Feeling frustrated/sad when hearing the news someone getting/gotten married

[sis_niqabi]

Asalamu Alaikum

i know i might sound like a horrible person saying this. but i get so frustrated and depressed when i hear someone i know is getting or has gotten married. i feel as though why am i not married yet. i have been waiting around forever and nada and not one suitor has come along. and i think what is wrong with me.

does anyone else get this feeling? it's not that im not happy for the person getting married it just makes me feel bad because i haven't met mr.right yet and still in my parents house.

urrgh i hate this feeling!:mad:

and lately i have just been feeling more frustrated then usually.

[Medievalist]

Your not alone in this. Many many practicing people feel frustrated at not being married; it seems everyone else is getting hitched but you. Make sabr and whoever ALLAH Ta'ala has destined for you will come along. It is perhaps a sign of weakness and a malady of the heart to feel jealous at other peoples weddings (snd thats not a comment on you, perhaps more a self-analysis of my past) but ALLAH forgive us and grant us contentment.

In regards no suitors, perhaps your parents are unaware that you are interested in marriage (?) Obviously it depends on your age, but if you are particularly young or seem uninterested then your parents might not be aware of your desire for marriage. Perhaps consult with an older sister, or your mother or a young aunty/cousin who can broach the subject with your mother.

ALLAH khush farmay - ameen

[Zaina in Jena]

Asalamu Alaikum

i know i might sound like a horrible person saying this. but i get so frustrated and depressed when i hear someone i know is getting or has gotten married. i feel as though why am i not married yet. i have been waiting around forever and nada and not one suitor has come along. and i think what is wrong with me.

does anyone else get this feeling? it's not that im not happy for the person getting married it just makes me feel bad because i haven't met mr.right yet and still in my parents house.

urrgh i hate this feeling!:mad:

and lately i have just been feeling more frustrated then usually.

My dear beautiful sister please to not feel depressed an NO you do not sound like a horrible person either you sound like a real person:there:. We all know how hard it is to find someone that can "Keep it real" :up:. As a woman I can't speak for those I don't know, but many of the ones I do know myself included have all had some of the same feelings at some point. When ever I have any feelings like this or of the like I always reflect on what I have been blessed with how long or short it took to come and I give thanks and praise to Allah for that. Then I think about those who have what it is I think I need right at the present time and I thank him for allowing me to see someone else's happiness and I ask him to please grant me the peace of mind to be happy with what I do have until he is ready to change it. As hard as it seems then I do everything in my power to not think about it and to distract myself from it because it always seems to me that when ever I am not so focused on making a thing happen is when it always happens. It took me six years to find a husband and Alhamdulilaah I am so happy to say I am glad that it did, because NO OTHER MAN could ever compare:inlove::inlove:. Insha Allah this helped sister I love you for the sake of Allah and I will keep you in my duua.
Salaam

[.: Anna :.]

Sis I think u should seek refuge with Allah from this because it's not right. We have to want for others what we want for ourselves, so this feeling is a little bit against that. I do understand kind of how you mean but try not to feel like this and instead make a lot of dua and have tawakkul that Allah will provide someone for you and resolve ur situation. And when you do hear their news make sure to say masha Allah and everything because you do not inadvertantly want to give them evil eye...

[sis_niqabi]

Your not alone in this. Many many practicing people feel frustrated at not being married; it seems everyone else is getting hitched but you. Make sabr and whoever ALLAH Ta'ala has destined for you will come along. It is perhaps a sign of weakness and a malady of the heart to feel jealous at other peoples weddings (snd thats not a comment on you, perhaps more a self-analysis of my past) but ALLAH forgive us and grant us contentment.

In regards no suitors, perhaps your parents are unaware that you are interested in marriage (?) Obviously it depends on your age, but if you are particularly young or seem uninterested then your parents might not be aware of your desire for marriage. Perhaps consult with an older sister, or your mother or a young aunty/cousin who can broach the subject with your mother.

ALLAH khush farmay - ameen

yes my parents are aware. but my mom says my father can't a any one for me at the moment. it has been 2 years. my parents say i could marry someone from back home (in US) but i don't want to live there. the area i come from just has too much fitna.

and the country i live in now doesn't have many religious men. so basically i have to wait until someone religious comes along.

and im not jealous of others. it is just make me frustrated because i haven't found anyone yet. and it makes me feel bad.

[Medievalist]

Back home for you is US? Make mashwarah with your mother and sisters and seek there assistance. ALLAH khush farmay - ameen

[munyeka]

Dont worry I know the feeling!

[Neena77]

Salams,

Sadly there are many girls in your position.
I had a conversation with a muslim brother recently who advised me that for men, trying to choose a girl is like trying to choose a packet of digestive biscuits at the supermarket:-( Basically,there is a lot of choice and men always 'look for better'.
What can we do I asked him? His advice-hard to take, but a good reality check i thought- put a timeframe on how long we should spend looking for a husband, don't obsess about it and if it does not happen, then do something else...learn more about the faith or excel in your work and become a role model for younger muslims..
We cannot magic up suitable muslim men, we cannot and should not force brothers to marry us, maybe were not their brand of 'biscuits'...we can only pray that Allah that we are able to complete half our deen through marriage.
To sum up: life sucks, people let you down, and we get tested on our hearts desires...what can we do,apart from pray and trust in Allah?

I just hope it gets easier as I get older....no sign of it yet though:-(

[Cristiana]

Salama aleykum sister,

I don't think your reaction is horrible, as long as you don't let the people involved believe you are not happy for them.

Put your trust in Allah, the time will come for YOU to get married when He wills :inlove: insha'Allah it will be soon :inlove:

[Abu Nuh AMW]

Sis I think u should seek refuge with Allah from this because it's not right. We have to want for others what we want for ourselves, so this feeling is a little bit against that. I do understand kind of how you mean but try not to feel like this and instead make a lot of dua and have tawakkul that Allah will provide someone for you and resolve ur situation. And when you do hear their news make sure to say masha Allah and everything because you do not inadvertantly want to give them evil eye...
:up: masha;Allah I agree with this mainly.

Make a lot of du'aa for the people that you 'get angry at'.
Make du'aa that more of your unmarried friends get married soon.

and the Mala'ikah will make du'aa that the same shall happen to you.

[SisterIslam]

In which Muslim country do you live?

[Stylish-Girly]

Sis_Niqabi my beautiful sister, Mr Right will come along when the times right

[sis_niqabi]

Sis_Niqabi my beautiful sister, Mr Right will come along when the times right

i know someone will come along when the time is right. but i just wish that time was now :(. it would be great if we all could just snap our fingers and mr.right would be standing at the door lol.

Back home for you is US? Make mashwarah with your mother and sisters and seek there assistance. ALLAH khush farmay - ameen

what is mashwarah?

Salams, put a timeframe on how long we should spend looking for a husband, don't obsess about it and if it does not happen, then do something else...learn more about the faith or excel in your work and become a role model for younger muslims..


i had put a time frame. when i told my parents i wanted to get married i planned to get married within a year. now it is 2 years later. i guess i need to give myself more time.

[fisabilllillah]

sister.........if u ever feel frustrated think about your purpose in this life....everything can be either for u or against u that includes marriage ....All is dunya....Remeber everything of the life of this world will perish and the only thing left is our deeds. what allah wills is for the best. we spend all this time chasing dua....In the mean time, i wud advise you to consult ur parents about your need to get married and complete half your deen. If you still cant find anyone go and ask the masjid or other organisations and matrimonial services. Inshallah khair. Remember emaan is sabr and wen u strive for allahs sake u will see the fruit of it and u will gain complete reward.

In the meantime, think about the akhira, think aboutother things u can be doing that may distract u from feeling lonely such as taking part in sisters circles, dawah, teaching others about islam etc etc. But yes inshallah, it is important that u dont give up and u search for your potential spouse. The best thing u can do right now is have trust/tawakal in allah aazawjal and he will grant wat is best for u. Make dua, continous dua and wish for others wat u wish for urself..that is part of sabr and emmaan...

[Enigma Dreamer]

Sister, my advice will be remian patient and steadfast in Allah's worship. Do you even for a second think that the One Who took care of you all this time, developed you into who you are today will forsake you? He loves you more than your parents; He knows what is best for you. Remian patient, pray a lot and inshaaAllah, the right brother will come.

[fisabilllillah]

This is surah takathur......its very good reminder..and help us to refocus and not be frustrated or sad about all things dunya................

In the Name of Allah, the Most Gracious, the Most Merciful.


[أَلْهَـكُمُ التَّكَّاثُرُ - حَتَّى زُرْتُمُ الْمَقَابِرَ - كَلاَّ سَوْفَ تَعْلَمُونَ - ثُمَّ كَلاَّ سَوْفَ تَعْلَمُونَ - كَلاَّ لَوْ تَعْلَمُونَ عِلْمَ الْيَقِينِ - لَتَرَوُنَّ الْجَحِيمَ - ثُمَّ لَتَرَوُنَّهَا عَيْنَ الْيَقِينِ - ثُمَّ لَتُسْـَلُنَّ يَوْمَئِذٍ عَنِ النَّعِيمِ ]


(1. The mutual increase diverts you,) (2. Until you visit the graves.) (3. Nay! You shall come to know!) (4. Again nay! You shall come to know!) (4. Again nay! You shall come to know!) (5. Nay! If you knew with a sure knowledge.) (6. Verily, you shall see the blazing Fire!) (7. And again, you shall see it with certainty of sight!) (8. Then on that Day you shall be asked about the delights!)
i will post the tafseer

(according to ibn katheeers interpretation it is reffering to the halal dunya....

[fisabilllillah]

The Result of Loving the World and Heedlessness of the Hereafter


Allah says that all are preoccupied by love of the world, its delights and its adornments, and this distracts you from seeking the Hereafter and desiring it. This delays you until death comes to you and you visit the graves, thus becoming its inhabitants. In Sahih Al-Bukhari, it is recorded in the Book of Ar-Riqaq (Narrations that soften the Heart) from Anas bin Malik, who reported that Ubayy bin Ka`b said, "We used to think that this was a part of the Qur'an until the Ayah was revealed which says;


[أَلْهَـكُمُ التَّكَّاثُرُ ]


(The mutual increase diverts you.)'' He was referring to the Hadith in which the Prophet said,


«لَوْ كَانَ لِابْنِ آدَمَ وَادٍ مِنْ ذَهَب»


(If the Son of Adam had a valley of gold, he would desire another like it...) Imam Ahmad recorded from `Abdullah bin Ash-Shikhkhir that he said, "I came to the Messenger of Allah while he was saying,


[أَلْهَـكُمُ التَّكَّاثُرُ ]


يَقُولُ ابْنُ آدَمَ: مَالِي مَالِي، وَهَلْ لَكَ مِنْ مَالِكَ إِلَّا مَا أَكَلْتَ فَأَفْنَـيْتَ، أَوْ لَبِسْتَ فَأَبْلَيْتَ، أَوْ تَصَدَّقْتَ فَأَمْضَيْتَ؟»


((The mutual increase diverts you.)'' He was referring to the Hadith in which the Prophet said,


«لَوْ كَانَ لِابْنِ آدَمَ وَادٍ مِنْ ذَهَب»


(If the Son of Adam had a valley of gold, he would desire another like it...) Imam Ahmad recorded from `Abdullah bin Ash-Shikhkhir that he said, "I came to the Messenger of Allah while he was saying,


[أَلْهَـكُمُ التَّكَّاثُرُ ]


يَقُولُ ابْنُ آدَمَ: مَالِي مَالِي، وَهَلْ لَكَ مِنْ مَالِكَ إِلَّا مَا أَكَلْتَ فَأَفْنَـيْتَ، أَوْ لَبِسْتَ فَأَبْلَيْتَ، أَوْ تَصَدَّقْتَ فَأَمْضَيْتَ؟»


((The mutual increase diverts you.)( The Son of Adam says, "My wealth, my wealth.'' But do you get anything (of benefit) from your wealth except for that which you ate and you finished it, or that which you clothed yourself with and you wore it out, or that which you gave as charity and you have spent it)'' Muslim, At-Tirmidhi and An-Nasa'i also recorded this Hadith. Muslim recorded in his Sahih from Abu Hurayrah that the Messenger of Allah said,


«يَقُولُ الْعَبْدُ: مَالِي مَالِي، وَإِنَّمَا لَهُ مِنْ مَالِهِ ثَلَاثٌ: مَا أَكَلَ فَأَفْنَى، أَوْ لَبِسَ فَأَبْلَى، أَوْ تَصَدَّقَ فَأَمْضَى، وَمَا سِوَى ذَلِكَ فَذَاهِبٌ وَتَارِكُهُ لِلنَّاس»


(The servant says "My wealth, my wealth.'' Yet he only gets three (benefits) from his wealth: that which he eats and finishes, that which he eats and finishes, that which he wears until it is worn out, or that which he gives in charity and it is spent. Everything else other than that will go away and leave him for the people.) Muslim was alone in recording this Hadith. Al-Bukhari recorded from Anas bin Malik that the Messenger of Allah said,


«يَتْبَعُ الْمَيِّتَ ثَلَاثَةٌ، فَيَرْجِعُ اثْنَانِ وَيَبْقَى مَعَهُ وَاحِدٌ: يَتْبَعُهُ أَهْلُهُ وَمَالُهُ وَعَمَلُهُ، فَيَرْجِعُ أَهْلُهُ وَمَالُهُ، وَيَبْقَى عَمَلُه»


(Three things follow the deceased person, and two of them return while one remains behind with him. The things which follow him are his family, his wealth and his deeds. His family and his wealth return while his deeds remain.) This Hadith has also been recorded by Muslim, At-Tirmidhi and An-Nasa'i. Imam Ahmad recorded from Anas that the Prophet said,

«يَهْرَمُ ابْنُ آدَمَ وَيَبْقَى مِنْهُ اثْنَتَانِ: الْحِرْصُ وَالْأَمَل»


(The Son of Adam becomes old with senility, but yet two things remain with him: greed and hope.) Both of them (Al-Bukhari and Muslim) recorded this Hadith in the Two Sahihs.

[fisabilllillah]

The Threat of seeing Hell and being questioned about the Delights


[كَلاَّ سَوْفَ تَعْلَمُونَ - ثُمَّ كَلاَّ سَوْفَ تَعْلَمُونَ ]


(Nay! you shall come to know! Again nay! you shall come to know!) Al-Hasan Al-Basri said, "This is a threat after a threat.'' Ad-Dahhak said,


[كَلاَّ سَوْفَ تَعْلَمُونَ ]


(Nay! you shall come to know!) "Meaning, `O you disbelievers.'


[ثُمَّ كَلاَّ سَوْفَ تَعْلَمُونَ ]


(Again nay! you shall come to know!) meaning, `O you believers.''' Then Allah says,


[كَلاَّ لَوْ تَعْلَمُونَ عِلْمَ الْيَقِينِ ]


(Nay! you shall come to know! Again nay! you shall come to know!) Al-Hasan Al-Basri said, "This is a threat after a threat.'' Ad-Dahhak said,


[كَلاَّ سَوْفَ تَعْلَمُونَ ]


(Nay! you shall come to know!) "Meaning, `O you disbelievers.'


[ثُمَّ كَلاَّ سَوْفَ تَعْلَمُونَ ]


(Again nay! you shall come to know!) meaning, `O you believers.''' Then Allah says,


[كَلاَّ لَوْ تَعْلَمُونَ عِلْمَ الْيَقِينِ ]


(Nay! If you knew with a sure knowledge.) meaning, `if you knew with true knowledge, you would not be diverted by rivalry for wealth away from seeking the abode of the Hereafter until you reach the graves.' Then Allah says,


[لَتَرَوُنَّ الْجَحِيمَ - ثُمَّ لَتَرَوُنَّهَا عَيْنَ الْيَقِينِ ]


(Verily, you shall see the blazing Fire! And again you shall see it with certainty of sight!) This is the explanation of the previous threat which was in Allah's saying,


[كَلاَّ سَوْفَ تَعْلَمُونَ - ثُمَّ كَلاَّ سَوْفَ تَعْلَمُونَ ]


(Nay! you shall come to know! Again nay! you shall come to know!) Thus, Allah threatens them with this situation, which is what the people of the Fire will see. It is a Fire, which if it exhaled one breath, every angel who is near (to Allah) and every Prophet who was sent would all fall down on their knees due to fear, awe and the sight of its horrors. This is based upon what has been reported in the narrations concerning it. Allah then says,


[ثُمَّ لَتُسْـَلُنَّ يَوْمَئِذٍ عَنِ النَّعِيمِ ]


(Then on that Day you shall be asked about the delights!) meaning, `on that Day you all will be questioned concerning your gratitude towards the favors that Allah blessed you with, such as health, safety, sustenance and other things. You will be asked did you return His favors by being thankful to Him and worshipping Him.' Ibn Jarir recorded that Al-Husayn bin `Ali As-Suda'i narrated to him from Al-Walid bin Al-Qasim, who reported from Yazid bin Kaysan, who reported from Abi Hazim, who reported from Abu Hurayrah that he said, "Once while Abu Bakr and `Umar were sitting, the Prophet came to them and said,


«مَا أَجْلَسَكُمَا ههُنَا؟»


(What has caused you two to sit here) They replied, `By He Who has sent you with the truth, nothing has brought us out of our houses except hunger.' The Prophet said,


«وَالَّذِي بَعَثَنِي بِالْحَقِّ مَا أَخْرَجَنِي غَيْرُه»


(By He Who has sent me with the truth, nothing has brought me out other than this.) So they went until they came to the house of a man from the Ansar, and the woman of the house received them. The Prophet said to her,


«أَيْنَ فُلَانٌ؟»


(Where is so-and-so) She replied, `He went to fetch some drinking water for us.' So the man came carrying his bucket and he said, `Welcome. Nothing has visited the servants (of Allah) better than a Prophet who has visited me today.' Then he hung his bucket near a palm tree, and climbed it and returned to them with a cluster of dates. So the Prophet said,


«أَلَا كُنْتَ اجْتَنَـيْتَ؟»


Why didn't you pick (some of them)) The man replied, `I wanted you to choose with your own eyes.' Then he took a blade (to slaughter a sheep) and the Prophet said,


«إِيَّاكَ وَالْحَلُوب»


(Do not slaughter one that gives milk.) So he slaughtered a sheep for them that day and they all ate. Then the Prophet said,


«لَتُسْأَلُنَّ عَنْ هَذَا يَوْمَ الْقِيَامَةِ، أَخْرَجَكُمْ مِنْ بُيُوتِكُمُ الْجُوعُ، فَلَمْ تَرْجِعُوا حَتَّى أَصَبْتُمْ هَذَا، فَهَذَا مِنَ النَّعِيم»


(You will be asked about this on the Day of Judgement. Hunger caused you to come out of your homes and you did not return until you had eaten this meal. So this is from the delights.)'' Muslim also recorded this Hadith. It has been confirmed in Sahih Al-Bukhari and the Sunans of At-Tirmidhi, An-Nasa'i and Ibn Majah from Ibn `Abbas that the Messenger of Allah said,


«نِعْمَتَانِ مَغْبُونٌ فِيهِمَا كَثِيرٌ مِنَ النَّاسِ: الصِّحَّةُ وَالْفَرَاغ»


(Two favors are treated unjustly by most people: health and free time.) This means that the people are lacking gratitude for these two favors. They do fulfill their obligations to them. Therefore, whoever does not maintain the right that is obligatory upon him, then he is unjust. Imam Ahmad recorded from Abu Hurayrah that the Prophet said,


«يَقُولُ اللهُ عَزَّ وَجَلَّ قال عفان: يَوْمَ الْقِيَامَةِ : يَا ابْنَ آدَمَ، حَمَلْتُكَ عَلَى الْخَيْلِ وَالْإِبِلِ، وَزَوَّجْتُكَ النِّسَاءَ، وَجَعَلْتُكَ تَرْبَعُ وَتَرْأَسُ، فَأَيْنَ شُكْرُ ذَلِكَ؟»


(Allah the Mighty and Majestic says on the Day of Judgement, "O Son of Adam! I made you ride upon the horses and camels, I gave you women to marry, and I made you reside and rule (in the earth). So where is the thanks for that'') Ahmad was alone in recording this Hadith in this manner. This is the end of the Tafsir of Surat At-Takathur, and all praise and blessings are due to Allah.

[fisabilllillah]

What i learn from this surah is that even halal dunya ......Allah will question that halal dunya, marriage and wealth on youmal qiyama....may allah protect us all...........ameen

[.: Anna :.]

what is mashwarah?

consulting with them?

[neelu]

I don't feel sad when I hear of someone else getting married but what does frustrate me is one particular thing that's changed over the years. During my late teens/early 20s, a lot more of my friends were still single or were students so it was easier to just meet up spontaneously or call them up for a chat. Now that I'm 30, so many of my friends are now married with children, it means they become so wrapped up in their busy lives that almost none of them have time for even a phone call and I find that quite annoying (I don't care if anyone thinks I'm selfish for saying it, I'll say it anyway). Their excuse is "Just wait till it's your turn to get married and have kids inshallah- you'll find yourself as busy as us!".

[Neena77]

Sister, my advice will be remian patient and steadfast in Allah's worship. Do you even for a second think that the One Who took care of you all this time, developed you into who you are today will forsake you? He loves you more than your parents; He knows what is best for you. Remian patient, pray a lot and inshaaAllah, the right brother will come.

Salams,

What you have said has actually touched an old cynic like me:-)

Thank you:o

[Fairy]

Sometimes when someone younger than me gets married, i feel rather embarrassed. I am in my early 20's so not really bothered about marriage, if it happens it happens etc. You're right though, a lot of my friends are married and have got their first kids. Their lives are completely different to mine!

[Hello:)]

i understand ur feelings, but some day inshallah u'll get married, u never know may be tomorrow a suitor will come to take ur hand in marrige :)

[Debater]

Asalamu Alaikum

i know i might sound like a horrible person saying this. but i get so frustrated and depressed when i hear someone i know is getting or has gotten married. i feel as though why am i not married yet. i have been waiting around forever and nada and not one suitor has come along. and i think what is wrong with me.

does anyone else get this feeling? it's not that im not happy for the person getting married it just makes me feel bad because i haven't met mr.right yet and still in my parents house.

urrgh i hate this feeling!:mad:

and lately i have just been feeling more frustrated then usually.
Well, I have this feeling for centuries, not a big deal, all my friends got married and are fathers of kids, but don't worry, it takes time, and then you don't feel anything.. lol, you will get this over soon inshaAllah, you will get married inshaAllah when the time comes, it's obvious your time hasn't yet come, or Mr Right doesn't have time to see your parents, we all make du'a he may see them soon inshaAllah.

And yes, make du'as for marriage, inshaAllah it will happen soon.

[Debater]

I have seen a worse habbit among ladies that they make fun of those sisters who are not yet married, and I think it's quite common, especially aunties do that in order to look down upon their relatives.

[ABDELTAWWAB]

i had put a time frame. when i told my parents i wanted to get married i planned to get married within a year. now it is 2 years later.
ALLAH Ma3 AL Sabereen

i guess i need to give myself more time. :insha: in'shaa'ALLAH

:salams

[MG]

I don't feel sad when I hear of someone else getting married but what does frustrate me is one particular thing that's changed over the years. During my late teens/early 20s, a lot more of my friends were still single or were students so it was easier to just meet up spontaneously or call them up for a chat. Now that I'm 30, so many of my friends are now married with children, it means they become so wrapped up in their busy lives that almost none of them have time for even a phone call and I find that quite annoying (I don't care if anyone thinks I'm selfish for saying it, I'll say it anyway). Their excuse is "Just wait till it's your turn to get married and have kids inshallah- you'll find yourself as busy as us!".


ameen to all the duas, sis i got the complete opposite with my friend alhumdulillah, she is married with 2 children and im not, and this girl calles me nearly everyday, even if its early hours or gone midnight (cos thats sometimes when all teh kids are gone bed and so has her hubby)

i laughed at her and said, ur lucky im not a guy or i'd be getting banned by your hubby ! she said, my husband knows if i dont get my "MG" fix regualrly im no use at home lol


sis dont worry, not all people lose time when they get married,and i think its abit selfish that some think that just becos they are married now, they can, drop and pick up their frends when THEY have the time, they should learn to prioritise, whats the point of friends if u only talk to them when THEY are ready? u can only use the "family" excuse so far, its not like they will fall apart bcos u met for lunch with your friend or called her on the fone, just melodrama from some married gals thats all.

And in repsonse to the original post,i dont get jealous when someone gets married, i get all :inlove: :D

[Te'oma]

You know what I don't understand? There are lots of single brothers on here that lament about wanting to marry and there are lots of sisters here too doing the same thing. I suspect that a few of the sisters should get their mayrams in here to get busy on their behalf :p

[SisterIslam]

You know what I don't understand? There are lots of single brothers on here that lament about wanting to marry and there are lots of sisters here too doing the same thing. I suspect that a few of the sisters should get their mayrams in here to get busy on their behalf :p

lol

[SisterIslam]

Sister_niqabi, you are only 19 darling. Study deen and keep yourself busy. I know a woman who is almost 40 who is not married.

[elji]

I don't feel sad when I hear of someone else getting married but what does frustrate me is one particular thing that's changed over the years. During my late teens/early 20s, a lot more of my friends were still single or were students so it was easier to just meet up spontaneously or call them up for a chat. Now that I'm 30, so many of my friends are now married with children, it means they become so wrapped up in their busy lives that almost none of them have time for even a phone call and I find that quite annoying (I don't care if anyone thinks I'm selfish for saying it, I'll say it anyway). Their excuse is "Just wait till it's your turn to get married and have kids inshallah- you'll find yourself as busy as us!".

lol its true.. wait till you get married .. your whole focus will change.

BTW sis_niqabi dont despair.. inshallah i'll pray someone of your match comes along. The important thing is not to look for someone PERFECT (in appearance or even in deen) as there is no such person, and you will be stuck searching for the rest of your life.

With regards to the jealous type feeling. Its normal.. but not right.. seek refuge from Allah to remove hasad from your heart.. its such a horrible thing

[Medievalist]

Mashwarah - making consultation.

[Bubble]

Sister, my advice will be remian patient and steadfast in Allah's worship. Do you even for a second think that the One Who took care of you all this time, developed you into who you are today will forsake you? He loves you more than your parents; He knows what is best for you. Remian patient, pray a lot and inshaaAllah, the right brother will come.

Really good advice, it really touched me.

All that's bad thoughts, you should try and feel happy for those people and be patient insha allah. You whats worse you being patient with Allah but you get fustrated when people around you aren't sooo patient and pressure you to go back home coz they think its easier to find someone.

[elji]

Sister_niqabi, you are only 19 darling. Study deen and keep yourself busy. I know a woman who is almost 40 who is not married.

thanks for putting things in perspective for sis_niqabi.

[meena]

Asalamu Alaikum

i know i might sound like a horrible person saying this. but i get so frustrated and depressed when i hear someone i know is getting or has gotten married. i feel as though why am i not married yet. i have been waiting around forever and nada and not one suitor has come along. and i think what is wrong with me.

does anyone else get this feeling? it's not that im not happy for the person getting married it just makes me feel bad because i haven't met mr.right yet and still in my parents house.

urrgh i hate this feeling!:mad:

and lately i have just been feeling more frustrated then usually.

i think for muslims girls that are married let fill that way about them self they fil angry sad

[PiElle2]

eh... why wait around sis... there is much work to do if you want to get married instead of waiting around, the preparation itself should occupy you so much, time flies and before you know it, he's at your door step...;)

[GKM]

I would say MARRIAGE is an Accident. It may happen at any time. You or your family can meet Mr Right at any time. But it is matter of time.
I will advise sisters should make their profile bit more informative like age, origin, country,education etc and you do not know that serious accident may happen here.

[Muslimah_Pearl]

sister u r not alone ..so many sisters are like that

im 30 and not yet married but it is all coz of my weakness in decision making power.

[Tranquillity]

sister u r not alone ..so many sisters are like that

im 30 and not yet married but it is all coz of my weakness in decision making power.

No it's not, and it's not an 'accident' either.
What Allah wills, it happens. May Allah make it easy for us to accept what he has decreed for us. Ameen.

[Muslimah_Pearl]

No it's not, and it's not an 'accident' either.
What Allah wills, it happens. May Allah make it easy for us to accept what he has decreed for us. Ameen.

accident :rubeyes:

i havent mention any accident..

[Zydee]

OMG! thats so funny!!!
Two women working with me so desperately wants to get married they have a scrapbook on their perfect wedding, which they are always updating!!!

eh... why wait around sis... there is much work to do if you want to get married instead of waiting around, the preparation itself should occupy you so much, time flies and before you know it, he's at your door step...;)

[Hisham Abu]

OMG! thats so funny!!!
Two women working with me so desperately wants to get married they have a scrapbook on their perfect wedding, which they are always updating!!!Maybe this 'scrap book' is the problem *smile*

[sis_niqabi]

Salam

i just went to an Eid party last night. and i was the only unmarried sister there. i felt so bad:(. because i see how everyone else has a husband and kids. and im still sitting home with the folks.

i know i should be patient but i can't take it anymore. it's becoming unavoidable to go to gatherings without feeling bad and crying when i get home because im still single.

i have a bad feeling i will be single for a long time:(

[MG]

Salam

i just went to an Eid party last night. and i was the only unmarried sister there. i felt so bad:(. because i see how everyone else has a husband and kids. and im still sitting home with the folks.

i know i should be patient but i can't take it anymore. it's becoming unavoidable to go to gatherings without feeling bad and crying when i get home because im still single.

i have a bad feeling i will be single for a long time:(


wa alaikum aslaam

sis dont say that, u dont know what tomrrow holds, things happen wen we least expect.

and if worst comes to the worst and u never get married, so what? why is it the be all and end all of your life if u dont get marrried? ill tell u why, becos society around u makes u think it is. Remeber why we are here in the first place sis, marraige is a test just like any other, some people get this test others dont, allah knows best who does, just like some people have children and others cant, everything is a test.

Dont concentrate on being single so much, get through the day to day challenges in life and allah swt will give u peace in your heart, no matter wether u are married or not.

may Allah swt give u what is best for u in this world and the next ameen

[sis_niqabi]

wa alaikum aslaam

sis dont say that, u dont know what tomrrow holds, things happen wen we least expect.

and if worst comes to the worst and u never get married, so what? why is it the be all and end all of your life if u dont get marrried? ill tell u why, becos society around u makes u think it is. Remeber why we are here in the first place sis, marraige is a test just like any other, some people get this test others dont, allah knows best who does, just like some people have children and others cant, everything is a test.

Dont concentrate on being single so much, get through the day to day challenges in life and allah swt will give u peace in your heart, no matter wether u are married or not.

may Allah swt give u what is best for u in this world and the next ameen

i don't even want to think about never ever being married. and it might not be the end of the world. but i seriously fear of falling into sin.

and i've tried not think about being single so much. but whenever i see a husband and wife in public im just reminded about how lonely i am.

and then now that i started my job. some people assume im married and then it's like "im not married" and i hate saying these words. i have to force myself to not frown when saying these words.

[Hisham Abu]

I know this may sound very detached and unsympathetic, so I apologise beforehand. But have you taken practical steps in actually getting married? Are you being reactionary, or proactive?

[MG]

i don't even want to think about never ever being married. and it might not be the end of the world. but i seriously fear of falling into sin.

and i've tried not think about being single so much. but whenever i see a husband and wife in public im just reminded about how lonely i am.

and then now that i started my job. some people assume im married and then it's like "im not married" and i hate saying these words. i have to force myself to not frown when saying these words.


i can imagine it must hard for you sis and i hope im not coming across harsh to you or anything in my posts!

Prophet SAW sed to fast if you are not married and inshallah this will help u to control your desires, their isnt much u can do besides searching and telling friends and family inshallah you want to get married, the rest is in allah's hands :) But remeber one thing when u are down:

"we do not burden any soul beyong its limits. With us lies a record that reveals the truth, and no one will ever be wronged."

Qur'an 23:62


:)

[Zesty]

Sis are you looking? Are you being proactive? Alot of time we have to help ourselves inshaAllah0 tieing your camels and all of that. He's not just going to fall out of the sky unfortunately :o

Have you spoken to your family about this? have you told them how you feel and that you'd appreciate them to look for you and find you a suitable spouse inshaAllah? What about friends?Do they not know of decent brothers who are looking and possibly organising a meeting with mehrams etc?

I can understand how you feel sis but like sister MG said- its a test from Allah (swt). InshaAllah dont lose faith and hope and keep making duaa. In the meantime, get people to start looking properly. If you dont mind me asking- where abouts are you from? (As in, would you prefer a husband from within you locality)?

[sis_niqabi]

I know this may sound very detached and unsympathetic, so I apologise beforehand. But have you taken practical steps in actually getting married? Are you being reactionary, or proactive?

i told my both my parents i wanted to get married. they are well aware of how bad i want to get married. but they keep on saying they cannot find anyone at the moment for me to marry. so what else am i suppose to do? there is nothing else i could do

[GuCcI]

Salam

i just went to an Eid party last night. and i was the only unmarried sister there. i felt so bad:(. because i see how everyone else has a husband and kids. and im still sitting home with the folks.

i know i should be patient but i can't take it anymore. it's becoming unavoidable to go to gatherings without feeling bad and crying when i get home because im still single.

i have a bad feeling i will be single for a long time:(



try to see it in a positive way, they all have kids they have to run around after and dont have time to themselves to just sit around and chat. u r headache free right now, take advantage of it go out and have fun. im 19 too and im getting married in like 6 months... OMG THERES ONLY SIX MONTHS LEFT :eek: :crying: ... sis_niqabi ur so luckyyyy!!! :(

[Hisham Abu]

i told my both my parents i wanted to get married. they are well aware of how bad i want to get married. but they keep on saying they cannot find anyone at the moment for me to marry. so what else am i suppose to do? there is nothing else i could doIf they are anything like my parents they will sit around and do next to nothing until the cows come home. You need to increase your circle of friends, and ask them if they know of any brothers who are looking to get married. Ask around about those who you find interesting, and if you like what you hear, than send your Wali to investigate further. You have to start giving your parents something to work with here.

I realise it can be hard to leave your comfort zone, but a little comfort lost for a lifetime of comfort is not a big sacrifice. Insha’Allaah start being proactive and optimistic about your future, and try not to be so down, people do have a tendency of knowing when someone’s sad inside, it can show right through.

[Zesty]

If they are anything like my parents they will sit around and do next to nothing until the cows come home. You need to increase your circle of friends, and ask them if they know any of brothers who are looking to get married. Ask around about those who you find interesting, and if you like what you hear, than send your Wali to investigate further. You have to start giving your parents something to work with here.

I realise it can be hard to leave your comfort zone, but a little comfort lost for a lifetime of comfort is not a big sacrifice. Insha’Allaah start being proactive and optimistic about your future, and try not to be so down, people do have a tendency of knowing when someone’s sad inside, it can show right through.


LOL! another one with parents who are also too laid back huh :o Mine were always the same- i started to think, "great im not going to get any where like this." Alhamdullilah i guess i didnt have to worry so much- when the time was right and it was meant for me Alhamdullilah a friend introduced me to my husband to be. Its an interesting point though- some parents really wont be proactive and especially when youre a girl they expect you to just sit there looking pretty waiting for a rishta to come knocking.

Sis niqaabi- brother Hisham gives good advice; you have to help yourself sis inshaAllah.

[GuCcI]

Its an interesting point though- some parents really wont be proactive and especially when youre a girl they expect you to just sit there looking pretty waiting for a rishta to come knocking.

Sis niqaabi- brother Hisham gives good advice; you have to help yourself sis inshaAllah.


i see, mine accepted the first proposal that came along :smack:
wat does that tell you :rolleyes:

[Zesty]

i see, mine accepted the first proposal that came along :smack:
wat does that tell you :rolleyes:

LOL sis what about those sisters who arent as wonderful looking or skinny or fair skinned :rotfl: :rolleyes: the list is endless. Sometimes elders in our community can be very shallow and superficial. Means alot of great sisters are left just waiting cos apparently they dont fit the bill- yet these auntijees know nothing about how great a girl she may actually be! (There loss in my opinion) Maybe its just my community-lol, maybe explains why i always refused to marry within my own from the age of 13!

At the end of the day we can come up with endless excuses but the bottom line is, its Qadr. Whatever is meant for us has already been decided and it will happen. However with things like marriage- if we want it that badly and we are afraid that we wont be able to control our naffs then inshaAllah we shoould try and be as proactive as we can in finding someone.

[Urr]

i see, mine accepted the first proposal that came along
wat does that tell you

They wanted to get rid of you quicky.

[Hisham Abu]

LOL! another one with parents who are also too laid back huh :o Mine were always the same- i started to think, "great im not going to get any where like this." Its an interesting point though- some parents really wont be proactive and especially when youre a girl they expect you to just sit there looking pretty waiting for a rishta to come knocking.Because of my parents [inactive] support I lost a really good sister. Some times I do wonder how life would be if I actually married her. With a guy, if his parents don't support him the girls family will not take him seriously. It's an issue that no doubt I'll have to face again, but not any time soon Insha'Allaah.

Today marriage has become unnecessarily complicated.

[GuCcI]

LOL sis what about those sisters who arent as wonderful looking or skinny or fair skinned :rotfl: :rolleyes: the list is endless. Sometimes elders in our community can be very shallow and superficial. Means alot of great sisters are left just waiting cos apparently they dont fit the bill- yet these auntijees know nothing about how great a girl she may actually be! (There loss in my opinion) Maybe its just my community-lol, maybe explains why i always refused to marry within my own from the age of 13!

At the end of the day we can come up with endless excuses but the bottom line is, its Qadr. Whatever is meant for us has already been decided and it will happen. However with things like marriage- if we want it that badly and we are afraid that we wont be able to control our naffs then inshaAllah we shoould try and be as proactive as we can in finding someone.

i only complain because i didnt even get a chance to be picky :(

They wanted to get rid of you quicky.

thats exactly wat i was thinking. oh well.

[Zesty]

Because of my parents [inactive] support I lost a really good sister. Some times I do wonder how life would be if I actually married her. With a guy, if his parents don't support him the girls family will not take him seriously. It's an issue that no doubt I'll have to face again, but not any time soon Insha'Allaah.

Today marriage has become unnecessarily complication.

Thats a shame and i know the feeling. I experienced the same thing a couple of years ago when someone wanted to introduce me to this revert brother. Everything i heard about him was perfect, i even saw him from a distance but the lack of support from my parents and inconsistencies meant it didnt materialise into anything (the issue here started off with him being a revert- Alhamdullilah atleast if one thing came out of this experience was the fact that my parents are now much more opened minded to reverts, so even though i didnt get to meet him or anything- i achieved something even bigger) :o

It doesnt matter at all now, cos i know that was meant to be and ive found the man of my dreams now Alhamdullilah :o but at the time it was extremely frustrating and annoying and yes, youre right about the guys side having to be serious about the whole thing.
InshaAllah you wont face it again :) make duaa and also talk to your parents, dont let them just brush it away.

Tell me about it- lol the whole process of finding someone, getting it all sorted and even getting to the nikkah stage itself. Its just been made so difficult for no reason.

[Zesty]

i only complain because i didnt even get a chance to be picky :(

thats exactly wat i was thinking. oh well.

What do you mean sis? lol- did you get to meet him/talk to him or was it just decided for you? Are you happy with the decision?

[sis_niqabi]

If they are anything like my parents they will sit around and do next to nothing until the cows come home. You need to increase your circle of friends, and ask them if they know of any brothers who are looking to get married. Ask around about those who you find interesting, and if you like what you hear, than send your Wali to investigate further. You have to start giving your parents something to work with here.

I realise it can be hard to leave your comfort zone, but a little comfort lost for a lifetime of comfort is not a big sacrifice. Insha’Allaah start being proactive and optimistic about your future, and try not to be so down, people do have a tendency of knowing when someone’s sad inside, it can show right through.

see this is the thing. my parents do not think it good that everybody knows im looking they believe it will attract more bad brothers than good ones. if they see a good brother than they'll say oh my daughter wants to gets married and so on. and they wouldn't be happy if i went around telling people i was looking.

im in a true dilemma. they don't even want me to go to any martial sites and look for a spouse. they are waiting for mr.right to drop out of the sky. i believe my parents could make a better effort. but i couldn't say that to them because it's disrespectful

[GuCcI]

What do you mean sis? lol- did you get to meet him/talk to him or was it just decided for you? Are you happy with the decision?

no like picky as in, no i dont like his car, no i dont like his hair, no i dont like his job... u know, picky...

[Zesty]

no like picky as in, no i dont like his car, no i dont like his hair, no i dont like his job... u know, picky...

:rotfl: aahh so you mean nothing important really then :p Does it matter what car he drives? Aslong as youre his only ladylove who will occupy the front seat who cares? ;)

[Hisham Abu]

see this is the thing. my parents do not think it good that everybody knows im looking they believe it will attract more bad brothers than good ones. if they see a good brother than they'll say oh my daughter wants to gets married and so on. and they wouldn't be happy if i went around telling people i was looking.

im in a true dilemma. they don't even want me to go to any martial sites and look for a spouse. they are waiting for mr.right to drop out of the sky. i believe my parents could make a better effort. but i couldn't say that to them because it's disrespectfulYou certainly are in a bit of a pickle. Could you let them know without being disrespectful? You have to get this out of your systems, otherwise you’re headed towards a mental break-down. Try and get your feelings off your chest and speak with them, at least your mum. Insha'Allaah. If you can't then speak with Allaah (swT), supplicate to Allaah (swT) and tell Him all your intimate thoughts. You can’t walk around with such a weight on your shoulders, it’s not healthy at all.

[sis_niqabi]

You certainly are in a bit of a pickle. Could you let them know without being disrespectful? You have to get this out of your systems, otherwise you’re headed towards a mental break-down. Try and get your feelings off your chest and speak with them, at least your mum. Insha'Allaah. If you can't then speak with Allaah (swT), supplicate to Allaah (swT) and tell Him all your intimate thoughts. You can’t walk around with such a weight on your shoulders, it’s not healthy at all.

i've attempted to talk to my mom about it. but she keeps on saying there's no one to marry. and she said she wouldn't dare marry me to the knuckled heads that are around my community. i agree there are a lot of knuckle heads . but we do not even socialize that much so there could be some good brothers around that we do not know of.

[GuCcI]

:rotfl: aahh so you mean nothing important really then :p Does it matter what car he drives? Aslong as youre his only ladylove who will occupy the front seat who cares? ;)

ur a smart cookie mashallah :love:

[Hisham Abu]

i've attempted to talk to my mom about it. but she keeps on saying there's no one to marry. and she said she wouldn't dare marry me to the knuckled heads that are around my community. i agree there are a lot of knuckle heads . but we do not even socialize that much so there could be some good brothers around that we do not know of.I think my previous suggestion would be a good course of action. You have to look around yourself. I believe you said you have issues with regards to your parents permission. Ask them for permission. However before approaching them think very carefully about your own position. They cannot just deny you without providing for you an alternative, one that actually makes sense, and is workable. Ask them how they got married? Parents are very quick to forget their own past.

[ABDELTAWWAB]

im getting married in like 6 months...
:insha: in'shaa'ALLAH

:salams Ukhtee Gucci :)

[sis_niqabi]

I think my previous suggestion would be a good course of action. You have to look around yourself. I believe you said you have issues with regards to your parents permission. Ask them for permission. However before approaching them think very carefully about your own position. They cannot just deny you without providing for you an alternative, one that actually makes sense, and is workable. Ask them how they got married? Parents are very quick to forget their own past.

both my parents ae reverts. so it was different. they didn't have to worry about seeking parents permission and all that. they were able to go out on their own. maybe they don't realize how hard it is for a born muslim sometimes to find a spouse. unlike them i cannot just go myself and seek a husband

[Hisham Abu]

both my parents ae reverts. so it was different. they didn't have to worry about seeking parents permission and all that. they were able to go out on their own. maybe they don't realize how hard it is for a born muslim sometimes to find a spouse. unlike them i cannot just go myself and seek a husbandOh, I understand.

What made you think to use online websites, having experience using them I would advise against it. You'd be surprised the strange characters that roam around in places like them.

In the UK there are a few 'marriage groups' that one could register with, do they not run those where you are? Are there not any run by your local Masjid?

[sis_niqabi]

Oh, I understand.

What made you think to use online websites, having experience using them I would advise against it. You'd be surprised the strange characters that roam around in places like them.

In the UK there are a few 'marriage groups' that one could register with, do they not run those where you are? Are there not any run by your local Masjid?

i live in a Muslim country. so they do not really have services like that here as it's not in high demand as it is in the west

[Hisham Abu]

i live in a Muslim country. so they do not really have services like that here as it's not in high demand as it is in the westI gather you've moved there? Can you not travel back, and look for a husband where you originally came from?

Anyways, I am just guessing here, so I better just stop now. I pray Allaah (swT) makes easy your burden, and a provides for you a husband who loves Allaah (swT) much, and fears Allaah (swT) much, Ameen.

Ma'aSalaama

[insomniac]

^^ Ameen

Sis - Qiyam al layl is the way to go insha'Allaah :)


7 Practical Tips for praying Qiyaam al-Layl

References
'The Night Prayers' by Muhammad Nasir ud-Deen al-Albanee (rahimahullah),
answers by Shaikh Salih al-Munajjad (hafizahullah) and others

As-Sunnah Islamic Newsletter Issue 15

What is Qiyaam al-Layl?

Qiyaam' means 'standing' and 'Qiyaam al-Layl' means 'standing in night.' In the Islamic terminology, both terms refer to, 'the voluntary night prayer, whose time extends from after Isha prayer until dawn.' Other common names for Qiyaam al-Layl are, Salaat ul-Layl (the night prayer), Tahajjud (from hajada meaning remained awake at night), Witr
(odd-numbered this term is also used to refer to the last one or three Raka'ah of Qiyaam) and Taraweeh (resting).

A widespread misconception is that Tahajjud is a different night prayer than Qiyaam or Taraweeh. It is important to clarify this misunderstanding and to make clear that there is only one nafl night prayer known by different names. Even though the term Taraweeh is more commonly used to describe the night prayer in Ramadan, it is not different from Tahajjud. Thus, the practice of praying Taraweeh in the earlier part of the night and Tahajjud in the later part should be stopped.

The Excellence of Qiyaam al-Layl

Numerous Ahaadeeth and Qur'aanic verses mention the excellence of Qiyaam al-Layl and the merit of those who perform it regularly. Umm al-Mumineen, Aa'ishah (radhi allahu anha) reported that the Prophet (sallallahu alaihi wa-sallam) said: "The most beloved deeds to Allah are the most constant, even if they were little." [Saheeh al-Bukharee and Saheeh Muslim] and she said in another narration: "Do not ever stop praying Qiyaam. The Prophet (sallallahu alaihi wa-sallam) never ceased praying it. When he was sick or weak, he prayed sitting." [Saheeh al-Bukharee and Saheeh Muslims] He (sallallahu alaihi wa-sallam) said:

"You should pray Qiyaam al-Layl, for it is the habit of the righteous people who came before you, and it will bring you closer to your Lord, expiate for bad deeds, prevent sin, and expel disease from the body." [At-Tirmidhee and Musnad Ahmad]

Narrated Mu'adh Ibn Jabal (radhi allahu anhu): 'The Prophet (sallallahu alaihi wa-sallam) said to him: "May I show you the gates of goodness?' (they are), "(a) Fasting is screen from Hell, (b) As-Sadaqah extinguishes the sins, as water extinguishes fire, (c) Standing in Salaat (prayer) by a slave of Allah during the last third part of a night." Then the Prophet (sallallahu alaihi wa-sallam) recited the verse: "Their (believer's) sides forsake their beds, to invoke their Lord in fear and hope; and they spend out of what We have bestowed on
them."' [Abu Dawood and at-Tirmidhee]

Abu Hurayrah (radhi allahu anhu) reported that Allah's Messenger (sallallahu alaihi wa-sallam) said: "The best of prayer after those prescribed (i.e. obligatory prayer) is that in the depth of night." [Saheeh Muslims]

Abu Hurayrah (radhi allahu anhu) reported that Allah's Messenger (sallallahu alaihi wa-sallam) said: "May Allah have mercy on a man who wakes up at night, prays, and wakes his wife to pray; and if she refuses, he sprinkles water on her face. And may Allah have mercy on a woman who wakes up at night, prays, and wakes her husband to pray; and
if he refuses, she sprinkles water on his face." [(Hasan) Abu Dawood ]

Abdullah Ibn Bashr (radhi allahu anhu) reported Allah's Messenger (sallallahu alaihi wa-sallam) saying: "Whoever prays Qiyaam reciting ten verses, he will not be recorded among the negligent. Whoever prays Qiyaam reciting one hundred verses, he will be recorded among the devout. And whoever prays Qiyaam reciting one thousand verses, he will be recorded among those with a multitude of good deeds." [(Hasan) Abu
Dawood]

7 Practical Tips for praying Qiyaam al-Layl

1: Ikhlas (Sincerity) - the key to Allah's Help and Blessings

Help of Allah is needed to accomplish and achieve success in all our affairs. And Allah only helps those who are sincere in their hearts. The Messenger of Allah (sallallahu alaihi wa-sallam) said: "If you are truthful with Allah, then Allah will deliver to you what you wish for." [An-Nasa'ee, al-Hakim and Saheeh al-Jamee] Therefore, one should have a
sincere intention to pray Qiyaam al-Layl; seek the Pleasure of Allah Alone and avoid the desire of praise or fame. Allah says: "And they were commanded not, but that they should worship Allah, and worship none but Him Alone…" [(98): 5] Imam Ibn al-Qayyim said: "The degree to which a person is helped and aided by Allah depends on the degree of his intention, drive, aim and hopes. Help from Allah comes to people in proportion to their drive intention, hopes and fears, and failure comes to them in like manner."

2: Knowing the Virtues of Qiyaam al-Layl

Knowing the virtues and rewards of performing worship produces willingness and desire to perform the worship. We have previously mentioned numerous virtues of regularly praying Qiyaam al-Layl, here we mention the excellence of praying Qiyaam al-Layl particularly in the great month of Ramadan. Abu Hurayrah (radhi allahu anhu) reported:
"Allah's Messenger (sallallahu alaihi wa-sallam) encouraged the people, without making it an absolute command, to perform Qiyaam during Ramadan. He (sallallahu alaihi wa-sallam) used to say: "Whoever stands (in Qiyaam) in Ramadan out of faith and expectation (of Allah's reward), all his previous sins will be forgiven." [Saheeh Muslim]

3: Taking a nap in the daytime

Taking a nap before or after Dhur Salaat will dismiss the stress and thus enable one to get up in the night and stand in front of his Lord. The Messenger of Allah (sallallahu alaihi wa-sallam) said: "Take a nap, for the Shayateen (pl. of Shaytan) do not take naps." [Reported by at-Tabaranee. Al-Saheehah (2647)]

4: Sleeping according to the Sunnah of Allah's Messenger

(a) Sleep early: Sleeping early is a healthy habit and it was the practice of Allah's Messenger (sallallahu alaihi wa-sallam) to sleep directly after performing the Isha prayer. Abu Barzah al-Aslami (radhi allahu anhu) said that the Prophet (sallallahu alaihi wa-sallam) used to prefer to delay Isha, and he did not like to sleep before it or talk
after it." [Saheeh al-Bukharee]

(b) Sleep in a state of taharah (purity): Ibn Abbas (radhi allahu anhu) reported that Allah's Messenger (sallallahu alaihi wa-sallam) said: "Purify these bodies and Allah will purify you, for there is no slave who goes to sleep in a state of purity but an Angel spends the night with him, and every time he turns over, [the Angel] says, 'O Allah! Forgive Your slave, for he went to bed in a state of purity.'" [Reported by at-Tabaranee. See Saheeh al-Jamee (3831)]

(c) Choose a suitable bed: Excessive luxurious or soft bed provokes laziness and makes one sleep more and become negligent. Aa'ishah (radhi allahu anha) narrates that the pillow of the Prophet (sallallahu alaihi wa-sallam) on which he slept at night was made of leather stuffed with palm fibers." [Abu Dawood and Musnad Ahmad. Saheeh al-Jamee (4714)]

Once Umar Ibn al-Khattab (radhi allahu anhu) entered upon the Messenger of Allah (sallallahu alaihi wa-sallam) when he was lying on a mat of palm fibers that had left marks on his side. Umar (radhi allahu anhu) said: "O Messenger of Allah, why do you not get something more comfortable than this?" He (sallallahu alaihi wa-sallam) said: "What do I have to do with this world? My relationship with this world is like that of a traveler on a hot summer's day, who seeks shade under a tree for an hour, then moves on." [Musnad Ahmad and al-Hakim. Saheeh al-Jamee (5545)]

(d) Cleaning the bed and lying on the right side Abu Hurayrah (radhi allahu anhu) reported: "The Prophet (sallallahu alaihi wa-sallam) said: "When any one of you goes to bed, let him clear his bed by hitting it with his garment, for he does not know what may have come onto it. Then let him lie down on his right side…" [Saheeh al-Bukharee and Saheeh Muslim]

(e) Reciting the Adhkaar (supplications) mentioned in the Sunnah before sleeping
There are a number of Adhkaar prescribed in the Sunnah before going to bed, amongst them are reciting the last verses of Soorah al-Baqarah, reciting Soorah al-Falaq and Soorah al-Nas and Soorah Ikhlas blow in the palms and wipe as much of the body possible, starting from the head, face and then the front of the body doing it three times. [Saheeh al-Bukharee and Saheeh Muslim]

Ali Ibn Abi Talib (radhi allahu anhu) reported that when the Prophet's daughter, Fatima (radhi allahu anha) came to him and asked him for a servant, he (sallallahu alaihi wa-sallam) said to her and Ali: "Shall I not teach you something that will be better for you than a servant? When you go to bed, say 'SubhanAllah' thirty-three times, 'Al-hamdulillah' thirty-three times, and 'Allahu Akbar' thirty-four times. This is better for you than a servant." [Saheeh al-Bukharee and Saheeh Muslim]

5: Avoid too much food and drink

Too much food or drink is one of the main obstacles that make one lazy and negligent of Qiyaam al-Layl. The Messenger of Allah (sallallahu alaihi wa-sallam) said: "Man fills no vessel worse than his stomach. It is sufficient for the son of Adam to have a few mouthfuls to give him the strength he needs. If he has to fill his stomach, then let him leave one-third for food, one-third for drink and one-third for air." [Reported by at-Tirmidhee and Ibn Majah. Saheeh al-Jamee (5674)]

Abu Juhayfah (radhi allahu anhu) reported that the Prophet (sallallahu alaihi wa-sallam) said to a man who burped in his presence: "Stop your burping, for the people who eat the most in this life will be the most hungry on the Day of Resurrection." [Reported by al-Hakim. Saheeh al-Jamee (1190)]

6: Striving against oneself:

Striving against oneself to get up and pray and suppressing one's desires bring about Allah's help and His Pleasure for the slave. Allah says in the Qur'aan: "Strive in Allah's Cause as you ought to strive…" [Soorah al-Hajj (25): 78] "And as for those who strive hard in Our Cause, We will surely guide them to Our Paths. And verily, Allah is with the Muhsinoon (good-doers)." [ (29): 69]

The Prophet (sallallahu alaihi wa-sallam) said: "The Mujahid (one who strives in way of Allah) is the one who strives against his own self for the sake of Allah." [Reported by al-Tirmidhee. See al-Saheehah (549)]

He (sallallahu alaihi wa-sallam) also said: "When a man from my Ummah gets up to pray at night, striving against his own self to get up and purify himself, there are knots on him. When he washes his hands in wudhu, one knot is undone. When he washes his face, another knot is undone. When he wipes his head another knot is undone. When he washes his feet, another knot is undone. Then Allah says to those who are veiled (in the Unseen): 'Look at this slave of Mine, he is striving against his own self and asking of Me. Whatever My slave asks of Me shall be his." [Musnad Ahmad. See Saheeh al-Targheeb (627)]

7: Rebuking one's self for not praying Qiyaam al-Layl

Qiyaam al-Layl is a great blessing from Allah, the Exalted, and He has placed in it numerous spiritual benefits and rewards for the believer. Therefore, one should rebuke one's self, if he misses this great opportunity of achieving rewards and Pleasure of Allah. Allah says in the Qur'aan: "O you who believe! Fear Allah and keep your duty to Him.
And let every person look to what he has sent forth for the morrow, and fear Allah. Verily, Allah is All-Aware of what you do." [(59): 18] Imam Ibn al-Qayyim (rahimahullah) said: "If the slave is responsible and accountable for everything, even his hearing, sight and innermost thoughts, as Allah says, "…Verily, hearing, sight, and the heart of each of you will be questioned by Allah." [Soorah al-Isra (17): 36],
then he should check on himself before he is brought to account."