Fostering - how easy?

[Noor_Usman]

Asalamalikum.

I've been reading about the life of our Prophet (s.a.w) the last two days :inlove: and I decided to pop the question to my husband (obviously not THAT question as we're already married :rolleyes: lol)

Years before I was a revert I wanted to adopt a child. It was a mixture of being scared of being pregnant and wanting to do some good because I knew there were thousands of unwanted and orphaned children in the world :(
Well now alhamdillah I am Muslim and I've decided I definitely DO want to have my own children...but when I read things like this it brings back all those strong feelings of wanting to adopt :inlove:

So I asked him his view on the situation and he said if Allah intended it for us and blessed us then he'd have no problems :inlove:

This is not something people should rush into and certainly it will take us at least another 2 years until my husband gets indefinate leave....but I really want to know how hard is it these days? :confused:

What sort of things do they look for in particular? Stability obviously but do you have to own house or can you rent as long as you have a good income and some savings?
Do the Muslim agencies have some means of giving you the right to raise the child and be the legal guardian indefinately without you having to formally adopt? (Since Islamically we can only foster)

Really I've just heard horror stories about the nightmare of trying to adopt/foster so I wondered if you had experience, maybe worked in this or had friends/family who'd done it? :confused:

They were advertising on the backs of Bus's over here last year saying so many Muslim children were stuck in homes :(
At least if I know what to expect I can try and get things ready so inshallah in a few years we could get one :inlove:

Any and all comments appreciated :up:

[(*_Hamzah]

May Allah swt reward you for your sincerity , I know that in the UK if you adopt you are entitled to an allowance from the government

[carol_au]

Salaam alaikum sister and others who might be interested in fostering

I am part of the Mercy Mission Dar Aasya team. Although this is Australian information I know that it is similar world wide.

It is relatively easy to foster a child. If you and your husband both agree to do it, you need to approach a foster care agency who will interview you, arrange a criminal history check on both of you and any adults living in the house over the age of 18 (including children over the age of 18), and generally assess your suitabliity to foster.

If you are over 18, single or married and keen to foster, as long as there are no other issues, it's relatively simple to be accepted as a foster carer. You can choose the age, sex, religion and cultural background of the child so it is able to easily integrate into your family. The government does provide a small allowance to assist in the day to day car of the child. (you can also have a number of children from the same family if you desire).

The child/children may be on long term orders with little chance of family reunification, or short term orders because maybe their family has sickness or financial problems.

Family breakdown is not always the cause of a child needing foster care. However, the fact the child is not living at home, may have suffered abuse and may not have good parenting, means that the child may also have many behaviour and emotional problems they will need you to work through with them.

Child Protection organise regular meetings with you , the foster agency case manager, sometimes the natural parents and other people involved in the care of the child, to ensure everyone is able to work together to help with the child's needs and behaviour issues if any.

The day to day care of the child is your responsibility as foster parent, but the big decisions (such as signing consents for surgery) are the responsibility of the child's Child Protection Officer or his/her natural parents. So basically, you can run your household as you want to, and raise the child as if it was your own, and have the same expectations on them as you have on your own children. There are discipline guidelines, but these are limited to appropriate forms of discipline, again to safe guard the child from more harm. (some children have been victims of physical abuse.. so discipline must be carefully given so not to seem like ongoing abuse for example)

It is a huge thing to accept a child into your home who is not your own, but who needs you to provide for them. We know the blessings and rewards for those families who can do this are huge both in this life, and as the Prohet said (pbuh) in the hereafter.

You don't need to make a commitment to foster. You can attend an information night and find out all about it.. infact you must do this before they consider accepting your application.


I can't stress enough that all over the world, the need for Muslim families to care for Muslim children is huge. Many children are being raised in non Muslim homes, and most of these homes are ignorant of the basic needs for these children Islamically. Child protection laws call for a child to be raised in a religious or cultural setting most like their natural home, so if Muslim families make themselves available, they will much sought after to take a child asap.

f anyone lives in Melbourne, contact Mercy Mission as there is one being organised for late February, early March especially for Muslim families wanting to foster children.

If you live elsewhere in the world, you can contact me by pm and I can help put you in touch with other agencies, particularly in England who are are doing similar programs to Mercy Mission.

Anyone can approach Child Protection offices in their town and ask for a list of agencies that organise foster parents recruitment and training and you will find you are helped and supported in the process even though these are non muslim agencies.


More information here if you want a mailing address for the Dar Aasya project if you live in Australia

http://ummah.com/forum/showpost.php?p=2343598&postcount=2

[Noor_Usman]

Asalamalikum.

Thank you so much for that post sister. I have also had a look on www.adoption.org.uk and it seems much simplier than I expected :)

I'm a bit confused about the single parent aspect though...as I though low income would have you refused :scratch: but apparently not.

Just had a more in depth discussion with the hubby :up: he's on a spouse visa and doesn't get indefinate leave until April '09 so he's said there is a VERY good chance but not to ask again until then. Basically I'm sponsoring his visa so I can't be out of work with a child or it wont go through next year for him :(

Mashallah this is like the best news I've had for YEARS but waiting another 15 months...whilst it gives us plenty of time to reflect it just seems SOOOO far away :shock:

At least doing it this way we can give the child all our attention and support before we go on to have kids of our own inshallah :D

[Cristiana]

JazakAllah khayr sis Carol for the info :up:

I've always had a very strong feeling towards adoption (or fostering now that I am muslim), I cannot imagine something more important and selfless than welcoming a child in your family and raise him with your own biological children. Insha'Allah I intend to do it too.

You know, in some muslim country (I heard stories from Libya, Algeria and Saudi Arabia), a couple with too many children would leave the baby at the hospital when he's born and pretty much any couple can just "pick him/her" (although obviously the child and everybody will know who his natural parents are etc.). That sounds really easy burocracy-wise!

I heard from a sister I know who was thinking of fostering, that in UK there's lots of children from ethnic/religious minorities in need of foster families...but I don't know whether she went ahead with it...

May Allah make it easy for you Noor and for your husband and reward you immensely:inlove:

[Noor_Usman]

Thank you Sister :inlove: and may you get the blessing of one as well if you decide to try :up:

It seems so far away but inshallah we'll put applications in just before his visa clears and get the ball rolling.

If you or any other sisters go for it next year let me know as I'm sure we can support each other :inlove::up:

[EDIT] by the way Sis Christina, if I remember correctly you are in Manchester? I'm not that far away *wink* Up north too lol

[Te'oma]

Being a foster parent is both very challenging as well as being rewarding. You have to be prepared for the worst because many children coming through the system are very damaged psychologically. It takes a lot of patience and compassion and at times, a very firm hand but you have to remember that the child is more important then their problems

[carol_au]

Asalamalikum.

Thank you so much for that post sister. I have also had a look on www.adoption.org.uk (http://www.adoption.org.uk) and it seems much simplier than I expected :)

I'm a bit confused about the single parent aspect though...as I though low income would have you refused :scratch: but apparently not.

Just had a more in depth discussion with the hubby :up: he's on a spouse visa and doesn't get indefinate leave until April '09 so he's said there is a VERY good chance but not to ask again until then. Basically I'm sponsoring his visa so I can't be out of work with a child or it wont go through next year for him :(

Mashallah this is like the best news I've had for YEARS but waiting another 15 months...whilst it gives us plenty of time to reflect it just seems SOOOO far away :shock:

At least doing it this way we can give the child all our attention and support before we go on to have kids of our own inshallah :D

Sis the process can take a few months to do the checks, training etc. My suggestion is that you and your husband approach foster care agency and register your interest.

The agency can begin assessing you, interviewing you and even train you. You can then nominate an availability time for a child.. so you can tell them you are not in a position to foster a child until say the end of 2009. They won't mind as you have already gone through the "legal" requirements for fostering.

There is an English organisation called http://www.muslimfostering.co.uk/

I am sure they can advise you with any information or help you might need insha'Allah ..

[`asiya]

Being a foster parent is both very challenging as well as being rewarding. You have to be prepared for the worst because many children coming through the system are very damaged psychologically. It takes a lot of patience and compassion and at times, a very firm hand but you have to remember that the child is more important then their problems

so true or they have been taken out of terrible situations at home, they need a lot of love and understanding and time to find themselves again in my experience, i fostered two boys, and it sometimes meant having a lot more patience than perhaps u would have with your own children, because u cant have the same expectations of behaviour etc. from a kid from a broken down family, or one thats been abused, or neglected because they often dont know what normal behaviour is.

Things like knowing they should shower everyday and keep themselves clean and to wear clean clothes,polish their shoes do their homework and even attend school everyday, have to be re-learnt, they sometimes dont know how to look after themselves and their things, and if the child is older they can be disturbed from their experiences and need a little space and not someone who is always on their case. I found u have to take it a lot more slowly and no barking out rules, its the last thing they need, boundaries yes, but if they have been through care homes, which are often run like prison camps and they are not treating the children with the respect they deserve as people.

I think most of all just treat them like one of the family, and whatever ur own kids get, they get exactly the same.Time wise, spending wise, clothes etc. alhamdulillah even if its for a short time like a few years u can see a broken down child flourish into a healthy, light hearted and well behaved young adult insha Allah ta ala.

[carol_au]

sisters.. a better link for you insha'Allah


http://www.islamicfostering.co.uk/

[ummbilal]

May Allah swt reward you for your sincerity , I know that in the UK if you adopt you are entitled to an allowance from the government


this is incorrect, if you FOSTER u get financial help, not if you adopt, i would sincerly recommend starting with fostering , inshaallah with the sole intention of giving a child and islamic home for a time, i know many sisters and non muslims who foster or have adopted and i would say it all begins with fostering inshaallah you will have the ability to give these children love and understanding when some have had none. xxx

[Noor_Usman]

Asalamalikum.

Rather than start a new topic I thought I'd carry on in this old one :up:

Well, I'm still really hyped up and my hubby seems to be counting down already as well lol :o :rolleyes: I think we've decided to apply in about 12 months (-so a bit sooner than previously thought) as I rang up one agency earlier this week just for details and they advise that the screening and government tests etc take 6-9months :rubeyes: Which is fair play because they have so much to check but even if inshallah it only takes 6 months then you still have to wait to be matched up :rolleyes: They also advise that only one of you needs to have residency so we can apply this time next year and make a note on the form that hubby will also have indefinate leave by the time the application has gone through (inshallah) :)

I've checked all the details they want and inshallah and mashallah it looks like we can easily offer everything they physically want and just pray we can offer what they want personality wise as well :inlove:

It's just a case of setting ourselves up over the next year. We have decided the current land lord is no good for supporting a family as he's too unpredictable and NEVER fixes anything :( so we are looking at moving into a 2 bed property on the other side of town. The good news is there are meant to be lots of asain families down there (we're in a mainly white area with lots of teen kids walking the streets) and it is also closer to town :up: We'll be sacrificing a bedroom but inshallah gaining some stability with the land lord situation and rent will also be slightly less. Until the in laws finally come to UK in the next few years it will be fine to start a small family :) We are going and looking at it next week I think before he does some redecorating.

I have also decided that since I have limited experience with children, I should do some kind of prepping up - which inshallah will also help kill a few months out of this 12month wait :D I'm doing a beginers open university course in "understanding children" so that it fits in perfectly with my full time job.

I was just wondering what else I could do really without going over the top? We're going to apply for 0-5yrs age range. I have lived with my best friend early last year and helped raise her baby from 1-6months of age but the only other experience I have is just babysitting and being a 'spare adult' when taking a small group of under 5's to wacky warehouses :zzz: or when I visit this best friend about once a month like yesterday when we celebrated her daughters 1st birthday alhamdillah :)

It's such a big age range though how do you possible try and prepair yourself? It's not that I don't think I'll hack being a mum :rolleyes: I just want to prove to these people beyond any doubt that I'm serious and mature/reliable :o

They brought up the fact that sometimes you get siblings who are only hard to home because no one has space. Do you people think 2 children would be too many for a first time mum? Especially given that we're going to have to bond :confused: My heart says I should leave the option open when we apply and leave it up to Allah T'alla but I will need my husband to agree first obviously. I suppose it will be harder than coping with naturally having 2 children at once like having twins...??? :scratch:
Unless they've changed the rules though I was under the impression if you had a big enough bedroom (like a double) then you could keep 2 children in it until the age of 10yrs old? And then if they were different genders you'd have to split them. It may be that an agency would rather have 2 rooms in which case we wouldn't be able to anyway.

Anyway I'm REALLY excited as you can tell and so I'm sorry for the long post ;)

[ummbilal]

sister start with one child and go from there inshaallah.

[Unique Muslimah]

From what I know,screening takes upto a year and I know of cases whereby it has been more.Just a tip,mention anything about breastfeeding the child,social services seem to get uppity and it causes somewhat an upheaval and I have known cases whereby it has even delayed the approval.
Hope it goes well for anyone who's planning on doing it,fostering is one of the most amazing things to do:inlove:...It's a shame so little people take an interest

[`asiya]

From what I know,screening takes upto a year and I know of cases whereby it has been more.Just a tip,mention anything about breastfeeding the child,social services seem to get uppity and it causes somewhat an upheaval and I have known cases whereby it has even delayed the approval.
Hope it goes well for anyone who's planning on doing it,fostering is one of the most amazing things to do:inlove:...It's a shame so little people take an interest

The reason why they dont allow other women to breastfeed is because of diseases like H.I.V that have a chance of being passed through the womans milk to a child, plus its not something thats done in western society, and anyway u would have to already have a baby to be able to breastfeed another. masha Allah on your enquiries and insha Allah all goes well. just one thing to remember sis noor, is that sometimes the child may only stay for a short time with u, foster carers are there to give a home to a child who needs it until their familly circumstances improve and if the home enviroment improoves then the child will be returned to their family, so u shouldnt get too attached to the child or think of it as a long term arrangement its just taking care of a child who is in need of a home for now, sometimes they stay a few weeks, sometimes a few years it all depends on the individual circumstances, but even to be able to give a child a loving and stable enviroment for a short period will be such a benefit to them insha Allah ta ala :)

[WahYaLookin'At?]

Ohh I want to adopt an orphan inshaAllah, All the best sister,

Honestly go for it, May Allah (subhana wa ta'ala) reward you for your efforts, Ameen (Say Ameen),

AsalamuAlaykum Warahmatullahi Wabaratuh.

[ummbilal]

The reason why they dont allow other women to breastfeed is because of diseases like H.I.V that have a chance of being passed through the womans milk to a child, plus its not something thats done in western society, and anyway u would have to already have a baby to be able to breastfeed another. lah ta ala :)

sister you do not have to have had a baby to breastfeed, any woman can breastfeed, you use a breast pump every 2 hours for 3 days(and nights!) and inshaallah the milk comes in, Allah has made our bodies wonderfully mashallah!

fostering can be anything from one night to the rest of the childs childhood until 18, its very good practise for adoption and its easier to adopt a child you have been fostering long term, like Asiya said be prepared for the child to go back to its parents as this often happens with fostered children.

[`asiya]

sister you do not have to have had a baby to breastfeed, any woman can breastfeed, you use a breast pump every 2 hours for 3 days(and nights!) and inshaallah the milk comes in, Allah has made our bodies wonderfully mashallah!

oh ok subhanAllah i didnt know that ukhti, but some women after they have a baby of their own, loose all their breast milk after a few weeks, and there is nothing there for baby to feed on how does that happen if a woman who has had no child at all can produce milk ?

[Noor_Usman]

Asalamalikum.

I think the sister is trying to say that if you use a breast pump for a while even when you haven't had a baby recently, then it stimulates your body into producing milk so that the 'baby' can suckle.
If so this is truely marvelous :rubeyes:

[`asiya]

Asalamalikum.

I think the sister is trying to say that if you use a breast pump for a while even when you haven't had a baby recently, then it stimulates your body into producing milk so that the 'baby' can suckle.
If so this is truely marvelous :rubeyes:

sah it is amazing i was asking though, why some mothers who just gave birth to their own children dont have any milk for their babies after a few weeks and have to switch to formula milk, i know of a few women that this has happened to, would be good to know if there is a way to bring their milk back because its quite distressing not being able to feed your own baby.

[dhakiyya]

oh ok subhanAllah i didnt know that ukhti, but some women after they have a baby of their own, loose all their breast milk after a few weeks, and there is nothing there for baby to feed on how does that happen if a woman who has had no child at all can produce milk ?

if a woman really loses all her milk after just a few weeks of breastfeeding, there is something medical going on..... maybe she's dehydrated or not eating enough. rarely some women never produce enough milk to feed a baby, even more rarely some produce no milk at all, but this is a medical problem, same as infertility is for examlpe.

If a woman's milk dries up after a short time breastfeeding inshaAllah she should make sure she drinks enough liquid, gets enough healthy food (she should eat lots of fruit and meat and take vitamin and mineral supplements inshaAllah) try to get as much help as possible around the house, try to rest as much as possible and keep on letting baby suckle and also express milk like umm bilal said inshaAllah. Even if her milk dried up completely for a short time inshaAllah she can get her supply back again.

Unfortunately though, unless health visitors and midwives are properly trained about breastfeeding (or very experienced at breastfeeding themselves) they don't know this and usually tell mothers to give formula when they have supply problems, which will actually make the supply problems worse, not better. If a mother suspects that she is one of the very small number of women who can't even produce enough milk - first of all if thats the case the baby would have failed to put on weight and actually lost a lot of weight (though its normal for a baby to lose weight in the first week even when the mother is producing enough milk, then put it back on again) - and also she should try expressing one breast whilst feeding the other, and making sure she's adequately fed, hydrated and rested - if then baby is not gaining weight then she should give formula.

Too many health visitors/midwives give women wrong advice - its very common for breastfeeding mothers to think their milk supply has dried up or is low because baby wants to feed all the time or won't sleep or something... but its very rarely the case that lack of milk is the problem. Usually its some other thing or the baby is just doing extra suckling to make the supply increase or for comfort or whatever. If the baby is putting on weight, there isn't a supply problem. But if a mother who thinks she has supply problems, or whose baby is having a growth spurt and is trying to increase her supply, if she gives the baby formula, this can actually create a supply problem.

Manufacturers of formula milk exploit this of course.

[ummbilal]

good post sister dhakiyya, you said it basically, if a mothers milk dries after a few weeks then either she isnt well, not eating and resting or she has mixed breast and bottle feeding, to produce enough milk the baby has to be fed on breast every time its hungry in the first few days thats ever 2 hours or so subhannallah!

I know of sisters who have breastfed an adopted child after using a breast pump, albeit a few drops here and there as they couldnt use the pump as often as they liked, inshaallah women whos milk dries can rekindle it with good health, good food and happiness, an unhappy woman cannot feed, the milk simply wont come.

[`asiya]

good post sister dhakiyya, you said it basically, if a mothers milk dries after a few weeks then either she isnt well, not eating and resting or she has mixed breast and bottle feeding, to produce enough milk the baby has to be fed on breast every time its hungry in the first few days thats ever 2 hours or so subhannallah!

I know of sisters who have breastfed an adopted child after using a breast pump, albeit a few drops here and there as they couldnt use the pump as often as they liked, inshaallah women whos milk dries can rekindle it with good health, good food and happiness, an unhappy woman cannot feed, the milk simply wont come.

sah :jkk: i understand that, but if a woman who has never had a child can make the milk come through with a breast pump then how can these women whoose milk dried up make their milk come again ? would a breast pump work for them ? would be good to know because quite a few women i know ended up with no milk for their babies after a few weeks and were told to switch to formula milk by the midwives.

[ummbilal]

they need to eat well and drink and use the breast pump, they need to rest a lot and take care of themselves to prevent it happening again, they should also consult a la leche league breastfeeding expert,

http://www.llli.org/

too many midwives and health visitors are quick to say use the formula, have u read whats in that stuff subhannallah!

I think the herb fennugrek is good for stimulating milk supply as well, you can get it as a tea but its probably better as a tablet and in food if the milk is seriously low,

please excuse my awful spelling.

[Unique Muslimah]

The reason why they dont allow other women to breastfeed is because of diseases like H.I.V that have a chance of being passed through the womans milk to a child, plus its not something thats done in western society, and anyway u would have to already have a baby to be able to breastfeed another. masha Allah on your enquiries and insha Allah all goes well. just one thing to remember sis noor, is that sometimes the child may only stay for a short time with u, foster carers are there to give a home to a child who needs it until their familly circumstances improve and if the home enviroment improoves then the child will be returned to their family, so u shouldnt get too attached to the child or think of it as a long term arrangement its just taking care of a child who is in need of a home for now, sometimes they stay a few weeks, sometimes a few years it all depends on the individual circumstances, but even to be able to give a child a loving and stable enviroment for a short period will be such a benefit to them insha Allah ta ala :)

Sis,it was nothing to do with HIV..They had to bring Muslim Figures to the panel to have to explain to them the Islamic validity to them,not just one but two or three.No HIV checks were done at all.

[ummbilal]

they can be funny about breastfeeding so just dont mention it.

[`asiya]

Sis,it was nothing to do with HIV..They had to bring Muslim Figures to the panel to have to explain to them the Islamic validity to them,not just one but two or three.No HIV checks were done at all.

wow, thats a bit shocking, surely H.I.V should be a consideration too in these times, one shaikh was saying that in u.a.e and some other muslim countries it is now not permissible for people to marry until they have had H.I.V tests and certificates to proove they are H.I.V negative first, he said this is standard, amazing how the non muslims dont check things like that too when it comes to innocent children.

[dhakiyya]

they need to eat well and drink and use the breast pump, they need to rest a lot and take care of themselves to prevent it happening again, they should also consult a la leche league breastfeeding expert,

http://www.llli.org/

too many midwives and health visitors are quick to say use the formula, have u read whats in that stuff subhannallah!

I think the herb fennugrek is good for stimulating milk supply as well, you can get it as a tea but its probably better as a tablet and in food if the milk is seriously low,

please excuse my awful spelling.

I heard fenugreek is good mashaAllah. Its in many curry paste/ curry powders - and you can add it when you make your own curry recipes, goes well in curry mashaAllah. I think a lot of lebanese recipes use it too. When I was exclusively breastfeeding Ruqayya I used to bung a load of fenugreek into most recipes. My husband didn't notice any difference lol. But yeah you can get it as tea and as tablets inshaAllah.

[Unique Muslimah]

they can be funny about breastfeeding so just dont mention it.

:up:
Which is what I said..

[ummbilal]

Allhumdulilah!!

[`asiya]

they need to eat well and drink and use the breast pump, they need to rest a lot and take care of themselves to prevent it happening again, they should also consult a la leche league breastfeeding expert,

http://www.llli.org/

too many midwives and health visitors are quick to say use the formula, have u read whats in that stuff subhannallah!

I think the herb fenugreek is good for stimulating milk supply as well, you can get it as a tea but its probably better as a tablet and in food if the milk is seriously low

:jkk: ukhti its good to know about because its really distressing to the mum when she cant feed her baby and yes formula milk is horriblestuff, makes babies puke big lumps all the time, u can get an organic animal free one, as the s.m.a used to have animal fat in it audu billah ( i dont know if it still does) in fact im wondering now if that stuff is even halal for babies.

[dhakiyya]

sah :jkk: i understand that, but if a woman who has never had a child can make the milk come through with a breast pump then how can these women whoose milk dried up make their milk come again ? would a breast pump work for them ? would be good to know because quite a few women i know ended up with no milk for their babies after a few weeks and were told to switch to formula milk by the midwives.


tell them to ask to speak to a health visitor who is trained in breastfeeding. This is exactly the wrong adivce, to just give formula! yeah, basically what umm bilal said....

breast milk works on supply and demand ... the more baby suckles the more milk is made. Using a breast pump has the same effect (i.e. increasing supply) - if a woman is having difficulty making enough milk, she can feed from one breast then express from the other inshaAllah. She also needs to ensure she's getting enough food, water and rest inshaAllah, just like umm bilal said mashaAllah. And to let baby suckle as much as possible inshaAllah.

Giving formula makes the problem worse because baby isn't hungry, so baby doesn't suckle, therefore the milk supply goes down, not up.

[Noor_Usman]

:up:
Which is what I said..
Having said that though,we got a baby within 12 months of application for 'adoption'
Alhamdulillah..

Mashallah :)
Is this 12 months after you were approved or did the whole process only take 12 months? :)

[dhakiyya]

:jkk: ukhti its good to know about because its really distressing to the mum when she cant feed her baby and yes formula milk is horriblestuff, makes babies puke big lumps all the time, u can get an organic animal free one, as the s.m.a used to have animal fat in it audu billah ( i dont know if it still does) in fact im wondering now if that stuff is even halal for babies.

ewwwwwwww! I avoided formula milk like the plague cause both me and my brother had severe allergic reactions to it when we were small (given it without our mum's permission in hospital - standard practice in the 1970's!!) ......... so if anyone had come near Ruqayya with the stuff..... !!!!!!!!

yeah mashaAllah the vast vast vast majority of breast feeding problems can be sorted inshaAllah with the right advice, the only time a mother can't breastfeed is if she has HIV (then baby would be on formula from day one anyway) or if she is on essential medication that could get into breast milk and harm baby (again baby would be on formula from day one) - or very rarely if she actually isn't making enough milk herself, in which case baby would lose weight and keep on losing weight, even then there are many things she can try, like expressing every couple of hours to see if it makes her milk come in or increase, before giving formula. And this is actually really rare anyway. And she can keep trying to express every couple hours for a while with the baby on formula, to see if the milk comes in at all inshaAllah.

[Unique Muslimah]

.........

[Noor_Usman]

Inshallah we will be as lucky. Now we've decided this is to be the next step in our lives and can see no reason (obviously Allah may have reasons we'll never know about :rolleyes: ) why we should be refused, we are eager to have the whole thing done by the end of next year inshallah :hidban:

[ummbilal]

ewwwwwwww! I avoided formula milk like the plague cause both me and my brother had severe allergic reactions to it when we were small (given it without our mum's permission in hospital - standard practice in the 1970's!!) ......... so if anyone had come near Ruqayya with the stuff..... !!!!!!!!

yeah mashaAllah the vast vast vast majority of breast feeding problems can be sorted inshaAllah with the right advice, the only time a mother can't breastfeed is if she has HIV (then baby would be on formula from day one anyway) or if she is on essential medication that could get into breast milk and harm baby (again baby would be on formula from day one) - or very rarely if she actually isn't making enough milk herself, in which case baby would lose weight and keep on losing weight, even then there are many things she can try, like expressing every couple of hours to see if it makes her milk come in or increase, before giving formula. And this is actually really rare anyway. And she can keep trying to express every couple hours for a while with the baby on formula, to see if the milk comes in at all inshaAllah.

My youngest had serious dairy alleries too, i totally breastfed, until at 4 months i gave him a spoon of egg custard...:smack: poor lil man had a very bad reaction to it, subhannallah.

[Syrian714]

Masha'Allah you are doing this sister Noor, insha'Allah it will be such a rewarding experience for you and your husband as long as you are prepared for what to expect, and from what I've read of your posts you obviously seem to have done your studying. :up:

A neighbor who I know quite well adopted a baby a few months ago (I know it's haram to actually adopt but she is not Muslim) and I had the unique experience of getting to be there from day 1 when she brought him home since she had already hired me in advance to be his babysitter. I just remember thinking he was so cute masha'Allah! :inlove: I wasn't even the one who adopted him, yet I've been babysitting him for 9 months now and I love him as my own child (well, I haven't yet had my own child but I'd imagine the love would be just as deep). If I could, I would foster all of the Muslim orphans in Iraq, Palestine, Sudan and elsewhere who have lost all their family. May Allah bless you and your husband for what you are doing, Noor.

[Noor_Usman]

Aww bless you and thanks sister :inlove: