advice needed

[Adviceplz]

Assalamu alaikum sisters and brothers,
I have been trying to figure this thing out on my own but I need some opinions from others bcuz I dont have any experience or know ppl personally who can relate to this.
The issue is marriage and how to decide on a potential spouse.
Im now at the age of marriage,I will be finished with my education one year from now inshallah, my parents have been looking for someone for me for a couple of years now; so we have seen many candidates.
So the thing is that ever since I've "grown up" they have been looking and that is like 7 years or something..:)they have this big feeling of responsibility feeling plus they want the very best for me I know.
But despite the fact that they have been looking for so long there hasnt been any really right person coming my way.
At times I've felt like cursed. Honestly.
Im a very educated person myself but I dont care about the other person being educated on the same level as me, status etc doesnt matter-all I want is someone simple with a good heart and someone who is really god-fearing.
The ppl coming my way have been self-absorbant religious types who care about their image more and some of them have been split-personalities: acting good in front of elders and with brothers but with other ppl have really rude style, bad manners and a vulgar language.
On the other hand there has been culture-mixed-with-religion guys who have seemed normal but honestly have been too westernested for my taste.
When I think about marriage myself the first thing I think about is family.That its the person Im going to have children with one day.
So i want him to have the right balance between things.
I feel so tired bcuz everyone has been pushing me and telling me that now is the time to make the decision. And I also have a responsibility towards some and dont want to be a "problem".
I have never minded marrying someone from my parents country of origin as I believe in destiny and I know my parents are looking for a person who is of a GOOD character and its not going to be anyone from my mothers or fathers family directly so there is no "favour"-thinking involved either.
My mom has gone to find me someone so that I will get married this summer.
But Im getting so worried for myself more and more bcuz as soon as she finds the person and has his character confirmed she wants me to come down there and get married.
Just like that.
No get to knowing eachother first.
we can do that after nikah bcuz it takes some time for the person to be able to come to my country of residence.
Just ONE talk which I know cannot get too personal or querylike from my side.
I trust her completely but I just dont know how to get the worries out of my head.
I've always been the very modest type and have kept myself away from guys but at the same time have been witness to how many guys are bad.....and I know that sometimes good ppl end up with bad ppl but I dont have the strength in me to be with someone bad if a person turns out to be that.
Has any one else any experience from arranged marriage?????
I already pray alot but still these worries get deeper and deeper.
I would like to hear from someone with an experience if possible.......

[~Jafrene~]

sis because uve searched and searched for years, ur mind psychologivally is making things sound more and more serious, ur supposed to look for too long, if smeone suitable enough comes with a proposal Alhamdolilah u shud tke it, bwecause ur keeping this for long ur worries are gettign deeper and u need satidfaction. sis i know smeone exactly like u. but shes a lil different coz she strted feeling a lack of confidence thinknig shes nt good enough and all that. that was onli becaue her mother and father kept thinking shes to good for anyone else. but whyen she got married at the age of 28, the guyshe married seemed very good at first but then became very rude and violent and ther problems that i know not of. she got divorced and now she is 30 years of age and lookly found smeone decent and reliable Alhamdolilah. which is y i think its important to get married in a young age, like our prophet said when we start pubertty and we find a suitable match we should give away daughters and marry them off.

[umm_abdAlRahman]

Assalamu alaikum wa rahmatuh Allahi wa barakatuh... Allahu Alim. i wish i had someone who looked out for me in the way ur parents are, it would have made it more comfortable and less stressful for me. i reverted to islam so i have no family members who r muslim so when i found a bro online and wanted to marry i gave his email to some husbands of close sisters hoping they would 'get to know him better' or me. only one bro emailed him and just one time...after about a month later when i asked what his opinion was, that bro responded 'its not my place to judge'. it seemed the bros were not willing to help me and their wives were too nervous to get involved, as it wasn't the traditional family arrangement they were accustomed to..and so i was just with Allah in this decision. finally i decided that this bro seemed religious and of good character and we seemed to have many things in common, and realized u never really know until u try. alhamdulilah i've been married for nearly a year and so far so good, alhamdulilah. i don't think i could have found such a good match without the help and mercy of Allah. alhamdulilah that u have parents who are trying to assist u. with regards to ur situation, understand that no one can force u to marry anyone u don't want. islam gives u rights sis! be patient and be honest with ur mother. say to her in wisely chosen words that u love and respect her and are grateful for this kindness and concern for u, BUT that u need to at least meet the potential husband for sometime and pray istikhara sincerly as marriage is an important thing. tell her also that u need to have comfort going into the marriage and not something to rush into due to a "ticking clock". but remember that Allah knows what is best and HE is the one who chooses for u. so be close to Allah and accept His will. if he wills ur mother finds someone who u agree to, and he turns out to be an excellent husband alhamdulilah! if he wills that u will be tested through an unfortunately 'bad' husband then say alhamdulilah and do ur best to be patient and seek rewards from Allah ina. i hope that i understood ur dilema correctly and that my words are of some benefit to u insha'Allah. will keep u in my thoughts and dua sis. i'm here for ya and love u for the sake of Allah. assalamu alaikum wr wb.

[Cashew]

Assalamu alaikum sisters and brothers,
I have been trying to figure this thing out on my own but I need some opinions from others bcuz I dont have any experience or know ppl personally who can relate to this.
The issue is marriage and how to decide on a potential spouse.
Im now at the age of marriage,I will be finished with my education one year from now inshallah, my parents have been looking for someone for me for a couple of years now; so we have seen many candidates.
So the thing is that ever since I've "grown up" they have been looking and that is like 7 years or something..:)they have this big feeling of responsibility feeling plus they want the very best for me I know.
But despite the fact that they have been looking for so long there hasnt been any really right person coming my way.
At times I've felt like cursed. Honestly.
Im a very educated person myself but I dont care about the other person being educated on the same level as me, status etc doesnt matter-all I want is someone simple with a good heart and someone who is really god-fearing.
The ppl coming my way have been self-absorbant religious types who care about their image more and some of them have been split-personalities: acting good in front of elders and with brothers but with other ppl have really rude style, bad manners and a vulgar language.
On the other hand there has been culture-mixed-with-religion guys who have seemed normal but honestly have been too westernested for my taste.
When I think about marriage myself the first thing I think about is family.That its the person Im going to have children with one day.
So i want him to have the right balance between things.
I feel so tired bcuz everyone has been pushing me and telling me that now is the time to make the decision. And I also have a responsibility towards some and dont want to be a "problem".
I have never minded marrying someone from my parents country of origin as I believe in destiny and I know my parents are looking for a person who is of a GOOD character and its not going to be anyone from my mothers or fathers family directly so there is no "favour"-thinking involved either.
My mom has gone to find me someone so that I will get married this summer.
But Im getting so worried for myself more and more bcuz as soon as she finds the person and has his character confirmed she wants me to come down there and get married.
Just like that.
No get to knowing eachother first.
we can do that after nikah bcuz it takes some time for the person to be able to come to my country of residence.
Just ONE talk which I know cannot get too personal or querylike from my side.
I trust her completely but I just dont know how to get the worries out of my head.
I've always been the very modest type and have kept myself away from guys but at the same time have been witness to how many guys are bad.....and I know that sometimes good ppl end up with bad ppl but I dont have the strength in me to be with someone bad if a person turns out to be that.
Has any one else any experience from arranged marriage?????
I already pray alot but still these worries get deeper and deeper.
I would like to hear from someone with an experience if possible.......

I'm not Muslim, so please consider my thoughts and opinions accordingly.

If I'm not mistaken, Islam completely permits you to spend as much time as you'd like with a potential husband's mother and sisters.

I think that spending some time with these women would give you some valuable insights into the character of your potential husband. They are, after all, the women most central to his upbringing. (And you will, after all, be forced to live with their opinion of you.)

[Adviceplz]

Thank you so much for your replies seriously. Jafrene I agree with you concerning the marrying as young as possible..I'm far from 28 myself..this is the exact same opinion my parents also share:)
I honestly know my own worth but have no other criteria than getting a spouse who is of a strong character and someone who will bring me closer to God and not bother me so that I will get caught up in worldly affairs (money,status etc).
umm_abdAlRahman thank you sweetie it's really warming to hear that you'll keep me in your duas..and I agree with you- it's all about destiny and only God knows what's in store for us- it's just hard sometimes thinking about possible test :( but then again life consists of phases...and I know of course he wouldnt burden me with something that I wouldn't be able to handle....
I feel much better after my parents themselves realized that an engagement would be better to start with so one can get closer to knowing about the family. I feel like God answered my prayers- I feel so bad for being so weak in my faith sometimes and not remembering that he is always looking out for my best interest:(

Cashew!!!! I really have to thank you for your input about getting to know the mom and sister and what kind of relationship he has to them..now I recall someone else telling me that by looking at these relationships one can get a better clue of how the potential husband might be with his wife:)

THANK YOU SO MUCH for your replies:)

[icarrim]

When one is educated,one tends to more discriminating and perhaps difficult. Prior information about the spouse -to -be is very important as it helps adaptation and conditioning and paves the way for compatibility.