Shaadi = Barbaadi

[Fitnah Bolice]

:salams:


The thread title has absolutely no bearing on the content of this post, it was just to reel you in.:D

I seek some advice, if I marry a girl from the UK and that’s a big IF, then I only see myself marrying a certain type of girl, a girl who fears Allah (swt) sincerely and secondly would be devoutly obedient to her husband; she should also have no interest in working and would be actively seeking knowledge of the deen. Now from my experiences this type of girl is usually within the confines of her home or when she is out, only out with family/mahrams.

My question is how one finds such a girl who fits the criteria as there is no real chance of actually ever coming across/interacting with such a potential.

Any suggestions?

[THE PATH 2]

if you behave and act upon shariah the way you expect youre future spouse to then inshaallah allah will make ways

[Ibn Khattab]

Check out yellow pages Inshallah.

Or Yell.com

[bint]

Ibn k :rolleyes:

[GuCcI]

ask aunties :fairy:

[LastFriday]

ask aunties :fairy:

SO it is OK for him to approach Aunties but not potentials?

[muhammed_1428]

Enquire with family, enquire with friends, enquire at the masjid.

Muslimahs who don't choose to work and are 'obedient' (wrong word to use in my opinion, obedience is only for Allah SWT and the wife respects her husband to fulfil that obedience to Allah SWT) to their husbands do actually exist contrary to popular belief...

I think you should advertise yourself - try a marriage site - IMO the means are halal depending on the site you choose and the way its done (e.g. you don't talk to them on msn or anything and only have contact through them or their mahram Insha'allah)

[GuCcI]

SO it is OK for him to approach Aunties but not potentials?

thats not wat i meant. he should ask his mom to tell the aunties so they might know a girl like that. duhhh :rolleyes:

[$HugoBoss$]

..........

[Fitnah Bolice]

Check out yellow pages Inshallah.

Or Yell.com

Thankyou for your input, I'll keep those in mind incase things get real bad :rolleyes:

[PiElle2]

how about a sister who might be working now, but if you can support her, she'll give up her job and stay home for you...? is that acceptable by you?

[Learning_Islam]

:hidban:what about a girl who works and is practising why stop her from working, maybe if u worked they would see you at work and would ask someone for your details and get her parents to call yours.:hidban:

Do you work?

[Fitnah Bolice]

how about a sister who might be working now, but if you can support her, she'll give up her job and stay home for you...? is that acceptable by you?

Of course that suggestion is acceptable.

I guess it's near enough impossible to come accross someone who doesn't work and knows full well that it is the responsibilty of an unmarried girls father to provide for her financially so that she wouldn't need to work to support herself, that would be the most ideal case.

[muslimma]

Check out yellow pages Inshallah.

Or Yell.com

haha :rotfl:

[PiElle2]

Of course that suggestion is acceptable.

I guess it's near enough impossible to come accross someone who doesn't work and knows full well that it is the responsibilty of an unmarried girls father to provide for her financially so that she wouldn't need to work to support herself, that would be the most ideal case.

trying to get a man to be fully aware of their responsibilties towards his wife or family is indeed really near impossible... lest find one... :)

[Fitnah Bolice]

I guess nobody is perfect.

Everybody is aware of their responsibilities, it's just most are not aware of the others rights, we tend to just find out abour our own rights and neglect the rights of the other. If both man and woman concentrated on the others' rights there's more chance of peace & harmony in the marriage.

[Raziel]

:salams:


The thread title has absolutely no bearing on the content of this post, it was just to reel you in.:D

I seek some advice, if I marry a girl from the UK and that’s a big IF, then I only see myself marrying a certain type of girl, a girl who fears Allah (swt) sincerely and secondly would be devoutly obedient to her husband; she should also have no interest in working and would be actively seeking knowledge of the deen. Now from my experiences this type of girl is usually within the confines of her home or when she is out, only out with family/mahrams.

My question is how one finds such a girl who fits the criteria as there is no real chance of actually ever coming across/interacting with such a potential.

Any suggestions?

:salams akhi ...

firstly you are not supposed to Interact with the sister anyway ...

you aught to ask your Wali to speak to the sisters wali to look for a Wife you ..

Insha'allah he/she will find someone suitable, make sure you mention your expectations ... You don't want to end up with someone who does the Opposite of what you stated ...

lastly by no means least ask Allah Ta'ala to grant you a Pious Muttaqeen Spouse in whom Allah Subhanahu-Wata'ala is well pleased with ...

:alhumdull My wife wanted to work to help with the Income, I told her that she doesn't have to, thats the Husbands Responsibility as stated in the Furqan, and she stopped immediately ...

:jkk:

[Medievalist]

FB: go to your Ulama and ask them. At one point I was considering getting married from here and went to a Qaree in our locality. They referred me to another Mawlana who they know has a lot of girls on his marriage register so to speak, in the end decided against it and got married back home.

In short - contact your Ulama :up:

[Fitnah Bolice]

FB: go to your Ulama and ask them. At one point I was considering getting married from here and went to a Qaree in our locality. They referred me to another Mawlana who they know has a lot of girls on his marriage register so to speak, in the end decided against it and got married back home.

In short - contact your Ulama :up:


:salams:

I'm so in 2 minds akhi about whether I want to marry from here or back home.

I want the best of both worlds, a girl from here but with the stay at home mentality.

does such a girl even exist? Maybe a Salafi sister :outta:

[PiElle2]

I guess nobody is perfect.

Everybody is aware of their responsibilities, it's just most are not aware of the others rights, we tend to just find out abour our own rights and neglect the rights of the other. If both man and woman concentrated on the others' rights there's more chance of peace & harmony in the marriage.


it's not a guess... it's a fact - nobody is perfect!

you are right to say most are not aware of the other's rights, or do not care about the other's rights... it kind of make it obvious that they themselves are not aware of their own rights to begin with.

And not everyone is aware of their responsibilites too!!!

we all need to have the ever going forth wanting to learn and be better person attitude in order for ourselves to improve, and with our own improvement, we help others to improve.

I can across this line this morning from a book... " Before you can become a great leader to others, you first must understand yourself."

:)

[Dain Bramaged]

You will be very lucky if you find a girl like you described, seeing as its UK and all. Girls from the UK usually expect to go out every now and then and some of them want to earn. But I wish you good luck on your conquest :up:

[Medievalist]

:salams:

I'm so in 2 minds akhi about whether I want to marry from here or back home.

I want the best of both worlds, a girl from here but with the stay at home mentality.

does such a girl even exist? Maybe a Salafi sister :outta:

:wswrwb:

gud luck to ya bro but if they do exist then they very rare. You'll get gud gyals here but even they wont listen to you the way a back home one wud imo.

[bint]

Oh man, such backward minds. Maybe theres sommat wrong with the guy?

[Ebony]

Well if you want a puppet who is braindead and only knows how to cook and lay still you'll find a pleeeeeeenty of them backhome.

[Umm 'Umarah]

The only way you'll find a girl like that is through family and community contacts. Doesn't really matter if she is from over here or from back home, a good wife is the one respects her husbands wishes, who understands her role and respects your wishes. If your decisions (for her not to work etc) are justifyable islamically then she should comply with them ultimately for the sake of her deen and pleasing Allah Subhanahu wa Ta'ala. Whoever you're looking into marrying make sure you lay down the conditions and make things clear beforehand, if she doesn't like it then she isn't suitable.

just because back home girls know how to run a family and cook doesn't mean they are 'braindead'. fulfilling the rights of your husband and helping others doesn't mean you're braindead. Most back home girls know how to run a family and they attempt at cooking (even if they're not 100% at it) and generally keep the basic needs of the husband and the family and husband in order, having a wife who can maintain a house and keep the peace makes a huge difference to man's life and his standard of living. It should be every woman's disposition to be this way. no point demanding your rights when you're oblivious to fulfilling the rights of others.

[~Warda~]

The only way you'll find a girl like that is through family and community contacts. Doesn't really matter if she is from over here or from back home, a good wife is the one respects her husbands wishes, who understands her role and respects your wishes. If your decisions (for her not to work etc) are justifyable islamically then she should comply with them ultimately for the sake of her deen and pleasing Allah Subhanahu wa Ta'ala. Whoever you're looking into marrying make sure you lay down the conditions and make things clear beforehand, if she doesn't like it then she isn't suitable.

just because back home girls know how to run a family and cook doesn't mean they are 'braindead'. fulfilling the rights of your husband and helping others doesn't mean you're braindead. Most back home girls know how to run a family and they attempt at cooking (even if they're not 100% at it) and generally keep the basic needs of the husband and the family and husband in order, having a wife who can maintain a house and keep the peace makes a huge difference to man's life and his standard of living. It should be every woman's disposition to be this way. no point demanding your rights when you're oblivious to fulfilling the rights of others.

Masha-Allah, excellent post sis.:up:

[Medievalist]

Oh man, such backward minds. Maybe theres sommat wrong with the guy?

no. Fitnah Bolice sounds like a lovely brother :coolbro:

Umm Umarah:

TOP post mashaALLAH. :up:

[Ebony]

We'll see how many will be agreeing with the post when the men all disappear "back home" to marry whilst they turn into old spinsters and have to end up marrying some dude who's in his 40's with 5 kids.

[Umm 'Umarah]

We'll see how many will be agreeing with the post when the men all disappear "back home" to marry whilst they turn into old spinsters and have to end up marrying some dude who's in his 40's with 5 kids.

I don't think that happens.

This is a bit personal, but speaking from personal experience I have two sister in-laws, one from back home the other from UK, the difference between them is like night and day. ran out of making excuses for the UK one, her attitude is unbearably appalling.

[Fitnah Bolice]

Oh man, such backward minds. Maybe theres sommat wrong with the guy?

Yes, if having gheeerah for one's wife/sister/mother means having 'backward minds' then I fit that category very well. If not wanting the wife to work and for her to spend her time learning the deen while her rights will be fulfilled Insha'Allah, then yes I'm backward minded.

[Fitnah Bolice]

We'll see how many will be agreeing with the post when the men all disappear "back home" to marry whilst they turn into old spinsters and have to end up marrying some dude who's in his 40's with 5 kids.

Well, if the girls from here got their priorities straight and changed their attitudes, they won't be left with the 40 year olds.

[bint]

Yes, if having gheeerah for one's wife/sister/mother means having 'backward minds' then I fit that category very well. If not wanting the wife to work and for her to spend her time learning the deen while her rights will be fulfilled Insha'Allah, then yes I'm backward minded.
Hang on a minute where did Gheerah come from?

I just hate this stereotypical attitude.

Backhome girls are angels
British girls are the opposite.

Well I'll tell you guys something, Marrying a back home girl with the attitude that she will obey your every command is such a hopeless hope. Because give it 5 years and she will shove everything right back at ya face. Not all back home girls are like that so I am not generalising.:up:
Some british girls KNOW how to obey and respect a spouse. I don't see any of my brothers complaining mashaAllah.

I'm tired of explaining. People should stop generalising. Give people a chance.

[Dain Bramaged]

Back home gals dont understand the meaning of love.

[Umm 'Umarah]

Hang on a minute where did Gheerah come from?

I just hate this stereotypical attitude.

Backhome girls are angels
British girls are the opposite.

Well I'll tell you guys something, Marrying a back home girl with the attitude that she will obey your every command is such a hopeless hope. Because give it 5 years and she will shove everything right back at ya face. Not all back home girls are like that so I am not generalising.:up:
Some british girls KNOW how to obey and respect a spouse. I don't see any of my brothers complaining mashaAllah.

I'm tired of explaining. People should stop generalising. Give people a chance.

sis totally understand what you're saying and you're right. You can't vouch for all. but it's really nasty to say back home girls are braindead and know how to cook and lay still. They might not all be angels but majority of back home girls make good housewives and so can brit girls too Insha'Allah.

Rather than get on the defensive and make derogatory comments about our back home sisters, we should be better than them and show that we are not the stereotypical brit girls we're made out to be.

[bint]

sis totally understand what you're saying and you're right. You can't vouch for all. but it's really nasty to say back home girls are braindead and know how to cook and lay still. They might not all be angels but majority of back home girls make good housewives and so can brit girls too Insha'Allah.

Rather than get on the defensive and make derogatory comments about our back home sisters, we should be better than them and show that we are not the stereotypical brit girls we're made out to be.


What derogatory comments have I made sister?

It's the dreaded truth.
I did say no generalisation.

[Umm 'Umarah]

What derogatory comments have I made sister?

It's the dreaded truth.
I did say no generalisation.

not you, the comment made about back home sisters being braindead etc.

[The Deen]

Some people are saying backhome girls are good - generalising for all
and some are saying the sisters here are just not good - genearalising for all here too

Wherever you go you'll find a whole 'outward appearance' of the group, but within that, you can find some really outstanding people masha'Allah.

[bint]

not you, the comment made about back home sisters being braindead etc.
COOL!:up::D

[Medievalist]

y is it wenever there's trouble dustbint is in the vicinity :asta: :outta:

[RashidD]

Well if you want a puppet who is braindead and only knows how to cook and lay still you'll find a pleeeeeeenty of them backhome.

Disgusting comment. You should retract that about your sisters in Islam.

[bint]

y is it wenever there's trouble dustbint is in the vicinity :asta: :outta:
Dustbint is there to make things right i.e. the crap people post on here :D

[Ebony]

Well, if the girls from here got their priorities straight and changed their attitudes, they won't be left with the 40 year olds.

The dudes here aren't a hot catch either :rolleyes:

[Ebony]

Disgusting comment. You should retract that about your sisters in Islam.


Nothing to retract. You should thicken your skin a bit.

[MMS]

i dont know what 'back home' you guys are talking about, but the back home i know, damn can those gyals chat it :rubeyes:

even the elder generation are getting to know that the guys and girls born and bred in the west are way to naive to understand the guys and girls from back home, them bud bud dings dings are proper manipulative :eek:
(well the ones i know anyway)

[~Warda~]

Well if you want a puppet who is braindead and only knows how to cook and lay still you'll find a pleeeeeeenty of them backhome.

Sister, please remember they are our sisters in Islam, no matter where they are from. I agree that theres too much generalisation about we 'british girls', but thats still no reason talk about our sisters like that.:o

And to all who think thats sisters back home are more 'obedient', while the ones here won't lisen to her husband etc etc...thats a baseless generalisation. You get good and bad everywhere. If she's a good muslimah, then insha-Allah she'll obey her husband, no matter where she's from, because a muslimah's ultimate goal is to please Allah.

[ImaanSeeker]

Stereotypically speaking, I think there are pros and cons to both back-home sisters as well as the sisters in the West. Just as there are pros and cons to brothers in both those areas, as well.

The sisters back home can be generalized to be a bit more homely which is what many brothers look for, while the sisters over here are MashaAllah practicing Islam in much more difficult circumstances than back home which is to their credit.

But at the end of the day, a good Allah-fearing muslimah is a good Allah-fearing muslimah wherever they may be located.

[Fitnah Bolice]

Nothing to retract. You should thicken your skin a bit.

sounds like an inferiority complex.

[RashidD]

Nothing to retract. You should thicken your skin a bit.

I'm not even Pakistani and i found it offensive. As people have said, they are your sisters in Islam. Sisters on here get mad or upset when brothers generalise about them (i.e. british sisters) and then hit out at the "back home" ones. C'mon, that's not really fair is it?

[(*_Hamzah]

I'm not even Pakistani and i found it offensive. As people have said, they are your sisters in Islam. Sisters on here get mad or upset when brothers generalise about them (i.e. british sisters) and then hit out at the "back home" ones. C'mon, that's not really fair is it?

I agree there was no need to tarnish the sisters in foreign countries like that, just because they don’t have their dose of western enlighten doesn’t degrade them as lesser because they fulfil the basic better then ‘they’ can.

Sometimes the gap between us, and our parents motherland is such we live in the same world but are worlds apart, I can tell you from the brothers, who I envy because they have good marriages. Their wives miss their country (Pakistan etc..) its not every women dream to move thousand of miles away and live in another country away from her family takes allot of adjustment, I wonder how many of us could last 2 months in our country of origin without complaining .

And the last point there is plenty of blessing if you marry a girl from back home and bring her out of poverty , and the same for the sisters with Fresh new husbands :o

[Fitnah Bolice]

And the last point there is plenty of blessing if you marry a girl from back home and bring her out of poverty :o


Masha'Allah, I agree with this :up:

[insomniac]

Nothing to retract. You should thicken your skin a bit.

Ouch sis :(

If you read this thread here http://www.ummah.com/forum/showthread.php?t=150240, you'll find that most women here wouldn't be able to cope under such situations and would run a mile.

SubhanAllaah our sisters no matter where they're from are our sisters :)

[Cherish83]

Stereotypically speaking, I think there are pros and cons to both back-home sisters as well as the sisters in the West. Just as there are pros and cons to brothers in both those areas, as well.

The sisters back home can be generalized to be a bit more homely which is what many brothers look for, while the sisters over here are MashaAllah practicing Islam in much more difficult circumstances than back home which is to their credit.

But at the end of the day, a good Allah-fearing muslimah is a good Allah-fearing muslimah wherever they may be located.

I agree with you.
Why does it matter where the girl is from, as long as she is god fearing and practises to the best of her ability.

My sister (married a guy who was from India but moved over to America.. she grew up in the UK, yet she seems to be more 'obedient' and practices than the her sisters' in law - who are from back home. So, how can you judge a girl purely on the basis from the country she was brought up in.

[RashidD]

I agree with you.
Why does it matter where the girl is from, as long as she is god fearing and practises to the best of her ability.

My sister (married a guy who was from India but moved over to America.. she grew up in the UK, yet she seems to be more 'obedient' and practices than the her sisters' in law - who are from back home. So, how can you judge a girl purely on the basis from the country she was brought up in.

I don't think anyone's judging purely on that... Just that it may be a factor.

[(*_Hamzah]

Masha'Allah, I agree with this :up:

Thank you, what I would say is judge the sister as an individual and on her merit alone, and don’t compare her to others in ways, in which you think you can get a better deal if you shop somewhere else.

[$HugoBoss$]

Thank you, what I would say is judge the sister as an individual and on her merit alone, and don’t compare her to others in ways, in which you think you can get a better deal if you shop somewhere else.

Yeah but shopping is fun dude :up:

[(*_Hamzah]

Yeah but shopping is fun dude :up:

Hugo, what is the name of the desi meat market you go to?

[$HugoBoss$]

Hugo, what is the name of the desi meat market you go to?

Al Meezan :coolbro: