Polygamy

[Islamic Sister]

When a brother looks for another wife in marriage is it Wajib (compulsory) for him to tell his first wife?

[umm shuyookh]

no its not, but any good husband will.

[curious_man]

no its not, but any good husband will.
so would anyone who doesnt tell his wife be deemed a bad husband? :-)

[Kal-El]

so would anyone who doesnt tell his wife be deemed a bad husband? :-)

Yup

[Islamic Sister]

no its not, but any good husband will.

Wow, he doesn't have to tell her?....

[umm shuyookh]

so would anyone who doesnt tell his wife be deemed a bad husband? :-)

what do you think?

[Kal-El]

Wow, he doesn't have to tell her?....

But in Islam you have to announce your marriage. Hence why some men marry abroad and announce it there, whilst their first wife is somewhere else not knowing about it. They usually hide it because they fear the wife will want a divorce.

[Abu 'Abdullaah]

A man must spend his time and money equally amongst his wives. What will he tell the first wife... that his income has suddenly halved and his working hours have doubled? LOL!

[curious_man]

But in Islam you have to announce your marriage. Hence why some men marry abroad and announce it there, whilst their first wife is somewhere else not knowing about it. They usually hide it because they fear the wife will want a divorce.

would you hide it from first wife you know for sure she would go for divorce?

personally I'd tell the first one and face the music lol... if she walks her choice - easy said then done but at least you are not hiding anything...

[curious_man]

what do you think?
I think it depends on each separate situation.. if you think first wife will ask for a divorce on the hint of second marriage and second marriage can not be avoided then mr x is faced with tricky situation.

do you tell no 1 and risk loosing her over no 2?

do you hide from no 1 , marry no 2 and play hide and seek rest of your life?

I'd tell no 1 and be ready for the worst case scenario...

[curious_man]

A man must spend his time and money equally amongst his wives. What will he tell the first wife... that his income has suddenly halved and his working hours have doubled? LOL!
tricky!!!! lol !!

[elji]

of course you have to tell your wife!!

[Islamic Sister]

of course you have to tell your wife!!

Yeah but where is the evidence? Of course out of love and manners (if you have any!), you would. But from an Islamic perspective, I would like to know is it compulsory for the man to tell the first wife. Or can he do as he wishes?

[elji]

Yeah but where is the evidence? Of course out of love and manners (if you have any!), you would. But from an Islamic perspective, I would like to know is it compulsory for the man to tell the first wife. Or can he do as he wishes?

You are lying to your wife if you do not tell her you are married to more than one wife. And you are lying then to the second wife when you say to her that you do not have a first wife. Lying is not allowed in the Quran. So you have to tell both of them that you have a wife already.

[Desipower]

If a husband gets married again, it's good islamic adaabs to inform the 2nd wife of his doings. He has to spend equally on them and spend equal nights with each one and give both their due rights. So it's important for him to inform her rather then be all sneaky about it.

If he tells her and she demands a divorce then she will have to ask for kula and forfeit her mahr. If she be patient and bear it then her reward is with Allah.

If he knows his wife wont' be able to handle it and it will cause chaos in the house and ruin his first marriage, then the imaam says he can't/shouldn't marry 2nd time. You can't build a new home by burning the old one.

allahu alim.

[dunya_or_akhira]

the sisters of day......i dont think its likely for us poor brothers to marry again...one is a lot to handle let alone 2

[Abu 'Abdullaah]

You are lying to your wife if you do not tell her you are married to more than one wife. And you are lying then to the second wife when you say to her that you do not have a first wife. Lying is not allowed in the Quran. So you have to tell both of them that you have a wife already.Whoa! Hold on a second. Not telling is not lying. You are assuming that if one was to get married again without consulting the wife he will automatically begin telling lies. If it is obligatory to ask/inform the first wife then you must bring the proof. What everyone is saying is that it is good practice to tell the first wife in order to save yourselves from any difficulties that may arise later on (one of which could be lying).

[umm shuyookh]

the sisters of day......i dont think its likely for us poor brothers to marry again...one is a lot to handle let alone 2

what about them?

[dunya_or_akhira]

what not about them... some brothers rather do over time at work then come home

[umm shuyookh]

Whoa! Hold on a second. Not telling is not lying. You are assuming that if one was to get married again without consulting the wife he will automatically begin telling lies. If it is obligatory to ask/inform the first wife then you must bring the proof. What everyone is saying is that it is good practice to tell the first wife in order to save yourselves from any difficulties that may arise later on (one of which could be lying).

not telling could be lying in the case of a brother who has a wife or wives and wants to get another and does not tell the prospective or new wife. but of course it ain't lying if it is the present wife or wives you are holding the info from.

[umm shuyookh]

what not about them... some brothers rather do over time at work then come home

important! many are not like that some.

[dunya_or_akhira]

its all the sisters faults...

[umm shuyookh]

its all the sisters faults...

fear Allah, akhi.

[dunya_or_akhira]

jazakAllah Khair...hope you do as well

[Islamic Sister]

Just stick to answering my question please....

[brjimc]

FYI.

Polygamy

1. The condition or practice of having more than one spouse (man or woman) at one time. Also called plural marriage.

Polygyny

1. The condition or practice of having more than one wife at one time.

[dunya_or_akhira]

There has been NO evidence to suggest that the Husband needs Permission from his first wife....

However what has been established is that it is out of good manners to consult the first wife...

This is what i know from scholars opinion and one that i adhere to.... i would go one step more and consult it before the marriage....

[bint]

yeah but not telling the wife n kids he has a wife shoves somewhere else isnt right by islam. its leading a secret life. wether every other tom **** or harry knows or not.

what i dont understand is why people make it acceptable..the husband would only be coward if he couldnt tell his first wife.

the easy option is dont get married if u cant hack it. it shows u cant hack it if u hide it.

[brjimc]

There has been NO evidence to suggest that the Husband needs Permission from his first wife....

However what has been established is that it is out of good manners to consult the first wife...

This is what i know from scholars opinion and one that i adhere to.... i would go one step more and consult it before the marriage....

I completely agree.

Would only add that it is expected that a husband make shurah with his wife(s) on all major decisions in the household, including marrying a second, thrid and forth wife.

[Islamic Sister]

There has been NO evidence to suggest that the Husband needs Permission from his first wife....

However what has been established is that it is out of good manners to consult the first wife...

This is what i know from scholars opinion and one that i adhere to.... i would go one step more and consult it before the marriage....

Okay. Thanks.

[mansoor36]

Its not wajib nor sunnah to ask, but you want to maintain relationship, especially if she has kids. During sahabah times it was not common to ask his wife as everybody knew the obligations and knew what Allah and his Rasul has said. Not any more now, your wife might know that there are thousand women there who don't have a supporter, yet she will tell you are you the only one concerned ? What you fail to get from me that you want to marry another one ?

I will give something for people to ponder, Asmaa bint Umays was married to Jafar bin Abutalib, she gave a kid called Abdallah, when his husband was killed in Ghazw, she was married by Abubakr Siddik, she gave birth to Muhammad, when Abubakr died, she was married by Ali bin Abitalib and she gave birth to Yahya. Just ask yourself, what made her not to be left alone ? Do we have a similar purpose like they had when we marry a second wife ?

[PiElle2]

it's easy to say no need to tell 1st wife... i dunno how the husband can be sneaking around for the rest of his life for fear of his 1st wife or his 2nd or 3rd or 4th knowing.... :rubeyes:

[umm shuyookh]

it's easy to say no need to tell 1st wife... i dunno how the husband can be sneaking around for the rest of his life for fear of his 1st wife or his 2nd or 3rd or 4th knowing.... :rubeyes:

i think the original poster was talking about the husband telling her or them before remarrying. like say can a man tell his wife calmly during dinner that he got married to another wife that afternoon. It may not be a sin but it does'nt sound nice cuz most of us would be like whaaat? and you're just telling me now?

[curious_man]

it's easy to say no need to tell 1st wife... i dunno how the husband can be sneaking around for the rest of his life for fear of his 1st wife or his 2nd or 3rd or 4th knowing.... :rubeyes:

its a challenge :P

[PiElle2]

its a challenge :P


it's a challenge to get someone to marry me too... LOL

[curious_man]

it's a challenge to get someone to marry me too... LOL

y is it a challenge?

[PiElle2]

y is it a challenge?


hmmm.... :icon_offtopic: my apology LOL

[curious_man]

hmmm.... :icon_offtopic: my apology LOL

come on 'its good to talk' -- spilll it...

[`asiya]

i think the original poster was talking about the husband telling her or them before remarrying. like say can a man tell his wife calmly during dinner that he got married to another wife that afternoon. It may not be a sin but it does'nt sound nice cuz most of us would be like whaaat? and you're just telling me now?

do u think its just our attitude towards this today though thats the problem ukhti, in the time of the prophet salAllahu alleyhi wa salam he would just gather all his wives to eat with him and they would wish him well on his new marriage, salAllahu alleyhi wa salam, i really wouldnt mind if my husband took another wife, or decided to get married again, because if he was good enough for me to marry in the first place, then i would have no fear that he would do any sort of injustice to me or my sister in Islam his new wife insha Allah ta ala.

u gotta love for ur sister what u love for yourself right, none of us truely beleives untill we do that according to the hadith, so no its not "wajib" to tell his wife, but it is wajib to announce the marriage, its sunnah to gather his wife/wives and tell them he is marrying or that he got married, and it is sunnah for the current wife to wish him and his new wife well, so masha Allah if we follow the way of RasoolAllah salAllahu alleyhi wa salam then its all good :up: just have to get rid of the old western mindset and take on the islamic one instead insha Allah and we have a great example in the mothers of the beleivers and the sahabiyat radiAllahu anhuma alhamdulillah.

[aboosait]

When a brother looks for another wife in marriage is it Wajib (compulsory) for him to tell his first wife?

It is the duty of any man who intends to marry a second wife to make sure that he can support both of them on an equal basis. Can he take a decision on this without discussing with his first wife?

The Qur'anic instruction is very clear: "If you fear that you may not treat them equally, then limit yourself to one [wife]." It may so happen that a married man finds himself deep in love with another woman and she consents to be his wife, knowing that he is of limited means.

He should reflect, however, that marriage is not a temporary arrangement. He must never overlook his duties toward his first wife, or indeed the second.

The first question he should ask himself is whether he would be able to maintain two homes.

It is not lawful for a man who has married two women to force them to live in the same house, whether it is big or small, unless both of them agree to that arrangement without coercion. This is due to the fact that in such circumstances it is only natural for them to harbor feelings of jealousy and hostility toward each other. Each of them will be always on the watch, trying to discover any sign of favoritism, which her husband shows toward his other wife. That will inevitably lead to endless quarrels and the atmosphere in the family home will be unhealthy for the upbringing of the children.

Moreover, why should a wife be exposed to such a situation, which enhances ill feelings. On the basis of this, it is perfectly legitimate for the first wife to tell her husband when he embarks on a second marriage that he must not at any time enforce on her the burden of sharing her home with his second wife.

If she makes that clear to him and he nevertheless tries to impose it, then this constitutes a basis for the nullification of the marriage, if she so desires. She will be entitled to all her rights.

[Pro_Candy]

do u think its just our attitude towards this today though thats the problem ukhti, in the time of the prophet salAllahu alleyhi wa salam he would just gather all his wives to eat with him and they would wish him well on his new marriage, salAllahu alleyhi wa salam, i really wouldnt mind if my husband took another wife, or decided to get married again, because if he was good enough for me to marry in the first place, then i would have no fear that he would do any sort of injustice to me or my sister in Islam his new wife insha Allah ta ala.

u gotta love for ur sister what u love for yourself right, none of us truely beleives untill we do that according to the hadith, so no its not "wajib" to tell his wife, but it is wajib to announce the marriage, its sunnah to gather his wife/wives and tell them he is marrying or that he got married, and it is sunnah for the current wife to wish him and his new wife well, so masha Allah if we follow the way of RasoolAllah salAllahu alleyhi wa salam then its all good :up: just have to get rid of the old western mindset and take on the islamic one instead insha Allah and we have a great example in the mothers of the beleivers and the sahabiyat radiAllahu anhuma alhamdulillah.

True... and what I would love for my sister would be a nice, caring, kind, respectful, good Muslim man of her own. Just not my own husband :up:

[`asiya]

True... and what I would love for my sister would be a nice, caring, kind, respectful, good Muslim man of her own. Just not my own husband :up:

ya ukhti our husbands do not "belong" to us, they are the amirs of the ummah, As Almighty Allah stated in the Quran men are the protectors and maintainers of women, the prophet salallahu alleyhi wa salam said that a sign of the last days will be that there will be 50 women who will have to be taken care of by one man, obviously he wont be able to marry them all but he will be responsible before Allah for taking care of them. if every woman wanted "her own" husband then u would deny millions of women the opportunity of marriage and having children u know there are far more women than men in this world already. and they may fall into sin, subhanAllah women have needs too, they need to be cared for and loved, and to be protected from falling into zinnah audu billah we even see some muslim women resorting to marrying non muslims because they cant find a husband audu billah.

In the christian/western world this idea is common, one man + one woman, but we are not christians alhamdulillah we are muslims, there was a woman who was married to rasoolAllah salAllahu alleyhi wa salam, and she was so delighted to be married that she asked him to marry her sister :D

of course its not permissible to marry two sisters at the same time, so he declined, but see the sweetness of the iman, she loved to be married and wanted the same for her sister masha Allah its a beautiful thing, if i had a good husband i would be happy for him to marry other good sisters who had no one to care for them, its just the christian/western mindset that makes this an issue for women today, and we need to start thinking like muslims insha Allah, and its easy all u have to do is change ur mind :up:

[fisabilllillah]

if u dont want ur husband to have another wife...then u can add it to the conditions in your nikah.......

[`asiya]

if u dont want ur husband to have another wife...then u can add it to the conditions in your nikah.......

so say some people, other scolars say its not a valid condition wa Allahu alam, but personally i dont beleive u can make the halal haram on a man, Allah ta ala made this permissible for a man, so who are we to make it haram for him, and cause our sisters in Islam the pain of being alone for 70 odd years on this earth, love for ur sister/brother what u love for yourself is the bottem line, and im sure most women would not complain even slightly if their husband were away working for a charity a few nights a week, and yet they complain when their husbands take care of their sisters in Islam in a halal marriage.

i think the main issue here is a christan/western mindset instead of an islamic one. A persons marriage is his own buisness, and when a man marries then what goes on between him and his wife is no one elses buisness, not even his other wifes, and we shouldnt even let the thought enter our heads, audu billah, so thinking about our husbands, in their other marriages is a no no, and if we just got on with taking care of what goes on inside our own marriage then no woman would have a problem, and would just get on with it like the mothers of the beleivers and the sahabiyat did masha Allah, why change the rules of Islam now after all this time, Islam is perfect a perfect system a perfect way of life we dont need to go round thinking we have a better way.

[fisabilllillah]

so say some people, other scolars say its not a valid condition wa Allahu alam, but personally i dont beleive u can make the halal haram on a man, Allah ta ala made this permissible for a man, so who are we to make it haram for him, and cause our sisters in Islam the pain of being alone for 70 odd years on this earth, love for ur sister/brother what u love for yourself is the bottem line, and im sure most women would not complain even slightly if their husband were away working for a charity a few nights a week, and yet they complain when their husbands take care of their sisters in Islam in a halal marriage.

i think the main issue here is a christan/western mindset instead of an islamic one. A persons marriage is his own buisness, and when a man marries then what goes on between him and his wife is no one elses buisness, not even his other wifes, and we shouldnt even let the thought enter our heads, audu billah, so thinking about our husbands, in their other marriages is a no no, and if we just got on with taking care of what goes on inside our own marriage then no woman would have a problem, and would just get on with it like the mothers of the beleivers and the sahabiyat did masha Allah, why change the rules of Islam now after all this time, Islam is perfect a perfect system a perfect way of life we dont need to go round thinking we have a better way.

thats a very good point mashallah........

[SisterIslam]

My Aunt's husband promised her that he would never take another wife around ten years ago lol. So far so good.

[fisabilllillah]

nearly all my uncles have polygomous marriages......:D and they have worked out fine alhamdullilah...but alot of sacrifices r made.....u can only imagine the army of cousins i have :boom:.....mashallah... its good for numbers in the ummah......:hidban:

[dunya_or_akhira]

nearly all my uncles have polygomous marriages......:D and they have worked out fine alhamdullilah...but alot of sacrifices r made.....u can only imagine the army of cousins i have :boom:.....mashallah... its good for numbers in the ummah......:hidban:

MASHA ALLAH.... What great uncles you have.....

This is more like it.... this has made my dayyy

Allah Akbar!! :hidban: one ? no man how about :hidban::hidban::hidban: more!!

[dunya_or_akhira]

so say some people, other scolars say its not a valid condition wa Allahu alam, but personally i dont beleive u can make the halal haram on a man, Allah ta ala made this permissible for a man, so who are we to make it haram for him, and cause our sisters in Islam the pain of being alone for 70 odd years on this earth, love for ur sister/brother what u love for yourself is the bottem line, and im sure most women would not complain even slightly if their husband were away working for a charity a few nights a week, and yet they complain when their husbands take care of their sisters in Islam in a halal marriage.

i think the main issue here is a christan/western mindset instead of an islamic one. A persons marriage is his own buisness, and when a man marries then what goes on between him and his wife is no one elses buisness, not even his other wifes, and we shouldnt even let the thought enter our heads, audu billah, so thinking about our husbands, in their other marriages is a no no, and if we just got on with taking care of what goes on inside our own marriage then no woman would have a problem, and would just get on with it like the mothers of the beleivers and the sahabiyat did masha Allah, why change the rules of Islam now after all this time, Islam is perfect a perfect system a perfect way of life we dont need to go round thinking we have a better way.

sorry i got a bit carried away with the super uncle heros of mine from the other poster.... but you know this post is really good mashaAllah..some great points you raised....now will you all ...SISTERS...take note.....come on its only a short life...let your hubbyz marry again ..:up:

[miss-islamic]

^^^Really? But I’m thinking your only talking to the men side of the family? Are the women happy about it too? Does it matter? I mean just because it common doesn’t mean it’s liked.

And why do people say a man can be re-married for any reason (pleasure, lots of kids e.t.c.). I thought we were suppose to only marry people for Islam?

[`asiya]

^^^Really? But I’m thinking your only talking to the men side of the family? Are the women happy about it too? Does it matter? I mean just because it common doesn’t mean it’s liked.

And why do people say a man can be re-married for any reason (pleasure, lots of kids e.t.c.). I thought we were suppose to only marry people for Islam?

why isnt it liked ukhti ? because we are thinking like western christian women? Allahu alam, but we are the women of al Islam, the muslimahs the ones who will raise up the children of this nation insha Allah to be those who truely beleive in :lailah:

our examples are those of the wives of the companions, look how they strove for the sake of Allah for al Islam, subhanAllah, they had hardships that we could not even possibly imagine, and here we are thinking its such a "hardship" to live in a beautiful comfortable home with everything we could possibly need electricty at the push of a switch, cooker that we dont have to fetch wood for, and we are thinking its going to be "hard" to let our husbands be away from us a few nights a week... its not hard, it is the way of the muslims, we are a people who wish for society to be a better place, where everyone can live in relative ease, we want to help those who are in need, we dont want our sisters to be struggling to raise children alone, our sons and daughters raised without father figures, our prohet salAllahu alleyhi wa salam said we are not beleivers if our neighbours go hungry while we have food subhanAllah.. we are muslim women sister and making sure that all our sisters are cared for is not a hardship, nor is it disliked it is only shaitan who whispers to us to make us not love this part of our deen, for he wants to lead mankind astray and split this ummah up...

and children and pleasure of womens company and giving ones company to women, those are also islamic reasons sister alhamdulillah, the prophet salAllahu alleyhi wa salam said the most beloved things to me of the dunya, are women and perfume, masha Allah and he salAllahu alleyhi wa salam said that the best thing a man can have is a wife who when he looks at her she pleases him, she guards her chasitiy when he is away ... (part of a longer hadith) when a husband goes to his wife and they seek to have a child subhanALlah they even get rewarded for that by Allah ta ala, and he salAllahu alleyhi wa salam said to marry the loving and fertile so that he salAllahu alleyhi wa salam would come on the day of judgement with the largest ummah of all the prophets alleyhum salam.

This is the way of the muslims alhamdulillah, the way of rasoolAllah salAllahu alleyhi wa salam, and the companions, and the tabyieen.. and so on, and we must do all we can to gaurd against weakness and the whispers of shaitan and to gaurd against following the jews and christians down the lizard holes, as we were warned by our beloved messenger salAllahu alleyhi wa salam..

may Allah ta ala assist us in that amin.

[Rehmat]

Philip Kilbride, an American anthropologist in his book, Plural marriage for our time, proposes polygamy as a solution to some of the ills of the American society at large. He argues that plural marriage may serve as a potential alternative for divorce in many cases in order to obviate the damaging impact of divorce on many children. He maintains that many divorces are caused by the rampant extramarital affairs in the American society. According to Kilbride, ending an extramarital affair in a polygamous marriage, rather than in a divorce, is better for the children, "Children would be better served if family augmentation rather than only separation and dissolution were seen as options." Moreover, he suggests that other groups will also benefit from plural marriage such as: elderly women who face a chronic shortage of men and the African Americans who are involved in man-sharing.

[Pro_Candy]

A great many men want to marry another wife for selfish reasons these days. It's all about him, not what's right. Basically, it's the 'because I can' attitude. Doesn't care that he will cause his wife pain and heartache, doesn't care that he won't be able to pay the bills or give them their rights.

It's this attitude that makes many women want to just say 'no'. I mean come on, if you're already not giving a woman her rights (or borderline), what makes you think she's gonna accept you going full force after your own lusts?

[`asiya]

A great many men want to marry another wife for selfish reasons these days. It's all about him, not what's right. Basically, it's the 'because I can' attitude. Doesn't care that he will cause his wife pain and heartache, doesn't care that he won't be able to pay the bills or give them their rights.

It's this attitude that makes many women want to just say 'no'. I mean come on, if you're already not giving a woman her rights (or borderline), what makes you think she's gonna accept you going full force after your own lusts?

fair point, but why would a muslim woman want to remain married to such a man wether he takes second wife or not, if i had a husband who follows al Islam then i have no fear that he would treat me or his other wives badly, if he is good enough for me to marry then hes good enough for my sisters insha Allah.

[Pro_Candy]

fair point, but why would a muslim woman want to remain married to such a man wether he takes second wife or not, if i had a husband who follows al Islam then i have no fear that he would treat me or his other wives badly, if he is good enough for me to marry then hes good enough for my sisters insha Allah.

Good point as well. But for a woman, it might not be easy to divorce such a man. When a woman gets married, she expects it to be for life. And, esp the way Muslims usually get married, the couple may not know much about eachother before the marriage. Therefore, a woman can be married to a man who is nice on the outside, but a jerk on the inside. She may not find out about his selfish ways until a year or more into the marriage, when she is tied in even further with a child or children between them.

So, to ask why a woman would remain with such a man, the answer is pretty much clear. Women sacrifice a great deal for their husband and children, and usually have hope that things will get better. It's only when he pushes it too far, or pushes her over the edge, that she will go for a divorce.

Just my opinion.

[PiElle2]

so say some people, other scolars say its not a valid condition wa Allahu alam, but personally i dont beleive u can make the halal haram on a man, Allah ta ala made this permissible for a man, so who are we to make it haram for him, and cause our sisters in Islam the pain of being alone for 70 odd years on this earth, love for ur sister/brother what u love for yourself is the bottem line, and im sure most women would not complain even slightly if their husband were away working for a charity a few nights a week, and yet they complain when their husbands take care of their sisters in Islam in a halal marriage.

i think the main issue here is a christan/western mindset instead of an islamic one. A persons marriage is his own buisness, and when a man marries then what goes on between him and his wife is no one elses buisness, not even his other wifes, and we shouldnt even let the thought enter our heads, audu billah, so thinking about our husbands, in their other marriages is a no no, and if we just got on with taking care of what goes on inside our own marriage then no woman would have a problem, and would just get on with it like the mothers of the beleivers and the sahabiyat did masha Allah, why change the rules of Islam now after all this time, Islam is perfect a perfect system a perfect way of life we dont need to go round thinking we have a better way.

so true sis... why should we muslims have the same problems as the non-muslims.... you hear so many stories where non-muslims women fight over the rights of being the only wife of her husband. whereas in islam, it's pemissible for muslim man to marry more.... it's not about fighting about that but being able to get along.... and carry out our responsibilities for the sake of Allah...

if we look at it positively, we help one another to have a secured family and yet have more free time to pursue our dreams... i can't imagine how much responsibilites a woman has if her chores are not distributed... it's very stressful to take care of a husband and family...

[PiElle2]

Good point as well. But for a woman, it might not be easy to divorce such a man. When a woman gets married, she expects it to be for life. And, esp the way Muslims usually get married, the couple may not know much about eachother before the marriage. Therefore, a woman can be married to a man who is nice on the outside, but a jerk on the inside. She may not find out about his selfish ways until a year or more into the marriage, when she is tied in even further with a child or children between them.

So, to ask why a woman would remain with such a man, the answer is pretty much clear. Women sacrifice a great deal for their husband and children, and usually have hope that things will get better. It's only when he pushes it too far, or pushes her over the edge, that she will go for a divorce.

Just my opinion.


That is quite the challenge inni, sis? Esp when the woman can only have 1 husband, her marriage is so important to them... imagine what she has to go thru on a daily basis thinking when her husband will remarry again... and yet the husbands will never be able to understand how a woman can feel about sharing her husband. yet they can give unnecessary, unreasonable demands, excuses and criticisms... about her looks, her dressings, cooking... blah blah blah...

[aboosait]

................ the couple may not know much about eachother before the marriage........... She may not find out about his selfish ways until a year or more into the marriage, when she is tied in even further with a child or children between them.............

He too will not be aware of the pleasures of married life before marriage, and would like to add to the pleasures once he experiences them, more so if his first wife is a true muslim......(my opinion)

[aboosait]

............. there was a woman who was married to rasoolAllah salAllahu alleyhi wa salam, and she was so delighted to be married that she asked him to marry her sister..................

1. Once a woman is married to rasoolAllah salAllahu alleyhi wa salam, she automatically becomes 'Ummul Mu'mineen.

2. The Prophet Muhammad (sas) is blessed in his physical body, in his characteristics and actions, and this barakah can also be brought about by his physical body, his characteristics and his actions.

3. It is firmly established from the Companions that they used to seek blessings through certain things from his body which had separated from his body, such as his hair, or the water from the wudhoo’ or blood etc. These hadeeths have come in the two Saheehs and are authentic.

In the light of the above facts, while accepting the persimissibility of plural marriage for men under specified conditions, your statement "and she was so delighted to be married that she asked him to marry her sister." cannot be used as a yardstick for standardising the rule regarding a wife permiting her husband to marry again.

[Asiyah576]

It best if you do tell her. Don't you think so?

[PiElle2]

if u dont want ur husband to have another wife...then u can add it to the conditions in your nikah.......

what about if you dun want your msuslim husband to have another muslim wife, dun marry any muslim man in the first place...

[PiElle2]

i think the original poster was talking about the husband telling her or them before remarrying. like say can a man tell his wife calmly during dinner that he got married to another wife that afternoon. It may not be a sin but it does'nt sound nice cuz most of us would be like whaaat? and you're just telling me now?

why should the question be an issue if the bigger issue is whether the wife can accept the situation... does shifting the blame sound familiar...?

btw dun forget what rewards the earlier wife will get...to reject the situation is to reject the rewards Allah has intended for.... :)

[aboosait]

btw dun forget what rewards the earlier wife will get...to reject the situation is to reject the rewards Allah has intended for.... :)

1. What is the reward?

2. Where is the promise of reward for permitting one's husband to marry again?

Please provide proof.

[fisabilllillah]

what about if you dun want your msuslim husband to have another muslim wife, dun marry any muslim man in the first place...

lol...it was nothing personal man......i jus heard it that u can...............im not refuting polygamous marriages.....i have many in my own fam....jeeezzzzz.....i guess ive given to many women bad ideas ooooops

[PiElle2]

lol...it was nothing personal man......i jus heard it that u can...............im not refuting polygamous marriages.....i have many in my own fam....jeeezzzzz.....i guess ive given to many women bad ideas ooooops


no worries... i ain't going get emotional when someone is willing to share their tots... LOL

[PiElle2]

1. What is the reward?

2. Where is the promise of reward for permitting one's husband to marry again?

Please provide proof.


well... a sister mentioned it to me about reward... i think it's in the hadith... i need dig out... will post when i find it Inshallah....

[PiElle2]

ok... i asked my ustaz about this question... he said (i am repeating what he told me, any inaccuracy pls forgive me)... the man does not need to ask his 1st wife if he is very confident he can protect and maintain both wives and equally and there will be no obstacles ie. he can maintain harmony in the family. Then he can proceed to propose for 2nd marriage without telling his 1st wife.

but if there is any doubt that it may create any problems or trouble than he should reconsider the 2nd proposal.

i think it makes sense, so if the husband is not sure, better consult someone even if it's the 1st wife.

:)

[Rosalie-Beauty]

Ineviatably the firstwife is going to find out, 'cause a man cant hide anything from his wife. In addition, he should not have to work extra strenously just to acquire a seocnd wife. If he wants a second wife he is required to have the money to support her.

[aboosait]

well... a sister mentioned it to me about reward... i think it's in the hadith... i need dig out... will post when i find it Inshallah....

Jazakallahu Khair.

Waiting for your post on the above subject..

i think it's in the hadith

Please make sure.

[smile_2008]

wow i loved it its good game hide and seek i will get married but i think i had enough from first one i do accept challenges its in my cv so i wil accept as a challenge but i havent got enough hairs left hehe kidding

[shamson]

polygamy is a big thing here in yemen and i have met first wives and second wives and subhanallah trust me itz a lot of hard work for both the men and women involved. both wives are always unhappy about something oh you took er out, you got them this, why don't you do that, i need this she doesn't blah blah blah itz such a headache. I sympathise the first wives coz it is something they didn't expect when they married but the 2nd/3rd/4th ones always knew they are now sharing SOMEONE ELSE'S husband.

even if the man gets married a 3rd time it is still harder of the first wife then the second. from what I have seen

[in_exile]

what not about them... some brothers rather do over time at work then come home

u mean the sissy ranmarid types

[Mosaab Ibn Omer]

;)No it's not ... Anyway It's just good to be direct and honest rather than the first wife knows from other sources

[elji]

Wow, he doesn't have to tell her?....

of course he does :smack:

[ummbilal]

no its not, but any good husband will.


proofs?

Did the Prophet saws discuss his marriages with his existing wives?

[afsalim]

Suppose if a brother decides to tell to his wife about his decision to marry again and the wife does not like it, what then? Does she have any say in this? Does she have the right of divorce?

[in_exile]

Suppose if a brother decides to tell to his wife about his decision to marry again and the wife does not like it, what then? Does she have any say in this? Does she have the right of divorce?

no

[Um_yusuf]

ya ukhti our husbands do not "belong" to us, they are the amirs of the ummah, As Almighty Allah stated in the Quran men are the protectors and maintainers of women, the prophet salallahu alleyhi wa salam said that a sign of the last days will be that there will be 50 women who will have to be taken care of by one man, obviously he wont be able to marry them all but he will be responsible before Allah for taking care of them. if every woman wanted "her own" husband then u would deny millions of women the opportunity of marriage and having children u know there are far more women than men in this world already. and they may fall into sin, subhanAllah women have needs too, they need to be cared for and loved, and to be protected from falling into zinnah audu billah we even see some muslim women resorting to marrying non muslims because they cant find a husband audu billah.

In the christian/western world this idea is common, one man + one woman, but we are not christians alhamdulillah we are muslims, there was a woman who was married to rasoolAllah salAllahu alleyhi wa salam, and she was so delighted to be married that she asked him to marry her sister :D

of course its not permissible to marry two sisters at the same time, so he declined, but see the sweetness of the iman, she loved to be married and wanted the same for her sister masha Allah its a beautiful thing, if i had a good husband i would be happy for him to marry other good sisters who had no one to care for them, its just the christian/western mindset that makes this an issue for women today, and we need to start thinking like muslims insha Allah, and its easy all u have to do is change ur mind :up:

salaam sis

This is beautifully put and i totally agree:up:
this is what i posted o another forum concerning this subject:)

salaam

Firstly i want to say tht whatever Allah swt has allowed always has a good reason and blessing in it, so therefore there is nothing wrong with the law, however again the problem is muslims (who abuse the law) not Islam.
If my husband said to me tomorrow that he wants to remarry, i would stand by him and not object , but i cant say how i'll feel as i've not been in tht situation. We all have choices , Allah swt has given a woman the right to seek a divorce if her husband is not fulfilling his duties and if he is abusing the polygyny laws, she has the right to leave such a situation.
Saying that i would like to add i would never object to or say anything against a law that Allah swt has passed, its the muslim men who abuse these laws that need to change and sort themselves out.

[umm shuyookh]

proofs?

Did the Prophet saws discuss his marriages with his existing wives?

what proofs are you asking about sister? the original poster asked a question;

When a brother looks for another wife in marriage is it Wajib (compulsory) for him to tell his first wife?

and i answered that it is not, as there is no proof that it is waajib.

I added that that any good man will tell his first wife because this is what I understand "living with them in kindness" and other such verses from the quran and hadith to mean.

If we are to go along the line of your question concerning a man telling his wife [not getting permission] he wants to marry another wife, we may as well say any brother who tells his wife he wants to remarry is going against the sunnah, right?

[afsalim]

no

No to which part? Her having a say in all this or having the right of divorce?

[in_exile]

No to which part? Her having a say in all this or having the right of divorce?

she has a say in as much as the husband wants her to have a say in it...

and no she has no right to divorce because of it

[afsalim]

she has a say in as much as the husband wants her to have a say in it...

and no she has no right to divorce because of it

So that means she has to put up with it no matter what? That is not treating justly. Surah An-Nisa states: "Wa-in khiftum alla tuqsitoo feealyatama fainkihoo ma tabalakum mina alnnisa-i mathna wathulathawarubaAAa fa-in khiftum alla taAAdiloo fawahidatanaw ma malakat aymanukum thalika adnaalla taAAooloo" Translation: "If ye fear that ye shall not be able to deal justly with the orphans, Marry women of your choice, Two or three or four; but if ye fear that ye shall not be able to deal justly (with them), then only one, or (a captive) that your right hands possess, that will be more suitable, to prevent you from doing injustice." Not listening to your wife's complaints or doing whatever you feel like does not constitute as "Just Treatment".

We have to see beyond the boundaries and stop treating women like an object and an incubator.

[in_exile]

So that means she has to put up with it no matter what? That is not treating justly. Surah An-Nisa states: "Wa-in khiftum alla tuqsitoo feealyatama fainkihoo ma tabalakum mina alnnisa-i mathna wathulathawarubaAAa fa-in khiftum alla taAAdiloo fawahidatanaw ma malakat aymanukum thalika adnaalla taAAooloo" Translation: "If ye fear that ye shall not be able to deal justly with the orphans, Marry women of your choice, Two or three or four; but if ye fear that ye shall not be able to deal justly (with them), then only one, or (a captive) that your right hands possess, that will be more suitable, to prevent you from doing injustice." Not listening to your wife's complaints or doing whatever you feel like does not constitute as "Just Treatment".

We have to see beyond the boundaries and stop treating women like an object and an incubator.

why do you just make up tings of the top of your head...

not listening to them doesnt constitute just treatment since when? if my wife side you should work in x place and i said no does that mean i am unjust to her? or if she told me to wear a white shirt and i said no?

unjust is denying her, her rights or abusing her... unjust is not that you dont accept her opinion on a matter that is not her right

[afsalim]

why do you just make up tings of the top of your head...

not listening to them doesnt constitute just treatment since when? if my wife side you should work in x place and i said no does that mean i am unjust to her? or if she told me to wear a white shirt and i said no?

unjust is denying her, her rights or abusing her... unjust is not that you dont accept her opinion on a matter that is not her right

Treating justly constitutes ensuring basic rights and freedoms to which all humans are entitled. Those rights also include the right of an opinion. Unless you personally believe that sexual differences are enough to justify societies in which women have been restricted to significantly inferior and secondary roles, then it's a different thing.

[in_exile]

Treating justly constitutes ensuring basic rights and freedoms to which all humans are entitled. Those rights also include the right of an opinion. Unless you personally believe that sexual differences are enough to justify societies in which women have been restricted to significantly inferior and secondary roles, then it's a different thing.

of course she has the right to an opinion.... *rolleyes*

but that doesnt mean that her opinion has to be deemed correct...

the situation is similar to that of your parents... it is obligatory to obey them... but if your parents tell you to marry someone, you dont have to marry them even if they insist because that is something which is outside of their control ie something which you as a son do not have to obey them on.... or if they tell you not to get married a second time again that is something which is not part of their right, so you take their opinion respect it but if you feel it is not the right one then you do not need to follow it and that in no way is disobeying them or disrespecting them... the same reality is for a wife.... she has an opinion you consult her speak about it, but if you don't like it or accept it then thats your choice

and the role of motherhood and wife and sister and daughter is second to none *rolleyes* a secular teacher might have taught you otherwise but the role of mother is in fact probably the most important role and status