View Full Version : C'mon people need ur help
GAL-actic
01-10-07, 01:00 PM
as-salamu alaykum to u all
I'm having this issue so i really need ur help. I have this friend she's engaged with this guy and she wants to throw him a surprise party for his bday. She organized him this dinnerparty and all his friends will be there. Now this is my prob I don't wanna go to this party cuz it's mixing and all of that but then i'm finding it hard to tell her i'm not coming, cuz she's my best friend. I really don't wanna go. So please tell me what would you do? I don't wanna lie to her or make up a lame excuse.
Just say that there has been a death in the family and you cant make it.
mystical-hk
01-10-07, 01:19 PM
Just say that there has been a death in the family and you cant make it.
:rubeyes:
Just tell the truth that free mixing in Islam is not allowed
InshaAllah she will understand. Maybe you could suggest a get together for only the women?
I'm sure the sisters will have better ideas than me :o
.: Anna :.
01-10-07, 01:34 PM
if this is your best friend she knows what you are like right and what you are normally comfy doing or not? just tell her "you know i dont really do mixed parties, i dont feel comfy coming to this" or say to her has she thought of segregating the party at all? jst be honest with her but in a kind way im sure u cn work summin out insha allah
if this is your best friend she knows what you are like right and what you are normally comfy doing or not? just tell her "you know i dont really do mixed parties, i dont feel comfy coming to this" or say to her has she thought of segregating the party at all? jst be honest with her but in a kind way im sure u cn work summin out insha allah
your too sensible
aisha2007
01-10-07, 02:22 PM
Just say that there has been a death in the family and you cant make it.
don't lie.
just tell her the truth...it's nothing to be ashamed of.
yasmin20
01-10-07, 02:59 PM
Assalam alakium,
One of my friend's called me to her b'day dinner in a pub...I was sort of confused b'coz I didnt know if I should make an excuse or tell her the truth so in the end I explained to her that I will not go to a pub and that it was against my beliefs and maybe I can see her another day or a day before.
Honesty is the best policy when you're in a situation like this plus its an opportunity to give dawah too inshaAllah.
But do what you feel is right for you sister in the end she is your best friend and inshaAllah she will understand your concern.
W'salam
aisha2007
01-10-07, 03:01 PM
Assalam alakium,
One of my friend's called me to her b'day dinner in a pub...I was sort of confused b'coz I didnt know if I should make an excuse or tell her the truth so in the end I explained to her that I will not go to a pub and that it was against my beliefs and maybe I can see her another day or a day before.
Honesty is the best policy when you're in a situation like this plus its an opportunity to give dawah too inshaAllah.
But do what you feel is right for you sister in the end she is your best friend and inshaAllah she will understand your concern.
W'salam
:up:
After considerable thought i dont think you should lie instead you should follow the advice of Anna, Aisha and Yasmin.
Thank you
Desipower
01-10-07, 03:30 PM
if you're worried about free mixing, you should also work on telling her B-days are haraam. Even devout and educated christians don't celebrate this pagan ritual.
Black_Flag
01-10-07, 03:35 PM
is she muslim?
GAL-actic
01-10-07, 04:11 PM
:jkk: 4 all ur advices. I think i'll just have to tell her how i feel. I'm sure there will be other occasions but if i tell her now then she will know i'm not joining them if it's mixed. I think she's coming over tonight so make du'a voor me I can tell her. Cuz that's the point where i fail:( I'm scared she will say I understand even if she doesn't. anyways I really appreciate ur advices and hope it will sort out insha'Allah
is she muslim?
Yeah
lol if it were my friend. id tell her to keep seperate venues :p i can be straight frward with her any time of day..:p and shed understand. ;)
just tell her straight up.
GAL-actic
02-10-07, 07:48 AM
She came over yday and I couldn't tell her cuz she had to leave soon and I felt like this really loser so I thought I'll send her message and that's what I did. It was a long message lol. I hope she understands. I'll let you know how she responded. Cuz I'm calling her tonight.
:jkk:
Black_Flag
02-10-07, 09:37 AM
strictly speakin she shouldnt even b holdin this party for this guy...there engaged...not married...so means she shouldnt be mixing with him without a mahram present...
Jus tell her you don't wanna go to the stupid party.
She came over yday and I couldn't tell her cuz she had to leave soon and I felt like this really loser so I thought I'll send her message and that's what I did. It was a long message lol. I hope she understands. I'll let you know how she responded. Cuz I'm calling her tonight.
:jkk:
at least u got the hard part over with
GAL-actic
02-10-07, 06:00 PM
I called her and I was like u understand right? And Alhamdulillah she understands she said you have to do what you feel is right for you. I'm so glad it turned out just fine.
strictly speakin she shouldnt even b holdin this party for this guy...there engaged...not married...so means she shouldnt be mixing with him without a mahram present...
Yea I mentioned that along time ago, but she said I know I'm sure my dad wouldn't let me do anything which is wrong. So i was confused and asked my dad about the case. He searched some ahadeeth and I copied them and gave it to her, but she's still not married :confused:(prob this summer insha'Allah)
if you're worried about free mixing, you should also work on telling her B-days are haraam. Even devout and educated christians don't celebrate this pagan ritual.
Yea I think I will do next time we meet insha'Allah
GAL-actic
21-10-07, 09:52 PM
Ok I THINK she's acting weird right now. We spoke about it and she was like i understand and all of that and then she said but you talk to guys at school right? :confused: I'm working on that too, but isn't it strange she came up with that? Oh I don't want you to think I'm backbiting, I'm just trying to get this right with your help :insha:
as-salamu alaykum to u all
I'm having this issue so i really need ur help. I have this friend she's engaged with this guy and she wants to throw him a surprise party for his bday. She organized him this dinnerparty and all his friends will be there. Now this is my prob I don't wanna go to this party cuz it's mixing and all of that but then i'm finding it hard to tell her i'm not coming, cuz she's my best friend. I really don't wanna go. So please tell me what would you do? I don't wanna lie to her or make up a lame excuse.
Just tell her the truth - If she's a good friend, she'll understand :)
GAL-actic
21-10-07, 09:59 PM
I told her (see post #18) The way she's acting like that is after I told her
Just tell her the truth - If she's a good friend, she'll understand :)
Ok I THINK she's acting weird right now. We spoke about it and she was like i understand and all of that and then she said but you talk to guys at school right? :confused: I'm working on that too, but isn't it strange she came up with that? Oh I don't want you to think I'm backbiting, I'm just trying to get this right with your help :insha:
Hmm it isn't strange. Should you be talking to guys at school? No :up:
During lesson it's fine, only if the discussion is related to the work. Outside class you shouldn't be mixing with them. You're contradicting yourself by telling her you do not free mix yet you hang about with guys at school. Your friend has a valid point.
What you need to do now is stop it altogether. Lay down the facts - explain to her why free mixing is wrong - and stick to it in all circumstances. :)
dunya_or_akhira
21-10-07, 10:08 PM
you see thats why we muslims should set good examples for those who have non practising friends
yasmin20
21-10-07, 10:10 PM
Ok I THINK she's acting weird right now. We spoke about it and she was like i understand and all of that and then she said but you talk to guys at school right? :confused: I'm working on that too, but isn't it strange she came up with that? Oh I don't want you to think I'm backbiting, I'm just trying to get this right with your help :insha:
Well theres a big difference in going to a birthday party and going to school speaking to the opposite gender I think your friend may be trying to make excuses for herself by pointing out things you do, it shows thats she may be trying to justify her actions. I think the comment may have been made on the spot and nothing she has been planning or something ,just let it go inshaAllah she how she is and if you feel that she's not being herself then talk to her about it and tell her how you're feeling it could be that you may be feeling guilty for something which you shouldn't feel guilt about i.e not going to the party
as-salamu alaykum to u all
I'm having this issue so i really need ur help. I have this friend she's engaged with this guy and she wants to throw him a surprise party for his bday. She organized him this dinnerparty and all his friends will be there. Now this is my prob I don't wanna go to this party cuz it's mixing and all of that but then i'm finding it hard to tell her i'm not coming, cuz she's my best friend. I really don't wanna go. So please tell me what would you do? I don't wanna lie to her or make up a lame excuse.
Ok I THINK she's acting weird right now. We spoke about it and she was like i understand and all of that and then she said but you talk to guys at school right? :confused: I'm working on that too, but isn't it strange she came up with that? Oh I don't want you to think I'm backbiting, I'm just trying to get this right with your help :insha:
ukhti she is your freind so just tell her the truth that in Islam we dont celebrate birthdays, two of my muslim freinds used to invite me to birthday parties i just told them look in Islam we dont celebrate birthdays this is not from our way of life as muslims. then the next year they called and said well its not a birthday its just a cake and getting together which happens to be on our sisters a birthday ... :o .. i said well thanks anyway but i dont think so , i`ll come and see u tommorow instead.. alhamdulillah the following year no more birthday parties, and now they dont celebrate them with their kids or family at all alhamdulillah. stick to the haq and Allah ta ala will assist u in everything insha Allah ta ala.
GAL-actic
21-10-07, 10:17 PM
Hmm it isn't strange. Should you be talking to guys at school? No :up:
During lesson it's fine, only if the discussion is related to the work. Outside class you shouldn't be mixing with them. You're contradicting yourself by telling her you do not free mix yet you hang about with guys at school. Your friend has a valid point.
What you need to do now is stop it altogether. Lay down the facts - explain to her why free mixing is wrong - and stick to it in all circumstances. :)
Yeah ur right about that and like I said I'm working on it and she knows that. This was like some weeks ago I guess and I think I'm getting there:)
But this is really bothering me, cus she understands (well that's what she said) but it seems to me that she doesn't. I don't think it has to do with talking to guys at school, but I think (lots of "thinks" in this post) she used that to show that I'm not making any sense by telling her I'm not going to his bday party. :confused: so confusing
.: Anna :.
21-10-07, 10:37 PM
Sis sometimes when you told someone that they are doing something wrong... in this case even though u didnt say exactly "you are wrong astaghfirullah how could you", by you saying you are not comfy enough to go to that... then she can take it in that way as a criticism, so then people want to justify themselves and one way is by looking at the other person and saying "well you do this and this, look you are not so perfect yourself" because this makes them feel better about their situation in some way.
So try to ignore that if it has upset you... never the less if what she says has some truth in it then u can try to implement the advice, although you said already you are working on that so masha allah that is good :) but insha Allah u have to try to nurture the relationship so that each are willing to accept "criticism" for the purpose of bettering ur selfs and becoming better Muslims, seeking the pleasure of Allah together not that one tries to put the other down as when they are criticised then they try to criticise the other. So your friend needs to realise that if you say anything like this or try to advice it is not an insult or like that but rather for her sake because you want the best for her. This comes down to both because this reaction of being defensive can be ingrained in the person themselves or can also come as a result of the way the advice is given, if they felt hurt in any way.
Anyway insha Allah dont let these things come between you, im sure u will be able to work it out and it will be okay :love:
GAL-actic
21-10-07, 10:44 PM
Maybe she felt like I'm criticizing her. :jkk:
I have to make things clear so she will not feel that way, if that's case tho. U were of great help.:)
fisabilllillah
22-10-07, 09:47 AM
I had a similar situation and i didnt go to my best mates wedding because there was a great deal of fitnah like music and free mixing. Mashallah ny friend was v. understanding. I wudnt advise u 2 lie but Tell her the truth and if she is your sincere friend she will understand when you tell her its not pernitted in Islam. Inshallah khair...pray it works out by allah's will.:up:
GAL-actic
22-10-07, 03:10 PM
I had a similar situation and i didnt go to my best mates wedding because there was a great deal of fitnah like music and free mixing. Mashallah ny friend was v. understanding. I wudnt advise u 2 lie but Tell her the truth and if she is your sincere friend she will understand when you tell her its not pernitted in Islam. Inshallah khair...pray it works out by allah's will.:up:
:jkk:
dunya_or_akhira
22-10-07, 03:13 PM
my friend did not attend his brothers weddings main function due to free mixing..he attended the nikah but refused to go into the main hall afterwards....at the end of the day the deen comes first...we had an eid party not long ago...it was in one hall with no segregation..altho under pressure to attend we did not.....you cant compromise your deen and values you stand for...
muslimma
22-10-07, 04:53 PM
my friend did not attend his brothers weddings main function due to free mixing..he attended the nikah but refused to go into the main hall afterwards....at the end of the day the deen comes first...we had an eid party not long ago...it was in one hall with no segregation..altho under pressure to attend we did not.....you cant compromise your deen and values you stand for...
good for you bro :up:
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