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I know a sincere and practising brother who has been trying to get married for the last 10+ years. He has tried every halal thing possible, including family, friends, internet, matrimonial events and magazines/newspapers. Many sisters have rejected him due to his low paid job (he’s on excess of 25k) and because they don’t “fancy him”. It has been over 10 years and this brother has become depressed and claims he is very lonely. He has the natural tendencies and urges towards women and wants to get married ASAP. He gets sexually agitated as soon as he sees women. This he cannot avoid due to living in this society.
He has done istikarah and salat ula hajjah (prayer of need).
I fear that he will give into temptation. What can he do?
I know a sincere and practising brother who has been trying to get married for the last 10+ years. He has tried every halal thing possible, including family, friends, internet, matrimonial events and magazines/newspapers. Many sisters have rejected him due to his low paid job (he’s on excess of 25k) and because they don’t “fancy him”. It has been over 10 years and this brother has become depressed and claims he is very lonely. He has the natural tendencies and urges towards women and wants to get married ASAP. He gets sexually agitated as soon as he sees women. This he cannot avoid due to living in this society.
He has done istikarah and salat ula hajjah (prayer of need).
I fear that he will give into temptation. What can he do?
Ten years? What a loser. Does he have a thick mullah beard? Is he really short? How can he give in to temptation when no women fancy him?
Yes 10 years. He has been patient, but just want's woman. Not short and nothing wrong with him.
What a loser.
That's harsh. He wants to get married to enjoy pleasure, etc
Ten years? What a loser. Does he have a thick mullah beard? Is he really short? How can he give in to temptation when no women fancy him?
wat a pathetic thing to say.
hes prolly looking in the wrong places at the wrong women.
im pretty sure 25K should be enough for 2 ppl to live on :scratch: some women are just too demandy :torture:
did he try asking imam to help find a modest non-gold-digging wife?
Must be something wrong with him. 10 years is too long. Is he fat?
No. He is slim and goes to the gym regularly. He thinks that muslimah are too picky.
wat a pathetic thing to say.
hes prolly looking in the wrong places at the wrong women.
im pretty sure 25K should be enough for 2 ppl to live on :scratch: some women are just too demandy :torture:
did he try asking imam to help find a modest non-goldigging wife?
He has tried mosques, islamic groups, etc and is doing salat ul hajah regularly.
Must be something wrong with him. 10 years is too long. Is he fat?
He did have long hair for a while. Maybe sister's don't like that?
LastFriday
07-02-08, 04:53 PM
Ten years? What a loser. Does he have a thick mullah beard? Is he really short? How can he give in to temptation when no women fancy him?
Must be something wrong with him. 10 years is too long. Is he fat?
That is rude. Why would say something like that? Stop being a jerk.
Maybe he should try over-seas. Just a suggestion. Also like sis Gucci said, where is HE looking, maybe he's looking at the WRONG matrimonial sites, and WRONG places.
wat a pathetic thing to say.
hes prolly looking in the wrong places at the wrong women.
im pretty sure 25K should be enough for 2 ppl to live on :scratch: some women are just too demandy :torture:
did he try asking imam to help find a modest non-gold-digging wife?
He has had plenty of proposals from counsins back home, but he doesn't fancy them.
That is rude. Why would say something like that? Stop being a jerk.
Maybe he should try over-seas. Just a suggestion. Also like sis Gucci said, where is HE looking, maybe he's looking at the WRONG matrimonial sites, and WRONG places.
He has tried at least 10 marriage sites and has been harassing family and friends to help.
He has tried mosques, islamic groups, etc and is doing salat ul hajah regularly.
i think he has to be patient? some ppl dont meet their potential spouse for YEARS :rubeyes: scary and nonhelpful thought :o maybe he should try moving to a different city and see how women are there?
He did have long hair for a while. Maybe sister's don't like that?
u can cut long hair if u really want to u know :rolleyes: thats hardly a problem infact long hair is cool
Riceball
07-02-08, 04:58 PM
My prescription, find a girl from where he originated from, I am sure he will find someone there.
Since hes been looking for 10+ years with a good failure rate, that should give a good indication that he is looking in the wrong place or thing.
For example, you want to find a toothpick that you lost, you look for it in your room for 10 years and you don't find it. It simply means that the toothpick is NOT in your room (assuming you looked everywhere), it is probably in one other room. It does NOT mean he cannot find it because he is incompetent. And for the person who called him a loser, ask allah for forgiveness, never call your brother such names.
He has had plenty of proposals from counsins back home, but he doesn't fancy them.
Or maybe he IS too picky.
Baybars
07-02-08, 05:00 PM
I know a sincere and practising brother who has been trying to get married for the last 10+ years. He has tried every halal thing possible, including family, friends, internet, matrimonial events and magazines/newspapers. Many sisters have rejected him due to his low paid job (he’s on excess of 25k) and because they don’t “fancy him”. It has been over 10 years and this brother has become depressed and claims he is very lonely. He has the natural tendencies and urges towards women and wants to get married ASAP. He gets sexually agitated as soon as he sees women. This he cannot avoid due to living in this society.
He has done istikarah and salat ula hajjah (prayer of need).
I fear that he will give into temptation. What can he do?
Is he getting agitated when he meets a potential sisters for marriage? If that's the case then no wonder he's getting refusals.
He might could try to find a wife from another country. I don't know if he's in the UK or the US, but if he is, he could quite easily find a girl from India or Pakistan. Maybe even Morocco.
Ten years? What a loser. Does he have a thick mullah beard? Is he really short? How can he give in to temptation when no women fancy him?
WTF! You shouldn't call him a loser, for your own sake, if not for his. You're out of line.
He has had plenty of proposals from counsins back home, but he doesn't fancy them.
ahhh doesnt fancy... did he try giving them a chance? not all of them are really fobish, some are ok.
seeing his situation he could have given at least one of them a chance, maybe a city girl or something :scratch:
Baybars
07-02-08, 05:04 PM
I agree, there has to be something else going on.
I remember back in school and college, there would always be guys that you'd think were cool, but for some reason all the girls would think he was creepy for some reason.
Is he creepy????
*IslamicGirl*
07-02-08, 05:04 PM
:start:
Stop being so rude and patronising, you and i do not know the full situation and it's distasteful for you to keep talking about the brother in a negative way when you do not know how he looks like.
Stop it.
Medievalist
07-02-08, 05:05 PM
He might be too picky.
He is better off going back home. The woman from there will look after him and obey him inshaALLAH. :)
Movng won't do much good. If he's asked all his family, friends and tried internet then he's opened up his avenues already. MUst be something about him SFYP isn't letting on. Nobody wants to put down their mates. Is he quite ugly?
first of all, quit it u block heads :torture:
2ndly, he will find his partner wen Allah wills okay. so its all about being patient. the woman of his dreams will magically appear only under Allah's will and the patience and wait will definitely be worth it then.
being ugly has nothing to do with it cuz ive seen ugly ppl get married :rolleyes:
being fat has nothing to do with it because theres ppl with nice hearts (unlike u kids) who look past weight issues.
Al-Nasser
07-02-08, 05:09 PM
Is he creepy????
look at your profile page in a minute
you will find a cute little sum of infraction points waiting for you
if you want much more continue insulting the brother who is asking for help
Baybars
07-02-08, 05:27 PM
look at your profile page in a minute
you will find a cute little sum of infraction points waiting for you
if you want much more continue insulting the brother who is asking for help
I already looked.
I didn't insult him, I asked a question. Maybe you thought it was callous, but I assure you it was not. I was being serious. There's a difference between asking someone something and calling someone a name, but evidently you don't see the difference. I guess it's okay.
Infraction points aren't cute, and you are wrong for assuming that my intention was to insult him, but then you thought I was calling him a name.
What's the point, take as many as you want. Take them for yourself if you want. I'll give them to you.
Al-Nasser
07-02-08, 05:29 PM
ok
Baybars
07-02-08, 05:37 PM
What I mean by creepy is this:
Sometimes men have a certain aura about them, or act in a certain way, their mannerisms or something that can be off-putting to females. I don't know exactly what it is, but I've had friends, sisters and cousins tell me that such and such a guy is creepy.
All I'm saying is that, this brother might want to assess himself, maybe with the help of his friends, to see if he has mannerisms or things that could be considered this way by females.
If this was an issue with one of my friends, I wouldn't have a problem raising the issue with them, and I don't think they would have an issue setting me straight either.
He might be too picky.
He is better off going back home. The woman from there will look after him and obey him inshaALLAH. :)
I have suggested this to him several times. He has had bad experience from back home - bangladesh. Futhermore, he thinks sisters back home would be incompatible.
Is he getting agitated when he meets a potential sisters for marriage? If that's the case then no wonder he's getting refusals.
I don't think so.
He might could try to find a wife from another country. I don't know if he's in the UK or the US, but if he is, he could quite easily find a girl from India or Pakistan. Maybe even Morocco.
He has tried bangladesh. Unfortunately, he has no contacts in any other countries
I have suggested this to him several times. He has had bad experience from back home - bangladesh. Futhermore, he thinks sisters back home would be incompatible.
blaaaaaa.... there are a ton of practising nonfobbish girls in bd!!!!
the villagey girls arent backward either .. generally that is, some of them can be quite religious and obedient too :p it doesnt take a lot to adjust
ahhh doesnt fancy... did he try giving them a chance? not all of them are really fobish, some are ok.
seeing his situation he could have given at least one of them a chance, maybe a city girl or something :scratch:
I think he is also scared of getting married to a sisters back home. Members of his family have gotten married back home and their marriage is full of misery -
I think he is also scared of getting married to a sisters back home. Members of his family have gotten married back home and their marriage is full of misery -
ohhh hmmm... i dont know wat else to say :o
does he live in UK?
ohhh hmmm... i dont know wat else to say :o
does he live in UK?
yes. Has lived in uk all his life
Kita Korai
07-02-08, 06:57 PM
As a Bangali Muslim myself I can tell you many girls marry for the hope to find a rich man in UK and Usa. If your brother is restaurant waiter they will not be happy with this. They are not totally naeve, they know many Bangla boys do not have good position in London.
blaaaaaa.... there are a ton of practising nonfobbish girls in bd!!!!
the villagey girls arent backward either .. generally that is, some of them can be quite religious and obedient too :p it doesnt take a lot to adjust
I agree. But he says that he doesn't find most of them attractive. He is looking for a practising sister who is also pretty
Kita Korai
07-02-08, 06:58 PM
Wy I don't understand if you live in London, you marry someone from London. No need to go so far for marige
yes. Has lived in uk all his life
ahh sowwie cant help :outta:
As a Bangali Muslim myself I can tell you many girls marry for the hope to find a rich man in UK and Usa. If your brother is restaurant waiter they will not be happy with this. They are not totally naeve, they know many Bangla boys do not have good position in London.
not entirely true. there is a wide group of ppl who will find any excuse to go "bidesh". u should watch the documentary "deshontari" and then u'll know wat i mean by the lengths ppl go to just to go to europe or north america. marrying a restuarant waiter is nothing.
I agree. But he says that he doesn't find most of them attractive. He is looking for a practising sister who is also pretty
are u saying bangali girls arent pretty :rubeyes: :eek:
Wy I don't understand if you live in London, you marry someone from London. No need to go so far for marige
if u read the whole thread u'd know his dilemma.
As a Bangali Muslim myself I can tell you many girls marry for the hope to find a rich man in UK and Usa. If your brother is restaurant waiter they will not be happy with this. They are not totally naeve, they know many Bangla boys do not have good position in London.
One big problem he has encountered is due to living with his parents. Many sisters have said to him that they don't want to live with his parents after marriage even for a day. But he is the only son and his parents need him. He can't just leave them and move out? He believes it's fard to look after his parents and do as they say.
are u saying bangali girls arent pretty :rubeyes: :eek:
Of course not. He thinks this of the some bengali girls back home due to his experience there.
Wy I don't understand if you live in London, you marry someone from London. No need to go so far for marige
Yes, that's what he wants. But he is almost on the verge of doing something he may end up regretting.
Of course not. He thinks this of the some bengali girls back home due to his experience there.
then hes definitely looking in the wrong places.
Yes, that's what he wants. But he is almost on the verge of doing something he may end up regretting.
remind him of being patient.
thats hardly a problem infact long hair is cool
Ditto!
Long hair is cool! :D
He might be too picky.
He is better off going back home. The woman from there will look after him and obey him inshaALLAH. :)
Bro, please don't generalise. There are many women back home that have a blazing attitude..towards their husbands and families. And there are many here (in England) that know how to obey and respect another person.
Bubblegoose
07-02-08, 07:27 PM
What I mean by creepy is this:
Sometimes men have a certain aura about them, or act in a certain way, their mannerisms or something that can be off-putting to females. I don't know exactly what it is, but I've had friends, sisters and cousins tell me that such and such a guy is creepy.
All I'm saying is that, this brother might want to assess himself, maybe with the help of his friends, to see if he has mannerisms or things that could be considered this way by females.
If this was an issue with one of my friends, I wouldn't have a problem raising the issue with them, and I don't think they would have an issue setting me straight either.
I'm creepy but it never stopped me from attracting female attention.
Are you greasy?
He has had plenty of proposals from counsins back home, but he doesn't fancy them.
So it's a two way problem then:o. Who's being too picky now:confused:
My guess is that although he was brought up in the UK, he's still a very traditional and desi guy. This would explain why UK girls aren't that keen on him although the paradox is that he's probably more keen on UK girls cos' he grew up here and maybe prefers them in some way for some reason.
It's unlikely that he'd get away with having it both ways. Back home girls are much more accepting of the traditional lifestyle and living with in laws. Is he trying to avoid marrying a Bengali by any chance?
Back home girls are much more accepting of the traditional lifestyle and living with in laws.
not these days :smack:
Bubblegoose
07-02-08, 07:38 PM
not these days :smack:
So where will I find a traditional bint from, I don't want a high maintenance choonghi!
Baybars
07-02-08, 07:39 PM
I'm creepy but it never stopped me from attracting female attention.
Are you greasy?
Maybe you are good-creepy, I dunno. Good for you for getting lots of female attention.
I'm not greasy, no.
Bubblegoose
07-02-08, 07:40 PM
Maybe you are good-creepy, I dunno. Good for you for getting lots of female attention.
I'm not greasy, no.
No not a lot of female attention, just some.
If I don't like female then I fart or make burp and she will put off me, my tactics always work.:up:
Is he trying to avoid marrying a Bengali by any chance?
Yes, if he can.
LiveIslam
07-02-08, 07:43 PM
No not a lot of female attention, just some.
If I don't like female then I fart or make burp and she will put off me, my tactics always work.:up:
ewwww thats sick learn ur manners :torture:
LiveIslam
07-02-08, 07:44 PM
Yes, if he can.
i know what u mean ive never really been attracted to Bengali's even tho im a Bengali myself
Bubblegoose
07-02-08, 07:44 PM
ewwww thats sick learn ur manners :torture:
You see it works already, my genius plan!:up:
So where will I find a traditional bint from, I don't want a high maintenance choonghi!
the village.
LiveIslam
07-02-08, 07:46 PM
You see it works already, my genius plan!:up:
its not genius its disgusting:vomit:
Bubblegoose
07-02-08, 07:47 PM
the village.
But what about Queens or England?
Bubblegoose
07-02-08, 07:47 PM
its not genius its disgusting:vomit:
You fart too!
Baybars
07-02-08, 07:47 PM
You see it works already, my genius plan!:up:
:rotfl::rotfl::rotfl:
Pure genius!
I guess if they're that effective online, you're burp/farts must be supremely effective in person! :D
But what about Queens or England?
how would i know? im not from either of those places :rolleyes:
LiveIslam
07-02-08, 07:48 PM
But what about Queens or England?
why did u give me a bad rep:mad:
You fart too!
:rotfl::rotfl::rotfl:
Pure genius!
I guess if they're that effective online, you're burp/farts must be supremely effective in person! :D
can u kids stop derailing the brother's thread please
Bubblegoose
07-02-08, 07:52 PM
:rotfl::rotfl::rotfl:
Pure genius!
I guess if they're that effective online, you're burp/farts must be supremely effective in person! :D
Yes, absolutely, gaseous emissions, is a wonderful way of heeding off unwanted female attention.
But anyway as for the brother in question, well it comes down to kismet, at the end of the day if it is meant to be so it shall, if not then it won't such is life. Make dua to Allah and hope that the Lord has something better in store for you.
Love&Peace
07-02-08, 07:53 PM
SFYP,
Sad to know that your friend is looking for spouse since so lo......ng.
Some points might be helpful.
1. Bangladeshi girls in Bangladesh are not pretty and Bangladeshi girls in UK are pretty. that is something I don't get. Sometimes, in back home girls don't present themselves very nicely. I have seen few girls in Indian villages wearing some odd coloured / odd fitting clothes. Same might be the case with girls in his hometown. But, presentability can be adapted to once the girl moves to the UK.
2. Girls back home are more used to culture of staying with inlaws. So there are brighter chance.
3. Your friend thinks that marriage back home might not give him a happy life because of someone else's experiences. This may not be the case with him. Mutual understanding can lead them to happy life.
4. You can ask him bit specific questions and analyze that 'why girls rejects him?' Does any of his behaviour result in rejection?
The old saying "If one door closes, opens another" But, your friend should have the willingness to look at that door.
Finally Wish him All the Best
Baybars
07-02-08, 07:59 PM
1. Bangladeshi girls in Bangladesh are not pretty and Bangladeshi girls in UK are pretty. that is something I don't get. Sometimes, in back home girls don't present themselves very nicely. I have seen few girls in Indian villages wearing some odd coloured / odd fitting clothes. Same might be the case with girls in his hometown. But, presentability can be adapted to once the girl moves to the UK.
I refuse to buy into that. So basically, BD girls will only be pretty if they up and move to a western nation, and adopt western fashion? First you say pretty, but then you go onto say that you can make BD home girls presentable after they move to the UK. Beauty isn't associated with a sense of dress, that's just narrow.
Quote:
Originally Posted by neelu http://www.ummah.com/forum/images/buttons/viewpost.gif (http://ummah.com/forum/showthread.php?p=2409548#post2409548)
Is he trying to avoid marrying a Bengali by any chance?
Yes, if he can.
Ah I think that explains a lot.
I refuse to buy into that. So basically, BD girls will only be pretty if they up and move to a western nation, and adopt western fashion? First you say pretty, but then you go onto say that you can make BD home girls presentable after they move to the UK. Beauty isn't associated with a sense of dress, that's just narrow.
i know eh :(
sis_niqabi
07-02-08, 08:50 PM
Salam
does your friend have high expectations of how a wife is suppose to be like? maybe he is putting off women because he is too demanding. often times when we think it's other people with the problem. the only problem is from within ourselves.
ask your friend to re-evaluate what he is looking for in a wife. and he needs to to start asking himself are his expectations realistic or just fantasy.
Kita Korai
07-02-08, 09:09 PM
Why do people think Desh girls are all religosly strict Muslims? Desh is not like a true iIslamic state like Afghanistan and Saudia. In the school and collegs the boys and girls are together freely they can watch all the films and they learn to have boyfriend. One of my cousin he had a girlfriend from college but she is rich and he is from the village and her father says she must marry who he chose. So my cousin and the girl marry secretky in the court but after she still marries who her father says. So which one is she really married to? Eve in the village the boys and girls stay together. Not as bad as UK, they maybe don't have sex, but they still have boyfriend. I know two Bangalis from UK who married Girls from Desh who still had boyfriend. They think they are getting religous girl because she is from the village but they follow the modern world even there. So you waste your time coming 9000km for someone lying in marrige.
But anyway as for the brother in question, well it comes down to kismet, at the end of the day if it is meant to be so it shall, if not then it won't such is life. Make dua to Allah and hope that the Lord has something better in store for you.
I cant believe it took over 50 posts for someone to give this advice :rubeyes:
salam,
I am also looking to get married soon Inshallah, start looking for bride.
Any suggestions where i can look? :)
AH
Baybars
07-02-08, 11:57 PM
salam,
I am also looking to get married soon Inshallah, start looking for bride.
Any suggestions where i can look? :)
AH
:inlove::inlove::inlove:
www.muslima.com
Riceball
08-02-08, 12:16 AM
:inlove::inlove::inlove:
www.muslima.com
Would people actually pay for rubbish like that? :(
Baybars
08-02-08, 12:18 AM
I don't know, I guess so. I haven't so far, but I might have to try it.
Riceball
08-02-08, 12:48 AM
I don't know, I guess so. I haven't so far, but I might have to try it.
:(
I personally won't pay some site to find a wife. The sea is full of fish!!!!
Why do people think Desh girls are all religosly strict Muslims? Desh is not like a true iIslamic state like Afghanistan and Saudia. In the school and collegs the boys and girls are together freely they can watch all the films and they learn to have boyfriend. One of my cousin he had a girlfriend from college but she is rich and he is from the village and her father says she must marry who he chose. So my cousin and the girl marry secretky in the court but after she still marries who her father says. So which one is she really married to? Eve in the village the boys and girls stay together. Not as bad as UK, they maybe don't have sex, but they still have boyfriend. I know two Bangalis from UK who married Girls from Desh who still had boyfriend. They think they are getting religous girl because she is from the village but they follow the modern world even there. So you waste your time coming 9000km for someone lying in marrige.
I really love the honesty of this post.
From what I've seen in this forum, there are a number of young Muslim men who have unusual expectations of women "back home."
My hunch is that the sort of simplicity these guys seek could be found only in a girl from a village so remote, so small, and so poor that they'd pretty much have nothing in common with her.
Kita Korai
08-02-08, 07:06 AM
I really love the honesty of this post.
From what I've seen in this forum, there are a number of young Muslim men who have unusual expectations of women "back home."
My hunch is that the sort of simplicity these guys seek could be found only in a girl from a village so remote, so small, and so poor that they'd pretty much have nothing in common with her.
Yes this correct. The very religous girls in Desh usually their father is strict so they didnt go to school after primary level, so this girl cannot understand London life. They also don't understand english so all she can do is stay in the house.
My hunch is that the sort of simplicity these guys seek could be found only in a girl from a village so remote, so small, and so poor that they'd pretty much have nothing in common with her.
That's what he keeps saying.
salam,
I am also looking to get married soon Inshallah, start looking for bride.
Any suggestions where i can look? :)
AH
Yes.
You can look within yourself.
Are you the sort of person whom you would want to marry?
You guys seem to want to marry fantastic women, but you don't seem to show much interest in being the sort of fantastic men whom women hope to marry.
Being "fantastic" really isn't all that difficult. It usually means demonstrating in a tangible, concrete way that you take a serious interest in the welfare of others.
Do you do much to take care of Muslim orphans or Muslim foster children? Do you do much to take care of the Muslim elderly?
When did you last donate your time to a Muslim charity?
Salam
does your friend have high expectations of how a wife is suppose to be like? maybe he is putting off women because he is too demanding. often times when we think it's other people with the problem. the only problem is from within ourselves.
ask your friend to re-evaluate what he is looking for in a wife. and he needs to to start asking himself are his expectations realistic or just fantasy.
He knows part of the problem is him; because he will admit his personality flaws openly rather than lie to impress women. Most guys say anything to impress the women including lying, even some Muslims may do this with potential sisters. The other thing is that admits he’s not interested in career. A lot of sisters he has met want a career driven man.
He has a dilemma too due to valentines next week – He keeps getting tempted because women (white non-muslim) at work send him love letters & valentine cards etc!
I don’t know if shaitan will tempt him too much this time.
Yes this correct. The very religous girls in Desh usually their father is strict so they didnt go to school after primary level, so this girl cannot understand London life. They also don't understand english so all she can do is stay in the house.
Yes, he thinks marrying back home will lead to a even more miserable life. Futhermore, he feels that's not fair on the sister.
Love&Peace
08-02-08, 08:30 AM
I refuse to buy into that. So basically, BD girls will only be pretty if they up and move to a western nation, and adopt western fashion? First you say pretty, but then you go onto say that you can make BD home girls presentable after they move to the UK. Beauty isn't associated with a sense of dress, that's just narrow.
Nopes, you have misinterpreted my statement.
I did not say BD girls will look only pretty if they move to UK.
What I said is sometimes Indian village girls presents themselves bit awkwardly.
So they can be very pretty but they might not look that pretty, For example. If a pretyy girl wears his brother's Tshirt she will look bit awkward. right?
And I meant only for some girls not for all.
BD girls and Indian Bengalis must be looking similar. And I have so many bengali friends. How can I say they started looking good only after they moved to UK?
Sorry if you misunderstood my poin. My appologies to bengalis over here.
My guess is that although he was brought up in the UK, he's still a very traditional and desi guy. This would explain why UK girls aren't that keen on him although the paradox is that he's probably more keen on UK girls cos' he grew up here and maybe prefers them in some way for some reason.
Not really. He hates all the Bangladeshi traditions & culture therefore believes marrying back home is condemning himself and his wife to an unhappy marriage.
I know a sincere and practising brother who has been trying to get married for the last 10+ years. He has tried every halal thing possible, including family, friends, internet, matrimonial events and magazines/newspapers. Many sisters have rejected him due to his low paid job (he’s on excess of 25k) and because they don’t “fancy him”. It has been over 10 years and this brother has become depressed and claims he is very lonely. He has the natural tendencies and urges towards women and wants to get married ASAP. He gets sexually agitated as soon as he sees women. This he cannot avoid due to living in this society.
He has done istikarah and salat ula hajjah (prayer of need).
I fear that he will give into temptation. What can he do?:salams
there is no easy answer to this, there are so many people are in the same situation, but at least in this brothers case he lived near a masjid and he doesnt need a walli to get married, so i would tell him to count his blessings and to see that he has more opportunity of getting married than many of us woman who have no walli to sort out their marriages, and who dont live near any masjid and cant travel without a mahram and nor do they have 25k a year jobs to let them afford to travel, and as man its not like he has a deadline to get married before he stops being able to have children, women on the other hand are not so fortunate, if they cannot marry when they are younger they end up childless too audu billah.
The prophet salAllahu alleyhi wa salam said what means " look to the one who is worse off than u " if the brother thinks about it hes in a lot better position than many muslims and he just needs to keep looking and have some sabr insha Allah,check with the imam about revert sisters because they dont come with family and cultural baggage and they wouldnt be concerned about how much money he has or hasnt got insha Allah may Allah ta ala assist him amin.
and please remind him about the kuffar women, and the ayats of Allah about the fornicators, and also about the diseases they may carry from S.T.D`s that make a man sterile and has no symptoms, to H.I.V which kills. a young brother just 19 years old, who fell into zinnah once, and caught H.I.V he can never marry now, and he is waiting to die from this horrible disease. thats something else to consider too..
:salams
there is no easy answer to this, there are so many people are in the same situation, but at least in this brothers case he lived near a masjid and he doesnt need a walli to get married, so i would tell him to count his blessings and to see that he has more opportunity of getting married than many of us woman who have no walli to sort out their marriages, and who dont live near any masjid and cant travel without a mahram and nor do they have 25k a year jobs to let them afford to travel, and as man its not like he has a deadline to get married before he stops being able to have children, women on the other hand are not so fortunate, if they cannot marry when they are younger they end up childless too audu billah.
The prophet salAllahu alleyhi wa salam said what means " look to the one who is worse off than u " if the brother thinks about it hes in a lot better position than many muslims and he just needs to keep looking and have some sabr insha Allah,check with the imam about revert sisters because they dont come with family and cultural baggage and they wouldnt be concerned about how much money he has or hasnt got insha Allah may Allah ta ala assist him amin.
and please remind him about the kuffar women, and the ayats of Allah about the fornicators, and also about the diseases they may carry from S.T.D`s that make a man sterile and has no symptoms, to H.I.V which kills. a young brother just 19 years old, who fell into zinnah once, and caught H.I.V he can never marry now, and he is waiting to die from this horrible disease. thats something else to consider too..
Masha Allah - good post
please remind him about the kuffar women, and the ayats of Allah about the fornicators, and also about the diseases they may carry from S.T.D`s that make a man sterile and has no symptoms, to H.I.V which kills. a young brother just 19 years old, who fell into zinnah once, and caught H.I.V he can never marry now, and he is waiting to die from this horrible disease. thats something else to consider too..
He understands this but still finds it very difficult. He has even stated that it may be Allah punishing him.
:jkk:
diseases, death and hellfire for the fornicator should be reminder enough for him to lower his gaze and steer well clear of women. There is zinnah of the eyes as well as physical zinnah, and he should try and get a new job he shouldnt be working with women around him anyway.
Kita Korai
08-02-08, 10:13 AM
Not really. He hates all the Bangladeshi traditions & culture therefore believes marrying back home is condemning himself and his wife to an unhappy marriage.
It is true, unfirtunatly the ones who keep to Islam are usually no happiness to be found. The evil people get what they want. In Desh we have a person called "gotok" who asks people what sort of person they want to marry and they search for them. This is sometimes good because many people are embarrassed to ask the family for their choice.
He understands this but still finds it very difficult. He has even stated that it may be Allah punishing him.
remind him to pick up his Quran and recite it,and read it in a language he can understand and he can take solace in the verses insha Allah.
surah 29. Al-'Ankabût
In the Name of Allâh, the Most
Beneficent, the Most Merciful.
1. Alif*Lâm*Mîm.
[These letters are one of the miracles of the Qur'ân, and none but Allâh (Alone) knows their meanings.]
2. Do people think that they will be left alone because they say: "We believe," and will not be tested.
3. And We indeed tested those who were before them. And Allâh will certainly make (it) known (the truth of) those who are true, and will certainly make (it) known (the falsehood of) those who are liars, (although Allâh knows all that before putting them to test).
4. Or those who do evil deeds think that they can outstrip Us (i.e. escape Our Punishment)? Evil is that which they judge!
5. Whoever hopes for the Meeting with Allâh, then Allâh's Term is surely coming. and He is the All-Hearer, the All-Knower.
6. And whosoever strives, he strives only for himself. Verily, Allâh is free of all wants from the 'Alamîn (mankind, jinns, and all that exists).
7. Those who believe [in the Oneness of Allâh (Monotheism) and in Messenger Muhammad SAW , and do not apostate because of the harm they receive from the polytheists], and do righteous good deeds, surely, We shall remit from them their evil deeds and shall reward them according to the best of that which they used to do.
8. And We have enjoined on man to be good and dutiful to his parents, but if they strive to make you join with Me (in worship) anything (as a partner) of which you have no knowledge, then obey them not. Unto Me is your return, and I shall tell you what you used to do.
9. And for those who believe (in the Oneness of Allâh and other items of Faith)[] and do righteous good deeds, surely, We shall make them enter in (the enterance of) the righteous (i.e. in Paradise).
10. Of mankind are some who say: "We believe in Allâh," but if they are made to suffer for the sake of Allâh, they consider the trial of mankind as Allâh's punishment, and if victory comes from your Lord, (the hypocrites) will say: "Verily! We were with you (helping you)." Is not Allâh Best Aware of what is in the breast of the 'Alamîn (mankind and jinns).
11. Verily, Allâh knows those who believe, and verily, He knows the hypocrites [i.e. Allâh will test the people with good and hard days to discriminate the good from the wicked (although Allâh knows all that before putting them to test)].
and he should try and get a new job
He left his previous job just a few of months ago because it got too much for him. He has only been working in this job for about 3+ months.
he shouldnt be working with women around him anyway.
He avoids women as much as he can but his job involves fixing computers, etc so some women like him.
remind him to pick up his Quran and recite it,and read it in a language he can understand and he can take solace in the verses insha Allah.
surah 29. Al-'Ankabût
In the Name of Allâh, the Most
Beneficent, the Most Merciful.
10. Of mankind are some who say: "We believe in Allâh," but if they are made to suffer for the sake of Allâh, they consider the trial of mankind as Allâh's punishment, and if victory comes from your Lord, (the hypocrites) will say: "Verily! We were with you (helping you)." Is not Allâh Best Aware of what is in the breast of the 'Alamîn (mankind and jinns).
Jazak Allah Khair
muslimahs today are too picky. Brother do him a favour and get him married back home to sisters who will appreciate him more. :)
Not all muslimahs are picky by the way.. its just a growing trend here in UK
muslimahs today are too picky. Brother do him a favour and get him married back home to sisters who will appreciate him more. :)
Not all muslimahs are picky by the way.. its just a growing trend here in UK
I know a lot of brothers go back home as a last option due to being unsuccessful. But has anyone got experience of this? Are they happy that they went back home to get married to sisters there?
I know a lot of brothers go back home as a last option due to being unsuccessful. But has anyone got experience of this? Are they happy that they went back home to get married to sisters there?
my fiance's freind grew up here and a year ago went back home and got married. things are ok. u have to be willing to work on the marriage though. no marriage is going to work out perfect for you.
I do not understand why he wants to get married? :rubeyes:I mean look at him, attempting ten years and the women there don't want him because he only make 25K....make him read this article his eyes will be wide open :rubeyes::rubeyes. I ASSURE YOU ONES HE READS THIS ARTICLE BELOW NOT ONLY HE WOULD NEVER GET MARRIED AGAIN, HE WOULD CASTRATE HIMSELF BEFORE ATTEMPTING MARRIAGE:
another pathetic person with another pathetic post :rolleyes:
You tell me you read the article so fast that you judge me right away with a pathetic post? It is his lose really.:rolleyes:
You tell me you read the article so fast that you judge me right away with a pathetic post? It is his lose really.:rolleyes:
read enough it to know u wont last here long either :up:
Are you threatening me? So this is censoring speech is it?
Are you threatening me? So this is censoring speech is it?
i cant threaten u :p i dont have any formal power :D
*IslamicGirl*
08-02-08, 01:58 PM
:start:
I do not understand why he wants to get married? :rubeyes:I mean look at him, attempting ten years and the women there don't want him because he only make 25K....make him read this article his eyes will be wide open :rubeyes::rubeyes. I ASSURE YOU ONES HE READS THIS ARTICLE BELOW NOT ONLY HE WOULD NEVER GET MARRIED AGAIN, HE WOULD CASTRATE HIMSELF BEFORE ATTEMPTING MARRIAGE:
.
What sort of rubbish is this?
Marriage is half of one's deen and for you to give your ignorant viewpoint is unneccessary.
Either speak good or remain silent please.
You tell me you read the article so fast that you judge me right away with a pathetic post? It is his lose really.:rolleyes:
You don't have any advice or good ideas to help this brother.
muslimahs today are too picky.
What exactly do they want? Surely they have the right to decide what they want?
Yeah we muslimahs ARE too picky and we only learn from the best. The men of course :rolleyes: Where do you guys get these silly ideas from? That get married back home so she will be obedient and respect you're wishes. She may do that because she wants the passport. Or 'wwwooowwww, he is breetish' :rolleyes: A few years into the freshy and british marriage the girl holds a conniving attitude which then erupts problems. Good luck guys. By the way. I am not generalising, I mean SOME girls/guys.
SFYP that is it, this is designed to open his eyes even more. Is marriage really all about to give more wealth to the wife? Buy the largest car, buy the largest materialistic thing, have to own 100K or more worth of income, SPEND THOUSANDS and thousands of money on weddings and big bang party...spend over 40k worth of engagement rings, blah blah blah? Well that article over there is exactly an eye opener, I am helping. Women have proven that they are very much as strong and capable as men, in USA for example majority of students in high school and university are female (read the stats). They also make more than men, check lawyers, doctors, etc majority of them are female. Also in news they are saying there are becoming less and less and less male doctors, etc, etc. Why should HE , the man who is making 25k be ignored because he make so less? Why doesn't she make her own money and marry him for what he is, for his good character, for his good heart. No! She doesn't want him because he make only 25k an hour. That article over there exactly shows the light.
As for men marrying an obedience wife...I think those men should stop it. It makes men look bad and women look victim. Those days have changed, a man cannot be a man because all fingers will be pointed at him and if he sits on the corner and obeys his wife all fingers point at him for being a wuss. I say it is time wife and husband seek complete equality, she can go where ever she wants and he goes where ever he wants. She work and he works, share fifty in house-hold, her money is her money and his money is his money, marriage become for love and not wealth and control. If such things not possible then that article again proofs the case.
Amazing how you censored the article too.
I know a lot of brothers go back home as a last option due to being unsuccessful. But has anyone got experience of this? Are they happy that they went back home to get married to sisters there?
I know plenty of brothers who chose to marry back home. Not as a last option, and they are very happy and have talented, appreciative and supportive ladies behind them.
What exactly do they want? Surely they have the right to decide what they want?
Everyone has a right to choose but being picky is a different thing. Thats why most people dont end up getting married cause they are looking for the perfect person who will follow and fit their every need and wants without them doing any sacrifices. Thats what i mean by picky and thats a growing trend.
Yeah we muslimahs ARE too picky and we only learn from the best. The men of course :rolleyes: Where do you guys get these silly ideas from? That get married back home so she will be obedient and respect you're wishes. She may do that because she wants the passport. Or 'wwwooowwww, he is breetish' :rolleyes: A few years into the freshy and british marriage the girl holds a conniving attitude which then erupts problems. Good luck guys. By the way. I am not generalising, I mean SOME girls/guys.
Glad your not generalising
smile_2008
08-02-08, 07:29 PM
its awful peoplea are trying to take a micky about brother what if this happens to you. he is not doing anything wrong but just want to get married
but i think he should go back home to get married i think womens here think
thay are from heaven and other people are from juipter .i will pray for you .
wish you good luck:hidban:dont forget to invite me cos i want meethay meethay chawal
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