Would You Move to a Different Country to Get Married?

[Al-Farooq]

Asalaamu alaykum wa rahmatullahi wa barakatuh. :)

Here is a hypothetical situation:

You are discussing marriage with a potential spouse. This person fulfils all your criteria for marriage - you are very compatible in terms of deen, your characters compliment each other beautifully, there is a definite physical attraction between you both, you have similar hopes and ambitions for the future, you both had a positive outcome from praying istikhara and, last but certainly not least, there is a definite “spark” between the two of you. :)

However, if you were to marry this person it would involve moving to a different country where you don’t know anyone at all, away from your family and friends.:(

Would you agree to marry this person if the country you had to move to, was near your own? For example, moving to Ireland, France or Holland from England, bearing in mind that you can get cheap flights that are fairly quick, so you could still see your family and friends fairly regularly.

Would you still agree to marry this person if it involved emigrating to a country further away? For example, moving to Morocco, Egypt or the Middle East from England, bearing in mind that flights are quite expensive and take a good few hours, so you would only see your family every two months or so.

Would you still marry this person if you had to move to the other side of the world? For example, moving to Australia or New Zealand from England, bearing in mind that flights are very expensive and take a very long time, so, realistically, you would only see your family two or three times a year, at the most.

Remember that this person fulfils all your criteria for marriage and it’s highly unlikely you will meet another person who is so perfectly suited and compatible with you.

So, what would you do? :scratch:

Feel free to explain your answers in as much, or as little detail as you desire.....:)

[~Unity~]

Brother's questions in the marriage section are always hypothetical :rolleyes:

Well I would perhaps only accept it if we are moving to a Muslim country, I don't see the point in moving from somewhere like England to France. Perhaps it has a lot to do with a job, but I'll make him get another one :p I want to live in an Islamic environment and I would always strive for that and make him take us at gun point if I have to. Alhamdulilah my situation is a little different as my family are nomads and no matter where I go I'm sure there will be family there whether it be an an uncle or an aunt.

[.: Anna :.]

if they had positive outcome from their istikhara then yes they shud

[Treasured Soul]

I agree with Anna ... if the outcome of the istihkara is positive one, then you should move.

You will learn to adapt ... make new friends. I moved from the US to the UK, and it was hard but I managed to make new friends ... and if the shy/quiet/reserved girl can do, then you can too :up:

As far as family is concerned, I can relate ... I dont think I could leave my siblings too easily ... but my circumstances are different to other ppls ... I hold on to them for different reasons. My biggest dilemma would be here ... but if I thought I could have enough money to fly back to see them even once/twice a year, I'd be happy with that. They can also come and visit me turn by turn.

And last but not least ... do you think you will ever find the all the qualities and the compatibilites in another person? You may just end up regretting it if you dont move.

*note - when I say 'you', its in the general sense to the hypothetical question.

[abood]

Assalam alaikum

jazakALLAH ALF KHAIR

every thing is in the hands of ALLAH and if ALLAH wishes then i will do it....

but i will be not happy from one thing...that is: (live in Kuffar land )for rest of your lives....and leaving best muslim country (U.A.E)....may be i would be agree to travel with him in muslim country but not in non-muslim Countries....
and if needed then only for dawah not living in non-muslim country...

in last i will just say(KUL SHAI LAHU KISMA WA NASEEB)

WASSALAM

your sister in islam

[bint]

Forget what my husband will want me to do. I'm getting out of this country ASAP. I can't stand it!

[muslimma]

yee i would...

nothing like seing diff places ...:inlove:

:hidban:

[GuCcI]

nope

[bint]

nope
You really do love Canada don't ya? :|

[GuCcI]

You really do love Canada don't ya? :|


its not that... i wouldnt even move to toronto (~5 hrs away from where i live now). im happy where i am thank you.

[bint]

its not that... i wouldnt even move to toronto (~5 hrs away from where i live now). im happy where i am thank you.

Why do I feel like I've touched a nerve now? ::rubeyes:

[GuCcI]

Why do I feel like I've touched a nerve now? ::rubeyes:

nooooo :love:

is it cuz i didnt use any smilies??? :scratch: :p

:coolsis: gucci loves thee :love:

[bint]

nooooo :love:

is it cuz i didnt use any smilies??? :scratch: :p

:coolsis: gucci loves thee :love:
Yeah..:S

The smilies were missing..That indeed was the problem :D

:inlove:

[Sawda08]

I would certainly move anywhere insha'Allah. If the brother was one I could respect for his imaan and his leadership and his desire to learn deen. I would move .. that is much more important than family in terms of the akhira.

However, I would still want ways of maintaining those ties one way or the other insha'Allah as that is also very important.

[Nazias]

It depends on the persons situation. For example if you have elderly parents, could you just leave them behind? Of course if they have others whom can care for them it is a different situation but they too have rights upon you.

Would you as much as you get on now, later regret moving so far away from your loved ones (parents, siblings etc.)? As I know of many a people who end up resenting their spouse at a later stage.

I am not saying it be negative (though it sounds it :o) but you have to look at all aspects before making such a huge decision.

Insha'allah, pray Saltul Istikhara and take it from there as Allah(swt) knows what we do not and there is hikmah to all which Allah(swt) bestows upon us. Of course one should also make sincere dua to Allah(swt) and Insha'allah you will find happiness wherever you maybe in the world.

[GuCcI]

teeheee ok i didnt read your original post i just answered to the thread title k... :o


Remember that this person fulfils all your criteria for marriage and it’s highly unlikely you will meet another person who is so perfectly suited and compatible with you.


yeah.... no i still wouldnt go :p

u could say that yeah, im too attached ... and my brothers are dumb, how will my family go on without me??? :eek:

im not leaving my parents :( my dad's the type who stands at the living room window looking out to the front door waiting for me to get home and wen i approach the house hes quick to open the door for me :love: and im suppossed to leave my brothers to run the household :smack:

*gucci getting emotional* :crying: damn the desi system :( why they make it so hard to leave home :crying:

[>UserName<]

Wa 'alyakum assalaam,

Everyone's situation is different. But generally speaking, there are a few things to consider; such as family - as Nazia has mentioned, if one's parents are elderly or are under one's care, their situation would need to be considered: would there be anyone else willing tol ook after them? would they want you move with you?

Then there's job prospects: if one is planning on being the bread-winner, they'd need to find out if there would be any suitable jobs for them that'd provide adequately for the [future]family, will they be financially secure? if its a foreign-speaking country, then there's the language to also consider.

There's schooling: Say for example, one's children will also be moving..is the schooling better there (wherever) or in England? Which country will provide the better environment for children to grow up in?



This points would probably apply to any country whether near or far, muslim or non-Muslim. Generally though, a move to a Muslim country would be far better, in terms of living a fully Islamic lifestyle, etc.

[~Unity~]

Forget what my husband will want me to do. I'm getting out of this country ASAP. I can't stand it!

:rotfl: Thats basically what I mean, but I said it in a nicer tone :o

[WahYaLookin'At?]

Naah I like this country,

Peace.

[Kal-El]

Forget what my husband will want me to do. I'm getting out of this country ASAP. I can't stand it!

What country's that and what is it that you cant stand?

[.: hayat :.]

Asalaamu alaykum wa rahmatullahi wa barakatuh. :)

Here is a hypothetical situation:

You are discussing marriage with a potential spouse. This person fulfils all your criteria for marriage - you are very compatible in terms of deen, your characters compliment each other beautifully, there is a definite physical attraction between you both, you have similar hopes and ambitions for the future, you both had a positive outcome from praying istikhara and, last but certainly not least, there is a definite “spark” between the two of you. :)

However, if you were to marry this person it would involve moving to a different country where you don’t know anyone at all, away from your family and friends.:(

Would you agree to marry this person if the country you had to move to, was near your own? For example, moving to Ireland, France or Holland from England, bearing in mind that you can get cheap flights that are fairly quick, so you could still see your family and friends fairly regularly.

Would you still agree to marry this person if it involved emigrating to a country further away? For example, moving to Morocco, Egypt or the Middle East from England, bearing in mind that flights are quite expensive and take a good few hours, so you would only see your family every two months or so.

Would you still marry this person if you had to move to the other side of the world? For example, moving to Australia or New Zealand from England, bearing in mind that flights are very expensive and take a very long time, so, realistically, you would only see your family two or three times a year, at the most.

Remember that this person fulfils all your criteria for marriage and it’s highly unlikely you will meet another person who is so perfectly suited and compatible with you.

So, what would you do? :scratch:

Feel free to explain your answers in as much, or as little detail as you desire.....:)

i would DEFINITELY say YES!!!:inlove::inlove::inlove:

[Kal-El]

Me too, but I guess its easier if you're younger and intend to live on your own, to reside in another country.

[Pro_Candy]

No. Might consider the country up north, but overseas, no way.

[bint]

:rotfl: Thats basically what I mean, but I said it in a nicer tone :o

That was nice :|

What country's that and what is it that you cant stand?

It is England I can't stand. There are many reasons. One being the weather, Two being the fact that I can't be in peace for many reasons.

[Got Milk]

That was nice :|



It is England I can't stand. There are many reasons. One being the weather, Two being the fact that I can't be in peace for many reasons.

Maybe you will like Afghanistan or maybe even Iraq it has nice weather and its very peaceful :rolleyes:

[Kal-El]

That was nice :|



It is England I can't stand. There are many reasons. One being the weather, Two being the fact that I can't be in peace for many reasons.

What do you mean with peace?

[bint]

What do you mean with peace?
Personal reasons. Is that a problem?

[LiveIslam]

i think i would defentaly move as i might not find someone else like the bro. and to be honest i dont think i will miss my family as much except my baby sister wud miss her sooo much. might end up taking her with me:D. But i wouldnt like to move to europe lol may be middle east sounds nice

[$HugoBoss$]

I would rather live on the streets than the UK

[(*_Hamzah]

I would rather live on the streets than the UK

"Than in the UK" AT least our streets are not covered with snow, it be safer to sleep on the pavement then on ice

[Al-Farooq]

Oh, that's marvellous, just peachy.....I hoped to come back and find a thread full of interesting new perspectives on the hypothetical situation I proposed in the opening post....instead, I come back to a thread full of utterly banal playground insults. Tedious in the extreme.:mad:

Jazak'Allahu khayran to all those who offered their thoughts and extra thanks "with a cherry on top" to Gucci for at least trying to stop the children and their pathetic bickering.:up:

It depends on the persons situation. For example if you have elderly parents, could you just leave them behind? Of course if they have others whom can care for them it is a different situation but they too have rights upon you.

Would you as much as you get on now, later regret moving so far away from your loved ones (parents, siblings etc.)? As I know of many a people who end up resenting their spouse at a later stage.

That's a very pertinent point, Nazias. I think the possibility for resentment occurring later in the relationship is a very real and serious problem. It's such a huge step to take and life would become a very lonely experience if you ever regretted your decision. The extra pressure on the marriage would be enormous, as would the potential for failure, because of that extra pressure.

Also, because you would be moving to a new place with no friends, or even casual acquaintances of your own, you would be totally reliant on your spouse for social opportunities (and his family and friends, if they live in that country). It wouldn't take long before you started to feel rather claustrophobic, as though you were "living in each others pockets". Both partners need their own friends, to allow them the possibility of spending time apart, when required.

However, I think the main consideration should be the following:

if they had positive outcome from their istikhara then yes they shud

Masha'Allah I think this is the perfect response - to put your trust in Allah ta'ala and let His guidance be the most important part of any decision-making process.

I completely agree...if istikhara has a positive outcome, then you should rely upon the guidance of Allah ta'ala, as He knows what is best for you.

Footnote: I know all the brothers say exactly the same, but this really is a hypothetical situation, based upon something that happened to a good friend of mine. Just for the record, he did move abroad solely for the purpose of marriage, to Japan...and 8 years later, they are still very happily married with a young child masha'Allah. :)

[$HugoBoss$]

"Than in the UK" AT least our streets are not covered with snow, it be safer to sleep on the pavement then on ice

Ay stop crying :nono:

[dunya_or_akhira]

there is no such thing as a perfect partner.. you only find that after marriage

also if a sister wears full islamic gear and her to be partner lives in a place where it will be very hard for her to go out and practice her deen due to islamaphobia etc then she should consider her deen first...then again the man should also think about these issues before moving to a place regardless how good the pay package is...

after all we are here to worship Allah swt to our bestest abilities so move to a place where you can increase in your deeds and emaan....

personally saudi arabi or middle east or another muslim country is best option over any non muslim country