please advise/help

[in_need]

assalamu 'alaykum warahmatullahi wabarakatu

I been married for just under a year. Alhamdulilah,my husband is a great man.

but im having a few problems.I dont know how to deal with them.

we are having difficulties financially,and that affects us because due to that we dont get to see each other often and that time alone leaves my mind to wonder.It feels like my husband is not there, but really I know he is.

Dont get me wrong.I know I should be patient and support him,which I try to do.However,its getting really hard.Everyone else seems to be moving on in their lives in different aspects,like settling down,having babies etc,and I feel stuck here because I want my husband (though my husband isn't a bad man at all, he's wonderful) its because I want to move on with him,but the more we are stuck in this situation the more space it leaves open for other problems.Parents and friends getting involved and telling me different things,it really doesnt support,and in that i mean they are not saying supportive things.And then theres also pressures coming from family regarding our situation.I feel like il just break down.At the same time I havent got a fantastic relationship going on with his family,which to them probably isnt a problem but for me it is,i want for my husbands family to be like mine without having to assume things,like do they mean this or that,do they even like me etc.

I know I should have patience but i feel like i have nobody,i need support.and its not helping by seeing everyone being concerned with themselves just getting on with their lives.Everyone DOES have to get on,but as the ummah we are meant to be helping,i really would have thought id have someone to help me,to give me support,but instead im going down.i feel sad all the time.when my husband sees me,im happy but sad aswell because i know it wont be for long that im seeing him then i think about our situation.

Maybe its not the right thing to be posting this up on a forum,but i need to get it out and inshallah hear something supportive/some advise.subhanallah even divorce crossed my mind because i feel like im not a good wife,maybe im not having enough patience and the situation is too heavy on him.I dont know.I do speak to my husband about this and its the same thing every time,which it has to be because things will not change by me shedding my feeling but i suppose it helps,though im not feeling better with anything.I love my husband and i want to be with him,but because i feel like i cant cope and all the rest of it,i dont know where to put my mind.Everyones started to notice and saying things like ''give us a smile'' i didnt think itd be obvious but its affecting quite a bit.

any words or support or advise please.

[Debater]

How long you've been married sis, and was it a love marriage or arranged? Do you live with his family and what about your own parents? Do they live close by or far away? Did you belong to an affluent family before marriage? Is that your husband comes home late at night or he works in another city and comes to see you on the weekend? If he works in the same city what time normally he comes home and do you both have chance to be free on the weekend or not?

I think it would be better if you answered these questions, so we can give a better advice inshaAllah.

For now I must tell you that even if you go for a divorce, there's no guarantee your life later would be better, maybe another man would be worse or so, may Allah forbid. There's morning after every night, sis. Is that you dont' express yourself before him? Do you pray salaat and read Quran? InshaAllah we can find a good solution to your problem, keep in touch.

Wassalam

[in_need]

How long you've been married sis, and was it a love marriage or arranged? Do you live with his family and what about your own parents? Do they live close by or far away? Did you belong to an affluent family before marriage? Is that your husband comes home late at night or he works in another city and comes to see you on the weekend? If he works in the same city what time normally he comes home and do you both have chance to be free on the weekend or not?

I think it would be better if you answered these questions, so we can give a better advice inshaAllah.

For now I must tell you that even if you go for a divorce, there's no guarantee your life later would be better, maybe another man would be worse or so, may Allah forbid. There's morning after every night, sis. Is that you dont' express yourself before him? Do you pray salaat and read Quran? InshaAllah we can find a good solution to your problem, keep in touch.

Wassalam

ive been married under a year and in my marriage i was happy to go into it! my husband and i had some difficulty being able to marry due to other factors but alhamdulilah through patience we finally married.

alhamdulilah my family and i are inshallah,i hope in the eyes of allah practising the deen.we pray,go to talks,read quran etc-just to give you and understanding as you asked.& i dont live with in laws,no.

did i belong to an affluent family? subhanallah my family are fairly ok,just average,hanging on.its not that i want to be greedy and i just want want want (its just that i want to be stable and moving on,though i know through patience inshallah it will come,i hope.but everything ive explained is affecting and opening doors for other problem,like little things,which end up usually being the crucial ones)i guess its hard to explain from my part and hard for others to understand unless they have been in my situation.allahu alam.but i still would appreciate advise&support.

[peace2u]

I don't understand sis, do you live separately from your husband because of financial difficulties or is he just very busy working trying to make ends meet? I would suggest you find other ways to be with him like, calling him on the phone, writing/e-mail, sms, leave little notes around for him and stuff like that. Another good thing would be to talk with your husband about how you feel, don't keep it bottled inside. I hope everything works out for you and your situation improves insha Allah.


Peace

[`asiya]

ive been married under a year and in my marriage i was happy to go into it! my husband and i had some difficulty being able to marry due to other factors but alhamdulilah through patience we finally married.

alhamdulilah my family and i are inshallah,i hope in the eyes of allah practising the deen.we pray,go to talks,read quran etc-just to give you and understanding as you asked.& i dont live with in laws,no.

did i belong to an affluent family? subhanallah my family are fairly ok,just average,hanging on.its not that i want to be greedy and i just want want want (its just that i want to be stable and moving on,though i know through patience inshallah it will come,i hope.but everything ive explained is affecting and opening doors for other problem,like little things,which end up usually being the crucial ones)i guess its hard to explain from my part and hard for others to understand unless they have been in my situation.allahu alam.but i still would appreciate advise&support.

ukhti i know it must be very difficult for u but please have patience and dont let shaitan whisper to you, Allah knows how hard u are both struggling and Allah has promised that after every difficulty there is an ease, and the promise of Allah is true ukhti, the best advise i can think of is the advise of the prophet salAllahu alleyhi wa salam who said " look to the one beneath you " which means those worse off than you, some sisters are not married at all, some are in terrible abusive marriages, yet you love your husband dearly, you say he is hardworking caring, yes you are apart and thats difficult, but you know ukhti just support your husband, and be happy when he is home with you, dont listen to what the people say tell them that the prophet salAllahu alleyhi wa salam said " that part of ones being a good muslim is to stay out of what does not concern him"

so unless u ask for their advise then ask them not to keep telling u this and that and confusing you about your marriage, we should advise to goodness for the sake of Allah only, keep making duaa and insha Allah your circumstances will soon change, be strong ukhti insha Allah u have a good husband Alhamdulillah, so hold onto him because good men are hard to find, and be patient insha Allah ukhti, when he is away spend your time learning Quran and your deen and making the place nice for when he comes home again insha Allah Allah ta ala says " Verily, in the remembrance of Allah do hearts find rest... 13:28 fi amaanillah ukhti may Allah ta ala give u both strength amin. :love:

[Debater]

May Allah ease your troubles and solve your problems soon inshaAllah, Aameen.
It's very nice to know that you wanted to marry him and there it wasn't easy but you finally married him through patience mashaAllah. You were lucky mashaAllah as many people can't marry who they want, dear sis. I'm sure with patience these difficulties and hardships will also go one day, but remember the life in this world is not very comfortable, we can't have each and everything we want. I have seen sisters in this forum and in real life who complain about their in laws, they don't wanna live with them, and see you are not living with them, I don't know if that's an advantage for you or not but just trying to say that we humans can't live happy, we want more and more, this is not for you, for me and for all of us, that's what Allah states in Quran that man is ungrateful.
My advise to you, sis, is you shouldn't think of divorce at all, that's too early to think of that also you don't know what comes next, maybe its a good time with your husband or if you get divorced may Allah forbid, maybe its worse time ahead.
Be happy and contented with whatever you have today and now, as we don't know what we have now may not be tomorrow. We complain about one thing, maybe tomorrow we have to complain about 10 things, if we have one grief we have a 1000 blessings and luxuries as well, it's only that we don't realize any blessing until it's take away from us.
And if a blessing comes after some hardship then there's more pleasure and celebration of the blessing, imagine if we didn't have any pains or difficulties we wouldn't at all be happy in the world because everything would be the same, peaceful. We be happy because we have something which we didn't have before, so wait for that happiness sis, inshaAllah.

[Debater]

Wow, sister Asiya's advice is very nice mashaAllah.

[Saeed Al-Muslim]

Wa Alaikum Salaam

I agree wholeheartedly with sister `asiya. To add to what’s already been said:

From what I gather it’s not the finances that you are terribly concerned about, it’s the resulting factors of it. This being very little time left for you and your husband to be together.

The time when the both of you are together think about doing some recreational activities, or things where you have to actively contribute together to achieve. Not just listening to Islamic talks, or reading Qur'an. I’m not saying leave them, these are very good actions Masha’Allah, but you require actions that will help foster an intimate bond with your husband. Might be an idea to designate a day of the week, or one/two day(s) in the month exclusively just for the two of you. Maybe you could take responsibility to organise such plans in your free time. This could include going site seeing, etc. Or even small group activities such BQQ’s.

However it may be your love for him is so strong that you miss him too much when he is gone. Then make yourself busy, because shaytaan always attacks those who are alone, doing nothing.

May Allah (swT) bring you peace of mind, and strengthen your marriage, Ameen.

Ma'aSalaama

[Medievalist]

The first thing is to speak to your husband. Organise a day or weekend when its just you and him. Go away somewhere if you can, if you cant then go out for a meal or picnic, a change of scenery. Then have a good chat with him. Tell him whatevers on your mind.

More than anyone your husband is the person you should turn to. InshaALLAH ALLAH Ta'ala will make things easy for you very soon.

[assia]

Salaam sis dont listen to the people who play with yourmind its obvious your lonely... Have to thought of getting a job your self? even from home... like with the AA? its just answering the phone etc which is good money... maybe work will keep you occupied... and think less, and will help with your money problems etc... Does your husband work away? there are lots of things you can do to make your marriage work and forgive me if i understood you wrong.
Tell your husband if it is possible to find work near home. Have sabr insha'Allah all will fall into place, i have this feeling that your young and new to marriage and want to spend more time with your husband which is very normal sis... Maybe if you work it may help things instead of you being home alone and allowing these people to make matters worse for you by giving you the wrong advise this is harem they should not do that sis. Maybe take up a college course or something. Please forgive me if my advise has offended you in anyway sis... i hope not.


May Allah (swt) grant you sabr Ameen

Sister in islam:o

[in_need]

I don't understand sis, do you live separately from your husband because of financial difficulties or is he just very busy working trying to make ends meet? I would suggest you find other ways to be with him like, calling him on the phone, writing/e-mail, sms, leave little notes around for him and stuff like that. Another good thing would be to talk with your husband about how you feel, don't keep it bottled inside. I hope everything works out for you and your situation improves insha Allah.


Peace
brother/sister,i said in my first post...
I do speak to my husband about this .

[in_need]

Jazakallah for the words of support and for reminding me of what allah promises etc.I really appreciate it-i really need that more,as my emaan is low.i know everyones emaan goes up and down but i hate being on the low.

[Debater]

Read Quran with translation in a seclusion where no one can interrupt, keep your problems in the mind and I bet you will be given an answer by Allah in the Quran while reading, it has happened to me, and I have heard it happened to a brother too, Allah will inshaAllah give His advice while you're reading Quran somehwere. And I bet that will make you so happy because you will feel the presence of Allah in your heart, and that's the best support you can have, sis.

May Allah solve all your and our problems, Aameen.