in need of support

[smoky]

I asked my husband to leave because we had a big argument and he slapped me accross the face in front of my son, we were arguing because he was shouting at my son, which he seems to have done more and more lately. He was calling him names, like a 'pratt' and 'pathetic' and said that it was his fault that we were arguing.

There has been violence before, but i needed it to stop. So i asked him to leave. I reverted while with him and now i feel incredibally alone, i do still love him, and would only have him back if he gets help for his temper, but he does not see that he has a problem, he believes the problem is my 8 year old son.

I cant sleep right now. I am left with a lot of debt, and i feel partly like i want to cry but am trying to hold it in so that i dont lose it, i have to be strong for my son and i have to go to work tommorrow.

today whilst at work i was suddenly overcome with anxiety and fell to pieces, but i did pull myself together.

So i have gone back to being a single parent, which is very odd, because now i am a muslim single parent.

Today should have been a happy day, i passed my degree which i have been working for for 7 years, and i got a 2.1 which i am really happy with, but i cant even smile, or cry, just sit here and go on and on...lol (cant laugh either by the way! although i am trying!)

[Medievalist]

Is your son of your husband or from a previous man?

Dont really know what to say. Perhaps you can get some of your relatives/his relative to mediate?

Whats the argument about? You should try and please him and be affectionate. May ALLAH Ta'ala fill your marriage with understanding, mutual affection and mercy - ameen

[*Love*]

Hello Smoky
How are you doing Today?
I asked my husband to leave because we had a big argument and he slapped me accross the face in front of my son
I'm sorry :(
, we were arguing because he was shouting at my son, which he seems to have done more and more lately. He was calling him names, like a 'pratt' and 'pathetic' and said that it was his fault that we were arguing.
, but he does not see that he has a problem, he believes the problem is my 8 year old son.
And is it true that it was your son fault? Why doesn't he like your son? what's the problem?
now i feel incredibally alone,
Please talk with me whenever you want to, you can also PM me.

Today should have been a happy day, i passed my degree which i have been working for for 7 years, and i got a 2.1 which i am really happy with, but i cant even smile, or cry, just sit here and go on and on...lol (cant laugh either by the way! although i am trying!)
Congratulations! ^^ well done you! would like to celebrate it :hidban: it worths it I guess.
All the best.

[dhakiyya]

I don't know what to advise re your husband, but you *must* (if you haven't already!) sit down with your son, when you're alone, and explain to him that mummy and daddy fighting and arguing is mummy and daddy's problem, and he's not in any way to blame, that he's good and intelligent, and he must ignore what daddy says when he's in a temper, because its not his fault and he's not a prat or pathetic, and tell him he can come and talk to mummy any time if he's worried about these things - keep on with tonnes of reassurance..... kids unfortunately internalise these things completely, unless you make a big effort to undo what he says - including explaining how people when they get in a temper sometimes say things they don't mean and are not true - he will carry these beliefs for a long time and can lead to psychological problems later on. In fact saying such things repeatedly to children is emotional abuse, and its classified as such because of the real damage that it does.

Please also consider the effect such words have on your son when you try to sort things out inshaAllah with your husband. If your husband won't listen to you when you tell him the damage that such words do to children - then find someone that he will listen to to tell him inshaAllah. If he absolutely won't listen - then consider the effect of a whole childhood of such verbal abuse on your son inshaAllah.

I dont' mean to frighen you about this, because I'm sure you're already speaking to your son and reassuring him that daddy doesn't mean those things. Keep on reassuring him, because a loving parent can undo the damage inshaAllah.

[Zaina in Jena]

It's very hard to deal with what you are going through on so many levels. I just want to say Alhamduliaah for your accomplishments, I am very happy for you Sis pat yourself on the back :hidban:. I am just very happy and proud that you and so many sisters on this Forum and elsewhere are strong, educated and able to juggle so much, duties to Allah, marriage, children and school :rubeyes:. Go on Sis with your baaad self.
Now for the matter of your marriage seek refuge in Allah, speak with an Imam for counseling and try to sit your husband down and talk to him when he is not in an angry state. I pray that Allah improves your (and other sisters like you) condition and FOREVER keep you guided Ameen... What ever happens sister please always remember, Allah is the best of planners and he knows what we know not so Insha Allah hold onto your faith in him.
:love::love::love:

[`asiya]

I asked my husband to leave because we had a big argument and he slapped me accross the face in front of my son, we were arguing because he was shouting at my son, which he seems to have done more and more lately. He was calling him names, like a 'pratt' and 'pathetic' and said that it was his fault that we were arguing.

There has been violence before, but i needed it to stop. So i asked him to leave. I reverted while with him and now i feel incredibally alone, i do still love him, and would only have him back if he gets help for his temper, but he does not see that he has a problem, he believes the problem is my 8 year old son.

I cant sleep right now. I am left with a lot of debt, and i feel partly like i want to cry but am trying to hold it in so that i dont lose it, i have to be strong for my son and i have to go to work tommorrow.

today whilst at work i was suddenly overcome with anxiety and fell to pieces, but i did pull myself together.

So i have gone back to being a single parent, which is very odd, because now i am a muslim single parent.

Today should have been a happy day, i passed my degree which i have been working for for 7 years, and i got a 2.1 which i am really happy with, but i cant even smile, or cry, just sit here and go on and on...lol (cant laugh either by the way! although i am trying!)

:wswrwb: sister, subhanAllah u know that the prophet salAllahu alleyi wa salam said that it is haram to hit anyone even an animal on the face, and things that are haram can lead to jahannaam, as for your son it is so important sister that he sees a good example from the muslims,and especially the muslim men, they need role models, im assuming that your son is not your husbands son, and some men ( muslim or not ) can be really weird about rasing another mans child, but u know sister this is not the way of the muslims, when ummsalama was proposed to be the prophet salAllahu alleyhi wa salam she said to him " but i am advancing in age, i have many yougn children and i am very jelous, and the prophet salAllahu alleyhi wa salam said to her, i too am afflicted with the same problem ( meaning age is advancing on me too ) i will pray to Allah to help you with your jelousy and your children are my children :) this is the way of the muslims ukhti, and ur husband should know so much better.

i lost both of my sons who converted to islam at a young age, to the dunya because they no longer beleive what i have told them about islam, because of the way my muslim ex-husband and other muslims have treated them and their mother. your son is young and he needs a good example, he is more important than anyone, and if hes sees anymore of what he has already seen then u may loose him too ...audu billah.

stay strong and let ur husband seek to mend his ways if you choose to reconcile, i would advise going to your local imam ( if u have one) explaining to him and asking him to be your gaurdian to advise your husband to goodness, may Allah return him to the straight path, amin.

when we come to Islam we are often tested ukhti, Allah ta ala says in the Quran indeed this whole life is a test for every muslim, and this is one exam i hope we both pass insha Allah. seek refuge in Allah, seek knowledge of your religion so you can have strength and understanding insha Allah of what your going through.

Congratulations on your degree results, and stay strong, tears and feeling down and like u may fall apart are natural in your situation,but you will gain strength and wisdom insha Allah from what u have been through, already u have put a stop to the abuse, and that is better for your husband for it is a grave and serious sin to abuse your wife, and the prophet salAllahu alleyhi wa salam said that every man is a shepard over his flock and the one who does not sincerely carry out his duties towards them will not smell the fragrance of al jannah, so u are right to not allow your husband to abuse you, because in allowing that you will only assist him in seeking a place in jahannam for that audu billah.. cry to Allah ta ala for he will remove your pain and replace it with peace insha Allah, and make duaa for your husband, even if u are not together he is your brother in Islam, may Allah take away his jelousy towards your son, and his anger amin.

come see us here at ummah, and if u ever need anything or just to chat then please pm me, or any of your sisters here, were all here to support you :love: the prophet salallahu alleyhi wa salam said what means, this ummah is one body, when any part of it feels pain the rest of the body responds.. fi amaanillah :salams

In the Name of Allâh, the Most
Beneficent, the Most Merciful.

Alif*Lâm*Mîm.

[These letters are one of the miracles of the Qur'ân, and none but Allâh (Alone) knows their meanings.]

Do people think that they will be left alone because they say: "We believe," and will not be tested.

And We indeed tested those who were before them. And Allâh will certainly make (it) known (the truth of) those who are true, and will certainly make (it) known (the falsehood of) those who are liars, (although Allâh knows all that before putting them to test).

Or those who do evil deeds think that they can outstrip Us (i.e. escape Our Punishment)? Evil is that which they judge!

Whoever hopes for the Meeting with Allâh, then Allâh's Term is surely coming. and He is the All-Hearer, the All-Knower.

And whosoever strives, he strives only for himself. Verily, Allâh is free of all wants from the 'Alamîn (mankind, jinns, and all that exists).

Those who believe [in the Oneness of Allâh (Monotheism) and in Messenger Muhammad SAW , and do not apostate because of the harm they receive from the polytheists], and do righteous good deeds, surely, We shall remit from them their evil deeds and shall reward them according to the best of that which they used to do.
surah al ankabut : ayat 1-7

[Sabz42]

try and get him to get some councling or get some older people involved and get him to sort his self out.

[PiElle2]

it takes 2 to argue, so do not even try to be a participant of one. Allah will reward you for holding back and encourage peace and tranquility in a family.

teaching takes time and patience, show them aith your good example. if your husband is lacking some at the moment, help him and encourage him with gentleness, not harshness and being argumentative. same goes for your son.

you will be rewarded for helping them, your most important men in your life at the moment.

may Allah help and guide you.