What would you do sisters/brothers?

[Annoyed!!]

Assalam alakium

I pray and hope everyone is well

I just need to vent out my frustration and i want to get this off my chest

My hubby called at 5:30pm sayin that one of his friend is coming over for dinner he asked me to make a special dish I dont mind but the only thing was:

1 i was in the middle of doing everything like cleaning using the net washing clothes changing bedsheets ect ect

2 i wasnt dressed to go out to get chicken/meat whatever

3 the nearest halal shop is 10 mins drive so that would waste half an hour of my time

4 my husband will pass the halal shop on his way home

so i said to him can you bring some meat/chicken he just flipped and started shouting at me 'saying I dont want to wait for you to make it I would wanna eat the food when i come home '

then i attempted to explain the above 1,2,3,4, and he said to me that im lazy and i cant be bothered to do anything and that i cant do anything without him

then i got annoyed and told him i dont need any help or favours from him and that i'll do it on my own but he might have to wait until the food is ready so i asked him what time shall i expect him and his friend so i know roughly how long i have but he didnt know

after half an hour at 6 pm my husband calls me and asks me if i was making it!!! and i told him that i wasnt because im not ready yet and i willgo after a while he then told me that he would be home after 9/9:30 i asked him if he coming so late why was he pressursing me to make it so quickly

he then said to me that i should bother making anything him and his friend will eat out!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

i got really annoyed at him and asked him what the problem was and then he says to me that i dont obey him!!! ????

he said i should have said 'yes i'll make it' without any buts or if's!!!

anyway i got a bit annoyed and told him that i didnt disobey him but was asking for help then my husband told me that two more of his friends are coming and that they may be coming hom like 10:30 or even 11 ( btw i also work i have to start work 2moro at 8 am) so i said to him are your firend illirate that even though they know i have to start work at 8 am they still gona come at 11?? ( i shouldnt have said that but i got really annoyed)

we just ended up having a huge argument ohhhhhhhhhhhh Allah

i just feel so annoyed man

got any advise and comments any help ?? lol anything

[.: Anna :.]

wa alaykum salam
i think u cant say its all his fault or all urs, u both have a bit of blame in this...
if u did do it for him, without seeming begrudging he probably would have appreciated. altho of course u still neeed 2 do ur stuff u cant just drop everything but its better if u cn try to resolve in a pleasant way like find out wat time he does need it to be completed, tell him u have got 2 finish the cleaning ur in the middle of, and then insha allah u will get it done... like a comprimise. its not something really too much of him to ask because he wants to give hospitality 2 his friend, that is something good and u will get reward for it. i think stuff like being on the net is not urgent that u have 2 do that all b4 u can go get the meat? so he might have felt ur not cooperating and thats why he gets annoyed.
if he asks u to do something which is really tooo much work, rather than telling in an annoyed kind of way or like he is really inconveniencing u.. try 2 persuade him in a sweet way til u get ur own way, rather than arguing to get ur way, try 2 use a bit of charm 2 get it because then u dnt get ne ill feelings coming in between u because of it. and insha allah u cn try 2 ask him if he cn tell u in advance as much as possible wen ppl r coming so u cn b prepared and not feeling rushed 2 get the things sorted.
anyway insha allah its not a big argument, im sure u can sort it out and forget about it quickly insha allah

[Annoyed!!]

Jazak Allahu Khyre Anna

This isnt the first time a thing like this has happend and i always compromise, it's like even when the milk has finished and i get home b4 hubby does and when i request him to bring milk i get the blame for not checking the shopping and that why should he have to get milk but Alhamdulillah he will get it its just these silly little things just get me a little annoyhed
and yeh its not a big deal and it will resolve i just needed to get it off my chest!!!!!

[MMS]

seriously how long do 1,2,3,4 take?
or was you washing the clothes by hand?

:scratch:

[Debater]

I guess there's more fault with your husband because this is not the job of his wife to work, she has to stay home and take care of household stuff, and if the wife also works then this is not only the responsibility of wife to care for the kitchen or the house. Yes some guys are nutters, they don't think and some women are silly too, who don't have a good communicaiton with their husbands, they need to explain things to them, not calling you silly, sis, but talking about generally. You should someday explain to him that you are a working woman like he is a working man, and its not only your job to do everything at home. And if it's not him who wants you to work then don't blame him for everything. There maybe another reason he wouldn't be in a good mood so he argued with you, and if you know your husband has a bad temper or he argues a lot then try to be different from him, people don't change normally, its better to change yourself instead of hoping that others would change. Anyways, just my opinion, you may know better what to do.

Wassalam

[XRUHYX]

I understand why u are annoyed sis but maybe if you had done what he asked u to do and then once he's friend was gone explain to him that he can't expect you to do things straightaway or whenever he wants it as ur working and u probably will be more worn out than him as woman are made from a mans rib after all!

Inshallah everything will be fine sis don't worry and don't make a big fuss out of it..if u be patient u will get rewarded for it. Maybe your husband was really annoyed as he probably boasted to his friend how obedient and how nice you are and how much you look after him and when he asked u to do something and u refused he probably had to go back to his friend and explain to him all this but that doesn't mean he's got the right to expect you to do things just the way he wants it and his way or no way.

About the other friends coming at 11 I reckon u should just make whatever he asked for and leave it for them and go to sleep..in my opinion he can not expect u to stay awake and serve and then go to work tomorrow in the morning..especially if this is a regular habit of him.

Make sure you sort it out before you go to sleep sis...as a husband or a wife should never go to sleep without settling an issue...and if they do the angels will be cursing them the whole night. (Sorry for the bad paraphrasing). If ur the first one to say sorry u will be rewarded more.

[Tosh]

Assalamu alaikum,

Annoyance, unfortunately, is a sign that shaytaan has got to us. Being annoyed is a sign of arrogance and ego, and putting oneself above others. Many of us have this issue. So what we should try and be is humble. Put others before ourselves as much as possible.

Avoid getting angry like the plague. Remember, these arguments aren't between you two, you both need to struggle together against shaytaan. So when feeling angry, try to remember Allah, and say, "A'uthu billahi min Ash shaytaan nir rajim" (I seek refuge in Allah from the rejected Shaytaan).
When shaytaan's minions return to him, he is most pleased with the one who causes disputes between a husband and wife.

In terms of your issue personally. It seems to escalate from answering back, those things you mention 'I shouldn't have said that' is you speaking to yourself, helping your own problem. Really, it is better for both of you if neither of you say these things. But when you don't answer back, don't tell him that you are especially not answering back to make this point...because that brings us back to square one.

Finally, Patience. Lots of it. It will lead you straight to Paradise InshaAllah.

Who knows, maybe your husband will learn from your etiquette in dispute. Your calmness and patience. May Allah grant you a peaceful and happy marriage, of mutual love, respect, and peace. May Allah allow it to be a source of great reward for you. Ameen.

Sister, I know its easy for me to give advice, it is much harder to take and implement it. But from experience, we all know the advice of Islam and from the Sunnah is better for us than any other.

So please take the good, which is from Allah, and leave the bad, which is from me. Allahu Alim. Allah knows best.

[Not Annoyed now]

Assalam alakium

Jazak MMS, DEBATOR AND RUQ for your replies everything's fine now alhamdullilah but i dont get it why is everyone saying i should obey him coz i didnt disobey him at all lol i only asked if he could get the meat from halal shop on his way home never mind i dont think everyone read my words properly but thank you for you effort

to mms: it doesnt matter how long it takes to do 1 2 3 4 and it will vary from person to person but anyhow my main point was lost as you wanted to focus on the non important issue my main point was why he got angry when i requested him to get the meat on his way home and i NEVER said i will not cook lol never mind well maybe thats the way you help others but Jazak Allahu Khyran for you effort

[mom2joseph2004]

I don't think your husband is respecting your time or your efforts in the home. I've been married for a number of years and my husband would not demand that I do this on short notice - and he would try to help if he could. I think what you're saying is that there is a difference between being trying to accomodate your spouse and being blindly obedient to his every whim. I agree. Incidentally, if I was getting up for an 8 am shift, I wouldn't appreciate my spouse giving me a shifting dinner target that went up till 10 pm.

A.

[muslimuk]

mmmmm.. seems like it maybe just one off. your husbandm ay have had a bad day and took it out on you.. if this never happened and is out of character of him then myabe just one of and try to put it aside. But if this is regular it may be something . Talk to him and ask him why he snapped at you.. I know you were busy but sometimes yjust to say il do it is fine.

marriage is two way thing. both sides need to take responsibility.

inshallah this is just a one off

[muhammed_1428]

To be perfectly honest, and with all due respect (don't wanna start any arguments here myself!) There is a bit of wrong behaviour on both sides and points that can be made from both sides.

Firstly, I kind of understand your husband wanting you to get the meat, so that it would be ready by the time or at-least safely ready well before (reheat in the microwave etc) by the time him and his friend arrived, of course the way he explained this to you probably wasn't the best way to go.

Your point number 1 seems fine, so long as you explained to him that you'd do it as soon as you've finished whatever you're currently doing, I hope he wasn't shouting at you already at this point!

Point number 2. I'm not a girl, boys do dress extremely more quickly than girls do, unfortunately. C'mon sis, how long would it really take to get yourself ready to go out? Ten minutes? Leading to point number 3: Waste of time? What else would you have been doing to drive 10 mins there 10 mins back and spend 10 mins getting the meet from the shop, unless parking was a nightmare...

On his side... Yeh there does seem to be an orderly attitude and a bit of impatience, chat to him calmly about this if possible. Calling in 30 mins to see if you're making it! Lol that made me chuckle a bit to be honest...

I guess calling you at a times when you've probably already made the dish for him to say he was gonna eat out is a bit of a p***take, unless you only made enough for yourself and had a nice night in :P

End of the day the main focus was his sudden burst of anger at asking him to get the meat on the way home... Personally though, after a day at work I wouldn't like the idea of going to buy my own dinner and then waiting for it to be cooked in front of me IF I was used to getting it as soon as I arrived home... Then again Inshallah I wouldn't get all angry at that kind of request...

Talk to him! Inshallah you'll straighten things out and get to the bottom of all his and your grievances.

Salaam