Advice From A Mother To Her Daughter On Her Wedding Day

[uhkt_al'muminun]

'Abd al-Malik said: "When 'Awf ibn Muhallim al-Shaybani, one of the most highly respected leaders of the Arab nobility during the jahiliyyah, married his daughter Umm Iyas to al-Harith ibn 'Amr al-Kindi, she was made ready to be taken to the groom, then her mother
Umamah came in to her, to advise her, and said:

`O my daughter, if it were deemed unnecessary to give you this advice because of good manners and noble descent, then it would have been unnecessary for you, because you possess these qualities, but it will serve as a reminder to those who are forgetful, and will help those who are wise.

`O my daughter, if a woman were able to do without a husband by virtue of her father's wealth and her need for her father, then you of all people would be most able to do without a husband, but women were created for men just as men were created for them.

`O my daughter, you are about to leave the home in which you grew up, where you first learned to walk, to go to a place you do not know, to a companion with whom you are unfamiliar. By marrying you he has become a master over you, so be like a servant to him, and he will become like a servant to you.

`Take from me ten qualities, which will be a provision and a reminder
for you.

`The first and second of them are: be content in his company, and listen to and obey him, for contentment brings peace of mind, and listening to and obeying one's husband pleases Allah.

`The third and fourth of them are: make sure that you smell good and look good; he should not see anything ugly in you, and he should not smell anything but a pleasant smell from you. Kohl is the best kind of beautification to be found, and water is better than the rarest perfume.

`The fifth and the sixth of them are: prepare his food on time, and keep quiet when he is asleep, for raging hunger is like a burning flame, and disturbing his sleep will make him angry.

`The seventh and eighth of them are: take care of his servants (or employees) and children, and take care of his wealth, for taking care of his wealth shows that you appreciate him, and taking care of his children and servants shows good management.

`The ninth and tenth of them are: never disclose any of his secrets, and never disobey any of his orders, for if you disclose any of his secrets you will never feel safe from his possible betrayal, and if you disobey him, his heart will be filled with hatred towards you.

`Be careful, O my daughter, of showing joy in front of him when he is upset, and do not show sorrow in front of him when he is happy, because the former shows a lack of judgment, whilst the latter will make him unhappy.

`Show him as much honor and respect as you can, and agree with him asmuch as you can, so that he will enjoy your companionship andconversation.

`Know, O my daughter, that you will not achieve what you would like to until you put his pleasure before your own, and his wishes before yours, in whatever you like and dislike. And may Allah (Subhanahu wa ta'ala) choose what is best for you and protect you.'"
She was taken to her husband, and the marriage was a great success; she gave birth to kings who ruled after him.

[Khadija222333]

Subhan Allah. :love:

Jizakillah for posting that ukhti.

[Z-Blade]

:salams,

:jkk: for that... but someone has already posted it before :outta:.

Naah, I didn't bother to read it again :o.

Wassalam.

[Radiohead]

'Abd al-Malik said: "When 'Awf ibn Muhallim al-Shaybani, one of the most highly respected leaders of the Arab nobility during the jahiliyyah, married his daughter Umm Iyas to al-Harith ibn 'Amr al-Kindi, she was made ready to be taken to the groom, then her mother
Umamah came in to her, to advise her, and said:

`O my daughter, if it were deemed unnecessary to give you this advice because of good manners and noble descent, then it would have been unnecessary for you, because you possess these qualities, but it will serve as a reminder to those who are forgetful, and will help those who are wise.

`O my daughter, if a woman were able to do without a husband by virtue of her father's wealth and her need for her father, then you of all people would be most able to do without a husband, but women were created for men just as men were created for them.

`O my daughter, you are about to leave the home in which you grew up, where you first learned to walk, to go to a place you do not know, to a companion with whom you are unfamiliar. By marrying you he has become a master over you, so be like a servant to him, and he will become like a servant to you.

`Take from me ten qualities, which will be a provision and a reminder
for you.

`The first and second of them are: be content in his company, and listen to and obey him, for contentment brings peace of mind, and listening to and obeying one's husband pleases Allah.

`The third and fourth of them are: make sure that you smell good and look good; he should not see anything ugly in you, and he should not smell anything but a pleasant smell from you. Kohl is the best kind of beautification to be found, and water is better than the rarest perfume.

`The fifth and the sixth of them are: prepare his food on time, and keep quiet when he is asleep, for raging hunger is like a burning flame, and disturbing his sleep will make him angry.

`The seventh and eighth of them are: take care of his servants (or employees) and children, and take care of his wealth, for taking care of his wealth shows that you appreciate him, and taking care of his children and servants shows good management.

`The ninth and tenth of them are: never disclose any of his secrets, and never disobey any of his orders, for if you disclose any of his secrets you will never feel safe from his possible betrayal, and if you disobey him, his heart will be filled with hatred towards you.

`Be careful, O my daughter, of showing joy in front of him when he is upset, and do not show sorrow in front of him when he is happy, because the former shows a lack of judgment, whilst the latter will make him unhappy.

`Show him as much honor and respect as you can, and agree with him asmuch as you can, so that he will enjoy your companionship and conversation.

`Know, O my daughter, that you will not achieve what you would like to until you put his pleasure before your own, and his wishes before yours, in whatever you like and dislike. And may Allah (Subhanahu wa ta'ala) choose what is best for you and protect you.'"
She was taken to her husband, and the marriage was a great success; she gave birth to kings who ruled after him.


Or in summary, shut up, do what you're told, serve the bloke as if he is the personification of divinity itself and be happy doing all that too.

[Pro_Candy]

Or in summary, shut up, do what you're told, serve the bloke as if he is the personification of divinity itself and be happy doing all that too.

That's how it seems :rolleyes:

Thought we're supposed to make eachother feel good. Marriage isn't a one-sided deal. Although this is a nice post, it's not really what I'd tell my daughter.

Be good to her husband. Be aware of her rights and obligations, and his as well. Do her best to make him happy and be a comfort to him, and remember that she deserves the same in return. That he is her protector, so he should never raise a hand at her, raise his voice in anger towards her, or leave her feeling scared.

Marriage can be the most beautiful relationship in the world, or it can be a daunting, dreadful task. It is what we make it. We should compromise on issues and not place unnecessary burdens on eachother in the name of religion. To use 'religious rights' against eachother in marriage is really the beginning of the end.

And men are fully capable of understanding the needs and emotions of a woman if he takes the time to listen and spend time with her. The obligation is not fully on her for the marriage to be a loving, caring relationship.

It's not as if he's a grown man-child who needs the care and comfort of a mother. He already has a mother, he needs a wife.

Self sacrifice, putting his needs before your own, that is easy to do for a man who shows you love and concern. In order to achieve this level for a woman though, and for her to do it without spite, the husband really should show his own appreciation for her.

I like the op, it sounds ideal, but it takes a good man as well for a woman to be able to give herself totally to him in this way.

[Kal-El]

What kinda advice is that? Is she getting married or being sold off to a slave master

[uhkt_al'muminun]

Or in summary, shut up, do what you're told, serve the bloke as if he is the personification of divinity itself and be happy doing all that too.

OR in Summary please your Husband so that you may please Allah so long as your not committing any sin! And be the inhabitants of Paradise by the Will of Allah!

...Typical Western mentality!

That's how it seems :rolleyes:

Thought we're supposed to make eachother feel good. Marriage isn't a one-sided deal. Although this is a nice post, it's not really what I'd tell my daughter.

Be good to her husband. Be aware of her rights and obligations, and his as well. Do her best to make him happy and be a comfort to him, and remember that she deserves the same in return. That he is her protector, so he should never raise a hand at her, raise his voice in anger towards her, or leave her feeling scared.

Marriage can be the most beautiful relationship in the world, or it can be a daunting, dreadful task. It is what we make it. We should compromise on issues and not place unnecessary burdens on eachother in the name of religion. To use 'religious rights' against eachother in marriage is really the beginning of the end.

And men are fully capable of understanding the needs and emotions of a woman if he takes the time to listen and spend time with her. The obligation is not fully on her for the marriage to be a loving, caring relationship.

It's not as if he's a grown man-child who needs the care and comfort of a mother. He already has a mother, he needs a wife.

Self sacrifice, putting his needs before your own, that is easy to do for a man who shows you love and concern. In order to achieve this level for a woman though, and for her to do it without spite, the husband really should show his own appreciation for her.

I like the op, it sounds ideal, but it takes a good man as well for a woman to be able to give herself totally to him in this way.

Incase you didnt realise this is a Mothers advise to her DAUGHTER so no its not that this advise from the Mother is a one-sided rather its that the advise is aimed to the daughter and not to a son.

What kinda advice is that? Is she getting married or being sold off to a slave master


Subahn'Allah...this comment dosent even disorve a reply but hey...

This advice is not from me so think twice when you make such bold statements about the sayings of the sahabah Radi'Allahu'3nhum.

Hadith - Al-Tirmidhi 3254, Narrated Anas ibn Malik-
Allah's Messenger said, "When a woman observes the five times of prayer, fasts during Ramadan, preserves her chastity and obeys her husband, she may enter by any of the gates of Paradise she wishes."


Hadith - Al-Tirmidhi 3272, narrated Abu Hurayrah -
When Allah's Messenger was asked which woman was best he replied, "The one who pleases (her husband) when he looks at her, obeys him when he gives a command, and does not go against his wishes regarding her person or property by doing anything of which he disapproves."
[Nasa'i and Bayhaqi, in Shu'ab al-Iman transmitted it.]

[umm shuyookh]

she was given the best advice anyone who wants to stay happily married can get. why not lets encourage brides or already married sisters follow this advice and lets see if the divorce rates will not drop.

[Arrakis]

she was given the best advice anyone who wants to stay happily married can get. why not lets encourage brides or already married sisters follow this advice and lets see if the divorce rates will not drop.

Only because a woman will continue to suffer in silence. The only reason divorce rates were lower before was because the stigma of divorce was stronger than it is now, women would keep quiet and sabaar through cruelty thinking it was all she could do.

Many men take the obediance clause TOO FAR at times, and the only things she can disobey in are ones that are against Islam, rather than just unreasonable ones.

Education has helped ensure that women have rights and do not need to suffer in silence. Education should now focus more on a fathers advice to his son.

[uhkt_al'muminun]

Only because a woman will continue to suffer in silence. The only reason divorce rates were lower before was because the stigma of divorce was stronger than it is now, women would keep quiet and sabaar through cruelty thinking it was all she could do.

Many men take the obediance clause TOO FAR at times, and the only things she can disobey in are ones that are against Islam, rather than just unreasonable ones.

Education has helped ensure that women have rights and do not need to suffer in silence. Education should now focus more on a fathers advice to his son.

Education has not helped women within their rights etc. It is Islmaic Knowlegde that has helped the women in our Ummah understand the rights.

If your refering to the women in the past i.e the sahbaiyats/salaf about being silenced as this advice was given by a sahbiyah, your claim is not true, infact the reason why Divorce rates were low and rare in their time is beacuse they feared Allah far more them the Ummah does today. If we lived our life according to the quran and sunnah day in day out then we would have half the problem that exist now including divorce rates.

What is taking it to far to your understandind with the obedience to ones Husband?

[Arrakis]

Education has not helped women within their rights etc. It is Islmaic Knowlegde that has helped the women in our Ummah understand the rights.

I think your reasoning has a snag to it, if it has escaped your notice let me help point you to it.

1 - Islamic knowledge
2 - Islamic knowledge through increased EDUCATION. :rolleyes: (see the connection you totally missed?)



If your refering to the women in the past i.e the sahbaiyats/salaf about being silenced as this advice was given by a sahbiyah, your claim is not true, infact the reason why Divorce rates were low and rare in their time is beacuse they feared Allah far more them the Ummah does today. If we lived our life according to the quran and sunnah day in day out then we would have half the problem that exist now including divorce rates.

I think it's a tad idealistic to say that, but it's a common enough claim. Hadiths and the Quran say that muslims will split into 73 sects, this is prophecy. This means that no matter how much you may wish it, complete "Islamic" way of life will not happen.

The only key to success is educating women that they have rights. Too much emphasis is placed on educating women about what rights her husbands have over her, but not about what EXACT rights she has over her husband.

Nor does education extend to the male muslims, infact many of them are taught more about the rights they have OVER their wives, with next to no acknowledgement over her rights from him.

This is a lack of education. The only brothers and sisters who ever break out of this are the ones who educate themselves.

That number is growing. If somehow you think Islamic knowledge does not = education in the way I have described it, please point it out.



What is taking it to far to your understandind with the obedience to ones Husband?

What is it you find hard to accept about the things I have written?

[Kal-El]

Although the mother understands that, towards one another, the wife and husband must show responsibility and devotion yet she emphasises the wife's role as if it is more crucial. Yes I get the jist of the post, don't get me wrong, but its poorly worded as it almost makes it sound that the daughter should be afraid of her husband. We all very well know that it is the men who should be getting such potent, emphasised, to be more considerate towards their wives feelings.

For example, if she woke up me ofcourse it would be unintentional of her so why would I get angry? And if she didn't look her best, why should she feel pressured because of that in front of me? She shouldn't feel insecure. Being married isn't a chore/job, it's a relationship (things have to go both ways or it falls apart) and the mother should best have advised that to her daughter.

Or maybe sisters here can relate more than a man can. I'm not attacking your post Uhkti, I'm just explaining my point of view about it. I'm sensitive to how women are treated in our Ummah and in many countries, their treatment is defined by culture and the complete superiority of men. And this cultural definition is often blurred with religious obligation, so they don't complain or realise the wrong.

[elji]

Although the mother understands that, towards one another, the wife and husband must show responsibility and devotion yet she emphasises the wife's role as if it is more crucial. Yes I get the jist of the post, don't get me wrong, but its poorly worded as it almost makes it sound that the daughter should be afraid of her husband. We all very well know that it is the men who should be getting such potent, emphasised, to be more considerate towards their wives feelings.

For example, if she woke up me ofcourse it would be unintentional of her so why would I get angry? And if she didn't look her best, why should she feel pressured because of that in front of me? She shouldn't feel insecure. Being married isn't a chore/job, it's a relationship (things have to go both ways or it falls apart) and the mother should best have advised that to her daughter.

Or maybe sisters here can relate more than a man can. I'm not attacking your post Uhkti, I'm just explaining my point of view about it. I'm sensitive to how women are treated in our Ummah and in many countries, their treatment is defined by culture and the complete superiority of men. And this cultural definition is often blurred with religious obligation, so they don't complain or realise the wrong.


Well said.

[Pro_Candy]

Incase you didnt realise this is a Mothers advise to her DAUGHTER so no its not that this advise from the Mother is a one-sided rather its that the advise is aimed to the daughter and not to a son.





Before a girl gets married, she should know what to expect from her husband. She should not going into a marriage thinking that she is to blame if her husband is unhappy, or just a jerk even. She should know how to expect to be treated as well.

Advice to my sons would be completely different. :rolleyes:

[uhkt_al'muminun]

I think your reasoning has a snag to it, if it has escaped your notice let me help point you to it.

1 - Islamic knowledge
2 - Islamic knowledge through increased EDUCATION. :rolleyes: (see the connection you totally missed?)



I think it's a tad idealistic to say that, but it's a common enough claim. Hadiths and the Quran say that muslims will split into 73 sects, this is prophecy. This means that no matter how much you may wish it, complete "Islamic" way of life will not happen.

The only key to success is educating women that they have rights. Too much emphasis is placed on educating women about what rights her husbands have over her, but not about what EXACT rights she has over her husband.

Nor does education extend to the male muslims, infact many of them are taught more about the rights they have OVER their wives, with next to no acknowledgement over her rights from him.

This is a lack of education. The only brothers and sisters who ever break out of this are the ones who educate themselves.

That number is growing. If somehow you think Islamic knowledge does not = education in the way I have described it, please point it out.



What is it you find hard to accept about the things I have written?

Forgive me for my misunderstandings insh'Allah.

Although the mother understands that, towards one another, the wife and husband must show responsibility and devotion yet she emphasises the wife's role as if it is more crucial. Yes I get the jist of the post, don't get me wrong, but its poorly worded as it almost makes it sound that the daughter should be afraid of her husband. We all very well know that it is the men who should be getting such potent, emphasised, to be more considerate towards their wives feelings.

For example, if she woke up me ofcourse it would be unintentional of her so why would I get angry? And if she didn't look her best, why should she feel pressured because of that in front of me? She shouldn't feel insecure. Being married isn't a chore/job, it's a relationship (things have to go both ways or it falls apart) and the mother should best have advised that to her daughter.

Or maybe sisters here can relate more than a man can. I'm not attacking your post Uhkti, I'm just explaining my point of view about it. I'm sensitive to how women are treated in our Ummah and in many countries, their treatment is defined by culture and the complete superiority of men. And this cultural definition is often blurred with religious obligation, so they don't complain or realise the wrong.


The advise taht the mother has given is not neccissarily what the husband demands, but rather advise to her daughter to help her get by so that she may please her husband.

Akhi i undersatnd you are not attacking my post but thats not the point with all do respect the point here is that the mother whom is of noble conduct (Insh'Allah) has given her daughter advise but we are so influenced by the West we interpret it in such a negative way i.e you first comment in this post.

This post isnt to say that women have no voices or rights in Islam it just very basic and straight forward Nasihah therefore we are making a big who-ha out of nothing.

All in all if we agree to this comendable piece advise Alahmduli'Allah is all good if not then hey. Each to their own.

Akhi Kal|_Ei im not in any way trying to attack an forgive me if i have given that approach.

[Pro_Candy]

Only because a woman will continue to suffer in silence. The only reason divorce rates were lower before was because the stigma of divorce was stronger than it is now, women would keep quiet and sabaar through cruelty thinking it was all she could do.

Many men take the obediance clause TOO FAR at times, and the only things she can disobey in are ones that are against Islam, rather than just unreasonable ones.

Education has helped ensure that women have rights and do not need to suffer in silence. Education should now focus more on a fathers advice to his son.

Exactly. I would never want my daughter to suffer in her marriage, thinking she's a failure if it didn't work or if her husband just happened to be an angry man.

We should talk about our obligations to our children when they are ready to get married. But we should also let them know their rights.

And come on, everyone is human. Everyone is different. You can't just lay out some rules and regulations and say 'do it'. Things, people, times change. Who you marry today may be someone totally different, better or worse, in 10 years. Circumstances change. It seems that if a woman needs extra things, she's a burden on her husband. If he needs extra, she should comply. No, it isn't that way. They should both be able to compromise and practice self sacrifice, whether it be big or small, for the sake of their partner, their children, and their marriage.

[uhkt_al'muminun]

Before a girl gets married, she should know what to expect from her husband. She should not going into a marriage thinking that she is to blame if her husband is unhappy, or just a jerk even. She should know how to expect to be treated as well.

Advice to my sons would be completely different. :rolleyes:

Well isnt that obvious. Daughter/female..Son/male Both different in the way Allah has created them.

Any who as i said above each to their own theree's no need to state your advise will be different etc.

[Pro_Candy]

Well isnt that obvious. Daughter/female..Son/male Both different in the way Allah has created them.

Any who as i said above each to their own theree's no need to state your advise will be different etc.

There's no need to be rude either :rolleyes: I'll say what I have to say, and be done with it, thanks.

[brjimc]

Well isnt that obvious. Daughter/female..Son/male Both different in the way Allah has created them.

Any who as i said above each to their own theree's no need to state your advise will be different etc.

Wah? She cant state her advice to her own sons? :rubeyes::rolleyes:

[Muslimah Wifey]

On our wedding night our parents (his and mine) sat us down together with the same advice and that was:

Your marriage is like a thin thread being linked between you two. If the wife is upset one day and pulls from her end of the thread, the husband must be lenient and give her some slack to pull. And if the husband one day pulls from his side of the thread, the wife must be lenient and go with him. If both husband and wife pull on the thread at the same time, the thread will break.

[uhkt_al'muminun]

There's no need to be rude either :rolleyes: I'll say what I have to say, and be done with it, thanks.

check ur rep insh'Allah :)

[uhkt_al'muminun]

Wah? She cant state her advice to her own sons? :rubeyes::rolleyes:

lol, hence the difference between 'There's no need' and 'You cant' :rolleyes::rolleyes:

[brjimc]

lol, hence the difference between 'There's no need' and 'You cant' :rolleyes::rolleyes:

ookay :p

Ill let Candy answer for herself
:mujahida::badguy:

[uhkt_al'muminun]

ookay :p

Ill let Candy answer for herself
:mujahida::badguy:

lol...no probs dude

[dunya_or_akhira]

a great letter

[Pro_Candy]

It's all good :) I just think we should advise our sons as well as our daughters on how to be a good spouse :up:

[.: Anna :.]

On our wedding night our parents (his and mine) sat us down together with the same advice and that was:

Your marriage is like a thin thread being linked between you two. If the wife is upset one day and pulls from her end of the thread, the husband must be lenient and give her some slack to pull. And if the husband one day pulls from his side of the thread, the wife must be lenient and go with him. If both husband and wife pull on the thread at the same time, the thread will break.

aww that is nice masha allah

sis how r u havent seen u around much? (sorryyy off topic but u kno jst wanted to ask :p)

[fisabilllillah]

On our wedding night our parents (his and mine) sat us down together with the same advice and that was:

Your marriage is like a thin thread being linked between you two. If the wife is upset one day and pulls from her end of the thread, the husband must be lenient and give her some slack to pull. And if the husband one day pulls from his side of the thread, the wife must be lenient and go with him. If both husband and wife pull on the thread at the same time, the thread will break.

beautiful advice mashallah

[dunya_or_akhira]

subhanAllah..never heard that advice before but it does really sound good

[Z-Blade]

:salams,

Just read the original post, I don't see what's wrong with it?! Why are some people making such a commotion :S?? Some very nice advice mashaAllah, even better than sister Muslimah Wifey's (though that is some good advice Alhamdulillah) since it's more detailed and it's advice to make her understand that being the better person merits great rewards from Allah and not to expect too much and be realistic. I'm sure the parents of the son would or could say something similar to him.

Wassalam.

[niqaabi_muslima]

Ahhh Masha'Allah lovely advice...Now thats a recipe for a successful marriage *walks away feeling nervous*

[umm_yusuf]

YA ukhti I thought that was BEYOOOOOTIFUL advice. May Allah reward you.

And muslim wifey Masha Allah, I'm going to write that down as well for when i get married Insha Allah.

[afsalim]

I hope there are advices from A Father to His Son on His Wedding Day! .....unless we are only bent up advising women on how they should behave and be submissive.

[umm shuyookh]

I hope there are advices from A Father to His Son on His Wedding Day! .....unless we are only bent up advising women on how they should behave and be submissive.

well i heard this from someone, his dad told him that if he want to be happy in his marriage, he should never expect any good from his wife, if he gets any good from her he should take it as a mistake and this way he'd never find fault with her.:o

[Medievalist]

Bakh Bakh!!

:jkk:

[Pro_Candy]

well i heard this from someone, his dad told him that if he want to be happy in his marriage, he should never expect any good from his wife, if he gets any good from her he should take it as a mistake and this way he'd never find fault with her.:o

Wow... any good should be taken as a mistake? Hope he wasn't serious... that's not even funny as a joke.

[fisabilllillah]

well i heard this from someone, his dad told him that if he want to be happy in his marriage, he should never expect any good from his wife, if he gets any good from her he should take it as a mistake and this way he'd never find fault with her.:o



:rubeyes: what wud the world be without women.subhanallah!!!!!! Why is that a pious woman is the best resource for this man in this dunya??!!!! men wudnt be able to survive without us, they wud die of hunger :p.lol and definately wudnt be able to complete half their deen:p.
:torture:

[Z-Blade]

well i heard this from someone, his dad told him that if he want to be happy in his marriage, he should never expect any good from his wife, if he gets any good from her he should take it as a mistake and this way he'd never find fault with her.:o

LOL! That's pretty harsh... Not like women are the Shayateen, far from it. I'm mentioning the Shayateen since that's what you'd say about them (apart from finding fault in them, since they are evil). Strange advice to say the least :o. :S

Wassalam.

[Muslimah Wifey]

aww that is nice masha allah

sis how r u havent seen u around much? (sorryyy off topic but u kno jst wanted to ask :p)

SALAAM ANNA! :)

So nice of you to ask about me... When I used to post a lot it was summer and I had no school. Now that I am back in school I have less time for Ummah :( but I def try to pop in when I have time!!!

Everything is great alhamdulilah n hope everything is great with u 2!!

[afsalim]

well i heard this from someone, his dad told him that if he want to be happy in his marriage, he should never expect any good from his wife, if he gets any good from her he should take it as a mistake and this way he'd never find fault with her.:o

That's a scary advice. I wonder what my dad will advice before my wedding. I hope it wont be a lecture about the birds and the bees.

[.: Anna :.]

SALAAM ANNA! :)

So nice of you to ask about me... When I used to post a lot it was summer and I had no school. Now that I am back in school I have less time for Ummah :( but I def try to pop in when I have time!!!

Everything is great alhamdulilah n hope everything is great with u 2!!

yep alhamdulillah everything fine with me :) glad ur doing good :love:

[miss-islamic]

The problem is that articles about advice to women, being an ideal wife e.t.c is there but its very rare toward men. This is especially important when its often men who cause the major problem in marriage. I mean how many case have you heard of women physically abusing their husbands compared to men cases? Cheating on them? Abandoning them?And what with the misogyny rants of some Muslim husbands using hadeeths to their wives?

No wait I found an article that has advice for husbands from a pretty popular Islamic site;


ADVICE OF WISDOM FOR HUSBANDS

- Never hand your pay-packet to your wife.

- Never introduce your wife into your business

- Never inform her of the amount you earn

- Never inform her of what you spend on your parents and other needy relatives

- Never make it an obligation on you to take her out every weekend for a drive, etc.

A man should treat his wife kindly and justly. Spend on her lavishly within your means. Do not be miserly. Buy her gifts. Tolerate her indiscretion and nonsense. Assist her in the home. Do not impose your worldly desires o*n her. Do not regard her as your maid. Provide a maid for her if you can afford. But, never break the ‘NEVER’ rules enumerated above. Remember that most wives are extremely spiteful. From the very first day of their arrival they cherish an inveterate dislike for their in-laws. They conspire to dominate their husbands and will plot to sever his ties from his parents and other relatives. A man must not destroy his Imaan by abandoning his parents at the evil behest of his wife. A man will remain independent and will be able to freely engage in acts of Sadqah(charity) and Silah Rahmi (Kindness to relatives) as long as he does not introduce his wife into his business affairs. A wife craves the inordinate desire that her husband must spend every cent he earns o*n her and her children. Most wives abhor that their husbands spend on their needy relatives —parents, brothers, sisters, etc. Marriage does not and cannot extinguish the Huqooq which a man has to fulfil towards relatives and the community.

:D


Originally Posted by Muslimah Wifey (http://www.ummah.com/forum/showthread.php?p=2203817#post2203817)
On our wedding night our parents (his and mine) sat us down together with the same advice and that was:
Your marriage is like a thin thread being linked between you two. If the wife is upset one day and pulls from her end of the thread, the husband must be lenient and give her some slack to pull. And if the husband one day pulls from his side of the thread, the wife must be lenient and go with him. If both husband and wife pull on the thread at the same time, the thread will break.


Now that is good advice. My parents have said this before and I see them practice it sometimes. lol.

[afsalim]

- Never hand your pay-packet to your wife.

- Never introduce your wife into your business

- Never inform her of the amount you earn

- Never inform her of what you spend on your parents and other needy relatives

- Never make it an obligation on you to take her out every weekend for a drive, etc.



In other words leave your wife out of everything. I am a man, even I find that to be injustice towards women.

[miss-islamic]

^Women are a 'necessary evil' is the philosophy.:rolleyes:
There are Muslims - religious ones - who are cool with it though.

[Z-Blade]

^Women are a 'necessary evil' is the philosophy.:rolleyes:
There are Muslims - religious ones - who are cool with it though.

:salams,

LoL, if I get married inshaAllah, I would think my wife would be more trustworthy than that article cares to mention. Some strange advice yet again :(.

Wassalam.

[uhkt_al'muminun]

YA ukhti I thought that was BEYOOOOOTIFUL advice. May Allah reward you.

Ameeeeen! (day ameen ppl :D)

Bakh Bakh!!

:jkk:

Bark'Allahufeek

On our wedding night our parents (his and mine) sat us down together with the same advice and that was:

Your marriage is like a thin thread being linked between you two. If the wife is upset one day and pulls from her end of the thread, the husband must be lenient and give her some slack to pull. And if the husband one day pulls from his side of the thread, the wife must be lenient and go with him. If both husband and wife pull on the thread at the same time, the thread will break.

Mash'Alah Tabrak'Allah how beautiful, shukran for sharing it ukhty May Allah reward you. Ameen.

[evaldo]

she was given the best advice anyone who wants to stay happily married can get. why not lets encourage brides or already married sisters follow this advice and lets see if the divorce rates will not drop.Hey ! this advice was given by the bride's mother, who was the wife of some leader of the jaahilyah... so, it's probably all wrong ...

[lowering wings]

'Abd al-Malik said: "When 'Awf ibn Muhallim al-Shaybani, one of the most highly respected leaders of the Arab nobility during the jahiliyyah, married his daughter Umm Iyas to al-Harith ibn 'Amr al-Kindi, she was made ready to be taken to the groom, then her mother
Umamah came in to her, to advise her, and said:

`O my daughter, if it were deemed unnecessary to give you this advice because of good manners and noble descent, then it would have been unnecessary for you, because you possess these qualities, but it will serve as a reminder to those who are forgetful, and will help those who are wise.

`O my daughter, if a woman were able to do without a husband by virtue of her father's wealth and her need for her father, then you of all people would be most able to do without a husband, but women were created for men just as men were created for them.

`O my daughter, you are about to leave the home in which you grew up, where you first learned to walk, to go to a place you do not know, to a companion with whom you are unfamiliar. By marrying you he has become a master over you, so be like a servant to him, and he will become like a servant to you.

`Take from me ten qualities, which will be a provision and a reminder
for you.

`The first and second of them are: be content in his company, and listen to and obey him, for contentment brings peace of mind, and listening to and obeying one's husband pleases Allah.

`The third and fourth of them are: make sure that you smell good and look good; he should not see anything ugly in you, and he should not smell anything but a pleasant smell from you. Kohl is the best kind of beautification to be found, and water is better than the rarest perfume.

`The fifth and the sixth of them are: prepare his food on time, and keep quiet when he is asleep, for raging hunger is like a burning flame, and disturbing his sleep will make him angry.

`The seventh and eighth of them are: take care of his servants (or employees) and children, and take care of his wealth, for taking care of his wealth shows that you appreciate him, and taking care of his children and servants shows good management.

`The ninth and tenth of them are: never disclose any of his secrets, and never disobey any of his orders, for if you disclose any of his secrets you will never feel safe from his possible betrayal, and if you disobey him, his heart will be filled with hatred towards you.

`Be careful, O my daughter, of showing joy in front of him when he is upset, and do not show sorrow in front of him when he is happy, because the former shows a lack of judgment, whilst the latter will make him unhappy.

`Show him as much honor and respect as you can, and agree with him asmuch as you can, so that he will enjoy your companionship andconversation.

`Know, O my daughter, that you will not achieve what you would like to until you put his pleasure before your own, and his wishes before yours, in whatever you like and dislike. And may Allah (Subhanahu wa ta'ala) choose what is best for you and protect you.'"
She was taken to her husband, and the marriage was a great success; she gave birth to kings who ruled after him.



i agree with all that. but at the same time i think the passage should be rewritten so thats its advising husbands/men. (vice versa)

if not then its way too unfair!:crying2:


What kinda advice is that? Is she getting married or being sold off to a slave master

i would have to agree with that :(

[hanaa_al_muminah]

i dont agree with that post from miss_islamic.....coz i no a wife, especially a practising muslim wife would want to know what her husband is up to, whether its work or whats goin on in his head n heart, she would want him to share his thoughts n feelings, not for him to assume that shes evil n she hates his family, how can she even hate his family when one day she knows that she will be a mother-in-law n wudnt want in-laws treating her in that way...that post just contradicts islamic teachings n nothing to do with sunnah whatsoever....