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RoadWarrior
28-11-07, 06:25 PM
I know many muslim sisters who would love to wear hijaab but their 'modern families' are stopping them. Their families fast, pray now and then or something, some actually pray salaah regularly, good honest people BUT things like keeping a beard and wearing hijaab are for uneducated and poor people. They relate it to their country of origin and because they have a family tree of city life and university academics, they see hijaab and beards as 'extreme' and not for professionals.

In addition, there's the issue of newly converted sisters still living with their families. sometimes their families do not know of their newly found religion or they do know of their conversion/reversion but do not allow them to let the rest of the community know (wearing hijaab would be a big sign of this) so stop them from wearing hijaab.

OR some families who aren't religious as it is, and mashallah their daughter has bee given hidayah but the family cannot understand this because of their lack of understanding of principle conditions and once again- prevent their daughter from wearing hijaab.

discuss please- not argue or take sides. no 'you're wrong I am right. Give your opinion, examples and that's it. Please do not scrutinize or patronise other users comments or analyse their comments trying to 'catch them out' o_O

Ebony
28-11-07, 06:29 PM
I personally dont know of anyone who's had to deal with this kind of an issue - usually if they dont wear it its because they havent "got around to" and are working at it. Their family don't really discourage or encourage them but leave it up to them.

But I can see how some families may think the kids are regressing into medieval times when they start "practising" and demonstrate that outwardly by their dress. Usually the kids own attitude of holier than thou when they "discover Islam" doesnt help in such circumstances. And as a result the parents actually prefer the kids to not be practising if it means they adopt such an attitude.

insomniac
28-11-07, 06:35 PM
I tutor this girl down the road, masha'Allaah really nice kid and she kept asking us about hijaab and wanted to wear the headscarf, so when she started high school she started to wear the headscarf masha'Allaah.

Her older sister and mother did not wear it. Her mother encouraged her, her sister felt out of sorts and guilty (this girl mentioned this to me a couple of times) by saying to her it's not necessary to wear etc. but this young girl continued wearing it, she wore it during her first year (yr7) and then the July 7 attacks happened and her family discouraged and stopped her from wearing headscarf the following year at school, now she no longer wears it but her friends do and she talks about it now and again....

:insha: I pray that she does start to wear it again and her family too.

Abu 'Abdullaah
28-11-07, 06:39 PM
A sister used to teach Arabic to young girls at the local Masjid. After a while, she told the girls they must wear the hijaab when they come to the Masjid. When some of the parents got wind of this, they went to the Masjid and started attacking the sister saying things like,''Who are you to tell our daughters they must wear hijaab? Just teach them Qur'aan and don't bother with rest.''

SubhanAllaah.

RoadWarrior
28-11-07, 06:41 PM
hmm Maybe think about it like this, a sister is from a family who understand islam understand hijaab pray etc, but not aalims or extremely learnt people.

Their idea of hijaab is just the headscarf (here again big discussions can be found on forum but lets not go into that).

The mother wears headscarf, so does daughter, many cousins and aunties wear it too, but no-one wears abaya. The daughter wears abaya and gets criticism from her mother. Can you understand this?

or maybe more 'extreme' she wants to wear niqaab, no one in the family does and they dont think it is farz but the daughter does and she wears it but her family critisise her.

Think about your own family maybe, I dont know what you term as hijaab, but if you started wearing abaya, how would your family react? would they tell you 'oh its not fardh' this is how some families tell girls not to wear headscarf either, people start defining their own versions of what is and what is not fardh.

Hello:)
28-11-07, 07:06 PM
i think this is a hard situation to solve, but i also think its unreasonable of families to not support their daughters/sisters decisions

RoadWarrior
28-11-07, 07:11 PM
i think this is a hard situation to solve, but i also think its unreasonable of families to not support their daughters/sisters decisions

be careful what you say, you mean 'its unreasonable of families to not support their daughters/sisters decisions when doing something islamic'

I'm sure if they said they wanted to be homosexual, you wouldnt expect parents to be supportive

.: Anna :.
28-11-07, 07:13 PM
This is not as unusual as it sounds, it can be quite common.
I think if the parents don't wear hijab themselves, or they dont wear abayah themselves then sometimes they feel that the daughter by wearing it is in a way telling them "what you are doing is not good enough" so they feel offended and take offense even tho she does not mean it that way she just personally wants to wear what she feels is correct. Or they think "it doesnt look as nice" and they want her to wear nice clothes so people can look at her and think good of the family, or she can get more proposals etc. Sometimes its about "what will people think?" "people will say you have become extreme" etc.
This all can be even from with Muslim parents, unfortunately... its just a case of being too much culture, not bothered enough about the deen, and too bothered with what will others think in the community. But if daughter persists in wearing it, and explains them with good manners why she does, never being rude about it at all or critisising/insulting the parents, insha allah eventually they can come to accept it. If they give her difficulty she has to persist cos its fardh to wear, she will get reward for her sabr thru that difficulty.

My own parents when i started to wear hijab they were a bit unsure, because worried i will get insulted in the street etc (town has alot of racist people not many muslims), but they saw i wanted to wear it and they cant really stop me. Then wen i started wearing abayah my mum thought it was ugly but now she is really used to it and finds some of them nice, it just takes time for them to adapt and get used to them seeing u dressed in that way. The same with niqaab if i start to wear @ first they will complain and tell me "oh no now this is too much" but eventually they would get used to it after some time

neelu
28-11-07, 09:49 PM
My mum was very discouraging when I started covering my head, but I think there's a big difference between saying that family members discourage/ridicule it and saying that a person is FORCED to not wear it. Our Sahaba (ra) had to face discouragement and ridicule, especially in the early years but it never stopped them. Although it is fard to cover, I could understand a young sister not doing so if her family were hostile to Islam or threatened or intimidated her about covering. Other than that I think if a girl decides not to cover cos' she's too obsessed by ignorant things that some shallow people might say then that's no excuse.

mizfissy815
28-11-07, 10:17 PM
My parents have always been the 'it's up to you type', there wasn't much encouragement nor discouragement from my parents. I think that had it not been for the fact that I attended an Islamic school that taught the virtue of hijaab (and that I lived in Saudi at the time) I wouldn't have ever considered it. My mother didn't (now does alhamdullilah) and she said that it was simply because it wasn't ever introduced to her as an Islamic 'obligation' as such. Modesty, yes...that was a definite, but the actual covering of the hair...not so much.
When I did, there was no immediate reaction from my parents...in fact, it wasn't noticeable because it was the norm of the place I lived. However, I think they noticed during the summer when we had gone to 'oh glorious Dubai' that I hadn't really taken it off...my dad bought me my first cell-phone that summer.:p My mother wasn't too keen and but never discouraged me. She did and still does have an issue with the jilbaab/abaaya and skirts. She's my mama, and I love her to bits...but I've learned that keeping my opinions to myself is the best way to have healthy relationship. It works too.

shaquille20
28-11-07, 10:39 PM
As salamu aleikum,

I know this Turkish-Australian sister who I used to go to Uni with... She used to tell me she once wore the Hijab and after September the 11th, she decided not to because of the hostility from the Kuffar (so far, I havent heard of violence against muslims in Australia except for a couple of incidents in Sydney and elsewhere)... I then asked her why she doesnt wear the hijab and she said that she wasnt ready for it... so I was wondering why she has to give excuses for something that she doesnt like...

Hmmm I wonder....

Rouz
29-11-07, 06:13 PM
The mother wears headscarf, so does daughter, many cousins and aunties wear it too, but no-one wears abaya. The daughter wears abaya and gets criticism from her mother. Can you understand this?

Think about your own family maybe, I dont know what you term as hijaab, but if you started wearing abaya, how would your family react? would they tell you 'oh its not fardh' this is how some families tell girls not to wear headscarf either, people start defining their own versions of what is and what is not fardh.

Mmm im in this situation. I tried to go out in an abaya once, my mum said i looked like a pakistani and to go get changed :(. But i am hoping when i go to uni enshallah i will wear it full time.
I find it so hard to find suitable clothes! it really annoys me, by wearing abayas i could just wear whatever underneath and be completely covered, because i sill think by wearing baggy jeans and a long top you can still see your size and your legs, does anyone understand what i mean? like your not properly veiled..

I don't know what it was that made me start wearing hijab, it was just this really weird feeling and compulsion to do it, subhanallah, i contemplated it for a month or so. then i brought it up with my mother and she was like wait (i first brought it up in egypt and there everyong wears it, its kind of like a fashion though :/, so i think she thought i was just caught up in a fad), but then i brought it up a few other times when we came back to england and she still said wait its a big decision. then one day i said to her, tomorrow im wearing hijab and alhamdullilah i havnt taken it off since. i think the thing with this is she wasn't trying to make me not wear hijab, but instead she was trying to make sure i was sure and not just rushing into it. but once i showed her i was serious she was supportive. i think it was more of a means of testing me, if you get what i mean?

Rouz
29-11-07, 06:16 PM
also people say abayas are really ugly and boring sacks or whatever, but i find them completely beatiful, even the plain black ones, like really mysterious and humble and feminine.... i'll stop now :P

$HugoBoss$
29-11-07, 06:33 PM
My grandma says i look to old with my beared so she's like shave it off because your still a kid or something.

RoadWarrior
29-11-07, 07:48 PM
Mmm im in this situation. I tried to go out in an abaya once, my mum said i looked like a pakistani and to go get changed :(. But i am hoping when i go to uni enshallah i will wear it full time.
I find it so hard to find suitable clothes! it really annoys me, by wearing abayas i could just wear whatever underneath and be completely covered, because i sill think by wearing baggy jeans and a long top you can still see your size and your legs, does anyone understand what i mean? like your not properly veiled..

I don't know what it was that made me start wearing hijab, it was just this really weird feeling and compulsion to do it, subhanallah, i contemplated it for a month or so. then i brought it up with my mother and she was like wait (i first brought it up in egypt and there everyong wears it, its kind of like a fashion though :/, so i think she thought i was just caught up in a fad), but then i brought it up a few other times when we came back to england and she still said wait its a big decision. then one day i said to her, tomorrow im wearing hijab and alhamdullilah i havnt taken it off since. i think the thing with this is she wasn't trying to make me not wear hijab, but instead she was trying to make sure i was sure and not just rushing into it. but once i showed her i was serious she was supportive. i think it was more of a means of testing me, if you get what i mean?

I think you should just go for it!, inshallah

I find it funny how she mentioned pakistani because the asian comunity,are the least to wear abayas!!! it's more of an arab/middle eastern thing and in asian culture shalwaar kamees kinda fulfils their idea of modesty, which ofcourse we know it doesnt when you see girls wearing tight, low neck huge side slit ones :rolleyes:

so about the pakistan thing, that was funny. If you dont mind me asking, which ethnicity are you?

Like you sai, abayas can be so beautiful. Maybe start by showing her pictures on internet of good looking abayas and not plain ones. also, maybe if you wore coloured ones it might not be such a shock, or ones that 'looked' like clothes, (ie coloured, small pattern etc)

Keep pushing for it because if you feel abaya is obligation upon you then you are not fulfilling a fardh act.

Inshallah I hope you are able to wear proper hijaab.

Rouz
29-11-07, 08:01 PM
I think you should just go for it!, inshallah

I find it funny how she mentioned pakistani because the asian comunity,are the least to wear abayas!!! it's more of an arab/middle eastern thing and in asian culture shalwaar kamees kinda fulfils their idea of modesty, which ofcourse we know it doesnt when you see girls wearing tight, low neck huge side slit ones :rolleyes:

so about the pakistan thing, that was funny. If you dont mind me asking, which ethnicity are you?

Like you sai, abayas can be so beautiful. Maybe start by showing her pictures on internet of good looking abayas and not plain ones. also, maybe if you wore coloured ones it might not be such a shock, or ones that 'looked' like clothes, (ie coloured, small pattern etc)

Keep pushing for it because if you feel abaya is obligation upon you then you are not fulfilling a fardh act.

Inshallah I hope you are able to wear proper hijaab.

I know that's what i thought to myself, pakistanis dont wear abayas they wear shalwarkameez's. It was funny, but i wasnt happy about it at the time but of course i did what she said and went and got changed!

My parents are egyptian and im born in england, so english egyptian, i have a dual nationality.

But i don't see myself wearing abaya to college as theres only 3 hijabis including myself, but hopefull at uni inshallah i will have the strength.

Mmm i might try looking for coloured abayas like you said :) Do you wear abayas?

Kubs
01-12-07, 01:03 PM
My parents gave me the choice to put on the hijab. I was never forced into anything Alhamdulillah. I went to a private Islamic girls school all my life so I was taught the wisdom behind the legislation of the Hijab. My mum would explain the purpose of the scarf but she would never reinforce her views on me.

When I started wearing the scarf, parent's were extremely happy Alhamdulillah! They were very impressed that I took my own initiative to wear it.

I tend to switch between loose clothing and the abayah. It's a gradual process and I'm not going to rush into anything. Dad loves the idea. Mum isn't too keen. She thinks it's cultural and nothing to do with Islam. Despite all this, she would never force me to take it off.

sis_niqabi
01-12-07, 01:25 PM
salam

i think this is a common problem in places like lebonon,syria, tunsia and turkey. where the hijab is looked down upon. i've heard some women say their parents say it's only for old women. or that their parents say they don't want people looking at their daughters strange. and that it's old fashioned.

i wonder how these mothers and fathers will answer to Allah on day of judgement when they are asked why they forbade their daughters from wearing hijab

RoadWarrior
01-12-07, 06:09 PM
I know that's what i thought to myself, pakistanis dont wear abayas they wear shalwarkameez's. It was funny, but i wasnt happy about it at the time but of course i did what she said and went and got changed!

My parents are egyptian and im born in england, so english egyptian, i have a dual nationality.

But i don't see myself wearing abaya to college as theres only 3 hijabis including myself, but hopefull at uni inshallah i will have the strength.

Mmm i might try looking for coloured abayas like you said :) Do you wear abayas?

Well it's good you know that you want to wear hijaab, mashallah...it'd be even better if you did it. Inshallah May allah make it easy on you, just think of niqaabis...

Alhamdulillah yeah I wear abayas, I started wearing it towards the end of my6th form. I was the only girl who was wearing it and I felt great!!! Honestly, I felt that automatically the brothers respected me more and I wasn't concerned about bending down to pick up my bag or lean over the table to reach a pen etc oh and I didnt have to wear my coat on aallll day either lol :o

When I first started wearing it I started off with light colours, like pastel ones, I felt it normalised my clothing. Then when I went for umrah I bought quite a few black ones and I started loving black abaya more, so now I wear more black but a few coloured too. Alhamdulillah my mum sews so she sews my abaya too, it's a rel money saver too :up: material is soo cheap and comes in all colours and patterns :) Maybe theres a local tailor or someone you know who sews? if so find out more and maybe buy some material and get it sewn. You could go buy material with your mum and have your mum agree on choice etc so it might make her more comfortable with it?


My parents gave me the choice to put on the hijab. I was never forced into anything Alhamdulillah. I went to a private Islamic girls school all my life so I was taught the wisdom behind the legislation of the Hijab. My mum would explain the purpose of the scarf but she would never reinforce her views on me.

When I started wearing the scarf, parent's were extremely happy Alhamdulillah! They were very impressed that I took my own initiative to wear it.

I tend to switch between loose clothing and the abayah. It's a gradual process and I'm not going to rush into anything. Dad loves the idea. Mum isn't too keen. She thinks it's cultural and nothing to do with Islam. Despite all this, she would never force me to take it off.
mashallah sis, jazakallah for sharing your insight. May allah make hijaab easy for you and inshallah you will war abaya full time (in your own time :))

salam

i think this is a common problem in places like lebonon,syria, tunsia and turkey. where the hijab is looked down upon. i've heard some women say their parents say it's only for old women. or that their parents say they don't want people looking at their daughters strange. and that it's old fashioned.

i wonder how these mothers and fathers will answer to Allah on day of judgement when they are asked why they forbade their daughters from wearing hijab

Jazakallah for your input sis. yeah @ the old fashioned, also another thing Ive noticed it alot of girls are modern and open without hijaab in their youth and when they get married they wear hijaab.; this is something I noticed in middle eastern countries. In egypt I asked the hairdresses in the hotel about this issue and she said, some mothers think that if their daughters wear hijaab they wont get any proposals, so they dont encourage it at young age but after marriage they do and the husbands also want their wive covered then

Ignatius F. Peace
01-12-07, 06:23 PM
My youngest son has a beard and hair down to the middle of his back ... I offer to take him for a nice cut and straight blade shave but he declines ... what's a parent to do? ...

Saudi Prince
01-12-07, 06:52 PM
This is not as unusual as it sounds, it can be quite common.
I think if the parents don't wear hijab themselves, or they dont wear abayah themselves then sometimes they feel that the daughter by wearing it is in a way telling them "what you are doing is not good enough" so they feel offended and take offense even tho she does not mean it that way she just personally wants to wear what she feels is correct. Or they think "it doesnt look as nice" and they want her to wear nice clothes so people can look at her and think good of the family, or she can get more proposals etc. Sometimes its about "what will people think?" "people will say you have become extreme" etc.
This all can be even from with Muslim parents, unfortunately... its just a case of being too much culture, not bothered enough about the deen, and too bothered with what will others think in the community. But if daughter persists in wearing it, and explains them with good manners why she does, never being rude about it at all or critisising/insulting the parents, insha allah eventually they can come to accept it. If they give her difficulty she has to persist cos its fardh to wear, she will get reward for her sabr thru that difficulty.

My own parents when i started to wear hijab they were a bit unsure, because worried i will get insulted in the street etc (town has alot of racist people not many muslims), but they saw i wanted to wear it and they cant really stop me. Then wen i started wearing abayah my mum thought it was ugly but now she is really used to it and finds some of them nice, it just takes time for them to adapt and get used to them seeing u dressed in that way. The same with niqaab if i start to wear @ first they will complain and tell me "oh no now this is too much" but eventually they would get used to it after some time


What do you mean by 'abayah'? I haven't seen a single woman in England who wears it? It may be because it's different from what I think is abayah. Can you put a pic for abayah, please?

Rouz
01-12-07, 07:30 PM
What do you mean by 'abayah'? I haven't seen a single woman in England who wears it? It may be because it's different from what I think is abayah. Can you put a pic for abayah, please?

From my understanding, they look verrry similar, but...

Abaya = closed so you just put it on over your head

http://www.everythingislamic.com/ProdImages/th_EV4_Abaya.jpg

Jilbab = like a wrap around and you close it together with velcro/button/etc

http://www.alhannah.com/images/products/ab/296/pattern.jpg
If you can see top right hand corner i think its closed together by velcro

Correct me if im wrong :)

Saudi Prince
01-12-07, 08:10 PM
From my understanding, they look verrry similar, but...

Abaya = closed so you just put it on over your head

http://www.everythingislamic.com/ProdImages/th_EV4_Abaya.jpg

Jilbab = like a wrap around and you close it together with velcro/button/etc

http://www.alhannah.com/images/products/ab/296/pattern.jpg
If you can see top right hand corner i think its closed together by velcro

Correct me if im wrong :)

Fayrouz, are you saying that these are abayas or look similar to it? You confused me.

RoadWarrior
01-12-07, 08:17 PM
saudi bro i think it depends where you live maybe? Where I live quite alot wear it, and alot wear full niqaab everything (covering face too)

at uni aswell many sisters wear abaya. I admit in my college only I wore it, it wasnt common at all, but when I go town and city etc I see quite alot.

and the pics above are abaya.

things like these, but not so much pattern, i think these pics are fancy abayas:

http://content.answers.com/main/content/wp/en/8/8f/AbayaBahrain.jpg

basically one long, loose fitted dress.

Saudi Prince
01-12-07, 08:26 PM
saudi bro i think it depends where you live maybe? Where I live quite alot wear it, and alot wear full niqaab everything (covering face too)

at uni aswell many sisters wear abaya. I admit in my college only I wore it, it wasnt common at all, but when I go town and city etc I see quite alot.

and the pics above are abaya.

things like these, but not so much pattern, i think these pics are fancy abayas:

http://content.answers.com/main/content/wp/en/8/8f/AbayaBahrain.jpg

basically one long, loose fitted dress.

Thanks sister. I was thinking of another type of abayah.

RoadWarrior
01-12-07, 08:35 PM
Thanks sister. I was thinking of another type of abayah.

could you explain/show pic of which you were thinking? I am curious now because I thought this was abayah?

did you mean this type? http://www.essenceofblack.com/images/overhead_abaya_ha31.jpg

.: Anna :.
02-12-07, 12:15 AM
SP in Uk we use the word abayah and jilbab pretty much interchangabley... if u are refering 2 ra2s abayah i dnt mean that.. the one which comes from the shoulder only, this is what we wear in uk about 99% anyway, only rarely i seen with ra2s abayah.

Saudi Prince
02-12-07, 11:51 AM
could you explain/show pic of which you were thinking? I am curious now because I thought this was abayah?

did you mean this type? http://www.essenceofblack.com/images/overhead_abaya_ha31.jpg

Yes, this was the kind of abayah I was thinkng of and also the pics of shoulder-abayahs you put up are worn in Saudi but when we say abayah generally we mean the head-abayah. But do you wear it like a jacket or like a fustan. I'm asking about the way it's worn.

.: Anna :.
02-12-07, 12:05 PM
well it depends if its open or closed? mostly they r closed over here that is more common

Hafsah
02-12-07, 12:18 PM
i actually knew a few sisters who werent ALLOWED to wear hijaab, but desperately wanted to

one would wear it once she got to the train station,and took it off once she got back so her parents wouldnt know, her sister got a lot of tension when she wore it,and the sis didnt want to start fighting with her parents, eventually she stopped wearing it all together

ironically enough her mum did wear hijaab, but thought it would limit the type of family that would be interested in her daughters for marriage :rolleyes:

other parents were worried about the safety of their daughters and didnt want them to wear hijaab, or worried their daughters wouldnt get good jobs

:(

RoadWarrior
02-12-07, 12:46 PM
i actually knew a few sisters who werent ALLOWED to wear hijaab, but desperately wanted to

one would wear it once she got to the train station,and took it off once she got back so her parents wouldnt know, her sister got a lot of tension when she wore it,and the sis didnt want to start fighting with her parents, eventually she stopped wearing it all together

ironically enough her mum did wear hijaab, but thought it would limit the type of family that would be interested in her daughters for marriage :rolleyes:

other parents were worried about the safety of their daughters and didnt want them to wear hijaab, or worried their daughters wouldnt get good jobs

:(

That is actually very common, and to an extent true with reference to niqaab. When my bro got married to a niqaabi, she was the first niqaabi in my entire family (cousins/aunts etc) and my mum found it really hard to get used to. Plus, she was studying at university so my mum was like 'oh whats the point, how are you going to get a job anyway'

in addition, she wanted to go into teaching, lol, so this created more comments. We all got used to it but then with recent things about niqaab (that primary school teacher etc) my parents started discussing it more with her. She herself also started questioning it, the career oppertunities not the niqaab itself. Alhamdulillah though, she's doig her PGCE at the moment and it's in a normal comprehensive mixed school, the school has every right to ask her to remove it but havent done so...I guess it's Allahs will, she always says how lucky she is. Inshallah we all just make dua that once she's qualified someone will give her a actual job in a school, although i think she's gearing more towards islamic school.

Onto the jilbaab now (abaya). I've been wanting a part-time job alongside my studies for quite a while now but yes jilbaab does prevent me- example retail, supermarket because all these places have uniforms (shirt and trouser) which ofcourse I couldnt wear with abaya. When I keep complaining 'I need a jooobbb' My parents are like 'well whats stopping you??? its just your jubbah isnt it!' and im like aarrghhh because I know it's true. So far I've bee trying to find something like youth centers, tutoring, mentoring, working with kids stuff like play/acitivy worker things on weekends which dont require a uniform.

.: Anna :.
02-12-07, 12:51 PM
sometimes the shops can comprimise on uniform for the abayah, like u know niqaabi she used to work in savers b4 she came to work wit me... n she was wearing jilbab and she wore the savers uniform jumper over the top of it. cos some places they hav a long sleeves uniform aswel as the tshirts, or else u cd wear the shop tshirt over the jilbab i kno it looks kind of lame but whatever :p
or try call centres thats a good place for sisters in abayah or niqaab aswell because it doesnt matter wat u were?

al_islam
02-12-07, 12:59 PM
But wearing abayah should restrict the place where you can work.

Unifrom clashes are virtually unheard of, but I cant see how wearing an abayah will prevent any sort of work uniform.