wife beating... i want her back :(

[PleaseHelp]

aslam wa alakum brothers and sisters...

i have 2 little girls, a1 year old and a 2 and half year old
my wife is 6 years younger then me... i love her to bits and i love my kids to bits.


we have been married for 6 years and i am Ashamed to say this but i have hit her and broke her nose on the first day of our huneymoon after being married for just a week.. since then for 6 years i have been hitting her with 2-3 weeks gap the most.

and now she wants a divorse, she has asked for this many times by involving our familys and now she is very serious... she wont even talk to me and is determined that she wants to have a divorce full stop... its been nearly a week now...

and i have seriously SERIOUSLY changed... I have changed and i want my wife and kids back.

but no one believes that i have changed as this is always ongoing with me... BUT i have changed now, by allowing myself to seek allahs light.

I need your help... PLEASE, Please help me... i want my family back.

is there a dua i can read or something...

please help me here...

[Summayah]

How long since she left you? and what gives you the impression that youv'e changed?

Did you beat the kids too?

[THE PATH 2]

YOU have power,anger,control issues

you also need to address the root of the problem and the courage to admit and resolve

dua to read???:rubeyes:

YOU need to control yourself ..ask for forgiveness from youre wife and inlaws and eat a lot of humble pie

the reasons for youre violence need to be addressed

believe me im an experienced bloke in life

untill the root cause and failure of self control is not addressed..you will hit again

if youre from yorkshire.pm me.

ASK ALLAH FOR TOTAL GUIDANCE IN ALL THINGS IN LIFE

[ummbilal]

If you have raised your hand to your wife, i think she has been very patient to stay with you for so long, when your love and respect someone you dont beat them, You have a lot of work to do and you may have already made your wifes heart hard towards you.

What have you done to change? What will you do to prevent it ever happening again?
What if she absolutely doesnt want you anymore, no woman or man should be married to someone she doesnt love, personally i would never put up with this treatment.

[mashcaster]

no point telling her or her family that you have changed. prove it to her. seems like a lot of damage has been done in those years, it could take that many years or more to heal the damage done.

[vorsprung]

all offence intended. You beat your wife every 2 to 3 weeks for 6 years, and even on the honeymoon.

You dont deserve her or your family.

IMO you claim you'v changed, let your wife (ex wife) go, allow her to start over and marry someone else who'll treasure her, value her and treat her like a wife should be treated.

All cute asking for a Duah to help, have you sincerely asked your wife, family & Allah for forgiveness?

I feel angry & sad for your wife who put up with your lousy, cowardly behaviour for so many years.

[click]

aslam wa alakum brothers and sisters...

i have 2 little girls, a1 year old and a 2 and half year old
my wife is 6 years younger then me... i love her to bits and i love my kids to bits.


we have been married for 6 years and i am Ashamed to say this but i have hit her and broke her nose on the first day of our huneymoon after being married for just a week.. since then for 6 years i have been hitting her with 2-3 weeks gap the most.

and now she wants a divorse, she has asked for this many times by involving our familys and now she is very serious... she wont even talk to me and is determined that she wants to have a divorce full stop... its been nearly a week now...

and i have seriously SERIOUSLY changed... I have changed and i want my wife and kids back.

but no one believes that i have changed as this is always ongoing with me... BUT i have changed now, by allowing myself to seek allahs light.

I need your help... PLEASE, Please help me... i want my family back.

is there a dua i can read or something...

please help me here...a person like you doesnt deserve a second chance.

an opressor never should be given another chance with the people they have oppressed.

you are a tyrant, if you have seriously changed you would know that you need to move on, for the people you hae scarred can never be redeemed.

you need to stop wallowing, it is actually good that you are not with your wife, and your wife has finally taken the step to pull you away from her kids who migtht also grow up to be hedious like you.

move on brother, you can never have what you had before by behaving in such a way.

before reading any dua, ask forgiveness from your lord. for if the Prophet SAW would condemn women to hell for thier tongues, then surely youll go to hell for the action of your fists.

you dont deserve a wife, and you dont deserve kids, why have you changed? because you no longer have them? you finally realise that for once your not beating anyone and wow youve changed?

sorry im so unkind to you. but you need to move on. asking stupid questions after youve behaved in such a way. well if you got back with your wife, no matter how much you have changed poor her.

you might love your family, you might think youve changed and want them back. bu after your actions how can you be so self centered and think that maybe your family dont want you anymore?

why would you torment your family more by wanting them back because you think youve changed?

if youve changed i can belive it.....but your so selfish to think your family might love you, especilly your wife if you beat her up on her honey moon. astagfrullah.

your feelings mean nothing, if you cannot comprehend and respect the feeling of others whom you have mistreated then feel, you want them back.

your deluded, good on your wife, get another wife and start of clean, see if your really chaged when you finally realise you are not beating her. or keep your privates to yourself anf never get married again.

[Pro_Candy]

Nearly a week? You haven't changed. You will go back to your ways if she chooses to come back now.

She needs to leave you, and she needs to get the kids away from this harmful situation. You have put your children's mental health in danger, by putting their mother's safety in danger.

She needs to stay gone until and unless you can somehow prove 100% that you have changed your ways. And that will be nearly impossible for you to do.

Let me tell you, my ex mentally abused me. He abused me in every way possible, other than physically (only because he knew that if he hit me, I'd have his balls). I lost respect for him, lost love, trust, everything that a marriage needs. Now he is without a wife, and missing his children. Do I feel bad? Hell no. My children (and I) are happy, much happier without him.

Sorry, I don't have any sympathy for you. Wife-abusers don't deserve sympathy.

[Arsalan]

Your wife should divorce you, your a sadistic, evil plonk.

This is all of course based on what you have said, and not knowing whether its not true.

[Ebony]

Well if she doesn't want to stay married to you anymore and has asked for a divorce then it makes no difference whether you have changed or not.

Dont blame her either. You deserve what you get,.

[Al Qadr]

Divorce is something that is allowed but disliked.
You say you have changed. What makes you so sure?

If you really feel you have changed spend short amounts of time with your wife leading to longer periods of time, you may then for sure be able to tell if you have changed.


I leave you with some Ahadeeth for consideration.


The Prophet ( :saw: ) said:

"The best of you is the best one to his family." [Al-Tabarani]


To share food with her, to provide her with (decent) clothes as he provides himself, to refrain from smacking her,and not ignoring her but in the house.

Woman was created from a bent rib and will not be made straight for you on one way (that you like). If you want to enjoy her,you enjoy her while she is still bent. If you want to straighten her up, you will break her. Breaking her is divorcing her.
[Al-Bukhari & Muslim]

Be advised to treat women righteously.
[Al-Bukhari & Muslim]
[Ahmad]

[PleaseHelp]

i have never hit the kids...
and i know i have changed, i love her...

If Allah gives me the strength and i hope he does if this pain of separation continues i will take my own life.

as mentioned. yes i am a coward and i do need Allah's guidance.

but i dont know how i going to survive, i love my wife and i want her back. and to show her how sorry i am... i will take my life for all the pain i have given and by destroying her life (and my kids life)... but if this does continue, i wont be able to survive.

Please pray for out get to gether or may allah give me the strength to take my own live as i trully do deserve hell fire....

i will never find anyone again as i have a social phobia problem, and i am alway in tears when i see kids or other women or the mention of islam

I am Sorry.

[GAL-actic]

I think EVERYONE deserves a chance. So bro like some said before you should prove to your wife that YOU DID CHANGE. The big question is still will she believe you? You have lots of thing to do so better get on with it.

I think before showing her you've changed you should think about your actions. This is your wife and you should treat her that way. And you need to find out what makes you act that way towards her. Maybe go and get some help/therapy together? And the best thing to do is pray to Allah! With Allah's help insha'Allah the best decision will be made.

W'Salaam

[jazz8000]

The sin of beating a wife is in a category of its own. The wife is a trust from the almighty and like anything held in trust, the trustee will be held accountable for it with a sever punishment for neglect.

There is nothing anyone can do as this is between you, your wife and almighty. If you have lost the love and respect of your wife than your loss is great. You can only ask for forgiveness from your wife and almighty.

Regarding yourself, every time that your have raised your hands, think of why why you coudn't control yourself (meaning actualy you, not who angered you) and think of ways to control yourself. THis is just novice advice but a counsellor or anger management type of people can really help you.

[Medievalist]

:salams

It's good that you are aware that you're actions have been wrong and detrimental and it appears that you are experiencing remorse. My advice is to apologise to your wife and tell her that you realise you have problems and are willing to take whatever steps are necessary to rectify them - eg counselling.

In regards your wife - she is an amaanat/trust that ALLAH has entrusted to you. Undoubtedly at times she will be annoying or downright disrespectful and really aggravate you but keep ALLAH before you. Her behaviour to you is not even noteworthy - what you need to focus on is your duties to her. To provide adequately for her, to guide her to the correct choices in life, to help her in her moral/spiritual life. If physical chastisement is needed it should be done when a man is calm as in anger the motive of the chastisement is expression of anger and not rectification. As it appears you already have some laxity with your anger its is best to cross a physical chastisement off the list indefinitely and work to guide your wife and children with your words and encouragement.

Bro - women are deficient in intellect and we should take that into account when they err. As a man and as a husband and father its YOUR responsibility to deal with your wife and kids deficiency with wisdom. Further indeed you are the head of the household but the head/ameer of a group is always their servant. His role is to serve them and to lead them, not to force his own will/likes/dislikes on them.

May ALLAH Ta'ala put barakah in your marriage and put mutual love, affection and mercy between the two - ameen

[Nasibah]

Asalamu A'laikum,

Subhanallah what a sad situation. May :allah: reward the sister for the patience she exercised during those abusive periods. Ameen.

Every week, two women are killed by their partner or ex-partner (women's aid)

Subhanallah what you've is horrible and very cruel.

However, perhaps you are sincere in wanting to change.

And because of that, I ask :allah: to cure you of this horrific of your oppressive ways and rage. I think you should focus on dealing with your issues. Perhaps after some time (far into the future) you can start thinking about relationships.

Please see www.respect.uk.net they work with domestic violence perpetrators. See what they can do to help you deal with issues.

[RaNdOm]

:salams

i dont know whether you've changed or not...

but to break someone down so much.....from the day of ur honeymoon for 6years.... when u hit her u dint just hurt her physically.. u broke her.... emotionally crushed her... ur husband who theres meant to be so much love with... could do that to u.... have u even stopped to think how her heart would be breaking everytime u even raised your hand to her? not just anyone... ur wife... hmmm

and now it sounds like after 6yrs of taking abuse shes finally become strong, maybe Allah swt helped her to move away from some1 that brought her so much pain, i can see why she doesnt want to talk to u...

from ur words it doesnt sound like ur even feeling the true pain of how u tormented someone for so long, moreso it seems like ur just scared of losin her because of ur own needs... and how things in the future might turn out for u...

sometimes i imagine if i were to ever get into this situation... and i think if i really loved him id probably just forgive him and understand that he probably gets angry sometimes... but i think by 6yrs or actually even less than that... id realise theres only so much i can put up with... and if all someone saw me as was a punchbag i should stay well clear... but may Allah protect me and other sisters from men like that Ameen...

it couldnt have been easy her wanting to come away from u and asking for that divorce, but u probably pushed her away so much that she just wants to stay well clear...

hmmmmm

“And among His Signs is this, that He created for you wives from among yourselves, that you may find repose in them, and He has put between you affection and mercy. Verily, in that are indeed signs for a people who reflect” [al-Room 30:21]

"And when My slaves ask you concerning Me, then I am indeed near (to them by My Knowledge). I respond to the invocations of the supplicants when he calls on Me (without any mediator or intercessor). So let them obey Me and believe in Me, so that they may be led aright." [al-Baqarah 2:186]


“The best of you is the one who is best towards his wife, and I am the best of you towards my wives.” (Narrated by al-Tirmidhi, 3895; Ibn Maajah, 1977; classed as saheeh by Shaykh al-Albaani in Saheeh al-Jaami, 3314).

[Raziel]

aslam wa alakum brothers and sisters...

i have 2 little girls, a1 year old and a 2 and half year old
my wife is 6 years younger then me... i love her to bits and i love my kids to bits.


we have been married for 6 years and i am Ashamed to say this but i have hit her and broke her nose on the first day of our huneymoon after being married for just a week.. since then for 6 years i have been hitting her with 2-3 weeks gap the most.

and now she wants a divorse, she has asked for this many times by involving our familys and now she is very serious... she wont even talk to me and is determined that she wants to have a divorce full stop... its been nearly a week now...

and i have seriously SERIOUSLY changed... I have changed and i want my wife and kids back.

but no one believes that i have changed as this is always ongoing with me... BUT i have changed now, by allowing myself to seek allahs light.

I need your help... PLEASE, Please help me... i want my family back.

is there a dua i can read or something...

please help me here...

You beat your Wife for 6 YEARS!!! :eek3:

Nauzubillah-Min-Zaliq!

I really don't understand how someone can be so cruel to the ones he Loved ...

Make Tawbah Day and Night, and ask Allah Subhanau Wata'ala to help you, if you have truly changed for the better, and have made Tawbah in an acceptable manner, Allah Tabarak wata'ala will surely forgive you.

Pray All 5 times Salah and ask Allah for Help, make nafl Salah especially in the Night, speak kindly to her, and treat her with all due respect at all times while she is with you ... and keep asking her to forgive you.

Ultimately you must understand that after suffering 6 Years of Abuse at your hands she has no Obligations to stay with you and risk suffering more. Therefore if she does seek Divorce, or goes to a Qazi/Judge to Nullify the marriage, part with her with respect, and do not get angry or attack her.

Repent to Allah with Ikhlas/Sincerity, if what you seek is good for you, Allah Ta'ala will give it to you, Insha'allah ...

:jkk:

[Pippin1376]

but i dont know how i going to survive, i love my wife and i want her back. and to show her how sorry i am... i will take my life for all the pain i have given and by destroying her life (and my kids life)... but if this does continue, i wont be able to survive.
For a second try to look at what you did to her. You may be breaking inside, but she is done. Just done. She's broken both physically and mentally, and because of what you did she may not even love you anymore. She's endured much hardship over the last six years that you caused her. Look back and understand why she did this, and try not to get angry. Instead feel sad, wonder why you'd ever do this to a human being.

I suggest if you really want to show her that you changed sign up at an anger management class, go to your iman, read the Quran, pray to Allah for forgiveness. GO GET HELP. One week isn't enough for someone to change, since you've been doing this for six years. Be thankful that she stayed with you that long because if you slapped me and broke my nose in our honeymoon I'd be gone in a heartbeat whether I loved you or not.

Another thing you should do is give her space! She's scared of you with reason to be scared. Perhaps write a letter to her asking for forgiveness and that you'll give her space. If she wants a divorce, you'll still have 3 months to make a turn around if you want her back. So work hard on yourself and reflect and learn about the hell you put her through, only then will you change inshallah for the better.

If the Divorce goes through, then inshallah I hope she finds a better husband, and I hope you find a wife who you'll love and never hit again.

Best of Luck in controlling your anger, it will be hard but it will only benefit you.

[Raziel]

i have never hit the kids...
and i know i have changed, i love her...

If Allah gives me the strength and i hope he does if this pain of separation continues i will take my own life.

as mentioned. yes i am a coward and i do need Allah's guidance.

but i dont know how i going to survive, i love my wife and i want her back. and to show her how sorry i am... i will take my life for all the pain i have given and by destroying her life (and my kids life)... but if this does continue, i wont be able to survive.

Please pray for out get to gether or may allah give me the strength to take my own live as i trully do deserve hell fire....

i will never find anyone again as i have a social phobia problem, and i am alway in tears when i see kids or other women or the mention of islam

I am Sorry.

If you decide to take your Own life do know that you will have earned a One way ticket to Jahannam/Hell!

Nauzubillah-Min-Zaliq!

in other words don't even think about it ...

Total despair is all out Kufr, as you will have no hope at all,

May Allah save us from such Imbecilic acts ...

if the separation does go through you need to learn to move on, you cannot blame others, the result is due to your actions ...

If you have Trully changed, have Sabr and move one if the separation continues...
:jkk:

[RaNdOm]

i have never hit the kids...
and i know i have changed, i love her...

If Allah gives me the strength and i hope he does if this pain of separation continues i will take my own life.

as mentioned. yes i am a coward and i do need Allah's guidance.

but i dont know how i going to survive, i love my wife and i want her back. and to show her how sorry i am... i will take my life for all the pain i have given and by destroying her life (and my kids life)... but if this does continue, i wont be able to survive.

Please pray for out get to gether or may allah give me the strength to take my own live as i trully do deserve hell fire....

i will never find anyone again as i have a social phobia problem, and i am alway in tears when i see kids or other women or the mention of islam

I am Sorry.

:salams

i cant believe u just said that ud take ur own life...


"And do not kill yourselves. Surely, Allaah is Most merciful to you. And whoever commits that through aggression and injustice, We shall cast him into the Fire…" [al-Nisa' 4:29-30]

i swear when people say that it makes me SO SO SO SO SO angry, do u really think if u kill urself the pain will stop???? or will the punishment of Allah swt which is MUCH worse than anything u can imagine or are going through right now hurt u more????
"Whoever throws himself down from a mountain and kills himself, he will be in the Fire of Hell throwing himself down for ever and ever. Whoever drinks poison and kills himself will have the poison in his hand, drinking it in the Fire of Hell for ever and ever. Whoever kills himself with a piece of iron [a weapon] will have that piece of iron in his hand, stabbing himself in the stomach with it in the Fire of Hell forever and ever." (Narrated by al-Bukhaari, 5778).

is that what u want your eternity to be like???

what is this world???? its NOTHING compared to the hereafter, and dont u think u almost kinda deserve the pain ur feeling now cos of what u made her feel in the past??? dont u think those times u broke her is worth the pain ur feelin now??? dont u think u need to understand a tiny bit of what u made her feel for u to truly regret what uv done??? dont u think u havta be strong now and be a man and face up the consequences of ur actions???


O mankind! Verily, the Promise of Allaah is true. So let not this present life deceive you, and let not the chief deceiver (Satan) deceive you about Allaah [Faatir 35:5]
the lightest punishment of the hellfire is... al-Bukhaari reports from al-Nu'maan ibn Basheer who said:"I heard the Messenger of Allaah (saw) say, "The person who will have the least punishment among the people of Hell on the Day of Resurrection will be a man under the arch of whose feet will be placed a smouldering ember, and his brains will boil because of it." and thats the LEAST punishment ....seriously do u think that the physical punishments of this life are even comparable to the ones of the hereafter??

“Soon I will cast him into Hell Fire. And what will explain to you what is Hellfire? Nothing does it allow to endure, and nothing does it leave alone! Darkening and changing the color of man! Over it are nineteen (angels as keepers of Hell).” (Quran 74:26:30)

“And those in the Fire will say to the Guards of Hell, “Call upon your Lord to lighten for us the torment for a day!” (Quran 40:49)

“Surely, the disbelievers will be in the torment of Hell to abide therein forever. (The torment) will not be lightened for them, and they will be plunged into destruction with deep regrets, sorrows and in despair therein. We wronged them not, but they were the wrongdoers. And they will cry: ‘O Malik! Let your Lord make an end of us’ He will say: ‘Surely, you shall abide forever.’ Indeed We have brought the truth to you, but most of you have a hatred for the truth” (Quran 43:74-78)

how can u want hell...

when u feel u have no1, u have Allah swt, as long as your alive He has given u respite so that u may turn to Him and call upon Him and ask Him for help, maybe this is ur test and u need to seek Allah swt's help and repent to Him and turn ur whole focus to Him, cos if theres ANYONE thats gonna bring u outta ur misery its Him, she wont ever take u back unless its the will of Allah swt... so its HIM u have to please

And march forth in the way (which leads to) forgiveness from your Lord… [Aal ‘Imraan 3:133]

"And perform al-salaat (the prayer) at the two ends of the day and in some hours of the night. Verily, the good deeds remove the evil deeds…" [Hud 11:114]

make du'aa and ask Allah for help cos remba when u feel theres no1 in ur life... there's Him

And your Lord said, invoke Me and I will respond to your invocation” (Qur’an 40:60).

“Invoke your Lord with humility and in secrecy” (Qur’an 7:55).

“So invoke Allah making your worship pure for Him” (Qur’an 40:14)

"And whosoever fears Allah and keeps his duty to Him, He will make a way for him to get out (from every difficulty)." [al-Talaaq 65:2]

Surely, Allah's Mercy is [ever] near unto the good-doers [7:56]

And never give up hope of Allah's Mercy. Certainly no one despairs of Allah's Mercy, except the people who disbelieve. [12:87]

Verily, your Walî (Protector or Helper) is Allâh, His Messenger, and the believers, - those who perform As-Salât (Iqâmat-as-Salât), and give Zakât, and they bow down (submit themselves with obedience to Allâh in prayer). [5:55]

no matter what happens you've got to truly believe that that is the BEST thing for u, cos Allah swt ALWAYS does the best for a believer of His...

The Messenger of Allaah (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) said:

“How wonderful is the affair of the believer, for all of it is good, and that applies to no one except the believer. If something good happens to him he gives thanks, and that is good for him, and if something bad befalls him he bears it with patience, and that is good for him.” (Narrated by Muslim, 2999)

everything happens by His will... so ask of Allah swt

There is nothing like Him, and He is the All‑Hearer, the All‑Seer”
[al-Shoora 42:11]

He is the One who makes you laugh or cry. [53:43]

[dklaskdlakd]

i have never hit the kids...
and i know i have changed, i love her...

If Allah gives me the strength and i hope he does if this pain of separation continues i will take my own life.

as mentioned. yes i am a coward and i do need Allah's guidance.

but i dont know how i going to survive, i love my wife and i want her back. and to show her how sorry i am... i will take my life for all the pain i have given and by destroying her life (and my kids life)... but if this does continue, i wont be able to survive.

Please pray for out get to gether or may allah give me the strength to take my own live as i trully do deserve hell fire....

i will never find anyone again as i have a social phobia problem, and i am alway in tears when i see kids or other women or the mention of islam

I am Sorry.

oh so you were pretty well balanced mentally when you had her and could beat the life out of her.

but now that shes left you you want to commit suicide?

did anyone physically torture you? ever? if they did why dont you spill it out here, admit that you need help before you cry like the wolf "ive changed" because people who have really changed never need to announce anything.

your like a child whos throwing his toys out of the pram, your throwing knives around with your suicide talk. your only hurting your wife and kids more, well itll be a new kind of pain for them now, especially for your wife.

you are nothing to your kids and wife, if you take your life, theyll be even more scarred.

you need to get used to your slolitude, or youll never understand life.

now stop crying and get a hold of yourself, i swear if i had your company id wack some sense into you.

[Medievalist]

where';s my post gone? :scratch:

[Omar]

youve only realised now that you were wrong? You beat her for 6 years, She has every right to ask for a divorce. Those 6 years were her chance to you to change. Everytime she accepted you back then was your chance. What makes now different from the previous times?

Divorce isnt nice especially since kids are involved but it sounds like youve made your wifes life hell. And im surprised she isnt here askign for advice rather then you because surely you dont deserve any.

[Joha]

i have never hit the kids...
and i know i have changed, i love her...

If Allah gives me the strength and i hope he does if this pain of separation continues i will take my own life.

as mentioned. yes i am a coward and i do need Allah's guidance.

but i dont know how i going to survive, i love my wife and i want her back. and to show her how sorry i am... i will take my life for all the pain i have given and by destroying her life (and my kids life)... but if this does continue, i wont be able to survive.

Please pray for out get to gether or may allah give me the strength to take my own live as i trully do deserve hell fire....

i will never find anyone again as i have a social phobia problem, and i am alway in tears when i see kids or other women or the mention of islam

I am Sorry.

First and foremost - no dua will ever help you unless you sincerely and actively try and convince your in-laws and wife that you have changed. A dua isn't a magical cure if you're not prepared to stand up to your self.

So, before you do anything, before you try and win back your wife, go and apologise to her, unequivocally, and to her family. Then leave them alone - until you really have proved to yourself, and to them, that you have the will power to control your anger.

Secondly, if you sincerely have changed, then abandon the hope that they will come back. Frankly I'm aghast she put up with you for 6 years and didn't turn you over to the authorities. She must be a noble woman.

Busy yourself in other things - start reading the Qur'an, sincerely, it will provide all the comfort you need. It is a healing and a mercy for the believers. Try and forget them.

If you have changed, and Allah swt willing, they may come back to you. If they don't, consider it a punishment for your sins, and their absence an expiation for your evil actions, better in this life than in the hereafter, so have patience.

Finally, go and see a doctor if you're worried you may be becoming clinically depressed.

[imported_MMS]

i have never hit the kids...
and i know i have changed, i love her...

If Allah gives me the strength and i hope he does if this pain of separation continues i will take my own life.

as mentioned. yes i am a coward and i do need Allah's guidance.

but i dont know how i going to survive, i love my wife and i want her back. and to show her how sorry i am... i will take my life for all the pain i have given and by destroying her life (and my kids life)... but if this does continue, i wont be able to survive.

Please pray for out get to gether or may allah give me the strength to take my own live as i trully do deserve hell fire....

i will never find anyone again as i have a social phobia problem, and i am alway in tears when i see kids or other women or the mention of islam

I am Sorry.

it doesnt sound like you have yourself sorted at all, it seems you are thinking of you're own needs rather than what is best for you're wife and kids, maybe you should talk to her and tell her you need time and take some time apart to try and sort yourself out and think about the kids and you're wife and not yourself

if you really believe that you can change and make you're wife and kids happy ask her to give you some time, whilst living apart and sort yourself out, spend time in the company of the scholars and pious people and try strengthening your imaan and cleansing your nafs

[Baybars]

I really can't stand people like you, and somehow I'm supposed to call you a brother. It's typical of someone like you to be so whiny and pathetic now that your wife wants to leave. What a disgrace you are to the muslim male. Personally, I think the men in your family and you wife's family should get together and teach you proper lesson. I mean like a PROPER lesson.

How could you treat a woman this way, a muslim sister, your wife? You broke her nose on the first day of your honeymoon. You beat her mercilessly over six years. I wonder if your children got to see the other side of their father? For a child, there's nothing else in this world that compares to a mother. Do you honestly think that your children will grow up to respect and look up to you after seeing you beat their mother? I bet your wife can't stand the sight of you. That's terrible huh? To love someone and know that you've done something so bad to them that they don't even want to look at you anymore. That the mere sight of you makes them quiver. That just hearing your voice makes them shudder. That they're done with you, and there's nothing you can do to change the way they feel. Knowing full and well that you yourself brought about this change within them. Life's a B sometimes huh? Sometimes though, it's what we make it.

By allowing YOURSELF to seek Allah's light, you've changed? Really, you allowed yourself huh? As far as I'm concerned, men like you rarely ever change. She's better off without you, and so are your kids. If you do love her, which I don't believe, otherwise you would never beat her in the first place, then let her go and let her be happy with someone else; someone who will respect and cherish her. Maybe she can have a honeymoon without the fear of having to go to the ER for a broken bone the next day, and maybe your kids can grow up without living a life of fear.

[muhammed_1428]

I really don't know what to say to this man, I can't comprehend what she must have done to anger you enough to break her nose - on your honeymoon.

I really have a strong feeling this is a troll of some sort coming to lie and waste our time, but in case it isn't, here goes:

People deserve a second chance, and in some cases around the world have been given a third and fourth (e.g. Benazir Bhutto - but lets not change the subject of the thread...) - Need I remind you all of Umar (RA)'s acceptance of Islam?

In any case, religous or political history like this never seems to make any difference in these situations - particularly when solutions are revolved around strong culture...

Brother - you have made some serious, serious mistakes. You've acknowledged them, Inshallah, you've repented seriously, and have done everything you can to redeem yourself and will continue to do so for the sake of Allah SWT

The first thing I'd recommend, start giving a lot of sadaqa (charity), in private, don't come back here and tell us you've done it or tell anyone else you have, just do it according to whichever budget you have Inshallah.

Unfortunately for you bro, Du'as aren't coins, you can't just use them to get something you want, not to be patronising, but you need to let go of this notion before you grow impatient or start losing faith.

REMEMBER THIS: ANYTHING THAT HAPPENS IN YOUR LIFE HAS BEEN ORDAINED FOR YOU, YOU CAN EITHER ACCEPT IT, MOVE ON AND TRY CHANGE THINGS FOR THE BETTER, OR NOT ACCEPT IT AND PLUMMET INTO A LIFE YOU MAY END UP REGRETTING

i will never find anyone again as i have a social phobia problem, and i am alway in tears when i see kids or other women or the mention of islam

Not that I fall into tears or anything... But I previously had this sort of feeling myself whenever I saw a sister wearing a hijaab - this was because of a previous haraam relationship I've had in the past, May Allah forgive me.

You'll get through this sort of thing, I'm aware I may lose credibility because it looks like I'm defending you, but I'm not. Know that what you've done is very, very bad, and you should be very ashamed of yourself.

Don't start thinking its all gone down the drain, and that the drain has been cemented over or something... Inshallah, so long as you try, and appropriately try to get her back, you'll get her back, but only because Allah SWT wills it - if it doesn't work, there's no need to waste your future days because of it - you may only ask for forgiveness and for your heart to mend Inshallah, because it always eventually does (trust me, it always does).

So, is she living with you atm? Or has she gone to live with her parents? I assume she has taken the kids etc?

The only thing that may be going through her mind right now is that she just wants to hurt you back, and will therefore do whatever she can to do so... Of course this is only an assumption and doesn't invite another one of your pre-emptive strikes... (not that it would invite them if it were the case... Are you a regular street fighter or something? How did you find it so easy to start throwing hits?)

What you need to do is mediate and communicate - consistently. Fix yourself up, control your temper, maintain a dhikr (rememberance) of Allah SWT in your heart, and Inshallah that will leave you in peace. Think of everything she likes or loves, and then communicate to her accordingly. Write her a letter if need be, do whateevr you can to get the message across that you've changed (or at-;east that you will no longer be physically abusing her in the future and will control your temper in the future as well).

What's bad as well is, due to the length of time of this abuse (6 years), its not surprising that she'll always anticipate something from you, even if you were to raise your arms upwards whilst yawning or something... I really can't comprehend how much she has changed because of it... A honeymoon is usually a women's most dreamt of part after the wedding day itself, I doubt you breaking her nose was something she was looking forward to...

Also, you need to speak to her parents, her father especially, or whoever else was her wali at the ceremony Inshallah. You need to tell them, and actually show them how you have changed, go out for a coffee/lunch with them or something, to show that the way you may approach certain situations has changed, and therefore you have changed for the better Inshallah.

With regards to your anger, you need to pinpoint what it is that makes you angry all of a sudden and at what point you may get angry, so youknow when to stop it Inshallah. Lol, this is funny - I had this need to always punch the walls in my house because of anger (a friend of mine once joked that its because its the only thing that wouldnt hit me back!), my father used to get really annoyed and once said "look, I've had to work hard and pay a mortgage for this place, not so you can start making holes everywhere, stop it" - Of course, because I was very stubborn I never listened to him and continued, till' I realised what it was that made me angry, be it an argument with one of my sisters or my computer 'being gay' - and realised that there were times and still are time when people, even some who I know personally, have to put up with so much worse, and aren't going aroundf punching or hitting thigns... This is the behaviour of a little toddley who doesn't know any better, and so since then, I've changed (and not a single hole since!)

Once you've done what you can, if all else doesn't work, then it is something that has been ordained for you, and you've no choice but to deal with it. People leave Islam or belief in God in general sometimes because they've gone through a very traumatising experience, and I had known two particularly, former sisters, who have done so - one because she escaped a forced marriage (no not ayan hirsi ali lol :p), and the other because her toddler brother died or a disease, which again, I can't comprehend how she had felt, but it was enough to change her perspective of things completely... And at one point to call Islam "out of date" :S...

In any case - what you need to remember, is to maintain a good attitude, and a positive atttiude, to start trusting in Allah SWT, to start exhibiting the 5 pillars given to you, as if they were a guide you could not live without. Salaat, Sawm, Zakat (and general sadaqa), Hajj Inshallah, and most important of all - The Shahada/Kalima - testimony that you maintain your belief in one being worthy of worship and that Muhammed SAW was His final propht and Messenger - of which results in you following the other four pillars with better intentions, and to start educating yourself consistently on being a better Muslim.

All the best with it

[elji]

Man for six years youve been hitting her? Thats plenty of time to change.

And your shocked that she wants a divorce/? really dont be surprised at all if she dosent want to see you ever again!

[Loobna]

If you really love her - think about what will make her happy and what will make your kids happy. Its not about what you want now or what will make you feel better about yourself - its about her and the kids. They've been suffering with this situation for six years, do you honestly believe they will be able to be truly happy with you even if you changed?

[muhammed_1428]

I really don't know what to say to this man, and can't comprehend what his wife must have done to make him angry enough to break her nose - on her honeymoon...

I have a strong feeling this is just some troll coming here to lie and waste our time, but in case it isn't - here goes:

You need to mediate and communicate. Try and identify what it was that made you so angry and at what points you suddenly had surges in anger or temper... And then work to recitfy this.

Also, as well as making tawbah., you need to start maintaining dhikr of Allah SWT, this will definitely help, as well as giving sadaqa, as much as possible Inshallah, do whatever you can that youknow will be pleasing to Allah SWt, and continue making du'a, don't just repeat pre-made du'as you read on websites in a language you don't understand - reading phonetic english from arabic - no - speak how you feel in your heart, to Allah SWt - you're speaking to the all-knowing, whilst of course we're advised to speak in arabic, its also useful to know what you're saying, and therefore be able to get things off your chest more appropriately.

You need to speak to her parents, you need to meet up with them whenevr you can, and show them that you can approach certain situations differently. You need to try do things you may never have done before, not as in bribe her with flowers and dinner or anything, but just whatever you can do that youknow she'll like.

Of course... 6 years is an unbelievably long time to put up with this (reminds me of a film I saw last yr... Hmmm... This could very well be a troll :p), and so even if you were to do something like yawn and raise your hands she'd anticipate it the wrong way.

As well as this, and this is just an assumption, one of the reasons she may not want to listen is, well, because she no longer loves you, and could very well have started despising you and only wishing bad on you, due to the effect your treatment had on her emotions.

Everyone deserves a second chance, and in some cases around the world have been given three or four (e.g. Benazir Bhutto - although lets not change the subject), need I remind everyone of Umar (RA)'s conversion to Islam? Unfortunately, religous history rarely has an impact on people's opinions in these situations, particularly when the solutions are derived from cultural practices... (e.g. honour killing - one can only imagine who came up with that ridiculous idea).

In any case, you need to maintain positive contact with her and her parents. Its not enough to just say "i've changed, look, look how much I've changed?" When you're not showing them anything? What exactly have you done for them to make them see you've changed?

If need be, write her a letter, telling her everything about what you've done, how you feel, and how much you want her back.

Just remember, whatever happens as a result of this situation has been ordained for you, I know its easy to just type, but being someone who has gone through losing someone I loved (not in the same way as you no offence), I can definitely say it wasn't as hard as I thought it would be... And Alhamdulilah I'm 'back on my feet'.

[mashcaster]

Bro you seem very unstable. Please seek medical advice.

[Medievalist]

Why the heck are you people deleting my posts? ESPECIALLY WITHOUT INFORMING ME :torture:

In regards the bro:

Basically brother if you want your family back you're gonna have to employ wisdom. Beating the wife over inconsequential matters is really not on and Im pretty sure you've understood that now.

First off speak to your wife. Apologise to her, tell her what you're feeling and what you're willing to do to change. There's no point sayin Im sorry Im sorry if she's been hearing that for years. You're gonna have to show her that you are willing to change and what that means for you.

Admit your weaknesses to her, tell her you're willing to get counselling and other help necessary to change. Tell her how much you7 need her. If she wants time away from you then give her space. If she says she wants proof of a change in your attitude before she comes back then back off and get working on yourself.

One of my closests friends comes from an abusive household. It took them calling the police and getting a safehouse before their father changed but mashaALLAH he seems a lot better now :)

We all make mistakes, and sometimes it takes a major act like the Mrs leaving which drives the point home. Rememebr your wife is an amaanat for you from ALLAH Ta'ala. Undoubtedly she will at times aggravate you or be disrespectful but be the man and overlook her deficiencies. ALLAH Ta'ala made you, the man, the head for a reason - that you use wisdom and tact to keep your home running on the striaght and narrow. Be as a loving servant to your family - if your wife abuses you then swallow your justified anger keeping ALLAH inview. Dont think that she's my wife, who is she to speak to me like that, let her achieve her deeds, let you achieve yours. :up:

[Lambo5688]

You broke you wife's nose and beat her for SIX YEARS??

You don't deserve them at all. I hope your wife gets the divorce and leads a happy life without you.

[dhakiyya]

Why the heck are you people deleting my posts? ESPECIALLY WITHOUT INFORMING ME :torture:



your post wasn't deleted, it hadn't been approved. All posts here have to be approved by moderators and we dont' inform people if their posts are not approved. Its sometimes the case that another mod disagrees and comes and approves them later anyway.

I think the reason it wasn't approved before was one sentence that i have edited. If you want more discussion on this pls pm me. I won't be online inshaAllah until tomorrow so I can't reply inshaAllah until then.

[imeg.org]

In the Name of Allâh, the Most Gracious, the Most Merciful
As Salaam-u-Alaikum

bro i know you are feeling bad and want to change yourself and you want her back.

i would say, tell her you love her alot and your children.. and tell her you need one more chance, dont get back with me, but dont get divorce yet.. just let me prove you.. i have changed/changing, and tell her, if you feel the same after few months, then get divorce and dont be with me, until i prove you.. i have changed..

ok thats for her to wait on the divorce thing.

now you have to do loads of stuff bro, seriously starting with repentness (asking for forgiveness from Allah (swt) and your wife too). you need to make loads of changes in your life, i would recommand to go and spend time with brothers in the masjid, get close to Allah (swt) and i promise you bro, all your problems will go away, if you come close to Allah (swt) and you have to do many things to come close to Allah (swt).. its not jst verbally, but you have to do mentally and pychically too, like praying, reading quran, going out and spend time giving dawah, remember giving dawah helps you increse your own emaan and you can do with some brothers, who are already doing it.

you need to stop crying and get on it bro and insha'Allah if you pray 5 times a day and read quran and do zikr and dawah on daily basis, insha'Allah your wife will be very happy from you and so will be your kids.

see the thing is, you need to remove the illness from the root, not just from the branches, cause then it will grow again.. first remove your illness and then ask your wife to come back and insha'Allah she will never be sad from you again, well not from the things you been doing before and insha'Allah your kids will be happy too, after you remove the illness..

you can remove your illness by coming close to Allah (swt) and you will also find happiness init too.






Wa Salaam-Alaikum

[Pro_Candy]

It's not her problem that you have a phobia. It's your problem. It's your problem that you're also an abuser.

You can't have changed, or proved your change, in one week. You beat her for SIX years, dude. You want her to believe that after a whole week, you have changed? She took your abuse for 312 weeks!

I admire her strength to finally leave you. Many women are too scared to make such a move. Good for her.

Deal with your social problems on your own. Find a doctor, take some pills, whatever. But, let this woman breathe and enjoy her abuse-free life.

[PleaseHelp]

Thank You for your advice...

from reading all the replays here some answers...

my inlaws are in pakistan... my wife has 6 sisters and a mum, her brother and father died when my wife was very young may be 5 or 6 years old.

my inlaws and my wife wont speak to me... and have asked me to stop ringing

my wife and kids are living with my father... my whole family are here with me in the U.K

my Entire family are not talking to me and haven't since the 27th of december 2007 that when i was on my break from work and i found out she left... only my mum and dad will call once in about 1 day or 2 onwards

my wife wants me dead, she said go and take your own life if you want, i dont care... she wants to see me hurt and to surfer. and i dont blame her

from your advice's....

i will save money - walk 1 hour 30 minutes to work and back, stop smoking and wasting the heater bills
i will start being more cleaner
i will start to open my heart to allow and receive Allah's light and get more guidence from here and read the quran and read namaz
i will get a second job for the weekends
i will stop being scared of being attacked on the streets (if i do ill see it as a punisment for all the hurt i have given her)


my mind is totally... em... blank right now, i dont really know what else to say.

BUT Thank you very much for your help, and may allah bring more peace and happiness in your hearts....

i will update this thread to let you know of any progress, and i will register on this thread, as i would need a bit of advice on how to read namaz etc.

Seriously... you have helped alot! i wish i came on here sooner, i just hope the shataan does not mislead me.

ill be back and thank you, and i am sorry my brothers and sisters for what you just had to hear.

Peace.

[ummbilal]

i have never hit the kids...
and i know i have changed, i love her...

If Allah gives me the strength and i hope he does if this pain of separation continues i will take my own life.

as mentioned. yes i am a coward and i do need Allah's guidance.

but i dont know how i going to survive, i love my wife and i want her back. and to show her how sorry i am... i will take my life for all the pain i have given and by destroying her life (and my kids life)... but if this does continue, i wont be able to survive.

Please pray for out get to gether or may allah give me the strength to take my own live as i trully do deserve hell fire....

i will never find anyone again as i have a social phobia problem, and i am alway in tears when i see kids or other women or the mention of islam

I am Sorry.

Sounds like you've had a dose of humility, a little too late, you find yourself backed into a hole that only YOU have got yourself into, saying you'll take your own life is not the answer,

If you want to do something to prove you have changed, make tawba, sincerly and ask Allah to guide you, to put love and trust between u and your wife, and be prepared that your wife will not believe you, large gestures of you killing yourself etc.. are unislamic , I am sure you know this is Haram.

Read Quran and draw closer to Allah, the most i think you can hope for is to be in your childrens life as a father, as Allahu lam but it seems 6 years of your abuse has pused your wife to the limit.

Ask Allah to forgive you brother and inshaallah you will be ok with this test.

[Tranquillity]

Move on and let her do the same. You don't deserve her anymore but if you have changed, look for someone else in a manner that is open and honest about your past.
You should remember what you have done every day of your life to ensure that you never do anything like it again. That is part of repentance.

[Abu.Bakr]

I don't like what the guys done either, but serious;y; stop attacking him. He's here to seek the advice of his brothers and sisters, not to take a guilt trip. He is wasn't serious about changing, he wouldn't be here asking for naseeha

Besides we were commanded by the prophet salAllaahu 'alayhi wasallam to give sincere advice when asked (if we have the ability and knowledge). As for me, I've never been married so I can't give you any marriage tips. But I can tell you to use this time away from your wife to appreciate what Allaah has given you and spend your time bringing yourself closer to Him

wassalaamu alaikum wa rahmatullaah

[Tosh]

Bismillah Ar Rahman Ar Rahim,

Brother, May Allah forgive you and help you. May Allah forgive your wife and help her, and reward her immensely for her patience. Ameen.

You had a responsibility to maintain your household and look after the people in it. But you did not do this well. You have to change properly.

I think some action points:

1) Seek professional help, speak to a local Imam and counsellor.

2) If you end up meeting your wife, meet her with someone else there. Ask them to bring her a baseball bat. Then tell her that she can hit you as hard as she wants and where she wants as some small token of payback (which by no means will yet be equal). Don't carry the baseball bat yourself as this will be intimidating. If a bat is not available, let her choose.
(this is similar to when Umar RA wrongly punished someone and so asked them to hit him back as a way to seek Allah's forgiveness)

3) Make constant dua and remember Allah swt. Allah swt will give you what is best for you so you must be patient, whether your wife leaves you or whether she comes back to you. I would advise not to make a direct dua of asking for her back, but ask Allah swt to give you the best in this world and the next. In addition to this, make dua for your wife, that Allah gives her the best in this world and the next. Research for the best Dua's and make them.

4) Don't ask your wife to have you back. Leave this completely with her without forcing her or just simply annoying her with requests. Even if she concedes it would just be the same as every other time. Your key concern is your balance with Allah, and you really don't want to be in the Hell Fire, so ask only for your wife to forgive you. This is actually what in reality is most important for you.

5) Don't expect a quick fix, it won't necessarily be the best fix, especially as the damage was done over a long period. If you bear patiently as you were shown patience by your wife for the 6 years even though she knew the first incident, and Allah will give you only the best for you.

And Allahu Alim. Allah knows best in all matters.

[dhakiyya]

I think before trying to fix your relationship with your wife (which could well be beyond repair Allah alim) - you need to concentrate on fixing your relationship with Allah. That means sincere tawbah (repentance). Whether you fix things with your family or not, you don't want this on your account on judgement day. Sincere tawbah doesn't just mean praying for forgiveness (although of course thats an important part of it!) - it means making amends as much as you possibly can and also making a sincere effort to never commit that sin again. Those are the conditions for tawbah inshaAllah. If its impossible to make amends to your wife because she doesnt' want to see you, maybe you could donate a lot of charity to an organisation that helps victims of domestic violence, amongst other things. How you make amends is between you and Allah.

One thing I do most definitely recommend - and this I think is necessary for you to be able to really and truly leave this terrible behaviour in the past, is for you to get counselling from someone who is experienced and qualified in counselling perpetrators of domestic violence. Preferably a Muslim one if you can find one, but definitely a male counsellor. I don't think anger management will be enough in your case - I think your issues go a lot deeper than just a temper problem. For example this social phobia... and your fear of being attacked in the street (if its more than being aware of the danger and taking sensible precautions) ....... I think this stems from the same thing - maybe you were badly bullied in the past or something and rather than deal with it in a healthy way you've turned to bullying someone who is weaker than yourself. Sorry to be presumptuous but this pattern is very common. If that is the case, then you need to deal with all these issues, and when you do inshaAllah you can deal with both the social phobia and the violent bullying. Seriously I believe they are part of the same problem - sorry to be blunt but weak, afraid people (or those who think of themselves as weak and afraid even though they're actually not) can become bullies if the only way they can feel strong and in control is by terrorising someone else. By getting over all your issues including whatever has made you be like this in the first place - you can become inshaAllah a strong person (or feel that you are the strong person you are) who does not feel the need to oppress someone weaker than themselves.

Allah does not burden any soul beyond what they can cope with. InshaAllah brother you do have the strength to get through this and make these difficult and drastic changes in yourself inshaAllah, with Allah's help. As well as praying for forgiveness, pray for Allah's help in becoming a better and healthier person, who is among the righteous inshaAllah. You can change - I know some people say wife beaters never change - but thats not true *PROVIDED* they really and truly want to change and really and truly make all the necessary effort to properly and fully change inshaAllah.

Once you've really and truly changed inshaAllah (May Allah make you succeed at this ameen) then you can think about whether you can save your marriage. If you cant at least you will have gotten over your social phobia and violent tendancies and you'd have a chance inshaALlah to marry again and make it work this time inshaAllah.

[Medievalist]

I don't like what the guys done either, but serious;y; stop attacking him. He's here to seek the advice of his brothers and sisters, not to take a guilt trip. He is wasn't serious about changing, he wouldn't be here asking for naseeha

Besides we were commanded by the prophet salAllaahu 'alayhi wasallam to give sincere advice when asked (if we have the ability and knowledge). As for me, I've never been married so I can't give you any marriage tips. But I can tell you to use this time away from your wife to appreciate what Allaah has given you and spend your time bringing yourself closer to Him

wassalaamu alaikum wa rahmatullaah

well said bro. Back off the bro. If its a sister who's behaving badly people are all softness and stuff, when a bro does wrong y'all jump him. Back off!

And all this rubbish advice of divorce and she's better off without him - what are you people on? Tomorrow if someone advices your wives to ditch you then remember what you been advicing others wives.

[seven]

the guy beat his wife continously for 6 years!... the last thing he needs is people sympathising with him... peolple need to 'attack' him and get on his back so he realises the severity of his actions... but at the same time the advice should be constructive.

My advice for the bro is that if he is really sincere is to go in jamaat... at least for 6 weeks. the break will be good and beneficial inshaAllah.

[muslimah85]

:salams

It's good that you are aware that you're actions have been wrong and detrimental and it appears that you are experiencing remorse. My advice is to apologise to your wife and tell her that you realise you have problems and are willing to take whatever steps are necessary to rectify them - eg counselling.

In regards your wife - she is an amaanat/trust that ALLAH has entrusted to you. Undoubtedly at times she will be annoying or downright disrespectful and really aggravate you but keep ALLAH before you. Her behaviour to you is not even noteworthy - what you need to focus on is your duties to her. To provide adequately for her, to guide her to the correct choices in life, to help her in her moral/spiritual life. If physical chastisement is needed it should be done when a man is calm as in anger the motive of the chastisement is expression of anger and not rectification. As it appears you already have some laxity with your anger its is best to cross a physical chastisement off the list indefinitely and work to guide your wife and children with your words and encouragement.

Bro - women are deficient in intellect and we should take that into account when they err. As a man and as a husband and father its YOUR responsibility to deal with your wife and kids deficiency with wisdom. Further indeed you are the head of the household but the head/ameer of a group is always their servant. His role is to serve them and to lead them, not to force his own will/likes/dislikes on them.

May ALLAH Ta'ala put barakah in your marriage and put mutual love, affection and mercy between the two - ameen
enough said

[muslimah85]

:salams


Bro - women are deficient in intellect and we should take that into account when they err.
enough said

[sunrise]

I think before trying to fix your relationship with your wife (which could well be beyond repair Allah alim) - you need to concentrate on fixing your relationship with Allah. That means sincere tawbah (repentance). Whether you fix things with your family or not, you don't want this on your account on judgement day. Sincere tawbah doesn't just mean praying for forgiveness (although of course thats an important part of it!) - it means making amends as much as you possibly can and also making a sincere effort to never commit that sin again. Those are the conditions for tawbah inshaAllah. If its impossible to make amends to your wife because she doesnt' want to see you, maybe you could donate a lot of charity to an organisation that helps victims of domestic violence, amongst other things. How you make amends is between you and Allah.

One thing I do most definitely recommend - and this I think is necessary for you to be able to really and truly leave this terrible behaviour in the past, is for you to get counselling from someone who is experienced and qualified in counselling perpetrators of domestic violence. Preferably a Muslim one if you can find one, but definitely a male counsellor. I don't think anger management will be enough in your case - I think your issues go a lot deeper than just a temper problem. For example this social phobia... and your fear of being attacked in the street (if its more than being aware of the danger and taking sensible precautions) ....... I think this stems from the same thing - maybe you were badly bullied in the past or something and rather than deal with it in a healthy way you've turned to bullying someone who is weaker than yourself. Sorry to be presumptuous but this pattern is very common. If that is the case, then you need to deal with all these issues, and when you do inshaAllah you can deal with both the social phobia and the violent bullying. Seriously I believe they are part of the same problem - sorry to be blunt but weak, afraid people (or those who think of themselves as weak and afraid even though they're actually not) can become bullies if the only way they can feel strong and in control is by terrorising someone else. By getting over all your issues including whatever has made you be like this in the first place - you can become inshaAllah a strong person (or feel that you are the strong person you are) who does not feel the need to oppress someone weaker than themselves.

Allah does not burden any soul beyond what they can cope with. InshaAllah brother you do have the strength to get through this and make these difficult and drastic changes in yourself inshaAllah, with Allah's help. As well as praying for forgiveness, pray for Allah's help in becoming a better and healthier person, who is among the righteous inshaAllah. You can change - I know some people say wife beaters never change - but thats not true *PROVIDED* they really and truly want to change and really and truly make all the necessary effort to properly and fully change inshaAllah.

Once you've really and truly changed inshaAllah (May Allah make you succeed at this ameen) then you can think about whether you can save your marriage. If you cant at least you will have gotten over your social phobia and violent tendancies and you'd have a chance inshaALlah to marry again and make it work this time inshaAllah.

mashAllah excellent advise

i don't know how anyone could do this to another human being, it's immoral and well i'm sorry but all the horrible words to describe a person

key point sis Dhakiyya said, u need to fix your relationship with Allah swt! because we err when our relationship with him is starting to get shaky

u need his hidaya and help....

also with ur wife 'by u saying with ur mouth...ive chnaged' that wont help at all.. in fact it's most likely to aggravate her... you have to show her you have and mean it!!... people dont change in a day or two it takes timmme and i think you have to explain to her that it will take time.. it's up to her if she is willing to wait

like tosh said... u cant force her, you've done enough damage as it is

for the sake of your children, and that woman who you have made her life a misery seek sincere tawbah and stay away from evil actions, and pray she forgives u.... and never revert back to such callice actions and cowardice

may Allah swt forgive u and help u inshAllah

[Joha]

well said bro. Back off the bro. If its a sister who's behaving badly people are all softness and stuff, when a bro does wrong y'all jump him. Back off!

And all this rubbish advice of divorce and she's better off without him - what are you people on? Tomorrow if someone advices your wives to ditch you then remember what you been advicing others wives.

Behaving badly is not listening to him. Behaving badly is not eating when being told, behaving badly is not doing your homework.

What behaving badly isn't is breaking a nose, or beating your wife for 6 years.

And, let me get this straight, you're telling a guy who's beaten his wife regularly that women are the deficient ones. That has got to be ever so slightly ironic - in this case.

InshaAllah he will get over this, change for the better and become a better human being. It'll serve as an important life long lesson, and he will go on and perhaps marry somebody else, and be happy. What he shouldn't be counting on is saving this marriage at any cost, and now. The memories are just too sour, from both their perspectives, the bruises (I guess) too real for things to mend so soon.

[elji]

I don't like what the guys done either, but serious;y; stop attacking him. He's here to seek the advice of his brothers and sisters, not to take a guilt trip. He is wasn't serious about changing, he wouldn't be here asking for naseeha

Besides we were commanded by the prophet salAllaahu 'alayhi wasallam to give sincere advice when asked (if we have the ability and knowledge). As for me, I've never been married so I can't give you any marriage tips. But I can tell you to use this time away from your wife to appreciate what Allaah has given you and spend your time bringing yourself closer to Him

wassalaamu alaikum wa rahmatullaah

your very naive and have a lot to learn in life.

Sincere advice for him is to change. Since he's had six years to do that and has been unsuccessful then he should stay away from his wife and respect the fact that she dosent want to see him again. And also seek medical advise. Thats all the naseeha people can give.

A guilt trip is absolutely neccessary so the guy fully understands what he has done is unacceptable and wrong (haram)

[Ebony]

Women are deficient in knowledge - then the men who went to Aisha (ra), and who learnt off the women must all be passing on deficient knowledge too!

Fab. Just fab!

[RaNdOm]

Thank You for your advice...

from reading all the replays here some answers...

my inlaws are in pakistan... my wife has 6 sisters and a mum, her brother and father died when my wife was very young may be 5 or 6 years old.

my inlaws and my wife wont speak to me... and have asked me to stop ringing

my wife and kids are living with my father... my whole family are here with me in the U.K

my Entire family are not talking to me and haven't since the 27th of december 2007 that when i was on my break from work and i found out she left... only my mum and dad will call once in about 1 day or 2 onwards

my wife wants me dead, she said go and take your own life if you want, i dont care... she wants to see me hurt and to surfer. and i dont blame her

from your advice's....

i will save money - walk 1 hour 30 minutes to work and back, stop smoking and wasting the heater bills
i will start being more cleaner
i will start to open my heart to allow and receive Allah's light and get more guidence from here and read the quran and read namaz
i will get a second job for the weekends
i will stop being scared of being attacked on the streets (if i do ill see it as a punisment for all the hurt i have given her)


my mind is totally... em... blank right now, i dont really know what else to say.

BUT Thank you very much for your help, and may allah bring more peace and happiness in your hearts....

i will update this thread to let you know of any progress, and i will register on this thread, as i would need a bit of advice on how to read namaz etc.

Seriously... you have helped alot! i wish i came on here sooner, i just hope the shataan does not mislead me.

ill be back and thank you, and i am sorry my brothers and sisters for what you just had to hear.

Peace.

:salams

“Has not the time arrived for the believers to humble their hearts to the Remembrance of Allah and what He has sent down from the truth…?” [57:16]

i think shes scared to let u back in, cos u were menta be the 1 tht was sposed to take care of her... and after shes become so broken... and finally built up the strength to stay away from u... lettn u back in would be SO difficult, cos if she loves u then she def WANTS u to have changed, and shed love to believe it with all her heart but in case u havn't it'd tear her apart if it happened again... and maybe so mch so tht she wudnt have the strength to bear it again...

but u know im glad that ur not givin into it now, and inshaAllah tryin to change urself cos Allah swt said...

"Verily, Allah does not change the condition of a people until they change what is in themselves." [Ar-Ra`d, 11]

u know this time ur in now... its probably one of the most important times in ur life, that'll help determine where ur future will go and what it'll be... and dont even for a second think it'll be easy.... cos shaitaans gna be workin against ur motivation or determination the whole time, makin u fall back into ur old ways...

“Allaah will not leave the believers in the state in which you are now, until He distinguishes the wicked from the good” [Aal ‘Imraan 3:179]


everything ur goin through, everything thats happening to u, everything ur feeling...Allah just wants to see how u react to it all so that u have ur rightly deserved ending...so u gotta persevere and remain determined, not just now but ur whole life so that ur amongst the people of the good at ur end...

but as long as u seek Allah's guidance u can't go wrong inshaAllah...

As for those who strive hard in Us (Our Cause), We will surely guide them to Our paths [al-‘Ankaboot 29:69]

Whomever Allah guides, no one can misguide, and whomever Allah misguides, no one can guide.

“All the praises and thanks be to Allaah, Who has guided us to this, and never could we have found guidance, were it not that Allaah had guided us” [al-A’raaf 7:43].

you should thank Allah swt that He was merciful enough to guide u to a place where u could seek help and inshaAllah draw closer to Him, i think dhakiyya was 100% right when she said u need to sort ur relationship with Allah out... cos thts what this life is about....

O mankind! Verily, the Promise of Allaah is true. So let not this present life deceive you, and let not the chief deceiver (Satan) deceive you about Allaah [Faatir 35:5]


“Verily, the home of the Hereafter that is the life indeed (i.e. the eternal life that will never end), if they but knew”[al-‘Ankaboot 29:64]


ur probably gonna be pushed really low, to the point tht u mite even think tht when will all this pain go, but u gotta know that ALL of it was predestined by Allah swt, He knows EXACTLY what ur goin through, what u have gone through and what u will go through....

Eyesight cannot perceive Him, but He perceives eyesight. He is the All-Penetrating, the All-Aware. (Surat al-An‘am, 6:103)


No calamity befalls, but by the Leave [i.e. Decision and Qadar (Divine Preordainments of Allah, and whosoever believes in Allah, He guides his heart [al-Taghaabun 64:11]

but u just gotta remba tht no matter HOW low u get u gotta keep ur trust in Him, cos He is the Most Merciful, the Forgiving...



“And whatever of misfortune befalls you, it is because of what your hands have earned. And He pardons much” [al-Shoora 42:30]


each time u feel like things are gettin hard, think of ur wife and her pain, and then make duah for her, and then make duah that Allah swt may forgive u...like u just read anything bad that happens to u is cosa what u brought on urself... bt dont forget that Allah swt is always there and as long as u keep ur duty to Him and make sure you're pleasing Him, then inshaAllah He will forgive u...

And march forth in the way (which leads to) forgiveness from your Lord… [Aal ‘Imraan 3:133]


... I am Ever-Forgiving to anyone who repents, has faith, acts rightly, and then is guided. (Surah Ta Ha, 20:82)
But to those who do evil in ignorance and then, after that, repent and put things right, to them your Lord is Ever-Forgiving, Most Merciful. (Surat an-Nahl, 16:119)

even i really really really hope that ul stick by what u said and it'll work out for u, but just dont hope to quicken the results, cos its up to Allah swt when He decides to show u His Mercy...


Only those who are patient shall receive their reward in full, without reckoning [al-Zumar 39:10]


and u know praying is SO SO SO SO SO important... and inshaAllah i hope from now on u will never ever miss a prayer again, this is ur chance from Allah swt to redeem urself, and create a relationship with Him that is incomparable to any other... i SO hope that ul take it, Allah swt is callin u to His path... and its up to u to make sure u stay on it and dont wander off... u know Islam has an answer for ALL ur problems... and everytime u stand up to pray ur turning to Allah swt and asking Him of His help... everytime u read surah Al-Fatiha in ur prayer...

The Opening - Al-Fatiha

1:1 In the name of God, the Most Gracious, the Most Merciful:
Bismillāhi r-raḥmāni r-raḥīm
1:2 Praise be to God, the Lord of the Universe.
Al ḥamdu lillāhi rabbi l-'ālamīn
1:3 The Most Gracious, the Most Merciful.
Ar raḥmāni r-raḥīm
1:4 King of the Day of Judgement.
Maliki yawmi d-din
1:5 You alone we worship, and You alone we ask for help
Iyyāka na'budu wa iyyāka nasta'īn
1:6Guide us to the straight way;
Ihdinā ṣ-ṣirāṭ al mustaqim
1:7 The way of those whom you have blessed, not of those who have deserved anger, nor of those who stray.
Ṣirāṭ al-laḏīna an'amta 'alayhim ġayril maġḍūbi 'alayhim walāḍ ḍāllīn

The prophet (saw) said:

"Allah the exalted has said:

"I have divided the prayer into two halves; between me and my servant. So my servant will receive what he asks for.
When the servant says: 'Praise be to Allah, the lord of the universe,'
Allah the most high says: 'My servant has praised me.'
And when he (the servant) says: 'The most compassionate, the most merciful'
Allah the most high says: 'My servant has lauded me.'
When he (the servant) says: 'Master of the day of judgement,'
He remarks: 'My servant has glorified me' and sometimes He will say: 'My servant has entrusted his affairs to me.'
When he (the servant) says: 'you do we worship and of you do we ask help,' He (Allah) says: 'This is between me and my servant, and my servant will receive what he asks for.'
Then, when he (the worshipper) says: 'Guide us to the straight path, the path of those to whom you have been gracious-not of those who have incurred your displeasure, nor of those who have gone astray,'
He (Allah) says: 'This is for my servant, and my servant will receive what he asks for.' [Sahih Muslim] (thx jihaan)

remember Allah and He will remember you...


“While as for those who accept guidance, He increases their guidance and bestows on them their piety”[Muhammad 47:17]

“Whoever works righteousness — whether male or female — while he (or she) is a true believer (of Islamic Monotheism) verily, to him We will give a good life (in this world with respect, contentment and lawful provision), and We shall pay them certainly a reward in proportion to the best of what they used to do (i.e. Paradise in the Hereafter)” [al-Nahl 16:97]


“O you who believe! Keep your duty to Allaah and fear Him, and speak (always) the truth. He will direct you to do righteous good deeds and will forgive you your sins. And whosoever obeys Allaah and His Messenger, he has indeed achieved a great achievement (i.e., he will be saved from the Hell-fire and made to enter Paradise).” [Quran - al-Ahzaab 33:70-71]

try and read the Quran as much as possible too, with the translation... cos

“And We send down from the Qur’aan that which is a healing and a mercy to those who believe…” [Quran - al-Isra’ 17:82].

“ … Allaah sets forth parables for mankind in order that they may remember” [Quran - Ibraaheem 14:25] and

“… Such are the parables which We put forward to mankind that they may reflect.” [Quran - al-Hashr 59:21].

when u sit and contemplate on all the ayahs of the Quran, it'll bring ease to ur heart "...Verily, in the remembrance of Allaah do hearts find rest." [Quran - al-Ra'd 13:28] and help u see things much much more clearly inshaAllah, it's a source of comfort, a guidance and a reminder for us all


we know that our hearts are fickle cos


“The likeness of the heart is that of a feather in an empty plot of land, being blown over and over by the wind.” (Reported by Ibn Abi ‘Aasim in Kitaab al-Sunnah. No. 227. Its isnaad is saheeh, see Zilaal al-Jannah fi Takhreej al-Sunnah by al-Albaani, 1/102).

“The heart of the son of Adam changes more quickly than a pan of rapidly boiling water.” (Ibid., no. 226. Its isnaad is saheeh: Zilaal al-Jannah, 1/102)

n the prophet :saw: said

“The hearts of the children of Adam are as one between the fingers of the Most Merciful, and He turns them in whatever way He wills.” Then he said: “O Allaah, Controller of the hearts, direct our hearts to obey You.” (Reported by Muslim, no. 2654).



but i really really really hope that u wont be led astray and that inshaAllah ur relationship with Allah swt will become really strong



And if Allah touches you with harm, none can remove it but He, and if He touches you with good, then He is Able to do all things. [6:17] :love:


just remember no matter WHAT happens... ALWAYS have a good opinion of ur Lord inshaAllah, and know that He is the Most Just and whatever happens is best for u and for her and for all the believers... cos Allah swt says



"I am as My servant thinks I am. I am with him when he makes mention of Me. If he makes mention of Me to himself, I make mention of him to Myself. And if he makes mention of Me in an assembly, I make mention of him in an assembly better than it. And if he draws near to Me a hand's span, I draw near to him an arm's length. And if he draws near to Me an arm's length, I draw near to him a fathom's length. And if he comes to Me walking, I go to him at speed." (Hadith Qudsi: Bukhari, Muslim, Tirmidhi, Ibn Majah)


so always always think good of Him... and know that u take those steps towards Allah swt and surely He will help u, just dont give up!


i seriously hope u realise the weight of the chance uve been given and take it with both hands and never let go inshaAllah

And hold fast, all together, by the Rope which Allah (stretches out for you); And be not divided among yourselves...] [Surat al-Imran:103]

[Tosh]

Bro, there is some beautiful advice here.

It is clear that you have an idea that you have done something wrong. Hopefully, by now you should know it.

If you are to take positive action on this, you should know that it will be difficult, but it is very important to clarify your intentions. Words are only words, as is our advice which can be simple to give, but your actions are the most important.

InshaAllah we have all learnt something from this real life situation. We should take the good from what we have discovered here, whether it be a resolution to never go this far, or simply a resolution to improve relationships within ones own family.

This du'a is for all of us, because although we may not have taken it to the extent this brother has, perhaps we have all done a family member wrong, and we need to understand this when giving advice:

May Allah guide all the Muslims to treating our families with respect and to be grateful for the blessings that Allah has given us through them. I ask Allah to make us good advisers, that he guide us to the best of actions, and not allow us to become distant from Him. Ameen.

Allahu Alim. Allah knows best.

[Pro_Candy]

well said bro. Back off the bro. If its a sister who's behaving badly people are all softness and stuff, when a bro does wrong y'all jump him. Back off!

And all this rubbish advice of divorce and she's better off without him - what are you people on? Tomorrow if someone advices your wives to ditch you then remember what you been advicing others wives.

That's a load of crap. When women are 'behaving badly' men are told to put them in their places. When men are 'behaving badly', women are told to 'have patience, sister!'

This woman stood up for herself. Good for her. And this 'brother' needs to know that he CAN NOT treat women like this! What if he has a daughter? Will he stand by and watch his daughter being beaten by her husband?

And yeah, if a woman is being beaten, I WOULD advise her to ditch the jerk. No one deserves such treatment.

He broke her nose on their honeymoon! And she had patience for SIX years after that!

May Allah bless this woman with a husband who will treat her with respect and kindness, and love her and her children dearly.

[sfsfsdgfdgs]

now your talking some sense, but you still havent changed, and you need to accept that your not going to ever get back with her, you need to accept that your family might have disowned you. dont feel sorry for yourself, you have acted in the worst way possible.

keep updating this thread, cause you need some therapy and some help. you need to change, before you ever think of getting married again.

because physically harming someone just because they are you companioins your wife, is perverted to say the least, could you ever also deny that at one point you might have raped her too? you see how bad it sounds.

dont blame the satan whatever you do, youl become so passively in denial. its all your fault no one elses. if something from the past, something that happened to you is affecting the way you behave now, well........your a grown human, you have a brain. you make your choices. you make your own bed of nails and you alone are responsible for this.

join a help group, there are groups for you people out there. youve crossed a line somewhere, and all your family has turned its back on you, which is just typical of muslim famalies, if anything they should continue to teach you a lesson of life. even if it meant to slap some sense into you.

whereas you only can go on the self distruct route. if you dont help yourself, then no ones going to help you, get some anger management. no one is going to pity you. because you acted in a demeaning way to a fellow human being. you abused them violently, and no society would pity you. its only you know....just you

dont just get a job, stop being lazy, and get used to single life....thats just life, get some bloody help!!! you need it, dont be dumb and think you can fix it alone, you cant!

you cant address anything in your head, if for so long you have acted in such a inhuman manner. compare yourself to a dog, now dont bark.......get some real help, and change.


Thank You for your advice...

from reading all the replays here some answers...

my inlaws are in pakistan... my wife has 6 sisters and a mum, her brother and father died when my wife was very young may be 5 or 6 years old.

my inlaws and my wife wont speak to me... and have asked me to stop ringing

my wife and kids are living with my father... my whole family are here with me in the U.K

my Entire family are not talking to me and haven't since the 27th of december 2007 that when i was on my break from work and i found out she left... only my mum and dad will call once in about 1 day or 2 onwards

my wife wants me dead, she said go and take your own life if you want, i dont care... she wants to see me hurt and to surfer. and i dont blame her

from your advice's....

i will save money - walk 1 hour 30 minutes to work and back, stop smoking and wasting the heater bills
i will start being more cleaner
i will start to open my heart to allow and receive Allah's light and get more guidence from here and read the quran and read namaz
i will get a second job for the weekends
i will stop being scared of being attacked on the streets (if i do ill see it as a punisment for all the hurt i have given her)


my mind is totally... em... blank right now, i dont really know what else to say.

BUT Thank you very much for your help, and may allah bring more peace and happiness in your hearts....

i will update this thread to let you know of any progress, and i will register on this thread, as i would need a bit of advice on how to read namaz etc.

Seriously... you have helped alot! i wish i came on here sooner, i just hope the shataan does not mislead me.

ill be back and thank you, and i am sorry my brothers and sisters for what you just had to hear.

Peace.

[kjlvklncsa]

well said bro. Back off the bro. If its a sister who's behaving badly people are all softness and stuff, when a bro does wrong y'all jump him. Back off!

And all this rubbish advice of divorce and she's better off without him - what are you people on? Tomorrow if someone advices your wives to ditch you then remember what you been advicing others wives.your very immature. the first sentence has no substance except the micmikry of a childs complaint.

and the second statement is also void from the actual context of the first post.

wife beating after six years deserves advice of divorce, Islam allows divorce for smaller things then that, i.e. lack of sexual activity.

the fact that you had to say, if someone advised your wife to divorce etc. well. do you condone wife beating? i mean if you read between the lines you inevitably are.

to give advice "leave your husband divorce him" its nothing new, its no new conecption, and people are entitled to say what they want.

If you ask me, in unjust muslim countries women get jailed for the charge of rape, poor people who steal get hier hands chopped off, and wife beaters like the poster should be treated as such.

but i dont condone such behaviour, to treat this man he needs help and theraphy, otherwise hell be given the chance to marry again and beat his wife once more.

in an ideal world he would be in jail, but women in general are complicated beings. most often in most cases thier abusers, almost always family, never reach jail.

[Stylish-Girly]

i wouldnt blame her for not ever wantin to come back to you, surprisin she stuck wit you for 6 years

i wonder if peope really do change? i've never seen it sadly

[abdellah001]

salam

u broke her nose?! :lailah:
men like you dont deserve to be classed as men.

u need repent ur ways, and see wat happens then. fear Allah.

[1 Level]

i tried my utmost to refrain myself from posting on this thread is i feel very passionately about ppl whom hit there wives for whatever reason but here goes anyway,

Brother if you chopped both your hands off and showed your wife what you had done maybe just maybe she will take you back as then you have no way of striking her directly with your deadliest weapons,

you are a coward first and foremost men like you do not ever change but always seem to convince themselves that they have until the next episode of a beating and then you wallow in tears to show how sorry you are but deep down you know it will happen again,

no form of counselling will rehabilitate your weaknesses i make dua that you change your ways BUT concerning your marriage i make dua for the sake of your childrens future that your wife takes you back BUT men like you make me so angry it really gets under my skin i wonder how you would feel if the tables were turned,

get that axe ready lay out your hands infront of you and you know the rest...


forgive me if this is harsh but you deserve it.

[Z-Blade]

aslam wa alakum brothers and sisters...

i have 2 little girls, a1 year old and a 2 and half year old
my wife is 6 years younger then me... i love her to bits and i love my kids to bits.


we have been married for 6 years and i am Ashamed to say this but i have hit her and broke her nose on the first day of our huneymoon after being married for just a week.. since then for 6 years i have been hitting her with 2-3 weeks gap the most.

and now she wants a divorse, she has asked for this many times by involving our familys and now she is very serious... she wont even talk to me and is determined that she wants to have a divorce full stop... its been nearly a week now...

and i have seriously SERIOUSLY changed... I have changed and i want my wife and kids back.

but no one believes that i have changed as this is always ongoing with me... BUT i have changed now, by allowing myself to seek allahs light.

I need your help... PLEASE, Please help me... i want my family back.

is there a dua i can read or something...

please help me here...

:wswrwb:,

Read this thread:

'Don't get Angry': A Little Fiqh of Anger & Acquiring Good Character
http://www.ummah.com/forum/showthread.php?p=2342083#post2342083

Including the link at the bottom of the first post!

An extract:

1. Turn to Allah, and seeking refuge in Allah, from Satan.

When a man got angry in front of the Prophet (Allah bless him & give him peace), he told his companions, “I know some words that would make his anger leave, if he said them. They are, A`udhubillahi min al-shaytan (‘I seek refuge in Allah from Satan’). [Bukhari] Imam Mawardi said in Adab al-Dunya wa al-Din that one should remember Allah when angry, for this leads to fear of Allah, which directs him to obey Him and restrain one’s anger by returning to proper manners. Allah Most High said, “And remember Allah when you are heedless.” [Qur’an, 18: 24]

Turn to Allah in supplication, in order to control one’s anger. One should turn to Allah with one’s heart and tongue, asking him to rid one of anger, and all other lowly traits. If you can do this using the supplications of the Beloved of Allah (Allah bless him & give him peace), it is even more beloved to Allah. `A’isha (Allah be pleased with her) reports that, “The Prophet entered while she was angry. So he rubbed the tip of my nose and said, ‘My little `A’isha. Say, ‘O Allah, forgive my sin, remove the anger in my heart, and protect me from Satan.’ (Allahumma’ Ghfirli dhanbi, wa adhhib ghaydha qalbi, wa aajirni min ash-shaytan)” Tariqa al-Muhammadiyya]

{ اللَّهُمَّ اغْفِرْ لِي ذَنْبِي وَأَذْهِبْ غَيْظَ قَلْبِي وَآجِرْنِي مِنْ الشَّيْطَانِ }

Wassalam.

[afsalim]

Brother, you have been torturing her for a long time. She has proven herself to be a good person by putting up with this for so long. Talk to her and her relatives and apologize. If she still does not want you back, then there is nothing to do. You can't force or make anyone love you. But if you truly love her, let her go and have a good life of her own.

[salsabeela]

assalamu alaikum,

im not being rude or judgemental but i know a sister in this situation. akhee, the man always says he has changed and that he is sorry. then there is a good period and before the end of the month he has given her a slap again and then it goes on... WALLAHI its not funny and men who do that are cowards. would you do that to a brother who was bigger and taller? or even the same size as you??? opportunist bullying is what that's called.

you need to make tawbah NOW. but i dont blame her at all if she still wants a divorce, she doesnt wanna die at your hands and leave her kids with memories of how daddy used to kick and punch mummy and now shes dead :crying2: and daddy is in prison. hmm akhee u better think long and hard. and maybe when the kids get bigger you will start with them, seen as you have anger management issues

May Allah ta'aala forgive us and have mercy on us, Ameen! may He ta'aala guide us and give us the tawfeeq to practice that which we know to be right with sincerity in our hearts. Ameen!

wasalamu alaikum

:lailah:

[PleaseHelp]

I think she might be giving me a chance...

i will look after this family this time by bringing Islam into the house, inshalla.

Thank you for all your comments... every single word on this thread that i have started has helped, thank you everyone, Please pray for our re-union.

Peace.

[afsalim]

I think she might be giving me a chance...

i will look after this family this time by bringing Islam into the house, inshalla.

Thank you for all your comments... every single word on this thread that i have started has helped, thank you everyone, Please pray for our re-union.

Peace.

MashAllah! Your wife is a wonderful person at heart. Just try to treat her with love and respect from now on. All the best brother.

[Pro_Candy]

I think she might be giving me a chance...

i will look after this family this time by bringing Islam into the house, inshalla.

Thank you for all your comments... every single word on this thread that i have started has helped, thank you everyone, Please pray for our re-union.

Peace.

Gotta be honest, I hope she thinks twice before taking you back so soon. You need some time to suffer and wonder. You took 6 years from her, she probably has no self esteem and is afraid of what will happen to her and her kids if she divorces you. I hope she can stay strong until you can prove yourself. And maybe in the mean time, she will find someone deserving of her patience and love.

You'll be a lucky man if she can forgive you for beating the hell out of her, scarring her and her children.

[PleaseHelp]

I think she might be giving me a chance...

i will look after this family this time by bringing Islam into the house, inshalla.

Thank you for all your comments... every single word on this thread that i have started has helped, thank you everyone, Please pray for our re-union.

Peace.

i have started* <--- :(
Sorry i meant
i have Read* <--- :)


MashAllah! Your wife is a wonderful person at heart. Just try to treat her with love and respect from now on. All the best brother.

Thank You and i will start looking after everyone by bringing fear of Allah in my heart the respect and peace of Islam in the whole to the family...

we going to get back and there just this waiting period... she may take a few days before she comes back, which i can understand... :lailah:


I have a question... i have started reading the Quran in English (my wife has taken the Arabic one). and i have started reading Namaz and watching islamic TV (Sky Ch. 823).... But as i was saying i need you help...

Thou i am reading namaz.... I CANT READ NAMAZ :((

i need some advice...

1) where can i find an audio of a full namaz so i can listen and pray (obviously learn at the same time)

or

2) where can i find on a other website or on here a written guide on how to read namaz.

May Allah Give the strength to us weak people to fear Him and stay on the righteous path
Ameen

Thank You
Peace.

[dhakiyya]

copied and pasted from a post by a brother in the new Muslims forum:

Prayer For Beginners.

With sound - http://english.islamway.com/prayer/BegSound.htm

Without sound - http://english.islamway.com/prayer/BegNoSound.htm


Advanced Prayer.

With sound - http://english.islamway.com/prayer/AdvSound.htm

Without sound - http://english.islamway.com/prayer/AdvNoSound.htm

[Tosh]

Those look like decent links...

I would advise, if possible, you go down to your local masjid. Try to talk directly to the Imam and ask to learn specific things, I am sure he would love to help. If other people know your situation, and make comments, just ignore them because this is between you and Allah swt.

Its not easy, and these audio files should help, but if you can manage to do this, it will make it easier than trying to learn from audio. But no doubt, it is definitely a good start, and May Allah help you to become strong in Imaan and raise your position through obeying His commands, and same for us all. Ameen.

[Tahiyah]

maybe if u begin taking anger management courses/classes, and get serious psychiatric help and help from your imaam as well, you wife may talk to you and allow you to visit with your children

your wife and children should not be left alone with you, you must realize you are a danger to them. these visits should be supervised. your rage is an illness that causes pain to others.

just because you want her back doesnt mean your ready to be a proper husband/father. you have serious issues, if you really love them, get help, real help. you didnt get like this overnite and your not going to be cured overnite either.

may Allah cure you and heal your loved ones as well..

[Chained_Water]

Women are deficient in knowledge - then the men who went to Aisha (ra), and who learnt off the women must all be passing on deficient knowledge too!

Fab. Just fab!
On this matter brothers like to twist things for some reason unbeknowst to us, though I would speculate that it is a male ego thing, probably makes them feel big to think we are deficient in intellect n comparison to them.

They seem to forget the prophet(saw) said we are deficient in respect of TWO specific points, one religious and one in terms of intellect: not being able to pray salah during menstruation, the witness of two women equaling one man in some legal cases [not all].

Perhaps brothers ought to note, these are points of fiqh and legislation, not anything more. In those two scenarios our work or word amounts to being deficient or less than that of the mans.

Does the fact we can't pray salah during menstruation mean that women are inherently less righetous/pious/close to God though?

So does the fact our testimony is half of a mans equte to us being inherently less intelligent?

Men :rolleyes:

[Te'oma]

On a personal note, I grew up in a home with an abusive father figure(my stepfather) If you ever want to have a relationship with your kids, please get the help that you need and don't ever allow yourself to lose control again or they may very well come to despise you the way that I and my siblings despised him.
IMHO any man that beats a woman has forfeited his right to call himself a man because he's acting like a six year old schoolyard bully that is trying to get his way.

[Love&Peace]

Hi Please Help,
are you currently based in UK?
Then I can suggest you a website:

http://www.respect.uk.net/pages/male_perpetrators.html

I wish you all the best and hope you will protect/respect your wife in future instead of behaving the other way round.

[dhakiyya]

Hi Please Help,
are you currently based in UK?
Then I can suggest you a website:

http://www.respect.uk.net/pages/male_perpetrators.html

I wish you all the best and hope you will protect/respect your wife in future instead of behaving the other way round.

:up: mashaAllah good site

[Unregistered123]

You need professional help. Its not a good idea for her to even be in the same room as you. You think you have changed because now she has left you.

[summer786]

Even if she does want to come back to you or not, you need to take some time out from the marriage and clear your head. She did the right thing, once you finally believed she was leaving you, you changed in one week!

More time apart can only do you good. She has the upper hand now, let her know that you respect that and that you're willing to do anything she wants, if you can't do that, then maybe you're not really sorry.

And if you've really changed you'll understand if she does want to leave you, and not force or threaten her to get back to you.

you also owe a lot to your kids. whatever happens don't let them see any violence....esp if theyre young...this kinda thing scars them for life :(

[Liberationfront]

salaam bro thers a time to talk and a time to act ,its your time to act show her youve changed ,talk to her about your problems and why you did the things you did,and ask for help inshallalh i hope you the best

[tvf501]

first of all why did you beat her ,was it because of something she did or something else that you were angry at and you took it out on her ,well taking your own life im sure you would be in a worser situation in hell fire for that .dont just jump the gun here ,this has to be assesed in steps i do believe people can change .and sometimes yes you just wake up one morning and say right thats it and other times it really does take time ,.allah is great ,he is capable of all things
there was once a sahaba in a battle when he came across a kafer disbeliever then at the last minute before the sahabe was going to kill him he said ash hadu anla ilaha illallah yes he took his shahada .but the sahaba said you just say this so i dont kill you ,and still he killed him,.when this was later related back to mohammed salalahu alaihi wa salam the prophet was very upset with this saahaba he said salalahu alaihi wa salam 'you killed this man just as he said shahada ,the sahaba replied yes i did kill him because he only said hes shahada because he wanted to live and he did not want me to kill him.mohammed salalahu alaihi wa salam said only allah he knows the hearts of the people and the intentions of the people .allahu akbar so you can change and you have to talk to yourself before shaytaan does and tell yourself yes i can do this ,but at the same time my brother in islam there was one thing that you said that caught my attention,you said oh i need some dua for allah to bring us back together you do not need this dua at this time ,you need to ask allah and make dua for allah to clean your heart ,to increase your iman .to make you a person of taqwa of dignity mohammed salalahu alaihi wa salam was our example and is how great he is in his character in his morals adab ,hayyah,ikhlak. praye to allah for forgivennes because if you have truely change you will want to seek allah's pleasure before your wifes.praye to allah ask him to make your heart soft pray to allah ask him to give you more knowledge of quraan and more wisdom in your dealing and affairs ,ask him to give you the feeling and strength to pick up a book or biography of mohammed salalahu alaihi wa salam and learn about your prophet and his teachings turn to allah and ask him not to turn you to your wife but to your religion to bring the light to your heart allah is great .