View Full Version : wot to do if a wife.......
smile_2008
31-01-08, 11:15 AM
wot should be a husbands response if a wife say to her husband your mum is a ***** i seen this happening and was shocked but i was confused just wanna know wot u guys think if you r in this situation wot u do
man the wife has no respect. I know what my brother would have done..If she said in when she was in a 'sane state' then..theres no excuse.
man the wife has no respect. I know what my brother would have done..If she said in when she was in a 'sane state' then..theres no excuse.
what if its true though ? and the wife is sick of this woman interfering in her life and making all her days miserable some mother in laws can be total bleeps and i would expect my husband to sort her out, and not get angry for me speaking the truth... otherwise i would leave him to live with his mummy alone. too many evil women in this ummah who get away with totally unacceptable behaviour and cause so many problems in peoples marriages, and just because they are somebodys mother, that doesnt mean the son should allow his mother to behave towards his wife like that. a mother will also answer to Allah ta ala about her behaviour she is not exempt from that. mothers need to remember that their sons wives are their sisters in Islam too...
.: Anna :.
31-01-08, 11:22 AM
I think even if it is true, there are other ways to deal with the problem :S
If she says that, then obviously husband will become annoyed with her and not gonna be very pleased.
If mum in law was interfering, she should tell husband in a non insulting way and without bad language...
what if its true though ? and the wife is sick of this woman interfering in her life and making all her days miserable some mother in laws can be total bleeps and i would expect my husband to sort her out, and not get angry for me speaking the truth... otherwise i would leave him to live with his mummy alone.
Oh okay so theres two situations..
let me be honest with you..wether it was true or not she still doesn' have the right to name call his mother in a rude manner. That shows her ettiquettes and manners as well.
If the mother in law is like that then the husband should not sit back and blindly let the drama carry on as though its all hunky dory in the house. He should sort it out.
If it's not true then god forbid what happens then.
smile_2008
31-01-08, 11:24 AM
what if its true though ? and the wife is sick of this woman interfering in her life and making all her days miserable some mother in laws can be total bleeps and i would expect my husband to sort her out, and not get angry for me speaking the truth... otherwise i would leave him to live with his mummy alone. too many evil women in this ummah who get away with totally unacceptable behaviour and cause so many problems in peoples marriages, and just because they are somebodys mother, that doesnt mean the son should allow his mother to behave towards his wife like that. a mother will also answer to Allah ta ala about her behaviour she is not exempt from that. mothers need to remember that their sons wives are their sisters in Islam too...
no his mum was not even there she was saying to her husband that ur mum is i dont know wots wrongs with girls
no his mum was not even there she was saying to her husband that ur mum is i dont know wots wrongs with girls
Is the mother at fault?
smile_2008
31-01-08, 11:30 AM
i dont know thay never get on with each other but i dont think it was u know wot british womens like
i dont know thay never get on with each other but i dont think it was u know wot british womens like
Err excuse me? I don't know what british women are like..can you elaborate please?
no his mum was not even there she was saying to her husband that ur mum is i dont know wots wrongs with girls
Allahu alam some muslim men are just too weird about their mothers, they allow them to do unislamic things, they allow them to dictate and run their lives, and u cannot even mention a mans mother even in passing conversation in a nice way without him getting offended, one example all i did was ask if i might actually cook in my own kitchen that day and could he please tell his mother i will be making dinner tonight then i got " dont bring my mother, why u mention my mother, dont say anything about my mother, i kill u if u mention my mother again " ( and me and my mother in law got on very well and she is lovely btw )
:smack: i hate mummys boys
The prophet salAllahu alleyhi wa salam said speak the truth even if it is against yourself...and that goes for speaking out against evilmother in laws too, because some men are not aware of what goes on when they arent around, the mothers are treating these daughter in laws in such a snidey way when no one else is around, but as soon as their sons are there again they act like the perfect mother.. and only the daughter in law knows the truth. seen it farrrrr too many times since i became a muslim, it seems to be a part of some ppls culture to allow mothers to get away with murder while the poor wife suffers her whole married life through.
enjoining the good and forbidding the evil also applies to mothers, and if a mans wife comes to him and is so upset that she says that, then he should ask her what his mother did to make her so upset...
i dont know thay never get on with each other but i dont think it was u know wot british womens like
r u algerian or asian by any chance :rolleyes:
Um_yusuf
31-01-08, 11:37 AM
Salaam
There is no excuse or justification whatsoever for bad language or insults towards your mother in law, she should be respected as you would respect your own mother.
smile_2008
31-01-08, 11:38 AM
Err excuse me? I don't know what british women are like..can you elaborate please?
i am so sorry i am saying some womens dont like their in laws for not a major reason. thay just dont like them i am not talking about pious muslim womens i do really respect them from my heart i would never say anything like that
smile_2008
31-01-08, 11:39 AM
r u algerian or asian by any chance :rolleyes:
no i am alien lol
i am so sorry i am saying some womens dont like their in laws for not a major reason. thay just dont like them i am not talking about pious muslim womens i do really respect them from my heart i would never say anything like that
So what was british women got to do with it? I presume shes british then?
There are many Indian and Paki girls from 'back home' that possess and even worse attitude towards their spouse and family.:rolleyes:
smile_2008
31-01-08, 11:43 AM
So what was british women got to do with it? I presume shes british them?
There are many Indian and Paki girls from 'back home' that possess and even worse attitude towards their spouse and family.:rolleyes:
now you got it right lol
Saudi Prince
31-01-08, 11:44 AM
I think even if it is true, there are other ways to deal with the problem :S
If she says that, then obviously husband will become annoyed with her and not gonna be very pleased.
If mum in law was interfering, she should tell husband in a non insulting way and without bad language...
Yes I agree she has the right to complain about it but insults are not accepted no matter how bad the mother is!
And yes the husband will feel insulted but he must also be just and deal with the problem fairly. The fact his wife insulted him (by insulting his mother) must not make him unfair.
Saudi Prince
31-01-08, 11:45 AM
what if its true though ? and the wife is sick of this woman interfering in her life and making all her days miserable some mother in laws can be total bleeps and i would expect my husband to sort her out, and not get angry for me speaking the truth... otherwise i would leave him to live with his mummy alone. too many evil women in this ummah who get away with totally unacceptable behaviour and cause so many problems in peoples marriages, and just because they are somebodys mother, that doesnt mean the son should allow his mother to behave towards his wife like that. a mother will also answer to Allah ta ala about her behaviour she is not exempt from that. mothers need to remember that their sons wives are their sisters in Islam too...
Insults do not solve the problem.
I think even if it is true, there are other ways to deal with the problem :S
If she says that, then obviously husband will become annoyed with her and not gonna be very pleased.
If mum in law was interfering, she should tell husband in a non insulting way and without bad language...
yeah thats true cuz then he'll just turn on her, theres a nicer way to describe how horrible mil might be.
even if the mil is just as mean as cinderella's step mom, swearing at her to your hubby really doesnt help your case :scratch: just makes u look immature and rude and he'll just get mad at wifey for disrespect.
its better if she sits him down and tells him nicely WHY she thinks shes that way. and if the hubby is a fair guy, he'll hear u out and act accordingly.
Omar Mukhtar
31-01-08, 11:50 AM
Stop speaking to her, until she goes and and apologizes to husbands mom, her MIL.
Insults do not solve the problem.
if its the word im thinking of beggining with b then its not an insult at all, its more a summary of an attitude which is summed up in the english language with this word because it denotes someone with a very nasty, snappy, snidey and vicious character and sums up this attitude more than any other word in the english language would.
where i come from we do not consider this word to be an insult, but an expression of a certain type of character. the issue here is not one word, it is what did the mother do , to make the wife so upset that she would come out and say that to her husband ... there has to be a lot more going on before a daughter in law will come to that conclusion about her mother in laws character.
Stop speaking to her, until she goes and and apologizes to husbands mom, her MIL.
would that be okay if the wife stopped talking to her husband if he insulted her mother the same way?
.: Anna :.
31-01-08, 11:52 AM
i think definately a husband cd find the b word insulting tho if applied to his mum.
like if someone called me that word, i would find it an insult... pretty much it is an insulting word and some ppl class it a swear word?
Omar Mukhtar
31-01-08, 11:55 AM
would that be okay if the wife stopped talking to her husband if he insulted her mother the same way?
yh, but women like talking. Dont know how long the wifey will last not talking to the hubby.
i think definately a husband cd find the b word insulting tho if applied to his mum.
like if someone called me that word, i would find it an insult... pretty much it is an insulting word and some ppl class it a swear word?
Yes, I class it as a swear word.
Saudi Prince
31-01-08, 11:57 AM
if its the word im thinking of beggining with b then its not an insult at all, its more a summary of an attitude which is summed up in the english language with this word because it denotes someone with a very nasty, snappy, snidey and vicious character and sums up this attitude more than any other word in the english language would.
where i come from we do not consider this word to be an insult, but an expression of a certain type of character. the issue here is not one word, it is what did the mother do , to make the wife so upset that she would come out and say that to her husband ... there has to be a lot more going on before a daughter in law will come to that conclusion about her mother in laws character.
I just do not believe that you won't get insulted if someone says to your mother 'you bit**'! NO WAY!
i think definately a husband cd find the b word insulting tho if applied to his mum.
like if someone called me that word, i would find it an insult... pretty much it is an insulting word and some ppl class it a swear word?
culture difference i suppose we class cr*p and pi***d as swear words, but not b**ch thats just taken as a fact about someones nature, they are just a b****y person. well anyway not that i use often but i`ll be sure not to use this word in front of non islanders in the future :p
yh, but women like talking. Dont know how long the wifey will last not talking to the hubby.
:smack:
I just do not believe that you won't get insulted if someone says to your mother 'you bit**'! NO WAY!
wallahi i would ask why ? what did she do ? ( obviously there was something terrible to make a person say that... its called cause and effect ) all mothers are not angels u know they are just as capable as evil as anyone else. take the cultural blinkers off mothers can be awful to their daughter in laws.
if its the word im thinking of beggining with b then its not an insult at all, its more a summary of an attitude which is summed up in the english language with this word because it denotes someone with a very nasty, snappy, snidey and vicious character and sums up this attitude more than any other word in the english language would.
where i come from we do not consider this word to be an insult, but an expression of a certain type of character. the issue here is not one word, it is what did the mother do , to make the wife so upset that she would come out and say that to her husband ... there has to be a lot more going on before a daughter in law will come to that conclusion about her mother in laws character.
I guess where you come from, people are probably very lenient with the words they choose to speak with each other :S
I have never come across anyone who would have thought it not to be an insult.
We don't even know the situation..if the initiator of the thread could explain?
.: Anna :.
31-01-08, 12:00 PM
culture difference i suppose we class cr*p and pi***d as swear words, but not b**ch thats just taken as a fact about someones nature, they are just a b****y person. well anyway not that i use often but i`ll be sure not to use this word in front of non islanders in the future :p
lol yeh will be better to be cautious about that word if u come over here! definately people will be offended
lol yeh will be better to be cautious about that word if u come over here! definately people will be offended
yes i will thanks for that ukhti :up: :jkk: lol even freinds say it to each other here like oh u were such a ***** to that person and they might reply oh was i ? i didnt mean to be.. its no big deal to us, its just means u behaved in a vicious and nasty way, and we consider it a helpful thing to point out if we behaved like that :S but then we only had english here for 60 years ...so bear with us we`ll catch up :p
wot should be a husbands response if a wife say to her husband your mum is a ***** i seen this happening and was shocked but i was confused just wanna know wot u guys think if you r in this situation wot u do
Nauzubillah-Min-Zaliq!
In my Opinion The verse on Beating the Wife Implies here, if she doesn't Desist from this activity on the 3rd warning ... so long as no Lasting mark if left ...
Personally I have never heard anyone say such a thing about their In-Laws,
the use of such Filth is Prohibited in the Furqan, whatever the circumstance, nor does it do any benefit to the person who says it, but on the contrary causes loss (gain of Evil-deeds being recorded by the angels) ...
Al-Quran, Chapter 49 : 11
-------------------------
"O ye who believe! Let not some men among you laugh at others: It may be that the (latter) are better than the (former): Nor let some women laugh at others: It may be that the (latter are better than the (former): Nor defame nor be sarcastic to each other, nor call each other by (offensive) nicknames: Ill-seeming is a name connoting wickedness, (to be used of one) after he has believed: And those who do not desist are (indeed) doing wrong."
:jkk:
Medievalist
31-01-08, 01:58 PM
Unfortunately I cant answer this question as it may cause problems for me later on. But the minimum is one divorce. Thats a divorceable offence in my eyes.
Fitnah Bolice
31-01-08, 02:39 PM
If she doesn't respect her mother in law, what are the chances she will respect you?
In my opinion it would take someone with a real bad character to utter those words to anyones mother let alone her own mother in law, the least I would do is stay away from her for a certain amount of time.
stephenoskie
31-01-08, 02:48 PM
wot should be a husbands response if a wife say to her husband your mum is a ***** i seen this happening and was shocked but i was confused just wanna know wot u guys think if you r in this situation wot u do
First of all I wouldnt reply and just repay her with silence, till she gets annoyued basically it will embrass her, even though she may not show it on the out side but the inside will burn, Also Silence will hurt alot more than a punch
His response shouldv'e been: "You're the _________- not my Mum".
stephenoskie
31-01-08, 03:24 PM
His response shouldv'e been: "You're the _________- not my Mum".
Then that makes him as bad as him, DONT relaiate just ignore her it will hurt more
Saudi Prince
31-01-08, 03:25 PM
His response shouldv'e been: "You're the _________- not my Mum".
A wise man wouldn't say that! 2 wrongs do not make a right!
stephenoskie
31-01-08, 03:27 PM
A wise man wouldn't say that! 2 wrongs do not make a right!
Like I said
muslim_sis
31-01-08, 03:38 PM
This is a rather strange thread ... If you are in such a situation shouldn't you talk to your wife and tell her that insulting his mum wont get a problem with her anywhere and he could explain his hurt and hope she realises and discusses what ever the problem is.
To divorce over that, hmm...maybe she was very angry (not that its much of an excuse) but communication is better than just divorcing.
stephenoskie
31-01-08, 03:40 PM
This is a rather strange thread ... If you are in such a situation shouldn't you talk to your wife and tell her that insulting his mum wont get a problem with her anywhere and he could explain his hurt and hope she realises and discusses what ever the problem is.
To divorce over that, hmm...maybe she was very angry (not that its much of an excuse) but communication is better than just divorcing.
Hmmm yeah,m but silence is golden lol :d onli messin
muslim_sis
31-01-08, 03:45 PM
Hmmm yeah,m but silence is golden lol :d onli messin
In such a situation the anger or whatever will just grow inside resulting in something worse!!
Then that makes him as bad as him, DONT relaiate just ignore her it will hurt more
It would be better for him to ignore her, but he may react emotionally.
stephenoskie
31-01-08, 03:46 PM
In such a situation the anger or whatever will just grow inside resulting in something worse!!
yeah Ive been in that situation where anger takes over your actions
stephenoskie
31-01-08, 03:47 PM
It would be better for him to ignore her, but he may react emotionally.
its all about self control and discplincing your self
The best thing for him to do would be to ask his wife what made her say such terrible thing. There must be a reason. Some mother-in-laws are nice towards their daughter-in-law and some aren't.
Medievalist
31-01-08, 04:54 PM
To divorce over that, hmm...maybe she was very angry (not that its much of an excuse) but communication is better than just divorcing.
Everyones got their own standard - for me thats a divorceable offence. simple.
muhammed_1428
31-01-08, 05:56 PM
Ask her if she means it - if she does, then ask her to elaborate, and try and find a solution to why she may feel like this.
When she's finished saying her 'reasons', then tell her why you married her, and tell her to take her comments back.
If she seriously means it and doesn't want to take it back, inform your parents and hers.
If she is still being ridiculously stubborn, re-consider the marriage.
$HugoBoss$
31-01-08, 06:03 PM
I would say when do we sign the divorce papers :rolleyes:
The best thing for him to do would be to ask his wife what made her say such terrible thing. There must be a reason. Some mother-in-laws are nice towards their daughter-in-law and some aren't.
sah im not understanding why most people are dismissing the fact that the mother must have done something terrible to her daughter in law or her children so that she would say such that about her. if someone said that about my mother i would say why, what has she done ? i would not jump up and down about my mother this and my mother that, because i know that a mother is just person, who is pefectly capable of evil too .
I have seen far too many times since i became a muslim, women being tormented by their own mother in laws, and their husbands are too weak in character and too proud and too afraid due to the cultural trait that is so prevellant in many parts of this ummah, the emotional blackmail, which begins at the hands of these mothers from before marriage , right though the marriage, to the eventual break up of the marriage and all due to the husband beleiveing his mother could do no wrong and not beleiving anything his poor long suffering wife has to say.
these people are too afraid to correct the evil, thus assisting their mothers on the road to hellfire, we need to enjoin the good and forbid the evil, even when it comes to our mothers. we are ordered to try to stop people committing opression on others for the good of the one who is being opressed, and the one who is the opressor.
Medievalist
31-01-08, 06:09 PM
Asiyah - I cant speak for others but as there are only two bros who said that they'd give her a divorce (me and hugo) Im assuming that atleast in part your post is a response to mine.
For me, I gave my answer based on my situation. I know what my mother is like and seriously she is perfect as a mother and as a mother-in-law; soft, gentle and kind. Not demanding or bossy, subhanALLAH she never slapped us once. Discipline was left for my dad to handle. She was the nurturer and thats it. So in my situation - if ever a wife of mine used such words for my mother then she knows where the door is.
The other thing its partly the husbands fault, probably. If he hasnt made clear upon his wife the rank his mother has in his eyes, then she may be brave to chat about his mother or even swear at her. If thats the case then the husband is at fault for not impressing on her the importance his mother has in his eyes. Giving myself as an example - one of the first things that was made clear after my nikah was that if my mother is pleased with you then Im pleased, if you want me to be pleased then make sure you treat my mom like she deserves. simple.
yeah i think most of us if not all feel that way about our moms^ :love:
His response shouldv'e been: "You're the _________- not my Mum".
Ukthi if he said that than he too would be committing a Sin, prohibited in the Quran ...
the best is to explain and warn her never to repeat such an offence, not to use abusive words to describe anyone, let alone his mother, if she continues, then she has issues to deal with ... there are many steps that can be taken to resolve this issue ... Swearing back at her is not one ...
also I would like to mention that advising anyone to commit a Sin, is Haram, and if the person commits the said act, you will also be responsible partially, and hence your book of deeds will have another Evil deed recorded to your loss ...
:jkk:
spark her ..one time :outta:
ummbilal
31-01-08, 06:54 PM
wot should be a husbands response if a wife say to her husband your mum is a ***** i seen this happening and was shocked but i was confused just wanna know wot u guys think if you r in this situation wot u do
Sounds like the wife has reached the end of her teather, i guess you should ask why?
PiElle2
01-02-08, 03:05 AM
her own husband is the son of her mother-in-law therefore the by-product of the "________". doesn't she know she is insulting herself... sorry... i think the wife is being stupid... and need some discipline and education... and it's the husband's duty that she has some... thao no need to be harsh about it...
any woman who comes in between her own husband and his mother can't be too much of a good wife... because first of all, she doesn't respect the fact that her own husband came from her MIL.... means she also doesn't respect her own husband... what else can i say...? that's my personal opinion...
PiElle2
01-02-08, 03:08 AM
sah im not understanding why most people are dismissing the fact that the mother must have done something terrible to her daughter in law or her children so that she would say such that about her. if someone said that about my mother i would say why, what has she done ? i would not jump up and down about my mother this and my mother that, because i know that a mother is just person, who is pefectly capable of evil too .
I have seen far too many times since i became a muslim, women being tormented by their own mother in laws, and their husbands are too weak in character and too proud and too afraid due to the cultural trait that is so prevellant in many parts of this ummah, the emotional blackmail, which begins at the hands of these mothers from before marriage , right though the marriage, to the eventual break up of the marriage and all due to the husband beleiveing his mother could do no wrong and not beleiving anything his poor long suffering wife has to say.
these people are too afraid to correct the evil, thus assisting their mothers on the road to hellfire, we need to enjoin the good and forbid the evil, even when it comes to our mothers. we are ordered to try to stop people committing opression on others for the good of the one who is being opressed, and the one who is the opressor.
sis... the mothers of these men has taken care of them for many years since birth... what about the wife...? days, months? there is just no comparison. only compromise... no decent women should take the men away from their mothers... sounds cruel to me. that's my personal opinion.
afsalim
01-02-08, 06:05 AM
wot should be a husbands response if a wife say to her husband your mum is a ***** i seen this happening and was shocked but i was confused just wanna know wot u guys think if you r in this situation wot u do
There might other reasons behind it. Many women have abusive mother-in-laws. I'll refrain from commenting before I know more about this situation.
The word b**** is not on espesially when one says it to the husband about his mum, lets face it she'll be offending him, everyone loves their mum, having said that he being a man in control should get to the bottom of it and not let it go any futher treat them both fairly to see who is at fault.
:salams
There must have been some HUGE issues which were not dealt with for the wife to make such a comment.
I think the responsibility lies with the Husband. He has to be the head of the household and make sure there are no problems between the wife and mother for a situation to deteriorate to such a low. Its too simple to ask what to do WHEN it happens, rather it should never get to a stage FOR it to happen.
The word b**** is not on espesially when one says it to the husband about his mum, lets face it she'll be offending him, everyone loves their mum, having said that he being a man in control should get to the bottom of it and not let it go any further treat them both fairly to see who is at fault.
I should mention that he being the Man has Authority to a certain extent with regard to his wife, not his Mum, who has even greater authority over him ... if his Mother is at Fault he can only advise her ...
in any case this type of behaviour shouldn't be done by any Muslim, whether they're In-Laws were being Harsh on them or not ... people seem to a bit to trigger happy in blurting out words which will only make the issues they have worse ...
:jkk:
Tru_Muslimah
02-02-08, 11:24 AM
salaam
all i am gonna say it that u bro/sis dont really no the real story behind this and u r judging the person.and maybe hu started this thread doesnt have the actual knowledge or no the full story behind it and is making a big deal out of it.
can u plz explain to us fully before we can make any assuptions?there must hav been a reason why she sed that word.
Allah swt knows best
jzk
PiElle2
04-02-08, 01:30 AM
funny the chinese stressed a lot about being obedient eversince we were kids but the meaning of the words are so different...
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