compatibility/freedom and desires in marriage decisions

[THE PATH 2]

KAFA'AH (SUITABILITY AND COMPATIBILITY) IN NIKAH
A healthy marital life coupled with a good relationship make up the prime objects of Nikah. That is only possible when natural inclinations and backgrounds are shared (by both spouses). In the absence of such unity, living together successfully, despite great effort is indeed difficult, as attested to by many marital breakdowns due to non-compatibility.

Certain actions and situations elicit different responses from persons of differing backgrounds and nature. For this reason, the Shari’ah has considered Kafaa’at (suitability and compatibility) between spouses necessary.


http://www.alinaam.org.za/library/kafaat.htm

[`asiya]

The only criterion for compatability is deen.

Question:

I would like to ask for your advice, I am a br. who prays believes in allah prays 5 times a day, fasts in ramadan and converted to islam over 5 years ago. I am looking to get married, however on meeting the sr. that I like, I am finding out that since her family is from another Race and because of this they will not accept me as her husband. She is a practising muslimah from an Indian/asian/pakistani/bengali type of background, and it is typical of people of these background never to let their children (especially girls) to marry outside their own cultures even if the one proposing is a practising muslim man.

Hence the mariage cannot take place on this basis alone. Since the majority of practising muslims in this country are from the indian subcontinent background,I have two questions

1- how does a relative new-comer such as my self get married?
2- Should reverts only marry reverts? Is there any basis for such cultural separation in islam? .

Answer:
Praise be to Allaah.

With regard to the first question, and the second, as soon as you entered Islam you became one of the Muslims, with the same rights and duties as they have. Based on that, then you may strive to guard your chastity by marrying any good and righteous woman, based on the words of the Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) [regarding looking for a wife], “Look for the one who is religiously-committed, may your hands be rubbed with dust (i.e., may you prosper)!”

Narrated by al-Bukhaari, 5090; Muslim, 1466) – whether she is also new in Islam (i.e., a convert) or not. What matters is that she should be righteous, as I mentioned.

Then if you propose marriage to a righteous woman, and she or her family do not agree, then you must be patient and continue looking, whilst also continuing to pray that Allaah will make it easy for you to find a righteous woman who can help you to obey your Lord.

Secondly, with regard to the discrimination that you mention, Allaah says (interpretation of the meaning):

“O mankind! We have created you from a male and a female, and made you into nations and tribes, that you may know one another. Verily, the most honourable of you with Allaah is that (believer) who has At-Taqwa ”

[al-Hujuraat 49:13]

The Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) said: “O you who believe, verily your Lord is One, and your father [Adam] is one. There is no superiority of an Arab over a non-Arab or of a non-Arab over an Arab, or of a red man over a black man or of a black man over a red man, except in terms of taqwa (piety). Have I conveyed (the message)?” They said: “The Messenger of Allaah (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) has conveyed (the message).”

(Narrated by Ahmad, 5/411; classed as saheeh by al-Albaani in Ghaayat al-Maraam, 313; it was also narrated from Shaykh al-Islam Ibn Taymiyah that its isnaad is saheeh, in al-Iqtidaa’, 69).

According to another hadeeth, the Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) said: “Those who boast about their forefathers should desist or they will be less significant before Allaah than the beetle that rolls up the dung with its nose. Allaah has taken away from you the arrogance of Jaahiliyyah and its pride in forefathers, so a person is either a pious believer or a doomed evildoer. All the people are the children of Adam and Adam was created from dust.”

(Narrated by al-Tirmidhi, 3890; classed as hasan by al-Albaani in Saheeh Sunan al-Tirmidhi, no. 3100; and in Ghaayat al-Maraam, 312, it was said that al-Tirmidhi and Shaykh al-Islam Ibn Taymiyah classed it as saheeh).

The dung beetle is a black bug that rolls up excrement.

[I]Hence it should become clear to you that Islam does not discriminate between one Muslim and another by any earthly standards, whether that be colour, lineage, wealth or country. Rather the only criterion by which people are regarded as superior to others before Allaah is taqwa (piety, consciousness of Allaah).

Indeed, the sharee’ah commands the guardian of a woman, if a person comes to propose marriage who is religiously-committed and of good character and attitude, to hasten to arrange the marriage, and to beware of rejecting him and not accepting him, as the Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) said:

“If there comes to you one with whose religious commitment and character you are pleased, then marry your daughter [or female relative under your care] to him, for if you do not do that then there will be much tribulation and mischief in the land.” They said, “O Messenger of Allaah, what if there is some other objection?” He said, “If there comes to you one with whose religious commitment and character you are pleased, then marry your daughter [or female relative under your care] to him,” three times.

Narrated by al-Tirmidhi; classed as hasan by al-Albaani in Saheeh Sunan al-Tirmidhi, 866

See the answer to question no. 13993.

We ask Allaah to make it easy for you to marry a woman who will help you to obey your Lord.

And Allaah knows best.

Islam Q&A

[THE PATH 2]

COMPATIBILITY ISSUES are a reality

marriages that seem "doomed"..work because the couple click

marriages that are arranged by relatives co they all want it even the couple..sometimes dont work...they find they were incompatible..eventually




This (above) also clarifies the misconception that with regards to non-Arabs, the Fuqahaa (Jurists) have considered a new Muslim as non-Kufu’ of one who is Qadeemul Islam (old Muslim). By this, it seems that new Muslims are unable to marry, since they are non-Kufu’ to those who are Qadeemul Islam (old Muslim). The answer is apparent, that there is no general prohibition in marriage to a non-Kuf’, rather the condition is that both the female as well as her guardian grant her consent. Concerning the marriage of new Muslims, it should be borne in mind that no shame should be attached to this. Marriage with them should be done happily and without reservation

http://www.alinaam.org.za/library/kafaat.htm