should i trust her

[unsure]

i got married but my wife didnt bleed or have pain on my wedding night. i talked about it once with her and told her that i wasnt pleased but she pretended to cry and later swore on allah that she didnt do anything bad. but i cant stop thinking about it so today i spoke about it again and told her how i found it strange that she didnt bleed and she said that she hasnt done anything. she says that she doesnt know what is supposed to happen on first night and when i ask for explanation she says she doesnt know anything but i dont know to believe her or not. how can i be sure?

[sajid]

Get rid of those thoughts and stop doubting if i were you...

[sunrise]

akhee this is an extremley closed minded attitude!

are you a doctor or a gp?

akhee not all sisters are the same...not everyone 'bleeds' or experience discomfort to the extent of pain.

You must understand that sometimes when females are young it can get 'broken' through physcial activity for example horse riding gymnastics etc

also it all depends on how she was feeling at the time, if she felt relaxed then it's unlikely she was tense and felt so much pain...instead of doubting her you should feel happy she was comfortable being with you.

Allah hu a3lam on what she has or has not done, but we have been warned of being suspicious it's truly an evil thing.

IF and a big if she has had pre-marriage relations then as long as she never does it again and has made istigfar and sought tawbah from Allah then it's between her and Allah.


Don't plauge yourself and ruin a marriage over 'tradtion' and 'lack of knowledge'

[dhakiyya]

Some women are born without a hymen (the bit that gets torn the first time) and others it is so flimsy that it breaks without them knowing and without any blood. And the advice above is excellent advice mashaAllah.

[MMS]

men r clueless :banghead:

[abcdefghij]

you said she didnt bleed, a woman doesnt have to have intercourse for that to happen, even strenuous exercise could cause her to bleed, so when it comes to her wedding night, it wont happen coz it only happens once. there are other ways u can tell but its just embarrassing mentioning it. i think shes married to you now, so whatever was in her past, should be left in her past. marriage is a new beginning. TRUST HER!

[THE PATH 2]

TRUST YOURE WIFE:)


for the rest of youre marriage /life you will need to trust her

im twice married:D..

none of my wives bled..its not compulsory

[THE PATH 2]

men r clueless :banghead:

some:D:coolbro:

[unsure]

TRUST YOURE WIFE:)


for the rest of youre marriage /life you will need to trust her

im twice married:D..

none of my wives bled..its not compulsory


isnt that freaky? if the first one didnt bleed and the second one didnt bleed and they both are meant to be virgin then whats the chances of you marrying two women like that? we had a big row about this issue a few months back. i told her that some husbands wouldnt even keep the wife with them if she didnt bleed and that i didnt know what to do. thats when she swore on allah that she hasnt done anything wrong and today she said again she hasnt done anything wrong but i think its cos i love her that i get jealous. i cant bear the thought of another man even looking at her and i told her aswell that if she ever betrayed then it wouldnt result in anything good for her. i dont know i think im too jealous sometimes. but she does seem good.

[neelu]

i talked about it once with her and told her that i wasnt pleased but she pretended to cry and later swore on allah that she didnt do anything bad.

What leads you to believe she was pretending? I don't know you or your wife but you come across as suspicious minded on an unhealthy level. Were there actual things she said or did on other occasions which have brought about this suspicion or are you only worried on the basis that she didn't bleed? The whole idea that a woman must bleed on her wedding night is a myth, some women do bleed and some naturally don't. If I married a man who thought like that I'd make d@mn sure he bleeds on his wedding night :torture:

[Baybars]

Of course you should trust her. Trust is about letting your guard down some, and leaving yourself vulnerable. It means giving the other person the higher ground, and if your marriage is going to work out in the long run, you need to give a little trust.

I kind of don’t want to say this brother, but I will. I found your post most irritating. It is madness inspired by shaytan to think this way. Give it up fast, and instil some confidence in your wife towards you, otherwise she will soon start to lose respect for you, and you don’t want to start a lifelong marriage in this way. You can’t ask your new bride a question like this. You’ve seriously expressed extremely poor etiquette.

Get over your doubts, and get on with your life. Don’t torture yourself and this poor girl with your own twisted brand of paranoia.

[.: Anna :.]

These doubts r just whispers from Shaytan trying to cause a problem in ur marriage, it is a very beloved deed to him to create arguments and disagreements between a married couple. If ur wife swore she has not done nething wrong u should accept that now, it is not correct to have suspicion about a Muslim and not correct to make accusations about Muslim women without clear proof and evidence. This thing does not count as such proof or evidence.
Insha allah u better make it up to ur wife and apologise for how u have treated her and doubted her, it is not the best start to a marriage. Ask Allah to help u trust ur wife and avoid unnecessary suspicions and accusations.
And brothers should all educate themselves and stop presuming that a lack of alot of blood indicates previous zina its really not the case
:banghead:

[Chained_Water]

isnt that freaky? if the first one didnt bleed and the second one didnt bleed and they both are meant to be virgin then whats the chances of you marrying two women like that? we had a big row about this issue a few months back. i told her that some husbands wouldnt even keep the wife with them if she didnt bleed and that i didnt know what to do. thats when she swore on allah that she hasnt done anything wrong and today she said again she hasnt done anything wrong but i think its cos i love her that i get jealous. i cant bear the thought of another man even looking at her and i told her aswell that if she ever betrayed then it wouldnt result in anything good for her. i dont know i think im too jealous sometimes. but she does seem good.I can't believe I am reading something so ignorant and sickening.

I feel sorry for your wife.. may Allah(swt) grant her sabr and grant you wisdom.

Everyones given you good advice, you should take it.. and no offence but your behaviour toward your wife has been absolutely despicable.

[123abc]

I know what your going through bro, I went through the exact same phase. I'll tell you one thing, when a women does zina etc and then reverts back to Islam she feels great regret for it and will tell you herself she commited it. It's just the way women are. These types of topics are hard for them to keep under wraps and it eats away at them until they finally get it out.
But if she doesn't bring it up or looks decent enough or hasnt been down that road before etc then she probably hasn't done indecent stuff.
Trust me, I've had prospects from both sides and when a women does have a past, she will spit it out sooner or later. But if she doesnt say anything about it then she is probably chaste.

This is just from my experiences.

[`asiya]

isnt that freaky? if the first one didnt bleed and the second one didnt bleed and they both are meant to be virgin then whats the chances of you marrying two women like that? we had a big row about this issue a few months back. i told her that some husbands wouldnt even keep the wife with them if she didnt bleed and that i didnt know what to do. thats when she swore on allah that she hasnt done anything wrong and today she said again she hasnt done anything wrong but i think its cos i love her that i get jealous. i cant bear the thought of another man even looking at her and i told her aswell that if she ever betrayed then it wouldnt result in anything good for her. i dont know i think im too jealous sometimes. but she does seem good.

she swore by Allah subahanna wa ta ala and you still dont want to believe her! may Allah guide you! this is from the whispers of shaitan. The prophet salAllahu alleyhi wa salam said " suspicion of a muslim is from shaitan" and you should ask Allah to forgive you, its outrageous that you expect your wife to bleed, this is not the case at all! and it is ignorant to beleive that bleeding is somehow a sign of virginity, it is actually more rare for a women to bleed on her first time, unless she is being treated in a rough way. Fear Allah brother, and apologise to your wife for suspecting her and repent to Allah, as Allah ta ala says in the Quran:

And those who accuse chaste women, and produce not four witnesses, flog them with eighty stripes, and reject their testimony forever, they indeed are the Fâsiqûn (liars, rebellious, disobedient to Allâh).

Except those who repent thereafter and do righteous deeds, (for such) verily, Allâh is Oft-Forgiving, Most Merciful. ( surah 24:4-5)

[Umm 'Umarah]

I know what your going through bro, I went through the exact same phase. I'll tell you one thing, when a women does zina etc and then reverts back to Islam she feels great regret for it and will tell you herself she commited it. It's just the way women are. These types of topics are hard for them to keep under wraps and it eats away at them until they finally get it out.
But if she doesn't bring it up or looks decent enough or hasnt been down that road before etc then she probably hasn't done indecent stuff.
Trust me, I've had prospects from both sides and when a women does have a past, she will spit it out sooner or later. But if she doesnt say anything about it then she is probably chaste.

This is just from my experiences.
her past has nothing to do with your current life, what should concern you is what she does after you consummated your nikah, other than that you have no right to be suspicious of her and her past. bleeding is a cultural nonsense that people lay importance on. lay importance on what is important in Islaam. you're letting the shaytaan cause havoc in your marriage and one of biggest foundations in your marriage and your wife's chasisty. don't let it.

[unsure]

i dont know what it is with me. i ignore this thing for ages but i cant get it completely out of my head. before i wasnt too much bothered because i didnt really care for my wife but recently i have developed some emotions for her and thats whats made me think about all these things again. i think im just going to have to trust her isnt it. she's never given me a reason to doubt her but she tends to lie or twist things and thats what makes me unsure. she will do something and then lie about it.

[Al Qadr]

i got married but my wife didnt bleed or have pain on my wedding night. i talked about it once with her and told her that i wasnt pleased but she pretended to cry and later swore on allah that she didnt do anything bad. but i cant stop thinking about it so today i spoke about it again and told her how i found it strange that she didnt bleed and she said that she hasnt done anything. she says that she doesnt know what is supposed to happen on first night and when i ask for explanation she says she doesnt know anything but i dont know to believe her or not. how can i be sure?

"Pretended to cry" ?

Womens hymen can break during menstruation or when doing sports.
If she says she hasn't done anything, then believe her. Doubt can ruin relationships and it is not good to be suspicious.

[Eemaan]

dude you sound like a raat caveman :(

[Sister-Ameena*]

:salams The way I see it, you're mad because you doubt your wife was a virgin. It's really quite ignorant of you because the 'bleeding' myth isn't in the least bit true. You can't tell whether anyone's a virgin or not, so trust your wife. If she says she doesn't know what's wrong, believe her.

[Chained_Water]

i dont know what it is with me. i ignore this thing for ages but i cant get it completely out of my head. before i wasnt too much bothered because i didnt really care for my wife but recently i have developed some emotions for her and thats whats made me think about all these things again. i think im just going to have to trust her isnt it. she's never given me a reason to doubt her but she tends to lie or twist things and thats what makes me unsure. she will do something and then lie about it.

You are going along a path of destruction.. this is a sure fire way to make your wife hate you. IF [and considering your poor judgement it's a big if] she has ever lied to you do you think maybe it was for damage-control reasons? Perhaps she doesn't trust you anymore. Perhaps she fears you will be accusatory and unforgiving about every little matter and she is scared of your reaction to anything.

If you behave like this toward her, you will destroy any chance of happiness with her.

She is not at fault her, she is a victim of your ignorance and no woman should be treated like this :( ..false accusations like this against a Muslimah would merit 80 lashes under shariah, that is what Allah(swt) decrees.

[Lone Wolf]

Do you know why women bleed the first time? Because there is something called the hymen which breaks.

But the hymen can be broken in many ways that have nothing to do with having intercourse.

It can be broken through stretching, through riding a horse/bike, gymnastics, tampons, medical procedures!!

If it broke during a time when she was on her period, she would probably not even be aware that it had broken because there is a lot of blood and pain anyway!

I feel sorry for your wife, it seems that she got herself a pretty poor excuse for a husband!!

If you're a man, then you'll take her word for it and apologise to her. You'll go out of your way to make it up to her and reassure her that you're the idiot and not her.

I can't believe there's still men like this about!!

[Lone Wolf]

what happened to my post?

[PiElle2]

i dont know what it is with me. i ignore this thing for ages but i cant get it completely out of my head. before i wasnt too much bothered because i didnt really care for my wife but recently i have developed some emotions for her and thats whats made me think about all these things again. i think im just going to have to trust her isnt it. she's never given me a reason to doubt her but she tends to lie or twist things and thats what makes me unsure. she will do something and then lie about it.

What do you mean by that, bro? Makes me feel sorry she married you cos you dun seem to know how to treat women your wife/s well and right. :mad:

I suggest you repent for being so selfish all along and turn to Allah immediately for guidance.

[.: Anna :.]

what happened to my post?

u have to wait for us to come and click approve cos this is a moderated forum. now it is done, bt they dnt come immediately

[Unregistered111]

Brother this is a COMMON MYTH that men fall for. its Unfortunate that they believe something that has been proven false.
Secondly Ignore the whispers of shaytaan, Thats all i can say. Not every woman bleeds on the first night, do some research and you will see for yourself that this is the truth.
Listen to what others here have said and dont spoil your relationship, open up your mind please dont be so narrow minded.

[learnbiology]

Did u expect to see the blood gushing out or something? Sometimes there is blood that is just on the surface and she will only see when she cleans herself, but the hymen is a thin piece of tissue it doesnt have loads of blood that you will see her haemorrhaging! So dont assume anything

And she swore by Allah that she had never committed anything, so how can you still not believe her? You should fear Allah that you are doubting her and you seem to be pretty ignorant about everything

[Na'eemah]

Well everyone has said what needed to have been said, not all women are the same.


Trust your wife and don't think about it as it may lead to feelings of resentment.

Allah swt will act accordingly with everyone, and only he knows the truth.

About the lying about other things, our wife must know that one of the characteristics of the hypocrite (I think) is if they lie when they speak, so gently remind her of the punishment of liars, maybe get an Islamic book on lying and leave it somewhere where she can read for herself.

If you call her a liar she might think you will never believe her for anything and in turn WILL start lying (self fulfilling prophecy - eg if you call someone dumb and delinquent, they will start to pay no attention to the rules and will act dumb etc).

[elji]

i got married but my wife didnt bleed or have pain on my wedding night. i talked about it once with her and told her that i wasnt pleased but she pretended to cry and later swore on allah that she didnt do anything bad. but i cant stop thinking about it so today i spoke about it again and told her how i found it strange that she didnt bleed and she said that she hasnt done anything. she says that she doesnt know what is supposed to happen on first night and when i ask for explanation she says she doesnt know anything but i dont know to believe her or not. how can i be sure?

mods: let this post through its a wake up call.

Dumb ass stop being such a plum.

[Phil]

Trust breeds trust.

If you can't trust your wife why should she trust you?

I would trust my wife with my life without hesitation on simply her casual say so.

I think you need to think what kind of relationship you want.

[Tic~Tac-Toe]

dude you sound like a raat caveman :(

:rofl1::rofl1::rofl1::rofl1:

[Hekmaa]

Moderators and the rest who have been lashing at the brother, grow up please. Do you think if he didnt have a problem with the issue that he would come to this place to ask? so why dont you think before you move the boneless piece of flesh between your jaws.

Brother, Shaytan has many tricks to play with out minds, but know well that these cultural 'milestones' mean nothing in Islam. Islam is not about scoring red marks, or having her bleed.

There are many women who do go down that road and then have a operation, then she does bleed a second time, does that make her clean? or a women does go down that path but then makes Tawbah, is she not clean?

Brother the reality is, what she is now. If she is following Islam, her past has nothing to do with you, some sisters share there past because they trust a person, and that is out of their goodness.

So dont let these things get into your mind, dont ruin your moments of pleasure with her with this satanic thoughts. She is as good as you allow her to be, she could be an angel and if you think bad of her, you will only see a devil.

Fear Allah, for such thoughts lead to dhaan and after dhaan comes bad name.

[1 LOVE 1 DEEN]

Assalmualaikum.

I think there is a bigger issue at hand than just the trust issue regarding your wife's virginity.

From what you have said it is uncertain whether or not you married this sister for the right reasons. The thing is you're married to her now and you need to make the best of it, otherwise you will ruin her life and your own.

As people we all have our flaws, when you love someone you try to focus on there good attributes and forget any flaws they may have. I suggest you do this.

Think all the good things about your wife, maybe if she smells nice, cooks good food, has a nice smile etc etc Fill your mind with positive thoughts and make a conscious effort to be extra loving towards her and inshallah your married life will move in the right direction.

Most sisters would not stand for the accusation you have made against your wife. You should be grateful you aint asking us if frozen peas or ice on its own is best for reducing a swelling on your head!

Be grateful for what Allah has given you. Be good to your wife and you will see her love and affection for you grow. This will please your heart. In addition be regular in your worship of Allah and seek protection from the whispers of the shaytaan.

May Allah bless us all with a loving spouse.

[Fairy]

Some of you are just being nasty to unsure :confused:

Listen unsure, having doubts like this could probably cause your marriage to fall apart. Take a step back, she married you. So she obviously wants to be with you. I know if you keep saying the same thing again and again, it could lead her to leave you!!

[1 LOVE 1 DEEN]

any reasons for why my post isn't up?

[.:Zeal:.]

1 Love 1 Deen, please see post 25 or the sticky thread "where has my reply gone - please read this"

Jazak Allah Khayran

[Neena77]

What leads you to believe she was pretending? I don't know you or your wife but you come across as suspicious minded on an unhealthy level. Were there actual things she said or did on other occasions which have brought about this suspicion or are you only worried on the basis that she didn't bleed? The whole idea that a woman must bleed on her wedding night is a myth, some women do bleed and some naturally don't. If I married a man who thought like that I'd make d@mn sure he bleeds on his wedding night :torture:

Oh dear....I bet you would:-) loool
Men who do not trust their wives because they 'love'them always leave me confused...whats the point in that marriage? you are causing unnecessary strain in your marriage at such a crucial stage...stop it...enjoy the fact that she is yours, thank allah that you are married to someone you feel so strongly for!!!
Many people would love to be married to a person who they found attractive etc...don't spoil it:up:

[Abu Amr]

my ex wife never bled & she was a virgin.

also, as a doctor, i can tell you medically its not always a marker of a virginity.

[prashantnew]

Salaam, I'm no scholar or anything, But I'm sure I read that the devil or his minions love to try to break up marriages. (please someone correct me if im wrong). Just keep that in mind.

Inshallah hope things go well for ya :)