View Full Version : A wife for 1 S.R only!
Saudi Prince
20-01-08, 11:09 PM
Assalamu alaikom siss and bros, :)
Anyone interested? ;) She is only for 1 S.R and that's about 13 p. :)
and before the siss hold my throat, no this is not what she is worth that's her Mahr. :)
I once heard Shaikh Ibn Othaimeen RA telling a story of a man who married his daughter to a brother for 1 S.R ONLY. The Shaikh was the one who did the Nikah. He said when I asked him about the mahr he replied '1 S.R only!' Then the Shaikh carried on advising people to reduce the mahr....
My question now is how much would you ask for as a mahr if you're a woman and how much would you want your wife to ask for if you're a man? Please be honest and put a rough figure. There is no need to pretend to be someone who is not you.
Personally, I would love my wife to ask for a very little amount of money. Idealy 1 pound. :D I wallahi can afford whatever she may ask but I just do not want her to marry me for my money.
Down to you guys...state your figure. :)
3 months wages dependant on what he is earning at the job he's doing around the time of the nikah. That way it's proportional to his means.
Lone Wolf
20-01-08, 11:28 PM
3 months wages dependant on what he is earning at the job he's doing around the time of the nikah. That way it's proportional to his means.
Why only 3? Why not 4 or 6?
well mine was my abaya and hijab for the nikah. in total came to £65. reason being my husband was quite poor at the time, and i had chosen him for his deen anyway, so didn't want to marry anyone else. before marriage, and if circumstances were diff i had always said i would have liked to have asked for £250.
mashAllah tho, 1 riyaal?
mgilani
20-01-08, 11:32 PM
I wallahi can afford whatever she may ask but I just do not want her to marry me for my money.
Please............brother............. u aint no prince so 1 s.r is fine.!
Personally, I would love my wife to ask for a very little amount of money. Idealy 1 pound. :D I wallahi can afford whatever she may ask but I just do not want her to marry me for my money.
I think it's better at least in the initial stages to not let on that you're earning very well so as to help avoid someone who is just after money.
Why only 3? Why not 4 or 6?
Basically I mean whatever is realistic to ask for under the circumstances. I dunno I think more than 3 is more unrealistic and verging on extravagance.
naima27
20-01-08, 11:47 PM
ok.. I reverted to Islam long ago.. but I still cant wrap my senses around the concept of a dowry.
I know it is my islamic right but really...
All I would ever want from my husband to be is the promise to hold my hand through all the good and bad in our marital life. I want to be sure that when we stumble we are there to brush each others knees.
I know we are human and we falter but for me..this promise is suffiecient enough evidence that he is a man and intends to honor and take care of me in our marriage.
Hijabi_Solja
21-01-08, 12:18 AM
Salaams,
This has been discussed, at length, but the only reason I know this is because I have read them all :o the best post I have come across is from another Ummah thread:
Originally Posted By Sister 'Asiya
The mahr (dowry) is the right of the wife
Question:
Assalamualaikum,
I would like to know the Islamic view point of Dowry. Is it permisible or is it a sin? If it is wrong, what should a person do who has taken dowry?
Answer:
Praise be to Allaah.
In Islam the mahr (dowry) is one of the rights of the wife, which is hers to take in total and is lawful for her, in contrast to the widespread practice in some countries, where the wife is given no dowry. Evidence that the wife must be given her dowry is found in many places, for example the aayah (interpretation of the meaning): “And give to the women (whom you marry) their mahr (obligatory bridal money given by the husband to his wife at the time of marriage) with a good heart…” [al-Nisaa’ 4:4]
Ibn ‘Abbaas said: “This refers to the mahr (dowry).”
Ibn Katheer, may Allaah have mercy on him, said, summarizing the comments of the mufassireen on this aayah: “The man must definitely pay the dowry to the woman, and he should not resent it.”
Allaah says (interpretation of the meaning): “But if you intend to replace a wife by another and you have given one of them a cantar (of gold, i.e., a great amount) as mahr, take not the least bit of it back; would you take it wrongfully without a right and (with) a manifest sin? And how could you take it (back) when you have gone in unto each other, and they have taken from you a firm and strong covenant?” [al-Nisaa’ 4:20-21]
Ibn Katheer, may Allaah have mercy on him, said: “This means: if any one of you wants to divorce his wife and replace her with another, you should not take anything from what you have already given the first wife, even if it was a huge amount of wealth. The mahr is given in exchange for the right to enjoy marital relations. For this reason Allaah says (interpretation of the meaning): “And how could you take it (back) when you have gone in unto each other…?” The “firm and strong covenant” is the marriage contract.
Anas ibn Maalik, may Allaah be pleased with him, reported that ‘Abd al-Rahmaan ibn ‘Awf came to the Messenger of Allaah (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him), and there were traces of yellow (perfume) on him. The Messenger of Allaah (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) asked him about it, and he told him that he had just married a woman of the Ansaar. The Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) asked him, “How much did you give her?” He said: “Gold equal to the weight of one date stone.” The Messenger of Allaah (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) said: “Give a waleemah (wedding feast) even if only with one sheep.” (Reported by al-Bukhaari, 4756).
The mahr is the right of the wife, and it is not permitted for her father or anyone else to take it except with her approval. Abu Saalih said: “When a man married off his daughter, he would take her mahr away from her, but Allaah forbade them to do that, and gave women the right to the mahr they received.” (Tafseer Ibn Katheer).
Similarly, if the wife foregoes any part of the mahr, the husband is permitted to take it, as Allaah says (interpretation of the meaning): “… but if they, of their own good pleasure, remit any part of it, take it, and enjoy it without fear of any harm (as Allaah has made it lawful).” [al-Nisaa’ 4:4]
And Allaah knows best.
Islam Q&A
Sheikh Muhammed Salih Al-Munajjid
:up: Nahita
Saudi Prince
21-01-08, 12:56 AM
ok.. I reverted to Islam long ago.. but I still cant wrap my senses around the concept of a dowry.
I know it is my islamic right but really...
All I would ever want from my husband to be is the promise to hold my hand through all the good and bad in our marital life. I want to be sure that when we stumble we are there to brush each others knees.
I know we are human and we falter but for me..this promise is suffiecient enough evidence that he is a man and intends to honor and take care of me in our marriage.
So, I imagine you will ask for $1 only. :)
Tahiyah
21-01-08, 01:13 AM
sisters..its cute to ask for the emotional mushy things but seriously..dont. dont ask for things like as long as he always keeps his promises and treats me kind, etc etc..because everytime there is a little disagreement or struggle with one another you may always bring that up to him and make him feel as tho he isnt fulfilling his obligations and setting yourself up for disappointments. there are ups and downs in marriages and alot of that mushy stuff is already expected sooo
trust me....take the cash ;)
Al-Farooq
21-01-08, 01:28 AM
trust me....take the cash ;)
Don't listen to her sisters, she is clearly delirious! Go and lie down, Tahiyah.:)
Seriously though, in an ideal world all mahr would be a minimal amount, a token gesture, purely symbolic, but this world is far from ideal. If a sister wants a more suitable mahr, that is her right and we men must oblige, as long as it is a realistic request, of course.
Although, I may regret saying that.:)
Saudi Prince
21-01-08, 01:37 AM
sisters..its cute to ask for the emotional mushy things but seriously..dont. dont ask for things like as long as he always keeps his promises and treats me kind, etc etc..because everytime there is a little disagreement or struggle with one another you may always bring that up to him and make him feel as tho he isnt fulfilling his obligations and setting yourself up for disappointments. there are ups and downs in marriages and alot of that mushy stuff is already expected sooo
trust me....take the cash ;)
How much in dollar?
Some women are materialistic in the sense that they must shop for something, or give them the money, and they'll spend till they're exhausted. And some women do not care for anything materialistic - so personally it is dependant on her preference and crucially, if she'll be working too. I mean, money wouldn't really be a "gift" then would it?
umm_yusuf
21-01-08, 02:09 AM
There is always two sides to a coin you see. What works for one might not work for the other. I will give examples Insha Allah.
I know a lot of sisters who have asked for really little when it comes to their mahr such as a date (as in the fruit that you break your fast with...yes... ONE DATE), a copy of the Qur'an, a radio and other very creative but stupid requests. I'm not doubting the sisters' sincerity and Allah knows best their intentions but this idea of false piety does not wash with me. Due to the fact that most sisters are cheapning themselves in such a manner, it is quite easy for a brother to divorce them and trust me I have seen such cases. Its like an imam said, easy come easy go. Now this is not the case in all situations, I'm just saying it from what I know.
Then there is the case whereby there was a sister who came from a VERY POOR family who married her husband for the sake of his deen and so asked for a copy of the Qur'an as her mahr. Now the brother lied to her to start off with because he had been married before and failed to mention this. Ok, after 14 years of marriage and no children, the family started putting pressure on her saying she can't produce. They will both go to the doctors and each time, it will be said she is fine but whenever his results were to be discussed, he will ask her to leave the room so that he will speak to the doctor privately. It turns out he couldn't have children and this was why his first wife left him.
All his family knew yet they blamed her and she became ill as a result of this. When she found out, after 14 years, she sought divorce and he wouldn't divorce her. He said he would divorce her on the basis that she returns the same Qur'an he gave her BRAND new. They took the matter to a sheikh and the sheikh said he had no case. Now imagine if she had asked for a large mahr, she wouldn't have been able to get out of the marriage at least not easily.
So what I'm saying is, it depends on the situation. Allah knows best.
Saudi Prince
21-01-08, 02:11 AM
Some women are materialistic in the sense that they must shop for something, or give them the money, and they'll spend till they're exhausted. And some women do not care for anything materialistic - so personally it is dependant on her preference and crucially, if she'll be working too. I mean, money wouldn't really be a "gift" then would it?
Yes, women love money for sure. ;)
:salams:
My husband is a student so I asked for £50 mehr. But my wali wanted more security for me and put in the contract that it will be £50 paid up front and in the case of divorce the remaining mehr of £50,000 will be paid to me.
Metroid
21-01-08, 02:56 AM
I wallahi can afford whatever she may ask but I just do not want her to marry me for my money.
Down to you guys...state your figure. :)
If you were a true "Saudi Prince", you would actually give her more than what she asked out of your generosity:torture:
LastFriday
21-01-08, 03:47 AM
Umm, I would like my wife to be considerate thats all, after all depending on how much she asks me we will know how our future financial life will be. I think, when you get married your spouse is in it with you in every hardship so, I mean if she asks for a lot of mehr in the end it will still belong in the family...
A diamond ;). Just kidding, whatever he can afford to give as a mahr i would be fine with. Not every man can afford to give his wife thousands of dollars. Remember the best mahr in islam had no tag on it, it was that of Umm Sulaim. Her mahr was that of the acceptance of Abu Talha to Islam whom she married afterwards.
shaquille20
21-01-08, 04:35 AM
Having said all of the above, girls remember, U are more than 50 per cent of the population, so there are lots of choice for guys....so be reasonable whatever U ask... If someone wants to marry me, then $1 is all I can afford as mahar ;)....Next
Tahiyah
21-01-08, 04:46 AM
Having said all of the above, girls remember, U are more than 50 per cent of the population, so there are lots of choice for guys....so be reasonable whatever U ask... If someone wants to marry me, then $1 is all I can afford as mahar ;)....Next
good luck with that...
shaquille20
21-01-08, 04:53 AM
good luck with that...
U reckon I would need much?
in_exile
21-01-08, 06:57 AM
i gave my wife mehr fatimi... or the equivalent in pounds....
UmmAayman
21-01-08, 07:27 AM
Assalamu alaikom siss and bros, :)
Anyone interested? ;) She is only for 1 S.R and that's about 13 p. :)
and before the siss hold my throat, no this is not what she is worth that's her Mahr. :)
I once heard Shaikh Ibn Othaimeen RA telling a story of a man who married his daughter to a brother for 1 S.R ONLY. The Shaikh was the one who did the Nikah. He said when I asked him about the mahr he replied '1 S.R only!' Then the Shaikh carried on advising people to reduce the mahr....
My question now is how much would you ask for as a mahr if you're a woman and how much would you want your wife to ask for if you're a man? Please be honest and put a rough figure. There is no need to pretend to be someone who is not you.
Personally, I would love my wife to ask for a very little amount of money. Idealy 1 pound. :D I wallahi can afford whatever she may ask but I just do not want her to marry me for my money.
Down to you guys...state your figure. :)
I got a quran which has helped me a lot with memorisations :up: couldn't ask for a better gift
.: Anna :.
21-01-08, 07:35 AM
I have a question, is it good to tell everyone how much mahr u got? because for some reason it feels a bit wrong if everyone was to say or compare how much they asked for or how much they got? I dno.. I guess people hear the amount if they are there at the time of the nikah..
but do we have ne guidance about this or not? i mean like sometimes it could feel like showing off or somethng if the amount was alot?
(saudi prince i am not saying ur question is wrong, i am only asking okay :) )
the_middle_road
21-01-08, 08:39 AM
ok.. I reverted to Islam long ago.. but I still cant wrap my senses around the concept of a dowry.
It is meant to be a means of security for the woman. So that if she marries a man who is not particularly religious, then him having to pay her a dowry would deter him from hastening to divorce her at the slightest disagreement. And if he does divorce her, then at least she has something to fall back on and is not left penniless.
Now imagine if she had asked for a large mahr, she wouldn't have been able to get out of the marriage at least not easily.
Why would it have been different if she had asked for a large dowry? It is not right for the husband, when he divorces his wife, to demand back any portion of the dowry which he gave to his wife.
وَإِنْ أَرَدْتُمُ اسْتِبْدَالَ زَوْجٍ مَكَانَ زَوْجٍ وَآتَيْتُمْ إِحْدَاهُنَّ قِنْطَارًا فَلا تَأْخُذُوا مِنْهُ شَيْئًا أَتَأْخُذُونَهُ بُهْتَانًا وَإِثْمًا مُبِينًا
But if ye decide to take one wife in place of another, even if ye had given the latter a whole treasure for dower, Take not the least bit of it back: Would ye take it by slander and manifest wrong?
(4: 20)
I have a question, is it good to tell everyone how much mahr u got? because for some reason it feels a bit wrong if everyone was to say or compare how much they asked for or how much they got? I dno.. I guess people hear the amount if they are there at the time of the nikah..
but do we have ne guidance about this or not? i mean like sometimes it could feel like showing off or somethng if the amount was alot?
(saudi prince i am not saying ur question is wrong, i am only asking okay :) )
I agree with sis! Anna..:up:
Actually discussing about Mahr I think it's some thing stange. I dont think mostly people asked or decide..This is parent responsiblity they most need to decide I beleave...:up:
Assalamu alaikom siss and bros, :)
Anyone interested? ;) She is only for 1 S.R and that's about 13 p. :)
and before the siss hold my throat, no this is not what she is worth that's her Mahr. :)
I once heard Shaikh Ibn Othaimeen RA telling a story of a man who married his daughter to a brother for 1 S.R ONLY. The Shaikh was the one who did the Nikah. He said when I asked him about the mahr he replied '1 S.R only!' Then the Shaikh carried on advising people to reduce the mahr....
My question now is how much would you ask for as a mahr if you're a woman and how much would you want your wife to ask for if you're a man? Please be honest and put a rough figure. There is no need to pretend to be someone who is not you.
Personally, I would love my wife to ask for a very little amount of money. Idealy 1 pound. :D I wallahi can afford whatever she may ask but I just do not want her to marry me for my money.
Down to you guys...state your figure. :)
I thought it would depend where you are, for instance if i was to get married in the UK i'd ask to see how much others were getting and demand the same i do know its about 1500-2000 pounds which is about right :up:
hmmmm is that why Saudis marry more than 1
hmmmm is that why Saudis marry more than 1
because they may have enough money to serve more tehn one :hidban::hidban:
because they may have enough money to serve more tehn one :hidban::hidban:
Exactly, well S.P won't have problems looking for his wives then...... ;)
Why would it have been different if she had asked for a large dowry? It is not right for the husband, when he divorces his wife, to demand back any portion of the dowry which he gave to his wife.
وَإِنْ أَرَدْتُمُ اسْتِبْدَالَ زَوْجٍ مَكَانَ زَوْجٍ وَآتَيْتُمْ إِحْدَاهُنَّ قِنْطَارًا فَلا تَأْخُذُوا مِنْهُ شَيْئًا أَتَأْخُذُونَهُ بُهْتَانًا وَإِثْمًا مُبِينًا
But if ye decide to take one wife in place of another, even if ye had given the latter a whole treasure for dower, Take not the least bit of it back: Would ye take it by slander and manifest wrong?
(4: 20)
Allahu alam, maybe it means if a woman asked for khula because she didnt like her husband then she would have to return the mahr, and if it was a large mahr and she had already spent most of it ... how will she find the money to return to him.
U reckon I would need much?
in all likelihood more than a Dollar at least ...
I got a quran which has helped me a lot with memorisations :up: couldn't ask for a better gift
:sub: and Masha'allah, the best Gifts I got was the Riyadus Saliheen ...
there can be no better gift than the Quran and the Hadiths ...
:jkk:
RashidD
21-01-08, 09:30 AM
I thought it would depend where you are, for instance if i was to get married in the UK i'd ask to see how much others were getting and demand the same i do know its about 1500-2000 pounds which is about right :up:
1500 to 2000 quid?!
Assalamu alaikom siss and bros, :)
Anyone interested? ;) She is only for 1 S.R and that's about 13 p. :)
and before the siss hold my throat, no this is not what she is worth that's her Mahr. :)
I once heard Shaikh Ibn Othaimeen RA telling a story of a man who married his daughter to a brother for 1 S.R ONLY. The Shaikh was the one who did the Nikah. He said when I asked him about the mahr he replied '1 S.R only!' Then the Shaikh carried on advising people to reduce the mahr....
My question now is how much would you ask for as a mahr if you're a woman and how much would you want your wife to ask for if you're a man? Please be honest and put a rough figure. There is no need to pretend to be someone who is not you.
Personally, I would love my wife to ask for a very little amount of money. Idealy 1 pound. :D I wallahi can afford whatever she may ask but I just do not want her to marry me for my money.
Down to you guys...state your figure. :)
We don't value People with Money , the Mahr is a Gift (Compulsory for the Men to give to their Wives) ...
so it is inappropriate for you to make statements like she is Only for 1 S.R which I'm assuming was a Saudi Riyal ...
even as a Joke.
:jkk:
Lambo5688
21-01-08, 09:31 AM
Do people still ask for this stuff? I mean, here you go wifey 1000 dollars or whatever....oh whoopdie doo big deal.
That money is coming back into your household, and shouldn't the wife expect her husband to give her some money whenever she asks him anyway? So why demand it and seem cheap in the first place?
Lambo5688
21-01-08, 09:32 AM
We don't value People with Money , the Mahr is a Gift (Compulsory for the Men to give to their Wives) ...
so it is inappropriate for you to make statements like she is Only for 1 S.R which I'm assuming was a Saudi Riyal ...
even as a Joke.
:jkk:
If the husband is giving it has a gift, thats fine...but why do women demand it?
Why only 3? Why not 4 or 6?
Akhi, it would be Inappropriate to demand what the brother can't give, so If he can give more than good for him ....
theres no Limit on the Mehr, the Sisters can demand whatever amount of Mehr they want.
But the Bro's have the Choice to refuse Extravagant Mehrs, which are too much for them to give, beyond their means etc.
:jkk:
I have a question, is it good to tell everyone how much mahr u got? because for some reason it feels a bit wrong if everyone was to say or compare how much they asked for or how much they got? I dno.. I guess people hear the amount if they are there at the time of the nikah..
but do we have ne guidance about this or not? i mean like sometimes it could feel like showing off or somethng if the amount was alot?
(saudi prince i am not saying ur question is wrong, i am only asking okay :) )
Those with a healthy level of hayaa will have this feeling.
Abu Mu'adh
21-01-08, 09:35 AM
i gave my wife mehr fatimi... or the equivalent in pounds....
Na'am this is the amount a couple of my friends gave, depending on the value of silver it's anything between £300-£450 right?
.: Anna :.
21-01-08, 09:36 AM
because it is their right to ask for a mahr. just if u swap ask to demand then it sounds rude, but in reality its not rude because its from islam.. but they shdnt put the price too high that he cant afford etc
the money doesnt go back into the "household" it goes to wife's private account or whatever UNLESS she choses to give it back to husband as a gift. because household expense like rent, bills etc.. this is supposed to come from husbands earnings not from wives private money (unless again she gives him some money for a gift) bc islamiccally providing for family is his job and role. he still has to give her money when she needs it for things too yes.. but mahr is a seperate one and if she wants to ask its her right, not appropriate to call a woman "cheap" because of that :S
If the husband is giving it has a gift, thats fine...but why do women demand it?
Akhi, that Gift is Compulsory Unless the sister about to be Wed says she doesn't want one etc. according to Allah Ta'ala ...
read ...
Al-Quran, Chapter 4 : Verse 4
------------------------------
"And give the women (on marriage) their dower as a free gift; but if they, of their own good pleasure, remit any part of it to you, Take it and enjoy it with right good cheer."
therefore the Sisters have the Right to Demand it.
the Mehr is also commanded to be given in other verses as well.
:jkk:
Tranquillity
21-01-08, 09:38 AM
:salams:
My husband is a student so I asked for £50 mehr. But my wali wanted more security for me and put in the contract that it will be £50 paid up front and in the case of divorce the remaining mehr of £50,000 will be paid to me.
What?! :rubeyes:
I mean, I can understand that your wali's intentions here, I think but the majority of men would never be able to pay you that much money. which means that if he ever wants to divorce you he won't be able to. Personally I'd rather he divorced me than stayed with me just cos he couldn't afford not to, I mean what sort of a marriage is that??
Mahr should be about the woman having some finanical security in case of divorce, NOT ensuring that divorce never happens!!
because it is their right to ask for a mahr. just if u swap ask to demand then it sounds rude, but in reality its not rude because its from islam.. but they shdnt put the price too high that he cant afford etc
the money doesnt go back into the "household" it goes to wife's private account or whatever UNLESS she choses to give it back to husband as a gift. because household expense like rent, bills etc.. this is supposed to come from husbands earnings not from wives private money (unless again she gives him some money for a gift) bc islamiccally providing for family is his job and role. he still has to give her money when she needs it for things too yes.. but mahr is a seperate one and if she wants to ask its her right, not appropriate to call a woman "cheap" because of that :S
ditto to everything sister Anna said.
Idiots who call my sisters "Cheap" or make statements like they're worth this and that (based on Money) are aught to be booted of the forum. :buttkick:
:jkk:
Lambo5688
21-01-08, 09:42 AM
because it is their right to ask for a mahr. just if u swap ask to demand then it sounds rude, but in reality its not rude because its from islam.. but they shdnt put the price too high that he cant afford etc
the money doesnt go back into the "household" it goes to wife's private account or whatever UNLESS she choses to give it back to husband as a gift. because household expense like rent, bills etc.. this is supposed to come from husbands earnings not from wives private money (unless again she gives him some money for a gift) bc islamiccally providing for family is his job and role. he still has to give her money when she needs it for things too yes.. but mahr is a seperate one and if she wants to ask its her right, not appropriate to call a woman "cheap" because of that :S
Sorry I didn't mean the woman is cheap, I meant that it sounds cheap when asking someone for money.
Still though, it'd kinda like buying a relationship. I mean, what if a man and woman are suitable for each other, but the woman has her mahr set too high and the man can't afford it. Really, if I was married, my money is my wife's money so what she need that petty cash in the beginning for??
Lambo5688
21-01-08, 09:42 AM
ditto to everything sister Anna said.
Idiots who call my sisters "Cheap" or make statements like they're worth this and that (based on Money) are aught to be booted of the forum. :buttkick:
:jkk:
Boot me :badguy:
no plz dont :(
I have a question, is it good to tell everyone how much mahr u got? because for some reason it feels a bit wrong if everyone was to say or compare how much they asked for or how much they got? I dno.. I guess people hear the amount if they are there at the time of the nikah..
but do we have ne guidance about this or not? i mean like sometimes it could feel like showing off or somethng if the amount was alot?
(saudi prince i am not saying ur question is wrong, i am only asking okay :) )
Ukthi I don't why you would have to tell someone How much Mehr you got, we can discuss what amount we think is reasonable for such and such a person but to reveal how Much Mer was given to you or any Sister is unnecessary ...
It may cause fitna, even Jealousy and regret between those who think they got more and those who think they got less ...
In my opinion the sisters aught to abstain from exposing the amount of their Mehrs ...
:jkk:
Lambo5688
21-01-08, 09:44 AM
Akhi, that Gift is Compulsory Unless the sister about to be Wed says she doesn't want one etc. according to Allah Ta'ala ...
read ...
Al-Quran, Chapter 4 : Verse 4
------------------------------
"And give the women (on marriage) their dower as a free gift; but if they, of their own good pleasure, remit any part of it to you, Take it and enjoy it with right good cheer."
therefore the Sisters have the Right to Demand it.
the Mehr is also commanded to be given in other verses as well.
:jkk:
See, Allah(swt) is commanding the men to give it as a gift, which makes sense and is great. Buy how can sisters demand a gift? If it is demanded, its not a gift.
Boot me :badguy:
no plz dont :(
No I don't want to boot me li'll bro :o, especially since now Evidence from the Quran has been Posted ...
:jkk:
.: Anna :.
21-01-08, 09:49 AM
Sorry I didn't mean the woman is cheap, I meant that it sounds cheap when asking someone for money.
Still though, it'd kinda like buying a relationship. I mean, what if a man and woman are suitable for each other, but the woman has her mahr set too high and the man can't afford it. Really, if I was married, my money is my wife's money so what she need that petty cash in the beginning for??
well if she asks too much, he cant afford it and so they dont end up getting married.. that sister has just lost a good husband for the sake of money and i do find that a bit weird :s but then maybe that is an indication that they are not gonna be so compatible financially speaking.. as in the girl is from a rich family and the husband is not, it can be difficult then as she might be used to having as certain standard of servants etc and more expensive lifestyle and if she marries that man she has to get used to less. i know people in that position and i think it can cause bit of problems as she can keep a kind of resenting feeling that she had to adapt to a different lifestyle and do more work than she is used to. still if they feel really compatible and want to get married, it can also work in some circumstances. but when people are marrying someone on a similar background level than them, this issue of he cant afford the mahr amount which that girl expects as normal, it wont come up as such a problem in majority of times?
.: Anna :.
21-01-08, 09:50 AM
Akhi I don't why you would have to tell someone How much Mehr you got, we can discuss what amount we think is reasonable for such and such a person but to reveal how Much Mer was given to you or any Sister is unecessary ...
It may cause fitna, even Jealousy and regret between those who think they got more and those who think they got less ...
In my opinion the sisters aught to abstain from exposing the amount of their Mehrs ...
:jkk:ya that is what i was thinking
Lambo5688
21-01-08, 09:53 AM
well if she asks too much, he cant afford it and so they dont end up getting married.. that sister has just lost a good husband for the sake of money and i do find that a bit weird :s but then maybe that is an indication that they are not gonna be so compatible financially speaking.. as in the girl is from a rich family and the husband is not, it can be difficult then as she might be used to having as certain standard of servants etc and more expensive lifestyle and if she marries that man she has to get used to less. i know people in that position and i think it can cause bit of problems as she can keep a kind of resenting feeling that she had to adapt to a different lifestyle and do more work than she is used to. still if they feel really compatible and want to get married, it can also work in some circumstances. but when people are marrying someone on a similar background level than them, this issue of he cant afford the mahr amount which that girl expects as normal, it wont come up as such a problem in majority of times?
Women and their lifestyles:rubeyes:
See, Allah(swt) is commanding the men to give it as a gift, which makes sense and is great. Buy how can sisters demand a gift? If it is demanded, its not a gift.
Akhi, if you reason like this, then commanding someone to give something, making it compulsory is also not a gift ...
Astagfirullah!
a Gift is Given out of the free will of a Person, but in this case the Mehr is translated as a Gift, but it doesn't mean when and what you feel like giving, this is Compulsory, as it is commanded by Allah Ta'ala for us to do , so there is nothing wrong with the sisters demanding it ...
in like Manner if the Sisters demanded that their Husband Pray 5 times a Day, can we object and say, I know it's compulsory, but no,no,no you can't demand that I pray, do Salah 5 times a day? obviously we can't.
anything that is Compulsory, we cannot Object to nor can we complain about any Sunnah of the Rasulullah :saw: as his was the best example.
and according to the Verse cited it is Compulsory on the Man to Give a Gift (ie. Mehr) to his Wife... if the sister says Just be a Good Muslim thats good enough for me, then fine. But if the Man refuses to Pay up the Mehr, then he is committing Kufr. Disobeying Allah Ta'ala ...
therefore there is nothing wrong with the Sisters demanding what is Compulsory in Islam ...
:jkk:
Women and their lifestyles:rubeyes:
im sure there is a narration of a sahabba about this issue wa Allahu alam insha Allah someone can bring it or correct me please. it says something to the effect of : if u marry a woman from the country then dont expect her to live the lifestyle of a woman from the city, and if u marry a woman dont expect her to live the lifestyle of a woman from the country.
and sah mahr is obligatory on a man, its a womans right and an order from Allah ta ala that he pay a mahr , and he must give it to her upon the nikkah and a womans walli should tell the man what her mahr is beforehand and then he can agree to it, or if he cant afford it negotiate with the walli insha Allah.
O Prophet (Muhammad)! Verily, We have made lawful to you your wives, to whom you have paid their Mahr (bridal‑money given by the husband to his wife at the time of marriage), and those (slaves) whom your right hand possesses — whom Allaah has given to you, and the daughters of your ‘Amm (paternal uncles) and the daughters of your ‘Ammaat (paternal aunts) and the daughters of your Khaal (maternal uncles) and the daughters of your Khaalaat (maternal aunts) who migrated (from Makkah) with you, and a believing woman if she offers herself to the Prophet, and the Prophet wishes to marry her a privilege for you only, not for the (rest of) the believers. Indeed We know what We have enjoined upon them about their wives and those (slaves) whom their right hands possess, in order that there should be no difficulty on you. And Allaah is Ever Oft‑Forgiving, Most Merciful”
[al-Ahzaab 33:50]
ok.. I reverted to Islam long ago.. but I still cant wrap my senses around the concept of a dowry.
I know it is my islamic right but really...
All I would ever want from my husband to be is the promise to hold my hand through all the good and bad in our marital life. I want to be sure that when we stumble we are there to brush each others knees.
I know we are human and we falter but for me..this promise is suffiecient enough evidence that he is a man and intends to honor and take care of me in our marriage.
Ukthi there are Many Advantages to a Dowry for the sisters, but suffice to say this is something Allah Commanded to give to their Wives,
If you don't want a Dowry, a sum of Money does not have to be given to you, it could be a Quran, or even the Teaching of Islam imparted on you, or the acceptance of Islam etc ...
AL-Quran, Chapter 4 : Verse 4
------------------------------
" And give the women (on marriage) their dower as a free gift; but if they, of their own good pleasure, remit any part of it to you, Take it and enjoy it with right good cheer."
therefore a Sister doesn't have to demand a Sum of Money, or expect a Sum of Money to be Given to her upon Marriage, but she can ...
We the Brothers are commanded to give a Suitable gift to the sisters in faith upon Marriage, it is upto them if they refrain from taking the gift, or return part of it back, or all of it back ...
:jkk:
Lambo5688
21-01-08, 10:03 AM
Akhi, if you reason like this, then commanding someone to give something, making it compulsory is also not a gift ...
Astagfirullah!
a Gift is Given out of the free will of a Person, but in this case the Mehr is translated as a Gift, but it doesn't mean when and what you feel like giving, this is Compulsory, as it is commanded by Allah Ta'ala for us to do , so there is nothing wrong with the sisters demanding it ...
in like Manner if the Sisters demanded that their Husband Pray 5 times a Day, can we object and say, I know it's compulsory, but no,no,no you can't demand that I pray, do Salah 5 times a day? obviously we can't.
anything that is Compulsory, we cannot Object to nor can we complain about any Sunnah of the Rasulullah :saw: as his was the best example.
and according to the Verse cited it is Compulsory on the Man to Give a Gift (ie. Mehr) to his Wife... if the sister says Just be a Good Muslim thats good enough for me, then fine. But if the Man refuses to Pay up the Mehr, then he is committing Kufr. Disobeying Allah Ta'ala ...
therefore there is nothing wrong with the Sisters demanding what is Compulsory in Islam ...
:jkk:
Ok. So men are required to give the mahr as a gift. Makes perfect sense.
So what if the poor chap forgets about the mahr part in his marriage arrangements...the sister will demand it? Is there any example of a woman demanding mahr in the Quran or hadith?
Sorry everyone, I know you are 100% right...but this thing is just buggin me. Why would you demand it when you know you are going to get tons of it once you're married??!??!
Ok. So men are required to give the mahr as a gift. Makes perfect sense.
So what if the poor chap forgets about the mahr part in his marriage arrangements...the sister will demand it? Is there any example of a woman demanding mahr in the Quran or hadith?
Sorry everyone, I know you are 100% right...but this thing is just buggin me. Why would you demand it when you know you are going to get tons of it once you're married??!??!
its not about demanding it its part of what makes the marriage contract valid, u have to give her the mahr that was agreed upon before the marriage. just like u have to pay zakat, u have to give the mahr/dowry to your wife.
Do people still ask for this stuff? I mean, here you go wifey 1000 dollars or whatever....oh whoopdie doo big deal.
That money is coming back into your household, and shouldn't the wife expect her husband to give her some money whenever she asks him anyway? So why demand it and seem cheap in the first place?
That Money (Mehr) is not coming back into the Household unless of course the Husband is a thief and nicks it off his wife, or forces her to give it to him (in which case he is no longer a Man in my opinion), or she gives it to him her own accord.
The Mehr is Negotiated with the Wali, of both sides, according to the means of the bro about to be married ...
They can demand/decide call it it whatever you want, the to be given to the Sister, we can negotiate to get it to be reasonable, but if they insist on Extravagant Mehrs, then we can simply reject it and the Marriage.
:jkk:
Lambo5688
21-01-08, 10:10 AM
Ok thats fine.
But I'm still gonna do this: :0: during mahr negotiations.
Ok. So men are required to give the mahr as a gift. Makes perfect sense.
So what if the poor chap forgets about the mahr part in his marriage arrangements...the sister will demand it? Is there any example of a woman demanding mahr in the Quran or hadith?
Sorry everyone, I know you are 100% right...but this thing is just buggin me. Why would you demand it when you know you are going to get tons of it once you're married??!??!
Akhi No Muslim brother on Earth will ever forget about the Mehr due to the sister he is about to wed ... :smack:
The Sister can remind him, demand it, or her wali can ...
We cannot Object and say, no, no, no You can't demand it, I'll give it to you when I remember or feel like it ... :rubeyes:
What you get after Marriage (assuming your referring to Money Given by the Husband to his Wife) is not Mehr, this is a Pre-arranged Gift which Allah Ta'ala commanded us to give upon Marriage ...
:jkk:
.: Anna :.
21-01-08, 10:14 AM
I dont think he will forget about the mahr because it is part of the wedding contract so the person doing the nikah for them is gonna ask..
I dont think he will forget about the mahr because it is part of the wedding contract so the person doing the nikah for them is gonna ask..
Ditto Ukthi ...
:jkk:
Lambo5688
21-01-08, 10:16 AM
Eggzactly, if the person doing the nikah will remind the man, what need is there for the woman to "demand" it???
Abu Mu'adh
21-01-08, 10:18 AM
The need is for her to stipulate the amount, the demanding of it is left to others.
Lambo5688
21-01-08, 10:19 AM
The need is for her to stipulate the amount, the demanding of it is left to others.
What??? Now there's a public auction going on? :rubeyes:
:salams:
It was not a random figure pulled out of thin air, obviously it was something negotiated between our families. And if my spouse had any doubts about not being able pay to pay it; he would not have agreed to it.
If you look at modern day divorce and what goes into marriage 50k is a nominal amount. People live in over 250k priced houses. Some Muslims are spending over 25k on just wedding celebrations. A member of my family has just spent over 40k on his wedding (not Islamically approved, but non-the less its becoming more common!) So its naive to think that 50k give you financial security.
Of-course your free to make your own marital financial arrangements to suit your situation. But for us this was good. :)
What?! :rubeyes:
I mean, I can understand that your wali's intentions here, I think but the majority of men would never be able to pay you that much money. which means that if he ever wants to divorce you he won't be able to. Personally I'd rather he divorced me than stayed with me just cos he couldn't afford not to, I mean what sort of a marriage is that??
Mahr should be about the woman having some finanical security in case of divorce, NOT ensuring that divorce never happens!!
What??? Now there's a public auction going on? :rubeyes:
no look before u get married, before the day of your nikkah your supposed to ask the walli what the womans dowry is, then he will tell u, then u agree to it if u want to marry her, and if u dont agree to it you`ll have to try and explain why u cant afford it etc. and try and bring it down or agree on something else ( but then he might think hmm can he look after my daughter properly ) so then on the day of your nikkah the walli when he gives the woman to u in marriage, will ask her what her dowry is, and she will state it, then u will say u agree and u give her the dowry ( some people dont actually hand it over in the nikkah day and Allah knows best about this, and wether it can be given later on, and how long that can be delayed for insha Allah someone has knowledge of this )
.: Anna :.
21-01-08, 10:24 AM
noo, lambo at the time of nikah the woman doesnt come and demand it like "hey dont forget my mahr i need this amount okay!!" its just agreed before hand so they hav an understanding what the mahr is, then the imam says to the them do u agree to marry this person with this amount of mahr (Something like that) and they say i accept..?
Lambo5688
21-01-08, 10:28 AM
no look before u get married, before the day of your nikkah your supposed to ask the walli what the womans dowry is, then he will tell u, then u agree to it if u want to marry her, and if u dont agree to it you`ll have to try and explain why u cant afford it etc. and try and bring it down or agree on something else ( but then he might think hmm can he look after my daughter properly ) so then on the day of your nikkah the walli when he gives the woman to u in marriage, will ask her what her dowry is, and she will state it, then u will say u agree and u give her the dowry ( some people dont actually hand it over in the nikkah day and Allah knows best about this, and wether it can be given later on, and how long that can be delayed for insha Allah someone has knowledge of this )
noo, lambo at the time of nikah the woman doesnt come and demand it like "hey dont forget my mahr i need this amount okay!!" its just agreed before hand so they hav an understanding what the mahr is, then the imam says to the them do u agree to marry this person with this amount of mahr (Something like that) and they say i accept..?
ok, "understanding"...now thats the word I wanted to hear. :D
I guess its all good if the woman isn't being a monster about her dowry.
:salams:
I think many people from south Asia associate 'dowry' with what the bride gives rather then what the groom gives; unfortunately.
Tranquillity
21-01-08, 01:40 PM
:salams:
It was not a random figure pulled out of thin air, obviously it was something negotiated between our families. And if my spouse had any doubts about not being able pay to pay it; he would not have agreed to it.
If you look at modern day divorce and what goes into marriage 50k is a nominal amount. People live in over 250k priced houses. Some Muslims are spending over 25k on just wedding celebrations. A member of my family has just spent over 40k on his wedding (not Islamically approved, but non-the less its becoming more common!) So its naive to think that 50k give you financial security.
Of-course your free to make your own marital financial arrangements to suit your situation. But for us this was good. :)
sis, i respect that the choice is yours and your husbands, but it doesn't convince me in the slightest when you try to make 50,000 sound like it's not really that much because of what other people spend on their houses and weddings. I mean, 50,000, subhan'Allah!! I can't even comprehend spending anywhere near that amount on a wedding or expecting it for a mahr. In the day and age we live in, a lot of things are done that are not right, we should not be using the poor behaviour of others as a benchmark.
It is NOT "naive to think that 50k give you financial security", not when this is money we will be answerable for down to the last penny. what could anyone possibly need that much money for??!!
I repeat again, I am not disputing the right of you and your husband to agree on a mahr that suits you both, but I disagree with you when you make it out to be a reasonable amount. It isn't.
.: Anna :.
21-01-08, 01:59 PM
reasonable is subjective depending on the background and lifestyle of both the husband and wife, and what his income is.
alot of people may find it to be a lot, but noone forces the husband to accept that amount. it is not compulsory for him to accept and marry that girl, so as he did this thru his free will... i dont think it is any of our place to say if it is reasonable or not. obviously husband and wife both agreed it to be reasonable or that wedding would not have taken place.
Tahiyah
21-01-08, 02:11 PM
Do people still ask for this stuff? I mean, here you go wifey 1000 dollars or whatever....oh whoopdie doo big deal.
That money is coming back into your household, and shouldn't the wife expect her husband to give her some money whenever she asks him anyway? So why demand it and seem cheap in the first place?
honestly, this is how i always kinda felt too. and akhi, its not about being cheap.. not if done the proper islamic way. nothing cheap about Islam..and we are not suppose to be demanding. i remember reading a hadith where a man had nothing to give so the Prophet (saw) asked him how much Quran he had memorized and that alone was enough!..this isnt suppose to be about material things..
i think its nice to ask for Qurans, Hadith collections, this way you will always have them and its a nice way to begin a marriage...inshaa Allah
Tranquillity
21-01-08, 02:23 PM
reasonable is subjective depending on the background and lifestyle of both the husband and wife, and what his income is.
alot of people may find it to be a lot, but noone forces the husband to accept that amount. it is not compulsory for him to accept and marry that girl, so as he did this thru his free will... i dont think it is any of our place to say if it is reasonable or not. obviously husband and wife both agreed it to be reasonable or that wedding would not have taken place.
okay sis, I can see your point. It just worries me about what implications this sort of thing has for our ummah because i know too many people who can't marry due to the high price fixed on a mahr.
Deeds, I apologise for coming across all judgemental. :o
.: Anna :.
21-01-08, 02:35 PM
If the practise of asking too high mahr becomes out of control and there are problems as a result like people can not get married easily (i heard this is a problem for some in the gulf?) then someone should say something about that as an advice because it is causing a social problem, but just personally i think when advice is given on that it should be in general terms only and not ever directed towards a specific wife's mahr if her husband already agreed to that.
I think once didnt Umar radhiallahu anhu make a speech saying that mahrs are getting too high and he wants to limit it, and one woman has said to him how can u limit something which Allah and his messenger :saw: did not place a limit on it? and he (r) accepted that and yes you are right and he did not then make any specific limit to what they can ask.
Tranquillity
21-01-08, 03:11 PM
If the practise of asking too high mahr becomes out of control and there are problems as a result like people can not get married easily (i heard this is a problem for some in the gulf?) then someone should say something about that as an advice because it is causing a social problem, but just personally i think when advice is given on that it should be in general terms only and not ever directed towards a specific wife's mahr if her husband already agreed to that.
I think once didnt Umar radhiallahu anhu make a speech saying that mahrs are getting too high and he wants to limit it, and one woman has said to him how can u limit something which Allah and his messenger :saw: did not place a limit on it? and he (r) accepted that and yes you are right and he did not then make any specific limit to what they can ask.
Yes, you're right that did happen but no one is saying that people should be told how much they can give just that these things should not presented to others as a desirable thing. I mean, you may disagree but I don't think that if someone is given a high mahr she should say to others that such an amount is necessary, like saying how could you ask for anything less? The problem here is that people disclose their mahr when there is no need for it.
mahr. It's never been asked by any of the girls in my family when they married. And they didnt get a low amount either.
Personally I've not thought about it, I feel a bit rude to ask for a specific amount of money. :S
Saudi Prince
21-01-08, 03:28 PM
There is always two sides to a coin you see. What works for one might not work for the other. I will give examples Insha Allah.
I know a lot of sisters who have asked for really little when it comes to their mahr such as a date (as in the fruit that you break your fast with...yes... ONE DATE), a copy of the Qur'an, a radio and other very creative but stupid requests. I'm not doubting the sisters' sincerity and Allah knows best their intentions but this idea of false piety does not wash with me. Due to the fact that most sisters are cheapning themselves in such a manner, it is quite easy for a brother to divorce them and trust me I have seen such cases. Its like an imam said, easy come easy go. Now this is not the case in all situations, I'm just saying it from what I know.
Then there is the case whereby there was a sister who came from a VERY POOR family who married her husband for the sake of his deen and so asked for a copy of the Qur'an as her mahr. Now the brother lied to her to start off with because he had been married before and failed to mention this. Ok, after 14 years of marriage and no children, the family started putting pressure on her saying she can't produce. They will both go to the doctors and each time, it will be said she is fine but whenever his results were to be discussed, he will ask her to leave the room so that he will speak to the doctor privately. It turns out he couldn't have children and this was why his first wife left him.
All his family knew yet they blamed her and she became ill as a result of this. When she found out, after 14 years, she sought divorce and he wouldn't divorce her. He said he would divorce her on the basis that she returns the same Qur'an he gave her BRAND new. They took the matter to a sheikh and the sheikh said he had no case. Now imagine if she had asked for a large mahr, she wouldn't have been able to get out of the marriage at least not easily.
So what I'm saying is, it depends on the situation. Allah knows best.
You are contradicting yourself! In one hand, you said sisters should not cheap themselves and I think you are wrong and can not speak about the intentions of other sisters. This is just not good!
On the other hand, you said if she had asked for much mahr, she wouldn't have been able to get herself divorced! So, which one do you support, large or little mahr? :confused:
And those who ask for a little mahr are the ones who married their husband BECAUSE they are so sure about how good they are...nothing to do with cheaping one's self!
Saudi Prince
21-01-08, 03:31 PM
:salams:
My husband is a student so I asked for £50 mehr. But my wali wanted more security for me and put in the contract that it will be £50 paid up front and in the case of divorce the remaining mehr of £50,000 will be paid to me.
£50,000 That's too much for an average person!!
Saudi Prince
21-01-08, 03:32 PM
If you were a true "Saudi Prince", you would actually give her more than what she asked out of your generosity:torture:
I advise you to read the post again and try to understand it!
naima27
21-01-08, 03:33 PM
So, I imagine you will ask for $1 only. :)
If my husband has to give me mahar. Then I will take only an amount or gift suitable to his situation. If he is struggling paycheck to paycheck I will not ask for more than I know he can realistically afford. After all If I truly want to marry this man I will not let his economic situation postpone what Allah has commanded. We will marry and then inchallah work together towards establashing a stable household. :)
Saudi Prince
21-01-08, 03:33 PM
Umm, I would like my wife to be considerate thats all, after all depending on how much she asks me we will know how our future financial life will be. I think, when you get married your spouse is in it with you in every hardship so, I mean if she asks for a lot of mehr in the end it will still belong in the family...
You didn't give a figure!
Saudi Prince
21-01-08, 03:34 PM
A diamond ;). Just kidding, whatever he can afford to give as a mahr i would be fine with. Not every man can afford to give his wife thousands of dollars. Remember the best mahr in islam had no tag on it, it was that of Umm Sulaim. Her mahr was that of the acceptance of Abu Talha to Islam whom she married afterwards.
Why don't you give a figure?
Saudi Prince
21-01-08, 03:37 PM
I got a quran which has helped me a lot with memorisations :up: couldn't ask for a better gift
Mashaa Alalh. That's good. :)
naima27
21-01-08, 03:43 PM
UmmAayman that is a beautiful gift. A beautiful way to start an Islamic marriage.
Saudi Prince
21-01-08, 03:48 PM
I have a question, is it good to tell everyone how much mahr u got? because for some reason it feels a bit wrong if everyone was to say or compare how much they asked for or how much they got? I dno.. I guess people hear the amount if they are there at the time of the nikah..
but do we have ne guidance about this or not? i mean like sometimes it could feel like showing off or somethng if the amount was alot?
(saudi prince i am not saying ur question is wrong, i am only asking okay :) )
Why not tell us? What is wrong with that? The mahr at the end of they is not what you are worth! And why do you think people will start comparing? Come on put the figure up.
Saudi Prince
21-01-08, 03:54 PM
hmmmm is that why Saudis marry more than 1
Actually, this is a rare case in Saudi if it wasn't the only one! And it is not true that many Saudis marry more than one. I would say the vast majority marry only one. I don't like marrying more than one but I would defend polygamy to the last drop of blood. :)
Saudi Prince
21-01-08, 03:59 PM
Exactly, well S.P won't have problems looking for his wives then...... ;)
I said it many times 1 is more than enough for me. No need for too much headeche. :)
.: Anna :.
21-01-08, 04:00 PM
Why not tell us? What is wrong with that? The mahr at the end of they is not what you are worth! And why do you think people will start comparing? Come on put the figure up.
I rather not put it up infront of everyone, its a medium amount. more than 1 sr and less than 50k :p
Saudi Prince
21-01-08, 04:02 PM
We don't value People with Money , the Mahr is a Gift (Compulsory for the Men to give to their Wives) ...
so it is inappropriate for you to make statements like she is Only for 1 S.R which I'm assuming was a Saudi Riyal ...
even as a Joke.
:jkk:
Does this man have anything to say other than arguing pointlessly?
Saudi Prince
21-01-08, 04:04 PM
Do people still ask for this stuff? I mean, here you go wifey 1000 dollars or whatever....oh whoopdie doo big deal.
That money is coming back into your household, and shouldn't the wife expect her husband to give her some money whenever she asks him anyway? So why demand it and seem cheap in the first place?
So, 1 pound shall we say?
Saudi Prince
21-01-08, 04:06 PM
Those with a healthy level of hayaa will have this feeling.
We will leave this false hayaa for you sir.
Saudi Prince
21-01-08, 04:13 PM
Ukthi I don't why you would have to tell someone How much Mehr you got, we can discuss what amount we think is reasonable for such and such a person but to reveal how Much Mer was given to you or any Sister is unnecessary ...
It may cause fitna, even Jealousy and regret between those who think they got more and those who think they got less ...
In my opinion the sisters aught to abstain from exposing the amount of their Mehrs ...
:jkk:
Do you know other words than fitnah? Everything is fitnah for you!!
I remember a documentary once where in Pak the boy and girl would disappear and run off to get married. The mahr was at 25Rs or something. They found most often they'd marry the girl, have sex with her a few times and then divorce her.
Wonder what she did with her Rs25 mahr? Buy a packet of sweets?
Secure enough mahr that'll be of some practical use. Use your common sense.
Amount and type of mahr would vary from woman to woman - there is no "agreed" or "desired" level so going into a discussion based on what peope think is "acceptable" is incredibly useless.
sis_niqabi
21-01-08, 05:01 PM
salam
i think there needs to be a balance for a mahr. 1 riyal is too little. and asking for something like 100,000 riyals(as many ask for in the gulf) is too much.
imported_MMS
21-01-08, 05:02 PM
i'd ask for summin better than money :nerdsis:
the main point of this thread was that saudi prince wanted to let us all know how rich he is @)
http://watchedpots.com/uploaded_images/room_care-787245.jpg
Syrian714
21-01-08, 05:05 PM
Assalamu alaikom siss and bros, :)
Anyone interested? ;) She is only for 1 S.R and that's about 13 p. :)
and before the siss hold my throat, no this is not what she is worth that's her Mahr. :)
I once heard Shaikh Ibn Othaimeen RA telling a story of a man who married his daughter to a brother for 1 S.R ONLY. The Shaikh was the one who did the Nikah. He said when I asked him about the mahr he replied '1 S.R only!' Then the Shaikh carried on advising people to reduce the mahr....
My question now is how much would you ask for as a mahr if you're a woman and how much would you want your wife to ask for if you're a man? Please be honest and put a rough figure. There is no need to pretend to be someone who is not you.
Personally, I would love my wife to ask for a very little amount of money. Idealy 1 pound. :D I wallahi can afford whatever she may ask but I just do not want her to marry me for my money.
Down to you guys...state your figure. :)
Assalamu Alaikum.
I don't like the idea of asking for money, but of course that is just my personal opinion. My reason for that is that I think there are better options that will benefit everyone involved rather than just one person.
For example, I'd ask for something that is not very expensive but useful, like a nice khimar or abaya. That is something a woman will get a lot of use from, it will always make her husband happy to see her wearing it, and she could even pass it on to her daughter someday, insha'Allah.
sis_niqabi
21-01-08, 05:09 PM
salam
i also think sisters need to start asking for mahrs which are going to be beneficial to them.
i know of one sister who asked for a date. and another for a rose. another ones ask for an ironing board(what was she thinking?). and then another asked for a microwave.
i mean really. some men might take this as a message that their wives are only worth that little mahr. the sister who took a rose for her mahr.the husband started beating her.
so i think taking small silly mahrs like this can send a message to some men that they can treat you anyway you want
Metroid
21-01-08, 05:24 PM
My spending limit on dowry will not be more than $5000:up:
This is one of those things that come under 'personal' information, like your salary.
Not something to go around telling people, and anybody with an ounce of propriety wouldn't ask other people how much it was, and definitely not press them on it.
I think it should be a reasonable amount, somewhere between half a thousand and a few hundred thousand.
Saudi Prince
21-01-08, 05:50 PM
reasonable is subjective depending on the background and lifestyle of both the husband and wife, and what his income is.
alot of people may find it to be a lot, but noone forces the husband to accept that amount. it is not compulsory for him to accept and marry that girl, so as he did this thru his free will... i dont think it is any of our place to say if it is reasonable or not. obviously husband and wife both agreed it to be reasonable or that wedding would not have taken place.
What's the average wages in UK?
What's the average wages in UK?
Depends where, about £25,000 - lower in many parts, depending on education, location, status etc... but the average is irrelevant.
Saudi Prince
21-01-08, 05:54 PM
honestly, this is how i always kinda felt too. and akhi, its not about being cheap.. not if done the proper islamic way. nothing cheap about Islam..and we are not suppose to be demanding. i remember reading a hadith where a man had nothing to give so the Prophet (saw) asked him how much Quran he had memorized and that alone was enough!..this isnt suppose to be about material things..
i think its nice to ask for Qurans, Hadith collections, this way you will always have them and its a nice way to begin a marriage...inshaa Allah
sisters..its cute to ask for the emotional mushy things but seriously..dont. dont ask for things like as long as he always keeps his promises and treats me kind, etc etc..because everytime there is a little disagreement or struggle with one another you may always bring that up to him and make him feel as tho he isnt fulfilling his obligations and setting yourself up for disappointments. there are ups and downs in marriages and alot of that mushy stuff is already expected sooo
trust me....take the cash ;)
I'm now confused!!! Which one is your answer?
tickledpinko
21-01-08, 05:59 PM
it depends...personally i'd say not too little but not too much depending on his wages and how much he can afford to give to his wife as dowry...it's best to be practical.
Depends where, about £25,000 - lower in many parts, depending on education, location, status etc... but the average is irrelevant.
where are you bro. joha where i am its around 1000-1500 and i thought that was alot but 25,000 thats a joke what if your on a low income with 4-5 sons
.: Anna :.
21-01-08, 06:10 PM
where are you bro. joha where i am its around 1000-1500 and i thought that was alot but 25,000 thats a joke what if your on a low income with 4-5 sons
per year in uk the average income can not be £1000-1500... maybe u mean per month?
per year in uk the average income can not be £1000-1500... maybe u mean per month?
Must be per month, unless she means 10,000 - 15,000 which is still a bit low for the average.
where are you bro. joha where i am its around 1000-1500 and i thought that was alot but 25,000 thats a joke what if your on a low income with 4-5 sons
in the right bits :p
No, I mean that's the median annual salary in the UK.
per year in uk the average income can not be £1000-1500... maybe u mean per month?
Oophs i misunderstood, :o i thought jona was talking about the mahr, sorry all, i do apoligise :o :outta:
Oophs i misunderstood, :o i thought jona was talking about the mahr, sorry all, i do apoligise :o :outta:
lol, mahr? At 25,000? Only SP could afford that with a grant from the Saudi bait Al-maal.
wel in my culture, bout £10,000 is put down, then taken from that are the costs of the brides clothes and jewlry...gold usually costs bout £3/4 thou and then the brides wedding outfit costs min £600 and then the remaining (if thers anythin left!) if thers a divorce...
BUT, wot if the bride dnt want fancy clothes n jewlry, say she wants cash in hand...wot to do then?!
In answer to the original ques...i wud luk at the guys salary/wages n then decide...dnt wana rinse him dry if hes skint but if hes got dosh then gimme sum!! :D
hmmm.... i dont know.. but someone once mentioned $20,000??? :rubeyes:
umm_abdullah
21-01-08, 06:28 PM
when it comes to mehr i would personally think about my ouwn intrest 1st and i would place a figure that is suitable for me, i dont wanna go too high becuz i might have to pay back if i asked for divorce and i dont wanna goo to low for my own values soo i would go 50/50 depend on his pocket and mine lol think wisely sisters
Saudi Prince
21-01-08, 06:44 PM
I rather not put it up infront of everyone, its a medium amount. more than 1 sr and less than 50k :p
15,000? If you can't say it then tell me what do you think is the average for a mahr (from your point of view?
Saudi Prince
21-01-08, 06:47 PM
:scratch:
1 p? ;)
Saudi Prince
21-01-08, 06:48 PM
i'd ask for summin better than money :nerdsis:
the main point of this thread was that saudi prince wanted to let us all know how rich he is @)
http://watchedpots.com/uploaded_images/room_care-787245.jpg
Silly comment but doesn't surprise me!
Saudi Prince
21-01-08, 06:52 PM
Assalamu Alaikum.
I don't like the idea of asking for money, but of course that is just my personal opinion. My reason for that is that I think there are better options that will benefit everyone involved rather than just one person.
For example, I'd ask for something that is not very expensive but useful, like a nice khimar or abaya. That is something a woman will get a lot of use from, it will always make her husband happy to see her wearing it, and she could even pass it on to her daughter someday, insha'Allah.
So, what's the figure? no?
A Syrian friend paid $5000 + gold and many other suff.
1 p? ;)
As far as I'm aware, in Turkish culture, we don't ask for money. Both sides give each other gifts - the man's side also buys his future wife jewellery for the wedding.
Saudi Prince
21-01-08, 06:56 PM
salam
i also think sisters need to start asking for mahrs which are going to be beneficial to them.
i know of one sister who asked for a date. and another for a rose. another ones ask for an ironing board(what was she thinking?). and then another asked for a microwave.
i mean really. some men might take this as a message that their wives are only worth that little mahr. the sister who took a rose for her mahr.the husband started beating her.
so i think taking small silly mahrs like this can send a message to some men that they can treat you anyway you want
This is not true at all unless a person marries someone they don't know!!
I like the idea of 1 date by the way. :D
Syrian714
21-01-08, 07:03 PM
So, what's the figure? no?
A Syrian friend paid $5000 + gold and many other suff.
Really? My father's friend married a relative from Syria and I think the plane ticket it cost to fly her here counted as her mahr, haha. Not sure if anything else was included though.
Sorry brother, I can't give a figure. Not because I don't want to but because it's flexible - I would entirely base the mahr on my future husband's occupation and income.
Saudi Prince
21-01-08, 07:04 PM
This is one of those things that come under 'personal' information, like your salary.
Not something to go around telling people, and anybody with an ounce of propriety wouldn't ask other people how much it was, and definitely not press them on it.
I think it should be a reasonable amount, somewhere between half a thousand and a few hundred thousand.
Joha, you're affected by English culture! 'gosh, now you'll be able to work out my age'!
Everybody should be confident of themselves. And it is good to know what people think of mahr.
Anyway, joha you're okay then with 5000 shall we say?
Saudi Prince
21-01-08, 07:15 PM
Depends where, about £25,000 - lower in many parts, depending on education, location, status etc... but the average is irrelevant.
Are you sure?
Sounds about right 500 per week
Saudi Prince
21-01-08, 07:24 PM
hmmm.... i dont know.. but someone once mentioned $20,000??? :rubeyes:
That's the average in Saudi.
Saudi Prince
21-01-08, 07:26 PM
when it comes to mehr i would personally think about my ouwn intrest 1st and i would place a figure that is suitable for me, i dont wanna go too high becuz i might have to pay back if i asked for divorce and i dont wanna goo to low for my own values soo i would go 50/50 depend on his pocket and mine lol think wisely sisters
If he earns 3000 pound monthly what do you think is a reasonable mahr?
Saudi Prince
21-01-08, 07:29 PM
Really? My father's friend married a relative from Syria and I think the plane ticket it cost to fly her here counted as her mahr, haha. Not sure if anything else was included though.
Sorry brother, I can't give a figure. Not because I don't want to but because it's flexible - I would entirely base the mahr on my future husband's occupation and income.
let's say he earns $4000 monthly, what do you think is a suitable mahr?
Joha, you're affected by English culture! 'gosh, now you'll be able to work out my age'!
Everybody should be confident of themselves. And it is good to know what people think of mahr.
Anyway, joha you're okay then with 5000 shall we say?
Lol, I'm surprised you know something of English culture :p -
ps: It's got nothing to do with confidence
I don't know about numbers, I think that's one possible figure...but it all depends on circumstances.
Are you sure?
Yep, I got that from the UK's Office for National Statistics - I think people misunderstood me, this is the average (median) annual salary.
Saudi Prince
21-01-08, 07:42 PM
Yep, I got that from the UK's Office for National Statistics - I think people misunderstood me, this is the average (median) annual salary.
How much do you think a teacher in scool earn? The net monthly income.
How much do you think a teacher in scool earn? The net monthly income.
Depends where....(again). There are teachers that earn upwards of £80k, in public schools. Then again, there are teachers earning 15,000 - but the average for a fully qualified secondary school teacher in the state sector is about £33k.
Gross and annual. Do the calcs :)
Edit: Hmm, maybe that number is a little high, but that's what the DFES thinks
Saudi Prince
21-01-08, 07:52 PM
Depends where....(again). There are teachers that earn upwards of £80k, in public schools. Then again, there are teachers earning 15,000 - but the average for a fully qualified secondary school teacher in the state sector is about £33k.
Gross and annual. Do the calcs :)
33k. Is that after tax?
Gross and annual.
here...
Le Croyant
21-01-08, 07:59 PM
Mahr is very high here in Saudi.. the minimum i have seen in my family is SR 50,000 (abt $13333) but have also see it go upto SR 100,000.
My wife is frm Bahrain, I couldn't afford the mahr nor the demands of a villa, car, maids, etc of a average Saudi girl.
Kuwait is also like Saudi. But the other Gulf countries r not this crazy. The avg mahr in Bahrain is SR 20,000. The shias in Saudi r different, they r not as materialistic like the sunnis. their mahr is usually a Quran, abaya, a prayer mat.
That's the average in Saudi.
$20,000 is not equivalent to 20,000 of saudi currency. i believe the dollar is stronger no?
Mahr is very high here in Saudi.. the minimum i have seen in my family is SR 50,000 (abt $13333) but have also see it go upto SR 100,000.
wow, the women are cleaning u guys out :rubeyes:
The shias in Saudi r different, they r not as materialistic like the sunnis. their mahr is usually a Quran, abaya, a prayer mat.
yeah lol ive heard the exact same thing :p
:salams:
It may be too much for the average person. But its very much acceptable and within my status.
Also Islamically there is no set amount for mehr, it is encouraged for women to get the mehr that is acceptable from within their peer group.
Many people include in their mehr jewellery, clothes, furniture and all other presents given by the groom. I actually had a simple nikah and none of the above items. Also like I said, it is a very acceptable amount for my husband.
I am not stating a figure to shock people, but rather to say its a matter of what is acceptable to both parties. Also if my husband drives a 30k car surely 50k for mehr is not an outrageous price. I have self esteem and am confident as a person, I like to exercise my Islamic rights. Just as my husband knows his Islamic rights to.
Also my marriage contract was not just about mehr, I had other things added which were important to me. I believe the marriage contact should be a very important document and not something left as an oversight in marriage.
£50,000 That's too much for an average person!!
I hear the sisters in Saudi ask too much and this is the main reason for the high amount of young people left unmarried there. Honestly - I don't know who to feel more sorry for
Mahr is very high here in Saudi.. the minimum i have seen in my family is SR 50,000 (abt $13333) but have also see it go upto SR 100,000.
My wife is frm Bahrain, I couldn't afford the mahr nor the demands of a villa, car, maids, etc of a average Saudi girl.
Kuwait is also like Saudi. But the other Gulf countries r not this crazy. The avg mahr in Bahrain is SR 20,000. The shias in Saudi r different, they r not as materialistic like the sunnis. their mahr is usually a Quran, abaya, a prayer mat.
are you shia?
I hear the sisters in Saudi ask too much and this is the main reason for the high amount of young people left unmarried there. Honestly - I don't know who to feel more sorry for
i think i kinda feel sorry for the brothers... yeah, spoiled rotten gucci feels like theres a limit to how much a decent woman should ask :rubeyes: somethings wrong with me :o
Le Croyant
21-01-08, 08:16 PM
are you shia?
no... i live in Dammam which in the eastern province. many shias here in dammam.. had classmates who were shias. Sihat & Qatif r known r shia towns here.
So that's how i know abt their mahr system.
no... i live in Dammam which in the eastern province. many shias here in dammam.. had classmates who were shias. Sihat & Qatif r known r shia towns here.
So that's how i know abt their mahr system.
oh cool mashaAllah.
*Al-Qadr*
21-01-08, 09:09 PM
Someone told me I should ask for £5,000 :S
Ask for an amount you think you will find useful (if he decides things come to an end) and which you can give back (should you end it)
Sucks to think of marriage in terms of divorce but hey thats what the mahr is all about. Its not about fluffy symbolism. Its not even a wedding gift. The nikah is treated as a contract like any other, like a business contract. The mahr is simply there to solidify the contract and its contents.
Think of mahr as a deposit :p Treat it as such too.
insomniac
21-01-08, 09:22 PM
We don't value People with Money , the Mahr is a Gift (Compulsory for the Men to give to their Wives) ...
so it is inappropriate for you to make statements like she is Only for 1 S.R which I'm assuming was a Saudi Riyal ...
even as a Joke.
:jkk:
:up: best post brother
:jkk:
Noor_Usman
21-01-08, 09:41 PM
I never got asked I got told :rolleyes:
In our Nikah in UK we weren't going to have one (or at least the guys had already decided a figure but thought it didn't matter because they believed you either paid it off during the marriage or on divorce :o ) but the Imam turned around and point blank wouldn't marry us until my husband to be gave me £101 exactly then and there :rubeyes:
The 2nd Nikah in PK was even funnier. The guy acting as my Wali (I didn't appoint him he chose himself :rolleyes: ) wanted to charge 60,000R - or something like that, so that my husband could never afford to divorce me because he felt very maternal to me (which as any sensible muslim should know is haram :( ) but my husband agreed with him on 6,000R which made sense to him because it's about 1 months wage in UK. I think the other guy didn't clock on though because at the time hubby hadn't got visa to come back to UK so he was obviously still thinking in rupees and not sterling! :D (gota love the cheek of my husband for that! :inlove: )
I may have said something like "I don't need anything apart from you" or something equally soppy :rubeyes: but I certainly never agreed those amounts anyway :rolleyes:
Woh this threads been busy since my last visit! About demanding unrealistically high mahr to prevent divorce, I agree with this comment:
Personally I'd rather he divorced me than stayed with me just cos he couldn't afford not to, I mean what sort of a marriage is that??
Mahr should be about the woman having some finanical security in case of divorce, NOT ensuring that divorce never happens!!
And I think if you're that confident that it doesn't seem right to ask for money then you can always ask for a simpler mahr like a copy of the Quran or something.
Personally I've not thought about it, I feel a bit rude to ask for a specific amount of money. :S
Mahr doesn't have to be money. Besides I think it is somewhat odd asking for money that would probably be used for the household anyway - how about a gift, like a vacation for the newly weds, like a honeymoon?
Abu Mu'adh
21-01-08, 10:35 PM
Mahr doesn't have to be money. Besides I think it is somewhat odd asking for money that would probably be used for the household anyway - how about a gift, like a vacation for the newly weds, like a honeymoon?
Even better how about kitchen appliances and cleaning equipment....
state of the art of course
:outta:
Saudi Prince
21-01-08, 10:37 PM
I never got asked I got told :rolleyes:
In our Nikah in UK we weren't going to have one (or at least the guys had already decided a figure but thought it didn't matter because they believed you either paid it off during the marriage or on divorce :o ) but the Imam turned around and point blank wouldn't marry us until my husband to be gave me £101 exactly then and there :rubeyes:
The 2nd Nikah in PK was even funnier. The guy acting as my Wali (I didn't appoint him he chose himself :rolleyes: ) wanted to charge 60,000R - or something like that, so that my husband could never afford to divorce me because he felt very maternal to me (which as any sensible muslim should know is haram :( ) but my husband agreed with him on 6,000R which made sense to him because it's about 1 months wage in UK. I think the other guy didn't clock on though because at the time hubby hadn't got visa to come back to UK so he was obviously still thinking in rupees and not sterling! :D (gota love the cheek of my husband for that! :inlove: )
I may have said something like "I don't need anything apart from you" or something equally soppy :rubeyes: but I certainly never agreed those amounts anyway :rolleyes:
I like this Noor_Usman. :) I like confidence. Either like this or nothing.
Saudi Prince
21-01-08, 10:42 PM
mahr. It's never been asked by any of the girls in my family when they married. And they didnt get a low amount either.
Personally I've not thought about it, I feel a bit rude to ask for a specific amount of money. :S
How about 0.0 pound? Not that bad. ;)
Saudi Prince
21-01-08, 10:44 PM
$20,000 is not equivalent to 20,000 of saudi currency. i believe the dollar is stronger no?
[/COLOR][/B]
I'm talking about US dollar!
Woh this threads been busy since my last visit! About demanding unrealistically high mahr to prevent divorce, I agree with this comment:
And I think if you're that confident that it doesn't seem right to ask for money then you can always ask for a simpler mahr like a copy of the Quran or something.
I was'nt aware that a quran can be inc in the mahr?
i dont think the confidence is a problem. InshaAllah ill never have to use the mahr. I simply could not give a figure reason because it's not considered to be given undivided attention throughout. The guy decides and thats it. At the same time the guy should use his brains and give enough for the girl to (just in case) provide for herself. (thats when he is not there)
How about 0.0 pound? Not that bad. ;)
If im honest. I don't think for a moment I would use the mahr. My family is always there for me, and if naudhubillah I ever need financial means. I have my family.
Saudi Prince
21-01-08, 10:49 PM
If im honest. I don't think for a moment I would use the mahr. My family is always there for me, and if naudhubillah I ever need financial means. I have my family.
If you were asked to specify a figure, what would it be?
If you were asked to specify a figure, what would it be?
I would not specify a figure. Even if I was asked to.
I would not specify a figure. Even if I was asked to.
clearly you've never argued with Saudi Prince :rolleyes:
clearly you've never argued with Saudi Prince :rolleyes:
nope not for two months;)
Saudi Prince
21-01-08, 11:14 PM
I would not specify a figure. Even if I was asked to.
Would you take it if he gives you 5 pound only then?
Metroid
22-01-08, 01:07 AM
i think i kinda feel sorry for the brothers... yeah, spoiled rotten gucci feels like theres a limit to how much a decent woman should ask :rubeyes: somethings wrong with me :o
You have not asked the opinion of Dolce & Gabana and that of the Versase girl :rubeyes:
Metroid
22-01-08, 01:09 AM
$20,000 is not equivalent to 20,000 of saudi currency. i believe the dollar is stronger no?
[B][COLOR="Magenta"]wow, the women are cleaning u guys out :rubeyes:
At least I would be expecting a long lasting relationship by marrying a Saudi.
$20000 is therefore worth the investment
At least I would be expecting a long lasting relationship by marrying a Saudi.
$20000 is therefore worth the investment
right, because women tend to stay in marriages longer if the mahr weighs more and marriages usually break because of low amount of mahr eh.
Omar Mukhtar
22-01-08, 01:34 AM
No wonder y so many brothers end up marrying sisters from back home, the paresnts of sisters from here ask for too much for mahr.
If you wanna a nice, cheap, simple wedding. than marry a sister from back home village. :up:
Suliman
22-01-08, 01:44 AM
£4.36, a Kinder Suprise and a £20 voucher for Game Station :up:
Obviously my wife is priceless, but it's all relative at the end of the day. Different people and different circumstances.
Suliman
22-01-08, 01:44 AM
No wonder y so many brothers end up marrying sisters from back home, the paresnts of sisters from here ask for too much for mahr.
If you wanna a nice, cheap, simple wedding. than marry a sister from back home village. :up:
That's why there are so many unmarried sisters. Greed!
Saudi Prince
22-01-08, 01:53 AM
How about a miswak, girls? ;)
How about a miswak, girls? ;)
ur not talking to just 'girls', ur talking to sisters, so dont use winky smiley :rolleyes: to show your joking a :) would have been sufficient
:rolleyes:
Saudi Prince
22-01-08, 02:00 AM
ur not talking to just 'girls', ur talking to sisters, so dont use winky smiley :rolleyes: to show your joking a :) would have been sufficient
:rolleyes:
Look if you ever use any smiley again then you're hypocrite. Practice what you preach and stop talking crap!
Suliman
22-01-08, 02:04 AM
...Practice what you preach and stop talking crap!
Woah there tiger! No need for that now.
-Shamil-
22-01-08, 02:16 AM
Woah there tiger! No need for that now.
you'll get used to him, his posts are often angry :rolleyes:
i think he's angry coz saudi women can drive AND stay in hotels now - its gonna be difficult for him to keep a companion now :(
Saudi Prince
22-01-08, 02:20 AM
you'll get used to him, his posts are often angry :rolleyes:
i think he's angry coz saudi women can drive AND stay in hotels now - its gonna be difficult for him to keep a companion now :(
silliest ever seen!
Metroid
22-01-08, 03:57 AM
If you wanna a nice, cheap, simple wedding. than marry a sister from back home village. :up:
This id not good for the community dude
Like our check told us and i think he is correct, "give priority to muslim sisters in the areas where you living".
Imagine if all brothers go marry outside, the sisters including the new converts will be left with no husband. :torture:
But the problem is that sisters in west usually think a Muslim bro want to marry them for the sake of getting a "passport" or "citizenship". This is an incorrect assumption 98% of times (2% is possible that the bro wanna marry not for the sake of Allah but passport and stuff)
Metroid
22-01-08, 04:15 AM
How about a miswak, girls?
WOW
From 1 S.R you now jump to a Miswak. I think you do not live up to your name as a "Saudi Prince":torture:
Look if you ever use any smiley again then you're hypocrite. Practice what you preach and stop talking crap![/COLO:argue:ah there tiger! No need for that now.
you'll get used to him, his posts are often angry :rolleyes:
i think he's angry coz saudi women can drive AND stay in hotels now - its gonna be difficult for him to keep a companion now :(
His posts are normal. Prince seems to be picking on Gucci specifiaclly and i noticed that:argue:
Don't know what going on between the two of them:(
That's why there are so many unmarried sisters. Greed!
:rubeyes: no its not. muslim women are not greedy. There are so many unmarried sisters because the prophet salAllahu alleyhi wa salam said that there will come a time when one man is responsible for 50 women.. and its already all messed up because of peoples cultural thinking. men dont want to take another wife, because their wives "wont let them" and the rest of them cant face being broke caring for more than one woman, they want nice cars, fat mortgages, and easy lives and the rest of them are going "back home" to get married and importing women.
The reverts havent got a hope because theyre the only ones who arent fussed about only marrying someone from their "own kind" so now the reverts also have to marry someone from "their own kind" because thats what most of the born muslims are doing, and so many have been taken for a ride by brothers wanting passports so someone from outside is not an option anymore, and trying to find someone from the reverts of "their own kind" is a mission. heck where i live no man has ever converted to islam, so i`ll be waiting a very long time, and its nothing at all to do with asking for a large mahr.
Would you take it if he gives you 5 pound only then?
oh yeah course. :D
Look if you ever use any smiley again then you're hypocrite. Practice what you preach and stop talking crap!
why? winking at girls from a brother has a totally different meaning
Islam's Warrior
22-01-08, 01:19 PM
I asked for £150 pounds and 1 Hajj
the haq mehr is only supposed to be the amount a woman needs to live on in her idhaa period so it is pointlesss asking for sooo much money
Le Croyant
22-01-08, 02:08 PM
:rubeyes: no its not. muslim women are not greedy. There are so many unmarried sisters because the prophet salAllahu alleyhi wa salam said that there will come a time when one man is responsible for 50 women.. and its already all messed up because of peoples cultural thinking. men dont want to take another wife, because their wives "wont let them" and the rest of them cant face being broke caring for more than one woman, they want nice cars, fat mortgages, and easy lives and the rest of them are going "back home" to get married and importing women.
The reverts havent got a hope because theyre the only ones who arent fussed about only marrying someone from their "own kind" so now the reverts also have to marry someone from "their own kind" because thats what most of the born muslims are doing, and so many have been taken for a ride by brothers wanting passports so someone from outside is not an option anymore, and trying to find someone from the reverts of "their own kind" is a mission. heck where i live no man has ever converted to islam, so i`ll be waiting a very long time, and its nothing at all to do with asking for a large mahr.
This mite true for UK.
In Saudi, middle class men (not talking abt the rich Saudis) can't afford to get married due to insane demands. They go out to other Arab states, India, Pakistan, Indonesia to get married as the women there r not so materialistic.
:salams:
I think many people from south Asia associate 'dowry' with what the bride gives rather then what the groom gives; unfortunately.
This is Usually from the Mushriks, :alhumdull we don't have to such things ...
but some people who have sold their brains for whatever reason want or demand stuff of the bride ... like T.V, Fridge etc ...
I've heard this disturbing thing going on among Asians ...
:jkk:
Does this man have anything to say other than arguing pointlessly?
SP when you use that Brain of yours and put forward a point worth listening to that will be a Miracle,
as for the statement I made, I stand by it, In Islam we do not Value People by Money, and your statement about some sister being worth 1 Saudi Riyal is wrong. :rubeyes:
Nowhere in the Quran or the Sunnah of Rasulullah :saw: does it say your Wife is Worth as much as your Mehr ... :smack:
also as to the accusation of arguing Pointlessly, I only argue when the Point is worth arguing about, you on the Other Hand come up with useless or pointless arguments, some of which is correct, but it contains falsehood as well.
also you have repeatedly been proven arrogant, you refuse to apologize even when your proven wrong.
:jkk:
Do you know other words than fitnah? Everything is fitnah for you!!
I gave the reason for a sister to NOT expose the amount of her Mehr ...
read again ...
Ukthi I don't why you would have to tell someone How much Mehr you got, we can discuss what amount we think is reasonable for such and such a person but to reveal how Much Mer was given to you or any Sister is unnecessary ...
It may cause fitna, even Jealousy and regret between those who think they got more and those who think they got less ...
In my opinion the sisters aught to abstain from exposing the amount of their Mehrs ...
:jkk:
If you can't comprehend basic English, kindly take a few English lessons and then come back with a sensible argument ...
otherwise only reply if you have understood what I said ...
regards.
salam
i also think sisters need to start asking for mahrs which are going to be beneficial to them.
i know of one sister who asked for a date. and another for a rose. another ones ask for an ironing board(what was she thinking?). and then another asked for a microwave.
i mean really. some men might take this as a message that their wives are only worth that little mahr. the sister who took a rose for her mahr.the husband started beating her.
so i think taking small silly mahrs like this can send a message to some men that they can treat you anyway you want
Peace be Upon those who seek guidance!
Ukthi, The Mehr is not a Value of a Sister. be it small or big.
Men who treat their Wives they way they feel like it (I am Assuming this is Un-Islamically) aught to be refrained from being married to in the First place.
a Man could very well give a Big Mehr, but turn out to be a Tyrant at the same time, the same thing could happen to the Woman who can also turn out to be a Person who refuses to follow the Quran and Sunnah etc ...
therefore the Wali's do their best to find out as much about the Character of the person before letting their Son/Daughter marry them.
:jkk:
Saudi Prince
22-01-08, 04:42 PM
why? winking at girls from a brother has a totally different meaning
Keep this rubbish away! If smileys mean a big th