Become weaker - help!

[unregsister]

Assalaamu Alaykum all,

I hope that inshaAllah you can all offer me some advice.

I started practising about 5/6 years ago alhamdulillah and mashaAllah I was quite strong in Deen. After a short while I started to observe niqaab, khimaar and abaya and I would never miss any Salaat. After a few years I got married to a practising brother mashaAllah and things were still good alhamdulillah in terms of Deen and having a high sense of Imaan.

Slowly though I started noticing a change in myself, I was becoming weaker and would sometimes miss a Salaah here and there not because I didn't 'want' to pray but because of being 'busy', etc. (this was obviously just an excuse). Even after this 'busy' period was over I didn't give Salaah the importance I use to. I still felt guilty though and so did my husband. We would sometimes encourage each other and say that we had to get back on track, improve, etc. and it would last for a while but then go back to missing a Salaah here and a Salaah there.

I started working and I didn't observe my niqaab at work. Also, when I went to my in laws I didn't wear niqaab because of certain issues. At first I would wear my niqaab and then take it off when I approached the places but then I just didn't bother wearing it at all.

I still feel guilty and bad for not being as observant as I use to and sometimes I get really worried and scared about not pleasing Allah SWT so for a little while I'll improve but it doesn't last (same with hubby). I feel like I want to put my niqaab back on and I want to become better and I don't want to miss any Salaat but shaytaan keeps whispering and I keep listening! I went to the shops the other day with my niqaab on and people were laughing at me, etc. and I felt so weak that I didn't wear it on after that.

Sorry for going on for so long but I would be grateful for any advice, etc. to help me improve inshaAllah.

:'(

Wasalaam,
Your sister in Islam

[Tranquillity]

Salaam sister. You don't mention du'a in your post and it really is SO IMPORTANT! We are beset everyday by trials and we are weak, Allah knows that. Sometimes we get enthusiastic and try to do a lot very quickly, such as when practising the Deen. But it is much better to build up gradually and then stick to it. I don't mean with something like the prayer, because that should be guarded above all things. so start with making that a priority in your life once more. If it will be easier, start by ensuring that at the very least you never miss you Fard or Witr salat and then build in the sunnah prayers.
with regards to the niqaab, nobody would argue that it is difficult, I myself do not wear one but would like to. Maash'Allah you had the strenght to wear it once and you will again, insh'Allah.
As for Shaytaan, well he is our sworn enemy and we cannot really expect him to leave us alone. One thing I have found to help a bit though is to develop an argumentative voice in your head that always argues back when he whispers. with practise you can get really good at it!
But sis, make du'a for yourself because it is more powerful than we often realise. Insh'Allah we will all make du'a for you as well.
May Allah increase us all in iman and keep us on the path of Al-Islam. Ameen.

[Cashew]

May I suggest that yours is a problem common to many young people, Muslim and non-Muslim?

You make your projects too big.

For example, you worry about what you're going to do for your entire life instead of worrying about what you do from day to day, from hour to hour.

Worrying about what we will or won't do over the course of an entire lifetime naturally makes us feel helpless and anxious.

But when we take life one day at a time and accept that great accomplishments are made in small steps, our problems and goals become much more manageable.

If you want to observe niqaab, and because this issue in particular seems troubling to you, you might need to take even smaller steps. Try just concentrating on what you need to do to observe niqaab, for example, from the time you wake until noon. Once noon rolls around, concentrate on what you need to do to observe niqaab from noon until 5:00PM. Etc.

The same holds true for your prayers. Don't get all worked up about completing all of them on time. Do what you need to do in order to complete the first one on time. Then the second, and so on.

This is how we build regular long-lasting habits. We take small steps, each small success building upon each small success.

You will of course stumble and make mistakes. But gradually, over time, you will stumble less often and make fewer and fewer mistakes.

Eventually, prayer and niqaab will become second-nature to you. Those things will become a natural part of who you are and how you go about your day.

Be patient. Take small steps. Take each day hour-by-hour if necessary. You'll be amazed by how easy this all will become.

[Unregsis]

JazakAllahu khairan and thank you for your advice.

Tranquility: Alhamdulillah, du'aa is definitely a weapon of the believer and it is something that I need to implement more in my life - jazakillahu khairan for this important reminder. May Allah SWT bless you with goodness - aameen.

Cashew: Thank you so much for your advice! You are sooo right! Small steps lead on to bigger things and my problem is that I try to do too much, burn out and then don't bother at all. I will definitely take this on board and hopefully it will allow me to be more consistent in my life, in all aspects.

I am really grateful for your comments!

Wasalaam,

[Tosh]

With the beautiful advice, MashaAllah, from Tranquility and Cashew, I would like to add one more thing.

It seems from your explanation that it is just you and your husband who are helping each other, MashaAllah, May Allah put more barakah and blessings in your relationship. Ameen.

I know you are busy, but might I suggest you make more good Muslim friends. Shaytaan can attack an individual or a small group more easily then he can a strong group of Muslims.

The Prophet Muhammad (saw) said “The likeness of a righteous friend and an evil friend is the likeness of a (musk) perfume seller and a blacksmith. As for the perfume seller, he may either bestow something on you, or you may purchase something from him, or you may benefit from his sweet smell. And as for the blacksmith, he may either burn your clothes, or you may be exposed to his awful smell.” (Muslim and Bukhari)

There is a lesson to learn from the second part as we have all experienced bad companionship and being embarassed by our beautiful Deen, nastaghfirullah. But I refer to the first part, the belief and strength of good friends will just rub off on us. The haraam because rightfully much more embarassing than the halal and faraa'idh. With friendship and others who are strong with their Islam, one will be more confident.

Anyways, it is clear that Allah swt has given you a strong ability to follow His Commands, MashaAllah, now it is just the willpower. May Allah inspire us with a strength and Imaan similar to what you had and may He restore it for you and your husband, and give you both better than it. Ameen.

[Unregsis]

Assalaamu Alaykum,

Tosh - MashaAllah! Thank you for your words of wisdom - may Allah SWT bless you and increase you in good! - aameen.

InshaAllah I hope to go to more circles/meet more pious sisters, etc. as this is like the fuel to a flame - it keeps it going!

Again I want to thank you all! Your words of encouragement, nasiha, etc. have meant so much to me and I really feel as though I am, inshaAllah, slowly but surely getting back on track - jazakumullahu khairan!

Wasalaam,
Your sister in Islam