Education and parenting

[ZawjatuRaafi]

A mother has a significant, basic role in education. This is evident in the following points.

1- The Family Influence in Education:

The family is the first tier in the process of social upbringing. It is the family that instills in the child the standards by which he/she judges everything that he/she later receives from all social institutions. When the child goes to school, the attitude towards the teacher is formed on the basis of the education he/she has received at home. The selection of friends at school is also based on the way he/she was raised by his/her family. He/she evaluates everything he/she hears and sees and every situation he/she finds himself in or he/she witnesses through what his/her family has instilled in him/her. That is the role of the family in education, a very important and serious role.

2- The Child Is Influenced by the Mother's Condition at Pregnancy:

The mother dominates a stage of the child's life all by herself, with nobody else sharing her role, and this stage, the pregnancy, has an influence on education which some people might not be aware of. An embryo in its mother's womb is influenced by several things.

One of these things is nourishment. The type of food an embryo receives from its mother affects it in various ways. It is also influenced by any illness or indisposition of the mother during pregnancy. If a mother takes drugs while she is pregnant, the embryo is affected, and simalarly,if the mother is an addict. The same thing is true of smoking, and this is why in Western societies, a smoking woman is advised to quit or cut down on smoking during pregnancy, to spare the embryo the effect of nicotine. Other things that have an effect on the embryo are medications, which is the reason why a doctor asks a woman whether she is pregnant or not when he wants to prescribe a medicine for her.

Another influence, which the two parents may not realize, is the emotional condition of the mother. A baby might scream a lot in early childhood, or he might easily get scared, and in both cases, this may be due to the impact of his/her mother's emotional condition during pregnancy. When the mother gets too emotional, the hormones which she produces and which the child receives are affected. If such an emotional state goes on for a long time, the effect extends to the embryo's psychological, emotional, and physical constitution. That is why a husband should do his best to make the atmosphere favorable at home, and a mother should do her best to avoid anything that would excite her.

The attitude of the mother towards her pregnancy and her embryo is another important factor. When she is happy and cheerful at being pregnant, her mood will certainly have an effect on the embryo, the same way as when she is unhappy about her pregnancy. This is why Allah , the Most Glorious and Sublime, directs people to correct their attitudes towards male and female children. He says: Allah has the Kingdom of Heavens and Earth. He creates whatever He will and gives whom He will female offspring and whom He will male offspring, ! or He gives both male and female children, and makes whomever He wants sterile. He is Most Knowing and Mighty‚ (XLII: 49-50). He, the Most Glorious and Sublime, has His Will and His Judgment, and what He chooses has always a justification and a rationale. So a wife and her husband should always feel satisfied with what Allah gives them and should know that it is for their own good. They should be content whether a boy or a girl is born to them. If a woman loses this feeling of satisfaction, as when medical examination shows the sex of the embryo in her womb and it turns out to be the opposite of what she wises for, her attitude and feeling will certainly affect the embryo. The aim is to make the point that the role of a woman starts during pregnancy, and that at that stage, she is the only influence on the child.

Source: By Mohammad AL Dweesh(islamicedu.com)

Courtesy: www.everymuslim.com

[Ruqayyah]

Very beneficial, JazakAllah hu khair.

As salaamu alaikum.

Ruqayyah

[Bint_Khalid]

Raising Children in Islam

Our children are the babies of the time, and the mothers and fathers of the future. Allah (swt) has made it a continuous tradition that He will always deliver to the coming generation, or will give the coming generation the leadership of this world in a period that cannot be more than a Century, because maybe within one year, the generation will die, and there will be another generation will arise. Allah wishes for mankind to establish themselves on Earth, and to remove all kinds of corruption and mischief. He wants complete development for us in all spheres of life, and for there to be goodness everywhere. Whosoever follows the command of Allah (swt), he will in this life be tranquil and secure, and in the Hereafter he will have the pleasure of Allah (swt) who will be pleased with him. There is no doubt, that the one who does what is opposite to the command of Allah (swt), he will open the gates of hellfire by his own deed, and will be subject to severe punishment. In the dunya he will be completely confused, and his relationship with others will be bad and in the akhirah he will have a miserable life as result of the punishment he acquired. It was mentioned in the hadith, that 'The best people are those who leave the good deeds that people can benefit from after him'. Another hadith says that 'When the son of Adam passes away, all of his deeds will be forgotten, except the sadaqah and the knowledge he left'.

The bad people of the past have left behind bad thoughts and ideas, many corruptions and side effects, in both the private and public life. So we to know what the rights of our children are which is a duty upon us as parents. In summary, we can say that the rights of the children can be summarised as giving them what benefits them, and to prevent anything that may harm them in this life and in the Hereafter. Their right in this reality is not just a personal right, but it is beneficial for them, because their own personality will be something that benefits the entire society. Some of the rights from their childhood upon their parents is to have a very good and healthy upbringing. During the time of maternity, he must have healthy food, and complete maintenance from the mother, to maintain his purity, cleanliness etc. and that will develop his body and strengthen him when he is born. Allah gave Talut leadership, and he described his two great attributes; that his body was strong and healthy and that he sought the knowledge all the time.
'And their Prophet (Samuel) said to them, "Indeed Allâh has appointed Talût (Saul) as a king over you." They said, "How can he be a king over us when we are better fitted than him for the kingdom, and he has not been given enough wealth." He said: "Verily, Allâh has chosen him above you and has increased him abundantly in knowledge and stature…" [EMQ 2:247]
The right of the children starts with having a good upbringing and healthy body, and the healthy body is capable to do anything that will benefit him and the Muslim brotherhood. The hadith states, 'The strong believer is dearest to Almighty Allah, than the weak believer, and both of them are good, but the one that is closer to Allah is the strong mu'min' – strong in his behaviour, iman, practising of the deen, Islamic values.

Another right of the children, is to raise them on good morals and values, from their childhood, because what is embedded in the heart and the mind of the child while he is young, will be always stuck and saved in his heart, and he will rarely leave it. So you should train them to speak the truth and be brave and generous, look after the guests, and be nice with the weak person, because that will bring allow them to grow up with a great personality, one which all parents wish to see on their children when they grow up and become responsible people in society.

You must develop their mental thinking – you do not want to overload them and carry something that they are not able to carry, nor ignore them completely. You can give them various intellectual exercises to stimulate their minds, and in the primary stages of life, introduce them to everything they see in this galaxy, that all of them are creations; that there is no Creator but Allah; in order for them to learn about all of that when they are older. So he will grow up thinking good about his Lord, and be aware that his Lord created everything. Develop them and train them to be able to carry out their ritual acts, such as Salah and also teach them what is related to it like wudu; the child must know how to do both, and is ordered from the age of seven to perform the salah, and will be disciplined by the age of 10.

The child likes to his mother or father in the salah and wudu, and will see that his father prays in the masjid regularly, and all of this will be planted in his heart and mind, so he will grow up knowing that he must go to the mosque with his father, because he used to accompany him to the mosque, and he sees his mum how to pray at home. From the age of 10, if he does not pray, he will be disciplined in a kind way, in order to teach him to perform his salah. That action, Allah made obligatory upon the parent, and made it the right of the children. That is the beauty of the Shari'ah-that it always wants to train them at an early age to have that love and attachment towards Allah (swt) even before they reach puberty. If you train him to obey Allah before the age of maturity, at least four or five years, whenever he reaches the age of puberty, he will do it naturally himself without any difficulty. But it will completely differ or oppose the result if the adult does not bother to teach the child his responsibilities and duties of practising his own deen.

The father and mother must think and care about teaching the child to recite the Qur'an and to memorise it. That is the best gift the parent can give to the child, so that he will be attached to the Qur'an from his childhood; he will know that it is the book of Allah that carries the divine command of Allah, thus he will have this strong attachment to it.

The parent should also teach him the Islamic rules aside of salah etc i.e. what is halal and haraam, so that when the child reaches puberty, he will not be accountable. What is obligatory, recommended, disliked etc. should all be developed within him so he knows his responsibility when he grows up, so the good parent will always seek the knowledge, the references etc

Another right upon the children from their mother and father is to protect their minds, which are constantly being abused by philosophy and man made views and ideas. The child needs to know the truth, because he will develop his personality based on that characteristic, therefore the parent must provide that to him.

Ultimately, all these points benefit the children and prevent them from harm, and even choosing the correct school (especially at primary level) can be aide to this. The parents must make sure that their children accompany the best and correct people and must tell the child who is good or bad – and encourage them to be with the good children rather than the bad. The parents must also choose very good friends for their children - you cannot choose just anyone to be friends with your child, rather you must make sure that your child is looked after by very good Muslim children, who perform their duties out of love of the action not out of force.

The child must be taught certain skills that are helpful for them in their lives, in the economy etc. The anbiyyah used to be carpenters and others were tradesmen - either way, the right of the children upon the parents are many. You must treat them equally and spend fairly on them – equality is subjective from situation to situation.

The daughter has right over her father, especially when she becomes mature, which is to marry her to whom he will be good for her to live with as a good practising Muslim. If the child is for example six years old, one day she will reach puberty, (though this varies from child to child) and she will either be wife or a mother, or even a Muslim woman who is not married. Regardless, the affect of the Muslim woman is great, as she has many responsibilities in life, and the duty of the father is to give special attention to his daughter, to develop her with the mentality of being under the authority of the mahram, and not let her be worried about where she is going to live tomorrow; what she will wear and what she will eat tomorrow, because that is his duty, or that of the husband or brother, as she is not obliged to provide these things for herself. So she must be developed with that mentality, and that is how she will become a good mother and wife.
Her father must teach her certain moral values, and the mother will teach her how to do the housework, or whatever she is obliged to do to be a good wife. Imagine if she becomes a good, beautiful child, articulate in her speech, and her husband is hungry but she says she doesn't know how to cook, he will become angry. Or if he has a hole in his trousers, she may say that she doesn't know how to stitch it. Or perhaps she doesn't know how to wash or cook or prepare things, but has a degree? How will her husband benefit from all the degrees if she is his wife? If she doesn't know her role, how will she be a good mother? The duty of the parent is to teach the girl all that is good. When the young girl does things with her mother and helps her mother with the housework, when the father comes from work very tired, the mother must make sure that the house is good for her husband, especially if she doesn't work outside the home. Islam solves any problem by saying to the girl, that you are a mother and wife whose honour needs to be protected; you have a job to raise the children and develop them properly, so that she can be a daiya to invite non-Muslim women to Islam.

Allah distinguishes between the role of the man and the woman, and it becomes of one over the other. The man shares a lot of Islamic obligations with the woman; some things are a duty upon men but not upon women and vice versa. Food, clothing and shelter is the job of the man and Allah curses the man who takes the job of woman and vice versa. The more a man becomes a man, and the woman becomes feminine, they will love each other, but if this is reversed, they will become something else completely! Unoosa is the one who speaks softly, politely, and makes the man love her, but if the man becomes like that and the woman becomes masculine that is a complete disaster! The women in the west drive tractors and work in the sewers, and the men do the jobs of the women.

A young boy will grow up to become a father, and a young girl will become a mother, so they both must be trained from a young age as to what their roles and responsibilities are. For example, you must teach your daughter the right of the husband, and the right of the wife, and that will make her develop properly. The father teaches her the right of the husband and the mother teachers her the right of the wife, and when the girl grows up, she will know what her husband's right is upon her and what is her duty towards her husband; he will never abuse her and say, 'You are equal like me, you have to go and find job, I am not going to feed you'. What kind of man is the husband who says to his wife, 'Both of us must find work, it is healthy for us. But don't expect me to feed you. If you work, you eat; if you don't work you don't eat'.

Raising children is not just about teaching the child maths and physics etc, rather it is about making the child a social being. The mother must teach her child about the hijab and the jilbab and must be taught what makes a good husband and a good wife. That will solve many problems in the future. The more they know about that, the better it will be for the future insha allah.