A ruling for the "unruly"?

[Cristiana]

Salam aleykum,

when we learn about Islam we read evrywhere that - after Allah SWT - our biggest duty is towards our parents, unless they ask us to do something unislamic.

Now, does Islam determine which way muslim parents must act towards their children if, despite their best efforts, they become horrible people, sin openly and/or reject Islam?

If your child - may Allah forbid it - became a nasty person, or he was gay or a drunk or a womaniser, or if he chose apostasy... what should we do? should we love them no matter what? or disown them?

[.: Anna :.]

can anyone answer? i wana know aswel :p

[Emani]

This is a very thought-provoking question. I want to only add on that I am interested in an answer as well.

[vorsprung]

IMO theres no out-the-book answer to this one, each incident needs to be approached differently on its own merit.

Sometimes anger will suffice, other times kindness, other times seperation for a while, sometimes outside guidance, counselling, etc etc.

Call me naive, but if parents SINCERELY give an islamic upbrining, Allah will never let their kids go astray. BUT if parents simple do it all because its the norm, or to fit in with society, then sadly, you reap what you sow.

After all the good parents bring in, they still need to realise, Allah will test each and every one of us, nobody knows if they'll pass their tests but having a good solid Islamic upbringing certainly improves your chances.

[dhakiyya]

I don't think you should disown the child, but I do think if they are behaving badly that you should let them know you don't approve of their behaviour, but still love them as your son/daughter. Even if its impossible to live under the same roof, let them (or even tell them to) get a place of their own but don't cut off contact or throw them out on the street. If you cut of contact, what chance do they have of changing their ways? They could end up in a worse situation, being pushed towards the last people you want them to have as friends and confidants.