View Full Version : No time for marriage
SisterIslam
15-10-07, 04:14 PM
Assalamu Alaikum brothers and sisters,
Would it be fair to say that people living in the UK do not have time for marriage. Everybody seems to be so busy. Life here is hectic no doubt, but should uni/work get in the way of you getting married, if you're a singleton?
Although everyone says they want to get married, are they doing enough to find a partner? Does the 9-5 routine stress everbody out, making them forget that they are unmarried? If you have too much on your plate marriage will seldom cross your mind. Am I right?
sunrise
15-10-07, 04:22 PM
:salams
i guess it comes down to priorities
Unmarried people over-rate marriage. It takes two incredibly strong minded people to form a bond that will last throughout the stress of life. Whereas some just rush into thinking they'll be fed chocolate beside a fireplace or fall asleep on a beach with their partner; lmao! Then reality hits home.
I'm not a pessimistic person but I feel that I need to add a balance here because people rarely talk about marriage seriously. I mean, honestly, how many of the married members on Ummah do you see posting here?
None. Why? Because they know the realities and dont want to waste their times with all the :inlove::inlove: that goes on here.
Your friendly neighbourino,
Kal
$HugoBoss$
15-10-07, 05:09 PM
How's 9 to 5 busy????? What do you do after 5 anyways??????? Get married after uni/college, you'll have enough time on your hands. People just make to many excuses thats all, we all have time, most people just suck at time management.
Neena77
15-10-07, 05:44 PM
Some of us don't suck at time management...we just can't find decent bro's!!!
I guess at the end of the day it comes down to when its has been ordained for you to marry,and whom...
We all have to be patient i guess...:-)
Nasibah
15-10-07, 07:19 PM
Unmarried people over-rate marriage. It takes two incredibly strong minded people to form a bond that will last throughout the stress of life. Whereas some just rush into thinking they'll be fed chocolate beside a fireplace or fall asleep on a beach with their partner; lmao! Then reality hits home.
I'm not a pessimistic person but I feel that I need to add a balance here because people rarely talk about marriage seriously. I mean, honestly, how many of the married members on Ummah do you see posting here?
None. Why? Because they know the realities and dont want to waste their times with all the :inlove::inlove: that goes on here.
Your friendly neighbourino,
Kal
I completely agree with you.
Unfortunately, most of us live in la-la land when it comes to marriage. Marriage is a SERIOUS and often HARD work. It takes a lot of commitment.
Surely we understand that it isn't going to be easy. I mean come on, it is half of our deen. Logically, we should understand that, it will not be handed over to us for nothing. We have to work at it. Like everything good in life. WE HAVE TO WORK FOR IT!!
May ALLAH make it easy for all of us. Ameen.
Z-Blade
16-10-07, 12:37 AM
Unmarried people over-rate marriage. It takes two incredibly strong minded people to form a bond that will last throughout the stress of life. Whereas some just rush into thinking they'll be fed chocolate beside a fireplace or fall asleep on a beach with their partner; lmao! Then reality hits home.
I'm not a pessimistic person but I feel that I need to add a balance here because people rarely talk about marriage seriously. I mean, honestly, how many of the married members on Ummah do you see posting here?
None. Why? Because they know the realities and dont want to waste their times with all the :inlove::inlove: that goes on here.
Your friendly neighbourino,
Kal
I completely agree with you.
Unfortunately, most of us live in la-la land when it comes to marriage. Marriage is a SERIOUS and often HARD work. It takes a lot of commitment.
Surely we understand that it isn't going to be easy. I mean come on, it is half of our deen. Logically, we should understand that, it will not be handed over to us for nothing. We have to work at it. Like everything good in life. WE HAVE TO WORK FOR IT!!
May ALLAH make it easy for all of us. Ameen.
:salams,
You two are a bit weird, since the whole point of marriage is to find a compatible partner who you can find peace and tranquility with and raise a family. So how is this the case if "marriage is hard"? You are making it more complex than it seems, since a good marriage should have more good times than bad times, so how is it hard?! It won't be hard if done correctly as Allah wills it and it won't be hard and you will be content if everything is done according to Islam.
Ameen to your dua.
Wassalam.
How's 9 to 5 busy????? What do you do after 5 anyways??????? Get married after uni/college, you'll have enough time on your hands. People just make to many excuses thats all, we all have time, most people just suck at time management.
yep - i have been told by my younger sis year after year to sort out my time managemnt - havnt worked out a time to do that yet though...:p
Some of us don't suck at time management...we just can't find decent bro's!!!
I guess at the end of the day it comes down to when its has been ordained for you to marry,and whom...
We all have to be patient i guess...:-)
yep and theres that too lol - patience, with lots of prayer, is vital :)
umm_yusuf
16-10-07, 12:59 AM
:salams,
You two are a bit weird, since the whole point of marriage is to find a compatible partner who you can find peace and tranquility with and raise a family. So how is this the case if "marriage is hard"? You are making it more complex than it seems, since a good marriage should have more good times than bad times, so how is it hard?! It won't be hard if done correctly as Allah wills it and it won't be hard and you will be content if everything is done according to Islam.
Ameen to your dua.
Wassalam.
I think you misunderstand my sister (Nasibah). What she means is that people live in a land of thinking that marriage is going to be smooth sailing with ice creams and roses and fairytales and lovey mushy stuff 24 hours of the day every day. And this is far from the reality.
What she is saying is that you can't get half your deen so easily. Marriage requires effort and perhaps the reason why you think it can't be that hard is because more often than not, it is the women who have to work twice as hard as the men in order to make it work. They have to compromise more and be more lenient.
I don't want to start a debate about the roles of the men and women within marriage and what not for that is not the purpose of the thread.
But the reason why I mentioned this is because whenever I ask sisters what it is like to be married, ALL (not most, but ALL) of them state that it is hard work and even though they love their husbands and wouldn's swap them for any man in the world, the institution of marriage is not easy.
Allah knows best.
shaquille20
16-10-07, 01:09 AM
Assalamu Alaikum brothers and sisters,
Would it be fair to say that people living in the UK do not have time for marriage. Everybody seems to be so busy. Life here is hectic no doubt, but should uni/work get in the way of you getting married, if you're a singleton?
Although everyone says they want to get married, are they doing enough to find a partner? Does the 9-5 routine stress everbody out, making them forget that they are unmarried? If you have too much on your plate marriage will seldom cross your mind. Am I right?
Wa aleikum as salam... I agree with you a bit... although I am single, I am married... I feel I have 2 choices....
Current routine: Wake up 6 (6.30 -7.30 Ummah.com {virtual wife})
Work 8-12
Lunch 12-1.00 PM Ummah.com {virtual wife}
Work again :( 1.00 to 4.30
Virtual Wife 5.00 pm to 9.00 pm Ummah.com {virtual wife}
If I had a wife, then the times I spend on Ummah.com can be dedicated to her... see what I mean... I am not married but then again, I cant say I am single either
What you young people don't seem to understand is that "Married World" and "Married With Children World" are two entirely different worlds.
In "Married With Children World," there is no such thing as the luxury of having the time to sit back quietly and calmly ponder the question, "Do I organize my time well?"
Yes, there's romance in "Married With Children World." It's sort of like the romance people famously experience in wartime. Two sleep-deprived people clinging together in difficult circumstances during which each kiss is important because you're not sure when you'll ever have another opportunity to share a kiss.
Seriously. In "Married With Children World," five years pass so quickly as to seem five months. Ten years seem like only a year or two.
So much goes on between work, family, and the usual business of life. If you do marriage as marriage is supposed to be done, there really isn't a lot of time for bickering or arguing.
mansoor36
16-10-07, 09:52 AM
Marriage is an undertaking, its a decision to change your way of life, its a comitment, and above all is a risk. Think about living with somebody you don't know much, you have heard of or have spend times with, but not enough until you share the same house and bed, you will know more about him/her. Your boyfriend/girlfriend might try to be good to you, show his good characters only and hide away his bad characters just to please you...you might be fooled by looks, personality or some other trait ...
Therefore what is the solution ? ... Follow the islamic path in choosing a spouse, not necessary that you have spent time with, but both have common goal, common understanding, its Deen which should lead you ... also understand human nature, everybody has a weakness, nobody is perfect, be ready to share, be ready for patience, sabr, be bold and be open... And Allah will do what he promised, "30:21 And among His Signs is this, that He created for you mates from among yourselves, that ye may dwell in tranquillity with them, and He has put love (Mawaddah) and mercy between your (hearts): verily in that are Signs for those who reflect."
I just think that this attitude towards marriage is a bit naive. It's alot of responsibility and children come along with them. I don't understand why people automatically and exclusively glamourise it to others on this forum.
If you one day have children of your own, and on their wedding day, or upcoming up to their wedding what do you think you'll be saying to them? Romanticizing marriage? No. You'll be stern and cautious and try to give them helpful tips - emphasising strength and more crucially; patience (sabr).
I don't intend to make marriage sound depressing, on the contrary I think its the most beautiful thing when two people get together and decide they want to spend the rest of their lives together. But its an adult decision and to be quite frank, I hope people on this section of the forum aren't like how they appear here. Especially the sisters (you know who you are people! lol). I think they're too young and too naive. This will need to change if they decide to marry one day otherwise they'll be in for major shocks when they do get married.
I remember how overly romantic I used to be about the whole thing, and then when I was involved in the proposal of marriage and trying to work it out, discussing it and planning it even; I aged. I swear, people look at my eyes nowdays and tell me I look 10 years old from just looking at them. Under my avatar, it says "weathered" and that's how it made me. I'm more realistic about things and I consider that a positive.
And trust me, I'd rather appear "pessimistic/cautious" about it than all :inlove: about it.
sis_niqabi
16-10-07, 03:05 PM
salam
marriage takes a lot of work and it is hard. but this whole life is a harship. just because one is not married doesn't mean things will be easier in life.
and if someone has no time for marriage. then they need to learn how to manage their time better. no offense to anyone here but the notion that there is no time in marriage is non-sense. and you think 9-5 is long? try working from 7-7.
Back to the topic; I disagree that people won't have time for marriage. Perhaps the thread starter is actually referring to having children. That I can understand if you have a career but how can you not have time in a day to see your husband/wife? Where do you plan to eat dinner, or to relax, or to go to sleep? The store room in the office you work?
Tariq Lateef
16-10-07, 04:02 PM
Back to the topic; I disagree that people won't have time for marriage. Perhaps the thread starter is actually referring to having children. That I can understand if you have a career but how can you not have time in a day to see your husband/wife? Where do you plan to eat dinner, or to relax, or to go to sleep? The store room in the office you work?
Nothing wrong with the Store Room in my office! its quite comfortable, plenty of room along with the mops and dustbin... :banbear:
Z-Blade
16-10-07, 08:39 PM
:salams,
salam
marriage takes a lot of work and it is hard. but this whole life is a harship. just because one is not married doesn't mean things will be easier in life.
and if someone has no time for marriage. then they need to learn how to manage their time better. no offense to anyone here but the notion that there is no time in marriage is non-sense. and you think 9-5 is long? try working from 7-7.
The sister has summarised what I was thinking nicely :up:, :jkk:. Indeed, if you won't be tested through marriage, Allah will test you in other ways anyway, so no point saying "Oh, I won't get married since it's so hard". No! People need marriage since it's a part of their natural desires and the fitrah of Islam.
And there's a good saying in this context: "Having Allah on your side does not mean sailing on a ship with no waves, but it is to sail on a ship which no storm can sink".
And that is what I was trying to get at in my first post, which I believe has been misunderstood.
Wassalam.
can people think logically here for abit.
WHETHER we get married or not, is NOT a decision that is in our hands, if Allah SWT has decreed it for us, it will happen wether we like it or not but what we should do is work towards marriage always, as this is a sunnah of the Prophet SAW
Z-Blade
16-10-07, 08:56 PM
:salams,
can people think logically here for abit.
WHETHER we get married or not, is NOT a decision that is in our hands, if Allah SWT has decreed it for us, it will happen wether we like it or not but what we should do is work towards marriage always, as this is a sunnah of the Prophet SAW
Indeed, maybe I should bust out the ahadith :eek:. Here's some stuff:
The scholars have said it's wajib on some people (if not fardh) to marry:
"According to Imam Abu Hanifah marriage is Sunnah and recommended. It is an act of worship and one should strive in fulfilling this act. However, if one is in a position where he cannot control his desires then it is Wajib (necessary) for such a person to get married as he will not be able to save himself from sinning.
However, a person is excused from marrying, so much so that he should refrain from it, if he does not possess the means of supporting his wife or the capability of fulfilling her rights.
“We were with the Prophet صلي الله عليه و سلم while we were young and had no wealth whatsoever. So Allah’s Apostle صلي الله عليه و سلم said, “O young people! Whoever amongst you can marry, should marry, because it helps him lower his gaze and guard his modesty, and whoever is not able to marry, should fast, as fasting is a shield for him (from desires).”
[Sahih al-Bukhari]
The Prophet of Allah صلي الله عليه و سلم has clearly forbidden people from celibacy:
“There is no celibacy in Islam”
[Sahih al-Bukhari]"
http://haram.wordpress.com/marriage/...get-married-2/
And there's a hadith where the Prophet :saw: said:
"There are three whom Allah must help: the Mujahid in the Path of allah, the reporter (of a message) who wishes to discharge his responsibility and the one seeking marriage in order to guard his chastity."
Wassalam.
:salams,
Indeed, maybe I should bust out the ahadith :eek:. Here's some stuff:
The scholars have said it's wajib on some people (if not fardh) to marry:
"According to Imam Abu Hanifah marriage is Sunnah and recommended. It is an act of worship and one should strive in fulfilling this act. However, if one is in a position where he cannot control his desires then it is Wajib (necessary) for such a person to get married as he will not be able to save himself from sinning.
However, a person is excused from marrying, so much so that he should refrain from it, if he does not possess the means of supporting his wife or the capability of fulfilling her rights.
“We were with the Prophet صلي الله عليه و سلم while we were young and had no wealth whatsoever. So Allah’s Apostle صلي الله عليه و سلم said, “O young people! Whoever amongst you can marry, should marry, because it helps him lower his gaze and guard his modesty, and whoever is not able to marry, should fast, as fasting is a shield for him (from desires).”
[Sahih al-Bukhari]
The Prophet of Allah صلي الله عليه و سلم has clearly forbidden people from celibacy:
“There is no celibacy in Islam”
[Sahih al-Bukhari]"
http://haram.wordpress.com/marriage/...get-married-2/
And there's a hadith where the Prophet :saw: said:
"There are three whom Allah must help: the Mujahid in the Path of allah, the reporter (of a message) who wishes to discharge his responsibility and the one seeking marriage in order to guard his chastity."
Wassalam.
why are u "busting out hadith" cos im agreeing with them... or are u just backing up what i say :D
Z-Blade
16-10-07, 09:18 PM
why are u "busting out hadith" cos im agreeing with them... or are u just backing up what i say :D
Backing you up of course :p! That's why I said "indeed" at the beginning of my post :p. I just don't like it how certain individuals say marriage is hard etc. and basically put people off marriage, some more than others since some people are already put off marriage from others experiences.
As I said, and as akhi Mansoor36 put it nicely, there will be much barakah in marriage if done the proper Islamic way.
Wassalam.
Backing you up of course :p! That's why I said "indeed" at the beginning of my post :p. I just don't like it how certain individuals say marriage is hard etc. and basically put people off marriage, some more than others since some people are already put off marriage from others experiences.
As I said, and as akhi Mansoor36 put it nicely, there will be much barakah in marriage if done the proper Islamic way.
Wassalam.
subhanallah yes, not "having time" to have kids or get married is the worst excuse someone could give for not marrying, especially women, becos for a guy i can understand , cos he has to be financially able to support his wife and family
can people think logically here for abit.
WHETHER we get married or not, is NOT a decision that is in our hands, if Allah SWT has decreed it for us, it will happen wether we like it or not but what we should do is work towards marriage always, as this is a sunnah of the Prophet SAW
Um. Ofcourse its our decision. If I don't want to get married, I won't get married. :confused: Your confusing our free will with what Allah (swt) knows, has written down for us. Our fate does not dismiss our free will.
Um. Ofcourse its our decision. If I don't want to get married, I won't get married. :confused: Your confusing our free will with what Allah (swt) knows, has written down for us. Our fate does not dismiss our free will.
u still hav free will, today u say im not going to get married, tommorrow u meet a woman who makes u forget u ever thought about never marrying and u marry her......thats what i mean about decree... i.e no one can say "i willnever marry" becos they do not what is in their future..
u still hav free will, today u say im not going to get married, tommorrow u meet a woman who makes u forget u ever thought about never marrying and u marry her......thats what i mean about decree... i.e no one can say "i willnever marry" becos they do not what is in their future..
That is of an entirely different context. And it's not one you can apply with to relationships. At all.
That is of an entirely different context. And it's not one you can apply with to relationships. At all.
of course its not, explain how its a different context.
You cannot decide your becos u dont know whats in it
Well your using it to advertise marriage as if this logic, of fate, will automatically lead us to marriage anyway. There are things that can influence us to make our decisions but the fundamental point is that it is our choice and you can't dress it to be e.g. the choice of Allah. I could, for example, choose to marry and make every intention of doing so and then I could change my mind and not be interested in marriage at all. Ofcourse I could say that this is what Allah (swt) has decreed for me, despite encouraging the concept of marriage.
We don't know what tomorrow will bring, but the fact that it could bring a change of heart, does not weaken the argument that ultimately it will be our choice in what we action we take.
Allah could have my destination written down, and he may know the decisions I will take on my journey to that destination, but ultimately I am the one who makes them and no one can interfere with those decisions.
If I decide not to marry, and if I stern with that intention, then I assure I will not get married. Don't you agree?
.: Anna :.
16-10-07, 10:21 PM
Kal El spouses are something which is specifically said to be written for a person before they are even born...
Arrakis
16-10-07, 10:22 PM
Kal El spouses are something which is specifically said to be written for a person before they are even born...
Really? :rubeyes:
Wow, what did I do to deserve what i was given? :(
.: Anna :.
16-10-07, 10:25 PM
Really? :rubeyes:
Wow, what did I do to deserve what i was given? :(
some things are a test...
anyway if it was bad look on the positive side that Allah took u out of it?
Z-Blade
16-10-07, 10:25 PM
Kal El spouses are something which is specifically said to be written for a person before they are even born...
Haha, Kal El got done there... :outta:
This is true though, every Muslim knows this.
Wassalam.
Kal El spouses are something which is specifically said to be written for a person before they are even born...
Tell that to the people who never got married. What you said relates to those who do get married.
Arrakis
16-10-07, 10:27 PM
some things are a test...
anyway if it was bad look on the positive side that Allah took u out of it?
Honestly, I can not see any positive out of my marriage experience, not even the final freedom from it. :(
I actually didn't realise that our spouses were part of predestination, not sure how to digest that bit of information.
sunrise
16-10-07, 10:27 PM
Really? :rubeyes:
Wow, what did I do to deserve what i was given? :(
Allah tests the BEST of people just look at our beloved prophet his daily life was trial after trial after trial
may you get what you deserve and more inshAllah :love:
Z-Blade
16-10-07, 10:29 PM
Really? :rubeyes:
Wow, what did I do to deserve what i was given? :(
Indeed, you need to question what you did wrong. If you believe it was punishment, then fix the mistakes you have done and the errors within yourself. If you believe you didn't deserve it, then you should bear it with patience and depend on Allah - since that is the way to Paradise.
Wassalam.
Arrakis
16-10-07, 10:31 PM
Indeed, you need to question what you did wrong. If you believe it was punishment, then fix the mistakes you have done and the errors within yourself. If you believe you didn't deserve it, then you should bear it with patience and depend on Allah - since that is the way to Paradise.
Wassalam.
Actually my life from the moment I was born was pretty messed up, what did I do wrong there?:rolleyes:
You don't know what i have been through, to say it must have been something I did....well quite frankly leaves me speechless.
Why test children?
Z-Blade
16-10-07, 10:34 PM
Actually my life from the moment I was born was pretty messed up, what did I do wrong there?:rolleyes:
You don't know what i have been through, to say it must have been something I did....well quite frankly leaves me speechless.
Why test children?
You should already know the answers to that. If you do not, you need to keep learning.
Ukhti sunrise has already said it, Allah tests those whom He loves. So this is a way for you to draw closer to Him and the chance to obtain the highest paradise. So you need to see it through the Islamic perspective and put your trust in Allah to get the solutions needed for your problems.
6.. "If you put your whole trust in Allah, as you ought, He most certainly will satisfy your needs, as He satisfies those of the birds. They come out hungry in the morning, but return full to their nests." (Tirmidhi)
23.. "A true Muslim is thankful to Allah in prosperity, and resigned to His will in adversity." (Muslim)
38.. "He, who wishes to enter paradise at the best gate, must please his father and mother." (Bukhari & Muslim)
http://www.islamfortoday.com/athar16.htm
Wassalam.
Well your using it to advertise marriage as if this logic, of fate, will automatically lead us to marriage anyway. There are things that can influence us to make our decisions but the fundamental point is that it is our choice and you can't dress it to be e.g. the choice of Allah. I could, for example, choose to marry and make every intention of doing so and then I could change my mind and not be interested in marriage at all. Ofcourse I could say that this is what Allah (swt) has decreed for me, despite encouraging the concept of marriage.
We don't know what tomorrow will bring, but the fact that it could bring a change of heart, does not weaken the argument that ultimately it will be our choice in what we action we take.
Allah could have my destination written down, and he may know the decisions I will take on my journey to that destination, but ultimately I am the one who makes them and no one can interfere with those decisions.
If I decide not to marry, and if I stern with that intention, then I assure I will not get married. Don't you agree?
i dont agree, becos like i said, a woman could come in front of u tomrrow and u forget u dont wanna marry anyone and marry her..
deciding something and having that outcome is 2 totally different things, wat is for u will never pass u.
If u want something u keep trying for it and if it doesnt happen then it was not decreed for u. If u dont want something and u work towards not getting it but U STILL get it despit your efforts then it was becos allah swt decreed it for u.
but in both circumstances u will see that we have freewill to work towards our decisons and wants but the OUTCOME is what is not in our hands.
Really? :rubeyes:
Wow, what did I do to deserve what i was given? :(
sis when something happens to us, it is either a blessing or a punishment, for example, it made u stronger or changed your character in a good way or made u closer to your deen, if it has done the opposite of the some of the above things then we should ask Allah swt for forgivenss for any wrongs we may have done that we might not be aware off (or are), as allah swt says, the bad we get is what we have earned with our own hands.
.: Anna :.
16-10-07, 10:47 PM
Tell that to the people who never got married. What you said relates to those who do get married.
well obviously those who never... there was no spouse written down for them, its a similar concept.
arrakis habibty i do understand what u mean, about the childhood and everything... yes children are innocent so what they suffer is not just as a "punishment" and for people to say that is wrong. there are many reasons why we suffer and get trials in life, only one is about just punishing for our sins, also its as a test for us, which can be because Allah loves us. Wallahi it benefits us because it cleans us and expiates our sins, because it is better to get the pain in this life than the next... compared to that, this one is nothing. U know the hadith about the dip into jannah? The most wretched person in this life, after being dipped into Jannah just one dip he will be asked did u ever no any sorrow.. and he will say no, as a result of this one dip he forgot everything as if it never touched him. And sabr thru hardship in this life is a way to earn a higher station in Jannah, and hardship can bring u closer to Allah aswell.. when u are so down, who else can u turn to?
I do understand that u feel angry and bitter still about hardships which u have faced but nothing occurs without a purpose and for the believer whatever our state, it is good because if we hav blessings we are grateful and it is good for us, if it is hardship we are patient and that is better... ur sufferings are not just meaningless and in vain.
As for the ayahs and sayings about calamities being from wat our own hands sent forward... every single person has bad deeds which if Allah wished it could be a cause for that, so it does not mean the more we suffer, the more bad deed we must have done because doesnt work like that and only Allah knows why he brings forward punishment for some, and delays it for others... but bringing it forward can be a mercy if it prevents us from punishment in the aakhira.
sis i feel sad to read ur posts like this cos i feel u have suffered alot and still are suffering inside as a result of ur bad experiences :( may Allah giv u peace
Arrakis
16-10-07, 10:51 PM
sis when something happens to us, it is either a blessing or a punishment, its a blessing if it made u stronger or changed your character in a good way or made u closer to your deen, if it has done the opposite of the stated things then we should ask Allah swt for forgivenss for any wrongs we may have done that we might not be aware off (or are), as allah swt says, the bad we get is what we have earned with our own hands.
Considering all the bad things that are done to children in this world, I can't see how they could have earned it in anyway.
Anyway, not that it matters now, whatever I did, I must have done it in the womb of my mother, because I got nothing but bad from day one.
I would rather leave this topic alone for now, it's too painful, I shouldn't have spoken at all lol
Actually my life from the moment I was born was pretty messed up, what did I do wrong there?:rolleyes:
You don't know what i have been through, to say it must have been something I did....well quite frankly leaves me speechless.
Why test children?
sis becos maybe it wasnt about u, maybe as a child u were a test for your parents and if they treated u bad (just an example) then they failed in this test, Allah swt says that people will be tested thru their wealth and their children.
You could have a pious couple for example and they are given a disabled baby, yes they will suffer with this baby and go thru alot of stress but this disabled baby has been brought into their lives to test them and raise them in rank by allah swt, does that make sense?
Considering all the bad things that are done to children in this world, I can't see how they could have earned it in anyway.
Anyway, not that it matters now, whatever I did, I must have done it in the womb of my mother, because I got nothing but bad from day one.
I would rather leave this topic alone for now, it's too painful, I shouldn't have spoken at all lol
see post 42 sis
Abu Muslim
16-10-07, 10:55 PM
Kal El spouses are something which is specifically said to be written for a person before they are even born...
Do you have a hadeeth to back this up ukhtee? I know about the hadeeth about when we are fetuses and soul is blown into us, the angels write down, our rizq, our death and how we will live but nothing specific to spouse..
Although everything is written for a person and its all qadr, never heard of such hadeeth specifically for spouse so would be greatful if you could show me it insha'Allah.
.: Anna :.
16-10-07, 11:13 PM
Do you have a hadeeth to back this up ukhtee? I know about the hadeeth about when we are fetuses and soul is blown into us, the angels write down, our rizq, our death and how we will live but nothing specific to spouse..
Although everything is written for a person and its all qadr, never heard of such hadeeth specifically for spouse so would be greatful if you could show me it insha'Allah.
I am sure I hav heard it, but I have to admit i dnt have the reference.
I know the one in imam nawawi's arba'ayn doesnt include that but I have heard it so many times.
Okay lemme try if i am able to find it insha allah... should hav checked it before i said, so please forgiv me for that
Abu Lahya
16-10-07, 11:14 PM
I am sure I hav heard it, but I have to admit i dnt have the reference.
I know the one in imam nawawi's arba'ayn doesnt include that but I have heard it so many times.
Okay lemme try if i am able to find it insha allah... should hav checked it before i said, so please forgiv me for that
Sister, If You find It..I'll Rate You.Ive Looked Everywhere I Know For It.
.: Anna :.
16-10-07, 11:19 PM
Have u heard it before though or no?
I just googled n it didnt come up. dno what else to do :smack: (yeh lame i know :()
Abu Lahya
16-10-07, 11:43 PM
Have u heard it before though or no?
I just googled n it didnt come up. dno what else to do :smack: (yeh lame i know :()
It Dont Exsist Sister To My Knoledge. My Mother Said It To Me Once. And I Didnt Belive it. I Looked For it, But As I Went To People Of Knoledge They Said, It Is Not To Be Found From A Single Hadeeth Or Quote.
I Think It Is Applied From The General Princilple Regarding Qdr from "what is meant to hit u will never miss u and whats meant to miss u will never hit u" lines..ie, Put Into A Marriage Context, If You Are Meant To Be Youll Be.LOL
Arrakis
16-10-07, 11:46 PM
It Dont Exsist Sister To My Knoledge. My Mother Said It To Me Once. And I Didnt Belive it. I Looked For it, But As I Went To People Of Knoledge They Said, It Is Not To Be Found From A Single Hadeeth Or Quote.
I Think It Is Applied From The General Princilple Regarding Qdr from "what is meant to hit u will never miss u and whats meant to miss u will never hit u" lines..ie, Put Into A Marriage Context, If You Are Meant To Be Youll Be.LOL
This makes more sense actually, I found it really hard to accept that allah would have given me such a spouse, I always thought it was more that allah put the choice infront of me and I chose wrong. :o
I was always told that what is maktoob is choices, each one leading a different way (not that I can make any sense of predestination to be honest) and that the free will was in your choice?
.: Anna :.
17-10-07, 12:02 AM
It Dont Exsist Sister To My Knoledge. My Mother Said It To Me Once. And I Didnt Belive it. I Looked For it, But As I Went To People Of Knoledge They Said, It Is Not To Be Found From A Single Hadeeth Or Quote.
I Think It Is Applied From The General Princilple Regarding Qdr from "what is meant to hit u will never miss u and whats meant to miss u will never hit u" lines..ie, Put Into A Marriage Context, If You Are Meant To Be Youll Be.LOL
Oh... in that case i am really sorry about that :S :(
Z-Blade
17-10-07, 12:02 AM
This makes more sense actually, I found it really hard to accept that allah would have given me such a spouse, I always thought it was more that allah put the choice infront of me and I chose wrong. :o
I was always told that what is maktoob is choices, each one leading a different way (not that I can make any sense of predestination to be honest) and that the free will was in your choice?
Free will in Islam is not really free will, but Free CHOICE. That is, we have our destiny put forward before us, and at each point, we can either do RIGHT or WRONG. Those are the choices, no other choice, just those 2. That's what I've always believed it to be anyway.
Oh... in that case i am really sorry about that :S :(
Sorry about what?!
Wassalam.
.: Anna :.
17-10-07, 12:05 AM
Cos I said something and apparently was not correct
Assalamu Alaikum brothers and sisters,
Would it be fair to say that people living in the UK do not have time for marriage. Everybody seems to be so busy. Life here is hectic no doubt, but should uni/work get in the way of you getting married, if you're a singleton?
Although everyone says they want to get married, are they doing enough to find a partner? Does the 9-5 routine stress everbody out, making them forget that they are unmarried? If you have too much on your plate marriage will seldom cross your mind. Am I right?
:wswrwb: only thing that gets in the way of me getting married is the muslims love for nationalisim and their own race, the fact im over 25 and have been married before and have kids, if i can solve those issues in the ummah then no problem insha Allah, but i doubt im going to live for 300 years or more which is about how long it will take to root out the evil mindsets .
Z-Blade
19-10-07, 12:14 AM
Cos I said something and apparently was not correct
:salams,
Hmmm, it could still be correct, since by googling I found this, which I believe is by a scholar:
"
Regarding marriage, we are again free to choose our spouse. Whether we stay together for life or get divorced is still a result of our choices. Allah ordains it before we are born and it is His will if we have successful marriages or not. Also, Allah determines whether we will have children. Some try very hard and are unsuccessful, while others are blessed with many. Some try to avoid having children but are given them anyway. In the Qur'an we read what means:
*{To Allah belongs the dominion of the Heavens and the Earth. He creates what He wills (and plans). He bestows male or female (children) according to His Will (and Plan), Or He bestows both males and females, and He leaves barren whom He will: for He is full of Knowledge and Power.}* (Ash-Shurah 42:49-50)"
http://www.islamonline.net/servlet/Satellite?cid=1168265475508&pagename=IslamOnline-English-AAbout_Islam%2FAskAboutIslamE%2FAskAboutIslamE
And I believe they use ahadith like these to justify it, since marriage is one of the major events of a person's life, apart from birth and death:
"It is from knowing that everything that is meant to happen until the end of time has been written down 50,000 years before creation:
Allah has written the ordained measures (and due proportions) of the creation, fifty thousand years before the creation of the heavens and the earth. (Muslim)
Imagine, that special person, one’s soul-mate, the person who will fill that void or emptiness which exists in one’s heart, has already been determined. Allah has preordained that person. If it is meant to be, it will happen. So our patience and trust should be placed with Allah.
Conceptually the romance is there even before one sets eyes upon one’s prospective partner. It is in knowing that Allah is watching over them. They are out there somewhere waiting for the moment when Allah decrees it to “BE,” and only then will it be! Nothing can hurry of slow down one’s destiny, “what has hit you could not have missed you, and what has missed you could not have hit you.” "
http://www.muslimyouth.net/forum/viewtopic.php?p=34066&sid=4b4ce08bda77e81dac33abd04ba856f1
Though inshaAllah I'll do more research into it.
Wassalam.
Abu Lahya
19-10-07, 12:31 AM
:salams,
Hmmm, it could still be correct, since by googling I found this, which I believe is by a scholar:
"
Regarding marriage, we are again free to choose our spouse. Whether we stay together for life or get divorced is still a result of our choices. Allah ordains it before we are born and it is His will if we have successful marriages or not. Also, Allah determines whether we will have children. Some try very hard and are unsuccessful, while others are blessed with many. Some try to avoid having children but are given them anyway. In the Qur'an we read what means:
*{To Allah belongs the dominion of the Heavens and the Earth. He creates what He wills (and plans). He bestows male or female (children) according to His Will (and Plan), Or He bestows both males and females, and He leaves barren whom He will: for He is full of Knowledge and Power.}* (Ash-Shurah 42:49-50)"
http://www.islamonline.net/servlet/Satellite?cid=1168265475508&pagename=IslamOnline-English-AAbout_Islam%2FAskAboutIslamE%2FAskAboutIslamE
And I believe they use ahadith like these to justify it, since marriage is one of the major events of a person's life, apart from birth and death:
"It is from knowing that everything that is meant to happen until the end of time has been written down 50,000 years before creation:
Allah has written the ordained measures (and due proportions) of the creation, fifty thousand years before the creation of the heavens and the earth. (Muslim)
Imagine, that special person, one’s soul-mate, the person who will fill that void or emptiness which exists in one’s heart, has already been determined. Allah has preordained that person. If it is meant to be, it will happen. So our patience and trust should be placed with Allah.
Conceptually the romance is there even before one sets eyes upon one’s prospective partner. It is in knowing that Allah is watching over them. They are out there somewhere waiting for the moment when Allah decrees it to “BE,” and only then will it be! Nothing can hurry of slow down one’s destiny, “what has hit you could not have missed you, and what has missed you could not have hit you.” "
http://www.muslimyouth.net/forum/viewtopic.php?p=34066&sid=4b4ce08bda77e81dac33abd04ba856f1
Though inshaAllah I'll do more research into it.
Wassalam.
HMMMM..OK Just T o Give The Other SIde
Ok, So If I Sit At Home And Dnt Leave House Will My Wife Find Me At Home In My Room Locked Up??
Tie The Camel And Then Place Your Trust In Allah...???
Z-Blade
19-10-07, 01:17 AM
HMMMM..OK Just T o Give The Other SIde
Ok, So If I Sit At Home And Dnt Leave House Will My Wife Find Me At Home In My Room Locked Up??
Tie The Camel And Then Place Your Trust In Allah...???
Yeah, if it was your destiny to sit at home and for your wife to find you like that, it could happen. Though in that case, your destiny would be to find a wife that's not as good due to your own laziness. Allah helps those who help themselves - as is basically what tying the camel hadith says
Wassalam.
Believer1984
20-10-07, 04:28 PM
can people think logically here for abit.
WHETHER we get married or not, is NOT a decision that is in our hands, if Allah SWT has decreed it for us, it will happen wether we like it or not but what we should do is work towards marriage always, as this is a sunnah of the Prophet SAW
rep !
Rosalie-Beauty
26-10-07, 05:56 AM
wow no sugar-coating here. Although its true..
wow no sugar-coating here. Although its true..
lol:up:
curious_man
26-10-07, 10:12 AM
Unmarried people over-rate marriage. It takes two incredibly strong minded people to form a bond that will last throughout the stress of life. Whereas some just rush into thinking they'll be fed chocolate beside a fireplace or fall asleep on a beach with their partner; lmao! Then reality hits home.
I'm not a pessimistic person but I feel that I need to add a balance here because people rarely talk about marriage seriously. I mean, honestly, how many of the married members on Ummah do you see posting here?
None. Why? Because they know the realities and dont want to waste their times with all the :inlove::inlove: that goes on here.
Your friendly neighbourino,
Kal
true i only come here when am at work - marriage is no easy peasy thing to tackle -
god my mrs does my head in sometimes with her complaining but i just have smile and bare to keep peace and am sure she does same when i do her head in.. all in all it requires a lot of work...
anyway make dua for me - am a bit stressed out today... my mrs didnt like the breakfast in bed i made her 2 days.. she said egg was solid enough and cheeze melted -- phew hard work eh lol
curious_man
26-10-07, 10:20 AM
:salams,
You two are a bit weird, since the whole point of marriage is to find a compatible partner who you can find peace and tranquility with and raise a family. So how is this the case if "marriage is hard"? You are making it more complex than it seems, since a good marriage should have more good times than bad times, so how is it hard?! It won't be hard if done correctly as Allah wills it and it won't be hard and you will be content if everything is done according to Islam.
Ameen to your dua.
Wassalam.
yes a big IF -
if you can get past the having/wanting a semi, with driveway , big garage, 4X4, 42" tv...
deep sigh ---
curious_man
26-10-07, 10:22 AM
I think you misunderstand my sister (Nasibah). What she means is that people live in a land of thinking that marriage is going to be smooth sailing with ice creams and roses and fairytales and lovey mushy stuff 24 hours of the day every day. And this is far from the reality.
What she is saying is that you can't get half your deen so easily. Marriage requires effort and perhaps the reason why you think it can't be that hard is because more often than not, it is the women who have to work twice as hard as the men in order to make it work. They have to compromise more and be more lenient.
I don't want to start a debate about the roles of the men and women within marriage and what not for that is not the purpose of the thread.
But the reason why I mentioned this is because whenever I ask sisters what it is like to be married, ALL (not most, but ALL) of them state that it is hard work and even though they love their husbands and wouldn's swap them for any man in the world, the institution of marriage is not easy.
Allah knows best.
yeh ok what ever -- ur species sure do like to stick together...
curious_man
26-10-07, 10:23 AM
Wa aleikum as salam... I agree with you a bit... although I am single, I am married... I feel I have 2 choices....
Current routine: Wake up 6 (6.30 -7.30 Ummah.com {virtual wife})
Work 8-12
Lunch 12-1.00 PM Ummah.com {virtual wife}
Work again :( 1.00 to 4.30
Virtual Wife 5.00 pm to 9.00 pm Ummah.com {virtual wife}
If I had a wife, then the times I spend on Ummah.com can be dedicated to her... see what I mean... I am not married but then again, I cant say I am single either
get a life man --- flip sake cant believe how much time u spend on this forum...
true i only come here when am at work - marriage is no easy peasy thing to tackle -
god my mrs does my head in sometimes with her complaining but i just have smile and bare to keep peace and am sure she does same when i do her head in.. all in all it requires a lot of work...
anyway make dua for me - am a bit stressed out today... my mrs didnt like the breakfast in bed i made her 2 days.. she said egg was solid enough and cheeze melted -- phew hard work eh lol
u need ur own marriage blog
curious_man
26-10-07, 10:42 AM
u need ur own marriage blog
will ya stop following me gal.. am married and at the moment working on gtg a 2nd one - when I am looking for no 3 get in touch then :P
imeg.org
26-10-07, 11:13 AM
will ya stop following me gal.. am married and at the moment working on gtg a 2nd one - when I am looking for no 3 get in touch then :P
i know you are trying to be funny.. but again its soo rude too..
curious_man
26-10-07, 11:44 AM
i know you are trying to be funny.. but again its soo rude too..
who rattled ur cage!
will ya stop following me gal.. am married and at the moment working on gtg a 2nd one - when I am looking for no 3 get in touch then :P
the humour's getting a bit old... thats what imeg is suggesting.
Pro_Candy
26-10-07, 11:49 AM
the humour's getting a bit old... thats what imeg is suggesting.
Agree :rolleyes:
curious_man
26-10-07, 11:57 AM
the humour's getting a bit old... thats what imeg is suggesting.
ok am really reaally sorryyyyyyyy
ok am really reaally sorryyyyyyyy
dont say sorry to me the humour dosent affect me one bit. You should apologise to the ladies. lol
curious_man
26-10-07, 12:02 PM
sorry ladies ---- but plz bare in mind am only here to kill time.. get rid of some stress ... boredom.. dont mean to offend anyone...
still if anyone is interested in becomin my no 3 plz let bruv elji know he is taking the details for me lol
Pro_Candy
26-10-07, 12:02 PM
I think an apology to the REAL wife is in order as well.... just sayin'....
curious_man
26-10-07, 12:04 PM
I think an apology to the REAL wife is in order as well.... just sayin'....
flipin heck - real mrs is not happy with me these days..
she is doing ma head in...
just text her earlier a nice lovey dovey one - still no reply.. ah women!!
Pro_Candy
26-10-07, 12:06 PM
Can't say that I blame her :rolleyes:
curious_man
26-10-07, 12:08 PM
Can't say that I blame her :rolleyes:
lol ur species sure do like to stick up for each other...
my mrs just needs a good :torture: haha
GAL-actic
26-10-07, 12:09 PM
lol ur species sure do like to stick up for each other...
my mrs just needs a good :torture: haha
I hope 4 u she's not a memberof this forum:rolleyes:
curious_man
26-10-07, 12:11 PM
I hope 4 u she's not a memberof this forum:rolleyes:
even if she is who cares!
Pro_Candy
26-10-07, 12:12 PM
lol ur species sure do like to stick up for each other...
my mrs just needs a good :torture: haha
Of course we do. I don't like to see my Sisters getting hurt by their husbands, or by anyone for that matter.
GAL-actic
26-10-07, 12:12 PM
even if she is who cares!
:rubeyes:
maybe you?:torture:
Pro_Candy
26-10-07, 12:13 PM
even if she is who cares!
Do you?
curious_man
26-10-07, 12:20 PM
Do you?
at this moment in time I dont because am upset..
in a few hours i'll be ok and will start caring (i hope)
curious_man
26-10-07, 12:23 PM
:rubeyes:
maybe you?:torture:
my mrs definetly is not as sad as i am - coming on this forumm...
her job is more demanding n professional then mine..
beside i work on computer all day hence maybe sometime get distracted n come here...
plus i know she is not into forums and chit chats that much.
Pro_Candy
26-10-07, 12:24 PM
at this moment in time I dont because am upset..
in a few hours i'll be ok and will start caring (i hope)
You should always care, even when you're upset.
curious_man
26-10-07, 12:27 PM
You should always care, even when you're upset.
maybe ur right but as ur species put it 'men cant multi task'
hence i cant be upset and caring same time now can i sis ... cos am a maaannn!!
GAL-actic
26-10-07, 12:33 PM
maybe ur right but as ur species put it 'men cant multi task'
hence i cant be upset and caring same time now can i sis ... cos am a maaannn!!
lol maybe you should give it try
Assalamu Alaikum brothers and sisters,
Would it be fair to say that people living in the UK do not have time for marriage. Everybody seems to be so busy. Life here is hectic no doubt, but should uni/work get in the way of you getting married, if you're a singleton?
Although everyone says they want to get married, are they doing enough to find a partner? Does the 9-5 routine stress everbody out, making them forget that they are unmarried? If you have too much on your plate marriage will seldom cross your mind. Am I right?
Back on topic.. Not all people living in the UK have the same routines, lifestyle and problems, so for some people, finding a spouse is not an issue. Some will have the time but may not find someone compatible, and others may struggle finding the time to look for a partner (if they do, they'd have to make time for their spouse to make the marriage work).
At the end of the day, it's in God's hands. If it's meant to happen, it will.
true i only come here when am at work - marriage is no easy peasy thing to tackle -
god my mrs does my head in sometimes with her complaining but i just have smile and bare to keep peace and am sure she does same when i do her head in.. all in all it requires a lot of work...
anyway make dua for me - am a bit stressed out today... my mrs didnt like the breakfast in bed i made her 2 days.. she said egg was solid enough and cheeze melted -- phew hard work eh lol
flipin heck - real mrs is not happy with me these days..
she is doing ma head in...
just text her earlier a nice lovey dovey one - still no reply.. ah women!!
even if she is who cares!
maybe ur right but as ur species put it 'men cant multi task'
hence i cant be upset and caring same time now can i sis ... cos am a maaannn!!
subhanallah akhi, have some respect for your wife, people are just advising u here, what if ur wife is was talking to her freidns or relatives like this about u, how would u feel?
:(
and if your reason for joining this forum is to let of steam and boredom, then u need to get a punchbag becos people are here to learn and discuss issues like islam and other relevant topics, not to be lambasted by u with your useless posts (well lately they have been anyway) when they take time replying to u
curious_man
26-10-07, 12:40 PM
Back on topic.. Not all people living in the UK have the same routines, lifestyle and problems, so for some people, finding a spouse is not an issue. Some will have the time but may not find someone compatible, and others may struggle finding the time to look for a partner (if they do, they'd have to make time for their spouse to make the marriage work).
At the end of the day, it's in God's hands. If it's meant to happen, it will.
i agree !!
please dont just think it will happen when it is meant to and dont dont anything about it,,
my dad always said (may god grant him Jannah)
'himte mardan madade khuda'
meaning ' you work hard and Allah swt will help'
i really believe that.
if u plant a seed in a desseret with no protection from sun n little water it wont grow... if you plant it in fertile ground, with good water supply and appropriate sunlight god will do the rest... so u gotta go and do something urself too.
Try , try and try until ur meant to succeed by the grace of allah.
I also heard from my dad
'never give up hope cos so long as u have hope ALLAH SWT will help...'
hope I made sense...
Z-Blade
26-10-07, 02:36 PM
yes a big IF -
if you can get past the having/wanting a semi, with driveway , big garage, 4X4, 42" tv...
deep sigh ---
:salams,
You see, this is why in the hadith of the Prophet :saw:, he said men look for these qualities in a woman for marriage: her nobility, her looks, her wealth but blessed is the one who looks for taqwa (piety) and chooses his spouse based on that. (It's all paraphrased!).
Try to teach your wives about Islam and that being so materialistic is not really what Islam teaches. And you need to lead by example and not crave luxuries yourself.
Wassalam.
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