Being married

[Kubs]

Being married forces you to fine tune those not-so-great-aspects of yourself and strive to be better. Love comes in here too; when you are in a loving relationship (and in love and loved); you have this amazing reservoir of energy within you that allows you to flourish and nurture. It brings out the best in you and makes you strive to be better because someone cares and loves you; and vice versa. It is kind of like how we instinctively react to another's perception of us, when they think well of us and believe in us, we want to do even better; but when they disparage us we will get defensive.

Is it any wonder that our beloved prophet (saw) said that marriage is half of faith?

Anonymous

:outta:

[XRUHYX]

I don't think it's a must though for them to speak from what I remember...

That's what I thought, it's not a must. As long as you do the research and like them enough to get married, feelings can grow after marriage Inshallah.

[.: Anna :.]

okay... all the replies have been deleted. so let's start again and this time no rubbish please

[insomniac]

That's what I thought, it's not a must. As long as you do the research and like them enough to get married, feelings can grow after marriage Inshallah.

:up: insha'Allaah

[Kubs]

I don't think it's a must though for them to speak from what I remember...

It's not a must...but a sensible person would want to know who they are marrying. What are their dislikes and likes? Their opinions on certain issues? Do they click? lol. Do they share common interests? Are they compatible? Are they attracted to each other?

Why would someone blindly marry another individual? You are going to be spending the rest of your life with this person. Marriage is a serious thing and should not be taken so lightly....

[muslima_89]

whay should they share common intrests, isn't it the opposited that attract? and the likes which repel?

[Kubs]

whay should they share common intrests, isn't it the opposited that attract? and the likes which repel?

That's just physics :rolleyes: When it comes to marriage, it won't work.

[muslima_89]

really, what if i said i know people, and they were so very alike, and thats where the problems sprang from..not one couple but several

[Kubs]

really, what if i said i know people, and they were so very alike, and thats where the problems sprang from..not one couple but several

Not every marriage is perfect :up:

[muslima_89]

true, but how can you know if your compatible with just one meeting? they could be putting it on .. why not find out from other people close aquatinces...there u'll save urself from sin (speaking to them over the phone or whatever)

[Kubs]

true, but how can you know if your compatible with just one meeting? they could be putting it on .. why not find out from other people close aquatinces...there u'll save urself from sin (speaking to them over the phone or whatever)

What makes you think there is going to be one meeting? Several meetings....if not...plenty of meetings....until you are completely sure he/she is the one.

Obviously you're not going to trust everything he/she says. They could be pretending, which is why you speak to friends and family.

[Saudi Prince]

Love, the mysterious word that many people have no clue of! Many people think love will drop from the sky as soon as they get married when they treat their parents and friends not nicely! The word delusion comes to mind!

[Saudi Prince]

What makes you think there is going to be one meeting? Several meetings....if not...plenty of meetings....until you are completely sure he/she is the one.

Obviously you're not going to trust everything he/she says. They could be pretending, which is why you speak to friends and family.

Have a 1000,000 meetings and you will never know his real personality unless you live with him or someone tells you about him!

[muhammed_1428]

People who seem to think they are looking for 'Mr or Mrs Right' are silly - of course we all have a particular criteria we'd like them to meet - but those who suddenly think the world has ended when one of those criteria aren't met, or if something they thought was met wasn;t how they thought it was need to think seriously.

Realistic criteria:

Practising, OR, is willing to practise, not "oh I'll listen to the talk when I have the time" but "Ayni do you have any new talks I want to listen to some"

Intelligent - and NO, intelligence is NOT measured by their qualifications, subhanullah its like the first thing people ask is "where did they study, what did they study? 2:2? No thanks"... Or "Oh right... cool... He/she studied there did they?" or "Are you joking? they don't even have a-levels?" Of course we don't want some random ignoramus off the boat - but ppl seem to think a good degree is a measure of someone's character - rather (and unfortunately to a certain extent) a degree could be a measure of someone's ability to put food on the table!

Seems like you could have a sister who is charming, intelligent and willingly-pious, but then "oh man forget it she has a beauty spot on her face" or "what kind of person doesn't agree that Hamas is the key to peace?". Likewise, you could have a brother who has the same attributed but then "oh man he went to Middlesex? Not Kings or UCL? I wouldve said yes to QM but forget it..." or "he snores in his sleep".

Compromise is inevitable in marriage. In-Evi-Ta-ble!! So give thanks to the qadr of Allah SWT and make the most of any happiness in this Dunya.

P.S. And of course - one can have as many meetings as they wish - but its annoying when someone had like 50 meetings to decide, and then a year into the marriage its "TalaQ!" or "give me talaq" because of some minor trivial issues like, I dunno "She won't let me teach the kids about Jihad" or "He won't let me get our baby's ears pierced"

[insomniac]

Intelligent - and NO, intelligence is NOT measured by their qualifications, subhanullah its like the first thing people ask is "where did they study, what did they study? 2:2? No thanks"... Or "Oh right... cool... He/she studied there did they?" or "Are you joking? they don't even have a-levels?" Of course we don't want some random ignoramus off the boat - but ppl seem to think a good degree is a measure of someone's character - rather (and unfortunately to a certain extent) a degree could be a measure of someone's ability to put food on the table!



Compromise is inevitable in marriage. In-Evi-Ta-ble!! So give thanks to the qadr of Allah SWT and make the most of any happiness in this Dunya.


Indeed...:jkk: a degree does not at all measure whether one will be able to provide or even be a good person in terms of character :up:

[Kubs]

People who seem to think they are looking for 'Mr or Mrs Right' are silly - of course we all have a particular criteria we'd like them to meet - but those who suddenly think the world has ended when one of those criteria aren't met, or if something they thought was met wasn;t how they thought it was need to think seriously.

Realistic criteria:

Practising, OR, is willing to practise, not "oh I'll listen to the talk when I have the time" but "Ayni do you have any new talks I want to listen to some"

Intelligent - and NO, intelligence is NOT measured by their qualifications, subhanullah its like the first thing people ask is "where did they study, what did they study? 2:2? No thanks"... Or "Oh right... cool... He/she studied there did they?" or "Are you joking? they don't even have a-levels?" Of course we don't want some random ignoramus off the boat - but ppl seem to think a good degree is a measure of someone's character - rather (and unfortunately to a certain extent) a degree could be a measure of someone's ability to put food on the table!

Seems like you could have a sister who is charming, intelligent and willingly-pious, but then "oh man forget it she has a beauty spot on her face" or "what kind of person doesn't agree that Hamas is the key to peace?". Likewise, you could have a brother who has the same attributed but then "oh man he went to Middlesex? Not Kings or UCL? I wouldve said yes to QM but forget it..." or "he snores in his sleep".

Compromise is inevitable in marriage. In-Evi-Ta-ble!! So give thanks to the qadr of Allah SWT and make the most of any happiness in this Dunya.

P.S. And of course - one can have as many meetings as they wish - but its annoying when someone had like 50 meetings to decide, and then a year into the marriage its "TalaQ!" or "give me talaq" because of some minor trivial issues like, I dunno "She won't let me teach the kids about Jihad" or "He won't let me get our baby's ears pierced"

I couldn't agree more.

As for the meetings...too much isn't good....and neither is too little. You should be given enough time to know the person.

[Kal-El]

Is Kubs thinking of getting married?

[Redmist]

Being married forces you to fine tune those not-so-great-aspects of yourself and strive to be better. Love comes in here too; when you are in a loving relationship (and in love and loved); you have this amazing reservoir of energy within you that allows you to flourish and nurture. It brings out the best in you and makes you strive to be better because someone cares and loves you; and vice versa. It is kind of like how we instinctively react to another's perception of us, when they think well of us and believe in us, we want to do even better; but when they disparage us we will get defensive.

Is it any wonder that our beloved prophet (saw) said that marriage is half of faith?

Anonymous

:outta:


lol......true that paragraph bt when ur in love or in a loving relationship.

Good observation that Kubs :up:

[Kubs]

Is Kubs thinking of getting married?


:rolleyes:

[zammy]

You'll never truly know the person until you live with them. That's what I've been told anyway :rolleyes:

[Kal-El]

And just because you know them well doesn't mean you'll have a happy marriage. Just look at Kuffar relationships. We Muslims, as we are told to have no relations with the opposite gender, might automatically assume that we need to know a persons intimate details before agreeing to such a major thing like being married to them,but like Zammy says above, how far can one take that? To live with them? To date them like the Kuffar, who ironically have the vast vast majority of marriages end in divorce?

Marriage is about how willing you are to work in a relationship with the opposite person. You grow with each other. That's not to say its not important to know some details about them prior to the Nikah, but it shouldn't be such a critical issue that people delay their decisions and do haraam whilst trying to get to know the other better. It's not worth it as you see.

[Joha]

Have a 1000,000 meetings and you will never know his real personality unless you live with him or someone tells you about him!

nah, your gut feelings are nearly always right. First impressions are nearly always enough to know whether somebody is a nice person or not.

[Kubs]

And just because you know them well doesn't mean you'll have a happy marriage. Just look at Kuffar relationships. We Muslims, as we are told to have no relations with the opposite gender, might automatically assume that we need to know a persons intimate details before agreeing to such a major thing like being married to them,but like Zammy says above, how far can one take that? To live with them? To date them like the Kuffar, who ironically have the vast vast majority of marriages end in divorce?

Marriage is about how willing you are to work in a relationship with the opposite person. You grow with each other. That's not to say its not important to know some details about them prior to the Nikah, but it shouldn't be such a critical issue that people delay their decisions and do haraam whilst trying to get to know the other better. It's not worth it as you see.


Obviously you don't need to know every detail...just the important ones. For instance is he practicing? How will he provide for the family? What are his plans for the future? etc etc.

Also you get to know the person in a halal way...with the presence of a mahram....not alone.

[Kal-El]

A brother just needs to know if shes pretty or not. I joke

[insomniac]

A brother just needs to know if shes pretty or not. I joke


typical :rolleyes:
edit: just read the white bit :p

[GuCcI]

typical :rolleyes:

lol sis attraction is important :p

[Kubs]

A brother just needs to know if shes pretty or not. I joke


Tut tut tut tut :rolleyes:

[insomniac]

lol sis attraction is important :p

yeh course....but it's not like the guy is gona be some model himself :rolleyes: - looks ain't everything sure there has to be some attraction.... but personality is far more important....

[Kubs]

yeh course....but it's not like the guy is gona be some model himself :rolleyes: - looks ain't everything sure there has to be some attraction.... but personality is far more important....

Even if he's a model...doesn't mean he has to be shallow? lol

[Kal-El]

I find it hilarious those brothers/sisters who need their potential to be really good looking, whilst they themselves are anything but :rotfl:

Even if he's a model...doesn't mean he has to be shallow? lol

Read the white bit in my post Kubs

[insomniac]

I find it hilarious those brothers/sisters who need their potential to be really good looking, whilst they themselves are anything but :rotfl:


looks are just skin deep - one accident can change it all (sorry for sounding so morbid)

[Kubs]

Read the white bit in my post Kubs

I have :p

[Kal-El]

looks are just skin deep - one accident can change it all (sorry for sounding so morbid)

Yeah, looks aren't vital but attraction is somewhat if we're being sensible here. Not many would accept to marry someone they found unattractive. But attractive doesn't mean you're a model, there are ofcourse levels of attraction

[LastFriday]

:jkk: for sharing with us. It was a good to read.

Also this thread just turned into another, PERSONALITY vs LOOKS thread >.> GG

[$HugoBoss$]

yeh course....but it's not like the guy is gona be some model himself :rolleyes: - looks ain't everything sure there has to be some attraction.... but personality is far more important....

*ahem*

[zammy]

*ahem*

gotta bad cough there hugo?

[insomniac]

*ahem*


http://www.pharmacy2u.co.uk/images/catalogue/medium/LemsipMaxFluLemon.jpg

[SisterIslam]

:rofl1::rofl1::rofl1::rofl1:

[$HugoBoss$]

gotta bad cough there hugo?

http://www.pharmacy2u.co.uk/images/catalogue/medium/LemsipMaxFluLemon.jpg

:rotfl: :o :outta:

[miss-islamic]

That’s the positive way to look at it… the other is that it’s basically about putting up with each other b.s.’s. God knows it’s hard.

[Kubs]

That’s the positive way to look at it… the other is that it’s basically about putting up with each other b.s.’s. God knows it’s hard.

b.s.'s?