Desire To Marry Reverts

[Kal-El]

Usually when we're asked about a potential husband or wife we talk about out the characteristics or features we'd like in them; as you can see in some of the threads here alone. However, recently I've come across people over the net expressing a specific desire to marry a revert.

This struck me as odd, not in the sense that they wanted to marry reverts (I'm not encouraging the opposite please do not misunderstand me) but when you expect someone to list the characteristics or what they'd want in a wife/husband, they instead reply that they want a revert. I'm very liberal to the subject of marriage, I'd let my daughter marry a Muslim from China or from Mars, don't matter to me as long as hes a good Muslim man so I don't hold cultural bias as many meet through their lives, particularly the elderly factions of their families. But what do people find so particularly intriguing/attractive in wanting specifically a revert?

Is it based on physical attraction, is it the cultural differences and the background differences which fuel the fascination? Is it wanting to be around someone whom themselves been guided to Islam, and thus want that spiritual aurora to influence them aswell?

What is it exactly..

[Abu Mu'adh]

A few friends of mine are really keen on marrying reverts (especially recently reverted), when I asked one of them why so, he replied, 'because I can mould her to how I want her to be'.

[Nazias]

A few friends of mine are really keen on marrying reverts (especially recently reverted), when I asked one of them why so, he replied, 'because I can mould her to how I want her to be'.

:rubeyes:

[leela]

A few friends of mine are really keen on marrying reverts (especially recently reverted), when I asked one of them why so, he replied, 'because I can mould her to how I want her to be'.

That doesn't make much sense. Why not marry someone he's already compatible with? When a person reverts their personalities aren't erased, just their sins.

[`asiya]

A few friends of mine are really keen on marrying reverts (especially recently reverted), when I asked one of them why so, he replied, 'because I can mould her to how I want her to be'.

:rubeyes: thats scary ...

[Sabr&Shukr]

Salaams

I am a revert and my husband will tell you that being married to a revert is not always easy - basically because of the family. The In-Laws can be difficult in an muslim family to deal with but in my case, they are non-muslim. This can cause problems - questions, misunderstandings, misconceptions, even resentment between in-laws and husband( or wife). Not to mention things like Christmas - manouvering around that without offending anyone, mainting good family relations, giving good impression of Islam and also of course not doing anything UnIslamic - well, after 3 years we still find it hard! You have to learn tact and patience in abundace. And then there's easter... issues such as alcohol, hijab, future children, money .....

Basically what I am saying is that marrying a revert may be thought of as nice in some ways cos people think we dont come with any cultural traits - but we still have a culture of our families to deal with and its not for the faint-hearted!

people should marry who is a good muslim and a good match for them - if thats a revert thats great but if its not that great too. Whatever Allah swt Wills.

Waslaams

[.: Anna :.]

I have heard some sisters say this, and i think their reason was cos they dnt want to deal with inlaws who are too over bearing or interefering because due to culture some asian ones are?
also some ppl get the impression that reverts are better or more practising (i dnt think so necessarily personally bc u will find good and bad in both)
I do think it bit weird if ppl are too set that they mst have this and they only want to consider these people, like if they found a good person to marry they might be like "oh no but i wanted a revert, so no..." this is craziness... but if they jst like the idea of it and then they do it, then okay masha allah bt dont have to be soo fixed on only that idea. in the end u r looking for somene suitable and compatible, not specifically for these things. Same if someone says they wont consider marrying ne revert thats real bad

[Cristiana]

I think it's because we chose it.
When I met one of my closest friends (a muslim) the day I took my shahada and told her, she was happy and sort of fascinated by how strong that must have been for me, because I chose it.

I don't think there is anything else there...although not all reverts can be the same:confused:

[Zesty]

eermm my babies would be gorgeous?! :inlove: I mean inshaAllah theyre gona be gorgeous anyway :inlove: but ya knowww... :hidban:

[Cristiana]

A few friends of mine are really keen on marrying reverts (especially recently reverted), when I asked one of them why so, he replied, 'because I can mould her to how I want her to be'.

He deserves a slap.

[Sabr&Shukr]

I just thought too - this whole 'moulding her' thing - well we are taught that women are like a 'crooked rib' - and warned not to try and straighten her because it may break her and to enjoy the beauty of the woman as she is ( I am paraphrasing) - so those brothers who think that should remember this insha'allah.

And yeah its a bit weird too...

[THE PATH 2]

Usually when we're asked about a potential husband or wife we talk about out the characteristics or features we'd like in them; as you can see in some of the threads here alone. However, recently I've come across people over the net expressing a specific desire to marry a revert.

This struck me as odd, not in the sense that they wanted to marry reverts (I'm not encouraging the opposite please do not misunderstand me) but when you expect someone to list the characteristics or what they'd want in a wife/husband, they instead reply that they want a revert. I'm very liberal to the subject of marriage, I'd let my daughter marry a Muslim from China or from Mars, don't matter to me as long as hes a good Muslim man so I don't hold cultural bias as many meet through their lives, particularly the elderly factions of their families. But what do people find so particularly intriguing/attractive in wanting specifically a revert?

Is it based on physical attraction, is it the cultural differences and the background differences which fuel the fascination? Is it wanting to be around someone whom themselves been guided to Islam, and thus want that spiritual aurora to influence them aswell?

What is it exactly..


i know loads of lads married to reverts

most regret it

many issues ..

great scholars say..in marriage one of the most important factors will be compatibility

[.: Anna :.]

i know loads of lads married to reverts

most regret it

many issues ..

great scholars say..in marriage one of the most important factors will be compatibility

if someone tells u that they "regret" marrying their wife he must have no honour and dignity just to go around telling random ppl that :|

[MG]

A few friends of mine are really keen on marrying reverts (especially recently reverted), when I asked one of them why so, he replied, 'because I can mould her to how I want her to be'.

what a selfish, ignorant and narrowminded reason

[`asiya]

i know loads of lads married to reverts

most regret it

many issues ..

great scholars say..in marriage one of the most important factors will be compatibility



errrr is this the ...." lets bash the reverts and all marry our own kind " ....thread










:outta:

[Loobna]

I would like to marry a revert :) in some ways I'd actually prefer to rather than marry someone from my own culture, or rather my parents culture coz I dont really see it as my culture tbh. All the reverts I have seen seem to be more practicing than the born muslims and they dont have all the cultural baggage. Being born and brought up in the UK myself I think it'd be a good match. For me, when looking at prospectives from my own culture the immediate barrier is the fact that I cant speak the language at all and then comes the fact that I dont dress in the traditional dress and just generally I'm not very that-culture-inclined - I see myself as muslim -thats it.

[Kal-El]

errrr is this the ...." lets bash the reverts and all marry our own kind " ....thread

:outta:

No it isn't. I just wanted to learn something

[neelu]

I think One Ummah is right. Last night I was flicking through some online matrimonial profiles and one of them specifically asked for someone "recently converted". I couldn't help but think; why 'recently converted'? What's wrong with someone who converted 5 or 10 years ago? And THEN the same thought occured to me: cos' they assume a new convert is naive and can mould her to their way of thinking. Also I think the majority of guys who seek out convert girls do it cos' they want a trophy white girl- they're not interested in converts of darker races. Alhamdullilah most convert sisters are smart enough to avoid the vultures out there, but unfortunately some newly converted sisters don't always realise what kind of minefield they're potentially stepping into.

I also agree with Anna I think a lot of sisters (myself included) feel that reverts don't always carry the extra baggage of extended families with unrealistically high expectations of what the 'bahu' will do for them. That doesn't mean a marriage to a convert would be problem free obviously every marriage has it's own set of challenges, but some challenges are preferable to others:p

[`asiya]

No it isn't. I just wanted to learn something

i was of course, referring to the post i quoted and the subtle way the compatilbility was mentioned, when indeed the only compatibility is the deen, because it doesnt matter if u are married to someone from completely the same background if the persons deen is lacking it will never work because u will not be compatible in any way, your goals for life, in marriage, the way u view islam and how u adhere to it, will be different, hence why the prophet salAllahu alleyhi wa salam said marry for the deen or u will be a looser,

but its strange to hear that people seek to only marry reverts... i would personally be freaked if a man wanted to marry just because i was a revert because hes not seeing me for the person i am.. he sees only an idea, a notion, in his head.. and only Allah knows what his vision of a revert is .. and thats not something i would want to try and live up too.

personally i think we should just drop the word revert and call us all muslims because " revert " seems to have negative connitations to many.. and yet all the sahabba were reverts to Islam.. which is so very often forgotten..

[Pro_Candy]

Personally, I've decided that I want to marry a revert inshaAllah. There a few reasons behind it, one being that I'm a revert and would like a man who is from the same culture/background as me, I believe we would be more compatible. I'd like us to be able to learn more, and explore and discover our religion together. Would like to grow spiritually with him, rather than have him dominate and try to 'mold' me. Been there, done that, and don't want it again. Just want a good ol' red, white and blue hometown Muslim guy :)

[Abu Mus'ab]

if someone tells u that they "regret" marrying their wife he must have no honour and dignity just to go around telling random ppl that :|
Exactly.

[Khadija222333]

My best friend wanted to marry a revert when I asked her why she said so I can help him with his deen and so he can help me with mine. :inlove:

I'm not saying and neither was she that born Muslims can't help you with your deen.

[Abu Mus'ab]

i was of course, referring to the post i quoted and the subtle way the compatilbility was mentioned, when indeed the only compatibility is the deen, because it doesnt matter if u are married to someone from completely the same background if the persons deen is lacking it will never work because u will not be compatible in any way, your goals for life, in marriage, the way u view islam and how u adhere to it, will be different, hence why the prophet salAllahu alleyhi wa salam said marry for the deen or u will be a looser,

but its strange to hear that people seek to only marry reverts... i would personally be freaked if a man wanted to marry just because i was a revert because hes not seeing me for the person i am.. he sees only an idea, a notion, in his head.. and only Allah knows what his vision of a revert is .. and thats not something i would want to try and live up too.

personally i think we should just drop the word revert and call us all muslims because " revert " seems to have negative connitations to many.. and yet all the sahabba were reverts to Islam.. which is so very often forgotten..
I think those people are more interested in marrying someone who's ignorant of islam than they are interested in marrying a revert, they just 'assume' reverts don't know much about islam and so they can program them.

[THE PATH 2]

if someone tells u that they "regret" marrying their wife he must have no honour and dignity just to go around telling random ppl that :|

or they experience difficulties and harsh realities


my stepgrandmother is white..none muslim...

some of us live in the real world..

new muslims are not all angels or the stereotypical...they are better cos they accepted by will

many people do regret and it is a lesson for people with rose tinted spectacles

[THE PATH 2]

Exactly.

or its a warning to naive young guys who kid themselves and their parents

[MasjidAlHaram]

get real and stop chatting!!! its laylatal qadr.. i am here to warn you to stop wasting time.....watch ISLAM CHANNEL RIGHT NOW... live prayers from makkah on one of the most blessed nights ..or do something better then talk about marriage etc

[Pro_Candy]

get real and stop chatting!!! its laylatal qadr.. i am here to warn you to stop wasting time.....watch ISLAM CHANNEL RIGHT NOW... live prayers from makkah on one of the most blessed nights ..or do something better then talk about marriage etc

I don't have Islam Channel.

[mujahids-turn]

Bruv! patrol yourself first! Quick! switch pc off! and take your advice!

[mujahids-turn]

sis

You can watch online

www.islamchannel.tv

I don't have Islam Channel.

[MasjidAlHaram]

i have it on in front.. i just came online to tell you guys to stop debating/chattin away wasting time...do ibadat.. i am not here to socialise or debate.. i just told you something good..advice that i am inshaAllah also going to take as i leave ... but its very sad that people be sarcastic or mock when your being given such advice that had you known the benefits you would laugh less and take it more seriously

[Pro_Candy]

sis

You can watch online

www.islamchannel.tv

Wow... didn't know you could watch online! Thanks Bro!

And, other Bro... learning about Islam, marriage, and all, what's wrong with it? Is it really wasting time? When I get married inshaAllah, I won't be online talking about wanting to get married. Might be discussing other aspects, but will be more focused on keeping hubby and the kiddos happy :) Nothing wrong with that, right?

[MasjidAlHaram]

yes but on the nights of power....it could be tonight its about one on one you and Allah swt... ok im off i did my bit..rest is up to u ppl to decide whats better.. to be online or to open the quran and read and get on the mussallah and pray nawafils and cry to Allah in ur duas...wsaalam

[MasjidAlHaram]

actually the prophet pbuh used to tighten his waist belt on the last ten nights of ramadan (meaning no sexual things with his wives) and did pure ibadah ....so think about that, now im really off wsalam

[Kal-El]

Sounds like the desire to specifically want a revert is ignorant as much of the reasons behind it are quite suspect, if not negative. Interesting.

Here's a question for you all..*check the poll* It should be even more interesting, it will distinguish whether or not the main reason is just because some Muslims want "something entirely new" or whether it actually is based solely on just the fact that some reverted to Islam.

[Abu Mus'ab]

or its a warning to naive young guys who kid themselves and their parents
or it's a saying by 'men' who are devoid of ilm and hayaa.

[bint]

i dunno what i want.

ask me 3yrs ago. i proll wud have said yeah. a revert cos theyd live on fish chips n beans :p jokes.

now i dont think so.

[$HugoBoss$]

Majority of my religious cousins in the states are married to reverts because there's barely any practicing muslims there which is true. Well my dad is a revert so i'm for it. If i marry a second wife, revert inshallah :up:

[THE PATH 2]

or it's a saying by 'men' who are devoid of ilm and hayaa.

maybe thats why they got there in the first place...many of them metin haraam circumstances..did haraam acts then saw one way out..which in the end was still devoid of real mohabbah and intentions

[THE PATH 2]

may allah give people the ability to recognise the sanctity and seriousness of marriage

the concept of compatibility

and the purest of intentions for a great sunnah:)

[peace2u]

I know most men marry reverts/converts because they are able to teach her 'h'islam. I know so many who have done it for that reason and even some who converted women so that they could marry her and not have any "problems" or someone to tell them when they are doing wrong.

Peace

[Maureen]

One of the sign posts for a successful marriage is to marry someone of the same faith, whatever that may be.

[ammarcool]

I have noticed the special characteristics with our revert brothers & sisters in Islam is that : THEY ARE MORE RELIGIOUS THAN THE BORN MUSLIMS AND MOST OF THEM ARE PRACTICING MUSLIMS, They knows ISLAM very well! Mashallah! I m not criticizing anyone! that is one of the major lesson that what should we learn & have to put into practical in our life.

:)

May Almighty shows us the best & the correct way! May Almighty grant our Ummah the Hidayah! Ameen!

[Cashew]

As an old and increasingly fat person who lived through the Civil Rights Movement in the U.S., I find aspects of this thread very depressing because I am so tired of racial hysteria.

While I willingly admit that there are sometimes huge differences between any given two cultures, as an old and increasingly fat person I can tell you that these differences are no larger than the differences you encounter between any two people, even those of the same race and culture.

This is a very interesting lesson, though, isn't it?

Even though Islam has given Muslims an absolute command to reject racial hysteria, a good reason to reject the madness of racial hysteria, the temptation still remains strong.

You can't make Muslims embrace the strengths of Islam if they do not want to embrace the strengths of Islam.

[PiElle2]

As an old and increasingly fat person who lived through the Civil Rights Movement in the U.S., I find aspects of this thread very depressing because I am so tired of racial hysteria.

While I willingly admit that there are sometimes huge differences between any given two cultures, as an old and increasingly fat person I can tell you that these differences are no larger than the differences you encounter between any two people, even those of the same race and culture.

This is a very interesting lesson, though, isn't it?

Even though Islam has given Muslims an absolute command to reject racial hysteria, a good reason to reject the madness of racial hysteria, the temptation still remains strong.

You can't make Muslims embrace the strengths of Islam if they do not want to embrace the strengths of Islam.

Yup that's humans and life for you, cashew. can't force anything on anyone like we can't force you to convert. :D

[sis_niqabi]

salam

i don't think it's good for people to think just because someone is a revert it automatically means they'll be righteous. i was born and raised in a community of reverts and let me tell you they are not all good. and some of them are just misguided in the deen as some born Muslims are actually many reverts to bring a lot of baggage from the jahilliyah with them and sometime bring into their marriages. both of my parents who are reverts to islam find it naive for people to think just because someone is a reverts they'll be more righteous and be good husbands. because there are a lot of reverts brother who are jokers.
there are also a lot of reverts brothers who marry a woman for a week and then divorce her.

yes reverts tend to have a clearer view of islam without all that cultural stuff clouded stuff. but it doesn't mean they'll be righteous

i think as Muslims we need to strive to marry the righteous one. whether he is a revert or a born Muslim.

[Rainfall]

Well it depends. I believe that reverts have had alot to learn from their past, deluded way of life. Born muslims are often tempted by the western way of life, because they have not lived it and wish to experiment and try it, but reverts often know all there is to know about it and feel strong regret towards the part of their life that was wasted as non-muslims.


Its my theory, I know many reverts I have spoken to but I myself am not a revert so if I have made any mistakes forgive me.

And allah knows best.

Sis rain.

[Islamic Sister]

Usually when we're asked about a potential husband or wife we talk about out the characteristics or features we'd like in them; as you can see in some of the threads here alone. However, recently I've come across people over the net expressing a specific desire to marry a revert.

This struck me as odd, not in the sense that they wanted to marry reverts (I'm not encouraging the opposite please do not misunderstand me) but when you expect someone to list the characteristics or what they'd want in a wife/husband, they instead reply that they want a revert. I'm very liberal to the subject of marriage, I'd let my daughter marry a Muslim from China or from Mars, don't matter to me as long as hes a good Muslim man so I don't hold cultural bias as many meet through their lives, particularly the elderly factions of their families. But what do people find so particularly intriguing/attractive in wanting specifically a revert?

Is it based on physical attraction, is it the cultural differences and the background differences which fuel the fascination? Is it wanting to be around someone whom themselves been guided to Islam, and thus want that spiritual aurora to influence them aswell?

What is it exactly..


I think it has a lot to do with the fact that when someone enters Islam they hold on to the deen very strongly because it is something they have been without there whole life and therefore they value and treasure Islam. Wheras those of us born and bred as Muslims take it for granted. I guess what they mean by "revert" is someone very pious, because mashallah they generally tend to be.

P.S: My step-dad and most of his friends are reverts so I'm not making up facts!!!

[afsalim]

A few friends of mine are really keen on marrying reverts (especially recently reverted), when I asked one of them why so, he replied, 'because I can mould her to how I want her to be'.

How sexist of them!

[aisha2007]

My husband says that he married me as a revert as my deen was stronger than his. That some mulsims who have been brought up as muslims take Islam for granted where most reverts are strong in the deen.
I don't know how true anyone else finds this ....just repeating his words.
And if my deen is stronger then I thank Allah.

[aisha2007]

salam

i don't think it's good for people to think just because someone is a revert it automatically means they'll be righteous. i was born and raised in a community of reverts and let me tell you they are not all good. and some of them are just misguided in the deen as some born Muslims are actually many reverts to bring a lot of baggage from the jahilliyah with them and sometime bring into their marriages. both of my parents who are reverts to islam find it naive for people to think just because someone is a reverts they'll be more righteous and be good husbands. because there are a lot of reverts brother who are jokers.
there are also a lot of reverts brothers who marry a woman for a week and then divorce her.

yes reverts tend to have a clearer view of islam without all that cultural stuff clouded stuff. but it doesn't mean they'll be righteous

i think as Muslims we need to strive to marry the righteous one. whether he is a revert or a born Muslim.

But the same can be said of muslims brought up into the faith.

[sis_niqabi]

But the same can be said of muslims brought up into the faith.

no doubt. that's why i said i think as Muslims we need to strive to marry the righteous one. whether he is a revert or a born Muslim.

you are right there are a whole bunch of misguided born Muslims. the majority of born Muslims i know are misguided. however my point was that born Muslims need to stop assuming just because someone is a revert they'll be righteous and good Muslims and make good spouses.

[`asiya]

no doubt. that's why i said

you are right there are a whole bunch of misguided born Muslims. the majority of born Muslims i know are misguided. however my point was that born Muslims need to stop assuming just because someone is a revert they'll be righteous and good Muslims and make good spouses.

yep like i was saying we should just scrap the titles and labels and call us all muslims, reverts born muslims doesnt make the slightest bit of difference Allah ta ala says all are equal except for taqwa so khalass


think im going to stop calling myself a revert :D im just a muslim now alhamdulillah

[fisabilllillah]

A few friends of mine are really keen on marrying reverts (especially recently reverted), when I asked one of them why so, he replied, 'because I can mould her to how I want her to be'.

That sounds like :torture:. :rolleyes:Reverts are intelligent!!!! And your friends are not going to be successful with that attitude. Alhamdullilah, REVERTS dont need to be moulded, Allah has given them hidayah and like all Muslims, reverts have a special personailty ALREADY that initiated their search for the truth. Whether your revert or not, both potential partners should inspire to mould the islamic shakshsiyah (not the whims and desires of the man) and enjoin good and forbid evil and use the quran and sunnah for guidance.

[hammerofthehuns]

i saw this revert sister the other day, she was about 13 or so and wearing black hijab and jilbaab mashaAllah and she was out shopping with her mum and dad and they looked as sick as parrots:D

[fisabilllillah]

May allah guide the parents sis

[hammerofthehuns]

how does 'hammerofthehuns' infer im a sister exactly?:D

[Tariq Lateef]

I actually Wouldnt mind marrying a REVERT AT ALL! It would be awesome! :D Cuz bring raised up in the west you kinda wanna marry someone who is BOTH ISLAMIC and you can connect with, ya ya why not find someone from your culture who was RAISED here? then i would be eating the SAME God Darn food for the rest of my LIFE! I WANNA ADD SOME SPICE! no pun intended! :inlove: :up:

[Abu Mus'ab]

how does 'hammerofthehuns' infer im a sister exactly?:D
maybe you sound girly? :rotfl:

and what is your defination of 'sick'? sick as in "good" or sick meaning bad?

[aurorascopic]

Just read all the posts. I think there was a confusion with bro Path's posts.

He's referring to those non muslim (usually english) girls who revert due to marriage. Like they went out maybe got pregnant with a non english muslim lad and the boy like persuaded her to revert etc. These girls usually end up going back to their old ways, get influenced very easily by their own families etc.

The reverts brother kal-el means I think are those who have found Islam within themselves and who have chosen Islam by themself through educating themself or being around islamic influence etc.

There is a huge difference between finding Islam yourself and then being pressured or 'falling into' Islam due to other, usually haraam, circumtances.

[hammerofthehuns]

maybe you sound girly? :rotfl:

and what is your defination of 'sick'? sick as in "good" or sick meaning bad?


:torture:

im from the old skool bro, cant be keeping up with u youngsters n ur lyrics

[.: Anna :.]

i saw this revert sister the other day, she was about 13 or so and wearing black hijab and jilbaab mashaAllah and she was out shopping with her mum and dad and they looked as sick as parrots:D

awww masha allah @ our lil sis :inlove:

[hammerofthehuns]

mashaAllah, always nice 2 see new brothers n sisters:up:

[afrasayab]

what a selfish, ignorant and narrowminded reason
I thought you were going to say 'what a selfish, ignorant and narrowminded b****d!' lol
He needs some :torture::torture::torture:

I rather marry a revert then my own 'kind'. I want to avoid the cultural baggage. I don't limit myself, though if I find someone I really like, I wouldn't care which culture or race.

[Sister-Ameena*]

:salams I honestly do not care whether someone reverted back to Islaam, or their parents are (staunch) Muslims. At the end of the day, as long as they're Muslim is what counts to me. And of course, there are a lot of criteria that comes with one's looking for a potential (whether it be a husband or wife) but mine certainly do not contain any specifics such as that of wanting a revert.

[afrasayab]

As an old and increasingly fat person who lived through the Civil Rights Movement in the U.S., I find aspects of this thread very depressing because I am so tired of racial hysteria.

While I willingly admit that there are sometimes huge differences between any given two cultures, as an old and increasingly fat person I can tell you that these differences are no larger than the differences you encounter between any two people, even those of the same race and culture.

This is a very interesting lesson, though, isn't it?

Even though Islam has given Muslims an absolute command to reject racial hysteria, a good reason to reject the madness of racial hysteria, the temptation still remains strong.

You can't make Muslims embrace the strengths of Islam if they do not want to embrace the strengths of Islam.

Dude, why don't you become an old and increasing fat Muslim? I am sure you have been asked this question many many times before...

Many ppl are muslims because their forefathers were muslims, they forget what it means to be muslims. They forget that islam requires them to be free of race/color/culture and status.

[fisabilllillah]

how does 'hammerofthehuns' infer im a sister exactly?:D

werent u looking for a female dentist????? and u write like a woman! lol at this point :confused: fee prays ur a sister....sorry if i offended Mafi Mafi....:lailah: im def sure u were looking for a female dentist!!!!

[MJH]

I think it depends on the person - I really don't think its an issue. For example, on paper I could marry a revert (English really) because I have a lot of similarities. I became a practicing Muslim about 4 years ago and before that my circle of friends tended to be mainly English and that’s been my cultural make-up; in terms of food, humour (dry, irony laden), sport, referring to 80's popular culture etc.. In my experience, Asian girls that I have had marriage talks with cannot relate to me in that sense - we just don’t 'click' and seem to be at different wave lengths.

Also, with reverts there is the perception that there are no cultural hang-ups. I for example hate Asian cultural stuff because I have always avoided it and know next to nothing about the formalities. I find that its too formal and stifling and can think of nothing worse than marrying into another 'massive' family and having to go through all that process. I think I’d find it easier to deal with a non-Muslim family than an Asian one.

Nevertheless, people shouldn’t have an ‘ideal’ person that they wish to marry because otherwise they will just keep looking fruitlessly. I only get introduced to Asian girls, never reverts, so in practice I’m unlikely to marry a revert. Therefore I give everyone an opportunity and never try to be anal on specifics - after all marrying someone from my own background also has positives (I’m thinking the settling down process will be easier).

Allah has his plans for us all and I’m sure those of us that are looking will inshallah soon marry whomever he wishes us to marry - whether a revert or not!

[Cristiana]

Just read all the posts. I think there was a confusion with bro Path's posts.

He's referring to those non muslim (usually english) girls who revert due to marriage. Like they went out maybe got pregnant with a non english muslim lad and the boy like persuaded her to revert etc. These girls usually end up going back to their old ways, get influenced very easily by their own families etc.

The reverts brother kal-el means I think are those who have found Islam within themselves and who have chosen Islam by themself through educating themself or being around islamic influence etc.

There is a huge difference between finding Islam yourself and then being pressured or 'falling into' Islam due to other, usually haraam, circumtances.


Very well put:up:

I also know brothers that fancy marrying a revert because we are caucasian (and English women tend to be very fair) but at the same time they cannot let go of the fact a wife should belong to their culture and be able to cook their regional food.

These are the 2 most stupid reasons combined. :torture:Unbelievable.

[(*_Hamzah]

I want to marry a revert, it would be my first preference, only for the deen sake, as for skin colour and so on that isn’t important

[Cristiana]

I want to marry a revert, it would be my first preference, only for the deen sake, as for skin colour and so on that isn’t important

You are a born Muslim right?

Because I see what you mean. As a revert I am very happy that my husband is a born muslim because he has extensive experience of life in a muslim country, being brough up by a muslim family etc.
Although this isn't essential it is nice for me to have also that aspect of Islam.

What matters of course is piety - whatever your origins - but I prefer learning about Islam from my husband than having a husband that knows less than me (=I am just assuming that would be the case was this husband someone like me who has been muslim for under 1 year as opposed to someone who practiced islam for a lifetime).

I understand your feeling. Insha'Allah you'll be able not only to give affection to your wife, but also to do her A WORLD of good as far as the deen goes:up:

[(*_Hamzah]

You are a born Muslim right?

Because I see what you mean. As a revert I am very happy that my husband is a born muslim because he has extensive experience of life in a muslim country, being brough up by a muslim family etc.
Although this isn't essential it is nice for me to have also that aspect of Islam.

What matters of course is piety - whatever your origins - but I prefer learning about Islam from my husband than having a husband that knows less than me (=I am just assuming that would be the case was this husband someone like me who has been muslim for under 1 year as opposed to someone who practiced islam for a lifetime).

I understand your feeling. Insha'Allah you'll be able not only to give affection to your wife, but also to do her A WORLD of good as far as the deen goes:up:

Few hundred years ago my ancestors where walking around west Bengal as Hinduz , indeed I was born Muslim but my family history isn’t entirely Islamic., off course I’m grateful to Allah he has guided us to Islam, my great granddad was a Hindu and he reverted- and he was a great man Mash’Allah

First generation of Muslim and all the companions were revert and they where the greatest of Muslim- this is what I think when I see a revert they are great people who have struggle for deen.

[Cristiana]

Few hundred years ago my ancestors where walking around west Bengal as Hinduz , indeed I was born Muslim but my family history isn’t entirely Islamic., off course I’m grateful to Allah he has guided us to Islam, my great granddad was a Hindu and he reverted- and he was a great man Mash’Allah

First generation of Muslim and all the companions were revert and they where the greatest of Muslim- this is what I think when I see a revert they are great people who have struggle for deen.

Masha'Allah:inlove:

[`asiya]

Few hundred years ago my ancestors where walking around west Bengal as Hinduz , indeed I was born Muslim but my family history isn’t entirely Islamic., off course I’m grateful to Allah he has guided us to Islam, my great granddad was a Hindu and he reverted- and he was a great man Mash’Allah

First generation of Muslim and all the companions were revert and they where the greatest of Muslim- this is what I think when I see a revert they are great people who have struggle for deen.

masha Allah jazakumAllahu khairin amin! may Allah ta ala reward him and enter him into al jannah, and all his future generations of muslims and may He ta ala keep them on the haq amin.

[MG]

I thought you were going to say 'what a selfish, ignorant and narrowminded b****d!' lol
He needs some :torture::torture::torture:

I rather marry a revert then my own 'kind'. I want to avoid the cultural baggage. I don't limit myself, though if I find someone I really like, I wouldn't care which culture or race.


i meant "person" not "reason" excuse my typo.

lol at thinking i was gonna say b*****d, yeh right, i'd banned in 5 secs!

[THE PATH 2]

Just read all the posts. I think there was a confusion with bro Path's posts.

He's referring to those non muslim (usually english) girls who revert due to marriage. Like they went out maybe got pregnant with a non english muslim lad and the boy like persuaded her to revert etc. These girls usually end up going back to their old ways, get influenced very easily by their own families etc.

The reverts brother kal-el means I think are those who have found Islam within themselves and who have chosen Islam by themself through educating themself or being around islamic influence etc.

There is a huge difference between finding Islam yourself and then being pressured or 'falling into' Islam due to other, usually haraam, circumtances.

JAZAKALLAH:)..ive had some negs and rude fatwas:rubeyes: for my posts

[THE PATH 2]

Very well put:up:

I also know brothers that fancy marrying a revert because we are caucasian (and English women tend to be very fair) but at the same time they cannot let go of the fact a wife should belong to their culture and be able to cook their regional food.

These are the 2 most stupid reasons combined. :torture:Unbelievable.

absolutely:up:

[Believer1984]

Yeh id marry a revert ! If shes pretty and pious ! :o

[Amaan]

To marry a revert? Well, as a man here in America that usually means marrying someone who is 'white' and 'american' (please forgive me for my generalization but im just trying to make a point). The reasoning behind this trend must stem from the the images that the US Media (Hollywood, etc) bombards us with 24-7. Female Beauty and Attraction have always been synonomous with WHITE WOMEN. So unfortunately, many Muslim men develop the wrong picture about these women and figure that they would like to have the best of both worlds.....someone who is a dedicated Muslim, AND fits this 'conditioned' image of beauty...even if they are not compatible.


just a disclaimer so that I don't offend anyone....female beauty is existant in all races and cultures of practising Muslimah.

[`asiya]

To marry a revert? Well, as a man here in America that usually means marrying someone who is 'white' and 'american' (please forgive me for my generalization but im just trying to make a point). The reasoning behind this trend must stem from the the images that the US Media (Hollywood, etc) bombards us with 24-7. Female Beauty and Attraction have always been synonomous with WHITE WOMEN. So unfortunately, many Muslim men develop the wrong picture about these women and figure that they would like to have the best of both worlds.....someone who is a dedicated Muslim, AND fits this 'conditioned' image of beauty...even if they are not compatible.


just a disclaimer so that I don't offend anyone....female beauty is existant in all races and cultures of practising Muslimah.

i wouldnt think of a revert as being white, a revert could be from anywhere, i have met a malaysian revert used to be a catholic, a chinese revert whoose parents are buddist, loads of black jamican and black american reverts around too and i met a black kenyan revert from south africa .. so im not seeing why u think of a revert as automatically being white..

its like when someone says "an english man" he could be from any race i dont think of a white guy in a bowler hat holding a breifcase and an umbrella....those days of stererotypes are long gone alhamdulillah .. and i always thought america was more multicultural than the uk... maybe not.

[PiElle2]

:wavey: i am chinese revert. so need find someone who doesn't mind me speaking chinese (& chinese dialects) in front of them and cooking chinese food... LOL

[sis_niqabi]

To marry a revert? Well, as a man here in America that usually means marrying someone who is 'white' and 'american' (please forgive me for my generalization but im just trying to make a point).

ummm :scratch: you do realize that in America the majority of converts are African american. people in America usually associate converts with being black. so i think your generalization is wrong

[Amaan]

ummm :scratch: you do realize that in America the majority of converts are African american. people in America usually associate converts with being black. so i think your generalization is wrong

I don't necessarily think my generalization is wrong...maybe just pooled from a different set of data.....I am basing my generalization on the personal experiences of ppl I know growing up here in America who were born Muslim. Brothers who grow up struggling at times with their Iman becuase of the temptations of the American women....but then after rededicating themselves to their deen and strengthening their Iman, still want to fulfill their attraction to these women by marrying a White Revert.

[north/south sis]

the reason why us women woulf prefer to marry reverts is ......... they generally have more taqwa...fear Allah more than anyone, even their parents.....understand what a big resposibility marriage isunfortunately many cultures are such that a man cannot deal with balancig rights of his wife and rights of his parents.........a prime example is living separately. in my pakistani culture it would take perhaps several years and a lot of grief to try and get your husband to understand that you wanted separate accommodation. a revert, generally would have no such problem would understand and not be tied by any absurd cultural traditions which go against islam..............no girl wants the extra hassle of having to live with husbands family, getting involved in family politics etc etc (paks understand what i mean)
which is why my sister married a revert and alhumdulillah is very happy:)

[Lord Summerisle]

A few friends of mine are really keen on marrying reverts (especially recently reverted), when I asked one of them why so, he replied, 'because I can mould her to how I want her to be'.

That is dreadful. Talk about a manipulating control freak!:eek:

[MasjidAlHaram]

yeh best reason to marry reverts is so u can control over them..its all about power man...power = fame = wealth = houses = cars = death

[Lord Summerisle]

I just thought too - this whole 'moulding her' thing - well we are taught that women are like a 'crooked rib' - and warned not to try and straighten her because it may break her and to enjoy the beauty of the woman as she is ( I am paraphrasing) - so those brothers who think that should remember this insha'allah.

And yeah its a bit weird too...

If women are like 'a crooked rib', what are men?

[MasjidAlHaram]

men are the body which holds the rib with care

[Lord Summerisle]

yeh best reason to marry reverts is so u can control over them..its all about power man...power = fame = wealth = houses = cars = death

HA. HA. HA.

(I know, you're joking!)

[Lord Summerisle]

men are the body which holds the rib with care

Oh, boy.

[Khadija222333]

:smack:

[Umm 'Umarah]

I think what they mean by 'moulding her' they mean in introducing her to their line of Aqeedah. I suppose it's easier to get along with someone who is new to the religion as opposed to someone who has wrongly mixed their cultural traditions with Islaam. (for years) it would be difficult to bring about change in that person.

[~Imaan~]

the reason why us women woulf prefer to marry reverts is ......... they generally have more taqwa...fear Allah more than anyone, even their parents.....understand what a big resposibility marriage isunfortunately many cultures are such that a man cannot deal with balancig rights of his wife and rights of his parents.........a prime example is living separately. in my pakistani culture it would take perhaps several years and a lot of grief to try and get your husband to understand that you wanted separate accommodation. a revert, generally would have no such problem would understand and not be tied by any absurd cultural traditions which go against islam..............no girl wants the extra hassle of having to live with husbands family, getting involved in family politics etc etc (paks understand what i mean)
which is why my sister married a revert and alhumdulillah is very happy:)

exactly! well said sis :up: reverts do generally hav more taqawah, wich is y dey put Islam b4 der culture, hwever sum ppl hu r brn into muslim families 2 strt off wid tend 2 let cultural views cloud der judgement and dis causes conflict in a marriage. May Allah giv us all the ability 2 put Islam b4 nething and evrithing and rememba that Islam is our way of life. Ameen Ya Rabb al Aalameen! Islam is hw we shud liv by, nt cultur.

[JLo]

Usually when we're asked about a potential husband or wife we talk about out the characteristics or features we'd like in them; as you can see in some of the threads here alone. However, recently I've come across people over the net expressing a specific desire to marry a revert.

This struck me as odd, not in the sense that they wanted to marry reverts (I'm not encouraging the opposite please do not misunderstand me) but when you expect someone to list the characteristics or what they'd want in a wife/husband, they instead reply that they want a revert. I'm very liberal to the subject of marriage, I'd let my daughter marry a Muslim from China or from Mars, don't matter to me as long as hes a good Muslim man so I don't hold cultural bias as many meet through their lives, particularly the elderly factions of their families. But what do people find so particularly intriguing/attractive in wanting specifically a revert?

Is it based on physical attraction, is it the cultural differences and the background differences which fuel the fascination? Is it wanting to be around someone whom themselves been guided to Islam, and thus want that spiritual aurora to influence them aswell?

What is it exactly..


assalamu alikeum

its a mixture of all the things you've mentioned i think. For me personally, i have no specfic desire to marry a revert per se, at the end of the day, muslim is muslim. As long as the brother fits my profile (attractive, practsing, has a full time job, kind, good sense of humour, prefabably british (not too fussed about race/ethnicity), generous and loving :inlove: and anything else i can think of later lol), then we're set. (yea thats a mighty list, and not even finished one either lol. What can i say, i aim for the best :up:)


But for some, e.g. in u.k, some brothers spefically wish to marry revert, not just any revert sister but a white caucasian revert (same goes for some sisters). Now i aint got a problem with anyone marrying another person regardless of race, but surely no white muslim brother or sister wants to married on the basis of their 'whiteness' and percieved personality/characteristics appreantly due to their pigmentation. I just used white muslims as an exmaple cos often i hear alot of folk saying 'i wanna marry a revert' when all they are really saying is ' i wanna marry a white person only'. i dont want to turn this into a race issue but my own exprience, it often ends up being one and that same 'desire' is not extended to reverts of african ancestory (which is why i find many practsing black revert sisters and brothers not getting any marriage offers for years or rejected by families whilst a white sister is proposed to within days of reverting or is hooked up with brothers asap or familes and familes sighing at the relief that future grandkids/niecees/nephews will be whitened up not blackened up!)

also, theres the idea that reverts are have more tawqa, knowlegde of deen and overall better muslims than those born into muslim familes. Many people on this thread have expressed this notion too. I would ask those people how they view themselves as muslims, their familes and other muslims they know. Do they see themselves and those around them born into muslim familes as lower because they were born into muslim familes and not born into non muslim ones and practised islam through that way?

Anyhow whilst person who is new to a faith is very excited and dedicated to their deen at the begginning (this goes for people converting to other faiths too) reality not all make it, for whatever reason and ultmiatly when we die, we will be jugded on our actions and a practising god fearing muslim who reverted to islam, will be on par with a practsing god fearing muslim who was bron into muslim family and a muslim who became a lousy non practisng muslim will be down there with a muslim who reverted and became lousy practsing too. No difference imo between the two. I think people who express those opinions feel like maybe they have no hope, that repentence is only for those 'new' into the deen and not for those who have been always there in it. i've noticed many here on ummah mention 'oh reverts are so lucky because all their sins are wiped away when they became muslim, which aint the case for us' and i have to shake my head. Why? because its sad to see people actually believe that they feel/think that they too cant have their sins cleaned. Allah s.w.t tells us that the door of tauwbah (repentence) is always open for all of his servents, any time so long as we are sincere. If we complete hajj, our sins are wiped away. If we do ramadan, esp. layat qadr, our sins are wiped away and we get rewards. if we bow down and make dua for forgiveness then inshallah our sins are also wiped away. Different ways but they lead to the same path. Neither is better, all are equally good. Its not some competition where we one group finishes first and another last. I'd like to think of it as a three legged race lol. We're joined at the hip and feet and are all together trying to cross the finish line and do so without falling down and hurting ourselves but if we do, that we will pick one another up and continue on till we cross that line inshallah together.

as for culture, well people think by marrying a revert, you'll escape cultural dogma, think again. again reverts come from somewhere, they have a cultural and ethnic identity of their own and they too have to deal with some unislamic cultural, social and religious issues which go against islam. Maybe not them personally, but certainly in many cases they'll be issues with extended familes and in laws. A pakistani may think they've got out of having an overbearing pakistani m-i-l but may have found themselves landing an english, carribean, chinease one instead (random example). You might not have to deal with living with in laws but you might face issues with trying to have a proper islamic wedding, which doesnt include alchoal drinks, mixed gender bash, hen nights etc.. You might not deal with high dowries, but you might have issues at xmas, b'day time. Then there might be problems with islamphopia and racism (before anyone says anything, i know that goes both ways and muslims are just as bad on that one too!). Maybe the in laws trying to take your kids to sunday church (happened with a sis i know! her mum was devout christain woman!) or somewhere which you dont approve of islamically, feed them haram food. even cases of revert muslims getting buried or even cremated unislamically because non muslim family disregardes the wishes of the deceased, their muslim spouse and their islamic beliefs!

So really, all your doing is swapping one set of issues for another. As humans, regardless where we are from in the world, we ALL have baggage and LOTS of it. Whether its social, cultral,racial etc.. we carry them around even if we dont want to/or it follows us around. Either way its there and part of life is to deal with it. Nothing will go 100% smoothly and you might finding yourself getting bumps along the way, maybe the type of ones you proabably didnt expect. Best thing is to enter is opened wide, so you stand a chance to not falling at the first hurdle.

I also think these titles like revert, born muslim, new muslim are devisive. I mean how long is a new muslim a new muslim? like when can they just be simply, a muslim? islamically thats from the day the shahdah enters your heart but these little boxes and tag labels i feel wear thin (only use them in reference) If we all thought of one another as all muslims period, on equal par, then maybe we'd be a bit more united and no-one would be like 'oh your marrying a revert*tut tut*' or 'i want to marry a revert' but 'i want to marry a muslim' and 'alhmduaiah your marrying a muslim'.

Anyhow enough on that. thats my few pennies to the table ;) i hope no-one (more specfically my reverted bros and sisters) is offended by my thoughts or think i was 'revert bashing' or something.

Hope you all had nice eids inshallah.

Ma'salam

[Amaan]

:up:

WOW JLo...well-said, i think we can officially close down this thread now because you pretty much covered all the bases.

[JLo]

Amaan, glad you understood what i was getting at.

p.s I'm not trying to create some list of pros and cons for marrying a 'revert' muslim or saying that because of xyz they should be avoided or anything lucrudirous like that. Deep down what im trying to say is, underneath, we're all the same. Different skins, different tongues but universially all made up of the same thing, face simalar life problems and joys, just on different scales.

Some people seem to think by marrying a partciualr revert muslim or a partcular nationality, ethnicity, cultral background, you'll be getting a better muslim spouse, better life, different muslim than the ones you may have come across in your country or family when all your really getting is another human being, who actually isnt proabably all that different than you think and if you do find someone like that, it has nothing to do with geogrphic location they live or come from, ethnicity, race or culture, its because they have a good heart and soul and that trancends all of the things mentioned and is found in every corner of the globe.

And ultimately no one of us is super human or super muslim and it doesnt matter how we all got to being muslims, what matters is how we live it now and how all of us can get through the tribulations of this world and the next in the best way we can.

[a mu-min]

I know one tunisian brother who purposely married a sister who was a revert(african american) to break the cultural practice of always marrying people from the same tribe (ethnicity).

[`asiya]

depends on..

:0: please akhi dont speak like that about the muslimahs maybe u want to edit that insha Allah :jkk:

[Abu Mus'ab]

besharam :nono:

[Abu Mu'adh]

I think what they mean by 'moulding her' they mean in introducing her to their line of Aqeedah. I suppose it's easier to get along with someone who is new to the religion as opposed to someone who has wrongly mixed their cultural traditions with Islaam. (for years) it would be difficult to bring about change in that person.

:up:

Also didn't Rasul (saw) mould his companions and teach them about tawheed for the first 13 or so years, were his companions not reverts so to speak, 13 years of instilling into them imaan so that when the laws of halaal & haraam were introduced they were instantly obedient.

same principle is applied in wanting to marry a revert.

[afrasayab]

assalamu alikeum

its a mixture of all the things you've mentioned i think. For me personally, i have no specfic desire to marry a revert per se, at the end of the day, muslim is muslim. As long as the brother fits my profile (attractive, practsing, has a full time job, kind, good sense of humour, prefabably british (not too fussed about race/ethnicity), generous and loving :inlove: and anything else i can think of later lol), then we're set. (yea thats a mighty list, and not even finished one either lol. What can i say, i aim for the best :up:)


But for some, e.g. in u.k, some brothers spefically wish to marry revert, not just any revert sister but a white caucasian revert (same goes for some sisters). Now i aint got a problem with anyone marrying another person regardless of race, but surely no white muslim brother or sister wants to married on the basis of their 'whiteness' and percieved personality/characteristics appreantly due to their pigmentation. I just used white muslims as an exmaple cos often i hear alot of folk saying 'i wanna marry a revert' when all they are really saying is ' i wanna marry a white person only'. i dont want to turn this into a race issue but my own exprience, it often ends up being one and that same 'desire' is not extended to reverts of african ancestory (which is why i find many practsing black revert sisters and brothers not getting any marriage offers for years or rejected by families whilst a white sister is proposed to within days of reverting or is hooked up with brothers asap or familes and familes sighing at the relief that future grandkids/niecees/nephews will be whitened up not blackened up!)

also, theres the idea that reverts are have more tawqa, knowlegde of deen and overall better muslims than those born into muslim familes. Many people on this thread have expressed this notion too. I would ask those people how they view themselves as muslims, their familes and other muslims they know. Do they see themselves and those around them born into muslim familes as lower because they were born into muslim familes and not born into non muslim ones and practised islam through that way?

Anyhow whilst person who is new to a faith is very excited and dedicated to their deen at the begginning (this goes for people converting to other faiths too) reality not all make it, for whatever reason and ultmiatly when we die, we will be jugded on our actions and a practising god fearing muslim who reverted to islam, will be on par with a practsing god fearing muslim who was bron into muslim family and a muslim who became a lousy non practisng muslim will be down there with a muslim who reverted and became lousy practsing too. No difference imo between the two. I think people who express those opinions feel like maybe they have no hope, that repentence is only for those 'new' into the deen and not for those who have been always there in it. i've noticed many here on ummah mention 'oh reverts are so lucky because all their sins are wiped away when they became muslim, which aint the case for us' and i have to shake my head. Why? because its sad to see people actually believe that they feel/think that they too cant have their sins cleaned. Allah s.w.t tells us that the door of tauwbah (repentence) is always open for all of his servents, any time so long as we are sincere. If we complete hajj, our sins are wiped away. If we do ramadan, esp. layat qadr, our sins are wiped away and we get rewards. if we bow down and make dua for forgiveness then inshallah our sins are also wiped away. Different ways but they lead to the same path. Neither is better, all are equally good. Its not some competition where we one group finishes first and another last. I'd like to think of it as a three legged race lol. We're joined at the hip and feet and are all together trying to cross the finish line and do so without falling down and hurting ourselves but if we do, that we will pick one another up and continue on till we cross that line inshallah together.

as for culture, well people think by marrying a revert, you'll escape cultural dogma, think again. again reverts come from somewhere, they have a cultural and ethnic identity of their own and they too have to deal with some unislamic cultural, social and religious issues which go against islam. Maybe not them personally, but certainly in many cases they'll be issues with extended familes and in laws. A pakistani may think they've got out of having an overbearing pakistani m-i-l but may have found themselves landing an english, carribean, chinease one instead (random example). You might not have to deal with living with in laws but you might face issues with trying to have a proper islamic wedding, which doesnt include alchoal drinks, mixed gender bash, hen nights etc.. You might not deal with high dowries, but you might have issues at xmas, b'day time. Then there might be problems with islamphopia and racism (before anyone says anything, i know that goes both ways and muslims are just as bad on that one too!). Maybe the in laws trying to take your kids to sunday church (happened with a sis i know! her mum was devout christain woman!) or somewhere which you dont approve of islamically, feed them haram food. even cases of revert muslims getting buried or even cremated unislamically because non muslim family disregardes the wishes of the deceased, their muslim spouse and their islamic beliefs!

So really, all your doing is swapping one set of issues for another. As humans, regardless where we are from in the world, we ALL have baggage and LOTS of it. Whether its social, cultral,racial etc.. we carry them around even if we dont want to/or it follows us around. Either way its there and part of life is to deal with it. Nothing will go 100% smoothly and you might finding yourself getting bumps along the way, maybe the type of ones you proabably didnt expect. Best thing is to enter is opened wide, so you stand a chance to not falling at the first hurdle.

I also think these titles like revert, born muslim, new muslim are devisive. I mean how long is a new muslim a new muslim? like when can they just be simply, a muslim? islamically thats from the day the shahdah enters your heart but these little boxes and tag labels i feel wear thin (only use them in reference) If we all thought of one another as all muslims period, on equal par, then maybe we'd be a bit more united and no-one would be like 'oh your marrying a revert*tut tut*' or 'i want to marry a revert' but 'i want to marry a muslim' and 'alhmduaiah your marrying a muslim'.

Anyhow enough on that. thats my few pennies to the table ;) i hope no-one (more specfically my reverted bros and sisters) is offended by my thoughts or think i was 'revert bashing' or something.

Hope you all had nice eids inshallah.

Ma'salam

That was some seriously post! Good analysis, no muslim is better then any other muslim, save a muslim with better iman. JLo with brains! Is there a reason for your name? :confused:

[afrasayab]

assalamu alikeum

its a mixture of all the things you've mentioned i think. For me personally, i have no specfic desire to marry a revert per se, at the end of the day, muslim is muslim. As long as the brother fits my profile (attractive, practsing, has a full time job, kind, good sense of humour, prefabably british (not too fussed about race/ethnicity), generous and loving :inlove: and anything else i can think of later lol), then we're set. (yea thats a mighty list, and not even finished one either lol. What can i say, i aim for the best :up:)


But for some, e.g. in u.k, some brothers spefically wish to marry revert, not just any revert sister but a white caucasian revert (same goes for some sisters). Now i aint got a problem with anyone marrying another person regardless of race, but surely no white muslim brother or sister wants to married on the basis of their 'whiteness' and percieved personality/characteristics appreantly due to their pigmentation. I just used white muslims as an exmaple cos often i hear alot of folk saying 'i wanna marry a revert' when all they are really saying is ' i wanna marry a white person only'. i dont want to turn this into a race issue but my own exprience, it often ends up being one and that same 'desire' is not extended to reverts of african ancestory (which is why i find many practsing black revert sisters and brothers not getting any marriage offers for years or rejected by families whilst a white sister is proposed to within days of reverting or is hooked up with brothers asap or familes and familes sighing at the relief that future grandkids/niecees/nephews will be whitened up not blackened up!)

also, theres the idea that reverts are have more tawqa, knowlegde of deen and overall better muslims than those born into muslim familes. Many people on this thread have expressed this notion too. I would ask those people how they view themselves as muslims, their familes and other muslims they know. Do they see themselves and those around them born into muslim familes as lower because they were born into muslim familes and not born into non muslim ones and practised islam through that way?

Anyhow whilst person who is new to a faith is very excited and dedicated to their deen at the begginning (this goes for people converting to other faiths too) reality not all make it, for whatever reason and ultmiatly when we die, we will be jugded on our actions and a practising god fearing muslim who reverted to islam, will be on par with a practsing god fearing muslim who was bron into muslim family and a muslim who became a lousy non practisng muslim will be down there with a muslim who reverted and became lousy practsing too. No difference imo between the two. I think people who express those opinions feel like maybe they have no hope, that repentence is only for those 'new' into the deen and not for those who have been always there in it. i've noticed many here on ummah mention 'oh reverts are so lucky because all their sins are wiped away when they became muslim, which aint the case for us' and i have to shake my head. Why? because its sad to see people actually believe that they feel/think that they too cant have their sins cleaned. Allah s.w.t tells us that the door of tauwbah (repentence) is always open for all of his servents, any time so long as we are sincere. If we complete hajj, our sins are wiped away. If we do ramadan, esp. layat qadr, our sins are wiped away and we get rewards. if we bow down and make dua for forgiveness then inshallah our sins are also wiped away. Different ways but they lead to the same path. Neither is better, all are equally good. Its not some competition where we one group finishes first and another last. I'd like to think of it as a three legged race lol. We're joined at the hip and feet and are all together trying to cross the finish line and do so without falling down and hurting ourselves but if we do, that we will pick one another up and continue on till we cross that line inshallah together.

as for culture, well people think by marrying a revert, you'll escape cultural dogma, think again. again reverts come from somewhere, they have a cultural and ethnic identity of their own and they too have to deal with some unislamic cultural, social and religious issues which go against islam. Maybe not them personally, but certainly in many cases they'll be issues with extended familes and in laws. A pakistani may think they've got out of having an overbearing pakistani m-i-l but may have found themselves landing an english, carribean, chinease one instead (random example). You might not have to deal with living with in laws but you might face issues with trying to have a proper islamic wedding, which doesnt include alchoal drinks, mixed gender bash, hen nights etc.. You might not deal with high dowries, but you might have issues at xmas, b'day time. Then there might be problems with islamphopia and racism (before anyone says anything, i know that goes both ways and muslims are just as bad on that one too!). Maybe the in laws trying to take your kids to sunday church (happened with a sis i know! her mum was devout christain woman!) or somewhere which you dont approve of islamically, feed them haram food. even cases of revert muslims getting buried or even cremated unislamically because non muslim family disregardes the wishes of the deceased, their muslim spouse and their islamic beliefs!

So really, all your doing is swapping one set of issues for another. As humans, regardless where we are from in the world, we ALL have baggage and LOTS of it. Whether its social, cultral,racial etc.. we carry them around even if we dont want to/or it follows us around. Either way its there and part of life is to deal with it. Nothing will go 100% smoothly and you might finding yourself getting bumps along the way, maybe the type of ones you proabably didnt expect. Best thing is to enter is opened wide, so you stand a chance to not falling at the first hurdle.

I also think these titles like revert, born muslim, new muslim are devisive. I mean how long is a new muslim a new muslim? like when can they just be simply, a muslim? islamically thats from the day the shahdah enters your heart but these little boxes and tag labels i feel wear thin (only use them in reference) If we all thought of one another as all muslims period, on equal par, then maybe we'd be a bit more united and no-one would be like 'oh your marrying a revert*tut tut*' or 'i want to marry a revert' but 'i want to marry a muslim' and 'alhmduaiah your marrying a muslim'.

Anyhow enough on that. thats my few pennies to the table ;) i hope no-one (more specfically my reverted bros and sisters) is offended by my thoughts or think i was 'revert bashing' or something.

Hope you all had nice eids inshallah.

Ma'salam

That was some seriously post! Good analysis, no muslim is better then any other muslim, save a muslim with better iman. JLo with brains! Is there a reason for your name? :confused:

[Tariq Lateef]

removed by moderator!

LOL, joke right? Oh you must mean, how hot her DEEN IS!!? or how HOT her Hijab/Niqaab is?...hrmm..

[dhakiyya]

That was some seriously post! Good analysis, no muslim is better then any other muslim, save a muslim with better iman. JLo with brains! Is there a reason for your name? :confused:

its says in her user title (under her username) what JLo means mashaAllah

[sis_niqabi]

exactly! well said sis :up: reverts do generally hav more taqawah, wich is y dey put Islam b4 der culture, hwever sum ppl hu r brn into muslim families 2 strt off wid tend 2 let cultural views cloud der judgement and dis causes conflict in a marriage. May Allah giv us all the ability 2 put Islam b4 nething and evrithing and rememba that Islam is our way of life. Ameen Ya Rabb al Aalameen! Islam is hw we shud liv by, nt cultur.

salam

yes sister, a revert might not have cultural issue. but a revert can also bring a lot of jahil ways when converting. i really think it's dangerous think to think that a revert will have generally have more taqwa. it's not right to generalize someone's taqwa just because they are a born Muslims or revert. i really don't know where born Muslims get this idea that reverts are angels just be they converted to Islam. im my eyes do not judge a Muslim on whether they were born or a reverts Muslim. i judge them on their actions.

[brjimc]

salam

yes sister, a revert might not have cultural issue. but a revert can also bring a lot of jahil ways when converting.

A born Muslim can bring a lot of jahil as well. Reverts dont have a monopoly on jahil;)

[Tosh]

This thread is full of absolutely Classic one liners and contributions!

When a person reverts their personalities aren't erased, just their sins.
Nicely put!

He deserves a slap.
Referring to the one who wants to mould...agreed

if someone tells u that they "regret" marrying their wife he must have no honour and dignity just to go around telling random ppl that :|
Good point;)

As an old and increasingly fat person...
what an introduction! stand up for your group!:D


While I willingly admit that there are sometimes huge differences between any given two cultures, as an old and increasingly fat person I can tell you that these differences are no larger than the differences you encounter between any two people, even those of the same race and culture.
Great unintentional play on words!


You can't make Muslims embrace the strengths of Islam if they do not want to embrace the strengths of Islam.
Exactly, we are all individuals....in many ways that is unfortunate as well as beneficial.

But the same can be said of muslims brought up into the faith.
Ya, most characteristics can be seen for most "types" of people, whatever it is. That is why labels and generalisations are not very useful in many situations, especially marriage when you are marrying a single person!

yep like i was saying we should just scrap the titles and labels and call us all muslims, reverts born muslims doesnt make the slightest bit of difference Allah ta ala says all are equal except for taqwa so khalass
Yay!


think im going to stop calling myself a revert :D im just a muslim now alhamdulillah
kool! But as a warning you might still be : "Oh, you know, the revert sister..."

i saw this revert sister the other day, she was about 13 or so and wearing black hijab and jilbaab mashaAllah and she was out shopping with her mum and dad and they looked as sick as parrots:D
MashaAllah, that's an 'independent' women. May Allah help us all in building a strong personal and positive relationships with our parents (inc. in-laws), Muslim and non-Muslim. Ameen.

:torture:
im from the old skool bro, cant be keeping up with u youngsters n ur lyrics
hehe... "n ur lyrics"...

Dude, why don't you become an old and increasing fat Muslim? I am sure you have been asked this question many many times before...
nuff said.

werent u looking for a female dentist?????!!!! comedy all in itself...just that statement alone.

u write like a woman! Ouch if it ain't a sister!

im def sure u were looking for a female dentist!!!!
Got to make sure you get the most important bits across, right?:up:

I want to marry a revert, it would be my first preference, only for the deen sake, as for skin colour and so on that isn’t important
Umm, yeah. That is a bit of a label. But good points none the less.

besharam :nono:
Definitel :o

LOL, joke right? Oh you must mean, how hot her DEEN IS!!? or how HOT her Hijab/Niqaab is?...hrmm..
Always thinking positively about others. MashaAllah. :D

A born Muslim can bring a lot of jahil as well. Reverts dont have a monopoly on jahil;)
What phrasing, MashaAllah.

Well done guys, wicked stuff to read, MashaAllah. Keep it up!

[sis_niqabi]

A born Muslim can bring a lot of jahil as well. Reverts dont have a monopoly on jahil;)

my point was that both sides have their issues. and that people need to stop thinking one group is pious than the other

[imanalistic]

i had no desire to marry a revert or a born muslim. all i wanted was for to be a practicing muslimah. revert or not did not matter. to be a revert or a born muslim means nothing. as long as she/he is practicing, nothing else matters.

[Kal-El]

Check out the poll results :rubeyes:

[abood]

i think that there is no need to shy or embaress...so i will tell that yes ...i really like to marry revert coz the reverted muslim are very faithful to islam and ALLAH...so i would teach him islam and he would teach me islam too......

[fisabilllillah]

criterai should be based on emaan

[eshanz]

criterai should be based on emaan

salamz could not have said it better myself.
why do we as muslims create so many divisions amongst ourselves and then cry that "awww theres so many divisions between the muslims, we dont have 1 ummah etc etc"
wats the difference between revert muslim and born muslim? THEY ARE BOTH MUSLIMS. and its up2 us as muslims to realise the difference in wat is islamic and wat is cultrally based. marriage is so easy, u meet a person u like, u get on with, u get married. why do u need all the complications of oh wat colour are they, where they come from, are they a freak in bed. its just sick man. the only condition one should have for their partner is are they muslim. and inshallah a good muslim at that. so that in time inshallah when you are blessed with children they are raised in a strong islamic enviroment. they are taught everything they need to know to suceed both in the world and the next. that has nothing to do with being revert or not its to do with being GOOD MUSLIMS

[Sama]

Assalam alaikum,

some really good points JLo, but i just wanted to add that a lot of reverts also have preferences to who they want to marry, it's not just born muslims who have preferences. I've met many reverts and i'd say about 99% of revert brothers (black, white) want to marry asian sisters and if things don't work out marrying an asian sister then they might consider sisters from other backgrounds but like you mentioned black sisters would get the short straw as they're probably a brothers 3rd or 4th choice of marriage. So i think we shouldn't have rose tinted glasses on when looking at reverts, because most muslims (born/revert) have preferences.

Personally i don't think there's anything wrong with having a preference, for example, if you're offered two phones both with exactly the same abilities but one was blue and the other green, you may have a preference for the blue one. It's not as though you think the blue one is better, because you know it's not, but it just pleases you more to have the blue one- ok i realise it's more complicated than this! I think the problem is when such large amounts of brothers want the same type of sister then other sisters have noone to choose from!

[~Jafrene~]

I'd marry a revert wow that would be like so cool, but my family would be against it only because of the stupid culture and that people would talk ARRRGGGHHH!!!!