attitude towards one's wife

[MMS]

"Special effort should be made to keep a beautiful attitude towards one’s wife.

She has adopted your companionship leaving her parents, siblings and other close relatives. You have to compensate her for all these caring relationships by loving her dearly.

If you are patient on anything hurtful from her you will be rewarded (by Allah SWT). Her inappropriate attitude can not be corrected by your anger and wrath. The best way to achieve that is to control your anger completely at that moment. And some time later (at an appropriate occasion) gently and with compassion let her know the mistake she made. (With this approach) even if she has a grain of aptitude for correction, she will accept your counsel and reform herself."

-shaykh Abdul Hayy Arifi RA

[afsalim]

Words to live by... :up:

[sunrise]

:jkk:

agreed words to be lived by indeed ia:up:

[LastFriday]

Yes, very important words of advice! :jkk:

[MMS]

take heed brothers :coolbro:

[MMS]

***removed crude comment***

for your own benefit :0:
because if you remain calm and patient when she does something wrong, you are rewarded for that

and if you tell her about her mistakes in a nice manner she's more likely to listen to you

[Redmist]

***removed crude comment***

I hope you dont mean literally brother! But hey each to his own i guess :p

nah seriously best to be gentle and kind to the wife, that produces more results than being harsh and foeceful.

thers a saying from an aalim that i once heard. Women is created from the left rib....she is bent if you let her do whatever she wants to so she'll stay bent but if you try to be heavy/forceful with her she'll break! SNAP

so take heed brothers!

[GuCcI]

***Removed crude comment***

thats not wat it says or meant to say. it goes both ways :rolleyes:

[Pippin1376]

***Removed crude comment***

The Prophet (SAW) said: “Treat women kindly. Woman has been created from a rib and the most bent part of the rib is the uppermost. If you try to turn it straight, you will break it. And if you leave it alone, it will remain bent as it is. So treat women kindly.” (Bukhari and Muslim)

Treating someone kindly is an act of charity, so one shouldn't look at it as kissing up to his wife, view it as good deeds you are receiving when you treat her nicely.

[Abu Maryum]

Indeed he (sala Allâhu ‘alihi was-Salâm) commanded us to take care of the children and the women and the elders. Thus, in his last words to his Companions and his nation, he said: "The prayer and what your right hands possess." "Take good care of the women (i.e. wives)." And he (sala Allâhu ‘alihi was-Salâm) said: "The best of you is the best to his wives. And I am the best amongst you with my wives."

[Cartman]

besides..........what type of person would treat their wife meanly...

if you want some extra salt in your rice, super wrinkly shirts.......and mice in your house......and hellfire.......then go tread your wife badly

[Redmist]

The Prophet (SAW) said: “Treat women kindly. Woman has been created from a rib and the most bent part of the rib is the uppermost. If you try to turn it straight, you will break it. And if you leave it alone, it will remain bent as it is. So treat women kindly.” (Bukhari and Muslim)

Treating someone kindly is an act of charity, so one shouldn't look at it as kissing up to his wife, view it as good deeds you are receiving when you treat her nicely.

Thank you Pippin :D Thats the hadith i was referring to.

[Redmist]

besides..........what type of person would treat their wife meanly...

if you want some extra salt in your rice, super wrinkly shirts.......and mice in your house......and hellfire.......then go tread your wife badly

Hey cart6man. How is having mice in your house linked to treating your wife badly? :confused:

[Cartman]

Hey cart6man. How is having mice in your house linked to treating your wife badly? :confused:

youll have a dirty house, then mice will com e

[Redmist]

youll have a dirty house, then mice will com e

Right ok. I thought there was some religious link to having mice in your house and treating your wife badly! Thanks.

[muslimbrother11]

I hope you dont mean literally brother! But hey each to his own i guess :p

nah seriously best to be gentle and kind to the wife, that produces more results than being harsh and foeceful.

thers a saying from an aalim that i once heard. Women is created from the left rib....she is bent if you let her do whatever she wants to so she'll stay bent but if you try to be heavy/forceful with her she'll break! SNAP

so take heed brothers!

Its always men who have to be kind and nice why cant we say that the wife also have to be kind and nice thats have it should work

The thing is women have to much rights in the UK EU USA CANADA thats why they could not give 2 hoots of what the husband says

[AbuMubarak]

though the brother has come off rather crude

that is a subject that i was pondering the other day

about how women have become so rebellious in many ways

i remember how umar complained to the Prophet that the women of madina had began to corrupt the makkan women in a similar way

as muslims, we have to develop a filter about acquired behaviors, both men and women

men are to be maintainers and protectors, a man MUST maintain his family, teaching them, providing for them, and protecting them, you should not let your family fall into sin

women are to be devoutly obedient to their husbands

the Prophet said that no one is to bow down to anyone, but if anyone would, it would be a wife to her husband,

he did not say a child to his mother, he said a wife to her husband

sisters should reflect upon that in their attitudes, your jannah is thru service to your husband, not in bringing that womens lib nonsense into your home

[Tahiyah]

though the brother has come off rather crude

that is a subject that i was pondering the other day

about how women have become so rebellious in many ways

i remember how umar complained to the Prophet that the women of madina had began to corrupt the makkan women in a similar way

as muslims, we have to develop a filter about acquired behaviors, both men and women

men are to be maintainers and protectors, a man MUST maintain his family, teaching them, providing for them, and protecting them, you should not let your family fall into sin

women are to be devoutly obedient to their husbands

the Prophet said that no one is to bow down to anyone, but if anyone would, it would be a wife to her husband,

he did not say a child to his mother, he said a wife to her husband

sisters should reflect upon that in their attitudes, your jannah is thru service to your husband, not in bringing that womens lib nonsense into your home


i truly do not believe muslim women want to bring womens lib into their home

and alhamdulillah, i have been very fortunate to be around enough muslim families to witness some very obedient, pious wives

IMO, often times, its the brothers who lack gheerah, that have disobedient wives

remember, we follow your lead

[Pippin1376]

Its always men who have to be kind and nice why cant we say that the wife also have to be kind and nice thats have it should work

The thing is women have to much rights in the UK EU USA CANADA thats why they could not give 2 hoots of what the husband says

I don't think it's only men who have to be kind and nice. Women should be also. If the wife loves her husband for the sake of Allah, I don't think she'd rebel against him. And I don't think living in the UK, EU, USA, or Canada would change that if she remains strong in her faith. Women should be obedient to her husband, and her husband has to take care of her financially, physically, and emotionally.

Marriage is a two way street, both spouses should be kind and loving to their respective spouse.

[LastFriday]

though the brother has come off rather crude

that is a subject that i was pondering the other day

about how women have become so rebellious in many ways

i remember how umar complained to the Prophet that the women of madina had began to corrupt the makkan women in a similar way

as muslims, we have to develop a filter about acquired behaviors, both men and women

men are to be maintainers and protectors, a man MUST maintain his family, teaching them, providing for them, and protecting them, you should not let your family fall into sin

women are to be devoutly obedient to their husbands

the Prophet said that no one is to bow down to anyone, but if anyone would, it would be a wife to her husband,

he did not say a child to his mother, he said a wife to her husband

sisters should reflect upon that in their attitudes, your jannah is thru service to your husband, not in bringing that womens lib nonsense into your home

We just need to find a balance. Most of the time its either one extreme or the other. The woman is oblivious of the husband or she is too under pressure and the husband is too controlling. Its tough though...

[Tahiyah]

Its always men who have to be kind and nice why cant we say that the wife also have to be kind and nice thats have it should work

The thing is women have to much rights in the UK EU USA CANADA thats why they could not give 2 hoots of what the husband says

the women have to many rights in these places?

honestly, you could not be more WRONG..

ISLAM gives women the most rights, the most complete rights. ISLAM gives mankind their true rights.

maybe your biased due to your own personal experiences. inshaa Allah, try to have an open mind and tell yourself whatever wrongdoings you have been exposed to, you will just do the opposite to make things work better for you

work to implement Quran and Sunnah into your life. the more you do, insha Allah, the easier things get..:up:

[Ebony]

Perhaps the only way men'll realise how tough it is if he also moves away and out of his family home - miles away :p

Only way to get some empathy out of some people :1popcorn:

[MMS]

a student of shaykh abdul hayy RA said:

During the 55 years of their married life Dr. Abdul Hayy Arifi ra never ever spoke to his wife with the tone of his voice changing (as to show anger/frustration etc.). This is the real karamat. (That is to have such a high degree of humility, patience and control over your nafs (self) as not to reveal your emotions).
Walking on water and flying in air are considered to be karamat by common people but in reality they are nothing compared to this bay nafasi (selflessness).

:love::love:

[muslimbrother11]

the women have to many rights in these places?

honestly, you could not be more WRONG..

ISLAM gives women the most rights, the most complete rights. ISLAM gives mankind their true rights.

maybe your biased due to your own personal experiences. inshaa Allah, try to have an open mind and tell yourself whatever wrongdoings you have been exposed to, you will just do the opposite to make things work better for you

work to implement Quran and Sunnah into your life. the more you do, insha Allah, the easier things get..:up:

If I am wrong then please tell me what rights do women have in India/Pakistan the women over there dont even know what the word means women get hit by there husbands over there I know of one case were the husband was so angery with her he threw acid on her face the womwn could do nothing, Had that been CANADA, UK, USA he would have been in jail for that act

[.: Anna :.]

a student of shaykh abdul hayy RA said:

During the 55 years of their married life Dr. Abdul Hayy Arifi ra never ever spoke to his wife with the tone of his voice changing (as to show anger/frustration etc.). This is the real karamat. (That is to have such a high degree of humility, patience and control over your nafs (self) as not to reveal your emotions).
Walking on water and flying in air are considered to be karamat by common people but in reality they are nothing compared to this bay nafasi (selflessness).

:love::love:

masha allah

If I am wrong then please tell me what rights do women have in India/Pakistan the women over there dont even know what the word means women get hit by there husbands over there I know of one case were the husband was so angery with her he threw acid on her face the womwn could do nothing, Had that been CANADA, UK, USA he would have been in jail for that act

:love::love:

and this is supposed to be a good thing? :confused:
if you think that is islamically ideal you desperately need to educate yourself brother :rubeyes:

[shamson]

If I am wrong then please tell me what rights do women have in India/Pakistan the women over there dont even know what the word means women get hit by there husbands over there I know of one case were the husband was so angery with her he threw acid on her face the womwn could do nothing, Had that been CANADA, UK, USA he would have been in jail for that act


Akhi the situation in india/pakistan/bangladesh is due solely to the IGNORANCE of the MEN! If the men are in line the women will come in line. Fix the men and you can fix the country!

If men do not have the correct gheerah for their women folk, are totally ignorant to islam and follow the footsteps of their fathers then of course the poor women suffer as a result.

In countries like that you are either toooo western and allow anything or toooo extreme and go mad at the smallest thing or tooo lax and are oblivious to what is goin on around you. there needs to be a balance.

[shamson]

If I am wrong then please tell me what rights do women have in India/Pakistan the women over there dont even know what the word means women get hit by there husbands over there I know of one case were the husband was so angery with her he threw acid on her face the womwn could do nothing, Had that been CANADA, UK, USA he would have been in jail for that act


When it comes to womens rights IMO i think the best place she can get this is in her home IF her and her Hubby are practising. Does not matter what country she is in, if she gets what she needs at home when external rights are nothing important to her, she will suffice her hubby and vice versa.

[Treasured Soul]

Its always men who have to be kind and nice why cant we say that the wife also have to be kind and nice thats have it should work

The thing is women have to much rights in the UK EU USA CANADA thats why they could not give 2 hoots of what the husband says

Thats a broad generalisation.

I could say men in male dominated countries do the same ...

[Tahiyah]

If I am wrong then please tell me what rights do women have in India/Pakistan the women over there dont even know what the word means women get hit by there husbands over there I know of one case were the husband was so angery with her he threw acid on her face the womwn could do nothing, Had that been CANADA, UK, USA he would have been in jail for that act

had that been Islam he would of also been punished for that act

women need to learn their Islamic rights. '

as i said b4, its Islam that gives mankind, true rights. when Islam is not implemented properly then we can expect to see injustice

[AbuMubarak]

If I am wrong then please tell me what rights do women have in India/Pakistan the women over there dont even know what the word means women get hit by there husbands over there I know of one case were the husband was so angery with her he threw acid on her face the womwn could do nothing, Had that been CANADA, UK, USA he would have been in jail for that actthats truly sad

all muslims need to learn their islam, and Allah has forbidden oppression from Himself and forbid it for us to practice upon each other

this man, if what you say is true, is probably more ignorant than anything, thinking this is something he is entitled to do

i see that as the attitude more than just plain evil, its more of ignorance

and his wife was probably equally ignorant

that doesnt mean we turn to the kuffar for protection or start holding up their laws as if they are superior

the problem is that we as muslims need to have islam first in our hearts, minds, thoughts, actions, and words

then we have to have that grow within our families, our neighbors and then our masajid

its not an easy path but it is the only path

this running to the kuffar, either physically or mentally is our downfall

[Medievalist]

a student of shaykh abdul hayy RA said:

During the 55 years of their married life Dr. Abdul Hayy Arifi ra never ever spoke to his wife with the tone of his voice changing (as to show anger/frustration etc.). This is the real karamat. (That is to have such a high degree of humility, patience and control over your nafs (self) as not to reveal your emotions).
Walking on water and flying in air are considered to be karamat by common people but in reality they are nothing compared to this bay nafasi (selflessness).

:love::love:

mashaALLAH. Yr better off posting posts like this.

[muslimbrother11]

Why has the divorce rate gone up in muslims if they are kind to there wife
why dont things work out
Whith the Asian people Bangladeshi,Indian, Pakistani the men only marry so they have somone to cook and clean for them and this is true I have seen this

[`asiya]

:jkk: some ahadith that are rarely mentioned ..

The messenger of Allah salallahu alleyhi wa salam said " All of you are gaurdians and all of you will be questioned concerning those under your care and a man is the gaurdian over his familly, and he will be questioned concerning those under his care " ( al bukhari,muslim )


The Prophet salallahu alleyhi wa salam said: "No believing man should hate a believing woman: if he dislikes one of her characteristics, he will like another." ( Muslim )

Samurah reported that the Prophet salallahu alleyhi wa salam said: "Woman was created from a rib, and if you try to straighten a rib you will break it, so deal with her gently." (ahmad, ibn hibbaan: saheeh al-jaami’ )

It is narrated that the women of the Sahaabah used to argue and debate with their husbands , and indeed this is the way in which the Mothers of the Believers the Prophet’s wives used to act with our Prophet peace and blessings of Allah be upon him, as ‘Umar ibn al-Khattaab said to the Prophet peace and blessings of Allah be upon him

“We Quraysh used to control our women, but when we came to the Ansaar we found that they were a people who were controlled by their women. So our women started to adopt the ways of the Ansaari women.

I got angry with my wife and she argued with me and I did not like her arguing with me. She said, ‘Why do you object to me arguing with you? By Allah, the wives of the Prophet (peace and blessings of Allah be upon him) argue with him…’” (al-Bukhaari, Muslim)

Al-Haafiz ibn Hajar said in discussing the lessons to be learned from this hadeeth

" This shows that being harsh with women is something unaceptable, because the Prophet peace and blessings of Allah be upon him adopted the way of the Ansaar with women forsaking the way of his people."

Abu Hurayrah reported that prophet salAllahu alleyhi wa salam said " He who believes in Allah and the Last day should not annoy his neighbour and take my advice regarding the good treatment of women, for they were created from a rib and the most crooked part of the rib is its top. If you attempt to straighten it, you will break it, and if you leave it alone it will remain crooked, so take my advice regarding the good treatment of women " (bukhari)

and in another narration "…So if you enjoy her you will do so while crookedness remains in her but if you attempt to straighten her you will break her and breaking her is divorcing her " ( muslim)

The Prophet salallahu alleyhi wa salam said The condition most deserved to be fulfilled, is that by which the private parts became lawful to you. ( bukhari and muslim )

Within the home a man should fear Allah in the way he behaves towards his wife and familly behind closed doors, Allah is all aware of what he does

Abu Umaamah reported that messenger salAllahu alleyhi wa salam said "The worst man is the one who depresses his family" They asked "O Rasool Allah! How does a man depress his family?"

He answered "When the man enters his house, his wife became humbled, his children run away, and his servant hides away. But when he leaves the house, his wife laughs and his family become cheerful and get together" (tabaranni , mujam al awsaat)

Narrated Hudhaifa From among the people, Ibn Um'Abd greatly resembled Allah's Apostles in solemn gait and good appearance of piety and in calmness and sobriety from the time he goes out of his house till he returns to it. But we do not know how he behaves with his family when he is alone with them. ( bukhari )

Narrated Abu Huraira, The Prophet said, "The worst people in the Sight of Allah on the Day of Resurrection will be the double faced people who appear to some people with one face and to other people with another face." ( bukhari)

Narrated Abu Huraira, Allah's Apostle said, "The strong is not the one who overcomes the people by his strength, but the strong is the one who controls himself while in anger." ( bukhari )

Abu’l-Darda’ reported that the Prophet salallahu alleyhi wa salam said "There is no good deed that will be put in the balance that will weight heavier than a good attitude. The one who has a good attitude will reach, because of it, the level of those who fast and pray." (tirmidhi, abu dawood)

Abu Hurayrah reported that the Prophet salallahu alleyhi wa salam said: “The most perfect of the believers in faith are the best in attitude, and the best of you are those who are best to their womenfolk.” (tirmidhi, ahmad, al-silsilat al-saheehah).

The Prophet Muhammad may the peace and blessings of Allah be upon him said, "The best of you is the best to his family, and I am the best among you to my family"

"Behold, many women came to Muhammad's wives complaining against their husbands (because they hit them) ( The prophet salAllahu alleyhi wa salam said ) those (husbands) are not the best of you" ( al bukhari )

Narrated 'Abdullah bin Zam'a, The Prophet forbade laughing at a person who passes wind, and said, "How does anyone of you beat his wife as he beats the stallion camel and then he may embrace (sleep with) her?" (ahmad, bukhari)

Narrated Thabit bin Ad-Dahhak The Prophet Muhammad May the peace and blessings of Allah be upon him said "The most perfect believers are the best in conduct and best of you are those who are best to their wives." (Ibn-Hanbal)

from the last sermon of the prophet Muhammad salAllahu alleyhi wa salam, "Treat your women well and be kind to them for they are your partners and committed helpers."

He salAllahu alleyhi wa salam also said "The best of you are those who are the best in treatment of their wives. He also said "no one honours women except an honourable man, and no one humiliates her, or holds her in contempt except one who is, evil, vile, wicked and depraved".

Jaabir reported that messenger salAllahu alleyhi wa salam said "The most beloved worshipper to Allah is he who is most beneficial to his family" (tabaranni)

Allah ta ala says what means in the Quran "O you who believe! You are forbidden to inherit women against their will. Nor should you treat them with harshness, that you may take away part of the dowry you have given them - except when they have become guilty of open lewdness. On the contrary live with them on a footing of kindness and equity. If you take a dislike to them, it may be that you dislike something and Allah will bring about through it, a great deal of good." Al Quran 4:19

Ibn A’bbaas reported that messenger salAllahu alleyhi wa salam said "If a man comes to you whose deen pleases you and asks for your daughter in marriage, then marry her to him, otherwise there will be corruption on the earth" (tirmidhi)


and indeed we see so much corruption today because of impious husbands... audu billah.

[.: Anna :.]

:jkk: sis

[MMS]

Arif billah Dr. Abdul Hayy Arifi ra said; “Brethren, if you want to get a certification and approval for your knowledge obtain it from a Darululoom (maderassa) but for the achievements in tareeqat (i.e. getting rid of blame worthy moral traits like anger,pride, show off etc. etc. & acquisition of praiseworthy moral traits like sincerity, humility, patience, etc., etc.) get it from your wife, because she really knows you (inside out).”

:D

[Medievalist]

Arif billah Dr. Abdul Hayy Arifi ra said; “Brethren, if you want to get a certification and approval for your knowledge obtain it from a Darululoom (maderassa) but for the achievements in tareeqat (i.e. getting rid of blame worthy moral traits like anger,pride, show off etc. etc. & acquisition of praiseworthy moral traits like sincerity, humility, patience, etc., etc.) get it from your wife, because she really knows you (inside out).”

:D


SubhanALLAH. That is too true. The wife often knows the man better than his brothers and sometimes even his own mother.

[MalikOne™]

if he also moves away and out of his family home - miles away :p


id love that :coolbro:

[MMS]

“I repeat the advice rendered by Arif billah Dr. Abdul Hayy Arifi ra to the bride groom at my daughter’s nikah. That is, غصہمتکرنا۔
اور
ناقدرینہکرنا۔
Do not get angry and never depreciate her.” In this succinct recommendation lies the secret of a successful married life. All of us who are trying to develop a relationship with our Lord (ta’luq ma Allah SWT) should take a moment to reflect on our own attitude towards our spouse.

[stephenoskie]

"Special effort should be made to keep a beautiful attitude towards one’s wife.

She has adopted your companionship leaving her parents, siblings and other close relatives. You have to compensate her for all these caring relationships by loving her dearly.

If you are patient on anything hurtful from her you will be rewarded (by Allah SWT). Her inappropriate attitude can not be corrected by your anger and wrath. The best way to achieve that is to control your anger completely at that moment. And some time later (at an appropriate occasion) gently and with compassion let her know the mistake she made. (With this approach) even if she has a grain of aptitude for correction, she will accept your counsel and reform herself."

-shaykh Abdul Hayy Arifi RA


:jkk: even though I ent married I guess that it would be good for my future :D