Future Mother In Law Wants To.....

[$HugoBoss$]

Call the wedding off :mad:

My mom called me last night and told me to come over because she wanted to talk to me about something. I got a hint on the phone but wasn't a 100% sure.

I'm just gonna make this very short and straight to the point. My future mother in law told my mom yesterday that she did istikarah about me four days a go twice and each time she did it she saw a black snake in her dreams. She told my mom that this isn't a good sign and that the rishta should be broken due to this appearing of a black snake in her dreams.

I'm like seriously what the fudge is going on here, i told my mom that she never wanted this marriage to happen in the first place, she's just making silly excuses and i told my mom i don't believe a single word she's saying.

I did istikarah before and got no signs good or bad and therefore assumed it was ok to go ahead with the marriage. I had a talk with my fiance in the morning and told her why is your mom acting like this for and she said it's better if we talk in person in a shaky tone :confused:

If her mother comes infront of me i swear i'm gonna choke her, i can't believe this. I even missed school today which i rarely do :(

This is honestly the last stress i was looking for, what do you brothers and sisters suggest i do as i don't ever ask for help here but my mind seems clogged at the moment and i can't digest the words of that silly women :rolleyes:

[aurorascopic]

:O NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOo

Inshallah I sincerely hope this does not happen and that you do get married to your fiancee, just as planned.

Has your fiancee done istikhara? did she see a black snake?


I'm presuming not..and if this is the case for both future hubby and wife then theres no reason not to go on!..you will be married to each other inshallah, you're not marrying her mother!

You seriously need to have words with your fiancee and make sure that she does not get brainwashed by her mother. If you have any sisters r female relatives who could speak to your fiancee that would help too.

Also..try and not get to infuriated with your future mother in law, I can understand how you feel but if you do or say anything wrong even if it is a mutter or a facial expression..it's just an excuse for her to say negative things about you...especially to her daughter.. like 'look at how he speaks to me..do you want to be spoken like this to for the rest of your life' etc

I pray so much your wedding is not broken off,Inshallah :( I will keep you both in my duas

[miss-islamic]

Violence is not the way --that's for sure. I'm sorry to hear this.

[MG]

Call the wedding off :mad:

My mom called me last night and told me to come over because she wanted to talk to me about something. I got a hint on the phone but wasn't a 100% sure.

I'm just gonna make this very short and straight to the point. My future mother in law told my mom yesterday that she did istikarah about me four days a go twice and each time she did it she saw a black snake in her dreams. She told my mom that this isn't a good sign and that the rishta should be broken due to this appearing of a black snake in her dreams.

I'm like seriously what the fudge is going on here, i told my mom that she never wanted this marriage to happen in the first place, she's just making silly excuses and i told my mom i don't believe a single word she's saying.

I did istikarah before and got no signs good or bad and therefore assumed it was ok to go ahead with the marriage. I had a talk with my fiance in the morning and told her why is your mom acting like this for and she said it's better if we talk in person in a shaky tone :confused:

If her mother comes in front of me i swear i'm gonna choke her, i can't believe this. I even missed school today which i rarely do :(

This is honestly the last stress i was looking for, what do you brothers and sisters suggest i do as i don't ever ask for help here but my mind seems clogged at the moment and i can't digest the words of that silly women :rolleyes:

sorry to hear this bro, interpretation of ishtikharas can be made quite complex by some people, it is VERY rare that a person has a dream as an answer to their ishtikhara - im not saying your future MIL is lying, its just rare thats all.
Most iskthakharas normally give u a sign via which decision your heart starts swaying towards more...thats always how i get my "results" :D

If your going to do isthikhara then its best that the person who its for, does it themsleves, in this case your future Wife and you.

Sometimes a couple can do isthikhara and for one of them it might be good and for the other it comes out bad , this can mean alot of things, i.e the marraige could be good for you (which is why your isthkhara is positive) and bad marraige for her (which is if her isthikhara was bad).

May Allah SWT grant you what is best for you in this world and the next and grant u sabr ameen.

P.S. choking your MIL will not help the situation.

[Kal-El]

I don't understand Istikhira. People marry based on it, and it doesn't seem to have any influence over whether or not the marriage succeeds or not, so why should people call off an entire wedding based on it?

I think it's just meant to help you understand your own thoughts and feelings about a proposal more clearly. I dont think its expressed to somehow "look into the future"; it just clarifies one's stance on the issue if they are unsure and it seems like your future mother-in law doesn't feel comfortable about you regardless.

But the most important people here are you and your fiance. If she doubts this marriage based on your mothers ill thoughts then its a disaster. It's urgent that you distinguish your mothers own feelings from everyone else's. Rarely nowdays do we see everyone in both families happy with a marriage anyway.

[Lambo5688]

Sorry to hear this bro, I know how excited you were about your marriage.

But yea, as sis auro sis, you are marrying the daughter, not the mother. Maybe theres a way of having a one on one chat with your MIL and maybe she'll change her mind.

[aurorascopic]

I'm just thinking...but this might be too hard for you.

You need to speak to your future mother in law but in a really sincere way..this way you wouldn't be giving her any excuse to point faults out in you. If you go up in rage with a scrunched up face, angry tone of voice, using insultng or rude words...she's going to have a book full of excuses to use against you.

You really need to show her you are worthy of her daughter and basically don't give her any room to pick out faults...but to do this you will have to put aside your pride and be sincere, silent and just humbly respectful. Being stubborn won't help, no matter how badly you feel against her...she is your fiances mother..

[Kal-El]

Everyone here is right, you need to speak with her mother privately and respectively and enquire as to why. Maybe have close relatives speak on your behalf to her aswell, so that she gets the idea how excited you have been for this wedding to take place.

In short, the mother doubts your integrity and sincerity. Snakes in a dream? I doubt she trusts you man. You need to fix that but like I said, make sure your wife to be isn't affected by this with doubt too.

[MG]

I don't understand Istikhira. People marry based on it, and it doesn't seem to have any influence over whether or not the marriage succeeds or not, so why should people call off an entire wedding based on it?

I think it's just meant to help you understand your own thoughts and feelings about a proposal more clearly. I dont think its expressed to somehow "look into the future"; it just clarifies one's stance on the issue if they are unsure and it seems like your future mother-in law doesn't feel comfortable about you regardless.

But the most important people here are you and your fiance. If she doubts this marriage based on your mothers ill thoughts then its a disaster. It's urgent that you distinguish your mothers own feelings from everyone else's. Rarely nowdays do we see everyone in both families happy with a marriage anyway.


yes your not supposed to TOTALLY base your decisions on that,its a way if just asking Allah swt to GUIDE you towards the best decision, doing isthikhara does not mean we should stop all other areas of investigating what is best for us

[muslim_sis]

you know the thing with istikhara ... most of us , we have a feeling in our hearts already but we should entirely be genuinely asking for allahs assisstance ... if we've already decided and determined we are gonna marry so and so and then you decide a few weeks down the line to do istikhara then its like you've already got it in ur heart and at the back of ur mind ... we need to distance ourselves from that and sincerely ask of allah assisstance and help and trust that allah will guide us and help us inshallah.

[Hisham Abu]

Shouldn't Salaatul Istikharah be done by either you or your potiential spouse. Why is her mother doing it. My advice, for what it's worth, you and this girl do Istikharah. In the mean time try and not get yourself emotonaly attached to the idea of marrying this girl, or even her. Clear your mind, and make it free from her. It might even be time for you to just walk away from this situation. If her mother doesn't like you now, you can't even being to imagine the sorts of problems she could cause once you are actually married to her daughter.

I would advise against meeting this girl, actually I would say break all contact. At least until you both can think about what exactly you both want from this relationship. Maybe Allaah (swT) is saving you from something that is not good for you anyways.

[niqaabi_muslima]

I agree with the above comment....Insha'Allah be patient and place all your trust in Allah forthe best outcome.

May Allah make ur affairs easy ameen

[GuCcI]

i wish i saw a black snake :rolleyes:

[GuCcI]

oh right, words of comfort...

talk to her about it but u have to be reeallyyy respectful, calm and gentle. if u show the slightest bit of rage it will look bad on your part and her mother can easily say, 'so my dream shows your true colours'...

anyway, don't worry so much. remember everything happens for the best.

[bint]

yeah whatever u do. dont be disrespectful

u have to win the parents hearts. :D

[Pro_Candy]

Moms are protective. You've gotta show her that you will love and protect and take care of her girl. Sometimes it's just hard for parents to let go.

Try looking at it from her point of view. She's raised this girl for years, loved her, nurtured her, and now she has to release her to the care of a man, and she has to trust that he will love her and take care of her, and care about her as much as she does.

So, yeah, it's a huge step for the mom. So, speak to her mom with kind and gentle words, and let her know your plans and wishes, and that you intend to be a good husband, all that good stuff :up:

[seven]

If her mother comes infront of me i swear i'm gonna choke her, i can't believe this.
bro... this is gonna hurt but... if any parent found out that their future son-in-law had that kind of attitude towards them... no one would let their daughter marry you.

if you have problems now... then these problems are not going to go away as soon as you get married... in fact will probably get worse.

my advice is that you need to calm down... find out exactly why your future MIL doesn't like you, and address that.

[Abu Mu'adh]

Salaam Akhi,

not so long ago I was in a similar predicament, although it was me who called off the wedding and told my mum to phone her mum and break it to them. It's not an easy decision to make bro but you have to accept it. Have faith in Allah and know Allah has got someone better lined up for you Insh'Allah, although it will be difficult for you mind to percieve this right now. In the mean time keep yourself busy making Ibadaah and trying to increase your imaan and improving your character. And if it is meant to be then it will come to pass.

[Mace]

She's probably just being protective of her precious daughter. As a father, I can understand that. You don't want to start with a major confrontation with your future mother in-law!

If she (the daughter) is the one, it will work out. Don't worry.

[neelu]

I agree with seven on this one. I have a hunch that at times when people don't like a rishta, they use 'bad istikhara' as an excuse and tbh, i think in this case the istikhara is irrelevant. What is relevant is the fact that the disapproval is there and has the potential to derail the relationship, either by stopping the nikah from happening or having the potential to wreak havoc with your marital relationship even if you were to get married. All relationships entail a certain amount of baggage (ie nice girl but has difficult parents etc) and if you're determined to marry this girl, this is your first warning sign that this family situation would be part of the package you'd be having to deal with. You can't isolate her from that or ignore it or throw temper tantrums about it- you just have to assertively state what your needs are (in terms of what you seek from the marriage), fulfil the girls rights once you get married and make sure everyone knows where they stand.

[$HugoBoss$]

Jazakallah for all the responses, i've read every single one. It's very complicated, i know why my mother in law dislikes me but i don't care once i get married she's going to move to either pakistan or abu dhabi anyways. Than my fiance can kiss her mother goodbye which isn't her birth mother anyways.

My fiance is to innocent thats the problem, she does listen to whatever her mom tells her to do, she almost married a guy by force which she disliked. She doesn't even stand up for her own rights, she's too nice of a person.

I have 2 questions:

If i do istikarah and i get a positive sign but my fiance get's a negative sign, what does this mean???? Need a detailed analysis please and i'm only using this scenario as a example.

Is there such thing as positive or negative istikarak, if so what does that mean???

[pur1ty]

:salams bro,

read ur post :( Subhanallah may Allah guide you and make it easy for u.

I've done a bit of research on istikhara, from what I know its u do an istikhara for something what u have already planned to do. So for example your going for a job interview, u do istikhara. If the interview goes well then its a sign that the istikhara was positive, if not then negative. The results are shown in a more tangible way then dreams. Another example being u want to marry some one, u do istikhara and go and ask them/their parents. If they act weird about it then its probably a negative, if they are welcoming u and rejoicing about it then its definitely a positive.

Its very very rare that one should get a dream related to their istikhara, i think its based on ur emaan and piety etc but im not sure on that so dont quote me. I do know that u get signs relating to ur istikhara as your asking Allah for guidance and he will guide u to what is best.

Another thing about praying istikhara - I cant remember the dua off the top of my head - But their is a part that says something like "make me be content with whatever u choose for me" as in the results of the istikhara.

Heres a link u might want to look at: http://www.islam-qa.com/index.php?ref=83709&ln=eng&txt=istikaara

Also: Question:
Assalam-alai-kum,
I was just going to ask wether looking up "Istikarrah"
to get a dream when you sleep about a certain question is
recommended and if so how many times should i do "Istikarrah"
to be sure of what to decide on.
Shukaran.


Answer:

Praise be to Allaah.

There is nothing wrong with repeating Istikhaarah if a person is still not sure what to do. Al-’Allaamah al-Mubaarakpoori said: "Is it liked (mustahabb) to repeat salaat and du’aa’ about a particular issue if one is still confused as to whether it is right to do it or not do it? Al-’Iraaqi said: It seems to be something liked." (Tuhfat al-Ahwadhi, 2/593)

If a person performs Istikhaarah properly, according to Sharee’ah, then he should proceed with the intended action and not wait for a dream or whatever. Many people think that if a person performs Istikhaarah then sleeps straight afterwards, he will see the result in a dream, but this is not correct. A person may do that but not see anything at all in his dream.
For this reason the Muslim should be content with what Islaam has brought, and make a decision based on wisdom. He should consult knowledgeable and intelligent people whom he trusts, study the matter in depth and see which is the best course for him to take. If he decides to do a certain thing or is inclined towards a certain course of action, then he should pray Istikhaarah as it is prescribed in Islaam, then go ahead with the action, trusting that Allaah will choose what is best for him.

Allah knows best akhy.

[Hekmaa]

Call the wedding off :mad:

My mom called me last night and told me to come over because she wanted to talk to me about something. I got a hint on the phone but wasn't a 100% sure.

I'm just gonna make this very short and straight to the point. My future mother in law told my mom yesterday that she did istikarah about me four days a go twice and each time she did it she saw a black snake in her dreams. She told my mom that this isn't a good sign and that the rishta should be broken due to this appearing of a black snake in her dreams.

I'm like seriously what the fudge is going on here, i told my mom that she never wanted this marriage to happen in the first place, she's just making silly excuses and i told my mom i don't believe a single word she's saying.

I did istikarah before and got no signs good or bad and therefore assumed it was ok to go ahead with the marriage. I had a talk with my fiance in the morning and told her why is your mom acting like this for and she said it's better if we talk in person in a shaky tone :confused:

If her mother comes infront of me i swear i'm gonna choke her, i can't believe this. I even missed school today which i rarely do :(

This is honestly the last stress i was looking for, what do you brothers and sisters suggest i do as i don't ever ask for help here but my mind seems clogged at the moment and i can't digest the words of that silly women :rolleyes:


My Dear Brother please listen very carefully, unless your mother in law intends to marry you, her istikhara means very little. Tell your future fiance to make istikhara and you make istikhara as well. Also make a lot of dua, give sadaqa regularly, even if it is couple quid a day, just keep the Sadaqaat flowing.

So please dont stress, comfort your fiance and make sure she isnt stressing, do not over react, and make sure you are firm on your resolve and not eratic. Remember if she is written for you no one can take her away from you.

Hence my brother, fa itha azamat fa tawakal alallah, and when you make an intention, then put your trust into Allah swt.

[parwaaz]

Dear Brother

A Lot of people have already given you good advice:you want to marry that girl, just be calm and cool with her mother and dont do/say things which will stir her up.As you mentioned, if its not the girls biirth mother, she probably does not care much about her feelings.she know might even be thinking of rejecting you so she can marry her off to one of her own relatives and settle them in the country.

So just be patient and show deep gratitude to your "Future Saas", even if right now you are feeling very bad about her!

[Abdul-Curim]

Jazakallah for all the responses, i've read every single one. It's very complicated, i know why my mother in law dislikes me but i don't care once i get married she's going to move to either pakistan or abu dhabi anyways. Than my fiance can kiss her mother goodbye which isn't her birth mother anyways.

My fiance is to innocent thats the problem, she does listen to whatever her mom tells her to do, she almost married a guy by force which she disliked. She doesn't even stand up for her own rights, she's too nice of a person.

I have 2 questions:

If i do istikarah and i get a positive sign but my fiance get's a negative sign, what does this mean???? Need a detailed analysis please and i'm only using this scenario as a example.

Is there such thing as positive or negative istikarak, if so what does that mean???

dude , if you like your fiance a lot and if you're mom-in-law is what you just stated about her then just ignore all her tricks and stick to your decision of marrying this sister .

[IbnAbdulHakim]

Assalamu Alaikum wa Rahmatullah

Naudhubillah,

obey Allaah and things will get better inshaAllah

[shaquille20]

I reckon she should go ahead with her violence plans... If she does, thats one bad mother in law less for this world... aaiitee... what do you guys think?

Violence is a good thing sometimes..

[shaquille20]

..

[GuCcI]

I reckon she should go ahead with her violence plans... If she does, thats one bad mother in law less for this world... aaiitee... what do you guys think?

Violence is a good thing sometimes..


hugo boss is a he?

[mgilani]

Dude you are still Cold ? and you keep changing your avatar................

[GuCcI]

Dude you are still Cold ? and you keep changing your avatar................

r u talking to me???

[Ebony]

If your MIL doesn't want you as her SIL then she obviously wont let you marry her daughter.

You can rant and rave about it all you like.

[Abu Mu'adh]

Move on akhi, have faith in Allah's qadr, Allah will grant you even better Insha'Allah.

[perfectpearl]

bro,

Go on stick to this finacee. Be strong. I know that u really like her...- and were waiting sooo badly to marry her. Some mother in laws are evil. they just ruin lives. Bro stay strong and help ur fiancee stay strong.

Inshaa Allah it will all be well. May Allah help u both.

[mgilani]

r u talking to me???

Ya.........

[bint]

where is this guy? :scratch:

[Redmist]

I agree with all the advice given on this thread.

Bro i think this is a bad sign, i think you should just walk away. I know it must be hard....you really like this girl. But the signs are not good, its not off to a good start.

Just be a man about it and walk away.

[GuCcI]

Ya.........

ya so wats ur problem?

and yes, to answer ur question, i am in fact cold.

[bint]

ya so wats ur problem?

and yes, to answer ur question, i am in fact cold.
hey gucci, where is hugo?

[GuCcI]

hey gucci, where is hugo?

i dont know... i was wondering the exact same thing

[Ebony]

Probably away sweet talking MIL to be :p

[bint]

Probably away sweet talking MIL to be :p
lol. bless him. InshaAllah all goes well for him. he was pretty gutted.:(