Anyone worried about how they're gonna raise their children to be pious?

[Irfan GBH]

Salaams everyone

I've been thinking about how messed up this society is getting and how this will make it difficult to raise children in the west. Children these days are being exposed to sex, drugs and unislamic ideals at younger and younger ages.

I see teenagers dressed like homosexuals all the time now, not sure if it's fashion or if they're just all gay but either way it's disturbing :S More teenagers seem to be involved in drugs and sexual activity etc than ever before. Islam is being protrayed in such a way that Muslim children will feel more alienated from other children than we ever did and this can lead to children giving in to peer pressure and trying to become like their kaffir "friends". How will we keep our children away from all that?

To add to that there's alot of "muslim" organisation and "imaams" who preach a twisted version of Islam to appease the kuffaar and spread their corrupt ideas and those who don't succumb to the kuffaar's wishes are treated like terrorists, the way it's going it makes you wonder if eventually the kuffaar are gonna start locking up anyone who doesn't "compromise" and "integrate".

Unfortunatly we can't spend every moment with our future children, they'll need to go to madressah and school and play with other children. Even if we don't have a TV children will be exposed to the messed up society around us. So how do we protect them from bad influences? Ofcourse it's easier if there's alot of religious muslim families around, but that isn't always the case, and sometimes a non-religious Muslim can be a worse influence then a kaffir.

So what you guys think? Any ideas on how to keep our children on the straight path while living in the west? Or do you plan to emmigrate? Moving away to a majority Muslim country is an option, yes, but that isn't as easy to do is it? Even pracising Muslims in so called "Muslim" countries have a hard time with western culture brainwashing people in the sub-continent you have people dreaming of a fantasy world they see on Bollywood films, they insult practising Muslims and openly drink and gamble and talk about various sins, and like I said, a bad muslim can be worse than a kaffir.

Then you got "traditional" Muslims (for lack of a better word) who have various non-islamic practices which they think are part of Islam and they constantly try to mislead you down their path. Not to mention the poverty and lack of suitable jobs, yes, insha'allah Allah :swt: provides for us, but it still requires a huge leap to take that first step to begin a journey for the sake of Allah :swt: Lets remember that making such a journey bears huge rewards though :)

So what do you all think bros n sis'? How do you plan on keeping the next generation of Muslims safe and on the right path? As for myself i'm undecided, but I know that Allah, the most Merciful, will open a way for us, if we're sincere and Allah fearing.

[Medievalist]

I agree with your concerns bro. Im worried about it myself actually. Im thinking about what to do. I dont really want my kids to grow up here so thinking of either moving back home or summat.

[K h a l i l]

I'm nowhere near having children, but one day Inshallah.

However I understand your concerns; I have a younger brother and the society is something he needs to be protected from. When he comes home from school and tells me about his day, there are many things that need correcting for him in his innocent, naive mind.

The words he says, the actions he makes; it is what he picks up from school, and unfortunately his school is a public one. The rest of us (my brothers and sisters) were raised in private Islamic schools, schools which are now no different to their free public alternative.

It is also difficult to teach him about Islam properly as we were taught, none of us have much time to spare, our priorities have been rearranged since my own birth definitely; the first thing was to make sure I had a good upbringing, no matter what the cost, now, it seems the upbringing is based on how cheap the package comes.

If only there was a land of peace and harmony, where muslims could be raised to worship Allah, rather than be raised to worship money...
Ofcourse this isn't going to happen until the ummah changes, radically.

Allah doesn't change the state of the Muslims, until they change the state of themselves, and that is what we must try and achieve.

[Phoenix CG]

my kids are gonna be evil :lol:

oh man if they are anything like me...

[Medievalist]

The thing is that unfortunately even the Islamis schools here are not as good as they could be due to the influence of outside. Alhamdulillah I've got friends who have studied or are studying in places like dbury, bury, kidminsta, lesta etc. Some of them are top and ALL RESPECT to the Ulama and Asaatizah there but you cant control the society around the jamia can you and its not surprising that the UK madaaris are not as strict as the desi ones. Ive got a friend who's studying at Korangi madrassah in karachi and he also studied here in kidminsta and he says there's a heaven/earth difference between the two. Thats not to say theres no fitnah there aswell - undoubtedly there is fitnah everywhere but you wanna go where there's less of it, innit?

[ummbilal]

I think every Muslim worries about how they are raising their children, and no matter what u do you should never sit back and think, well i'm doing a good job coz i do x y z........or my child goes to a Muslim school, the buck stops with us as parents and its a big responcibility, making hijra makes things easier but for those of us that arent in a possision to do that yet we need to watch our children and give them a love of islam inshaallah.
we need to make them feel part of a muslim community.

All this is hard living in kufr lands.

[Qiyas]

When I was growing up, my parents tried like all good parents, to try to get me into Islaam, but I didn't wanna know (I'm ashamed to say :(). What I learned was, that you have to lead by example and keep praying to Alaah SWT to guide your children (if they're meant to be guided). That's what my parents did, and that what I do now. I don't force my kids to pray, I mean the oldest is only 6, but they both pray with me sometimes anyway. I never told my oldest to come with me to Masjid, he asked himself. And the youngest is only 3 and a half, and he recites the Adhaan whenever he hears it on tv. They both love reciting their Kalima and Salaat because they know it's the easiest way to get my attention, lol !

Part of me is worried, but then I remember that Allaah guides whom he wills, and misguides whom he wills.

The greatest Muslim of all, the Holy Prophet :saw2: lead by example, and look how many people reverted to Islaam, even some of his greatest enemies...

Our job is to to teach our children (and indeed any Muslim child is my child) by example, and that :insha: will be enough for our children to stick to Siraatul Mustaqeem...

:jkk:

:salams

[Medievalist]

Qiyas :up:

I think he.she is right. The best thing is example. Kids are sponges and innocent and everything but once they about 7 they aint thick. You barking at them to pray or not swear or to respect you whilst you laze around and use foul language and backchat about your parents is suicide. They might not say it to yr face but they sure will be thinking abt yr hypocrisy. You cant say "Hey son look Islam is a perfect religion and a perfect way and we're muslims and we're so lucky and the Nabi :saw: is the Best of Creation" and then behave like a sinner and rebellious atheist and expect yr kid to believe you. In his head it'll be " well if Islam was so perfect then why dont you follow it, if the Nabi :saw: was the best why dont you follow Him?"

[K h a l i l]

Qiyas :up:

I think he.she is right. The best thing is example. Kids are sponges and innocent and everything but once they about 7 they aint thick. You barking at them to pray or not swear or to respect you whilst you laze around and use foul language and backchat about your parents is suicide. They might not say it to yr face but they sure will be thinking abt yr hypocrisy. You cant say "Hey son look Islam is a perfect religion and a perfect way and we're muslims and we're so lucky and the Nabi :saw: is the Best of Creation" and then behave like a sinner and rebellious atheist and expect yr kid to believe you. In his head it'll be " well if Islam was so perfect then why dont you follow it, if the Nabi :saw: was the best why dont you follow Him?"

Yeah.. I agree about kids following the examples they are set.. But thats the problem, the people they see aren't just muslims, they see kaafir people, doing and saying disgusting things.. and they pick those things up aswell if you're not careful..

[Irfan GBH]

Masha'allah bro, may Allah keep your children safe from the kuffaar's influence.

Definatly you have to set an example and encourage your children to practise Islam by making it the most important thing in your lives in every way.

When I was growing up, my parents tried like all good parents, to try to get me into Islaam, but I didn't wanna know (I'm ashamed to say :(). What I learned was, that you have to lead by example and keep praying to Alaah SWT to guide your children (if they're meant to be guided). That's what my parents did, and that what I do now. I don't force my kids to pray, I mean the oldest is only 6, but they both pray with me sometimes anyway. I never told my oldest to come with me to Masjid, he asked himself. And the youngest is only 3 and a half, and he recites the Adhaan whenever he hears it on tv. They both love reciting their Kalima and Salaat because they know it's the easiest way to get my attention, lol !

Part of me is worried, but then I remember that Allaah guides whom he wills, and misguides whom he wills.

The greatest Muslim of all, the Holy Prophet :saw2: lead by example, and look how many people reverted to Islaam, even some of his greatest enemies...

Our job is to to teach our children (and indeed any Muslim child is my child) by example, and that :insha: will be enough for our children to stick to Siraatul Mustaqeem...

:jkk:

:salams

[Qiyas]

the people they see aren't just muslims, they see kaafir people, doing and saying disgusting things.. and they pick those things up aswell if you're not careful..

Remeber, kids aren't thick, they understand alot more than we think they do. You're right, some (maybe even most) of the people our kids will see, will be kuffs, but, they way those kuffs treat them will change according to the mood of said kuffs. Whereas, with us, if we're trying to lead by example, we'll always treat our kids justly and fairly (according to Islaam not accordnig to our kids, lol). We wont ignore them because we're angry with them, or 'break up with them' (lol) or ridicule them or embarras them (ok my missus does by giving them kisses, lol). Kids will pick up on this if we're doing our job properly. Who cares about the kuffs ? These children of ours are Allaah's SWT Amaanat, not ours. He takes responsibilty to guide them (and even us until the day that we die). Our responsibilty is to pratice what we preach and to lead by example, so that they want to follow os, and not those kuffs that they see.

How is it that many of us grew up in kufr countries, with kufr mates, and yet we are on this board, choosing to mix with our Aakhis (and yes I am an Aakhi, lol) and our Ukhtis, rather than with those kuffs ?

If we can do it, so can they. Have faith in Allaah SWT...

[brjimc]

So what you guys think? Any ideas on how to keep our children on the straight path while living in the west?

There is only one answer to this and I see people making this mistake time and time again.

Parental involvement
Parental involvement
Parental involvement!!!!!!!

Far to often do I see parents send their kids to school (using it as a babysitting tool) not knowing what their kids are doing in school.

far too often do I see kids come home and their parents too busy to spend time with them to teach and help them learn their school work at home.

Far too often do I see parents sit them infront of a television screen using it like a babysitting tool to keep them calm and busy.

Far too often do i see parents allow their kids to spend their time on the PC playing games that have no learning value whatsoever (again using it as a babysitting tool).

Far too often do I see parents not involving the kids in family events, going for a walk, going to the park, playing with them.

Far too often do i see parents allowing or telling them to go out with their friends to play, never seeing them all day and sometimes well into the night (not knowing what they 'really' are doing or 'who' exactly they are with) using the friends as a babysitting tool. Then calling them in at night. Note: kids lie, even the good ones.

Far to often do parents treat kids like dogs. They feed them, send them out to play, let them run wild, disrespect others, pet them when they come in and put them to sleep and make the excuse "well they are just kids"

What differentiates a kid from an animal is parental involvement.

No parental involvement, the kids will learn everything from the wild (other kids and the street). Instead of parental involvement, the streets and immoral society stand in to teach your kids what they want to know.

If you are a good parent, you will ensure that the majority of a kids time is spent with his/her parents and that time will be made to keep the kids attention and fun family time.

Kids are not pets.

Keep involved in his/her life and you will earn their respect and admiration and they will learn how to survive this world and society from you, not a TV, PC, other kids and immoral society. Only a parents experience can guide a kids through this.

Stay involved, keep the kid. Dont stay involve, your throwing them to the wolves to fend for themselves. No kid should have to go through the school of hard knocks if they have parents.

[$HugoBoss$]

Don't buy them a cell phone or give them a car to drive until they're 21, install spy software to monitor their internet activities. Teach them about the importance of making good pious friends and avoiding haram activities. Make dua to allah for their protection from shaytan and that they follow the path of our beloved prophet.

Build a islamic library before they are even born which include books and dvd's and expose this to them at a very young age. This is what i plan to do, no way will i let my children grow up in the atmosphere i did.

[Sulaiman Harun]

:start:

:salams

Encourage them to study Islam first like Imam Ahmad (RahimahuLlah)'s mother used to. Early in the morning, she used to wake up long before Fajr, heat the water for her young son so he could do wudu' to go to the Masjid and he could sit in the front of the Masjid. She would then wait till half the day would be gone, till Imam Ahmad would finish his classes in the Masjid and take him by hand back home. And later on Imam Ahmad used to teach his students about his mother, how she brought him up.

[zammy]

:salams

I cannot imagine raising children here..

The parents of this generation (our parents) already went through the pressure of raising us here and I can see how tough it is as a parent. If this generation is this corrupted, imagine the next generation? Non Muslims are always adapting more and more corrupted ways, god knows what kind of things will be acceptable in this society by the time any kids I have become teenagers.

I see parents struggling to raise their teenagers here. Then I see girls leaving their homes with abayas and transforming when they get outside..going clubbing..smoking..doing god knows what with god knows who. The boys are influenced into drug usage, stealing, hanging out with the worst of the worst. erghh.. the possibilities are endless. I wouldn't put my children in this kind of environment at all. I've already seen enough of what can happen.

You can throw them in an islamic school if you want, but that's where all parents take their kids-good or bad. The only solution I can see is homeschooling them AND showing them the best example by being a good Muslim yourself. And I'd say start instilling islamic values in them from day one instead of waiting till their older and it's too late.

[Cashew]

Brjimc is 100% correct.

It may be a little easier to raise you children Islamically "back home," but, please, don't kid yourself.

There are no shortcuts to raising decent kids.

You have to stay involved in every aspect of their lives 100% of the time no matter where you live.

And, frankly, 100% involvement is a huge pain in the neck and it's exhausting and tedious and harder than you could ever imagine it to be.

That said, I think two things make the project much easier:

* You've gotta be very, very strict with kids until they're five- or six-years old. I don't mean being harsh. I mean actively guiding and correcting them all the time. Even actively teaching them how to play well with other kids. If you're strict when they're little, you can be a lot more casual as they get older.

* Kids should have very little, if any, "free time." And by "free time" I mean time when they have nothing to do. So, play doesn't count as "free time." They're schedules should be full with things they need to do and things they enjoy doing. In other words, kids should be accountable for their time.

[Noor_Usman]

Asalamalikum.

Yes, this is always on my mind. Allah will bless us with children when ever he wishes so I am constantly thinking at the back of my mind "am I strong enough to protect them yet?". To a point I'd say I should have more trust in Allah's plans...which I am working on alhamdillah and inshallah! But being a mother to me means the world and when it happens I want to raise my children as gorgeous little muslims who are strong in their faith and will be able to cope in the world when/if they leave home.

To start with I am going to give them strong Islamic names. Then I'm going to make sure that as very small children i.e baby-3yrs old they are always hearing words like mashallah, alhamdillah and have someone say bismillah before they feed them. Inshallah they will be able to say many of these words themselves by this age and will have a concept that Allah made the world, Prophet Muhammad (saw) was Allah's favourite person who helped teach Muslims (like mummy and daddy and them) how to live and that not everybody in the world are muslims but A LOT are.
**lol look at my mini lecture!**
Then when they are 4yrs-5yrs I want them to know a few short surahs and start going through the motions of praying even if they can't remeber the words....just so they're used to it.

Once they are older I can only pray that everything we say and do will help to keep them on the right path.

[Cristiana]

I hear you loud and clear brother...

OUR EXAMPLE is the first and foremost and best thing we have to give our offspring. Without that you can raise them on the moon but it wouldn't help.

...And LOTS OF DU'A :up:

Our first son is on his way insha'Allah and my husband and I are now talking in rather practical terms about this.

"Back home" doesn't seem to be an option for either because:

Libya (his "home") = it is a muslim country where he had trouble for praying fajr in the mosque, having a beard and wearing jilbaab (!!!) besides, schools/university/job prospects aren't anything special and there's LOTS of unislamic practices going on anyway. Still better than...
Italy (my "home") = Formally the law protects your freedom to practice Islam (SO FAR!!) but it's 200% kaffir and it is haram even to walk in the streets!!!

So here's the deal location wise: we need to stay in the UK for another few years to complete our education insha'Allah. After all Manchester is a really good place to be, and where we live is packed with muslims alhamdulillah (=I never even visited a muslim country so for me this is fab:up:) I'll check out the muslim schools and I have friends who attended them as children so they might be able to give me some info.

Then we'll pick a new "home" to move permanenently to, a new muslim country where we can find good jobs and good school/universities for our children insha'Allah. And obviously where a beard or hijab isn't a problem ( ---> it sounds absurd soesn't it?)

Anyway...ALLAHU 'ALIM we'll see what happens...

[`asiya]

Yeah.. I agree about kids following the examples they are set.. But thats the problem, the people they see aren't just muslims, they see kaafir people, doing and saying disgusting things.. and they pick those things up aswell if you're not careful.. sah ur so right. :jkk:

i think the best thing if at all possible is to make hijrah to muslim lands, where the children are not under pressure from non muslims and their way of life , where they hear the adhan 5 times a day and are surrounded by an islamic community, not having other muslims around us, and not having muslim freinds of their own has been the downfall of my own sons, the few examples we have had of those who are nothing more than muslim by name, has made everything i have taught my sons about islam, seem untrue, they wonder why their mother takes it so seriously and beleives in Islam, when the born muslims they have met dont even care about what the religion says, they stick to their own kind are nationalistic, some are even snobs due to their profession...my sons started to wonder if its like christianity where u say u beleive one thing, but u do what u like regardless, they were 9 and 10 when they chose to become muslims.

It takes more than parents to raise up children, they are in the care of their teachers more than their parents during the week as soon as they reach school age, and the influences around them in the community are so strong..and short of keeping them locked up 24/7 then there is little you can do to protect them from the influences in a non muslim society.

my situation is unique in one sense that we were reverts and havent had a masjid or a practising muslim community around us for many years, and it was hard enough for my sons being the only mixed race kids around and in their school , and suffering at the hands of racists from a very young age. This impounded their desire to be like everyone else and not stand out by praying and saying they were muslims anymore, because they just kept getting beaten up all the time for no reason by adults and the police picked on by teachers, and that made them street wise to the darker side of life because they had to be to survive without a chip on their shoulder.

It was even harder for them to not stand out when their mother is one of two women from 100,000 ppl in hijab and abaya ....alhamdulillah i managed to stay strong but for my sons it was all too much for them, and now they are just angry at the muslims they dont understand why their mother was left to struggle alone if all i said about islam and the brotherhood of muslims is true..then why were we left alone. it leaves a lot of contradictions in their minds, and it just goes to show what can so easily happen when u try and raise your children in the lands of the non muslims, you are in serious danger of loosing your children to shaitan if you dont have a very close knit practising islamic community around you who walk their talk!

having said all that my sons have retained many personal islamic values alhamdulillah, taking care of their mother and feeling a responsability towards me, not lying, not cheating, having good manners, they beleive in working hard, and when their mushrik grandmother tries to tell them that her idols are God they say no i can smash your gods on the floor right now and nothing will happen, there is only one God. alhamdulillah may Allah ta ala guide them back to al Islam amin

seriously think about making hijrah if u possibly can :up:

[-Fady-]

:start:

:salams

Encourage them to study Islam first like Imam Ahmad (RahimahuLlah)'s mother used to. Early in the morning, she used to wake up long before Fajr, heat the water for her young son so he could do wudu' to go to the Masjid and he could sit in the front of the Masjid. She would then wait till half the day would be gone, till Imam Ahmad would finish his classes in the Masjid and take him by hand back home. And later on Imam Ahmad used to teach his students about his mother, how she brought him up.

Beautiful Masha Allah

Also (not saying you should do this) but at the age of 13 his mother told him to go seek knowledge and gave him a few loaves of bread, he ended up in baghdad, when he was 16 he travelled to Mecca/Medinah? on foot in the desert, subhan Allah! May Allah Yarham and yardah 'an Imam Ahmad!

im getting all excited but after the Imam died a Salih saw him in a dream and asked him "what did Allah do with you?" he replied "he told me to go meet up with Abu 'Abdullah, Abu 'Abdullah and Abu 'Abdullah" so he asked Allah "who are they?" he *SWT* said "Imam malik, Imam Shafi'i and Al-Thowri!" (and they were all Abu 'Abdullah!)

Basically from this we learn that Islamic Knowledge is the key, get him to get near to Allah even from an early age, then Insha Allah wherever the child is, he will fear Allah like the Prophet *SAW* advised us "Fear Allah wherever you may be (or situation)..."

[vorsprung]

nice article on MuslimMatters today, address's this situation quite nicely:

http://muslimmatters.org/2008/01/04/cultural-chameleons/

[najx]

... I don't force my kids to pray, I mean the oldest is only 6, but they both pray with me sometimes anyway. I never told my oldest to come with me to Masjid, he asked himself. And the youngest is only 3 and a half, and he recites the Adhaan whenever he hears it on tv. They both love reciting their Kalima and Salaat because they know it's the easiest way to get my attention, lol !



at these ages, yes, they are so.

but keep in mind that their nafs/shaitan also grows, as they grow
and your job gets much harder than now.


no matter where you live, islamic or non-islamic environment, I aggree with brjimc. Parental involvement especially from birth to ages where their attention goes on other directions than you (maybe around 14-15) is essential.

[Abu Muslim]

wa3laykum salaam
sah man, just another benefit of hijrah.

Yes Im still a kid myself but looking at the future if Allah wills me to live that far, bringing up children in this country the way I would like my children insha'Allah just aint happening.

You could set a good example in the home, but from the moment they hit secondary school, you dont know what goes on there. They could be all nice at home..and something else outside. I think like the brother said is setting a good example however I know of so many cases where the parents are practicing..and the children aren't and the kuffar around you dont' help.

I think in a muslim country it is so much easier to bring up a child, theyre exposed to the ills of society in a much smaller scale and since everyone is muslim, at least they are bought up with islamic principles and know the basics of the deen. The people are generally better covered and generally they are better mannered in muslim countries. Quran and Sunnah is around you everywhere and far more masaajid.

I think you just gotta get LOVE of deen into their head right form the word go and this is one long post, so.

[Qiyas]

:salams

So, after watching a lecture by Aakhi Abdur Raheem Green, in which he discussed making Hijrah, I'm thinking of moving :insha: to Madinah. From what I gather, there is debate if whether Hijrah is Fard, Waajib or Sunnah, but it gave my wife good enough reason to talk me into considering leaving...

Actually, the lecture ties in nicely with this topic, as he was talking about what he termed as The Coca Cola Muslim , lol ! I felt, that his explanation of what a Coca Cola Muslim was, may be similar to how we feel our childrem may turn out, under the wrong influence. It was one of the reasons he talked about Hijrah, and how that could help Muslims become more Islaamic...
I would recommend this lecture to anyone that hasn't seen it yet, and maybe you'll get some tips from it...


Maybe Deen is linked to instinct (or maybe a spiritial connection at a subconscious level). There was a book I remember reading when I was young:


Basically, a father came home one day with a bag of sweets, and called his three sons to him. He gave them one sweet each and said:

"who ever can eat their sweet, without anybody seeing them, can have the whole bag"

So, one son ran and hid inside a cupboard, and thought that nobody would find him. One son went and hid under his bed, and thought that nobody would find him. The third son, looked and looked and looked. His father found him still searching for a hiding place, and asked why he wasn't hiding:

"Father, first I thought about hiding in the cupboard, and then I thought about hiding under my bed, and then I thought about hiding under the table, but then I realised that there was no pllace that I could hide where Allaah SWT couldn't see me."

The father was so proud, that he gave that child the whole bag of sweets...


Obviously, the parents would have brought up all three sons in the same way, so why did one of them have such an enlightened mind ?

Then Allah sendeth whom He will astray, and guideth whom He will.

[Cristiana]

I discussed with my husband about hijra. I was of the opinion that the environment matters relatively, especially because un-islamic practices are very diffused in so many muslim countries too...

But he had an excellent point masha'Allah: in a muslim country maybe some teenagers drink alcohol, or have boyfriends/girlfriends etc but in muslim countires such behaviours is still stigmatised and frowned upon by society (in the latest)! while here in Europe it is seen as absolutely normal.
This may not work completely as a deterrent, but it makes it harder for rebellious kids :up:

[Irfan GBH]

Hijrah may well be neccesary in future I think, would have to pick a place carefully, do alot of research, etc. Ummah forum will come in handy when that time comes i guess, so may the forum continue to florish :)

[Hadeel_babe]

I think you should move. There is no way you can bring your children up in the west. Ive been brought up in england for all my life, and even though I'm a muslim and all that, I'm not as relegious as I could have been if I had been brought up in my country (in my opnion). The way of life, and people kind of distract you or kind of make you think again. What am i trying to say? I dont know.