Marriage not working out..husband not giving a divorce!

[aishabibi]

Assalam O alaikum folks...

I have this real bad marriage situation here. I was married to a guy in the age of 18. i met him on an online site, and thought he was the right guy, went to pakistan (i live in U.s.a) and got married, ended up getting pregnant and came back to U.s . Me and him didnt get along..but we dragged the relation for 3 years.
Now it got so worse that he is getting married again, but not divorcing me. He says he will never divorce me and i will suffer.
As far as my daughter is concerned, she is 2 year old. and he have never met her yet, because i have a fear that if i take her to pakistan he will take her away from me.
I want to be free from this relation. I dont know what to do.
Can you guys pls share your thoughts.

JizakkAllah

[Abandoned-Mind]

Assalam O alaikum folks...

I have this real bad marriage situation here. I was married to a guy in the age of 18. i met him on an online site, and thought he was the right guy, went to pakistan (i live in U.s.a) and got married, ended up getting pregnant and came back to U.s . Me and him didnt get along..but we dragged the relation for 3 years.
Now it got so worse that he is getting married again, but not divorcing me. He says he will never divorce me and i will suffer.
As far as my daughter is concerned, she is 2 year old. and he have never met her yet, because i have a fear that if i take her to pakistan he will take her away from me.
I want to be free from this relation. I dont know what to do.
Can you guys pls share your thoughts.

JizakkAllah

Consult a local knowledgeable person.

You have the option of Khula if it is that bad for you.

[aisha2007]

Consult a local knowledgeable person.

You have the option of Khula if it is that bad for you.

i totally agree
why are you waiting for him to divorce you? divorce him.
May Allah grant you courage.

[Pro_Candy]

Khula divorce, Sis. Don't let him have power over you.

[`asiya]

Assalam O alaikum folks...

I have this real bad marriage situation here. I was married to a guy in the age of 18. i met him on an online site, and thought he was the right guy, went to pakistan (i live in U.s.a) and got married, ended up getting pregnant and came back to U.s . Me and him didnt get along..but we dragged the relation for 3 years.
Now it got so worse that he is getting married again, but not divorcing me. He says he will never divorce me and i will suffer.
As far as my daughter is concerned, she is 2 year old. and he have never met her yet, because i have a fear that if i take her to pakistan he will take her away from me.
I want to be free from this relation. I dont know what to do.
Can you guys pls share your thoughts.

JizakkAllah

Consult a local knowledgeable person.

You have the option of Khula if it is that bad for you. :jkk:


:wswrwb: i have been in a similar situation sister where my husband refused to give me any marital rights and also refused to divorce me, and what you have said your husband is doing is wrong. It is not permissible to leave a woman hanging so that she is neither married nor unmarried as stated in surah nisaa ayat 129.

your walli ( your appointed gaurdian if u are a revert) who married you to this man is the one who should assist you with this, and you can ask him to contact a scholar in the u.s and he will arrange to have your husband contacted on your behalf, and he will sort out the situation with your husband and have him ordered to release u from the marriage by khula insha Allah, you dont have to deal with any of this yourself sister seek assistance from your walli and a shaikh for the khula and also in regards to arranging the custody of your child etc. he will also sort all that out with your husband for u alhamdulillah . may Allah ta ala protect u and your daughter and give u strength amin. fi amaanillah wa salamu alaikum wa rahmatullahi wa barakatuh.

[aisha2007]

:jkk:


:wswrwb: i have been in a similar situation sister where my husband resfused to give me any marital rights and also refused to divorce me, and what you have said your husband is doing is wrong. It is not permissible to leave a woman hanging so that she is neither married nor unmarried as stated in surah nisaa ayat 129.

your walli ( your appointed gaurdian if u are a revert) who married you to this man is the one who should assist you with this, and you can ask him to contact a scholar in the u.s and he will arrange to have your husband contacted on your behalf, and he will sort out the situation with your husband and have him ordered to release u from the marriage by khula insha Allah, you dont have to deal with any of this yourself sister seek assistance from your walli and a shaikh for the khula and also in regards to arranging the custody of your child etc. he will also sort all that out with your husband for u alhamdulillah . may Allah ta ala protect u and your daughter and give u strength amin. fi amaanillah wa salamu alaikum wa rahmatullahi wa barakatuh.

Ameen

[lao tzu]

Wait, you're in the US now? And he's remarried and living in Pakistan? Talk about simple! Go see a lawyer and file papers. I can think of a couple of reasons off the top of my head, but your lawyer can help you choose one. You should be able to get it over and done with for $500.

In the US, he's a bigamist, so he can't fight a divorce proceeding. It'll go through uncontested, though you've little hope of collecting child support. Get a restraining order at the same time. As he's from Pakistan, that will put him on the no-fly list, and he'll be stopped from entering the country in case he has designed on recovering your daughter.

Best of luck to you and your child.

As ever, Jesse

[`asiya]

Wait, you're in the US now? And he's remarried and living in Pakistan? Talk about simple! Go see a lawyer and file papers. I can think of a couple of reasons off the top of my head, but your lawyer can help you choose one. You should be able to get it over and done with for $500.

In the US, he's a bigamist, so he can't fight a divorce proceeding. It'll go through uncontested, though you've little hope of collecting child support. Get a restraining order at the same time. As he's from Pakistan, that will put him on the no-fly list, and he'll be stopped from entering the country in case he has designed on recovering your daughter.

Best of luck to you and your child.

As ever, Jesse

muslims dont sort out their marriage issues in the courts of the law of the land because our laws of divorce are completely different to american laws, though thanks for the suggestion, we also dont sue each other, or file suits for bigamy because firstly it is legal for a muslim man to have more than one wife in pakistan,and thats where they were married so this is nothing to do with american law.

and secondly she isnt entitled to what the american courts give in divorce cases it is not permissible for a muslim woman to recieve half a mans wealth and half his property upon divorce as the american courts often rule, he hasnt comitted any crime in regard to his remarriage. His crime before Allah ta ala is much more serious than that opression of a muslim woman is something that he doesnt want to be in his scale deeds on the day of judgement. an islamic scolar will arrange her divorce and her custody issues on her behalf for free according to Islamic divorce laws.

[Kal-El]

First time I've ever seen divorce being recommended here..:rubeyes:

[aisha2007]

Wait, you're in the US now? And he's remarried and living in Pakistan? Talk about simple! Go see a lawyer and file papers. I can think of a couple of reasons off the top of my head, but your lawyer can help you choose one. You should be able to get it over and done with for $500.

In the US, he's a bigamist, so he can't fight a divorce proceeding. It'll go through uncontested, though you've little hope of collecting child support. Get a restraining order at the same time. As he's from Pakistan, that will put him on the no-fly list, and he'll be stopped from entering the country in case he has designed on recovering your daughter.

Best of luck to you and your child.

As ever, Jesse


Not so.
It is dependant on a number of issues.
Remembering that the US does not recognise shariah law.
However the restraining order is a good option if you feel that he will have the means to be able to reach your daughter, although he has already waited two years, it sounds like an idle threat.
Time to move on with your life ukhti

[aisha2007]

muslims dont sort out their marriage issues in the courts of the law of the land because our laws of divorce are completely different to american laws, though thanks for the suggestion, we also dont sue each other, or file suits for bigamy because firstly it is legal for a muslim man to have more than one wife in pakistan,and thats where they were married so this is nothing to do with american law.

and secondly she isnt entitled to what the american courts give in divorce cases it is not permissible for a muslim woman to recieve half a mans wealth and half his property upon divorce as the american courts often rule, he hasnt comitted any crime in regard to his remarriage. His crime before Allah ta ala is much more serious than that opression of a muslim woman is something that he doesnt want to be in his scale deeds on the day of judgement. an islamic scolar will arrange her divorce and her custody issues on her behalf for free according to Islamic divorce laws.


:up:

[bint]

First time I've ever seen divorce being recommended here..:rubeyes:

where u been al this time?

how did the game go? :D

[Pro_Candy]

muslims dont sort out their marriage issues in the courts of the law of the land because our laws of divorce are completely different to american laws, though thanks for the suggestion, we also dont sue each other, or file suits for bigamy because firstly it is legal for a muslim man to have more than one wife in pakistan,and thats where they were married so this is nothing to do with american law.

and secondly she isnt entitled to what the american courts give in divorce cases it is not permissible for a muslim woman to recieve half a mans wealth and half his property upon divorce as the american courts often rule, he hasnt comitted any crime in regard to his remarriage. His crime before Allah ta ala is much more serious than that opression of a muslim woman is something that he doesnt want to be in his scale deeds on the day of judgement.

If he refuses to give her rights, and tries to oppress her, then she should do whatever she can to get her divorce. She has a child from him and the child is entitled to support. I doubt her big worries right now are getting half his assets, she probably just wants to move on with her life, and get away from him.

He has given her no choice but to pursue a divorce by other means.

[aisha2007]

First time I've ever seen divorce being recommended here..:rubeyes:


well divorce is not haram....but it is the least liked of all that Allah has ordained halal
sometimes it is necessary.

[`asiya]

First time I've ever seen divorce being recommended here..:rubeyes:


she said she wants a divorce but he refuses to free her, were just explaining that she has the right of divorce even if he is saying he refuses to divorce her, it is her islamic right according to what she has said her husband is doing Allahu alam. And a scolar is the one who will asess the situation and advise her according to shariah insha Allah and her walli will sort it all out for her to remove the burden from her alhamdulillah :up:

[PiElle2]

First time I've ever seen divorce being recommended here..:rubeyes:


Yup! I'm surprised no one has responded with solutions to save the marriage.

Marriage is a blessing and a divorce is not.

And I wish parents will have some thoughts for the children in this world before having them.

Even if you think you were too young to know better when it happened, then start growing up now and be responsible for your mistake/s. Do not let your child/children suffer any further along with you.

Do things for the sake of Allah, learn about Islam and know your resposibilities as a muslimah and duties besides your rights.

:(

[Cashew]

Yup! I'm surprised no one has responded with solutions to save the marriage.

Marriage is a blessing and a divorce is not.

And I wish parents will have some thoughts for the children in this world before having them.

Even if you think you were too young to know better when it happened, then start growing up now and be responsible for your mistake/s. Do not let your child/children suffer any further along with you.

Do things for the sake of Allah, learn about Islam and know your resposibilities as a muslimah and duties besides your rights.

:(

Pielle, this husband hasn't even seen his two-year-old daughter.

There isn't a "marriage" here to be saved.

Islamically, the husband can't force the wife to live in limbo. This isn't an issue of a bratty wife asserting her rights at the expense of an otherwise Islamically correct and happy Muslim marriage.

[PiElle2]

Pielle, this husband hasn't even seen his two-year-old daughter.

There isn't a "marriage" here to be saved.

Islamically, the husband can't force the wife to live in limbo. This isn't an issue of a bratty wife asserting her rights at the expense of an otherwise Islamically correct and happy Muslim marriage.


Cashew... It's like me saying to you you're not even a muslim so it's not correct to for you to give advice here...

Since when patience, compassion, forgiveness is total black and white.

And please people, who are the people who will advocate divorces. It's Ramadan now, so you can't say its' shaytaan.

Look inside yourself in this month of Mercy.

[`asiya]

Cashew... It's like me saying to you you're not even a muslim so it's not correct to for you to give advice here...

Since when patience, compassion, forgiveness is total black and white.

And please people, who are the people who will advocate divorces. It's Ramadan now, so you can't say its' shaytaan.

Look inside yourself in this month of Mercy.

no one is advocating divorce, our sister asked about how to become free from a marriage from a husband she does not get along with nor does she live with, we simply reminded her that she is not trapped and she does have a way forward, in Islam when a woman goes to her walli to seek assistance in such matters he will cover all angles which will include what is said in the Quran about bringing a party from each side, ie: the womans walli will speak with the husband and perhaps the husbands father/uncle someone whom he respects,and who will advise him according to Islam, and he will be asked about his side of things, and her side of things will be bought.

They will firstly see if there is anyway for them to reconcile, but if that is not possible all we have explained to her is that if he refuses to divorce her, this is something mentioned in the Quran and it is not permissible to keep a woman hanging so that she is neither living and kept as a married woman, and nor is she divorced. no one is advocating divorce we have all advised that she seeks the assistance of the people of knowledge, and they will advise according to the specific situation according to Islam insha Allah ta ala.

[PiElle2]

no one is advocating divorce, our sister asked about how to become free from a marriage from a husband she does not get along with nor does she live with, we simply reminded her that she is not trapped and she does have a way forward, in Islam when a woman goes to her walli to seek assistance in such matters he will cover all angles which will include what is said in the Quran about bringing a party from each side, ie: the womans walli will speak with the husband and perhaps the husbands father/uncle someone whom he respects,and who will advise him according to Islam, and he will be asked about his side of things, and her side of things will be bought.

They will firstly see if there is anyway for them to reconcile, but if that is not possible all we have explained to her is that if he refuses to divorce her, this is something mentioned in the Quran and it is not permissible to keep a woman hanging so that she is neither living and kept as a married woman, and nor is she divorced. no one is advocating divorce we have all advised that she seeks the assistance of the people of knowledge, and they will advise according to the specific situation according to Islam insha Allah ta ala.

I'm sorry if i have mis-understood the first 3 replies then!!!

[`asiya]

I'm sorry if i have mis-understood the first 3 replies then!!!

no problem ukhti :jkk:

[Arrakis]

This hadith is clear:

Sahih Bukhari V7, bk63, no213
Narrated Nafi:

Ibn 'Umar used to say about the Ila (which Allah defined (in the Holy Book), "If the period of Ila expires, then the husband has either to retain his wife in a handsome manner or to divorce her as Allah has ordered." Ibn 'Umar added, "When the period of four months has expired, the husband should be put in prison so that he should divorce his wife, but the divorce does not occur unless the husband himself declares it. This has been mentioned by 'Uthman, 'Ali, Abu Ad-Darda, 'Aisha and twelve other companions of the Prophet ."


So you see if he will not divorce you, he can be put into prison for it, until he finally does.

[sunny_skies]

Sis, you should approach your local shariah council (or the one closest to you) for advice and guidance. In my experience, they will hear out both sides of the story and decide themselves what the best course of action will be. Divorce is not something to be encouraged, as some have rightly mentioned above, but there is also no compulsion for a woman to stay in a marriage in which she is clearly unhappy and the couple do not even like each other.
I know of a sister here in the UK who was able to divorce her husband through khula with the help of the shariah council as her husband showed her no love or affection, she was basically very unhappy and her physical rights were not being fulfilled.

[Pro_Candy]

If she's legally married, she should file for a legal divorce.

[aishabibi]

JizakAllah sisters and brothers. I inshallah talked to a Maulana Shahib here in a nearby mosque, and he said Inshallah he will take this matter in his hands after Eid.
Once again, thank you all for answering. May Allah bless you. Ameen

[Lone Wolf]

He sound slike a real evil piece of work.

Get a restraining order and also put in a claim for child benefits. He'll never pay it but it'll be more reason for him to stay away from your daughter