View Full Version : "Leave your husband/Leave your wife"
Asalaam alaikum
Why are some people quick to advise others "leave him!!" "leave her!!" yet they are getting treated badly in their own marriages but not going anywhere near leaving their own husband or wife!!
What is wrong with these people? why is it these days the 1st option everyone sees is "leave her/him!", yet they would never do it themselves if they were tr3eated in the same manner by their husband or wife :rolleyes:
"my wife swore at me" - Leave her!!
"my husband pushed me during the argument the other day"- "leave him!!!"
Did Allah swt not say, give to your brother what u would like for yourself (something along those lines, i cant remeber the wording exactly) yet look at these people :rubeyes:
I mean what the heck?
i partly blame the husbands and wives who go to all and sundry about their "problems" (half the time their aint one) instead of one or two people who they know have THEIR best interests at heart...
May Allah swt guide them and us ameen
end of rant :)
curious_man
17-10-07, 02:25 PM
Asalaam alaikum
Why are some people quick to advise others "leave him!!" "leave her!!" yet they are getting treated badly in their own marriages but not going anywhere near leaving their own husband or wife!!
What is wrong with these people? why is it these days the 1st option everyone sees is "leave her/him!", yet they would never do it themselves if they were tr3eated in the same manner by their husband or wife :rolleyes:
"my wife swore at me" - Leave her!!
"my husband pushed me during the argument the other day"- "leave him!!!"
Did Allah swt not say, give to your brother what u would like for yourself (something along those lines, i cant remeber the wording exactly) yet look at these people :rubeyes:
I mean what the heck?
i partly blame the husbands and wives who go to all and sundry about their "problems" (half the time their aint one) instead of one or two people who they know have THEIR best interests at heart...
May Allah swt guide them and us ameen
end of rant :)
MG leaver him - he is not worth it -- lol
Khadija222333
17-10-07, 02:30 PM
Asalaam alaikum
Did Allah swt not say, give to your brother what u would like for yourself (something along those lines, i cant remeber the wording exactly) yet look at these people :rubeyes:
:wswrwb:
"None of you is a true believer until he loves for others what he loves for himself."
sunrise
17-10-07, 02:41 PM
wa salam
yes sis your correct...marriage is a scared bond between two people, divorce shouldn't even be joked about...divorce is a last resort but subhanaAllah in this day and age is seen as the 'quick fix' to any marital problem.
That's why i think it is imperative! couples seek help and advise from Allah and themselves and not involving other people!!! especially when it's not necessary
Bad advise from people can accelerate a situation and make it seem 10 times worse, they can spread rumors and bring unhappiness to spouses :(:(:(
Best thing follow the sunnah and forgive each other
They are your garments and ye are their garments. 2:187
هُنَّ لِبَاسٌ لَّكُمْ وَأَنتُمْ لِبَاسٌ لَّهُنَّ
MG leaver him - he is not worth it -- lol
id have to be married, so i "can leave him" :rolleyes:
:wswrwb:
"None of you is a true believer until he loves for others what he loves for himself."
mashallah thats the one,j/k sis ;)
wa salam
yes sis your correct...marriage is a scared bond between two people, divorce shouldn't even be joked about...divorce is a last resort but subhanaAllah in this day and age is seen as the 'quick fix' to any marital problem.
That's why i think it is imperative! couples seek help and advise from Allah and themselves and not involving other people!!! especially when it's not necessary
Bad advise from people can accelerate a situation and make it seem 10 times worse, they can spread rumors and bring unhappiness to spouses :(:(:(
Best thing follow the sunnah and forgive each other
They are your garments and ye are their garments. 2:187
هُنَّ لِبَاسٌ لَّكُمْ وَأَنتُمْ لِبَاسٌ لَّهُنَّ
exactly sis, one person called me the other day about their marriage problems and everytime i tried to advise the person (im bad at advice but for married couple i never know what to say!) they would say "but my friend said, i should leave " or "but my friend said i should never take this kinda crap and they would leave if it was them"
seriously, everything i was recommending they were going on about there friends "advising" them :rolleyes:
in the end i was like, u know what, why dont u leave your marriage and then tell me exactly how much "support" they give u once u aint got a marriage .....sheesh
.: Anna :.
17-10-07, 06:47 PM
I agree with u sis!
I find it quite sickening when people are like this, especially when for something small like your examples. Some bros especially think they are well hard or something, if any wife steps out of line just a bit they get like u cant let them get away with this, u have to show them whos boss, send her back to her mums house and blah blah blah... trying to be macho, and it is quite pathetic. (no i dont mean it in a male bashing one... only refers to those kind of people who it applies to, so no offense necessary)
Anyway breaking up marriage is one the most beloved things to Shaytan. When he creates an argument or disaccord between spouses he becomes soo joyful. Why do we want to do things which will make shaytan happy :smack:
As Muslims we should always try to join together between people not to split relationships and ties... we can even lie in order to mend two peoples relationship so that shows the extent which it is important.
And divorce although halal is not good, so to advice this so hastily and without even knowledge of the full facts is not part of al amr bil ma3roof wan nahy an il munkar but rather the opposite.
Andddd finally have to remember, its from the excellence of our islam that we leave that which does not concern us. If someone does not ask advice on their marriage then do not give it unsolicited. When someone just sees or hears of something, the person hasnt even asked their thoughts and they are like "bruv u should divorce her :mad:" - this is crazy...
Lord Summerisle
17-10-07, 06:50 PM
It's much easier for some folk to see problems in other peoples relationship than it is to acknowledge the difficulties within their own.
As it's easier to give advice than get ones own house in order.
[quote=.: Anna :.;2196381]I agree with u sis!
I find it quite sickening when people are like this, especially when for something small like your examples. Some bros especially think they are well hard or something, if any wife steps out of line just a bit they get like u cant let them get away with this, u have to show them whos boss, send her back to her mums house and blah blah blah... trying to be macho, and it is quite pathetic. (no i dont mean it in a male bashing one... only refers to those kind of people who it applies to, so no offense necessary)
you will find the ones that talk like this are the ones who have no say in things at home and are unhappy in their marriages,hence wanna see everyone else at their level, be very careful of people like this, friendship and brotherhood means nothing to sum.
Anyway breaking up marriage is one the most beloved things to Shaytan. When he creates an argument or disaccord between spouses he becomes soo joyful. Why do we want to do things which will make shaytan happy :smack:
As Muslims we should always try to join together between people not to split relationships and ties... we can even lie in order to mend two peoples relationship so that shows the extent which it is important.
And divorce although halal is not good, so to advice this so hastily and without even knowledge of the full facts is not part of al amr bil ma3roof wan nahy an il munkar but rather the opposite.
Andddd finally have to remember, its from the excellence of our islam that we leave that which does not concern us. If someone does not ask advice on their marriage then do not give it unsolicited. When someone just sees or hears of something, the person hasnt even asked their thoughts and they are like "bruv u should divorce her :mad:" - this is crazy...
exactly, and when a wife or husband is upset with the other half, they are at their most vunerable and can end up listening and take these foolish peoples advise,im sure there are loads of people who have left their marriages on the say so of others and now regret it, and these same advisors are sitting cushy at home with their spouse...
Definitely agree.
Two points I would like to make
1. Patience in such issues should be advised, at least initially.
2. As MG said, our bros and sis' shouldn't use any opportunity to spill out their problems. Only choose people you can really trust, who can benefit you, and only after supplicating to Allah.
3. I don't know who said this but I thought it was quite good. If you can't keep your own secret, you can't really expect the person you tell to.
However, I know it is easy for me to say, cos I ain't the situation...
It's much easier for some folk to see problems in other peoples relationship than it is to acknowledge the difficulties within their own.
As it's easier to give advice than get ones own house in order.
i dont mind people giving advice (i.e. if its asked for or the person dont mind etc) but its what they say/advise that grates me:rubeyes:
Definitely agree.
Two points I would like to make
1. Patience in such issues should be advised, at least initially.
2. As MG said, our bros and sis' shouldn't use any opportunity to spill out their problems. Only choose people you can really trust, who can benefit you, and only after supplicating to Allah.
3. I don't know who said this but I thought it was quite good. If you can't keep your own secret, you can't really expect the person you tell to.
However, I know it is easy for me to say, cos I ain't the situation...
good points j/k
sunrise
17-10-07, 10:19 PM
id have to be married, so i "can leave him" :rolleyes:
mashallah thats the one,j/k sis ;)
exactly sis, one person called me the other day about their marriage problems and everytime i tried to advise the person (im bad at advice but for married couple i never know what to say!) they would say "but my friend said, i should leave " or "but my friend said i should never take this kinda crap and they would leave if it was them"
seriously, everything i was recommending they were going on about there friends "advising" them :rolleyes:
in the end i was like, u know what, why dont u leave your marriage and then tell me exactly how much "support" they give u once u aint got a marriage .....sheesh
wa iyaki
i'm not even married and i know not to do this! subhanAllah i've seen it tear up marriages like seriously ripped apart and far what people's cheap talk :(
wa iyaki
i'm not even married and i know not to do this! subhanAllah i've seen it tear up marriages like seriously ripped apart and far what people's cheap talk :(
i do feel sorry for some, cos they are so down and feeling vunerable some cheap talk seems to make sense to them :(
aaarrgh
sunrise
17-10-07, 10:23 PM
i do feel sorry for some, cos they are so down and feeling vunerable some cheap talk seems to make sense to them :(
aaarrgh
may Allah SWT keep us away from vain and idle talk...and value sacred bonds of marriage and kinship
ameen
may Allah SWT keep us away from vain and idle talk...and value sacred bonds of marriage and kinship
ameen
ameen!
Abu Mu'adh
17-10-07, 10:27 PM
People should not even be discussing their marriage issues with 'friends'. I find it hard to fathom why couples won't sit down with each other first to resolve their issues, if that fails then get an honest trustworthy reliable mediator to help out.
ummbilal
17-10-07, 10:32 PM
subhannallah a marriage is about comprimise, love and understanding, if my husband didnt forgive my faults there would be no marriage as it is we are happy Allhumdulilah after many years, somethings are going to lead to divorce, discussing your marriage with outsidders is one of them i would be horrified if my husband said what went on between us to anyone..
Allhumdulilah he is better than that inshaallah he always will be.
friend who tell u to leave, are not your friends, unless he is doing something truly evil, and Allahu alam,
subhannallah a marriage is about comprimise, love and understanding, if my husband didnt forgive my faults there would be no marriage as it is we are happy Allhumdulilah after many years, somethings are going to lead to divorce, discussing your marriage with outsidders is one of them i would be horrified if my husband said what went on between us to anyone..
Allhumdulilah he is better than that inshaallah he always will be.
friend who tell u to leave, are not your friends, unless he is doing something truly evil, and Allahu alam,
mashallah at you and your husband, may Allah swt always keep ur marriage a happy one.Ameen
i can understand sometimes a married couple might need to bring in an outsider for mediation purposes but to talk to all and sundry about it,not caring wether they are your well wisher, is asking for trouble.
I also think telling everyone your marital problems, takes away abit of the personal bond you have with your spouse, everytime u bring someone into your marriage!
Usually ignorant people advice towards ignorance.
The Prophet of Allah SAW has asked the curse of Allah on those who cut ties or aid in cutting ties.
One of the most sacred ties in Islam is marriage.
Divorce is the most hated allowed act in Islam, when divorce takes place, the thrown of Allah swt terribles from the Anger of Allah swt.
Wo be to those who aid and cause seperation and divorce, and glad tidings to those who help in bringing people together and aiding in connection people.
Usually ignorant people advice towards ignorance.
The Prophet of Allah SAW has asked the curse of Allah on those who cut ties or aid in cutting ties.
One of the most sacred ties in Islam is marriage.
Divorce is the most hated allowed act in Islam, when divorce takes place, the thrown of Allah swt terribles from the Anger of Allah swt.
Wo be to those who aid and cause seperation and divorce, and glad tidings to those who help in bringing people together and aiding in connection people.
Ameen sis :up:
.: Anna :.
18-10-07, 04:37 AM
MG its a bro
MG its a bro
oops sorry, is this the old "hekmaa" cos the old one was a gal right :rubeyes:
apologies bro hekmaa!
.: Anna :.
18-10-07, 04:42 AM
lol no he was always a male, i dnt think we had another one
lol no he was always a male, i dnt think we had another one
ooops ok then.... maybe it was just me.....:rubeyes:
ooops ok then.... maybe it was just me.....:rubeyes:
It does say "Brother Wisdom" , lol no need to be sorry, may Allah forgive you.
mansoor36
18-10-07, 06:49 AM
If you are short tempered, you would never stick to anyone. You have to have patience, life is all about sabr, if you don't have sabr you would have nervous breakdown sooner or later. I used to fight a lot with my wife, later we have come to an understanding, we do fight but the intensity is not much, and we do understand each others weakness and we do give each other time to improve. Nobody is perfect, Prophet has said, "if you want to mention somebody else's weakness first mention your own weakness", look into yourself and you will find more weaknesses than your partner ....
~Bump~
i have bumped this becos people seem to still be ignorantly advising people to divorce their spouses without having full facts (which they will never get) can u all please watch wat u advise others
umm shuyookh
19-12-07, 06:05 AM
:jkk: sister, i did not see this thread before. i hope and pray the brothers advising divorce in the other thread will read through, may Allah forgive us all.
:jkk: sister, i did not see this thread before. i hope and pray the brothers advising divorce in the other thread will read through, may Allah forgive us all.
edit
:jkk: sister, i did not see this thread before. i hope and pray the brothers advising divorce in the other thread will read through, may Allah forgive us all.
Ameen sister. Well another thread has come up with a sister being the victim this time and not one brother has advised her to divorce but they were all for the bro who was a vicitim to divorce the wife and pack his bags, in another thread - what a shock ...... P.S. no one should be advising anyone about divorce, this is the net, u know nothing about the other's life. Allahu alim
ummbilal
19-12-07, 05:35 PM
jazakallah khair sister, as there are a few threads knocking about currently that could use this advice, namely the one about the disrespectful wife and its now got on to who should have custedy of the child????
whats up with that, what about talking, mending the marriage if not for yourselves for the sake of Allah and your childs wealfare.
they say the first 10 years are the hardest, after that you know each other well enough to just get along, inshaallah these people married for 1 yr or 5 months will come to understand that sabr is what is needed, as this is just a small piece of forever.
jazakallah khair sister, as there are a few threads knocking about currently that could use this advice, namely the one about the disrespectful wife and its now got on to who should have custedy of the child????
whats up with that, what about talking, mending the marriage if not for yourselves for the sake of Allah and your childs wealfare.
they say the first 10 years are the hardest, after that you know each other well enough to just get along, inshaallah these people married for 1 yr or 5 months will come to understand that sabr is what is needed, as this is just a small piece of forever.
inshallah sis. yes takes a long time to get along without lots of arguing going on, again it comes down to sabr, which can sometimes be easier said than done but when u do see couples that have made it past the arguing stage, its well worth it mashallah. I jus hope that the people who are bringing their marital problems here are not solely relying on the "advice" given here.
Medievalist
19-12-07, 07:54 PM
MG: helloo**waves hand**
I didnt advise any1 to divorce - to the best of my recollection. I only said what Id do. :o
Hisham Abu
19-12-07, 07:56 PM
i have bumped this becos people seem to still be ignorantly advising people to divorce their spouses without having full facts (which they will never get) can u all please watch wat u advise othersJazaak Allaahu Khair sister, your advise is greatly appreciated.
MG: helloo**waves hand**
I didnt advise any1 to divorce - to the best of my recollection. I only said what Id do. :o
why do u have to get in the middle of everything, such an attention seeker:smack:
i am talking about those who were advising the brother to divorce, if that wasnt u then sling yer 'ook :rolleyes:
Medievalist
20-12-07, 09:50 PM
why do u have to get in the middle of everything, such an attention seeker:smack:
i am talking about those who were advising the brother to divorce, if that wasnt u then sling yer 'ook :rolleyes:
I crave attention and social recognition **hangs head in shame**
Only want to be popular :hidban:
I crave attention and social recognition **hangs head in shame**
Only want to be popular :hidban:
long way to go yet with that one. P.S. i think i may have found some new baby slings for papa, ill see if i can post them in your thread
Medievalist
20-12-07, 09:59 PM
long way to go yet with that one. P.S. i think i may have found some new baby slings for papa, ill see if i can post them in your thread
yr a nasty ol'd maasi MG and you picking on a shy defenceless introverted young man (me)
:crying:
and popularity aint about the numbers - its about which people like you. :coolbro:
Maureen
20-12-07, 10:12 PM
Asalaam alaikum
Why are some people quick to advise others "leave him!!" "leave her!!" yet they are getting treated badly in their own marriages but not going anywhere near leaving their own husband or wife!!
What is wrong with these people? why is it these days the 1st option everyone sees is "leave her/him!", yet they would never do it themselves if they were tr3eated in the same manner by their husband or wife :rolleyes:
"my wife swore at me" - Leave her!!
"my husband pushed me during the argument the other day"- "leave him!!!"
Did Allah swt not say, give to your brother what u would like for yourself (something along those lines, i cant remeber the wording exactly) yet look at these people :rubeyes:
I mean what the heck?
i partly blame the husbands and wives who go to all and sundry about their "problems" (half the time their aint one) instead of one or two people who they know have THEIR best interests at heart...
May Allah swt guide them and us ameen
end of rant :)
MG: I agree with you here. Well meaning friends are quick to give that sort of advice. It could well be that a difficulty that has emerged in a marriage would sort itself out fairly quickly without the couple separating.
If I were talking with a close friend and she revealed she had a marriage problem, Iwoud ask her if she had considered counselling.
yr a nasty ol'd maasi MG and you picking on a shy defenceless introverted young man (me)
:crying:
*chokes*
MG: I agree with you here. Well meaning friends are quick to give that sort of advice. It could well be that a difficulty that has emerged in a marriage would sort itself out fairly quickly without the couple separating.
If I were talking with a close friend and she revealed she had a marriage problem, Iwoud ask her if she had considered counselling.
most of the time the problems the married couple share with "friends" would be sorted out more easier if they said those same things to each other!
Asalaam alaikum
Why are some people quick to advise others "leave him!!" "leave her!!"
On a number of posts, there was abuse/beatings going on, and it a case like the best thing would to get out of the situation. Also, when a person starts demanding money for the downpayment on a house from there other half, yet does not want to put their name down as co-ownership of the house... that sounds fishy to me.
On a number of posts, there was abuse/beatings going on, and it a case like the best thing would to get out of the situation. Also, when a person starts demanding money for the downpayment on a house from there other half, yet does not want to put their name down as co-ownership of the house... that sounds fishy to me.
apologies i dont know what your talking about there:rubeyes:
i think that couples just shouldnt talk
all the problems occur when they start talking :S
why cant they just be married but not talk?
Medievalist
20-12-07, 10:35 PM
i think that couples just shouldnt talk
all the problems occur when they start talking :S
why cant they just be married but not talk?
a woman saying not to talk :rubeyes:
HAHAHAHAHAHA gud one MMS - that shud be an eid joke :outta:
Asalaam alaikum
Why are some people quick to advise others "leave him!!" "leave her!!" yet they are getting treated badly in their own marriages but not going anywhere near leaving their own husband or wife!!
What is wrong with these people? why is it these days the 1st option everyone sees is "leave her/him!", yet they would never do it themselves if they were tr3eated in the same manner by their husband or wife :rolleyes:
"my wife swore at me" - Leave her!!
"my husband pushed me during the argument the other day"- "leave him!!!"
Did Allah swt not say, give to your brother what u would like for yourself (something along those lines, i cant remeber the wording exactly) yet look at these people :rubeyes:
I mean what the heck?
i partly blame the husbands and wives who go to all and sundry about their "problems" (half the time their aint one) instead of one or two people who they know have THEIR best interests at heart...
May Allah swt guide them and us ameen
end of rant :)
Salam sis,
It is a Disgrace that hardly anyone follows the Quran, it details the process leading upto Divorce step-by step, on How to Resolve any issues between Wife/Husband, before it reaches Divorce.
we either get Idiots who say Talaq 3 times in rapid succession, and then cause problems for themselves, or those who say Talaq, and want to go back on their words, or those who see Marriage as a menial contract to be done away with whenever theres a problem ...
I concur, it is not good to divulge family matters to tom, **** and harry, who will not know both sides of the story, and/or will not have sufficient knowledge to give them good suggestions as to how to deal with the situation.
Advice should be sought from Someone Knowledgeable, who has Hikma in this matter and can advise the brother/sister on how to resolve the problem based on the Quran and Sunnah.
sometimes much of the Problem is due to Gossiping, and scandal mongering among communities... which is Prohibited in Islam, though few people even notice.
:jkk:
i think that couples just shouldnt talk
all the problems occur when they start talking :S
why cant they just be married but not talk?
no, both should just know when they shoudl talk and when they shouldnt, its when they decide to talk at the same time ,its when the problems start
Salam sis,
It is a Disgrace that hardly anyone follows the Quran, it details the process leading upto Divorce step-by step, on How to Resolve any issues between Wife/Husband, before it reaches Divorce.
we either get Idiots who say Talaq 3 times in rapid succession, and then cause problems for themselves, or those who say Talaq, and want to go back on their words, or those who see Marriage as a menial contract to be done away with whenever theres a problem ...
I concur, it is not good to divulge family matters to tom, **** and harry, who will not know both sides of the story, and/or will not have sufficient knowledge to give them good suggestions as to how to deal with the situation.
Advice should be sought from Someone Knowledgeable, who has Hikma in this matter and can advise the brother/sister on how to resolve the problem based on the Quran and Sunnah.
sometimes much of the Problem is due to Gossiping, and scandal mongering among communities... which is Prohibited in Islam, though few people even notice.
:jkk:
yes unfortunately it mostly does turn into gossipping or the "friend" lets his/her personal feelings about the other spouse cloud their judgement i.e. if they hate them from day one....
Medievalist
20-12-07, 10:48 PM
The thing with a marriage is regardless of whether its love or arranged or forced - you are ALWAYS gonna find something disagreeable in your spouse. Its whether you learn to deal with those issues or whether you keep making them into a major issue.
Its true that spouses can be demanding, especially men as they hold a superiority. But we should try and remember in moments of anger that if she has x,y,z faults then there must be things about me she dislikes even though she doesnt say, innit?
If she can be like that then men too should control themselves aswell.
Also the issue of involving another party in a family dispute - I hate that. My mother and father never interfere in my marriage, my mom wont say anything to her. And its an understanding that a husband and wife must have that their issues remain between them. Often an arguement can begin over something really small - if you let it drag on then problems. But even for just show you put on a happy face it often happens that your mind cools and you realise your arguement wasnt all that anyway. :)
Maureen
21-12-07, 10:50 PM
most of the time the problems the married couple share with "friends" would be sorted out more easier if they said those same things to each other!
MG: The trouble is that because the couple have not talked their situation over, is the very reason that there is a problem. Counselling would hopefully put them in the right direction, ie. not solve their problem, but show them how to do it.
When I say "counselling" I do not necessarily mean from a counsellor in the strict sense. It could be for a Christian, from a church elder or Priest, or for a Muslim, from an Imam.
MG: The trouble is that because the couple have not talked their situation over, is the very reason that there is a problem. Counselling would hopefully put them in the right direction, ie. not solve their problem, but show them how to do it.
When I say "counselling" I do not necessarily mean from a counsellor in the strict sense. It could be for a Christian, from a church elder or Priest, or for a Muslim, from an Imam.
yeh i get wat yours saying i think, i.e. someone to show them how to communicate with each other effectively?
cliche as it sounds, it is due to lack of communication that most of the problems exist
Medievalist
06-02-08, 11:23 PM
Bump
*IslamicGirl*
06-02-08, 11:32 PM
:start:
:salams
Excellent post sis MG- as i stated before we're just spectators, and whatever decision the distressed person picks will not affect us- and each argument has two sides. It's not as crystal white as we think.
:wswrwb:
Asalaam alaikum
Why are some people quick to advise others "leave him!!" "leave her!!" yet they are getting treated badly in their own marriages but not going anywhere near leaving their own husband or wife!!
:start:
Excellent post sis MG- as i stated before we're just spectators, and whatever decision the distressed person picks will not affect us- and each argument has two sides. It's not as crystal white as we think.
:wswrwb:
:salams
Allah swt has told us to watch what we advise others, especially our brothers and sisters, even on here, poeple come with their marriage problems and look how quick people are to say "divorce him, divorce her", withuot even knowing the other side or the ins and outs of the whole relationship, which would be impossible to know in real life let alone over the net.
may allah swt guide us on the right path and keep us strong and may Allah swt grant success to the marriages always ameen
yes unfortunately it mostly does turn into gossipping or the "friend" lets his/her personal feelings about the other spouse cloud their judgement i.e. if they hate them from day one....
Ukthi, I can't remember Exactly but I am pretty certain that there is a Hadith which States that a Husband aught to Love his wife even if he dislikes something in her, as he may find something else which is to his like.
It is idiotic that at the very first thing, we start hating each other ...
also this Ayah is something worth pondering on ...
Al-Quran, Chapter 2 : Verse 216
--------------------------------
"Fighting is prescribed for you, and ye dislike it. But it is possible that ye dislike a thing which is good for you, and that ye love a thing which is bad for you. But Allah knoweth, and ye know not."
just as there are some who Dislike Fighting Altogether, for the Haqq, there may also be Brothers and sisters who dislike each other, but Allah Ta'la has made them good for the other ...
:jkk:
Asalaam alaikum
Why are some people quick to advise others "leave him!!" "leave her!!" yet they are getting treated badly in their own marriages but not going anywhere near leaving their own husband or wife!!
What is wrong with these people? why is it these days the 1st option everyone sees is "leave her/him!", yet they would never do it themselves if they were tr3eated in the same manner by their husband or wife :rolleyes:
"my wife swore at me" - Leave her!!
"my husband pushed me during the argument the other day"- "leave him!!!"
:)
we learnt it on hollyoaks?
we learnt it on hollyoaks?
do people actually watch that program :rubeyes:
Ukthi, I can't remember Exactly but I am pretty certain that there is a Hadith which States that a Husband aught to Love his wife even if he dislikes something in her, as he may find something else which is to his like.
It is idiotic that at the very first thing, we start hating each other ...
also this Ayah is something worth pondering on ...
Al-Quran, Chapter 2 : Verse 216
--------------------------------
"Fighting is prescribed for you, and ye dislike it. But it is possible that ye dislike a thing which is good for you, and that ye love a thing which is bad for you. But Allah knoweth, and ye know not."
just as there are some who Dislike Fighting Altogether, for the Haqq, there may also be Brothers and sisters who dislike each other, but Allah Ta'la has made them good for the other ...
:jkk:
exactly but alot of muslim men and women, think that the man is playing way becos the wife is doing something wrong :rubeyes: even if that is the case, shouldnt the above verse where Allah swt has said to ignore a wife's bad traits and look only for the good in her.... come in to the matter? Alot of muslims forget this verse.
Jazakallah for pointing that out.
exactly but alot of muslim men and women, think that the man is playing way becos the wife is doing something wrong :rubeyes: even if that is the case, shouldnt the above verse where Allah swt has said to ignore a wife's bad traits and look only for the good in her.... come in to the matter? Alot of muslims forget this verse.
Jazakallah for pointing that out.
Pre-Judging, and stereotyping based on Suspicions is not permitted as far as I know ...
I know what your saying though sis ...
thats a Hadith If I'm not mistaken Ukthi, and yes your right ...
although we also got to bear in mind there are certain things which a Person can ignore/overlook/forgive Minor things really ...
we shouldn't be like some Kuffar, who "Forgive" Everything, they commit Zina and they "Forgive" each other ... :rubeyes:
Major stuff like Zina, being Unfaithful to the Husband, doing whatever a Wife pleases going repeatedly against the Husbands Halal wishes, exposing parts of the Body to Non-Mehrems, repeatedly and knowingly committing Kufr disobeying Allah Ta'ala and his Rasul :saw:is not forgivable, whether Man or Woman ...
It is usually silly things which lead to Fights, and before you know it it's escalated to a level where there exists only hate and blame ... and the First thing they do is.... Divorce ... whereas it aught to be the Last thing. when Every effort to reconcile the Relationship as mentioned in the Quran failed.
:jkk:
Pre-Judging, and stereotyping based on Suspicions is not permitted as far as I know ...
I know what your saying though sis ...
thats a Hadith If I'm not mistaken Ukthi, and yes your right ...
although we also got to bear in mind there are certain things which a Person can ignore/overlook/forgive Minor things really ...
we shouldn't be like some Kuffar, who "Forgive" Everything, they commit Zina and they "Forgive" each other ... :rubeyes:
Major stuff like Zina, being Unfaithful to the Husband, doing whatever a Wife pleases going repeatedly against the Husbands Halal wishes, exposing parts of the Body to Non-Mehrems, repeatedly and knowingly committing Kufr disobeying Allah Ta'ala and his Rasul :saw:is not forgivable, whether Man or Woman ...
It is usually silly things which lead to Fights, and before you know it it's escalated to a level where there exists only hate and blame ... and the First thing they do is.... Divorce ... whereas it aught to be the Last thing. when Every effort to reconcile the Relationship as mentioned in the Quran failed.
:jkk:
jazakallah brother, is that verse not from the quran :rubeyes:
Medievalist
07-02-08, 10:10 PM
exactly but alot of muslim men and women, think that the man is playing way becos the wife is doing something wrong :rubeyes: even if that is the case, shouldnt the above verse where Allah swt has said to ignore a wife's bad traits and look only for the good in her.... come in to the matter? Alot of muslims forget this verse.
Jazakallah for pointing that out.
yes but no1 defending the man for playing away nor making an excuse for it. There's no point telling the woman you should get into a rage or its all your husbands fault even if it is cos that isnt how she's gonna save her marriage. The advice needed is for her to entice him back to her.
yes but no1 defending the man for playing away nor making an excuse for it. There's no point telling the woman you should get into a rage or its all your husbands fault even if it is cos that isnt how she's gonna save her marriage. The advice needed is for her to entice him back to her.
would u advise that same advice if the woman was cheating on her husband? i.e. "entice her back bro"?...i dont think you would personally. They should both be enticing each other, not other people.
Thats why i try and steer clear on giving advice on wether someone should leave or not becos i dont know both sides but u can only "entice" someone bakc so many times,especially when they are seeing someone else right under your nose , its sad indeed.
May Allah swt grant our ummah strong eeman and successful marraiges.Ameen
Medievalist
07-02-08, 10:21 PM
would u advise that same advice if the woman was cheating on her husband? i.e. "entice her back bro"?...i dont think you would personally. They should both be enticing each other, not other people.
Thats why i try and steer clear on giving advice on wether someone should leave or not becos i dont know both sides but u can only "entice" someone bakc so many times,especially when they are seeing someone else right under your nose , its sad indeed.
May Allah swt grant our ummah strong eeman and successful marraiges.Ameen
Divorce is the mans right. If his wife is like that then what he does with her is his business.
Even then I wouldnt advise divorce, well Id try not to. Its upto him how he wants to deal with her behaviour.
Divorce is the mans right. If his wife is like that then what he does with her is his business.
Even then I wouldnt advise divorce, well Id try not to. Its upto him how he wants to deal with her behaviour.
Divorce is a womans right also.
no one should advise anyone to divorce,that should be their choice only.
Medievalist
07-02-08, 10:39 PM
Divorce is a womans right also.
no one should advise anyone to divorce,that should be their choice only.
1. first line. her right was nikah. divorce is his right
2. agreed.
1. first line. her right was nikah. divorce is his right
2. agreed.
are u saying that a woman has no right to divorce?
if you are then can u provide daleel please
Medievalist
07-02-08, 11:06 PM
are u saying that a woman has no right to divorce?
if you are then can u provide daleel please
**sighs**
how the hell can a woman divorce a man? a woman in islam has never divorced a man, nor will she ever be able to. this is basic.
Mullah_Din
07-02-08, 11:17 PM
Khulla!
**sighs**
how the hell can a woman divorce a man? a woman in islam has never divorced a man, nor will she ever be able to. this is basic.
the woman has a right to leave her husband and get khula from him, u just being petty over the word "divorce"..? she can get khula.
u say garbage constantly in your posts and whenever someone questions u on it, u *roll eyes* grow up or dont speak in the 1st place then,this is a forum, not "Med's Corner to hear his own voice":rubeyes:
Medievalist
07-02-08, 11:23 PM
MG: no need to get emotional. I said divorce is mans right. You questioned it. I said woman cant ever divorce a man. You say its a word game. So you think khula is her divorcing him?
I mentioned a principle: PRINCIPLE: divorce is the right of the man.
You seem agitated by this principle and then try and prove that khula = divorce. mashaALLAH
thanks for your enlightening posts.
:salams
Maureen
07-02-08, 11:26 PM
yeh i get wat yours saying i think, i.e. someone to show them how to communicate with each other effectively?
cliche as it sounds, it is due to lack of communication that most of the problems exist
Communication in marriage is everything, regardless of religion. There is a point of no return though, where for example, if she/he constantly adulterates, then it is time to part. For the sake of sanity, we can only forgive so much for the same offence against us.
MG: no need to get emotional. I said divorce is mans right. You questioned it. I said woman cant ever divorce a man. You say its a word game. So you think khula is her divorcing him?
thanks for your enlightening posts.
:salams
khulla is the woman's "divorce" no? we were discussing women divorcing no?
u know exactly what i meant, but as usual your busy trying to look "clever" and "funny" in front of the bros :rolleyes: (and failing miserably yet again).
This is a serious thread, can u take your games somewhere else please.
Communication in marriage is everything, regardless of religion. There is a point of no return though, where for example, if she/he constantly adulterates, then it is time to part. For the sake of sanity, we can only forgive so much for the same offence against us.
most definately i agree, some men/women for some strange reason can handle their wife/husband having affairs (maybe cos they turn a blind eye and pretend its not happeneing) .
But yes,for reasons of sanity they must leave, im not going OTT when i say, it can become a life or death situation when someone is being mentally tortured like this, it makes some suicidal unforutnalty.
In know one sister who has 4 kids, she put up with her hubbie's cheating for nearly 15years (woman after woman) , in the end she left him but has gone abit doolally and is out all hours and on anti-depressants and her family is really concerned for her, all becos of this dude's cheating :(
May allah swt bless her with health and imaan once again ameen
Medievalist
07-02-08, 11:36 PM
khulla is the woman's "divorce" no? we were discussing women divorcing no?
u know exactly what i meant, but as usual your busy trying to look "clever" and "funny" in front of the bros :rolleyes: (and failing miserably yet again).
This is a serious thread, can u take your games somewhere else please.
Why are you putting divorce in " " - its either divorce or it isnt. If its her divorcing him then you're absolutley right and Im wrong. and if its not her divorcing him then your post is pointless.
You made a big hoo haa about me saying mens right is divorce. now either prove she can divorce him or be silent.
You accuse me of word games and pettiness yet you are twisting khula into "divorce"! it either is or it isnt. there's no "" in the issue at all.
Anyway I can see you're having a moment so enjoy your thread
:salams
Why are you putting divorce in " " - its either divorce or it isnt. If its her divorcing him then you're absolutley right and Im wrong. and if its not her divorcing him then your post is pointless.
You made a big hoo haa about me saying mens right is divorce. now either prove she can divorce him or be silent.
You accuse me of word games and pettiness yet you are twisting khula into "divorce"! it either is or it isnt. there's no "" in the issue at all.
Anyway I can see you're having a moment so enjoy your thread
:salams
wa alaikum aslaam
ya allah gimme strength .
Mullah din has said it in his post and i have said in my post.
I cant be bothered with your pettiness, for someone who is all about being "da man" your behaving like a total "woman" tonight.
I dont wish to give your posts in ths thread any further of my time.
Medievalist
07-02-08, 11:43 PM
Mullah Din:
according to your knowledge in khula does the woman divorce her husband?
jazakallah brother, is that verse not from the quran :rubeyes:
I think its a Hadith, but don't quote me on it sis, it could be a verse of the Quran ... :o
:jkk:
I think its a Hadith, but don't quote me on it sis, it could be a verse of the Quran ... :o
:jkk:
ok bro, if i come across it again then ill post it here inshallah
Mullah_Din
08-02-08, 03:56 PM
Mullah Din:
according to your knowledge in khula does the woman divorce her husband?
Khula literally means means 'to take off', i.e. Islam gives the right to a woman to take off, separate! Under this context, it would mean to take off a marriage bond by a woman. The Almighty Allah Taa'la gives the husband the right to divorce and to balance the rights of the spouses; He give the women the right to separate.
Wassalaam,
Medievalist
08-02-08, 05:59 PM
Khula literally means means 'to take off', i.e. Islam gives the right to a woman to take off, separate! Under this context, it would mean to take off a marriage bond by a woman. The Almighty Allah Taa'la gives the husband the right to divorce and to balance the rights of the spouses; He give the women the right to separate.
Wassalaam,
Ml.
So does she divorce him? yes or no? Khula is khula. I mad statement that divorce is the mans right. Can a woman divorce her husband?
Mullah_Din
08-02-08, 06:17 PM
Ml.
So does she divorce him? yes or no? Khula is khula. I mad statement that divorce is the mans right. Can a woman divorce her husband?
Bro, I have said that the right of divorce is ONLY to the man.
Arfankh4n
08-02-08, 07:41 PM
Maulana, Jazaak Allah, for spreading your knowledge.
Khula literally means means 'to take off', i.e. Islam gives the right to a woman to take off, separate! Under this context, it would mean to take off a marriage bond by a woman. The Almighty Allah Taa'la gives the husband the right to divorce and to balance the rights of the spouses; He give the women the right to separate.
Wassalaam,
this is what i meant, she has the right to "take off"- leave
khulla is the "divorce" version for the woman right.
anywho can we get back to my topic now.
Bro mullah din, u must get loadsa married couples who separate cos they have others telling them to leave their spouse :(
Mullah_Din
08-02-08, 11:41 PM
Bro mullah din, u must get loadsa married couples who separate cos they have others telling them to leave their spouse :(
Yes, we do - but, our ultimate role always is to reconcile them!
Mullah_Din
08-02-08, 11:47 PM
Maulana, Jazaak Allah, for spreading your knowledge.
Jazaak Allah!
SubhanAllah, sarcasm is hateful. Insulting one's Muslim brother or sister is foolish. It will not lead a good conclusion. Leave it for something better.
Medievalist
09-02-08, 02:20 AM
Bro, I have said that the right of divorce is ONLY to the man.
:jkk:
Mullah_Din
09-02-08, 12:49 PM
:jkk:
Do not mention it, dear bro!
Keep up the good work!
Wassalaam,
Yes, we do - but, our ultimate role always is to reconcile them!
of course....may Allah swt reward u becos i wouldnt be able to handle seeing more than one couple A WEEK let alone a day:rubeyes:
Mullah_Din
10-02-08, 09:07 PM
of course....may Allah swt reward u becos i wouldnt be able to handle seeing more than one couple A WEEK let alone a day:rubeyes:
Its difficult - we shouldn't take things to heart, but, as a Muslim you do, it's quite natural. I just hope that our youngster saw more sense and did not tyrn to what I call 'Internet Marriage' which lasts for a few weeks or even less.
May Allah Taa'la guide us all and enable us to act on the beautiful ways of our Nabi, Hadhrat Muhammad-ur Rasulullaah (Sallallaahu Alayhi Wasallam). Aameen.
Its difficult - we shouldn't take things to heart, but, as a Muslim you do, it's quite natural. I just hope that our youngster saw more sense and did not tyrn to what I call 'Internet Marriage' which lasts for a few weeks or even less.
May Allah Taa'la guide us all and enable us to act on the beautiful ways of our Nabi, Hadhrat Muhammad-ur Rasulullaah (Sallallaahu Alayhi Wasallam). Aameen.
as in meeting thru net? that rife is it?
imran1976
22-04-08, 06:44 AM
*bump*
:nono:
:1popcorn:.........................
:1popcorn:.........................
which part of the thread are you enjoying :smack:
i bumped it because im just reiterating the point again as a reminder.
imran1976
22-04-08, 10:50 AM
which part of the thread are you enjoying :smack:
i bumped it because im just reiterating the point again as a reminder.
i'm enjoying eating goal gappay.....:D
:icon_offtopic:i'm enjoying eating goal gappay.....:D
RazielTemp
09-06-08, 10:06 AM
It's much easier for some folk to see problems in other peoples relationship than it is to acknowledge the difficulties within their own.
As it's easier to give advice than get ones own house in order.
I guess Bush & Blair aught to have said that, would have gained them some serious credit ...:up:
vBulletin® v3.7.2, Copyright ©2000-2008, Jelsoft Enterprises Ltd.