Question about marriage

[firehawk]

Hi there folks, I hope you are all in the best of health.

I am currently under a situation of some sort. To give you a background about me, I believe to be a decent reasonable person that makes things simpler rather than complicated, believe in success and happiness and try to help people whereever I can, no matter who it is.

I am a person who believes in professionalism and constructive criticism to improve yourself for the better, and for other people - lead the simpler and healthier life. My career means alot to me and wouldn't let anything come in between it regardless, just love what I do and have achieved ALOT for my age (Thank God) including graduating uni at a very young age and apperently the first one of that age in the country I reside in.

The thing I dislike is people who have a thing for age, I have been put down alot in my life about age - age is nothing but a stupid figure that means nothing and it stops you from reaching your potential and passion in anything - as long as the heart and mind are good, in a good mature level and that works - that's all that matters.

Anyway, babbling on boring you to sleep....Wake up!!

I have been alone all my life pretty much (yes I'm young but that's not the point) and live alone again (due to my work location and my own independance). Sure it's a challange being on your own but I love challanges.

I am just curious to know and for some bizzare reason considering (never thought I ever would, believe me after my experience with women) on having an arranged marriage.

I just want to know, if someone can kindly explain to me without the embarrasment:

1) Would I (the man) be able to choose from say a "list" of women on who I would like to pick to potentially get married to, should everything go well?
2) How long does the engagement have to last before finally calling out the big day?
3) Can the couple still see each other during this engagement and be alone together etc... ?
4) I have a rather very personal and embarrasing question that I cannot ask here as it may well be too rude and I certainly am not like that therefore, should you be curious and want to help me get my answer - please PM me. I prefer women to PM me (in the most respectful way) as it does concern them generally.


Thanks again folks :) Much appreciated for your time!

[bint]

ure a male..i dontthink women will pm u.

so ask the brothers here. they will assist u.

[firehawk]

Thanks bint :)
The thing is, I am too embarrased to ask the last question but don't mean to be. It's not rude at all I don't think but there are some "lines" I don't want to cross and cause any harm or upset anyone at all, as that is not the intention :)

I guess I will post, once I have that confidence but until then, if you and everyone else can help me in the other question - it would be appreciated

[.: Anna :.]

Please do not ask for sisters to PM you, especially concerning private or "embarrasing" matters, its not appropriate...

why not post that matter in the anon section, it will be easier for u insha allah

[bint]

ohyeahhh good idea anna.

firehawk theres a anonymous counselling section..where u can log out and use another name to post ure queries..etc etc. :up:

ill try to answer ure questions..but im not experienced enough so dont expect much.

[bint]

1) Would I (the man) be able to choose from say a "list" of women on who I would like to pick to potentially get married to, should everything go well?
2) How long does the engagement have to last before finally calling out the big day?
3) Can the couple still see each other during this engagement and be alone together etc... ?
4) I have a rather very personal and embarrasing question that I cannot ask here as it may well be too rude and I certainly am not like that therefore, should you be curious and want to help me get my answer - please PM me. I prefer women to PM me (in the most respectful way) as it does concern them generally.


erm..i dunno about a list of women..but why dont u use word of mouth as a recommendation..men go and see the girl at her house..in diff cultures is different ways..but the famous one is the girl gets proposals..n she 'sees' guys..one after the others..it can be the very first guy that comes to 'see' her and she marries him cos shes content with him..happy with him. as for recommendation..see if ure local imam can help you out ? hell as you what ure looking for what type of lass etc etc..
as for engagement..there is no such thing in islam..but our cultures have adopted this ritual as our own..and made it a must..when in reality they shud marry as soon as possible to avoid any type of fornication inshaAllah. the couple for this reason cannot spend ANY time together..nor even touch to put the ring on whislt the 'engagement'.

i hope thats enuf. as for the deep question..consult a brother on the forum..

[firehawk]

Thanks people, it's much appreciated.

It is just hard to understand or "adopt" I guess, on why 2 people who may get married cannot spend time together alone to just talk, see what each other are like, do things together (not unlawful things of course) but just generally to be alone and see the comfortness of each other, without anyone being there if you see what I mean.

In regards to my private question, I shall do as instructed :)

[bint]

no they can..on the first meeting they can see each other and talk to each other. :up: i dunno if second time is allowed. but wantin to know if ure future spouse is she then see if can see her another time with the parents permission. tho cant say if its allowed as i dont know.

[firehawk]

Thanks. I am still interested to hear more about that.

PS - where is the link to the anon forum? :)

[bint]

here ya go!

http://www.ummah.com/forum/forumdisplay.php?f=153

[$HugoBoss$]

I need someone to hear me out, i got a problem, i'll post it anonymous though. It's nothing big, i don't like asking for help but sometimes you need to :up:

[afrasayab]

Hi there folks, I hope you are all in the best of health.

I am currently under a situation of some sort. To give you a background about me, I believe to be a decent reasonable person that makes things simpler rather than complicated, believe in success and happiness and try to help people whereever I can, no matter who it is.

I am a person who believes in professionalism and constructive criticism to improve yourself for the better, and for other people - lead the simpler and healthier life. My career means alot to me and wouldn't let anything come in between it regardless, just love what I do and have achieved ALOT for my age (Thank God) including graduating uni at a very young age and apperently the first one of that age in the country I reside in.

The thing I dislike is people who have a thing for age, I have been put down alot in my life about age - age is nothing but a stupid figure that means nothing and it stops you from reaching your potential and passion in anything - as long as the heart and mind are good, in a good mature level and that works - that's all that matters.

Anyway, babbling on boring you to sleep....Wake up!!

I have been alone all my life pretty much (yes I'm young but that's not the point) and live alone again (due to my work location and my own independance). Sure it's a challange being on your own but I love challanges.

I am just curious to know and for some bizzare reason considering (never thought I ever would, believe me after my experience with women) on having an arranged marriage.

I just want to know, if someone can kindly explain to me without the embarrasment:

1) Would I (the man) be able to choose from say a "list" of women on who I would like to pick to potentially get married to, should everything go well?
2) How long does the engagement have to last before finally calling out the big day?
3) Can the couple still see each other during this engagement and be alone together etc... ?
4) I have a rather very personal and embarrasing question that I cannot ask here as it may well be too rude and I certainly am not like that therefore, should you be curious and want to help me get my answer - please PM me. I prefer women to PM me (in the most respectful way) as it does concern them generally.


Thanks again folks :) Much appreciated for your time!

Dude, you are right when you said your career/goals matter to you more then anything and you will not let anything come between them... :rolleyes:
Seems like you are young and not ready, and ppl are right...

You have a very personal question to ask andyou prefer women to pm you??? ummm.... interesting..

wo kahaty hain hum say, abhi umar nahi hai piyar ke...

[Pro_Candy]

People can spend time together to get to know one another, as long as there is a guardian around for the woman.

Personally, there is no way I'd ever marry a man who I was only able to talk to ONE time and risk the rest of my life on that ONE meeting.

[Pro_Candy]

double post

[imanalistic]

People can spend time together to get to know one another, as long as there is a guardian around for the woman.

Personally, there is no way I'd ever marry a man who I was only able to talk to ONE time and risk the rest of my life on that ONE meeting.

Everyone for themselves.

Here is a fact. You can spend a day, a week, a month, a year, 10 years getting to know a person, but you will never know them until you are married and living with them. so it makes no difference if you only speak to the person once, or spend a year getting to know the person.

[LEILA1961]

i'll second that quote and remember you are also marrying the family not just the person. AS I myelf found out.