Marriage decree or mistake

[GainEmaan]

salaam all,

salaam all,

I seek advice. I need to understand if this marriage is a marriage of decree or mistake.

I met my husband through a family member who really liked him. I was told his characteristic/ aklaq was good. During our engagement my husband was on a student visa. I was intended to marry him, but his student visa was cancelled and was put into immigration jail. when he got out i decided to marry him anywaze and if he got deported i would go with him to his country to live. I thought deen wise we werent compatable, but i married him anywaze.

Three days after our marriage, a women comes to our house to tell me she had sex with my husband a month ago before i married him. she tells me that she has sex with him in exchange for legal status in the country. I confronted my husband about this and he started crying. he said he was scared of being deported and tricked. he said he realized he was wrong and stopped his wrongdoing with her to marry me. (we were intended to marry, but i wasnt sure and he knew it)
Words cannot describe how i felt. anything said would be an understatement. i was a virigin who stuck to my deen. After this I had two options- end the marriage after 3 days of being married or work out the marriage. i worked out the marriage. so i went to his country to live. the whole time we have been married i was giving him dawah, hoping Allah will make him into the muslim i wanted to marry. Alhamdulillah, now he is into the deen. he prays every pray at the masijad, has a beard and memorizes quran.
The problem:
1. i can stop thinking about what he did
2. i keep thinking he married me for status (for we stayed in his country until i was able to sponsor him)
3. my emaan has decreaed.
4. i never really liked him, and deep in my heart i still dont. we have a child together

please advise what should i do. why Allah gives such a bad thing to happen or is it my mistake

jazaka Allah khair

[$HugoBoss$]

Walikum Salam

:confused:

[Um_yusuf]

walaikumsalaam sis

just 2 questions, i dont understand why you married him, if one, you didnt really like him and 2, deen wise you knew you were not compatible:confused:

[LastFriday]

walaikumsalaam sis

just 2 questions, i dont understand why you married him, if one, you didnt really like him and 2, deen wise you knew you were not compatible:confused:

....What she said. But anyways, no point in crying over the past. You have a child with this man, he has changed, as you say. He prays and memorizes Quran. To him, you were the guidances the motivation! I think, how can you NOT find him attractive now. Because clearly you were not attracted to him before. But since you say DEEN is important, and he now has the DEEN your looking for in a guy..whats the problem? Hopefully, he has asked for forgiveness from Allah (swt) and if he sincerely did, then Allah (Swt) will forgive him. And if Allah (Swt) can forgive him, then why can't you? If he had married you for the status, then why did he change his ways and become more religious? Do you guys ever sit and talk about this kind of stuff??

[shamson]

salaam all,

salaam all,

I seek advice. I need to understand if this marriage is a marriage of decree or mistake.

I met my husband through a family member who really liked him. I was told his characteristic/ aklaq was good. During our engagement my husband was on a student visa. I was intended to marry him, but his student visa was cancelled and was put into immigration jail. when he got out i decided to marry him anywaze and if he got deported i would go with him to his country to live. I thought deen wise we werent compatable, but i married him anywaze.

Three days after our marriage, a women comes to our house to tell me she had sex with my husband a month ago before i married him. she tells me that she has sex with him in exchange for legal status in the country. I confronted my husband about this and he started crying. he said he was scared of being deported and tricked. he said he realized he was wrong and stopped his wrongdoing with her to marry me. (we were intended to marry, but i wasnt sure and he knew it)
Words cannot describe how i felt. anything said would be an understatement. i was a virigin who stuck to my deen. After this I had two options- end the marriage after 3 days of being married or work out the marriage. i worked out the marriage. so i went to his country to live. the whole time we have been married i was giving him dawah, hoping Allah will make him into the muslim i wanted to marry. Alhamdulillah, now he is into the deen. he prays every pray at the masijad, has a beard and memorizes quran.
The problem:
1. i can stop thinking about what he did
2. i keep thinking he married me for status (for we stayed in his country until i was able to sponsor him)
3. my emaan has decreaed.
4. i never really liked him, and deep in my heart i still dont. we have a child together

please advise what should i do. why Allah gives such a bad thing to happen or is it my mistake

jazaka Allah khair

Deep in ur heart you still don't??? sister obviously when you both married you were clearly on different wave lengths. You clearly hold some sort of resentment against him. It may be shaytaan that has come to whisper to you and try and end your marriage or it may be the fact that you just no longer want to be with him. InshAllah seek Allah's counsel (istikhara) and ask Allah to clear you head and obviously try to amend your relationship and sincerely forgive your hubby (if you forgive him then inshallah someone may forgive something you have dun to them).

You need to think clearly about why you have written in , is it so others may Advise you and give you encouragement or because you have other things on ur mind.....

Also everything is decreed nothing is a mistake. for you you may think marrying him was a mistake but it was a choice you made. It was decreed by Allah that theis whole episode will take place, that you will have a child from this man etc. but allah has given us free will. We decide what we do (even though Allah already knows we will do it) and then work are way through life building/adding/changing certain characteristics, beliefs/manners etc.

Seek Allah's Aid sincerely and Allah will guide you inshAllah.

[muslimbrother11]

Just goes to show what kind of things people could do to get a visa they dont care about islam because if they did they would not have done this kind of thing

[GainEmaan]

As salaamu alaikum,


To answer you question, i married him because i was told he was a good person. At the time i had marriage proposals from brothers in the deen, but they seemed to all talk about having 2 wives. i was not looking for a brother like that. so i was introduced to a brother with "good aklaq". Elhamdulillah, because i knew deen can change, but a person's aklaq is unchangeable. i prayed salatul istakara and then married him.

its just that everything that could go wrong went wrong. now years later, i am thinking about the incident and i feel hurt. what leads me to think about it is when my husband gets mad. he gets mad easy and goes without speaking. for example, if dinner is late---he will be mad and not talk to me for a day.

when he is alway mad like this----i think about the past and the present and wonder if this was my mistake or decree.

we dont talk about the past, its inside me still but i dont mention to him.

i want to be a better muslim, but i dont know how to clear my thoughts. i want to forgive him, but i dont know how. i whant to let go of the past.

i spent our whole marriage trying to bring him closer to Allah, that i myself am losing Allah.

help!!

[MMS]

i think it has become quite difficult for men to pray every salah in the masjid and i can't actually think of many that do that, so it would seem that your husband has genuinely changed?

you havnt really said any reason for not liking him for who he is now? why dont you like him? :scratch:

A murid who was extremely disturbed by serious marital issues consulted Shaykh Mawlana Mohammad Taqi Usmani (may Allah preserve him) and told in detail about his problems and asked what should he do to avoid similar mistakes in future. Shaykh adviced him,
“Hand over all your issues to Allah.
Have faith in Him.
Bury the past and make a fresh start from today.”

[MG]

the initial mistakes are yours, i.e. u saw all the signs but despite that you still went ahead with this marriage but as someone said, that is the past and it cannot be changed.

Thinking whether its a "mistake" is abit late in my opinion now, becos you are married and you have a child together.

Most important of all, u say now he is into his deen mashallah and this is what u wanted, what this man did is awful but u made your decision and stayed with him despite this, this means that it is YOU that must forget this whole sordid episode and move on. It seems your husband has and is trying to be abetter person so u must let him for th sake of your marriage and your child, do this without falling prey to shaitan and digging up the past.

Forget this episode (not easy i know) everyone makes mistakes, he is not doing it now, so bury it inshallah.

Saying i dont i like him, is abit childish, for thinking this might be a reason good enuff for a divorce. Again u should have thought about this b4 u got married to him. Deen is foremost in a marriage, not love, yes love helps but moreso does deen, respect for each other, caring and having mercy for one another. It will take u both far inshallah.

May Allah swt grant u both ease, sabr, forgiveness and happiness in this world and the next ameen