View Full Version : tell me what do i do!
angry sister
24-12-07, 07:31 PM
assalamu alaikum,
im actually a member on this forum, but im embarrassed for myself and my family which is why im posting anonymously.
we are muslims alhamduliLLAH, so why do my family feel the need to celebrate xmas? i was told to make fried rice coz my cousin and his girlfriend (yes girlfriend) may come round 2moro. i cant believe after all these years and seeing that now im practising im still being asked that kind of rubbish. i was actually told to make it 2moro but i made it 2day as act of defiance, but i hate being put in that position WALLAHI! even if u dnt give a damn y make me prepare food for a kuffar festival. but unless i have another place to live i had to do it.
subhanAllah im so angry i feel like crying, firstly coz of d blatant flouting of Allah's law. then secondly putting me in sin.
muhammed_1428
24-12-07, 08:10 PM
Sis don't let these sort of things get to you too much, end of the day if you feel there's something wrong with what's going on around you, reacting to these wrong things with anger will just bring back more anger and more defiance...
For example, with me - my family are pretty secular... I'm sometimes viewed as the 'wahaabi' of the family... But I take it as a joke, and rather than distancing myself from everyone I stay with my family, and, Alhamdulilah, have then been able to tell my younger sister for example stories of the Nebhi Muhammed SAW... (My younger sis wears hijaab).
My Father is quite secular, he puts out christmas lights on the front window every year, why? He just likes it I guess... Honstly... to me they're just lights... I'm not going to judge my own father of commiting kufr, a Man who has done both Umrah and Hajj, and has raised me and four other kids to who we are today...
I think you need to just coooool it Inshallah. Just pray, Inshallah, you'll feel your Eemaan rising again, to the extent that no matter what goes on in your family you may disapprove of you'll approach it much more calmly and collectively, with a more open mind Inshallah - and that is the best day to deal with Inshallah.
With regards to your cousin and his 'girlfriend', well, if it really bothers you just sit at the other side of the table lol! Don't suddenly show animosity towards family members over disagreements... Wouldn't you rather be able to give your cousin some dahwa rather than just annoy him at your opinion of his 'girlfriend'?
Pray, make Du'a for yourself and your family, Allah SWT is the best of planners, please don't let trivial family issues get you angry, it really isn't worth it - trust me I've been there.
Salaamu Alaykum
Dear sis: Christmas is just an holiday not a religious thing anymore. Cooking for anyone is not unislamic speciall some1 will come in to your house. Please relax and cook and do invite me if possible:) then we will give them dauvah and convert them IA :torture:
Making dinner for your cousin (and his gf) is like celebrating Xmas how? Surely its the norm to feed your guests when they come to your home? So they choose to pop round on the 25th - does that automatically mean its because they celebrate Xmas and thats why they are coming?
The bit about the gf though is definitely :-/
Medievalist
25-12-07, 01:57 AM
Chill out, sistAA.
My family make roast and that on xmas day. We dont celebrate xmas or anything but its only cos everyones at home and we dont have anything to do so my mum just makes a nice meal.
It may count as celebrating xmas, ALLAH knows best, but I dont make any intention for it - its just rizq thats been prepared and I eat it cos its there (typical) :D
assalamu alaikum,
im actually a member on this forum, but im embarrassed for myself and my family which is why im posting anonymously.
we are muslims alhamduliLLAH, so why do my family feel the need to celebrate xmas? i was told to make fried rice coz my cousin and his girlfriend (yes girlfriend) may come round 2moro. i cant believe after all these years and seeing that now im practising im still being asked that kind of rubbish. i was actually told to make it 2moro but i made it 2day as act of defiance, but i hate being put in that position WALLAHI! even if u dnt give a damn y make me prepare food for a kuffar festival. but unless i have another place to live i had to do it.
subhanAllah im so angry i feel like crying, firstly coz of d blatant flouting of Allah's law. then secondly putting me in sin.
I'm not Muslim, so please consider my opinions accordingly...
As I've waddled toward the end of life, I've come to realize that anger really isn't good for much.
It's difficult to think of a situation in which anger actually helped make things better.
I think the truly difficult thing is making yourself into the kind of person to whom others will listen
People don't tend to listen to anger. Oh, sure. They pay attention to anger. But they don't really listen to it.
You say, Angry Sister, that you still live at home.
Out in the big world, you're going to find yourself in many similar situations.
You need to learn to pay less attention to being angry, and more attention to learning how you can become persuasive.
You seem frustrated because your family won't listen to you.
What steps might you take to become the sort of person to whom your family might listen?
Tranquillity
25-12-07, 10:52 AM
Sister, remember that Allah and His Messenger (saw) were well aware of how prone the human being is to anger, which is why there is such a great reward for controlling it.
Please don't let this upset you so much. If you take a deep breath and a step back, you'll be able to see that this isn't your fault at all. And from what I can tell, your family seem to be doing this out of a desire to fit in with society (as is your cousin by having a girlfriend). Obviously their behaviour is wrong, but it stems from weakness. Maash'Allah you are strong and can stand out from the crowd. I think you need to see their behaviour as being more pathetic than anything else, therefore not deserving of your anger.
As hard as it may be, making a joke out of all of this would probably make things easier on you and make your family realise how silly they're being. I mean, fried rice is actually pretty funny- why don't they get a turkey while they're at it? Or a pig with an apple in its mouth? :D
angry sister
25-12-07, 12:41 PM
JazakAllah khair
angry sister
25-12-07, 12:43 PM
and by the way i dont sit with my cousin coz hes not my mahram and therefore segregation must be enforced. but i do try and be nice coz its good da'wah, the girl is not muslim so i just try.
may Allah guide us all. Ameen!
wasalamu alaikum
miss-islamic
25-12-07, 02:51 PM
There is nothing to be ashamed about. You cannot choose who can have iman (faith). We learn in the stories of prophets that they did not all have families that were Muslims or good Muslims. The only person’s actions you can control is yours. You can’t change your family but you can advice them. And use hikma (wisdom). Don’t alienate them from Islam more by being judgmental and angry at them all the time. This is mistake many people who a newly practicing make as they become zealous. Nobody get up one day and decides they want to become practicing Muslims. It takes time, and for some it takes longer. Wa laykumasalam. :)
I agree largely with the responses here.....we too had a big roast etc today but we are not celebrating xmas. No trees, no lights no pressies. The most important thing is your intention. I prepared the food but not as a xmas dinner, just as a nice family meal. Its the only time of year when everyone is off at the same time. Its not even xmas for the people who celebrate it....they are celebrating consumerism not the birth of Jesus.
I understand your frustration if the rest of your family is not as committed as you are in practice because I have felt that too but time and time again I have found like my brothers and sisters here have advised you, that patience is the best policy. Lead by example. Getting angry at people achieves NOTHING. You're the shining light in your family!
angry sister
25-12-07, 10:23 PM
awww u guys r good advisors jazakAllah khair! im smiling now
good stuff, maybe i should stop being so damn angry so quickly. sign of weak eman, astaghfiruLLAH. may Allah increase us all in eman. Ameen!
wasalamu alaikum
naima27
26-12-07, 02:12 PM
Sister..
I know you must feel like you were being forced to participate in a holiday that does not abide by your religious beliefs. But I agree Christmas is so commercialized now that people hardly look at its beginings.
So sis.. You should of cooked..this would show your family that in Islam you can be hospitable even if it is to the kuffar.. thus making you the better person..
:)
Hospitality is sonething you should never deny anyone :o
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