to change is usually seen as thinking little of the other person or that they are of no value/worth to you. But sometimes its not that at all - sometimes they just find it hard to get rid of their habits. Its something best seen through rather than expecting an overnight change.
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