Son Refuses To Remove Kufi @ Public School

[Hijabi_Solja]

Assalamu ‘alaikum wa rahmatullahi wa barakatuh,

In the past few months my 10 year old son has become very concerned with his deen Alhamdulillah. It really started this past November when I was ill and having pain, he would sit with me at night and recite Hadiths to me (typing this makes me want to cry- Im such a girl :o ) it was so sweet, Since then, he recited the Shahada, Alhamdulillah, (on December 15th :inlove:) and he is very adamant about learning all that he can. He insisted on taking the book 'Islam in Focus' to school and reads it during free time. I was a bit cautious about it at first, but allowed him to do so. We live in a small community, but it is no secret that we are Muslim, so him taking the book to school has not been a big deal and no one has mentioned it.
However, a few weeks ago he started to wear his Kufi to school. At first he would take it off when entering the building because there is a "no hat or cap policy", but then he read that we should distinguish ourselves as Muslims and has since refused to take it off. The first incident happened as he was walking into the building with the other children. The teacher was reminding all of them to remove their stocking caps and then pointed to my son and told him the same. Wallahi, My son then replied that "we live in a free country and he is expressing his Freedom of Religion" so he doesnt have to take it off. lol, no doubt something he has heard from an adult conversation, but he remembered it and took it to heart. The teacher called me later and was very polite asking questions and what not, I answered him the best that I could, and referred him to the closest Imam (in the next town) if he had any other questions. It seemed to go very well and my son was allowed to wear it in class. Once the School Principal spotted him wearing it I received a second phone call that wasn't as productive. She appeared very irritated and told me that it was against school policy for him to wear a 'hat' in school and told me that if he was going to continue to wear it then I would need to bring in a note from our, and I quote "church, temple, or synagogue" :rubeyes: At this time I became a bit fired up and corrected her "it's called a Mosque, not that hard to pronounce its ok you can say it, why dont you try" :o The conversation went down hill from there, Astaghfirullah and ended badly,I have been in a constant battle ever since.
Im not really sure how to handle this, I told my son to take it off at school for the time being until we can come to an agreement with them. Well this past Friday, I get another phone call from the Principal at 8am. My son was in her office and refused to take off his Kufi. I wasnt in the best of moods, nor was I feeling very well, as she went on to remind me of 'the note' so I snapped at her that the only thing she needed to read was the Bill of Rights and being a school Principal she could find a copy of them quite easily. She wouldnt allow my son to go back to class unless he took it off, so I went to the school and signed him out and took his little mujahid self home. I have since tried to contact the district administrator, but no calls back.
Brothers and Sisters, I need your advice, how do I make this right? I dont want to disrupt my sons education, but at the same time I want to support him. Do I tell him to take it off at school or do I take it as far as I can and stand up to them?

Jazaki Allahu Khair, Nahita

[Qiyas]

:salams Ukhti, are you in Canada by any chance... (I don't know the geographical layout of America and Canada)

[Hijabi_Solja]

Wa Alaikum As Salaam,

No Brother I am in the central part of the U.S. For the time being we live with my parents in a small farming community.

ws

[Qiyas]

Actually, no need to tell me.

There was a lecture I saw yesterday by Aakhi Abdullah Hakim Quick, and he mentioned an organisation called CAIR
Council on American-Islamic Relation (I thought that it was only for Canadians, duh, lol)

They should be able to give you advice :insha:

http://www.cair.com/Contact.aspx

[Aboo Uthmaan]

Mashaa'Allaah, it is heart-warming to hear of a ten year old boy having such an awareness of his religion.

I think though you have to ask yourself if it is a sin not to where a kufi and then you will have your answer. Besides, I feel that there are bigger issues to worry about when attending a non-Islamic school, such as issues of creed.

[Joha]

Simply put - Don't you think your son is making an issue out of nothing. He is 10 years old, and I doubt has much perspective.

His education is far far more important than wearing a hat to distinguish himself from others. Ruining the relationship between the home and the school will ruin his education unless you can find another school near by.

Ignore the point about the bill of rights - this is a school, not a university where you can argue, and succeed. Even if you do manage to threaten them and have your complaint upheld - would it really be worth the resentment from the school (and dare I say it - from the teachers)?

Perhaps you could tell him to distinguish himself as a Muslim through his actions, through his manners - that people should be able to proudly say - there goes a Muslim without him having to wear a hat to show it.

That is what truly distinguishes a Muslim, not a hat. Once he's grown up - studied and learned about Islam, he can resume wearing it.

[abdulwakil]

...

[Wolfn]

I'm mixed on the issue.

On one hand, I think it's great that he's wearing the kufi. I myself started wearing the kufi everywhere around college. Not to mention it's a Sunnah of the Prophet (SAW)

However, the kufi isn't mandatory. Something like the hijab is a more serious matter. The kufi is basically Islamic Extra Credit, and I'm worried CAIR will say this situation is being overreacted by everyone.



Therefore, I feel I shouldn't offer any advice, but I do think it would be great if he was able to wear the kufi.

[dhakiyya]

I think the issue needs to be resolved before he's old enough to grow a beard. What I think you should focus on in the school is that initially he was allowed to wear it by another teacher - its actually greatly unfair both on your son and the teacher who allowed it initially, to be overruled like this, plus its obvious the school does not have clear guidelines in its policy. Ultimately, because the kufi is not compulsory, it may be better for you to compromise if you can't come to an agreement, but the school clearly needs to consider the wider issues in more depth, more particularly with regards to compulsory things in Islam, i.e. hijab and beards. Some boys start growing a beard as young as twelve years old. a lot of schools insist that boys are clean shaven.

The principle did say that if he had a note from the imam he can wear the hat, so why not just get a note from the Imam and hold her to it?

The school I attended (a catholic one) had a rule that all boys must be clean shaven, but allowed Muslim boys (and in theory sikh boys but there weren't any) to have a beard because of religion. If the school has a clear policy about this, that pupils can wear the uniform slightly differently because of religion, it really doesn't cause any problems, so long as all the pupils know the reason why that child is an exception. For example if other boys say Hassan has a beard why can't I, the teacher can say to the boy, well if you convert to Islam and show me your conversion certificate from the mosque, you can grow a beard too. (ditto hijab et al)

[nomoreillusions]

Wow...

I've always been very personally protective of my religious freedoms in the US. Though I admit, I have, at times, picked my battles between something religious I *wanted* to do vs. something religious I was required to do. If it was something I wanted to do, I tried not to make a fuss because G-d told us to abide by the laws of the land in which we live.

It hasn't always been easy, especially when I would get the impression I was being singled out for extra scrutinty simply for being religious.

However rediculous the request is, if the principle has stated she will accept a note from the Mosque, then ask your Imam to provide a note for you. (I would probably be smart-arsed enough to even ask for it to be written in Arabic but probably not the best course of action :o )

Then take it to the school, say "You asked for the note. Here is the note. I expect there will be no further complications regarding my son's religious dress code."

Mostly, don't get angry, cause getting angry makes them win. If you're all torn up and anxious then you're not being calm and trusting G-d. It's amazing to have a child so eager to fulfill all his desires when it comes to religion, and while it is an important lesson to learn that sometimes we do have to compromise what we "want" if it isn't "required", I also like lessons that teach you to stand up for what's right and what you believe, don't let anyone knock you down.

I suppose all I would suggest is to get the note and take it from there. Or move as fast as you can. :o

Good luck!

[imported_MMS]

why are hates banned tho :scratch:

i can sort of understand caps and hoods because you cant see a persons face properly with them but a kufi is quite different :S

isit like a health and safety hazard :p
lol if schools focused as much attention on bullying within schools the world would be a nicer place :coolbro:

[Hijabi_Solja]

Salaam Alaikum everyone, Jazaki Allahu Khair for your replies.

And please forgive me, but I am a newbie to this "Muslim Parenting" thing so even though it may be a no brainer to some, it is one of my many questions. However, one thing at a time LoL.
I know that a Kufi is not obligatory, so this may seem like a frivolous endeavor, but I am also thinking ahead....i.e.like Sister Dhakiyya said "considering wider issues" ..what if it came down to wearing a beard or something like Salaat. If that were the case then my son would step out of class for Dhuhr everyday. As you can imagine the rules and regulations of the school dont cover something like that, but per U.S. law they would have to allow him. Would they then also ask for a note from the Imam reading that Salaat is obligatory five times a day?

Joha...that is just my question, is it "something worth fighting for" or should I wait until a more serious issue comes along? (i.e. Salaat) I have told him that I dont want it to disrupt his education and to remove it while in the building until I can ratify the situation, but he is head strong and while it may not be a big deal to adults, it is something that he feels a strong conviction for. How do I as a parent say "I know that this is important to you now, but maybe you should give up until you are older when it will really mean something"
And though I see your point, when does the time come to start teaching him about the courage of conviction? and to which 'battles' do I apply it?
So far the teachers have been supportive of his choice, they are very polite to us and they treat my son very well by including him in activities and the teachers havent made an issue out of it at all, it is the Principal that seems to have a problem. As far as the other children, they have become accustomed to seeing him wearing a kufi, and they dont pick on him or say rude things, they asked him questions at first but, they see him as he is....a great kid and they also see how he lives, he is home before Maghrib and is very polite and kind hearted and they pay no mind to him when he goes home to pray and then seems to reappear later out of no where :D. It is second nature anymore. Alhamdulillah
Yet the question remains, even though it may seem as overreacting to some, how this situation is handled paves the way for future issues that Insha Allah will be of far greater importance.

Nomoreillusions :)
I know that getting angry will only make the situation worse, and I need to retain my composure, but certain people have made it difficult for us in other ways too, and although I dont wish to go on about those things here, it just seems that the Kufi thing is just another attempt to provoke me to anger. and I wish that relocating was sooner than later, but Insha Allah it won't be much longer and he can then attend an Islamic school, where he will feel as though he 'belongs'. But the fact is the time now and I have to deal with it. :confused:

It seems silly to ask my Imam for a note, how would one go about that convo? "Salaam Alaikum Brother, I wanted to ask you if it was possible that you could write my son a note to excuse him at school for being Muslim, yeah I would appreciate it, thanks for lookin out for a sista"......:eek3:.......although I do like the idea of the note being in Arabic, *grin*

I dunno thats all I got :rubeyes:

[nomoreillusions]

I guess go to your Imam and say "My son, little blessing that he is, has chosen to wear his Kufi at school. While his teacher has made no issue of it, the principle insists he remove it as part of a school rule against hats and such unless I can 'prove' to her it is of religious significance. :rolleyes: Would you be kind enough to write a brief, biggoted-principle-friendly note explaining the religious reasons for wearing one so that she will stop harassing my son?"

[`asiya]

Mashaa'Allaah, it is heart-warming to hear of a ten year old boy having such an awareness of his religion.

I think though you have to ask yourself if it is a sin not to where a kufi and then you will have your answer. Besides, I feel that there are bigger issues to worry about when attending a non-Islamic school, such as issues of creed.

:wswrwb: sah :jkk: sister i would advise u to get your son into a muslim school, and move to a community of muslims if it is in anyway possible, my sons were as in love with islam and like ur son at that age, they took shahadda of their own choosing and they used to ask me to wake them for fajr and they would pray with me, but the racial abuse, the abuse towards muslims in general , the personal insults screaming and abuse they got from their own teachers, they saw all the abuse i got from teachers in public in front of my sons if i tried to complain about the treatment of my children, and not even the education dept would listen after 5 years of this.. it was all too much for my sons, and although i live near many muslims they didnt mix with us because we werent asian and so we were left alone for many years reverts in a non muslim community, i wasnt able to move for financial reasons , and one of my sons clearly apostated from islam he says islam has ruined our lives because it has meant constant struggle for us alone and we have been adandoned, and he says he doesnt understand why Allah did that to his mother when she gave up her life for islam. my other son doesnt know what to make of it anymore..my advice to you sister get out of there dont send ur son back to that school and do anything u can to save his deen, take him to a place where u can marry insha Allah and raise him with the muslims with a father figure he can trust and look up to for example, or he can easily loose his Islam, audu billah may Allah protect him and u and make it easy for u amin.