arrrrggghhh parents...

[ibn suleman]

What the mind wants the mind gets, a strange concept but true many times,
people complain about getting into arguments with their parents all the time, any small thing and there would be an argument. But the reality is that if that' your attitude then thats what you'll get.

You come home late from some event, you think to yourself "oh no dad's gonna be angry cos i'm late" so you prepare yourself for this...

you enter the house, say salaams and then your dad asks.."why are you late?" and thats it..you fly off on one.."im an adult now, i can be late, i dont need your permission...blah blah blah..
over such a small irrelevant thing, maybe all your dad wanted to know is to make sure you were ok...

Most of the time arguments with your parents are caused by our own actions, its all to easy to blame them,

Allah tells us in the Qur'an "And your Lord has decreed that you worship none but Him, and that you be dutiful to your parents." (17;23)

and there are many other verses that tell us to be dutiful, kind and obedient to our parents...

but when marriage issues come up, many a time all the Islamic adaab with regards to parents is thrown out of the window...

If your parents refuse to allow you to marry someone, usually the reason we feel it is because our parents are backwards acting out ignorance against Islam and only want to follow culture.

Your "love of your life" who you have met couple of times has taken so much control of your heart that a lifetime of what your parents have done for you has vanished and ill thoughts towards them have started...is this what Islam teaches?

parents do make mistakes, and yes they may have cultural and non-islamic attitudes that influence the decision they make, but there is a right way and a wrong way to deal with that.

We have to understand, that no matter what we think in most cases our parents have a looooot more wisdom and knowledge of the world than us. they have seen a lot more and done a lot more, they have emigrated to foreign countries with pennies in their pockets working 15 hours a day, and supporting families, they have fought in wars, they have seen poverty and famine, death and destruction more than we can begin to imagine so give them some credit.

and especially sisters, when they have someone in mind for marriage, remember that women by nature are more emotional than men and emotions do cloud judgement, and this is why in a mothers eyes, a child can do no wrong.

So sisters your wali is there for a reason, because he may see things that you do not in a persons character, so respect his decision and if you still feel its wrong then discuss it with him in an Islamic manner.

Remember parents want the best for their children, they want their children to be happy and safe, why do they want you to become a doctor or engineer? no, its not because they want to show off to the uncles "oh my son/daughter is a doctor", no they want you to have a secure job and want you to be able to look after yourself once they are no longer here.

Respect your parents..

maybe when we have our own kids we'll realise how much hurt we cause our parents.

hmm i dont think anyones reading this far..ah well :p just some ramblings i guess...

[munyeka]

Well my Daddy is not my door to Jannah for any old reason
and my Jannah does not lie beneath the feet of my Mummy for any old reason.

There are moments when it is so truly difficult to tell my "stupid nafs" to be quiet and be patient in serving Mummy and Daddy. Sometimes it so difficult to forgoe what you want just to keep Mummy and Daddy happy. Jannah is not a cheap commodity. We have to strive hard, we have be patient....

Aside from Jannah.....you get the pleasure of Allah. And when a life in which you please Allah will not be life without blessings!

I wish we could all realise this!

[sunrise]

:salams

i think when parents object to marriage isn't it funny how we always jump to thinking it's to do with race f-ing and blinding

subhanAllah even when they are kaffirs we r sopsoed 2 respect them...

i pray we respect and are dutiful to our parents and that we grow to understand each other better

you know some of our parents esp mothers they work, they have2 do hosue wrk andd look after children..im suprised they even remember they have families at the end of the day...for once let's think how it's like to be in their shoes and get this pee wee answering back :rubeyes:

[Chained_Water]

Very well said bro mashaAllah :up:

'Tis very true :(

[Kal-El]

I just can't imagine that bruv, you're like the Hulk :rubeyes: Can't see you afraid of a train let alone that lol

[abood]

ASSALAM ALAIKUM,
subhanALLAH brother...u r very right....it just touched my heart....:crying2::crying2::crying2:
may ALLAH bless u and may ALLAH make us obedient and respectful to our parents..
wassalam.

[Bint Yusuf]

MashAllah, jazakAllahu khayr akhii, some good naseeha...!!:up:

[angel*]

sooo true that wasnt ramblings Ibby but a gr8 naseeha and how true it is. Parents mean the world 2 us and we 2 them we shuld never treat them without adaab no matter what.

[muslimaa1]

Aslamalakum

JuzakAllah khair for that nasiha.

You have made some really good points.MashAllah

[zammy]

that's so true, jazakallah kheyr for your beneficial "ramblings" ibn suls. Sometimes it can be really hard to keep your cool with your parents but you have to learn to let it slide and not take some things too much to heart..at the end they're only looking out for you. The only 2 people that can never be jealous of you are your parents, let's keep that in mind.

[ibn suleman]

wa iyyakum...

I just can't imagine that bruv, you're like the Hulk :rubeyes: Can't see you afraid of a train let alone that lol


:scratch: wha u mean?

that's so true, jazakallah kheyr for your beneficial "ramblings" ibn suls. Sometimes it can be really hard to keep your cool with your parents but you have to learn to let it slide and not take some things too much to heart..at the end they're only looking out for you. The only 2 people that can never be jealous of you are your parents, let's keep that in mind.

absolutely, masha'Allah

[Hafsah]

mashaAllaah very good points

something most of us need to take into consideration

its so true that when we've done something we know our parents arent gonna be pleased with (even coming home a few hours late),or if our parents want us to do or even consider something,we come up with these whole load of rationalisations and arguments in our heads,making it difficult to even have a conversation without going into argument mode, we should try and consider our parents feeling more

this might sound mad,but i know when my parents come home late when using public transport,or if they've gone somewhere i don't know,i worry about them like mad 'what if they miss their train/bus,what if there is some rowdy kids/drunks,what if they've had an accident', and i can imagine that when its me they must be thinking of 100's of other scenarios

even though sometimes our parents have a weird way of showing it, they only want whats best for us, so if they over look that bus driving beardo for a doctor...its because they want you to have the best in life (and maybe that doctor is a better muslim..Allaahualum)

[Pro_Candy]

this might sound mad,but i know when my parents come home late when using public transport,or if they've gone somewhere i don't know,i worry about them like mad 'what if they miss their train/bus,what if there is some rowdy kids/drunks,what if they've had an accident', and i can imagine that when its me they must be thinking of 100's of other scenarios

Thats what it's like for parents, only, it's a lot worse. Parents are responsible for their kids, their safety, their well being. Where a child worries about parents when they are late, the parents are adults and more capable of handling situations thrown their way. But, reverse the situation, and a younger person, child, teen, is more likely to panic in a situation than an adult. And parents worry like crazy.

even though sometimes our parents have a weird way of showing it, they only want whats best for us, so if they over look that bus driving beardo for a doctor...its because they want you to have the best in life (and maybe that doctor is a better muslim..Allaahualum)

True!

[$$aish4h$$]

allhamdullilah
i might be young buh i have learnt that our parents might say some thjings that sound very orquad but it always has a measning thank u brother

[Rosalie-Beauty]

Live on the defensive, only strike out if your provoked. Why cause irrelevent problems?

[$HugoBoss$]

What the mind wants the mind gets, a strange concept but true many times,
people complain about getting into arguments with their parents all the time, any small thing and there would be an argument. But the reality is that if that' your attitude then thats what you'll get.

You come home late from some event, you think to yourself "oh no dad's gonna be angry cos i'm late" so you prepare yourself for this...

you enter the house, say salaams and then your dad asks.."why are you late?" and thats it..you fly off on one.."im an adult now, i can be late, i dont need your permission...blah blah blah..
over such a small irrelevant thing, maybe all your dad wanted to know is to make sure you were ok...

Most of the time arguments with your parents are caused by our own actions, its all to easy to blame them,

Allah tells us in the Qur'an "And your Lord has decreed that you worship none but Him, and that you be dutiful to your parents." (17;23)

and there are many other verses that tell us to be dutiful, kind and obedient to our parents...

but when marriage issues come up, many a time all the Islamic adaab with regards to parents is thrown out of the window...

If your parents refuse to allow you to marry someone, usually the reason we feel it is because our parents are backwards acting out ignorance against Islam and only want to follow culture.

Your "love of your life" who you have met couple of times has taken so much control of your heart that a lifetime of what your parents have done for you has vanished and ill thoughts towards them have started...is this what Islam teaches?

parents do make mistakes, and yes they may have cultural and non-islamic attitudes that influence the decision they make, but there is a right way and a wrong way to deal with that.

We have to understand, that no matter what we think in most cases our parents have a looooot more wisdom and knowledge of the world than us. they have seen a lot more and done a lot more, they have emigrated to foreign countries with pennies in their pockets working 15 hours a day, and supporting families, they have fought in wars, they have seen poverty and famine, death and destruction more than we can begin to imagine so give them some credit.

and especially sisters, when they have someone in mind for marriage, remember that women by nature are more emotional than men and emotions do cloud judgement, and this is why in a mothers eyes, a child can do no wrong.

So sisters your wali is there for a reason, because he may see things that you do not in a persons character, so respect his decision and if you still feel its wrong then discuss it with him in an Islamic manner.

Remember parents want the best for their children, they want their children to be happy and safe, why do they want you to become a doctor or engineer? no, its not because they want to show off to the uncles "oh my son/daughter is a doctor", no they want you to have a secure job and want you to be able to look after yourself once they are no longer here.

Respect your parents..

maybe when we have our own kids we'll realise how much hurt we cause our parents.
hmm i dont think anyones reading this far..ah well :p just some ramblings i guess...

My mom use to use that line on me all the time, it's true bro. I think the same for my sister, she comes home late sometimes with her friends. You'll only realise this when you grow older and have kids of your own, caring for a loved one :up:

[Medievalist]

Yeh, all you kids should learn to respect your parents :torture: