Advice Needed 4 Situation Regarding Marriage Process

[thizzlamic]

Bros and sisters, I'm in a major rut and I'm in dire need of some Islamic advice.
I am 19 years old and in my first year of college. I have my education and career lives way ahead of me but companion-wise, I feel that I'm secure (or as secure as you can get without marriage :confused: ). Myself and a Muslim brother have formed somewhat of a "relationship" recently after forming and confirming mutual feelings. Before anyone makes any assumptions, I would like to make it clear that my feelings are strictly along lines of the Prophet SAW's criterion of finding a spouse. He is a practicing Muslim, has a job and is getting an education, and I truly feel that Allah SWT meant for us to fulfill the completion of each other's deen.

Our relationship right now consists of constant instant messaging and just casual words with the occasional "Aww I love you" ... and we do love each other (to the point that anyone can love another outside marriage). We do not have ANY form of a physical relationship and have had no physical contact. We do not talk on the phone with each other and whenever we do see each other, there is always a third (and sometimes fourth and fifth and etc. ) party present to ensure that there is no haram behavior. All we do is talk. And we can talk and talk and talk for hours (taking breaks for salat of course ;) ).

Now, we are both looking to marry each other, however that is not possible at the moment because of parents, school and other various responsibilities. Are we on the right track with just limiting ourselves to simple communication through the internet? Are we doing something wrong? Is our relationship haram?

I know that this is only an online forum and majority, if not all, of you are not scholars, but I would appreciate any insight you can provide. JazakAllahKhair

[.: Anna :.]

well parents, school etc does not really mean u cant get married?
have u talked to them about that? otherwise u have the rest of college to finish, if u go uni etc.. u will really drag this out

[thizzlamic]

well parents, school etc does not really mean u cant get married?
have u talked to them about that? otherwise u have the rest of college to finish, if u go uni etc.. u will really drag this out

My parents would not approve of it right now because he is still in school and his income isn't nearly enough for the marriage process and the marriage life itself. The plan right now is to wait for him to finish school (he will finish in 2 and a half years while I will still be in school for 2 years after he is finished) and by then we will be finished with the marriage process and will have moved in together, etc.

[`asiya]

:salams wa iyakki amin, well firsty you say u dont speak on the phone or alone so masha Allah thats good, but its not enough sister, id put an end to txt messages especially those declaring love for each other, thats really not appropriate at all hes not your mahram, hes not your husband,hes a stranger to you, and its no different from using the phone.

Where is your walli/gaurdian in all this ? he is the one who the brother should be approaching to ask about marriage, he should not be speaking about marriage and love with you directly, this is so dangerous imagine u end up not marrying him and you have been txting him and saying things like that to a stranger would your gaurdian be happy about that. We have to remember that if we are not content to let our wallis know about these things, then we should not be doing them before Allah ta ala, speaking with the brother with freinds present is not the same as being with your walli .

I would advise you to let your walli know whats going on. you should speak with this brother, only with your walli present (assuming your walli is your mahram) to arrange your marriage there is no reason at all why you shouldnt marry at your age or in studies,in fact as u are speaking of love and marriage then clearly it would be important for you to get married and prevent falling into fitnah and if the brother is working then he can provide you with a home, and if he agrees you can continue your studies insha Allah.

Hope it all works out for you both insha Allah, may Allah ta ala make it easy for u amin :up:

[UmmAayman]

Bros and sisters, I'm in a major rut and I'm in dire need of some Islamic advice.
I am 19 years old and in my first year of college. I have my education and career lives way ahead of me but companion-wise, I feel that I'm secure (or as secure as you can get without marriage :confused: ). Myself and a Muslim brother have formed somewhat of a "relationship" recently after forming and confirming mutual feelings. Before anyone makes any assumptions, I would like to make it clear that my feelings are strictly along lines of the Prophet SAW's criterion of finding a spouse. He is a practicing Muslim, has a job and is getting an education, and I truly feel that Allah SWT meant for us to fulfill the completion of each other's deen.

Our relationship right now consists of constant instant messaging and just casual words with the occasional "Aww I love you" ... and we do love each other (to the point that anyone can love another outside marriage). We do not have ANY form of a physical relationship and have had no physical contact. We do not talk on the phone with each other and whenever we do see each other, there is always a third (and sometimes fourth and fifth and etc. ) party present to ensure that there is no haram behavior. All we do is talk. And we can talk and talk and talk for hours (taking breaks for salat of course ;) ).

Now, we are both looking to marry each other, however that is not possible at the moment because of parents, school and other various responsibilities. Are we on the right track with just limiting ourselves to simple communication through the internet? Are we doing something wrong? Is our relationship haram?

I know that this is only an online forum and majority, if not all, of you are not scholars, but I would appreciate any insight you can provide. JazakAllahKhair



Asalam alikum wr wb,

this is a very common thing thoughout the muslim world this situation. my sincere advise to you is to tell your parents or end the relationship. and resume once your both in the situation where you can start the process of marriage.

ukhti if your parents wouldn't approve why are you involved with him.... wait remain patient and inshaAllah your parents will accept once he can look after you.

now you have both declared love for one another, but honestlyere will the realtionship go from here you have said yourself niether of you are in a position to get merried it can only lead to fitnah, unless you get married.

my advise to all my brothers and sisters only start looking for a spouse once you are able to get married and don't have other responsibilites.

may Allah make this an ease for you amin. (pray istikara)

[.: Anna :.]

My parents would not approve of it right now because he is still in school and his income isn't nearly enough for the marriage process and the marriage life itself. The plan right now is to wait for him to finish school (he will finish in 2 and a half years while I will still be in school for 2 years after he is finished) and by then we will be finished with the marriage process and will have moved in together, etc.

well u could atleast tell them and set a date for 2.5 years if u are all so bothered about having the money for a big wedding etc.. then u will feel secure parents agreed and its all planned, and could contact each other less?

or u could explain to parents that u dont need so much money for wedding and everything and can just do nikah in a simple way now, and then do a bigger party after ur finished.. if u really cnt stop contatcing each other then that is better to do

[Saudi Prince]

Our relationship right now consists of constant instant messaging and just casual words with the occasional "Aww I love you" ... and we do love each other (to the point that anyone can love another outside marriage). We do not have ANY form of a physical relationship and have had no physical contact. We do not talk on the phone with each other and whenever we do see each other, there is always a third (and sometimes fourth and fifth and etc. ) party present to ensure that there is no haram behavior. All we do is talk. And we can talk and talk and talk for hours (taking breaks for salat of course ;) ).

Are we on the right track with just limiting ourselves to simple communication through the internet? Are we doing something wrong? Is our relationship haram?


Yes what you're doing is wrong and haram and you should not spend hours talking to a stranger! If you want to marry the person then speak to your parents and let them deal with it. If you don't think they will agree with you then you should end at leat the communications between you and start convincing your parents but if they tell you to wait then you can ask him to wait if he can or just end the relationship if he can't. What's the point of talking to a guy for hours for no reason? It's all about 'you love me and I love you'. This is haram in Islam if you want to follow Islam.

[elji]

Bros and sisters, I'm in a major rut and I'm in dire need of some Islamic advice.
I am 19 years old and in my first year of college. I have my education and career lives way ahead of me but companion-wise, I feel that I'm secure (or as secure as you can get without marriage :confused: ). Myself and a Muslim brother have formed somewhat of a "relationship" recently after forming and confirming mutual feelings. Before anyone makes any assumptions, I would like to make it clear that my feelings are strictly along lines of the Prophet SAW's criterion of finding a spouse. He is a practicing Muslim, has a job and is getting an education, and I truly feel that Allah SWT meant for us to fulfill the completion of each other's deen.

Our relationship right now consists of constant instant messaging and just casual words with the occasional "Aww I love you" ... and we do love each other (to the point that anyone can love another outside marriage). We do not have ANY form of a physical relationship and have had no physical contact. We do not talk on the phone with each other and whenever we do see each other, there is always a third (and sometimes fourth and fifth and etc. ) party present to ensure that there is no haram behavior. All we do is talk. And we can talk and talk and talk for hours (taking breaks for salat of course ;) ).

Now, we are both looking to marry each other, however that is not possible at the moment because of parents, school and other various responsibilities. Are we on the right track with just limiting ourselves to simple communication through the internet? Are we doing something wrong? Is our relationship haram?

I know that this is only an online forum and majority, if not all, of you are not scholars, but I would appreciate any insight you can provide. JazakAllahKhair

Huge spectrum of opinion.. my 2 pence on this issue. get married when you are ready, cause with marriage comes lot of responsibilities. Declare your interest of this person with your parents and tell him to do so with his and let them know that you both are willing to wait. Get both families involved, you cant say the parents wont be interested as you havent even tried.

You have come to know this person yourself and have not many people (parents etc) to vouch for him. Ask yourself these questions.. is this person really this nice? How would he react under hardships? Is he the type to stick with you through a long struggling period of your relationship? Does he have a dark secret? Is he mature enough? Most of these answers are sorted/answered by parents when they speak to the person or meet families. After all the fact is they have a lot more experience in this kind of thing than you do

Hope this helps and i wish you good luck. Just be careful, as i would hate this person to turn out to be totally different after marriage, which happens a lot to people who get married when they are not ready to face the sacrifices that are made in marriage.

[Deeds]

:salams:

I agree, if you want to keep in contact with him; you need to get your nikah done ASAP. Once the nikah is done you can keep the situation as it is and after he finishes his studies you can have a party/celebration to start your married life living together.

Sister its very wrong to say we are religious and practicing when you are clearly doing haram. I know it sounds harsh but when halal is clearly shown and known in Islam we can not make excuses. Make Istikhara.

Have confidence and get him to approach your parents or you tell your parents yourself. This way your wali can check out all the details and make the appropriate arrangements.

Infatuation is so strong sometimes it feels like love. You have an opportunity to make things right; so take it. Insha'Allah.

:)