P.D.A.'s

[Arabiyya]

Asalaamu Aleikum.

A year ago, a few sisters and I had a bit of a discourse over an issue of PDA's. (Public displays of affection).

We were at a speech being given by a Muslim (Sheikh) one night, and his talk went on almost an hour longer than it should have. The men and the women were separated, as we're a university crowd, but one woman sat next to her husband on the empty side of the auditorium. At 11 o'clock at night, the Sheikh said it would be time for a Q&A session. The woman, sitting with her husband, simply tilted her head sleepily onto the shoulder of her husband.

At this moment the sheikh became furious and told them to separate, and made a bit of a scene.

After the whole thing was over, I turned to my friends and said "I can't believe he would make a fuss like that over a husband and wife!!!" but my friend replied with "That's disgusting, why would she have done that in public??"

As you can imagine, I don't see ANY harm in it at all..and later the girl and I discussed this. I think that as long as you're married, you can show any affection to your spouse, within reason. Saying I love you, or a quick kiss on the cheek, holding hands, or sitting together seems completely entirely harmless. --My friend, however, said that it was all wrong because such displays would make younger, unmarried men and women, jealous..and perhaps entice them to engage in such behaviors BEFORE marriage.

Which I think is ridiculous. Any younger, unmarried, people know that they can have whatever they want from their own spouse when they get married, Inshallah.

I just wanted some different views on the situation. Public displays of affection: okay, or not okay??

[GuCcI]

hand holding cute :love:

head on shoulder? iffy, depends on where u are and who ur with. i am not surprised by sheikh's reaction especially if hes an elder cuz it can be seen as disrespectful? too touchy and too much affection in front of elders can be labelled as "shameless" lol...

one time me and my dad were out and there was a muslim couple being reeeallyy touchy and super in love and i could see my dad's eyes raging with anger with my peripheral vision :rotfl: his reaction was hilarious :p

peck on the cheek/forehead? adorable! especially after a long trip :o

in fact i'd want my husband to hold my hand and not walk in front (or behind....) me

okay im outy now :outta:

[belal1]

as salamu alaikum,

ask what the shariah says on this matter and if public display of affection is haram, then why would it matter what we think when the law is already clear. and i think you know pretty well that it is haram in islam anyway. chances are, if you can't do it in saudi arabia, then u shouldn't do it anywhere.


as salamu alaikum

[.: Anna :.]

I think they should not do that in the talk.. if she needs to sleep better if they go home
but also not too comfy about the fact that shaykh draws attention to that infront of everyone :S

[RashidD]

I think they should not do that in the talk.. if she needs to sleep better if they go home
but also not too comfy about the fact that shaykh draws attention to that infront of everyone :S

Same.

PDAs are better to avoid InshaALLAH... Especially things like kisses (even on the cheek) etc.
Holding hands is circumstantial... Perhaps it can be done due to need e.g. crowded place to keep hold of your wife etc. but avoid if it's romantically done InshaALLAH.

[RashidD]

Mullahs hate any happiness or warmth in life. They think Muslims' marriages should be the cold, loveless, mechanical relationships that charaecterise our whole lives.

We have a textbook for marriage... It's called Qur'an and Sunnah. When you give advice you're supposed to follow it, not just your nafs.

[sis_niqabi]

salam

elders are not the only ones who do not like it.

i don't like seeing any pdas either. i think display of affection should be done at home not for everybody and their grandmas to see.

[muhammed_1428]

I'm half half on this

I think the Sheikh should not have publicly done that in frotn of the audience - its embarassing for the couple especially for the sister who may well have done it without realising...

Then again, 'PDAs' (the handheld ones are so cool :p ) are so-so - I mean of course you can't go as far as kiss in public... IMO maybe even a kiss on the cheek in public is too much, I agree with the point made earlier about younger generations also wanting to do it - I mean yeh sure we know we can't be doing things before marriage - but even an ounce of passion for someone else is all the shaytaan needs to get us to do more and more with them.

A good friend of mine made the point that why does he need to show affection for his wife publicly? He loves her for the sake of Allah SWT and no one else - he couldn't care less what other people thought about his marriage because he would know that he loved her, end of - I kind of see his point, but personally if my wife said 'hold my hand' I would... Until an old sheikh told us to stop... (knowing me I'd probably feel to argue back but wouldn't get anywhere...)...

[Raashid]

salam

elders are not the only ones who do not like it.

i don't like seeing any pdas either. i think display of affection should be done at home not for everybody and their grandmas to see.

I agree to some extent, depends what you mean by public and PDA. I've seen for example in a certain culture that a husband a wife even displaying friendliness in their own home as being bad. By this, I mean the wife calls he husband by a pet nickname and jokes with him, that sort of thing. The strict elders then chastise her and talk of how she's so bold and Westernised, how dare she be so brazen in public - even though it's in the home, the only other people there are their family!
They think holding hands is scandalous, they act like it's snogging in public!