Family PLanning

[umm_abdullah]

asalaamu alaykum to all,

i was just wondering about this a few days ago and i want to know what you guys think as well inshallah do you think that its right for muslim parents to plan their children or just leave it with the allah swt and how should a spous approach their partner that they want to a have gap between each child,children are truly a blessing from allah swt but they come with hard work how would you cope it? i would love to hear what the rest of the ummah thinks shukran..

[Saudi Prince]

asalaamu alaykum to all,

i was just wondering about this a few days ago and i want to know what you guys think as well inshallah do you think that its right for muslim parents to plan their children or just leave it with the allah swt and how should a spous approach their partner that they want to a have gap between each child,children are truly a blessing from allah swt but they come with hard work how would you cope it? i would love to hear what the rest of the ummah thinks shukran..

It's important to organise it. The only way is to speak to one's spouse and saying we should have a child each 3 years for example . As simple as this.

[ummbilal]

Question and Answer Details



Name of Questioner


R.A - India


Title


Contraception: Permissible?


Question


Dear Sheikh, as-Salamu `alaykum! If a Muslim mother has a six-month-old baby and is breast-feeding him, can she take precautions against another pregnancy at least for three years, to preserve her health and that of the baby? What are the steps that are allowed in Islam for taking precautions against pregnancy and what are the steps prohibited in Islam? Is Intra-uterine Device (IUD) allowed in Islam? This device, as well as other contraceptives, are reversible and can be left in place for several years (for example, copper devices - left for 2-5 years). What does Islam say about using contraceptive pills? What should be the husband's role in accepting the steps provided by his wife if they are allowed in Islam? Should he encourage her for taking precautions?


Date


18/Jan/2004


Name of Counsellor


Yusuf Al-Qaradawi, Muhammad Saleh Al-Munajjid


Topic


Medicine, Pregnancy & newborns



Answer


Wa `alaykum As-Salamu wa Rahmatullahi wa Barakatuh.

In the Name of Allah, Most Gracious, Most Merciful.

All praise and thanks are due to Allah, and peace and blessings be upon His Messenger.

Dear sister in Islam, we are very pleased for the great confidence you repose in us and we really commend your apparent interest in having a better understanding of the teachings of Islam and the rulings of this great religion in all matters. In fact, Islam is a religion that encompasses all aspects of life and secures guidance and light for all mankind.

As for your question, it should be clear that one of the major purposes of marriage in Islam is procreation, as it is the divinely appointed method of propagating human species on the face of the earth. Furthermore, Islam considers children as a source of blessing. The Prophet, therefore, exhorted his people to “marry and procreate.” Married couples, therefore, must not consider marriage simply as an avenue of sexual or emotional fulfillment and satisfaction, but also for purpose of procreation.

While procreation through marriage is highly recommended, Islam equally stresses the importance of rearing and nurturing children who are the future leaders and assets of the community and humanity. Parenting demands adequate care and attention on the part of parents, in the absence of which, children will simply become a burden. The Prophet (peace and blessings be upon him) said, “A strong believer is superior to a weak believer.”

In his well-known book, The Lawful and the Prohibited in Islam, the prominent Muslim scholar, Sheik Yusuf Al-Qaradawi, states:

“The preservation of the human species is unquestionably the primary objective of marriage, and such preservation of the species requires continued reproduction. Accordingly, Islam encourages having many children and has blessed both male and female progeny. However, it allows the Muslim to plan his family due to valid reasons and recognized necessities.

The common method of contraception at the time of the Prophet (peace and blessings be upon him) was coitus interruptus (withdrawal of the penis from the vagina just before ejaculation) thus preventing semen from entering the vagina. The Companions of the Prophet (peace and blessings be upon him) engaged in this practice during the period of the Qur’anic revelation. Jabir (may Allah be pleased with him) said, 'We practiced coitus interruptus during the time of Allah’s Messenger (peace and blessings be upon him) while the Qur’an was being revealed.' (Reported by al-Bukhari and Muslim)

Another version of this hadith, narrated by Muslim, reads, 'We practiced coitus interruptus during the time of Allah’s Messenger (peace and blessings be upon him). He came to know about it, but he did not prohibit it.'

In a gathering at which `Umar was present, someone remarked, ‘Some say that coitus interruptus is a minor form of burying a child alive.’ To this `Ali replied, ‘This is not so before the completion of seven stages (of reproduction): being a product of the earth, then a drop of semen, then a clot, then a little lump of tissue, then bones, then bones clothed with flesh, which then become like another creation.’ ‘You are right,’ said `Umar, ‘May Allah prolong your life.’

Valid Reasons for Contraception:

The first valid reason for contraception is the fear that the pregnancy or delivery might endanger the life or health of the mother; the criterion of determining this possibility is experience or the opinion of a reliable physician. Allah Almighty says: '... And do not be cast into ruin by your own hands....' (Al-Baqarah: 195) and, '... and kill not one another. Lo! Allah is ever Merciful unto you.' (An-Nisa': 29)

Another reason is the fear that the burden of children may hamper the family’s circumstances so much that one might accept or do something haram (unlawful) to satisfy their needs. Allah says: '... Allah desires ease for you, and He does not desire hardship for you...' (Al-Baqarah: 185) and, '... It is not Allah’s desire to place a burden upon you...' (Al-Ma'idah: 7)

Another valid reason is the fear that the new pregnancy or a new baby might harm a suckling child. The Prophet (peace and blessings be upon him) termed intercourse with a nursing mother, or rather the intercourse, which results in pregnancy while the mother is still nursing a baby, 'Gheelah,' emphasizing the fact that pregnancy would pollute the milk thus causing great harm to the suckling infant.

Since he was greatly concerned with the welfare of his Ummah, the Prophet (peace and blessings be upon him) dissuaded people from what would harm them.

Among the Prophet's remarks on this issue is 'Do not kill your children secretly, for Gheelah overtakes the rider and throws him from the horse.' (Reported by Abu Dawud)

The Prophet (peace and blessings be upon him) did not, however, go so far as to prohibit intercourse with a nursing mother, as he noted that the Persians and Greeks, the two most powerful nations of his time, practiced it without any resulting injury to their children. Moreover, he feared that it would be a great hardship for husbands to abstain from their wives during the period of suckling, which may last up to two years. He said, 'I intended to prohibit Gheelah, if not for the fact I noticed that the Persians and the Greeks suckled their children during pregnancy without any injury being caused to their children as a result.' (Reported by Muslim)

Ibn Al-Qayyim, in comparing this hadith to the one quoted just before it 'Do not kill your children secretly...' says, 'The Prophet (peace and blessings be upon him) saw that pregnancy harms the suckling infant in the same way as being thrown off a horse harms a rider: it is injurious, but not to the extent of killing the baby. He advised them to avoid intercourse leading to pregnancy while the woman is nursing an infant, but he did not prohibit it. He then intended to prohibit it in order to save the health of the suckling child if not that he considered the gravity of the danger this would cause the husband, especially the young ones, and the effect of that on society.

On balancing these matters, therefore, he preferred not to prohibit it. Moreover, he saw that in the two most powerful and populous nations of his time, (women) suckled their children during pregnancy without any negative effect on their strength or numbers, and accordingly he refrained from prohibiting it.' (Ibn Al-Qayyim, Miftah Dar Al-Sa`adah, p. 620; also see Zad Al-Mi`ad, vol. 4 p. 26)

In our time, new methods of contraception are available which realize the objective intended by the Prophet (peace and blessings be upon him) that of protecting the suckling infant from any possible harm which may occur due to the pregnancy of his mother while at the same time avoiding the hardship to the husband in abstaining from sexual relations with his nursing wife.

From this we may conclude that from the Islamic point of view the ideal spacing between two children is thirty months, or, if one wants to nurse the baby for two full years, then thirty-three months."

Sheikh M. S. Al-Munajjid, a prominent Saudi Islamic lecturer and author, adds:

"The answer to question of contraception is found in the following three points:

1. Giving birth is the right of both husband and wife, and neither one of them has the right to deprive the other from doing so.

2. It is prohibited to take any measure, which would permanently prevent pregnancy, or cause infertility. It is permissible, however, to use temporary birth control methods to delay pregnancy, as in the case of delaying pregnancy for the two years of breastfeeding the first child.

3. It is prohibited to use any birth control method which would harm the body, as the Prophet (peace and blessings be upon him) said: 'Do not (impose) harm, nor (inflect) harm.'" [Quoted, with slight modification, from: Islam Q&A (www.islam-qa.com)]

You can also read:

Contraception for the Sake of Enjoyment

Islamic View of Birth Control





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please note that most contraception has side effects either physical or phycological, the hormonal pill can cause cancer in women and can cause sever depression also, so dont harm yourselves when what Allah has decreed will happen no matter what "precautions" we try to use.

[MFT]

asalaamu alaykum to all,

i was just wondering about this a few days ago and i want to know what you guys think as well inshallah do you think that its right for muslim parents to plan their children or just leave it with the allah swt and how should a spous approach their partner that they want to a have gap between each child,children are truly a blessing from allah swt but they come with hard work how would you cope it? i would love to hear what the rest of the ummah thinks shukran..

Though Allah will provide, He also gave us a brain to think and be responsible. I dont think that in all situations you just throw it up to Allah to sort out.

If you cant afford a baby, dont have it. Better not to have a baby than to have it and give it a hard, poor or possibly miserable life (depending on your sitation financially or otherwise).

Thats my opinion. I dont believe in abortion as part of family planning. Only abstaining from being irresponsible.

[umm_abdullah]

Though Allah will provide, He also gave us a brain to think and be responsible. I dont think that in all situations you just throw it up to Allah to sort out.

If you cant afford a baby, dont have it. Better not to have a baby than to have it and give it a hard, poor or possibly miserable life (depending on your sitation financially or otherwise).

Thats my opinion. I dont believe in abortion as part of family planning. Only abstaining from being irresponsible.

i think you misunderstood my point my question does not relate to abortion or financially problems in any way its more to do with having a gap between each pregnancy in order that the mother and father can give each child their own right and bring them up easily without the burden of another one following up soo closly

[.: Anna :.]

:jkk: for posting the fatwah umm bilal :)

[UmmAayman]

i think you misunderstood my point my question does not relate to abortion or financially problems in any way its more to do with having a gap between each pregnancy in order that the mother and father can give each child their own right and bring them up easily without the burden of another one following up soo closly

i agree ukhti,

it very hard bringing up children especially with so muchfitnah that they need our attention a lot. some sisters mashaAllah manage to have one kid after the other and cope, maybe they have a lot of family helping them. but we are not all that fortunate. so we should all look at our own situation and be honest in regards to handling children and what we think we can bare

[Saudi Prince]

i agree ukhti,

it very hard bringing up children especially with so muchfitnah that they need our attention a lot. some sisters mashaAllah manage to have one kid after the other and cope, maybe they have a lot of family helping them. but we are not all that fortunate. so we should all look at our own situation and be honest in regards to handling children and what we think we can bare

What's the relation between the number of children and the fitnah? Please elaborate on this.

[afsalim]

asalaamu alaykum to all,

i was just wondering about this a few days ago and i want to know what you guys think as well inshallah do you think that its right for muslim parents to plan their children or just leave it with the allah swt and how should a spous approach their partner that they want to a have gap between each child,children are truly a blessing from allah swt but they come with hard work how would you cope it? i would love to hear what the rest of the ummah thinks shukran..

Walaikumussalam.

It's absolutely necessary to plan your family. I for one don't plan on having more that one child. I believe I could focus more attention and devotion towards him/her. Kids are hard work, but they are worth every bit.

[Abu 'Abdullaah]

Only one? the child could feel a bit lonely without any siblings.

[JayC]

i have two daughters... aged 2 and 3. to be honest when expecting the second i was a bit concerned... but after she was born and seeing them together i realised the more siblings there are, its better for the kids. like most of the day, theyr occupied with each other. they eat together, play together, pretty much love each other. even get up to all the nonsense together. like emptying my drawers :rolleyes: and making more work for me :(

family planning is fine, but like ukht ummbilal said, we can try and take precautions... but what Allah wills is what will happen. and also like the sister said check on the side effects of each contraception... theres many types of long term contraception available available now aswell.

[afsalim]

Only one? the child could feel a bit lonely without any siblings.

She/he will have plenty of cousins to play with. I have a large extended family.

[al-ghazalli]

the problem is that you can't plan everything in life lol...we were planning on having one child as well but Allah has decided to bless us with three...so much for our plans lol...

But somethings you just have to go with the flow and if you have a bump in the plan then subhanallah, Allah knows Best.

[zay_1982]

Though Allah will provide, He also gave us a brain to think and be responsible. I dont think that in all situations you just throw it up to Allah to sort out.

If you cant afford a baby, dont have it. Better not to have a baby than to have it and give it a hard, poor or possibly miserable life (depending on your sitation financially or otherwise).

Thats my opinion. I dont believe in abortion as part of family planning. Only abstaining from being irresponsible.



i think your wrong as allah is the provider he gives rizq and takes it, he can ring u from the dark and place u in the light ...

so dont hold back of finance as this is from the shytaan... we all have our own fates and allah does provide us all with what we are destined for...

as for having an other child i.e. in the sisters case leaving a gap well that is a personal choice and if they want to wait to before they have another child that is fine as long as they dont do something permeniant to get rid of their ablities to have kids... inshallah... contracetion is allowed in islam as long as it is not harmful to the mother and the father.

[zay_1982]

but remember one thing inshallah allah has plans for all of us inshallah and everything happens when it is destined to happen inshallaha and we don't have any control over it ... as allah says be and it shall be. he gives life and takes life inshallah.

[.: Anna :.]

is it allowed to plan to have only one child? i mean because after they hav that one then they will be wanting effectively some kind of a permanant contraception and the permanant ones are not allowed?

[ummbilal]

Walaikumussalam.

It's absolutely necessary to plan your family. I for one don't plan on having more that one child. I believe I could focus more attention and devotion towards him/her. Kids are hard work, but they are worth every bit.


that will be one lonely child who will find it hard to get close to people as an adult and find it hard to share as a child,

[al-ghazalli]

is it allowed to plan to have only one child? i mean because after they hav that one then they will be wanting effectively some kind of a permanant contraception and the permanant ones are not allowed?

well for example a couple may want just one child..and then in two years have another one or two...thats what we wanted.

some sort contraception is allowed to be used in every madhab except of Imam Malik's which would make things a little difficult for all of us Maliki's out in the world. Most of us would have to seek out a dispensation for another madhab.

[.: Anna :.]

well for example a couple may want just one child..and then in two years have another one or two...thats what we wanted.

some sort contraception is allowed to be used in every madhab except of Imam Malik's which would make things a little difficult for all of us Maliki's out in the world. Most of us would have to seek out a dispensation for another madhab.

oh, but that means in total they want more than one. i thought the other bro is referring to only one child and that is it for the duration of the whole marriage.

otherwise its just spacing them out?

[ummbilal]

but remember one thing inshallah allah has plans for all of us inshallah and everything happens when it is destined to happen inshallaha and we don't have any control over it ... as allah says be and it shall be. he gives life and takes life inshallah.

yes sister Zay is right, no matter what we plan Allah is best of planners and we pray He gives us what is best for us, whether we find it hard or not, didnt Fatima ra have her two sons Hassan and Hussain within a year of one another, did it harm these great men of Islam?

You should be prepared if you use contraception for it to fail and if you use a hormonal method for the side effects if you use the coil be prepared to loose a child thats concieved with it in place and will miscarry and Allahu alam,

I know many women who have tried all kinds of methods only to find themselves pregnant, and many women who try desperatly for years to have a healthy pregnancy and child, using contrception to space children is fine but dont use anything that will harm either the mother, child or husband,

sister the best contraception i can recommend is Fertility Awareness

http://www.engenderhealth.org/wh/fp/cfer2.html

http://www.patient.co.uk/showdoc/26739452/

it is highly effective when used properly and doesnt cause harm to the mother and only involves contraception for a limited period of time each month.

[afsalim]

that will be one lonely child who will find it hard to get close to people as an adult and find it hard to share as a child,

Ukhti, one will be more than enough for us to handle, if my child is anything like me. LOL. I was an extremely hyper kid. From what I've heard from my grandmother, so was my dad. So, if my child gets the genetic traits from my side of the family, having more than one kid might drive me and my wife insane.

[UmmAayman]

What's the relation between the number of children and the fitnah? Please elaborate on this.

The fitnah in the west you have to keep a very close eye on your children and if you are to have one every year this is not eas to give them special attention this is what i meant.

many people do not want to send there children to stat schools, so in this aspect how are they going to be schooled if the wife is constantly pregnant and nurturing a new born?

it can be done but you have to hae a good support around you to help.

[UmmAayman]

One other thing take into consideration the wifes health before going ahdead with more children. i would constantly ask my husband to wait as i was feeling unwell and i told him wait a few months inshaAllah so i can get my health back. but he wouldn't give me pemition. then i found out i was pregnant, i wasn't upset cos i know this is from Allah. but my health worsened and i had to spend a week in hospital with glandular fever and sever dehydration. and worse of all spenda week away from my one year old.

[.: Anna :.]

One other thing take into consideration the wifes health before going ahdead with more children. i would constantly ask my husband to wait as i was feeling unwell and i told him wait a few months inshaAllah so i can get my health back. but he wouldn't give me pemition. then i found out i was pregnant, i wasn't upset cos i know this is from Allah. but my health worsened and i had to spend a week in hospital with glandular fever and sever dehydration. and worse of all spenda week away from my one year old.

may Allah make it easy on u sis and keep u in best of health :love:

[Syrian714]

yes sister Zay is right, no matter what we plan Allah is best of planners and we pray He gives us what is best for us, whether we find it hard or not, didnt Fatima ra have her two sons Hassan and Hussain within a year of one another, did it harm these great men of Islam?

You should be prepared if you use contraception for it to fail and if you use a hormonal method for the side effects if you use the coil be prepared to loose a child thats concieved with it in place and will miscarry and Allahu alam,

I know many women who have tried all kinds of methods only to find themselves pregnant, and many women who try desperatly for years to have a healthy pregnancy and child, using contrception to space children is fine but dont use anything that will harm either the mother, child or husband,

sister the best contraception i can recommend is Fertility Awareness

http://www.engenderhealth.org/wh/fp/cfer2.html

http://www.patient.co.uk/showdoc/26739452/

it is highly effective when used properly and doesnt cause harm to the mother and only involves contraception for a limited period of time each month.

Good post sister. :up:

I will continue to educate by saying that many women think the coil (IUD) is simple and harmless because of how much it's hyped but the fact is it's quite an invasive procedure and complications can occur. Perforation is the most serious: the coil can push through the wall of your uterus and if not discovered right away, it can travel through other areas and damage internal organs. This is a rare occurrence but do you really want to take that chance? It could mean never having a baby again, or dying.

Regarding the birth control pill and similar methods that mess with your hormone levels you need to know that not only is this not 100% effective, but the longer you are on it, it will take longer to get pregnant when you stop. If you take the pill for 2 years, it could potentially take you that long (or longer) to become fertile again.

I know some sisters might reply to this saying, "Well I had an IUD and/or took birth control pills and had no problems!" and I'm not saying you WILL have problems if you do, but you need to know the risks. I'm with sister Umm Bilal when she says Fertility Awareness is the best option out there. Natural and effective. :)

[miss-islamic]

She/he will have plenty of cousins to play with. I have a large extended family.

The kid kids are not going to have any aunts/uncles/cousins? What if you have one kid and he/she dies? Better to have 2 or 3 just incase. :rubeyes:

[Cristiana]

As someone said above, if it makes us feel better to do so, we can plan... but Allah SWT gives whatever He wants to whomever He wants.

In all honesty, I'll have to see how I cope with the first baby to see when I'd ideally have the second...but it's also true that my sister and I have 1 1/2 year difference and we had a blast during our childhood and we are still so close :up: We must have been a handful on my mom though :o

I also think children are a gift from Allah SWT, and it is a bit ungrateful to say "enough thanks!" :o

[shamson]

I had a four year gap between my first two and Wallahi my oldest was really lonely. You can't take them to cousins everyday and no matter how many toys you buy them they are still lonely. MashAllah I was over the moon when my second one came and although the gap between the second and third is about a year alhumdolilla i see the benefit (although I was in a state to start with) Yes of course you must plan and at the end of the day it REALLY is in Allah's Hands.

I Know a sister who recently had her 7th child and she said that she was actually using contraception the last 3 times!!!! She has a max 2yr gap between her kids.

nway nothing wrong with gaps. I got pregnant the 3rd time whilst i was still nursing my second child and found it difficult and stopped wen she was about 16 months and i was upset coz i really wanted to nurse her for the 2yrs
Nway wen u have kids and want to send them to muslim schools etc. it gets really expensive!!!!

[umm_abdullah]

i can understand what that feels like wen u want 2 nurse ur child for full 2yrs and u get pregnent again between that period alhamdulilah i was in that situation i just gave birth 2 my second baby theres a 1yr and a half between the two and i feel physically and mentally tired my husband is very helpful alhamduliah i feel like i need a 5 year gap before the nxt 1 although he loves children to bits and does his fair share of the work i feel he will be like this :( wen i say 5yr gap

[UmmAayman]

i can understand what that feels like wen u want 2 nurse ur child for full 2yrs and u get pregnent again between that period alhamdulilah i was in that situation i just gave birth 2 my second baby theres a 1yr and a half between the two and i feel physically and mentally tired my husband is very helpful alhamduliah i feel like i need a 5 year gap before the nxt 1 although he loves children to bits and does his fair share of the work i feel he will be like this :( wen i say 5yr gap

lol my husband mashaAllah Allah has really put the love for children in his heart too. we were talikng about what we think this baby might be and just joking around then he said i would like another boy and then a girl inshaAllah :rubeyes: sistrs my god hialready thinking about the next one lol!

[sis_niqabi]

Good post sister. :up:

I will continue to educate by saying that many women think the coil (IUD) is simple and harmless because of how much it's hyped but the fact is it's quite an invasive procedure and complications can occur.

agreed. i have a cousin who had an IUD and she had to have surgery because the IUD pierced inside her uterus and had internal bleeding