What would you say?

[whatwouldudo]

I'm happy when people ask me questions about islam. But i don't like it when it when people do so yet it a mocking and quite frandly rude way.
Today one of my fellow students in college was asking me about stuff. So i was asked what would your parents say if you told them you were lesbian. I replied i didn't know and that obviously they wouldn't accept it as it's against islam. But i'm sure they'd still love me. Then she went on to say, "what if you told them you were licking so and so's - " I find this completely unacceptable. I just ignored it as i dont like to get angry and show that im being offendended or feel ashamed of myself and my religion. I just laughed and said jokedly "now i think your going to far". This isn't the first time it's happened. I've also had comments made about my parents and their private lives. This individual has made me feel upset may times. I don't even know if she realises what she's saying. Just odd comments here and there. Like in French we had a choice to pick one essay to do. I did one on the religious symbol banning. She asked me which one i did and when i replied she said "surprise surprise". I know it's pathetic but i get down by comment likes this. I feel indirectly bullied.
My point is. What do you do or would you do in situations like this?

[Here2help]

I'm happy when people ask me questions about islam. But i don't like it when it when people do so yet it a mocking and quite frandly rude way.
Today one of my fellow students in college was asking me about stuff. So i was asked what would your parents say if you told them you were lesbian. I replied i didn't know and that obviously they wouldn't accept it as it's against islam. But i'm sure they'd still love me. Then she went on to say, "what if you told them you were licking so and so's - " I find this completely unacceptable. I just ignored it as i dont like to get angry and show that im being offendended or feel ashamed of myself and my religion. I just laughed and said jokedly "now i think your going to far". This isn't the first time it's happened. I've also had comments made about my parents and their private lives. This individual has made me feel upset may times. I don't even know if she realises what she's saying. Just odd comments here and there. Like in French we had a choice to pick one essay to do. I did one on the religious symbol banning. She asked me which one i did and when i replied she said "surprise surprise". I know it's pathetic but i get down by comment likes this. I feel indirectly bullied.
My point is. What do you do or would you do in situations like this?

These students sound far too immature to be college students. This is the type of thing I expect eleven to 15 year olds to say. The best thing to do is ignore it and distance yourself from them.

[neelu]

If you don't like these comments being made then you shouldn't laugh back at her otherwise she'll assume that you're taking it in jest and that makes it okay. It's her way of making little digs at you because she doesn't like the fact that you're different and have different beliefs. People like that need to be put in their place. What I would do if someone were to pass a remark like "Surprise surprise:rolleyes:" I'd say quite firmly "Yeah, that's my choice, you got a problem with that!?!" cos' that would force her to go on the defensive and maybe pretend that you're making a big deal out of nothing but in fact it would give you the upper hand with her for once.

[Cashew]

I'm happy when people ask me questions about islam. But i don't like it when it when people do so yet it a mocking and quite frandly rude way.
Today one of my fellow students in college was asking me about stuff. So i was asked what would your parents say if you told them you were lesbian. I replied i didn't know and that obviously they wouldn't accept it as it's against islam. But i'm sure they'd still love me. Then she went on to say, "what if you told them you were licking so and so's - " I find this completely unacceptable. I just ignored it as i dont like to get angry and show that im being offendended or feel ashamed of myself and my religion. I just laughed and said jokedly "now i think your going to far". This isn't the first time it's happened. I've also had comments made about my parents and their private lives. This individual has made me feel upset may times. I don't even know if she realises what she's saying. Just odd comments here and there. Like in French we had a choice to pick one essay to do. I did one on the religious symbol banning. She asked me which one i did and when i replied she said "surprise surprise". I know it's pathetic but i get down by comment likes this. I feel indirectly bullied.
My point is. What do you do or would you do in situations like this?

Take it from a fat, old non-Muslim, my dear, you're dealing with a nut.

Not just an "unusual" person, but a crazy person.

A nut.

Unfortunately, you will likely meet many nuts in your life -- we all do -- so you might as well learn how to deal with them now.

Immediately begin to distance yourself from this person slowly and steadily.

Make no sudden moves.

Any sudden moves on your part will encourage her to become more hysterical and inappropriate.

Smile. Be polite but distant . Your goal is to cease any and all contact with this nut.

What you want to do is make yourself the most boring person in the world to this nut so that she'll become bored with you and move on to find other victims.

Do not confront her. She wants confrontation. She wants to see you angry. She wants to see you squirm.

Take small, careful steps. Keep calm.

If, however, she continues to pester you or make inappropriate remarks to you, you must speak to one of your teachers or school counselors.

[.: Anna :.]

I'm happy when people ask me questions about islam. But i don't like it when it when people do so yet it a mocking and quite frandly rude way.
Today one of my fellow students in college was asking me about stuff. So i was asked what would your parents say if you told them you were lesbian. I replied i didn't know and that obviously they wouldn't accept it as it's against islam. But i'm sure they'd still love me. Then she went on to say, "what if you told them you were licking so and so's - " I find this completely unacceptable. I just ignored it as i dont like to get angry and show that im being offendended or feel ashamed of myself and my religion. I just laughed and said jokedly "now i think your going to far". This isn't the first time it's happened. I've also had comments made about my parents and their private lives. This individual has made me feel upset may times. I don't even know if she realises what she's saying. Just odd comments here and there. Like in French we had a choice to pick one essay to do. I did one on the religious symbol banning. She asked me which one i did and when i replied she said "surprise surprise". I know it's pathetic but i get down by comment likes this. I feel indirectly bullied.
My point is. What do you do or would you do in situations like this?

sister i think you are totally right what she is asking you is not acceptable, this lesbian thing that is not the right way to ask whatsoever especially because she made it personal and really explicit and disgusting. if she wants to know she should ask in a neutral sense like can you explain me about islam's stance on homosexuality. it seems like a kind of bullying and harrasment which if you feel upset by it (Which is not suprising) you would be totally justified to go and talk to someone like your form tutor and complain. this person may need to be told that their manners here are really out of order, and given some kind of a warning, hopefully it would help. other suggestion is to avoid them, it doesn't sound like a nice person to keep as a friend especially when they talk so dirty and insult ur parents :love:

[Tranquillity]

I know you want to be polite and stay on good terms with this person and I admire your patience, but enough is enough. This person is being pathetic and deserves to be told so! Also sounds like they're a bit of a perve..

[ummbilal]

I'm happy when people ask me questions about islam. But i don't like it when it when people do so yet it a mocking and quite frandly rude way.
Today one of my fellow students in college was asking me about stuff. So i was asked what would your parents say if you told them you were lesbian. I replied i didn't know and that obviously they wouldn't accept it as it's against islam. But i'm sure they'd still love me. Then she went on to say, "what if you told them you were licking so and so's - " I find this completely unacceptable. I just ignored it as i dont like to get angry and show that im being offendended or feel ashamed of myself and my religion. I just laughed and said jokedly "now i think your going to far". This isn't the first time it's happened. I've also had comments made about my parents and their private lives. This individual has made me feel upset may times. I don't even know if she realises what she's saying. Just odd comments here and there. Like in French we had a choice to pick one essay to do. I did one on the religious symbol banning. She asked me which one i did and when i replied she said "surprise surprise". I know it's pathetic but i get down by comment likes this. I feel indirectly bullied.
My point is. What do you do or would you do in situations like this?

This person finds it fun to put you downa nd mock your religion, she is not your friend i would distence myself from her, and tell her i dont have time for small minded imature people, but u did ask what i would do!

[whatwouldudo]

[B]Do not confront her. She wants confrontation. She wants to see you angry. She wants to see you squirm.[B]




Jezzek allah khairun / Thank you everyone!

Yes i agree with this Chashew. She is the kind of person who wants you to react so that she can go "oooooooo someones getting touchy" etc etc. You know what i mean. That kind of childish response.

I don't actually think the reason she asks me questions in this rude way is because shes curious, let alone interested in Islam. It's quite obvious she's mocking me & you guys have helped me see that. She's made it quite clear on her views..she finds ramadan "stupid" and that because i intend to remain a virgin untill i get married shes commented "it's the 21st century!".

Problem is whenever she wants something, like if she's missed a lesson and needs the work she comes to me. Once she took my booklet that i needed to revise for an exam from and didn't give it back for a week..

I'll stop complaining now :)

[Umm_Hanzalah]

Don't feel like you have to be nice to people like that. Tell em to get lost, and not try to impose their own dirty fantasies and stupid beliefs on others.

[Cashew]

...Problem is whenever she wants something, like if she's missed a lesson and needs the work she comes to me. Once she took my booklet that i needed to revise for an exam from and didn't give it back for a week...

Of course she comes to you when she needs something.

She wants to maintain a relationship with you so that she can continue to humiliate you.

You're this sweet, earnest little muslimah, raised properly with good adab and sabr.

She wouldn't try to humiliate some chavette with dirty sex-talk because the chavette would either smack her senseless or just laugh at her and talk even dirtier.

There is something deeply wrong with this young woman.

You must consider her your enemy while at the same time taking care to act wisely.

Make yourself the most boring person in the world to her.

For example, keep a Qu'ran with you at all times and when you think she's likely to approach you, start reading it intently.

If she tries to initiate conversation with you, simply start talking in a calm, rational way about whatever you've been reading in the Qu'ran. If she tries to change the conversation, immediately lead it back to what you were reading in the Qu'ran.

When she sees that you're no longer available to "play" with her, or, in other words, react to her unwholesome mind games, she'll lose interest.

Also, if she persists with the dirty talk and religious insults, you must speak to a teacher or school counselor.

[dhakiyya]

I agree with Cashew.

I've known people like her before. Their self esteem is based on making other people feel bad, and on how much attention they can get. Or preferably both. They don't see freindship as a two way thing - they take what they want and never give. People like that are poison. Cashew's advice on how to deal with them is excellent.

Don't feel that you owe her anything. She wouldn't help you if you needed help, so just slowly slowly distance yourself from her in the most unconfrontational way possible.

If she asks you for something, have an excuse - oh sorry, I don't have it, I promised I'd lend it to (my sister/ name of someone she can't check up with) - I need it for my assignment (and start heading for the library or somewhere boring)

[Aynpackr]

Last semester, I was taking a biology course with another guy, and he became so annoying, I eventually decided to move away from the table he sat at, and moved to another one. He could repeatedly make sarcastic, and directly offensive comments. I only stayed at that table he sat at because of the other people there (keep in mind that there about four or five people at one table).

It then occurred to me that I had been putting up with this kind of nonsense since High School. I told myself I would not tolerate it as I had been doing in High School, and the fact that I tolerated some type of abuse from other students made my High School time very difficult. As a matter of fact, it only made my memories of High School worse.

I decided to move to another table. I met two funny and nice people, and I never had to deal with that particular guy again. Yes, we were still in the same class, but he never talked to me, and I never talked to him. It was strange that I moved to another table in the middle of the semester, and never uttered another word to him, but it made my time in that class much easier.

You can put up with this girl, and continue to feel the way you do, or you can make a choice NOW, and change things. Be proactive. Do not be like the High School me. Change direction. Stop hanging out with her. Stop talking with her. STOP IT. If you want to end communication with her in a subtle way, do so. Begin by no longer greeting her when you bump into her. Pretend you have something else going on. Whatever you do, for your own good, put an end to it.