View Full Version : Your a great girl BUT............
munyeka
22-10-07, 12:27 PM
.................So Muslims brothers..those of you that moan that you cant find a decent sister, please help!
Here I am a decent Muslim sister...looking to marry and every perspective marriage partner that I find or like says
" your a great girl....feet on the ground, head scrwed on, etc etc BUT....."
there always seem to be a missing link from the guys side....a buzz...a click...whatever I dont know
From my understanding that is the muwaddah and rahmah that Allah places between spouses AFTER marriage NOT before.
Isnt a the virtue of a woman enough for men these days. From what it seems all the men i get introduced to are looking for a Bollywood style marriage and expect an instant "click" thing.
Is it like that for those of you who are married...do you click with ur spouses...or is the love you have based on years of living with and understanding ur wife/husband....i prefer the latter and want the latter.
I want the mwaddah and rahmah of Allah between us not some "click" or "buzz" or "x - factor"
what am i doing wrong? or am i meeting the wrong guys?
you are meeting the wrong guys
imanalistic
22-10-07, 12:33 PM
its true sis! i am the same but opposite. if i was introduced to a bollywood style sister, i would say no instantly.
strange how people find it difficult to marry, when you want an islamically minded person, all the non islamically minded people come knocking on your door, and when you want a bollywood type person, all the islamically minded people come knocking on your door.
"Clicking" and falling in love are completely different. You can click with anyone, beit a family relative, a school teacher, a friend. Anyone. But in your context, guys rejecting you - there can be a few reasons for that.
They do not want to marry yet.
Although they can get along with you, they might not be attracted to you.Those are the only two I can think of at the moment but regardless of the specifics, they are not for you. As Elji said, if you are looking for a man to marry then just keep looking and you'll find him/he'll find you. It seems like your looking for a bond with someone, this comes after time. It doesn't just happen.
curious_man
22-10-07, 02:18 PM
just keep looking until you find someone who 'double clicks' with you :P
munyeka
22-10-07, 02:19 PM
I'm looking for a guy that will marry me becuase I am a decent girl.....
.....not looking for a bond, or love, or a click thing
i guess im just meeting all the WRONG guys!
dunya_or_akhira
22-10-07, 02:29 PM
expand your social circle with sisters..i am sure some sisters will be able to help you find someone...
Sis, young people mostly don't marry just because the other person is "decent". They look at certain things in them and then make a decision to meet the best candidates. And when discussing marriage with them and things of that nature, sometimes they can get along great and usually they end up becoming husband & wife.
Most people here on these forums are single and are decent men and women but that isn't enough to spend the rest of your lives with that person. Naturally, we all look to find something unique in our spouses - beit an amazing character, humour, having things in common etc. You should try to look for someone who appeals to you and maybe you'll appeal to him too. That's the best you can do.
Sis dont despair, these things dont happen when you will....its when Allah wills, Allah says BE and it is...
would you rather wait for the god fearing spouse you make dua for to come along or some bollywood hero with his head in the clouds.
a guy aint worth it is hes going to autopsy your looks and 'clicks' whn you meet.
tell him to do one :hidban:
munyeka
22-10-07, 02:32 PM
without going into too much depth thats pretty much what I've been doing...to no avail. just having a down day thats all!
*Al-Qadr*
22-10-07, 02:34 PM
If they want someone perfect with no "but this, but that" they gonna be waiting a longggggggggg time.
imanalistic
22-10-07, 02:34 PM
I'm looking for a guy that will marry me becuase I am a decent girl.....
.....not looking for a bond, or love, or a click thing
i guess im just meeting all the WRONG guys!
When the right guy comes along, it will happen insha'allah. the brothers who are looking for the bollywood type of girl are not looking for a decent girl like yourself sister!
dunya_or_akhira
22-10-07, 02:35 PM
all those people who liked you but said BUTTTTTTTTTTTT ...and didnt agree were actually people who were not good for you and it was Allah swt way of getting rid of them for you, rather then you being stuck with the wrong person
without going into too much depth thats pretty much what I've been doing...to no avail. just having a down day thats all!
If you don't have much requirements/expectations from someone then there are alot of brothers who are looking for wives. Just make yourself known to be available
Khadija222333
22-10-07, 02:35 PM
When the right guy comes Insha Allah there'll be no buts. :inlove: :outta:
*Al-Qadr*
22-10-07, 02:37 PM
When the right guy comes Insha Allah there'll be no buts. :inlove: :outta:
Lol yea :up: , I think people say "everything just falls into place"
Khadija222333
22-10-07, 02:38 PM
Lol yea :up: , I think people say "everything just falls into place"
Yeah something like that happens...:fairy: :love: :outta:
If you don't have much requirements/expectations from someone then there are alot of brothers who are looking for wives. Just make yourself known to be available
how does one manage that?
how does one manage that?
It all starts with family, you spread the news to your relatives and ask them to spread it, especially the male relatives because no doubt they'll know people who are single and ready for marriage. Also, go to the local masjid and speak to the Imam about asking his wife and her friends and relatives to spread it. He can give a lecture about marriage and mention that he knows a few sisters who are looking for a husband and anyone there who is interested to speak to him after in private. You can do this with several masjids.
But sitting at home day dreaming gets you nowhere.
munyeka
22-10-07, 02:47 PM
Of course I have expectations and requirements.....it would be silly to assume that i didnt...
i found a guy who met most of my requirements, i met most of his too, give or take a few things. And although we liked one another we didnt quite "click"...so he left it.
now im beginning to wonder whether im the one thats looking for the wrong kinds guys....but there can be nothing wrong in wanting a god fearing guy.
hmm i dont know. im sure he'll come find me and whisk me away, whenever the time is right...its just lonely sometimes!
hint*hint* :inlove:
Desi might be onto something here..
dunya_or_akhira
22-10-07, 02:49 PM
oh desi power you really are an aunty ji:up:
Abu Mu'adh
22-10-07, 02:50 PM
Mash'Allah it's great that you're a decent girl, but that on it's own doesn't suffice, if your to spend your whole life with him/her there has to be a bond, love, attraction, personality, deen, character, haya.
munyeka
22-10-07, 02:52 PM
lol.............of course.....decent encompasses many things....im not one to blow my own trumpet!
munyeka
22-10-07, 03:02 PM
what did ur original message say? was deleted b4 i read it?
I think she did that because people have complained about what they have perceived as flirtation on the forums. So any references towards two opposite gender members on the forum in that way, if they're not married, is being stamped down on.
dunya_or_akhira
22-10-07, 03:10 PM
la la la ...someone may be gettin banned if they challenge the mod
Na'eemah
22-10-07, 03:42 PM
Boys always go for the loud mouth uggers
Allow them. Allah SWT will provide better :insha:
dhakiyya
22-10-07, 04:00 PM
If users have problems with moderating decisions, take it to the helpdesk. That is what it is there for.
Lambo5688
22-10-07, 04:40 PM
oohh cmon children, take it easy!
Now back to addressing the sister's problem! (and me back to my Civ assignment:D)
Umm 'Umarah
22-10-07, 04:54 PM
Don't take any notice of what these brothers say to you, Insha'Allah it has already been decreed who your future spouse is going to be, it's just a matter of time Insha'Allah. Just have sabr sister, everything is by the will and wisdom of Allah and when your future spouse arrives everything will fall into place without all this extra talk about "clicking" and any x-factor business taking place. so, don't fret Insha'Allah. :)
have sabr, make du'aa for a pious spouse, let your parents/family find a suitor for you, these brothers that it didn't work out with shouldn't have divulged in unnecessary superficial talk with you about clicking and stuff, if it wasn't going to work out, it wasn't going to work out that should have been the end of it. don't allow people to disrespect you in that way and make you feel inferior because you're not.
Peacenik
22-10-07, 05:30 PM
You know, one has to 'kiss' a lot of frogs to find their prince (or princess) :)
I speak from experience (and I'm still going through that process).
It takes time for someone to meet the right person; in some rare instances, it might not take that long, but we should have Faith and Trust in ALLAH (SWT).
Please try not to go against the Decision of ALLAH (SWT) - He Knows what's best for you.
:)
insomniac
22-10-07, 05:34 PM
Boys always go for the loud mouth uggers
Allow them. Allah SWT will provide better :insha:
uggers :confused:
Peacenik
22-10-07, 05:35 PM
uggers :confused:
Unga Bunga ?
(*_Hamzah
22-10-07, 05:35 PM
If everyone married back home then half of these problems would be eradicated :up:
Peacenik
22-10-07, 05:46 PM
If everyone married back home then half of these problems would be eradicated :up:
Insha'Allah :)
If everyone married back home then half of these problems would be eradicated :up:
yeh with even bigger problems instead:rubeyes:
They'd be marrying chickens, goats and turtles :D The brothers know what im talking about lol
.................So Muslims brothers..those of you that moan that you cant find a decent sister, please help!
Here I am a decent Muslim sister...looking to marry and every perspective marriage partner that I find or like says
" your a great girl....feet on the ground, head scrwed on, etc etc BUT....."
there always seem to be a missing link from the guys side....a buzz...a click...whatever I dont know
From my understanding that is the muwaddah and rahmah that Allah places between spouses AFTER marriage NOT before.
Isnt a the virtue of a woman enough for men these days. From what it seems all the men i get introduced to are looking for a Bollywood style marriage and expect an instant "click" thing.
Is it like that for those of you who are married...do you click with ur spouses...or is the love you have based on years of living with and understanding ur wife/husband....i prefer the latter and want the latter.
I want the mwaddah and rahmah of Allah between us not some "click" or "buzz" or "x - factor"
what am i doing wrong? or am i meeting the wrong guys?
What do you mean by click?
What do you mean by click?
chemistry?.. maybe..
chemistry?.. maybe..
Sorry for my naiveness, but how can you tell? :eek3:
Sorry for my naiveness, but how can you tell? :eek3:
To be honest, I don't have a clue.. :o
Sorry for my naiveness, but how can you tell? :eek3:
u feel at ease talking to them or being in their presence maybe?
basically there isnt any uncomfiness when talking etc i finks :rubeyes:
To be honest, I don't have a clue.. :o
:up:
:up:
lol, I think it's about being comfortable with one another and managing to carry on a conversation without your thoughts drifting onto other topics. :up:
u feel at ease talking to them or being in their presence maybe?
basically there isnt any uncomfiness when talking etc i finks :rubeyes:
Good point. :)
I would have thought chemistry is how well two people get along or like each other - not necessarily how much they have in common. I presume it's a connection - it's a spark between two people. I could be wrong.
I agree with what most ppl on this thread have already said broaden ur social circle and yes u r meeting all the wrong guys. Just hold up out there itl happen when Allah swt wills it to happen.
Chemistry is when you're so comfortable with the person that you can say anything and talk about anything with them spontaneously and they'd immediately pick up the flow and carry on. It's unique and often desired trait that people look for from a potential spouse because its easy to build a relationship with someone you get along with so easily and act normally. Because most of us are different in terms of how we are with our brothers and sisters at home in our bedrooms than we are with a person we know at school or work.
In Science, chemistry is the the study of matter and the way it interacts. So we use that to also describe how well two people can interact and relate to each other aswell.
Good point. :)
I would have thought chemistry is how well two people get along or like each other - not necessarily how much they have in common. I presume it's a connection - it's a spark between two people. I could be wrong.
You are right.
Chemistry is when you're so comfortable with the person that you can say anything and talk about anything with them spontaneously and they'd immediately pick up the flow and carry on. It's unique and often desired trait that people look for from a potential spouse because its easy to build a relationship with someone you get along with so easily and act normally. Because most of us are different in terms of how we are with our brothers and sisters at home in our bedrooms than we are with a person we know at school or work.
In Science, chemistry is the the study of matter and the way it interacts. So we use that to also describe how well two people can interact and relate to each other aswell.
Hmm I see what you mean. It's like, when you are talking, there is not a silent moment - it's not awkward - conversation comes naturally - and you don't want it to end.
^that's what I've been told.
Desipower
22-10-07, 07:56 PM
Just don't try finding anyone on this place, might be labeled as "flirtatious" and get banned.
Peacenik
22-10-07, 07:57 PM
Hmm I see what you mean. It's like, when you are talking, there is not a silent moment - it's not awkward - conversation comes naturally - and you don't want it to end.
^that's what I've been told.
And you would have been told correct, Kubs :)
dunya_or_akhira
22-10-07, 07:59 PM
lol i thought u was banned....last time i questioned a mod i was warned severlyyy to not or else....:torture:
SisterIslam
22-10-07, 08:03 PM
Ah forget about it sis. Take things as they come. Allah knows best what is good for you.
Peacenik
22-10-07, 08:03 PM
lol i thought u was banned....last time i questioned a mod i was warned severlyyy to not or else....:torture:
Who, me ?
:rubeyes:
sis muneka, dump them before they dump u. :D
(*_Hamzah
22-10-07, 08:57 PM
yeh with even bigger problems instead:rubeyes:
What kind of problems, there must be an Urdu, Bengali, Arabic, Gujarati, “I want my Caffe Latte " or is easier to say it in English?
afrasayab
23-10-07, 01:20 AM
Just don't try finding anyone on this place, might be labeled as "flirtatious" and get banned.
You may have good intensions but this is not a matremonial site. Plus not everyone here is serious, so ppl might think you are being a flirt. This is a website, so you don't know who is who... when I talk to someone I always have good and honest intensions but ppl are deceiving... so..
.................So Muslims brothers..those of you that moan that you cant find a decent sister, please help!
Here I am a decent Muslim sister...looking to marry and every perspective marriage partner that I find or like says
" your a great girl....feet on the ground, head scrwed on, etc etc BUT....."
there always seem to be a missing link from the guys side....a buzz...a click...whatever I dont know
From my understanding that is the muwaddah and rahmah that Allah places between spouses AFTER marriage NOT before.
Isnt a the virtue of a woman enough for men these days. From what it seems all the men i get introduced to are looking for a Bollywood style marriage and expect an instant "click" thing.
Is it like that for those of you who are married...do you click with ur spouses...or is the love you have based on years of living with and understanding ur wife/husband....i prefer the latter and want the latter.
I want the mwaddah and rahmah of Allah between us not some "click" or "buzz" or "x - factor"
what am i doing wrong? or am i meeting the wrong guys?
keep trying. You cant force a man to want you.
there can be (and should be in my view from experience) a buzz or a click before marriage. That doesnt mean to seek marriage in a haram way. But when you communicate there must be that extra something that tells you that this is the man for you and he must see it the same.
afrasayab
23-10-07, 01:31 AM
I'm looking for a guy that will marry me becuase I am a decent girl.....
.....not looking for a bond, or love, or a click thing
i guess im just meeting all the WRONG guys!
There is no such a thing as wrong or right guy... someone maybe good for you or someone may not. You say you are a decent girl yet can't find a decent guy, let me ask this, how many decent guys have you rejected? Everyone has different requirements, and in simple economic terms everyone puts a price for themselves and will be sold to the highest bidder. Unfortunatly decency doesn't have very high price these days, and it is very hard to find buyers for it. This economic analysis may offend some ppl but it works very well.
For those saying, cheap phrases like 'you are meeting the wrong guys', well where are the right guys then? Cheap because, such phrases have no meaning, they are there to just make you feel better.
As you can see I am in a very good mood............... not!
For those saying, cheap phrases like 'you are meeting the wrong guys', well where are the right guys then? Cheap because, such phrases have no meaning, they are there to just make you feel better.
As you can see I am in a very good mood............... not!
exactly..... why dont ppl just say it like is?
just to add something positive for the thread maker (forgot the name) not to be all mean or anything but ur situation isnt really that bad becuz at least they let u know that ur a "GREAT GIRL".... at least ur fiance isnt trying to run away from u :rolleyes:
mansoor36
23-10-07, 07:24 AM
I would like to add something in here.
Formerly, our families were taking the burden and they were doing all what is necessary to find the right spouse, they would look at character, akhlaaq, compatibility and other issues, and male or female would be faced with choices, even the boy or girl can mention his/her choices when the family go into the circle to look for. Believe me it was easier that way, and for us who married more than 10 years back, thats how we got our partner and we have lived happily since then.
The problem is our life has been corrupted, lifestyle has changed, western culture has infiltrated in our system and is not easy to stay away from it, the boy or a girl want to spend some time with the other party before he decides, all sort of things which are actually not permissible in Islam.
Some real innocent and decent people suffer because of the enviornment we live in, I believe the solution is to have marriage consultancy in our society and some of our elders should have full-time job for that. I strongly believe there might be many who might not reading the forum, but they are still practising muslims are on the lookout but do not know where to start, whom to consult, whom to share their thoughts with, who can help out there, we might have solution for this sister and other sisters and brothers who are facing the same problem...
Abu Mu'adh
23-10-07, 07:32 AM
^^^^^^this reminds me of this eid dinner I attended, there was a brother present who went around the brothers section asking if anybody was interested in getting married, that he and his wife assist in finding partners, the wife has a portfolio of sisters and so does the brother of brothers, you present your requirements and he/she discusses with his/her wife/husband and finds a suitable match from each of their portfolio of candidates......lol needless to say i took his number down just in case.
I would like to add something in here.
Formerly, our families were taking the burden and they were doing all what is necessary to find the right spouse, they would look at character, akhlaaq, compatibility and other issues, and male or female would be faced with choices, even the boy or girl can mention his/her choices when the family go into the circle to look for. Believe me it was easier that way, and for us who married more than 10 years back, thats how we got our partner and we have lived happily since then.
The problem is our life has been corrupted, lifestyle has changed, western culture has infiltrated in our system and is not easy to stay away from it, the boy or a girl want to spend some time with the other party before he decides, all sort of things which are actually not permissible in Islam.
Some real innocent and decent people suffer because of the enviornment we live in, I believe the solution is to have marriage consultancy in our society and some of our elders should have full-time job for that. I strongly believe there might be many who might not reading the forum, but they are still practising muslims are on the lookout but do not know where to start, whom to consult, whom to share their thoughts with, who can help out there, we might have solution for this sister and other sisters and brothers who are facing the same problem...
yep absolutely, in the past muslims would ensure that they helped those who were in need of getting married by asking around, and finding people with similar traits and compatible personalities and matching them in marriage insha Allah,the imam should also be taking on this respionsability towards the reverts,and those who dont have a walli, but now the imams dont even know the members of their community, they dont feel any responsability towards them, and its mostly all about the family honour, which race, or even which village u come from, how wealthy the families are and do they have university degrees etc. as a result many muslims today cannot find a suitable spouse, and in the case of sisters who stay at home as Allah commanded them to do,and dont have a masjid in their area, then for many reverts no one even knows they exist.
personality compatibilty is the most important thing after deen, insha Allah sister munyeka, i think as a woman its easy to find that u can get along with most of the ones u meet, but then women are very accomodating and dutiful its in their nature (otherwise we couldnt put up with raising kids ;) ) so most women can love even the most difficult of men, but for men theyre more picky its sadly not all about duty towards the muslim women, for many these days, its about pleasing their families.
Abu-Amr
23-10-07, 09:44 AM
[quote=munyeka;2205217].................So Muslims brothers..those of you that moan that you cant find a decent sister, please help!
Here I am a decent Muslim sister...looking to marry and every perspective marriage partner that I find or like says
I am decent Muslim brother, but no one wants to marry me!
Abu Mu'adh
23-10-07, 10:25 AM
Woo Hoo a possible marriage in the pipeline, can I do the Nikah :hidban:
.................So Muslims brothers..those of you that moan that you cant find a decent sister, please help!
Here I am a decent Muslim sister...looking to marry and every perspective marriage partner that I find or like says
" your a great girl....feet on the ground, head scrwed on, etc etc BUT....."
there always seem to be a missing link from the guys side....a buzz...a click...whatever I dont know
From my understanding that is the muwaddah and rahmah that Allah places between spouses AFTER marriage NOT before.
Isnt a the virtue of a woman enough for men these days. From what it seems all the men i get introduced to are looking for a Bollywood style marriage and expect an instant "click" thing.
Is it like that for those of you who are married...do you click with ur spouses...or is the love you have based on years of living with and understanding ur wife/husband....i prefer the latter and want the latter.
I want the mwaddah and rahmah of Allah between us not some "click" or "buzz" or "x - factor"
what am i doing wrong? or am i meeting the wrong guys?
[quote=munyeka;2205217].................So Muslims brothers..those of you that moan that you cant find a decent sister, please help!
Here I am a decent Muslim sister...looking to marry and every perspective marriage partner that I find or like says
I am decent Muslim brother, but no one wants to marry me!
dunya_or_akhira
23-10-07, 10:32 AM
be careful you may be banned by the mods for arranging marriages on this forum as this is not a marriage bureau website
the best posts in my opinion go to mansoor and asiya
Supernova Nebula
23-10-07, 10:39 AM
Just move on sis, there's no point giving yourself a headache thinking why some blokes are like that. Like brjimc says, u can't force a man to want you. InshaAllah you'll find your other half sooner or later.:D
munyeka
23-10-07, 10:52 AM
lol..................nice to see i've provoked such a profound discussion.
Of course ive moved on...
......i was just annoyed, needed a rant and now feel better, thanks all the lovely people who say all the lovely things...when you need to hear them!
HOWEVER....a woman is married for the 4 reasons that we all know...
her deen
her beauty
her wealth or
her social status/lineage!
..and i wanna be married because of my deen
i was so incredibly lost as the guy that i was introduced was everything ive always asked Allah for in a guy......and I pretty much hit the nail on the head with his requirements....yet there was something missing............i guess i have to re-evaluate my list!!
Anyway whatever Allah wills happens and everything was created in pairs and I know Mr Munyeka is probably frantically searching for me too....yet we will only meet when Allah has ordained it for us to meet.....so in the meantime i will rant on the forum and be patient!:hidban:
lol..................nice to see i've provoked such a profound discussion.
Of course ive moved on...
......i was just annoyed, needed a rant and now feel better, thanks all the lovely people who say all the lovely things...when you need to hear them!
HOWEVER....a woman is married for the 4 reasons that we all know...
her deen
her beauty
her wealth or
her social status
..and i wanna be married because of my deen
i was so incredibly lost as the guy that i was introduced was everything ive always asked Allah for in a guy......and I pretty much hit the nail on the head with his requirements....yet there was something missing............i guess i have to re-evaluate my list!!
Anyway whatever Allah wills happens and everything was created in pairs and I know Mr Munyeka is probably frantically searching for me too....yet we will only meet when Allah has ordained it for us to meet.....so in the meantime i will rant on the forum and be patient!:hidban:
There is also no harm in pm'ing the people on the forum who are also in need of marriage and who posted on this thread. Pm them via third party or something. inshallah
HOWEVER....a woman is married for the 4 reasons that we all know...
her deen
her beauty
her wealth or
her social status
..and i wanna be married because of my deen
u know ukhti the hadith actually says that a woman can be married for four things, her beauty her wealth, or her linegage, but the prophet salAllahu alleyhi wa salam said marry for the deen or you will be a looser ...
the scolars explain the wisdom in this hadith, that in the days of jahilyah the people would marry for these 4 things and thus will not be sucessful in marriage because we know in Islam, actions are also according to our intentions.
the prophet salAllahu alleyhi wa salam also told us that, if a man migrates for the sake of marrying a woman, and does not marry her for the sake of Allah then he gets only what he intended ie: his migration, and because if u marry for beauty of course looks will fade with time, if he marries her for her family lineage then it could be lost and the family put into disgrace by one behaving improperly, and if he marries her for her wealth then that may cause him to try and take advantage of her, so the muslim men marry according to the deen alone in order that their marriages be sucessful insha Allah.
may Allah ta ala send u such a man amin.
Peacenik
23-10-07, 12:22 PM
I would like to add something in here.
Formerly, our families were taking the burden and they were doing all what is necessary to find the right spouse, they would look at character, akhlaaq, compatibility and other issues, and male or female would be faced with choices, even the boy or girl can mention his/her choices when the family go into the circle to look for. Believe me it was easier that way, and for us who married more than 10 years back, thats how we got our partner and we have lived happily since then.
The problem is our life has been corrupted, lifestyle has changed, western culture has infiltrated in our system and is not easy to stay away from it, the boy or a girl want to spend some time with the other party before he decides, all sort of things which are actually not permissible in Islam.
Some real innocent and decent people suffer because of the enviornment we live in, I believe the solution is to have marriage consultancy in our society and some of our elders should have full-time job for that. I strongly believe there might be many who might not reading the forum, but they are still practising muslims are on the lookout but do not know where to start, whom to consult, whom to share their thoughts with, who can help out there, we might have solution for this sister and other sisters and brothers who are facing the same problem...
Perfect summarisation.
Sad but true.
fisabilllillah
23-10-07, 12:29 PM
i think you just havent found him yet and your coming across the wrong sorta guys cos all they want is a bollywood style wedding :vomit:
Im glad u dont want a booly wood style wedding or want to look like an indian actress. There are plenty of brothers out there inshallah that r looking for a wife just like u so dont get disheartened by a few refusals based on shallow reasons. Inshallah khair..keep striving cos by allah's will, u'll see the complete reward.:up:
Peacenik
23-10-07, 12:32 PM
I'm a bro...
fisabilllillah
23-10-07, 12:32 PM
How old are you sis?
looool.........................:(:o ive had very stressful morning.....leave me alone.....
fisabilllillah
23-10-07, 12:35 PM
my naseehahs sooooo :confused: like that wasnt obvious to me b4:o
i think you just havent found him yet and your coming across the wrong sorta guys cos all they want is a bollywood style wedding :vomit:
Im glad u dont want a booly wood style wedding or want to look like an indian actress. There are plenty of brothers out there inshallah that r looking for a wife just like u so dont get disheartened by a few refusals based on shallow reasons. Inshallah khair..keep striving cos by allah's will, u'll see the complete reward.:up: ukhti ur right its good advise insha Allah :up:
fisabilllillah
23-10-07, 01:01 PM
jzkallah khair..but it was pretty straight forward advice and not delivered well....oh well.inshallah fisabillilah..im treating tuesday morn like monday morning lol :o
munyeka
23-10-07, 01:33 PM
jazakullah khair for all your great advice.....
....of course the bounties of Allah are infinite. Yet we are all human and get disheartened sometimes.....yet everyones on ummah is always at hand to get you back up again.....he's out there somewhere.....he'll come find me, Inshallah!
jazakullah khair for all your great advice.....
....of course the bounties of Allah are infinite. Yet we are all human and get disheartened sometimes.....yet everyones on ummah is always at hand to get you back up again.....he's out there somewhere.....he'll come find me, Inshallah!
lol Inshallah.
Pro_Candy
23-10-07, 02:19 PM
How about this one. "You're a great lady, but you have too many kids and too much baggage for me to deal with."
:rolleyes:
Just gotta be patient, and not rush it. InshaAllah the right person will come along :)
munyeka
23-10-07, 02:23 PM
hmmm i have NO baggage and NO children..lol...apparently my heads screwed on though ( nice to know ) and feet that are firmly on the ground.
I just dont have the X factor! lol
How about this one. "You're a great lady, but you have too many kids and too much baggage for me to deal with."
:rolleyes:
You really cant blame someone for saying that. As long as they make their position clear and dont string you along and mess you around.
Pro_Candy
23-10-07, 02:27 PM
You really cant blame someone for saying that. As long as they make their position clear and dont string you along and mess you around.
Yeah, I don't blame anyone. That's just how things turned out. If I ever marry again, woo hoo! If not, eh... oh well.
It is just irritating when people try to marry you off to someone as a 'second wife' because you won't ever get better. I'd rather not be married at all, than married out of pity :rolleyes: And I won't intrude on a woman's marriage.
curious_man
23-10-07, 02:28 PM
hmmm i have NO baggage and NO children..lol...apparently my heads screwed on though ( nice to know ) and feet that are firmly on the ground.
I just dont have the X factor! lol
Is your head screwed on with pozy or straight screws?
so you never :hidban: do this cos your feet are firmly on ground?
Maybe you should go on 'x factor' tv show to boost ur chances :P
curious_man
23-10-07, 02:29 PM
Yeah, I don't blame anyone. That's just how things turned out. If I ever marry again, woo hoo! If not, eh... oh well.
It is just irritating when people try to marry you off to someone as a 'second wife' because you won't ever get better. I'd rather not be married at all, than married out of pity :rolleyes: And I won't intrude on a woman's marriage.
oops I was going to propose you to be my 'second wife' :P AH well
Pro_Candy
23-10-07, 02:35 PM
oops I was going to propose you to be my 'second wife' :P AH well
Second? You're working on your second already, I would have been the third! You are in a rush to fill your four wife slots there, Bro! :rubeyes:
:rotfl:
oops I was going to propose you to be my 'second wife' :P AH well
you joker lol
curious_man
23-10-07, 02:41 PM
Second? You're working on your second already, I would have been the third! You are in a rush to fill your four wife slots there, Bro! :rubeyes:
:rotfl:
lol I keep forgetting am quite known here now - i got rid of my second marriage thread - sorry I was only joking bout proposing to ya - I REPEAT AM NOT LOOKING FOR THIRD YET :D
Pro_Candy
23-10-07, 02:43 PM
lol i keep forgetting am quite known here now - i got rid of my second marriage thread - sorry i meant third... :D
Turning pro now? Trying to hide a second marriage from the first, and a third from the possible second. How on earth do you do it? :rubeyes:
^^A reason I'll never intrude on another woman's marriage ;)
curious_man
23-10-07, 02:45 PM
Second? You're working on your second already, I would have been the third! You are in a rush to fill your four wife slots there, Bro! :rubeyes:
:rotfl:
What can I say I have soooooooooo much love to give - i feel for so many single sisters out there - just wanna do my bit to help out - ;)
Pro_Candy
23-10-07, 02:49 PM
What can I say I have soooooooooo much love to give - i feel for so many single sisters out there - just wanna do my bit to help out - ;)
Give your love to your first wife. Let your marriage bloom. You haven't been married long, Bro. Give it time, give HER time with her husband! You know, inshaAllah this will be her ONLY marriage. She doens't have a choice to find another man. So, give her some time to enjoy it!
And, there are plenty of single Brothers out there in need of a good wife... so don't try and snatch up all the good women! Spread the love, Bro!
What can I say I have soooooooooo much love to give - i feel for so many single sisters out there - just wanna do my bit to help out - ;)
i get a strong feeling you wont get any of that love back in return lol.
curious_man
23-10-07, 02:54 PM
:hidban:Turning pro now? Trying to hide a second marriage from the first, and a third from the possible second. How on earth do you do it? :rubeyes:
^^A reason I'll never intrude on another woman's marriage ;)
lol - no got rid of it cos the thread just wouldnt die - was carrying on for too long - and making me infamous.
SECOND IS ON HOLD AT THE MOMENT !
cos
Am looking for 3rd now.:hidban::hidban:
curious_man
23-10-07, 02:56 PM
i get a strong feeling you wont get any of that love back in return lol.
love is unconditional bro - One should always give without wanting it back --
Pro_Candy
23-10-07, 02:56 PM
SECOND IS ON HOLD AT THE MOMENT !
cos
Am looking for 3rd now.:hidban::hidban:
Oh boy... I do hope you're kidding!
Supernova Nebula
23-10-07, 02:57 PM
love is unconditional bro - One should always give without wanting it back --
loooool this coming from a bloke, should i cry or laugh?:D
curious_man
23-10-07, 03:00 PM
Give your love to your first wife. Let your marriage bloom. You haven't been married long, Bro. Give it time, give HER time with her husband! You know, inshaAllah this will be her ONLY marriage. She doens't have a choice to find another man. So, give her some time to enjoy it!
And, there are plenty of single Brothers out there in need of a good wife... so don't try and snatch up all the good women! Spread the love, Bro!
i do love my first hence am married to her :)
our marriage is good and is getting better every day.
I give HER time - (am at work right now and as u can c am not at work lol)
Of course this will be her only marriage - am her first and last love - alhumulillah.
Well I keep hearing single sisters pleas to be rescued from being single and I say to myself , u know u gotta spread ur good love - do something for ur ummah - just wish me luck on my mission sis :P
curious_man
23-10-07, 03:02 PM
loooool this coming from a bloke, should i cry or laugh?:D
jus add to my rep :P
You dont want guys who want Bollywood-type looking women yet you want a Bollywood type of situation where someone just comes and swoops you off your feet.
Unless we live in a fictional world and you're name is Lois Lane, that isn't going to happen sis. You cant just sit at home expecting something. As sister asiya says, you need to tie your camel first. You need to spread the word that you're looking for a decent man.
Pro_Candy
23-10-07, 03:17 PM
i do love my first hence am married to her :)
our marriage is good and is getting better every day.
I give HER time - (am at work right now and as u can c am not at work lol)
Of course this will be her only marriage - am her first and last love - alhumulillah.
Well I keep hearing single sisters pleas to be rescued from being single and I say to myself , u know u gotta spread ur good love - do something for ur ummah - just wish me luck on my mission sis :P
See, I can't help but to feel bad for your wife. Cuz, a lot of what you're saying, was thrown on me in my marriage. He thought he was my first and last as well. He was only half right. Thought he had so much love to give. Said our marriage was getting better and better. Sigh.... I have been through what your first wife will face :( And, it will be a lot worse if she is in love with you. Alhamduillah, I wasn't in love with my ex, he pushed me too far. So it wasn't hard for me to leave him when I was able, and when I had enough.
But who knows, maybe your first wife is the type who doesn't mind sharing a husband, inshaAllah.
The issue of multiple wives should be discussed before a marriage takes place, in my opinion. We should know somewhat what to expect.
umm shuyookh
23-10-07, 03:29 PM
See, I can't help but to feel bad for your wife. Cuz, a lot of what you're saying, was thrown on me in my marriage. He thought he was my first and last as well. He was only half right. Thought he had so much love to give. Said our marriage was getting better and better. Sigh.... I have been through what your first wife will face :( And, it will be a lot worse if she is in love with you. Alhamduillah, I wasn't in love with my ex, he pushed me too far. So it wasn't hard for me to leave him when I was able, and when I had enough.
But who knows, maybe your first wife is the type who doesn't mind sharing a husband, inshaAllah.
The issue of multiple wives should be discussed before a marriage takes place, in my opinion. We should know somewhat what to expect.
you are right ukhti, it should be discussed, but it will be smarter to still expect
it to happen anytime, even if he had said he'd stick with you and you alone, as some still may change their mind along the line anyway.
curious_man
23-10-07, 03:40 PM
See, I can't help but to feel bad for your wife. Cuz, a lot of what you're saying, was thrown on me in my marriage. He thought he was my first and last as well. He was only half right. Thought he had so much love to give. Said our marriage was getting better and better. Sigh.... I have been through what your first wife will face :( And, it will be a lot worse if she is in love with you. Alhamduillah, I wasn't in love with my ex, he pushed me too far. So it wasn't hard for me to leave him when I was able, and when I had enough.
But who knows, maybe your first wife is the type who doesn't mind sharing a husband, inshaAllah.
The issue of multiple wives should be discussed before a marriage takes place, in my opinion. We should know somewhat what to expect.
SORRY FOR BRINGING YOUR BAD MEMORIES BACK SIS. I DIDNT MEAN TO.
HOWEVER PLEASE DONT BE DISHEARTENED OF WHAT YOU READ HERE.
I agree multiple marriages issues should be agreed b4 marriage but you can talk over everything before marriage especially if you know the situation is very highly unlikely to occur...
curious_man
23-10-07, 03:42 PM
you are right ukhti, it should be discussed, but it will be smarter to still expect
it to happen anytime, even if he had said he'd stick with you and you alone, as some still may change their mind along the line anyway.
we all change over time on how we think over certain things -- life is unpredictable - e.g when I look at my old pics (10years ago) - god my clothes sense was shocking lol...
Desipower
23-10-07, 04:18 PM
A man can marry without reason or cause and take on more than one wife. So always expect that as a feasibility in your future. Only way out of it, if you don't want it, is to state it in your nikah agreement that no other marriage allowed while married to you. Then he can either accept those terms and sign the nikah agreement or look else where. Discussing such issues before hand solves a lot of headache.
umm shuyookh
23-10-07, 05:00 PM
A man can marry without reason or cause and take on more than one wife. So always expect that as a feasibility in your future. Only way out of it, if you don't want it, is to state it in your nikah agreement that no other marriage allowed while married to you. Then he can either accept those terms and sign the nikah agreement or look else where. Discussing such issues before hand solves a lot of headache.
sister, some men still remarry even after it is otherwise stated in the nikaah agreement, and the scholars said it is not a sin to do so. I still advice any one of us to have it at the back of her mind that there is the possibility, may make it easier, i think.
Desipower
23-10-07, 05:25 PM
sister, some men still remarry even after it is otherwise stated in the nikaah agreement, and the scholars said it is not a sin to do so. I still advice any one of us to have it at the back of her mind that there is the possibility, may make it easier, i think.
I like to see who these scholars are that say it's not a sin. A nikah namah is an agreement between two parties. If he breaks that agreement then she has the right to a divorce.
Praise be to Allaah.
Ibn Qudaamah (may Allaah have mercy on him) said in his book Al-Mughni:
“If he married her on the condition that he should not make her move from her house or her city, then this condition is valid, because it was reported that the Prophet http://islamqa.com/images/saws.gif (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) said: ‘The most deserving of conditions to be fulfilled are those by means of which sexual intercourse becomes permissible for you.’ If he married her on the condition that he will not marry another wife, then she has the right to leave him if he does take another wife.” In conclusion, then, the conditions of the marriage contract are divided into three types, one of which must be adhered to, which is of benefit to the wife, such as her being able to stipulate that he cannot make her move from her house or city, or travel with him, or take another wife or a concubine. He has to adhere to these conditions, and if he does not, then she has the right to annul the marriage.” (Al-Mughni by Ibn Qudaamah, part 7, Kitaab al-Nikaah).
Shaykh al-Islam Ibn Taymiyah (may Allaah have mercy on him) was asked this question and he replied in Al-Fataawa al-Kubra:
“Question: a man married a woman and she stipulated that he should not take another wife or make her move from her house, and that she could stay with her mother, so he married her on this basis. Does he have to adhere to this, and if he goes against these conditions, does his wife have the right to annul the marriage or not?
Answer: yes, these conditions and similar ones are valid according to the madhhab of Imaam Ahmad and other scholars among the Sahaabah and Taabi’een, such as ‘Umar ibn al-Khattaab, ‘Amr ibn al-‘Aas, Shurayh al-Qaadi, al-Oozaa’i and Ishaaq. According to the madhhab of Maalik, the condition states that if he marries another wife, (the first wife) has the choice of what to do, and this is a valid condition. The woman has the right to leave him in this case. This is similar to the idea in the Madhhab of Imaam Ahmad. The basis for this is the hadeeth narrated by (al-Bukhaari and Muslim) in al-Saheehayn from the Prophet http://islamqa.com/images/saws.gif (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him): ‘The most deserving of conditions to be fulfilled are those by means of which sexual intercourse becomes permissible for you.’ ‘Umar ibn al-Khattaab said: ‘Rights are in accordance with conditions.’ The Prophet http://islamqa.com/images/saws.gif (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) dictated that the conditions which make sexual intercourse permissible are more deserving of fulfilment than others. This is the ruling on conditions of this nature.”
al-Fataawa al-Kubra, part 3, Kitaab al-Nikaah
http://islamqa.com/index.php?ref=5983&ln=eng
Enigma Dreamer
23-10-07, 05:32 PM
Patience sister.. remeber Allah (s.w.) knows you and will NEVER forget you. Patience. Patience. Patience. InshaaAllah, you will find the right bro @ the end.
Enigma Dreamer
23-10-07, 05:34 PM
You dont want guys who want Bollywood-type looking women yet you want a Bollywood type of situation where someone just comes and swoops you off your feet.
Unless we live in a fictional world and you're name is Lois Lane, that isn't going to happen sis. You cant just sit at home expecting something. As sister asiya says, you need to tie your camel first. You need to spread the word that you're looking for a decent man.
Assalaamu 'aleykum. Surely, as a brother advising his sister, there are better words. Remember she is a sis who needs help, not bashing, accusing, blaming, ....
And that is just my opinion.
Abu-Amr
23-10-07, 05:35 PM
hmmm i have NO baggage and NO children..lol...apparently my heads screwed on though ( nice to know ) and feet that are firmly on the ground.
I just dont have the X factor! lol
lol....
.........I have a kid (with my ex :() and more baggage than Heathrow terminal 3 (terminal 3 cos thats where they stick all the pakis).
GAL-actic
23-10-07, 05:37 PM
lol....
.........I have a kid (with my ex :() and more baggage than Heathrow terminal 3 (terminal 3 cos thats where they stick all the pakis).
:rotfl: @ terminal 3
umm shuyookh
23-10-07, 05:38 PM
I like to see who these scholars are that say it's not a sin. A nikah namah is an agreement between two parties. If he breaks that agreement then she has the right to a divorce.
[LEFT]
yeah we are saying the same thing sis, he can still break such an agreement and it only gives her the right of divorce, the agreement does not mean he cant ever remarry as i understand the fatwa you quoted to say.
Assalaamu 'aleykum. Surely, as a brother advising his sister, there are better words. Remember she is a sis who needs help, not bashing, accusing, blaming, ....
And that is just my opinion.
I apologise I was just trying to be fun-nee :(
Enigma Dreamer
23-10-07, 05:43 PM
Ok.
munyeka
23-10-07, 07:02 PM
thanks for hijacking my thread!
jazz8000
23-10-07, 09:08 PM
Hi
All i can say is dont loose heart. There lots of potential suitors for a person. Its a matter of which one gets through. If you almost hit one, then more is bound to come inshallah so probably no need to reasses your list.
niqaabi_muslima
23-10-07, 10:08 PM
Your a great girl buttttttttt Allah swt the most kind the merciful has something much much better waiting for you :) insha'Allah :)
Pro_Candy
23-10-07, 10:37 PM
SORRY FOR BRINGING YOUR BAD MEMORIES BACK SIS. I DIDNT MEAN TO.
HOWEVER PLEASE DONT BE DISHEARTENED OF WHAT YOU READ HERE.
I agree multiple marriages issues should be agreed b4 marriage but you can talk over everything before marriage especially if you know the situation is very highly unlikely to occur...
No problem, I don't have any regrets. We learn from our mistakes, right? :)
Discussing things before marriage solves many problems that may or may not occur. If you (in general) tell me you'll never marry again, then you just feel like getting married or 'meet' someone, then you will have taken me as your wife under false presumptions, and I will not trust you. Simple as that. That's what 'discussing before marriage' is all about. Otherwise, there would be no point. And if it's in the marriage contract, then you can't do it, period. You're breaking your marriage vows.
PiElle2
25-10-07, 05:39 AM
See, I can't help but to feel bad for your wife. Cuz, a lot of what you're saying, was thrown on me in my marriage. He thought he was my first and last as well. He was only half right. Thought he had so much love to give. Said our marriage was getting better and better. Sigh.... I have been through what your first wife will face :( And, it will be a lot worse if she is in love with you. Alhamduillah, I wasn't in love with my ex, he pushed me too far. So it wasn't hard for me to leave him when I was able, and when I had enough.
But who knows, maybe your first wife is the type who doesn't mind sharing a husband, inshaAllah.
The issue of multiple wives should be discussed before a marriage takes place, in my opinion. We should know somewhat what to expect.
You can discuss but reality is seldom what you discussed or expected. Like you may want 10 kids in your marriage.. how can you be sure it will turn out that way. Or you want exactly 5 daughters and 5 sons....?
What to expect? Well, if you are muslim, you should be prepared to expect the husband to marry more than 1.
It's all about what Allah has planned for an individual and that may to be your spouse or yourself.
Once a muslim get married, he/she should love their spouse for the sake of Allah.
PiElle2
25-10-07, 05:58 AM
No problem, I don't have any regrets. We learn from our mistakes, right? :)
Discussing things before marriage solves many problems that may or may not occur. If you (in general) tell me you'll never marry again, then you just feel like getting married or 'meet' someone, then you will have taken me as your wife under false presumptions, and I will not trust you. Simple as that. That's what 'discussing before marriage' is all about. Otherwise, there would be no point. And if it's in the marriage contract, then you can't do it, period. You're breaking your marriage vows.
You could think that way, but me coming from a broken family, I can tell you the vow of not providing the kids with a stable family with father and mother intact is more important than your own personal desires.
It's like saying your hurt and acted on it and end up hurting others without your own knowing.
Pro_Candy
25-10-07, 12:01 PM
These days it isn't practical for many men to marry more than one anyway. If you can't provide for one family, how can you provide for more (unless of course you want to take away the wives rights and force them to work)?
I come from a broken family as well, but I love my step mom and step father. I don't really consider my family broken, just extended a bit. If a man is a liar or uses tricks when it comes to his wife, how is he going to be a good example for the kids anyway?
If a man plans to marry more than one, he should say so from the beginning.
curious_man
25-10-07, 12:19 PM
These days it isn't practical for many men to marry more than one anyway. If you can't provide for one family, how can you provide for more (unless of course you want to take away the wives rights and force them to work)?
I come from a broken family as well, but I love my step mom and step father. I don't really consider my family broken, just extended a bit. If a man is a liar or uses tricks when it comes to his wife, how is he going to be a good example for the kids anyway?
If a man plans to marry more than one, he should say so from the beginning.
ur so off topic here :P
Pro_Candy
25-10-07, 12:32 PM
ur so off topic here :P
What, I was replying to her post :(
curious_man
25-10-07, 03:40 PM
What, I was replying to her post :(
still off topic - ur suppose to help the girls cry for help.. her bio clock is ticking away and she cant find somone who would say
your a great girl and i wanna marry u ----
and here u r jus going so offfffffff topicccccc...
niqaabi_muslima
25-10-07, 07:56 PM
Insha'Allah Sis you will find the right one soon :) Have sabr and give shukr That Allah swt has saved you so he can give you the best inshaa'Allah :)
:salams
hmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm
munyeka
25-10-07, 08:11 PM
my bio clock is not ticking that much..................im not THAT old yet, alhumdollilah, lol
stop hijacking my thread about second marriages...if you feel that strongly start your own thread!
Inshallah one day I will find a man who will say "you're a great girl and I will marry you..." I just need sabr and shukr...and Inshallah Allah will bless us with children too. HAH!:hidban:
PiElle2
26-10-07, 02:11 AM
ok then... back to the topic.... the chinese has this saying... looks is 30% nature and 70% dolling up.... so you can look at yourself in the mirror and make yourself be wanted by the type of husband you want to attract... LOL
Rosalie-Beauty
26-10-07, 04:26 AM
I think that eventually u will find someone, everyone has their soul-mate you just have'nt met him yet. When u do though, it will be all the more better 'cause of the long wait. All those guys u met were not worth it 'cause they looked at your faults without first evaluating themselves. You deserve better than that and Inshallah you will find what u are looking for soon.
[- _ +]
19-11-07, 11:39 AM
.................So Muslims brothers..those of you that moan that you cant find a decent sister, please help!
Here I am a decent Muslim sister...looking to marry and every perspective marriage partner that I find or like says
" your a great girl....feet on the ground, head scrwed on, etc etc BUT....."
there always seem to be a missing link from the guys side....a buzz...a click...whatever I dont know
From my understanding that is the muwaddah and rahmah that Allah places between spouses AFTER marriage NOT before.
Isnt a the virtue of a woman enough for men these days. From what it seems all the men i get introduced to are looking for a Bollywood style marriage and expect an instant "click" thing.
Is it like that for those of you who are married...do you click with ur spouses...or is the love you have based on years of living with and understanding ur wife/husband....i prefer the latter and want the latter.
I want the mwaddah and rahmah of Allah between us not some "click" or "buzz" or "x - factor"
what am i doing wrong? or am i meeting the wrong guys?
how is your oral communication skills... are you an outgoing person or quite shy... you probably are meeting the wrong guys
um-salwa
19-11-07, 12:30 PM
;2258899']how is your oral communication skills... are you an outgoing person or quite shy... you probably are meeting the wrong guys
Shes probably married now...........
[- _ +]
19-11-07, 12:39 PM
Shes probably married now...........
You cant be serious, she only posted a month ago lol
um-salwa
19-11-07, 12:46 PM
;2258968']You cant be serious, she only posted a month ago lol
only munyeca can say.
I was joking dude. :)
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