View Full Version : Survey for women to answer
Salam alaykum,
I am a male Muslim, but I would like to know which of the Muslim women in this forum would like to answer questions for a survey regarding the Muslim woman's attitude towards marriage, and their views and hopes therein.
I am doing this survey in order to later conduct interviews with the interested women, so that I may write a book or booklet in this respect.
All women are invited to express their interest, whether they are single, married, divorced, widowed, etc., or whether they are young or old. I am trying to gain a range of views accross the spectrum so that I can have specific answers to the questions I have drafted in tihs respect.
Once the women who wish have expressed their interest, then I can start asking my questions, either in this thread or in other threads on this s1ub-forum.
Pro_Candy
04-11-07, 12:10 PM
Ask, and we shall answer.
Seriously, there's no need to ask whether or not we are willing to answer. That's what a discussion forum is all about. Have questions? Ask away.
just put the survey on here and peple will just save the doc and send it back to u.
just put the survey on here and peple will just save the doc and send it back to u.
Good idea. I second that.
aurorascopic
04-11-07, 12:53 PM
willing participant here.
^
Salam Alaykum.
I suppose that the majority of the women members here are not "advanced" in age, so even if you do answer this series of questions or answer as many of them as you can, still I would need to gain a view from women in other stages of their lives, and/or those that have experienced a whole lot in their married lives, both good and bad.
Thus, I will post the questions here, and will denote whether it should be answered by Married women (M), Divorced and Widowed Women (DW), Non-Married women (NM), or by All Women (A). Of course, in all cases it would be obvious which type of woman I am talking about, but I wil denote it at the end as well, just to make it double-certain.
Questions:
1. Which country do you originally come from, and where do you currently live in? (A)
2. What school of thought do you follow? (A)
3. How old are you? (A)
4. How long have you been married? (M) or, How long were you married to your husband? (DW)
5. Would you describe your marriage as happy or unhappy? And what makes you classify it as one or the other? (M) (DW)
6. Have you or did you ever think of ending the marriage or running away from your husband, and if so, why? (M) (DW)
7. If you had 10 Million USD (i.e. total financial independence) would you still stay (or have stayed) with your husband, or try to find a way out through khul', for example? (M) (DW)
8. If you are unmarried and got the above ammount of money, would your criteria for a husband change, or would you still want to get married? (NM)
9. How are Islamic laws concerning marriage followed in your family/community/country? (A)
10. Would you like the following condition (My husband shall not marry any other woman while he is married to me) to be added to your marriage contract (NM) (DW)? Or if you are married, for it to be added at this stage as a sort of mid-marriage marriage contract? (M) Or to your daughter's marriage contract? Or to be asked from your prospective daughter-in-law when she wants to marry your son? (M) (DW)
11. Are you an only wife? (M)
12. Is your husband threatening you (or did he threaten you) with divorce or with marrying another wife if you did not do something he wanted you to do? (M) (DW) Did and does your father threaten your mother with marrying another wife or divorcing her if she does not do what what he wants? (A) [This is just to see if these types of threats are a common bargaining tool in the society. Where I live, these threats are common]
13. Are you working, or do you plan to work? (A)
14. What is your level of education? (A)
15. How much income do you make, and how do you spend it, or who takes it from you (A)?
16. If you are working, will you make it a condition of your marriage that your husband keeps letting you work? (NM)
17. Before marriage, were you/are you aware of the Fiqhi rights of women in Islam with respect to marriage? (A)
18. If your husband suddenly divorces you, or dies, or marries someone else and forgets about you, do you have any way of surviving? (M) (NM) and if this did happen to you, what steps did you take in order to survive? (DW)
19. If your husband does not give you your Islamic rights as a wife, what steps wil you take in order to get them? (NM) (M)
20. Do you favor that extensive negotiation on work, polygamy, division of labor, etc., should be carried out before marriage in order to avert future problems? (A)
21. What do you look forward to in a marriage? (NM) Or, what did you look forward to, and how does that compare with how the marriage actually turned out? (M) (DW)
Here is attached the same questions as a Text file
what dyu mean advanced in age?
for what purpose is this survey ? because the first question worries me greatly.. which country are u from and which contry do u now live in.. because basically this could boil down to a booklet of stats about why this kind of women from x y z country are bad marriage material because of x y z reason, already roumours like this are already rife about the muslim women of this ummah ie: reverts cant understand a born muslims culture, girls from back home are obidient, women from such and such a country/culture refuse to go out to work etc etc.. u get the picture .... so u questionare should include where was ur husband from? what is/was his culture families place of birth? How are Islamic laws concerning marriage followed in your (ex-) husbands family/community/country? ..
because u know men are the other half of the marriage, and if it doesnt work out then that can often be due to the man not doing his responsabilities, and about the 10 million us dollars ..if a wife wanted to ask for khula then money would have nothing to do with it, because she needs a valid reason for kuhla or she wont even smell the fragrance of paradise, so asking a muslim woman if shes staying in a bad marriage where she is opressed to the degree she can get khula, is a bit of an insult to say we are so shallow that we would stay just for the finanical side of it audu billah, anyway ... just a few thoughts
( and the q how much do u earn who takes it from u etc, are not relevant when adressing a muslim woman, because all her money is hers anyway within marriage. :up:)
$HugoBoss$
04-11-07, 07:20 PM
Ask me, me me me :hidban:
*Raises hand up high*
Ask me, me me me :hidban:
*Raises hand up high*
:torture: sit down no1z asking you!
^
1. Which country do you originally come from, and where do you currently live in? (A)
2. What school of thought do you follow? (A)
3. How old are you? (A)
I'm not married, so skipped the inapplicable questions. I'm just answering these for fun, but what is the purpose of this survey?
1- Origin: Pakistani, now in UK
2- Erm Hanafi I guess
3- 30
7. If you had 10 Million USD (i.e. total financial independence) would you still stay (or have stayed) with your husband, or try to find a way out through khul', for example? (M) (DW)
n/a
8. If you are unmarried and got the above ammount of money, would your criteria for a husband change, or would you still want to get married? (NM)
Some recent life experiences taught me some hard lessons about this particular issue. My criterion for a husband wouldn't change and I'd still want to get married. I do think that having a lot of money could potentially change the dynamic of the relationship (as I wouldn't be financially dependant on him so that would be different), but I'd like to think my criterion for a husband is such that I'd be with the sort of person who would be well suited for me regardless of my (or his) financial status.
9. How are Islamic laws concerning marriage followed in your family/community/country? (A)
Family: Not practising but still place a high level of importance of maintaining family ties and loyalty.
Community: More cultural than religious
Country: WAY more cultural than religious
10. Would you like the following condition (My husband shall not marry any other woman while he is married to me) to be added to your marriage contract (NM) (DW)?
No, absolutely not.
12. Did and does your father threaten your mother with marrying another wife or divorcing her if she does not do what what he wants? (A) [This is just to see if these types of threats are a common bargaining tool in the society. Where I live, these threats are common]
No, never, in fact in my brother's marriage it was the other way round (his ex wife threatened to divorce him constantly unless she got her way- in recent months she's carried out that threat).
13. Are you working, or do you plan to work? (A)
Yes and inshallah yes.
14. What is your level of education? (A)
BA
15. How much income do you make, and how do you spend it, or who takes it from you (A)?
I earn very little as I can only work 8 hours per week and most of the time my money is spent on my health; either organic groceries, supplements or alternative medicine.
16. If you are working, will you make it a condition of your marriage that your husband keeps letting you work? (NM)
No, but if he decides that he doesn't want me to work, he'd have to stipulate some pretty good reasons.
17. Before marriage, were you/are you aware of the Fiqhi rights of women in Islam with respect to marriage? (A)
Yes.
18. If your husband suddenly divorces you, or dies, or marries someone else and forgets about you, do you have any way of surviving? (M) (NM)
I wouldn't know unless it actually happened- I cannot predict what my future circumstances would be like.
19. If your husband does not give you your Islamic rights as a wife, what steps wil you take in order to get them? (NM) (M)
Even before marriage, I'd check very thoroughly that the man prioritises Islam in his life so that he wouldn't take a matter such as denying one's Islamic rights lightly. I think if I came across this problem during marriage, then I'd sit him down and talk to him and remind him to fear Allah (swt).
20. Do you favor that extensive negotiation on work, polygamy, division of labor, etc., should be carried out before marriage in order to avert future problems? (A)
I think those issues should be discussed before marriage, yes.
21. What do you look forward to in a marriage? (NM)
Companionship.
Hehe, that was fun:D
Muslimah Wifey
04-11-07, 11:01 PM
Here are my answers:
2. What school of thought do you follow? Shaf'ie
3. How old are you? 23
4. How long have you been married? 1 year
5. Would you describe your marriage as happy or unhappy? And what makes you classify it as one or the other? Extremely happy classified because we are extremely happy lol
6. Have you or did you ever think of ending the marriage or running away from your husband, and if so, why? No alhamdulilah.
7. If you had 10 Million USD (i.e. total financial independence) would you still stay (or have stayed) with your husband, or try to find a way out through khul', for example? Would stay. Women are not shallow that they stay in bad marriages for money just so you know.
10. Would you like the following condition (My husband shall not marry any other woman while he is married to me) to be added to your marriage contract? Or to your daughter's marriage contract? Or to be asked from your prospective daughter-in-law when she wants to marry your son? Was added to the marriage contract that if my husband takes another wife, I will and have the right to divorce and he must pay me a large settlement (we agreed on the amount). As to my daughter, I would let her decide whether that was something she wanted in her contract or not. As to my daughter in law, I would let my son and her decide as to whether that was something they agreed on.
11. Are you an only wife? Yes.
12. Is your husband threatening you (or did he threaten you) with divorce or with marrying another wife if you did not do something he wanted you to do? Has never threatened me, alhamdulilah.
13. Are you working, or do you plan to work? I studying in Uni now and I have not decided yet if I want to work after.
14. What is your level of education? I am working on Masters Degree.
15. How much income do you make, and how do you spend it, or who takes it from you? I make 0 income but I am free to spend my husband's money as I want. I have a credit card for which I charge all purchases and he pays it at the end of every month (so no interest) and he doesn't ever ask me about the charges or the amounts.
17. Before marriage, were you/are you aware of the Fiqhi rights of women in Islam with respect to marriage? Yes.
18. If your husband suddenly divorces you, or dies, or marries someone else and forgets about you, do you have any way of surviving? Yes alhamdulilah.
19. If your husband does not give you your Islamic rights as a wife, what steps wil you take in order to get them? I don't think this would ever happen because I have a husband who fears Allah alhamdulilah but I would probably tell my father and his father (who has also accepted me like a daughter) and have a meeting with all of us, as if he did sometime need a little reminder, there is nothing like my father and his father to drive home the message. :)
20. Do you favor that extensive negotiation on work, polygamy, division of labor, etc., should be carried out before marriage in order to avert future problems? Yes.
21.what did you look forward to, and how does that compare with how the marriage actually turned out? I was always one who was very scared to marry. I always used to say, I will never get married. I had a vision of marriage being a dictatorship of a husband. I feared being in an abusive relationship. But alhamdulilah marriage is nothing like that. And it is not just husbands and wives fulfilling rights to eachother. The marriage bond, seeing eachother day in and out really creates a love and care that I have never had for anyone. Also, when arguments occur, my husband listens to my side always and when he is in the wrong he is the first to apologize. Before marriage I thought men just don't care when their wives are mad or upset. He would do anything to make me happy and I would do anything to make him happy. Marriage life is bliss and I hope all my unmarried sisters who are as nervous about it as I was, if a man comes who fears Allah she will make istikhara and if everything is good on it, I hope she will find the courage to just say bismillah and embark upon a marriage that I hope she will see is the biggest blessing of her life, as marriage for me truely has been the biggest blessing of my life, and I thank Allah every day for that!
^
what dyu mean advanced in age?
I mean someone who is a grandmother, or has at least lived a long life so that they can give their viewpoints from a different angle than say the ones who are younger.
^
and about the 10 million us dollars ..if a wife wanted to ask for khula then money would have nothing to do with it, because she needs a valid reason for kuhla or she wont even smell the fragrance of paradise, so asking a muslim woman if shes staying in a bad marriage where she is opressed to the degree she can get khula, is a bit of an insult to say we are so shallow that we would stay just for the finanical side of it audu billah, anyway ... just a few thoughts
What I was saying is that in some cases, perhaps the woman has to stay because she has no way out of the marriage. In one case, the woman asked for khul' but she had no money to pay back, so she was put in jail by the judge. Or in other cases, the woman who wishes to ask for khul' has no way of supporting herself after the intended divorce (maybe she has no money because she did not work due to her husband's wishes, etc.)
( and the q how much do u earn who takes it from u etc, are not relevant when adressing a muslim woman, because all her money is hers anyway within marriage.
The money should be hers, but I know that in the place I live, in many cases the unemployed man will marry a woman who works and will take her money. The worst part of all is that the woman may complain to other women that this is happening, but there is little support for her to face her husband directly in this respect.
^
I see that some women have posted their answers to my uestion, wa Alhmadullilah.
I will relay these answers to the people I am working with, and then see how I can continue with the process. Chances are that I will ask each sister who answered further questions, based on the already given answers. However, if any of the sisters who have already answered do not wish to pursue the matter any further, that is also fine.
One thing I would kindly request from the sisters, is if they could find women who have been married for "quite a long time", and also those that divorced after being married for "quite a long time" (i.e. Muslim women over the age of 40 or so). I do not know about the chances that they will come to this forum to answer the questions, but I think it may be possible for them to see and comment on the questions I have if some sisters give it to them.
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