How to move on?

[Worn Out]

Six years ago, I moved to a different country and married a Muslim revert (although I prefer the term “convert”, but that’s besides the point). We had our ups and downs, but I honestly thought we were happy. We purchased a house, and achieved a lot in this time frame, and my perception was that we were just starting to embark on our lives together – having kids, that sort of thing. Evidently we were not very happy, or at least my wife was not, because about 6 months ago, she started an affair with a man about twenty years older then her. My wife was also a few years older then I. Eventually, I found out about the affair by snooping around, because I had a hunch that something was not right. Prior to February of this year, I would not have believed for a single second that she would be capable of something like an affair, there was just no way. Honestly, there was just no way on this Earth that she could have done something like this. I still don’t understand it till this day. Anyway, in short, I ended up telling her that I could forgive her if she ended the affair, and we could move forward with our lives; try to fill any voids that we both had. I don’t know whether this was a foolish attempt to clutch at straws, or if I was being genuinely compassionate and forgiving; I certainly hope it was the latter. So, things were good for a few days, but then I started to have suspicions again, and a few weeks later I discovered that she was still having the affair. That was it for me. Enough. So I ended the marriage, which was a decision she didn’t contest for a second. The way I found out, and the things that I discovered she did and was capable of doing were terrible. I didn’t know her at all. I didn’t marry that person. Anyway, apparently she was falling in love with this man, and was not in love with me anymore. I was obviously livid and heartbroken, and my heart still hurts, but after a few hours I calmed down and we talked about things. She told me that I really didn’t do anything wrong. Yeah we had a couple of big arguments over the years, but she said I was a good husband, and she couldn’t really fault me in any way that was great enough to push her away, or to make her do what she did. She just said that she thought she had changed over the years. I left my family and everything behind for her, and I had resolved in my heart and mind that I was going to take care of her in her old age. I was happy with the simple things in life. I don’t understand how a person can be capable of doing what she did. I guess it helped that this man was a big shot executive, making lots of money. Anyway, I ended up losing everything I have built over the last few years, and have moved back to my own country after six years, to start a new life. Or maybe it’s the old one that I am jump-starting again, I don’t really know. I wish her well, and am still in contact with her. She says that I am her best friend in the whole world, and that she still loves me. I don’t understand that. How could you cause someone who you love so much pain and suffering? Isn’t sacrifice the mantle of love? If it is, then how can you really love someone if you take everything away from him or her, including and above all, yourself? I still love her, and I fear for her Iman the most. A few weeks ago I went to visit my family in my home country, and when I returned to our house, my wife had added a couple of decorative items to the mantle, above the fireplace. There were two Buddha heads there. I don’t understand that. Really, once you have tasted Islam, really tasted Islam, anything and everything else is detestable. I find myself wandering if she was really a Muslim in the first place. Did she lie, just to get someone, to convince me? Who was I to question her faith, how was I supposed to know? It was then that I resolved it was over for me, and I would move back to my home country. She was all I had there, and was the reason I was there. Without her, there was nobody else to keep me in a foreign country (even though it had become home, and I loved it there), and no point really. I worry about her, a lot. Six years is a long time to spend with someone, and I can’t help but worry about her health, her habits, and above all, her iman. I can’t just throw it away as though it never happened at all. I can’t make it irrelevant; it was six years, the prime of my life. That’s the reason why I am still in touch with her. Plus there are other things to deal with, such as the divorce. Everything I have known is gone. She was like a soul mate to me, she was my rock, and I feel lost now. I'm staying at one of my siblings’ house and they are all being very supportive, (besides my parents, but that’s a whole different chapter and then some). My problem is that I’m just sad, and while I don’t lose hope, I have lost the happiness and sweetness of life. That sweetness, that makes things easier. Now everything seems so difficult and pointless. I feel like I have had the wind knocked out of me. Well that’s a major understatement. I feel as though this must be a shadow of what death would feel like, to have everything taken away from you like that. The things and life that you love, those things that you are attached and accustomed to, having them just snatched away. The drive to make and live a good life is gone. I mean I want it, but I just don’t have any motivation to do it again. I don’t know if I can do it again. I don’t know where to start.

How do I move forward? What was the point in moving away, and spending years there, and then losing my life? Is there a purpose? Was it all a waste? I’d like to think there was some purpose, but am I just kidding myself? How do I move on and put this behind me? Will it ever get easier? Will I ever be happy again? Will I ever trust anyone again? Is everything supposed to be a lesson or a test? Is there a difference between a test and punishment? If there is, then how do you know which one is which? How do you know if you are being punished or if you are being tested?

You don’t have to attempt to answer all of these questions, nobody does. I’m just ranting, venting, being self-pitiful, whatever you might call it. But do you know what I mean, right?

I have spoken to one of my best friends about this, and all of my best friends are Muslim. He said that I’ll get through it, cause if any one of us could, it would be me, cause according to him, I have always been the strongest one. I feel weak though, so completely wasted. I feel like I am ill, like I am really missing a rib. I don’t have anything left inside. I was running on empty a long time ago, and I don’t want to be tested anymore. I just want it all to stop. I just want that period of ease that comes after hardship. I’m tired of being strong; I’m tired of being patient. I know though that there is nothing else that I can do. There used to be a time when I could smile, such a big smile. Not now. Now I just feel like one big walking frown. I don’t want to be tested like this. I don’t want it anymore. And if I’m being punished, then you guys can bare witness that I am sincerely sorry for the things that I did or didn’t do. I just want to be happy. I didn’t want my marriage to end. I wasn’t prepared for it. I wasn’t ready for it. I’m tired, and I’m sorry. I just want to live a life that pleases Allah.

I feel terrible. Do you know what I mean?

[Muslimah Wifey]

Salaam Alaikum,

While I have no idea how it must feel to have your spouse have an affair, I can only imagine it must be devastating. My advice as hard as it may be is to just move in. I think it is good how you have had a change of enviornment are living with supportive family, try to busy your time with bettering yourself. Don't give yourself any time to think about it.

One thing you might want to consider... you said you had kids with her? Are the kids in yours or her custody? I think it is very important tht you stay active in your kids life and make sure they are getting a pious Muslim upbringing.

Also, I wouldn't believe her when she tells you she still loves you. She is being selfish by saying that you are her best friend, she only wants the both of best worlds (a rich new lover, and the loyalty of you). I would completely cut her out of your life except for matters that concern the kids.

When the time is right and you have healed God will bring you someone better inshAllah.

[PiElle2]

Hey dun be so hard on yourself. Things happen to everyone in life.

You both are just not meant to be together for long, that's all, no need feel bad about it.

Life still has to go on... how to move on...?

Well.. I'm sure there are lots of things you could do... instead of using your time thinking about the past, how about using those time to think more for the future? Past is the past, ain't going to come back to you, the future is in front of you.

You know what... keep doing things that pleases Allah, have some patience and better things will definitely come your way.

May Allah be with you. Ameen.:)

[Te'oma]

Reading your post was almost enough to bring tears to my eyes. I could almost feel the pain myself for what you have gone through. Alhumdilulah that this happened before you two had kids because they would have been caught in the middle. Take comfort that Allah(SWT) does not burden us with more then we can bear and when you are through this trial, you will be the stronger for it. Insha allah he will provide you with a better wife next time.

[Saddened]

This will take time. It's good you are with your family. Why not take part in activities to help take your mind of this such as learning a new skill or participate in a sport.



"No calamity befalls, but with the Leave (i.e. decision and Qadar (Divine pre-ordainments)) of Allah" 64:11



"Say (O Muhammad): ‘Allah rescues you from it and all other distresses..’’ 6:64



"And if Allah touches you with harm, none can remove it but He…" 6:17



"Peace be upon you for that you persevered in patience!" 13:24



"Salaam ‘Alaykum for that you persevered in patience!" Qur’an 13:24



"If you are suffering (hardships) then surely, they (too) are suffering (hardships) as you are suffering, but you have a hope from Allah (for the reward, i.e. Paradise) that for which they hope not." 4:104



"Only those who are patient shall receive their rewards in full, without reckoning" 39:10

[assia]

Salaam..........



Dear brother........

I have been in the same situation as you, and loved my husband so much....... that i would do anything for him, he told me he loved me ,and showed me his love that i was convinced we would be together forever......

However... he was a lier , a cheat and mind player, he played with my mind and my emotions.... i found so much evidence that he was cheated, but tried to convince myself it was all in my head, as this what he would do also... he would get angry, upset and not speak to me for weeks, then i would apologise and beg for his forgiveness.... untill one night i CAUGHT him with a women... it turned my life up side down, i drove my car into the night trying to get back home... crying and screaming whilst i was driving... i nearly killed myself when i lost control of my car.... nest day he told me it was a work meeting.. Yeh right!!!!!! at 1am in the morning half naked.....


Brother once a cheat always a cheat.... and they always try to tell you that they still love you and have feelings for you, these are lies.... they just dont want you to move on and find somebody else, they want the best of both world.... Brother... she is not worth your time, or energy, do not waste a phone call on her... or talk to her... move away from her and stay as far as possible away from her, these people are not worth our time... you are a human being with feelings and she has walked all over your heart.. If you still stay in touch with her you will never move on, the mind games she will remain to play with you and the lies that she loves you, if she loved you she would not cheat on you, do not believe her brother trust me on this one.

Move on and tell her never to contact you again... and insha'Allah Allah (swt) will help you pull through this.....


Take care masalaama

[ummbilal]

Brother4, It is so moving to read your post, Allhumdulilah this woman showed you her true colours before you had children together, inshaallah there is a better wife for you.
I am touched that you still care for her and her iman, remember her in your duas but dont let her prevent you moving on with your life, this is all a test for us, I agree someone who has tasted islam and the beauty of it properly would never do something like put shirk up in their house, maybe she didnt have a proper understanding of islam to begin with, after all she committed zina.

subhannallah brother, you will be blessed with a pious and better wife inshaallah.

[*hayat*]

may Allah help you get through this,

i would advice you to cut away from her is possible, you love her but she is lost and she is messing around, she can mess up ur life too..if you two are divorced then especially stop seening her as its sinful, if she wanted you as a best friend then she had an option to stay wwith you, if u have kids then take the kids away if you think she can't bring them up as muslims,

be proud of yourself for nto losing ur Iman and faith in Allah as many ppl start to go too much into self-pity when they are put in difficult situations..

i hope ur problems are solved, pray lots and remember Allah all times and think about what you do have...

[assia]

salaam.......... i did post something before from past experience but it appears they did not want to display what i wrote.... which was not bad..... so im confused why they did not want to show it.....



Dear brother the best thing for you is to move on with your life , make dua and pray to Allah (swt) he will listen to you...... insha'Allah with sabr.... the pain will ease... it did for me...... i had to make sure there was no contact between me and my husband in order for me to move on.... Dont listen to her words that she loves you still as if you do it will prevent you from moving on... you are a human being and deserve to be happy... She has put you through pain and heartache, you owe it to your self to be happy again .... and you will.... with sabr insh'Allah..... You will find the perfect wife, ask Allah (swt) to guide you to the right path in finding what you want...


Sister in islam

[*hayat*]

i read this somewhere..

Narrated Abu Hurayrah: Allah's Apostle (Sallahu Alayki Wasalam) said: A strong believer is better and is more lovable to Allah than a weak believer, and there is good in everyone, (but) cherish that which gives you benefit (in the Hereafter) and seek help from Allah and do not lose heart, and if anything (in the form of trouble) comes to you, don't say: If I had not done that, it would not have happened so and so, but say: Allah did that what He had ordained to do and your "if" opens the (gate for the Satan.
(Sahih Muslim: Book 32, Number 6441)

[muslim_sis]

Reading your post was almost enough to bring tears to my eyes. I could almost feel the pain myself for what you have gone through. Alhumdilulah that this happened before you two had kids because they would have been caught in the middle. Take comfort that Allah(SWT) does not burden us with more then we can bear and when you are through this trial, you will be the stronger for it. Insha allah he will provide you with a better wife next time.
yep subhanallah.

Assalamu Alaykum 'worn out'

Brother this is a tough situation and be assured that Allah tests those whom He loves! And I advise you to read ''dua, the weapon of the believer'', in there I read something that can be so soothing and makes you remember it at time like the way you are feeling, like you cant take the tests anymore and you dont want no more. SubhanAllah it is at this time when you feel like you cant go on or cope, that in fact Allah grants you ease, grants you relief. But we need to have patience. It is such an uplifted virtue subhanallah, but we are not perfect therefore we wont be 100% in patience or anything else as a matter of fact ! But Alhamdulilah Mashallah, throughout this you've remembered Allah and you've been scared about you and your 'wife's' emaan. That was part of your worry. Alhamdulilah you love Allah, InshAllah Allah will love you and answer your dua if you are consistant in your worship.

Look around and think of all the things you are blessed with. I know at a time like this you will feel like you have nothing as you've said, but look beyond it. You are a believer, and the difference between the believer and the non believer is that the believer is content with what ever he has and is happy because this is what Allah gave him. Where as the non believers are looking for their paradise here. We want paradise in the hereafter, not in this life !

Thank Allah for your situation even though it is difficult. It is from Allah. Through difficulties we make so much dua and at this time we come closest to Allah, it is our oppertunity ! Because in this time we know truly and sincerely that IT IS ONLY ALLAH that will be able to help, He has power over all and only He can change things. Allahu Akbar. Believe in Allah. Believe that not all people are as your previous wife with regards to trusting people. I think its realistic now that you'd be more cautious because of what you've been through Alhamdulilah but remember Allah has put good and bad, muslim and non muslim people on this Earth and Only Allah knows whats in the hearts of people and He WILL deal with them accordingly. Trust in Allah, Allah will help you and make you over come this sorrow that you feel.

Remember that the purpose of life is to worship Allah. It is all a big test. Renew your faith, read up more, remind yourself, learn some more Quran etc and InshAllah that will increase you in emaan ! ... It is a few years of what feels like you wasted your time of one sided happiness, but remember Allah rewards the believer with any little difficulty they go through. Allah InshAllah will have something beautiful waiting for you. We do not know the future. Sometimes we think 'I dont know how I will get on' but we still wake up the next morning by Allah. We dont see the light at the end of tunnel when we are in a situation but you have Islam and Alhamdulilah patience.

May Allah grant you ease and reward you Ameen !

[elji]

That hurts. Im very sorry for you. Patience is the key i guess! i'll pray for you for sure.

[*IslamicGirl*]

:start:

:salams

Brother understand that success is with the truth- and Allah does not burden a soul more than it can bear.

Let me tell you that these are the sort of people who try to break a person up mentally be it intentional or unintentional.

You are lucky there are no children- one of your brother in Islam was in the same –ish situation but now he has an 12 year old daughter whom he hasn’t seen for 7 plus years. Please keep this brother in your Duas :insha:

It tears one up- all this pain and there’s so much of it that life loses it’s meaning. Yet this was your test to endure to emerge a better person with a brighter future.

When the angel of death takes your soul you’ll look back and realise it was nothing- this situation could have much Barakha and forgiveness from Allah for you- do not despair because things cannot remain the same.


We make our choices and we take the consequences.

You mark my words akhee although you know this: the new relationship your ex-wife has will not under any circumstances last. Money is a powerful aphrodisiac for some but it never cements a relationship. You see celebrities breaking up, well known people who run after this Dunya breaking up- do they think that without the truth their relationship can last?

In Allah do the Believers trust and He most certainly looks after His devoted slaves :love:


May Allah give you someone who completes you and strengthens you in your Deen. You may be miserable now akhee but when her new relationship breaks up she’s be more lonely and miserable and wretched than you are.


The end for these selfish people isn’t good- they end up bitter, twisted and lonely.

They don’t care what they have sent forth and whose hearts they have broken in their selfish pursuit.

Loads of Duas akhee.


:wswrwb:

[Unregistered23]

Salaam brother,
I agree with all the advice given above and I also think that in order for you to move on you have to cut of ALL ties to her.
COMPLETELY.
You need to do this to redefine yourself and find that inner drive again.
YOU HAVE TO isolate yourself from her.
Draw on the energy of friends and family- Avoid being alone as much as you can by surrounding yourself with ppl and activities that can make you see the bright side of life.
When you ARE alone use that time on remembering Allah, praying etc.
PLZ try to do this. You just need to do this for yourself dear brother.
It´s a matter of redefining your life to not evolve around another person. YOu have to become emotionally "stable" and find that inner happiness and when the time is right you will meet someone better inshallah.
PLZ just pray for that woman- you cannot guide her truly only GOD can do that so pray for her and cut off the ties.
All the love in the world your way and I´ll keep you in my prayers inshallah

[In same boat]

AoA.....


Brother reading your post make me really sad, and remind me about my situation wich is pretty same.

All i can say is move on, i know it hurt so much but what else you can do?
Dont contact her she is so selfish if she is saying she love you and plah plah she dont wanna see you happy she want you to be misrebly and sound so un happy.

Do favour to your self and move on and make your self busy so you dont have time to remember or think of her it will be hard in the beginning but will be much better later on.

You are kind person if you still care for her, that means you will get your trustfull wife inshAllah. Pray alot and make dua.

Take care brother in Islam

[Medievalist]

Bro - forget her. Women like that aren't worth even thinking about and you're better off without her. mashaALLAH.

May ALLAH Ta'ala grant you a pious chaste affectionate wife who brings out the good in you and in who you bring out the good - ameen

[Worn Out]

Thank Allah for the words of kindness and concern that you all have expressed. You guys truly bought tears to my eyes, and alleviated some suffering, just by acknowledging my post and reading it. I pray that Allah shows you all mercy and compassion in your daily lives and especially during your times of need.

Knowing that there was someone that recognised the way I felt, more importantly, that there were muslims, even though they were strangers, who understood my pain for a while, has made me realise the importance of being patient and just hanging in there. I was thinking that maybe there was something wrong with me. I thought that maybe I was more sad than I should be, because I still have faith, above everything else, so really I should be as happy as a clam at high tide. I realise though that having sabr and being patient is to acknowledge that the sadness I feel is normal, justified and is from Allah. Maybe it’s even a gift that breeds humility, and closeness to Allah. If that’s true then it must be working, because I do feel somewhat humbled, and I do feel closer to Allah then I have in a long time. I have been praying more then I have in a long time, and while I kind of feel bad about that, it’s still a good thing.

I do know that happiness must lie around the corner, I mean I’m only thirty-one and still considered a young blood to some degree. Inshallah I trust Allah will provide for me, he always has, I just have to stick it out and move forward. I think it was all just such a shock and a surprise that I need to be patient and inshallah I will become accustomed to Allah’s plan for me.

I realise that I have to cut ties with her, and I am preparing to do that. There are some financial and legal issues that still need to be resolved, and I am keeping my contact as minimal as I can until they are resolved. You are all right though, I need to make a clean break, and my intention is to do so.

The hardest part is being unsettled after being settled. I really became accustomed to being married and living the married life, especially considering that my parents didn’t really provide an Islamic and caring environment. Inshallah I will have it again.

Thanks again brothers and sisters. At a time when being betrayed by the person that was supposed to be the closest to me, left me wondering about what goodness must be left in the world, you guys have given me a glimpse of the good there is. And although you bought tears to my eyes (in a good way), you made me smile and reinforced my hope and trust in Allah.

If you guys could remember me in your prayers, I would appreciate it. This might sound strange, but if you could specifically pray for me for hidayah and a strong and secure relationship with Allah, Also for my peace of mind, for a pious, Allah fearing, faithful and supportive wife, for a beautiful wife, for a new job, and for general ease. And, if you could also ask that Allah provide me with these things sooner rather then later (if that’s permissible), that would also be appreciated. I will pray that Allah makes all of your ambitions come true, and that you achieve soon in this life, peace and contentment and above all a relationship with Allah that is the pinnacle of a relationship one can have with Allah, in this generation.

I apologise if this is somewhat long winded, but posting here lifts the burden somewhat.

Jazakallah!

[kamalysalma]

Thank Allah for the words of kindness and concern that you all have expressed. You guys truly bought tears to my eyes, and alleviated some suffering, just by acknowledging my post and reading it. I pray that Allah shows you all mercy and compassion in your daily lives and especially during your times of need.

Knowing that there was someone that recognised the way I felt, more importantly, that there were muslims, even though they were strangers, who understood my pain for a while, has made me realise the importance of being patient and just hanging in there. I was thinking that maybe there was something wrong with me. I thought that maybe I was more sad than I should be, because I still have faith, above everything else, so really I should be as happy as a clam at high tide. I realise though that having sabr and being patient is to acknowledge that the sadness I feel is normal, justified and is from Allah. Maybe it’s even a gift that breeds humility, and closeness to Allah. If that’s true then it must be working, because I do feel somewhat humbled, and I do feel closer to Allah then I have in a long time. I have been praying more then I have in a long time, and while I kind of feel bad about that, it’s still a good thing.

I do know that happiness must lie around the corner, I mean I’m only thirty-one and still considered a young blood to some degree. Inshallah I trust Allah will provide for me, he always has, I just have to stick it out and move forward. I think it was all just such a shock and a surprise that I need to be patient and inshallah I will become accustomed to Allah’s plan for me.

I realise that I have to cut ties with her, and I am preparing to do that. There are some financial and legal issues that still need to be resolved, and I am keeping my contact as minimal as I can until they are resolved. You are all right though, I need to make a clean break, and my intention is to do so.

The hardest part is being unsettled after being settled. I really became accustomed to being married and living the married life, especially considering that my parents didn’t really provide an Islamic and caring environment. Inshallah I will have it again.

Thanks again brothers and sisters. At a time when being betrayed by the person that was supposed to be the closest to me, left me wondering about what goodness must be left in the world, you guys have given me a glimpse of the good there is. And although you bought tears to my eyes (in a good way), you made me smile and reinforced my hope and trust in Allah.

If you guys could remember me in your prayers, I would appreciate it. This might sound strange, but if you could specifically pray for me for hidayah and a strong and secure relationship with Allah, Also for my peace of mind, for a pious, Allah fearing, faithful and supportive wife, for a beautiful wife, for a new job, and for general ease. And, if you could also ask that Allah provide me with these things sooner rather then later (if that’s permissible), that would also be appreciated. I will pray that Allah makes all of your ambitions come true, and that you achieve soon in this life, peace and contentment and above all a relationship with Allah that is the pinnacle of a relationship one can have with Allah, in this generation.

I apologise if this is somewhat long winded, but posting here lifts the burden somewhat.

Jazakallah!

Subhan'Allah akhi, indeed Allah SWT does not burden a person with more than that which they can bare. Truly, not everyone can go through what you have gone through and still remain so steadfast. Akhi, I haven't even experienced marriage life so really, I wouldn't know an atom of what you are going through but from your post I feel that you are already moving on and you can only ask Allah SWT to hasten it for you. This woman was obviously not right for you as Allah SWT says: "It may be that you dislike a thing which is good for you and that you like a thing which is bad for you. Allah knows but you do not know" Baqarah: 216.
There is wisdom in everything that happens to us, whether it is good or bad. Everything has already been ordained for us, the pens are lifted and the scrolls are dry, it is permanent ink and nothing will be able to erase or modify anything from the scrolls of Al-Qadr.
Rasul SAW said: "Realise that if all of the creation came together to benefit you, they would not benefit you - except with something that was destined for you. If they came together to harm you, they will not harm you except with something destined for you".
Akhi, Allah SWT is our protector and Rasul SAW said that Allah SWT has said: "I have no reward other than Jannah for My believing servant who is patient when I take away one of his beloved"
Inna ma'al 'usri yusraa-
Verily with every difficulty is ease 94:5
My brother, remain patient and steadfast and take this as a blessing from Allah SWT for He has saved you and exposed this woman for you.
I ask Allah SWT to give you patience and make this a means of purifying your soul, may He SWT bless you with much goodness in this life and the Hereafter ameen

[Unregistered23]

Inshallah I will do so:) And remember life consists of phases so this is just a phase......
Peace and love bro.

[umm muhammad]

As salaam alaikum brother in Islam

I cannot say much more than what others have said to you already. All I can do is remind you of Jannah, a place where you will have no woes or sadness, no one will hurt you and you will never feel despair.

Allah has promised Jannah to His true believers and He will test the one He loves the most. Know that being tested like this is a testimony of Allahs love for you and never lose hope in the mercy of Allah.

When there is no one to help, there is Allah, if you have Allah you have everything.

Be strong dear brother, never blame yourself for this sisters actions, give her as many excuses as possible, the best thing you can do is forgive her and pray for her guidance. In the end we will all be judged for our actions, and Alhamdulillah you have remained so steadfast in this trying times.

Brother If you remain strong on the deen and humble to Allah, He will send you someone better. If you do not meet her in this world, she will insha'Allah be waiting for you in the next....

[neelu]

Your situation reminds me of my brother who is going through a divorce at the moment. He was married for 10 years so he is confused, upset and heartbroken but to be honest I am relieved because he was married to someone who was not good for his deen or his wellbeing even though he thought she would be but he was naive. I think like you, he is lonely and misses the sense of companionship that can only truly come from a marriage. His parents and sisters love him but that's not the same thing but we keep reminding him that staying in such a damaged and destructive marriage would be worse in the long term and I'm sure he would've ended up with permanent physical and/or mental harm if he'd stayed in the marriage longer. Just because you had a strong sense of iman and loyalty within an Islamic marriage it does not mean that she viewed the marriage in the same way and you deserve better than that.

When you feel that you are ready to look for a wife, then by all means do so but don't expect everything to fall into place in a hurry. Sometimes these things can take time which is frustrating because you want the pain to go away quickly so that you can start to enjoy life again but in fact it is often with time and patience you get the opportunity to heal inshallah; to find your true calling in life and a sense of direction which can make you better prepared to embark on a new relationship in the future.