Don't wanna get married

[Islamic Sister]

Okay so this may sound really weird. Love the whole marriage have kids thing. But it is such a big step and sometimes when I think of it, it is actually really SCARY! There is so much expected of you and from you. Because of this I actually don't want to get married and have kids anymore. I understand that it is the Sunnah of the Prophet (PBUH) and it is highly recommended but is it sinful if you decide not to?

Jazakallah

[hkrespect]

the alternative? a life of loneliness? is that not scarier? missing out on motherhood? is that not daunting?

i don't know?

[Islamic Sister]

the alternative? a life of loneliness? is that not scarier? missing out on motherhood? is that not daunting?

i don't know?

I get ur point....but they are both as scary as eachother! 4 me anyway! Any way is it haraam or not?

[Abandoned-Mind]

I get ur point....but they are both as scary as eachother! 4 me anyway! Any way is it haraam or not?

IslamQA.com - try there.

You can't even party while your single in Islaam.. why remain single?

Find some effeminate man who you can keep under thumb and so on, then you got nothing to fear.

There a few on this board.

[sis_niqabi]

Is it obligatory for a woman to get married?

Question:
Is it obligatory for a woman to get married?

Answer:

Praise be to Allaah.

In response to your question, we will look briefly at what some of the Muslim fuqahaa’ have written on this topic. In Mawaahib al-Jaleel it was said: “Marriage is obligatory for a woman who is unable to feed or clothe herself unless she gets married.” In al-Sharh al-Kabeer, concerning obligatory marriage it says: “If a person fears that he may commit fornication, it (marriage) is obligatory on him.” In Fath al-Wahhaab, it says: “For the woman who has (physical) desires, marriage is sunnah, just as it is for the one who needs maintenance and the one who fears being taken advantage of by immoral persons.”

In Mughni al-Muhtaaj, it says: “(Marriage) becomes waajib (obligatory) if a person fears fornication… And it was said that it becomes obligatory if a person has made a vow (nadhr) to get married.” Then concerning the ruling with regard to women: “If she needs to get married, i.e., she has physical desires, or needs maintenance, or she is afraid that immoral people may take advantage of her… it is preferable (mustahabb) for her to get married, because this will protect her religion and her chastity, and she can enjoy what her husband spends on her, and other advantages.”

Ibn Qudaamah (may Allaah have mercy on him) said in his book al-Mughni: “Our colleagues differed as to whether marriage is obligatory. The best-known opinion in our madhhab is that it is not obligatory, except when a person is afraid of committing a forbidden deed if he does not marry. In that case he should make himself chaste (i.e. get married). This is the opinion of the majority of fuqahaa’.”

When it comes to marriage, people are of three types, one of which is those who fear that they may commit forbidden deeds if they do not get married. It is obligatory for such people to get married, according to the majority of fuqahaa’, because it is obligatory for them to make themselves chaste and protect themselves from haraam. In Subul al-Salaam it says: “Ibn Daqeeq al-‘Eed said that some of the fuqahaa’ said that marriage is obligatory for the one who fears sin or hardship (because of suppressing physical desires) and is able to marry… and it is obligatory for the one who cannot avoid fornication unless he gets married.”

In Badaa’i’ al-Sanaa’i’, it says: “There is no dispute that marriage is an obligation when desire is strong. If a person has such a strong desire for women that he cannot be patient, and he can afford to pay the mahr (dowry) and support a wife, then if he does not get married, he is a sinner.”

From the above discussion, we can see a number of situations in which marriage is obligatory. You might ask: “How can we imagine a woman fulfilling this obligation when usually it is the man who goes around knocking on doors looking for a partner? This is not the woman’s role.” The answer is: what a woman can do to fulfil this command is not to refuse marriage when a suitable, compatible man comes with an offer of marriage.

Muslim women and men need to understand the high status which marriage has in Islam, so that they will be more keen to marry. There follows a useful summary on this topic by Imaam Ibn Qudaamah al-Maqdisi (may Allaah have mercy on him), from his book al-Mughni:

The basis of the legitimacy of marriage is the Qur’aan, Sunnah and ijmaa’ (consensus of the scholars). In the Qur’aan, Allaah says (interpretation of the meanings): ‘… marry women of your choice, two or three, or four…’ [al-Nisaa’ 4:3] and ‘And marry those among you who are single and (also marry) the saalihoon (pious, fit and capable ones) of your (male) slaves and maid-servants (female slaves)…’ [al-Noor 24:32]. The Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) said: “O young men! Whoever among you can afford it, let him get married, for this will lower his gaze and protect his chastity. Whoever cannot (get married), then let him fast, for fasting will be a protection for him.” (Agreed upon). There are many other ayaat and reports like these. The Muslims agree that marriage is legitimate.

Ibn Mas’ood said: “If I only had ten days left to live, and I knew that I would die at the end of them, and I was able to get married, I would do so, for fear of fitnah (temptation).”

Ibn ‘Abbaas said to Sa’eed ibn Jubayr: “Get married, for the best of this ummah are those who have more wives.” Ibraaheem ibn Maysarah said: “Taawoos said to me: ‘Either you get married, or I will say to you what ‘Umar said to Abu’l-Zawaa’id: There is nothing stopping you from getting married but either impotence or immorality!’ According to al-Mirwadhi, Ahmad said: ‘Celibacy has nothing to do with Islam. Whoever calls you not to get married is calling you to something other than Islam.’”

Then he said (may Allaah have mercy on him):

The benefits of marriage are many. They include: protecting one’s religion and helping one to adhere to it; protecting and taking care of women; and producing offspring and increasing the ranks of the ummah, thus achieving the pride of the Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him), etc. [Translator’s note: there is a hadeeth which indicates that the Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) will feel proud of the large numbers of his ummah in the Hereaster, so Muslims are encouraged to marry and have many children.]

It should now be clear that the benefits of marriage are many. No wise Muslim woman would hesitate to get married, especially if an offer of marriage comes from a person who is strongly committed to Islam and is possessed of a good character and morals.

Islam Q&A
Sheikh Muhammed Salih Al-Munajjid

http://islam-qa.com/index.php?ref=1665&ln=eng

[sis_niqabi]

salam

ukhti you should strive and get married to a righteous man and have kids. getting married is half of the deen. do you really want to be 70 years old never married,alone because you don't have kids. and you'll just be in a house alone with like 30 cats because they keep you company.

that's not a good way to spend your last years on earth is it?

[brjimc]

Okay so this may sound really weird. Love the whole marriage have kids thing. But it is such a big step and sometimes when I think of it, it is actually really SCARY! There is so much expected of you and from you. Because of this I actually don't want to get married and have kids anymore. I understand that it is the Sunnah of the Prophet (PBUH) and it is highly recommended but is it sinful if you decide not to?

Jazakallah

Everyone is ready in their own time. ;)

[Arrakis]

Well it's preferred but not obligatory for you to get married, having been there and done that, yet still in my prime I have NO interest in marriage again.

Rather the life of loneliness, where I am my own boss, than back to being obediant to someone far beneath me in intelligence or kindness.

It's totally up to you. Some guy on this thread said "you can't party or anything so why not get married" lol, what on earth does partying whilst single have to do with anything?

[Islamic Sister]

"being obediant to someone far beneath me in intelligence or kindness."



See thats what scares me!!!!!

[ammarcool]

take it easy sister! when time comes it will get ok! be positive! Its one of the guard against SHAITAAN. so we have to beware of him!

[sis_niqabi]

"being obediant to someone far beneath me in intelligence or kindness."



See thats what scares me!!!!!

ukhti don't listen such negative comments. marriage is not like that. marriage is a partnership. not every man is going not every man is going to treat their wife like a second class citizen. most men treat their wives with kindness and treat them like a Queen.

[brjimc]

Rather the life of loneliness, where I am my own boss, than back to being obediant to someone far beneath me in intelligence or kindness.


If a mariage has to be broken down into one spouse being "obedient" to another, meaning servitude, then the marriage has ended. When the Quran says "obedient" in English it is an inaccurate word, it doesn't mean that the wife serves the whims of the husband.

[LiveIslam]

"And among His Signs is this, that He created for you mates from among yourselves, that ye may dwell in tranquillity with them, and He has put love and mercy between your (hearts): verily in that are Signs for those who reflect."

Ar-Room, Chapter 30 (http://www.searchtruth.com/chapter_display.php?chapter=30&translator=2), Verse 21 (http://www.searchtruth.com/chapter_display.php?chapter=30&translator=2#21)

[SisterIslam]

Didn't the prophet (saw) say that marriage is his tradition and whoever abandons it has.................? Didn't he (saw) also tell us to have lots of children? We must hear and obey.

[LiveIslam]

"being obediant to someone far beneath me in intelligence or kindness."



See thats what scares me!!!!!

"O mankind! We created you from a single (pair) of a male and a female, and made you into nations and tribes, that ye may know each other (not that ye may despise (each other). Verily the most honoured of you in the sight of Allah is (he who is) the most righteous of you. And Allah has full knowledge and is well acquainted (with all things)."

Al-Hujraat, Chapter 49 (http://www.searchtruth.com/chapter_display.php?chapter=49&translator=2), Verse 13 (http://www.searchtruth.com/chapter_display.php?chapter=49&translator=2#13)

[Abandoned-Mind]

It's totally up to you. Some guy on this thread said "you can't party or anything so why not get married" lol, what on earth does partying whilst single have to do with anything?

I don't know, single life is good if its you and 'being single'. (going out etc), you and the needle, you and the bottle or you and the car etc... but just you...

Divorced... going to go through the Ummah till I find Ms 'Right', then ruin her by making her Mrs Wrong.

[ibn suleman]

mankind by nature needs companionship

it may be cos you're not ready..insha'allah when the time is right, u may feel different...

[sunrise]

salam

ukhti you should strive and get married to a righteous man and have kids. getting married is half of the deen. do you really want to be 70 years old never married,alone because you don't have kids. and you'll just be in a house alone with like 30 cats because they keep you company.

that's not a good way to spend your last years on earth is it?

It's all good when it works out alhamdulilah, but i think what might be this sisters concerns and those of many others are

what happens if i get married, he isn't what i thought he was going to be cracked up to be, doesn't make me happy doesn't support me in my deen infact brings me more misery than joy...when i can just not get married and have less hassle and stress


i guess it's up to us as individuals to try our best to be good people inshAllah and look for the right kind of person...not to be too ambitious and inshAllah try to focus on the good rather than the bad and have a strong and healhty relationship with Allah SWT because only he knows what's in our hearts and what is best and good for us...and do our best in the way of getting a good 'other half' but of course Allah is the decreer

it's a bit like that hadith (paraphrasing)

when there was a man who left his camel i believe it was outside a masjid without tying it up and Rassol Allah (pbuh) asked him why is he doing this?

he said Allah SWT will protect it, and Rasool Allah's response was no you tie it up and then Allah will protect it inshAllah

so ya3nee we must put effort and leave the rest in Allah SWT hands

like an exam we can't not even open the book and not even know the modules we are doing and expect to pass with flying colours....we study try and inshAllah will Allah's grace we will get what's best for us

so anyways inshAllah, Marriage is recommended highly in Islam so many ahadith of it's importance and being half of one's deen etc

so it's an undeniable fact that one would be missing out if they left it or deicded to stay clear of it.

[Zesty]

Sis its natural to be scared of the whole thing- youre concerned about finding the right person, about him treating you well, about being able to handle the responsibilities etc- but inshaAllah Allah (swt) will make it easy for you. We are all in need of companionship- its our natural fitrah and its only Shiataan who is whispering these thoughts to you. Dont over think it, inshaAllah when the time is right for you- you do things your way.

[zammy]

Okay so this may sound really weird. Love the whole marriage have kids thing. But it is such a big step and sometimes when I think of it, it is actually really SCARY! There is so much expected of you and from you. Because of this I actually don't want to get married and have kids anymore. I understand that it is the Sunnah of the Prophet (PBUH) and it is highly recommended but is it sinful if you decide not to?

Jazakallah

walaal your somali.. I don't think your parents will even let you stay single :rotfl:

But I know what you mean; marriage sounds kinda scary when u really think about it... how will I stand seeing the same person every day for the rest of my life? :eek3:

[Chained_Water]

Do i need to know you? You posted on a public forum in a public thread for the world to see, your comment basically says "men are dumb and devoid of kindness", and then i'm the one in the wrong for saying something? :rolleyes:
Bro I think you are missing the point. She is right this is a problem. It is extremely testing, difficult and frustrating to be "beneath" someone who you don't look up to and respect because you think actually you could do better than them. If they aren't on your level or higher intellectually and in terms of deen that would be very difficult for a wife. It's like if your boss at work was an incompetent bimbo wouldn't it drive you nuts?

With the husbands role being that of the head of the household and so on, with him having the right of obedience over the wife and the extra responsibilities of providing and protecting it would be much better that between themselves, he is on the same level as her or above... basically his personality and so on needs to command that respect naturally innit.

So instead of getting all indignant about it and thinking she is saying all guys are dumb.. better advice would be to find a potential spouse who you do look up to and respect and think is better than you in whatever you feel is important: deen/"intelligence" whatever.. typically that way it will go more smoothly in obeying him and getting on with him.. of course there are exceptions.

[miss.r]

Okay so this may sound really weird. Love the whole marriage have kids thing. But it is such a big step and sometimes when I think of it, it is actually really SCARY! There is so much expected of you and from you. Because of this I actually don't want to get married and have kids anymore. I understand that it is the Sunnah of the Prophet (PBUH) and it is highly recommended but is it sinful if you decide not to?

Jazakallah

yes i too feel the same way plus....... staying with a stranger (he will b a stranger in the beginning ofcourse) . ur whole life ur though the mehram n non-mehram thing, n no touchy touchy stuff but den u r married to a stranger n den ...uhmm uhmm u know wht i mean.

plus after marriage u r no longer free, i mean one looses his/ her liberty.

plus all those expectations n added responsibiliteis...uffff

doest it seem safe to remain single den???:confused:

[sis_niqabi]

yes i too feel the same way plus....... staying with a stranger (he will b a stranger in the beginning of course) . ur whole life ur though the mehram n non-mehram thing, n no touchy touchy stuff but den u r married to a stranger n den ...uhmm uhmm u know wht i mean.

plus after marriage u r no longer free, i mean one looses his/ her liberty.

plus all those expectations n added responsibilities...uffff

doest it seem safe to remain single den???:confused:

i think it's matter of maturity. if someone is not mature enough to handle the reputability if marriage then perhaps they should get married until they have matured enough to handle such a huge responsibility.

i know marriage sounds scary. even the thought of it makes me scared sometimes. but marriage is something that is a blessing and is subscribed by our prophet Muhammad (pbuh).

and who says you lose liberty when you get married? i know some sisters who got more freedoms when they got married (due to strict parents they had, were not allowed to do a lot). so you may marry a man who give you more freedom than living under your parents roof.


and oh yes being in a house with a strange man does kinda scare me. i think i might hide in a closet for like the first few weeks so i could hide from him :nervous:


May Allah give us all righteous husbands. Ameen

[Pro_Candy]

Marriage can be scary, really, esp if you've been a bit sheltered from strange men your whole life. Thinking about having to listen to someone, share with someone, be intimate with someone, it sounds daunting.

But on the other hand, if you marry the right guy (and inshaAllah you will one day), it can be an incredible experience. You will listen to him and his opinions and his speaking because you will respect him and grow to love him, and he will feel the same toward you. You will be happy, honoured, to share your life with him because he will be good to you, and you to him, and you will play, laugh, share your sorrows and fears and exitement, goals and achievements with eachother. Being intimate with him will be a pleasure because he will not push you into something you're afraid of. You will find yourself looking forward to just a simple touch from his hand to yours.

Marriage can be a beautiful thing, Sis. It will have it's ups and downs, as everything in life. But facing this world and all life throws at you, would be much better if you have someone by your side, than to try and go it alone.

[Khadija222333]

But I know what you mean; marriage sounds kinda scary when u really think about it... how will I stand seeing the same person every day for the rest of my life? :eek3:

Nothing wrong with seeing the same person everyday. ;) I'm used to it. :rolleyes:

If I had seen this thread a month ago I would've been the first one to agree with the thread creator. :rotfl: :o :outta:

[niqaabi_muslima]

Marriage can be scary, really, esp if you've been a bit sheltered from strange men your whole life. Thinking about having to listen to someone, share with someone, be intimate with someone, it sounds daunting.

But on the other hand, if you marry the right guy (and inshaAllah you will one day), it can be an incredible experience. You will listen to him and his opinions and his speaking because you will respect him and grow to love him, and he will feel the same toward you. You will be happy, honoured, to share your life with him because he will be good to you, and you to him, and you will play, laugh, share your sorrows and fears and exitement, goals and achievements with eachother. Being intimate with him will be a pleasure because he will not push you into something you're afraid of. You will find yourself looking forward to just a simple touch from his hand to yours.


Marriage can be a beautiful thing, Sis. It will have it's ups and downs, as everything in life. But facing this world and all life throws at you, would be much better if you have someone by your side, than to try and go it alone.


:up: Yep i agree with this post :)

[Kal-El]

Okay so this may sound really weird. Love the whole marriage have kids thing. But it is such a big step and sometimes when I think of it, it is actually really SCARY! There is so much expected of you and from you. Because of this I actually don't want to get married and have kids anymore. I understand that it is the Sunnah of the Prophet (PBUH) and it is highly recommended but is it sinful if you decide not to?

Jazakallah

Wow we're getting more and more Somali members on the board :D I'm Somali too by the way if you're wondering, and I understand what you mean. There are alot of guys and girls in our culture, and every culture, that are afraid of marriage because of the jump they make from being what they'd describe as "themselves" as they are now, and then becoming a mother/father the next moment.

Well, you have to look at it from this context of view. Firstly, in our culture it seems that the concept of marriage is quite liberal in regards to how you meet your potential husband/wife - i know mothers who'd be more than happy for their daughter/son to bring someone home one day for a meal to sorta "meet the parents" kinda thing and so I think you'll get enough emotional support from making the transition. It's not like one day you're in a bedroom on the phone to a friend then the next day you're a bride and you have a camera man trying to capture the frown on your face and fear in your eyes all on tape! Although..wait..ok that happens alot but I promise it won't all happen in just a day :D

Maybe one day you'll come across someone and when you do, you will want to be with them. That's all marriage is at first, being with that person you want to be with. As the months go on, your bond with them can grow and then nature takes course and you'll love your child.

It's silly to associate your one fear of having the responsibility of a child, to entirely dismiss the chance of getting married yourself. There are loads of other things to look forward to, why not associate those positives with this? You don't even know if you can have children or when you'll have children. Some couples have tried for years, and they only have one or two children and others seem to pop them out every 9 months. Regardless of which one you'll end up being, I assure you'll be more than fine with it.

I mean, come on, how many women who are pregnant hate that they have a child inside them - they're child? They're either excited or worried at how good of a parent they'll be, if they'll cope but that's natural. We're all afraid of what we don't understand or when we're given responsibility.

We have a poster here on this section who is so afraid asking this girl to marry him that it'll probably take him years to do so! And we have some here who have proposals but don't know how to respond to them, they could take a long time aswell. It's not that they want to be alone in their life'; they're just frightened if they're ready or not.

I say, get married if you meet the right person. Then whatever happens next, is nature and you'll naturally embrace it.

[Desipower]

Okay so this may sound really weird. Love the whole marriage have kids thing. But it is such a big step and sometimes when I think of it, it is actually really SCARY! There is so much expected of you and from you. Because of this I actually don't want to get married and have kids anymore. I understand that it is the Sunnah of the Prophet (PBUH) and it is highly recommended but is it sinful if you decide not to?

Jazakallah


There were two sahabas, one said he will fast all the time and never stop and other said he will never get married and focus on ebadaah only and pray at night. When the prophet (saws) heard this, he called them to him and said. I fast and break my fast, I get married and sleep at night. This is my sunnah, whoever doesn't follow it, isn't one of us.

And a few things to point out from sis_niqabi's post from islamqa...





In Mughni al-Muhtaaj, it says: “(Marriage) becomes waajib (obligatory) if a person fears fornication… And it was said that it becomes obligatory if a person has made a vow (nadhr) to get married.” Then concerning the ruling with regard to women: “If she needs to get married, i.e., she has physical desires, or needs maintenance, or she is afraid that immoral people may take advantage of her… it is preferable (mustahabb) for her to get married, because this will protect her religion and her chastity, and she can enjoy what her husband spends on her, and other advantages.”

When it comes to marriage, people are of three types, one of which is those who fear that they may commit forbidden deeds if they do not get married. It is obligatory for such people to get married, according to the majority of fuqahaa’, because it is obligatory for them to make themselves chaste and protect themselves from haraam. In Subul al-Salaam it says: “Ibn Daqeeq al-‘Eed said that some of the fuqahaa’ said that marriage is obligatory for the one who fears sin or hardship (because of suppressing physical desires) and is able to marry… and it is obligatory for the one who cannot avoid fornication unless he gets married.”


Then he said (may Allaah have mercy on him):

The benefits of marriage are many. They include: protecting one’s religion and helping one to adhere to it; protecting and taking care of women; and producing offspring and increasing the ranks of the ummah, thus achieving the pride of the Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him), etc. [Translator’s note: there is a hadeeth which indicates that the Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) will feel proud of the large numbers of his ummah in the Hereaster, so Muslims are encouraged to marry and have many children.]

It should now be clear that the benefits of marriage are many. No wise Muslim woman would hesitate to get married, especially if an offer of marriage comes from a person who is strongly committed to Islam and is possessed of a good character and morals.

Islam Q&A
Sheikh Muhammed Salih Al-Munajjid

http://islam-qa.com/index.php?ref=1665&ln=eng

also, your parents won't be around to support you forever, nor will your siblings who will get married and start their own feelings. You can work all your life to support yourself but then you will have hard time being single. No one to look after you when you're ill, no mahram to go with you to hajj or travel or go where you need a mahram with you. No one to walk with at night when you're scared, no one to comfort and protect at your weak moments.

You may be young, but lets face it sis. Life is no walk in the park, it's a tough world out there and we need somebody to hold our hand and walk with us, to give us support and strength, and advice when needed so that we are not led astray by shaytan.

yes i too feel the same way plus....... staying with a stranger (he will b a stranger in the beginning ofcourse) . ur whole life ur though the mehram n non-mehram thing, n no touchy touchy stuff but den u r married to a stranger n den ...uhmm uhmm u know wht i mean.

plus after marriage u r no longer free, i mean one looses his/ her liberty.

plus all those expectations n added responsibiliteis...uffff

doest it seem safe to remain single den???:confused:

That is the stupid and cultural way to do it. Live all your life at your home and then go to a stranger's home and his bedroom all of a sudden. In fact, in many muslim countries it is even shameful for the wife to be and groom to be even talk to each other. You are allowed to talk to him (in the presence of your mahram) and get to know him to a level you feel comfortable and then go with the marriage.

If you plan to go party at night, have a girls night out, wear questionable clothing and do questionable things, then yea you will loose that liberty of yours. If you see him as you see your father (Amir of the house), then you won't be talking such none sense. Oh and if he's a cutlural guy, then yea you might loose your "liberty" till you educate him (and/or yourself) about islam.

Life is about responsibilities, you loose one and you gain another. If your not mature enough to take them on, then wait till you're older.

Did I say I was?...I was qoutin the fact that that someone who is mean and cruel is why marriage is scary...I'm no genius I'm no angel, I'm just looking 4 answers so if u don't know them dont answer!

Bro Abu Musab wasn't talking to you sis, he was talking to the person how posted....

Well it's preferred but not obligatory for you to get married, having been there and done that, yet still in my prime I have NO interest in marriage again.

Rather the life of loneliness, where I am my own boss, than back to being obediant to someone far beneath me in intelligence or kindness.



No one is forcing you to marry anyone "beneath" you, plenty of fish in the sea. You can marry a religious guy who will be your Amir and you have to obey him as required by Islam, or you can marry some totally non-practicing guy who could care less what you wear outside or who you flirt with, then you can be your own boss all you want.

[Arrakis]

No one is forcing you to marry anyone "beneath" you, plenty of fish in the sea. You can marry a religious guy who will be your Amir and you have to obey him as required by Islam, or you can marry some totally non-practicing guy who could care less what you wear outside or who you flirt with, then you can be your own boss all you want.

Or the third option, NOT marry anyone, and be my own boss without being a flirt and wearing modest clothing. :rolleyes:

Always the same tired comeback.

Is that how you see yourself then? as a flirt deep down who needs an amir to be obediant to, otherwise her natural flirtatiousness will come out, and you will wear mini skirts etc? Because I see myself as having a better level of control than that.

[miss.r]

It should now be clear that the benefits of marriage are many. No wise Muslim woman would hesitate to get married, especially if an offer of marriage comes from a person who is strongly committed to Islam and is possessed of a good character and morals
@)@)@)

oh boy!!! this particular line....why God why???????????????:rubeyes:

[Islamic Sister]

Marriage can be scary, really, esp if you've been a bit sheltered from strange men your whole life. Thinking about having to listen to someone, share with someone, be intimate with someone, it sounds daunting.

But on the other hand, if you marry the right guy (and inshaAllah you will one day), it can be an incredible experience. You will listen to him and his opinions and his speaking because you will respect him and grow to love him, and he will feel the same toward you. You will be happy, honoured, to share your life with him because he will be good to you, and you to him, and you will play, laugh, share your sorrows and fears and exitement, goals and achievements with eachother. Being intimate with him will be a pleasure because he will not push you into something you're afraid of. You will find yourself looking forward to just a simple touch from his hand to yours.

Marriage can be a beautiful thing, Sis. It will have it's ups and downs, as everything in life. But facing this world and all life throws at you, would be much better if you have someone by your side, than to try and go it alone.



Thanks for the advice....

[Stylish-Girly]

Okay so this may sound really weird. Love the whole marriage have kids thing. But it is such a big step and sometimes when I think of it, it is actually really SCARY! There is so much expected of you and from you. Because of this I actually don't want to get married and have kids anymore. I understand that it is the Sunnah of the Prophet (PBUH) and it is highly recommended but is it sinful if you decide not to?

Jazakallah

You're not alone, don worry

[miss.r]

Originally posted by DesiPower.
That is the stupid and cultural way to do it. Live all your life at your home and then go to a stranger's home and his bedroom all of a sudden. In fact, in many muslim countries it is even shameful for the wife to be and groom to be even talk to each other. You are allowed to talk to him (in the presence of your mahram) and get to know him to a level you feel comfortable and then go with the marriage.

If you plan to go party at night, have a girls night out, wear questionable clothing and do questionable things, then yea you will loose that liberty of yours. If you see him as you see your father (Amir of the house), then you won't be talking such none sense. Oh and if he's a cutlural guy, then yea you might loose your "liberty" till you educate him (and/or yourself) about islam.

Life is about responsibilities, you loose one and you gain another. If your not mature enough to take them on, then wait till you're older.

how i wish tht it would be as easy as u said.
to talk to him in front of mahrams would b a lil ..........ehmm......:o
but yet till date seems the best idea without breaking any rules n i hope ppl do use this idea but seldom does this happen

If you plan to go party at night, have a girls night out, wear questionable clothing and do questionable things, then yea you will loose that liberty of yours. If you see him as you see your father (Amir of the house), then you won't be talking such none sense. Oh and if he's a cutlural guy, then yea you might loose your "liberty" till you educate him (and/or yourself) about islam.

:smack: i dont know when a grl talks abt freedom why do ppl think in tht direction.
i meant freedom of ......mmmm..... like visiting ummah forums regularly.
having ur own leisure time.
getting up a lil late. n after marriage u should always co-ordinate with ur hubby m not saying tht is wrong but some time one has to compromise n if u r not tht lucky then u end up being tht compromising person.
n i guess nothing which i mentioned here is unislamic.

Life is about responsibilities, you loose one and you gain another. If your not mature enough to take them on, then wait till you're older.

i guess this is rather unislamic. a grl cant wait untill she is older.
especially if an offer of marriage comes from a person who is strongly committed to Islam and is possessed of a good character and morals .

Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) said to the young men: “O young men, whoever among you can afford to get married, let him do so, for it is more effective in lowering the gaze and in guarding one’s chastity. Whoever cannot afford that, then he should fast, for that will be a shield for him.” Narrated by al-Bukhaari, 5065; Muslim, 1400.

[Ahmadinejad]

Once you find the right girl, your fears will disappear. Its like being scared of swimming before you see how shallow the water is.

May Allah guide you into finding a good woman and may he give you many healthy children. So stop being a chicken and go for it! :)

[insomniac]

maybe it's a question of age sis?

when people are younger the idea of marriage and responsibility is kinda :nervous: but as you get older you can see that responsibility and husbands aren't really all that bad, don't let the few scary comments make you wana miss out on marriage.

Insha'Allaah your thoughts will change with time :)

[miss.r]

maybe it's a question of age sis?

when people are younger the idea of marriage and responsibility is kinda :nervous: but as you get older you can see that responsibility and husbands aren't really all that bad, don't let the few scary comments make you wana miss out on marriage.

Insha'Allaah your thoughts will change with time :)

InshAllah............................:o

[fisabilllillah]

Marriage can be scary, really, esp if you've been a bit sheltered from strange men your whole life. Thinking about having to listen to someone, share with someone, be intimate with someone, it sounds daunting.

But on the other hand, if you marry the right guy (and inshaAllah you will one day), it can be an incredible experience. You will listen to him and his opinions and his speaking because you will respect him and grow to love him, and he will feel the same toward you. You will be happy, honoured, to share your life with him because he will be good to you, and you to him, and you will play, laugh, share your sorrows and fears and exitement, goals and achievements with eachother. Being intimate with him will be a pleasure because he will not push you into something you're afraid of. You will find yourself looking forward to just a simple touch from his hand to yours.

Marriage can be a beautiful thing, Sis. It will have it's ups and downs, as everything in life. But facing this world and all life throws at you, would be much better if you have someone by your side, than to try and go it alone.


sahhhhhh.....everything is in allah's hands..this is why marriage is half your deen. The biggest test in your life, and your partner has to stand right by your side. Marriage is about sacrifise, you literally give evrything to the one you love and you are a garment for one another. Marriage is trust, you need him as much as he needs you. But to maintain this, couples have to turn to Allah and obey him and to have tawakal in allah, and fear him. Always Make dua for a pious husband/wife. Pious husband/wife is the the best resource in this life and the akhirah. If you choose a pious husband/wife, you know you can trust this person and depned on him, and u will never hesitate because of him. It is all qadr of allah.....i pray all my bros and sis have pious partners ameen...But subhanallah just looka the stories of our mothers in islam...umm-Habibah RA, we learn whatever happens,qadr allah. Dont anticipate the worst sis but pray for the best and be prepared for the tests. May Allah honour us, the women of islam like umm habibah was honoured, she married out of fear of allah, and at the end through patience she was rightfully honoured and rewarded as our mother and the wife of rasoolallah saw.

[fisabilllillah]

salam

ukhti you should strive and get married to a righteous man and have kids. getting married is half of the deen. do you really want to be 70 years old never married,alone because you don't have kids. and you'll just be in a house alone with like 30 cats because they keep you company.

that's not a good way to spend your last years on earth is it?

that reminds me of a scary movie loooool:hidban: back in the former days

[Kubs]

There there....a time will come when you would actually LOOK FORWARD to getting married. No need to worry. :p

The important thing is to get married at the RIGHT time - don't pressure yourself and don't marry the first man that comes along.